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Beidou was seventeen when she first began dreaming of receiving her very own vision from the gods. As a child, it was one of those things she only ever heard in stories. Despite seeing people come and go everyday from the docks, she’d never met an actual vision wielder before. Maybe one out of ten thousand people would receive one. Most lived their lives without ever coming across a vision.
Then Xiangling received her vision right after her thirteenth birthday. Chef Mao had finally allowed her to use the large stove at Wanmin, and the first thing she did was explode an entire wok full of slime condensate.
"It's okay! Next time I'll just use less chilis, and maybe add in a qingxin to neutralize the flavor," she’d said with a grin, her face covered in soot and slime. "There's no such thing as a bad ingredient after all! I'll make the perfect spicy slime dish soon!"
And just like that, a ruby red vision materialized in her palms. Its color was the deep red of jueyun chilis freshly picked from the mountains, radiating heat like a warm hearth slowly cooking a pot of bamboo shoot soup.
She found Guoba not long after, and the duo became famous all across Liyue, lighting fires on stoves and in the hearts of the people wherever they went.
Whenever Xiangling came home from her travels, she would cook Beidou the most delicious meal and tell her all about the things she’d seen and done.
“I didn’t realize how helpful it would be to have a vision,” she said one time. “I feel like I’m one step closer to achieving my dream of making the perfect dish!”
“Really?” Beidou asked, her interest piqued.
“Yeah! Of course, just because I have a vision doesn’t mean I don’t have to work hard. But it’s a useful tool that really helps!” Xiangling grinned while handing Guoba a shrimp ball. “It’s like, when you’re cooking, having a knife to chop your ingredients is way better than using your bare hands. You know what I mean? It’s the same feeling!”
Later that night, as she was on her way home, Beidou thought about receiving her own vision.
Her childhood dream was to meet the great monster that lived in the depths of the high seas. The sailors had filled her head with stories of treacherous storms, engulfing lightning, and the vicious fury of the wrath of Haishan. She used to spend her days at the docks, following the sailors around and begging them to tell her of their encounters.
I’m going to be the slayer of Haishan!
It had been just a childhood fantasy. But with the help of a vision, maybe she really could be the slayer of Haishan.
Beidou straightened her shoulders and made up her mind.
The very next day she got herself a job aboard one of the trading ships. It was a small role but one day she’d be the captain of her own ship. She would receive her very own vision, and with it she was going to face Haishan head on.
***
At nineteen, Beidou managed to become the captain of her very own ship. It was small and her crew was only six other people but they were all hers. Her ship and her crew to lead, her pride and joy. Though, even after two years of hard work, she had yet to receive a vision. Instead, she was called to the Jade Chamber by Ningguang, her close friend and the newly appointed Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing.
"I can't sell it anymore," she complained to Beidou and Keqing, the Yuheng, in her private chambers. What was once the husk of a vision now glowed a vibrant gold in her palm. She had just finished recounting her plan to start a business where she’d auction vision shells to the highest bidder, only to have her hopes dashed as soon as the vision activated at her touch. "What use is this old thing to me?"
"You've been blessed with a vision from Rex Lapis himself," Beidou said. To her, it was no coincidence that Ningguang was the one who found that particular vision shell. It was definitely meant to be. "Maybe it's a sign from him that you're on the right path, and Liyue is as well."
"Hmph.” Keqing, ever the skeptic, thought differently. "I doubt it, but since it is a geo vision, you could use it to your advantage. The people will certainly believe you've been chosen by the gods."
“I don’t know…”
“I’m sure you’ll find it more useful than not,” Beidou said. “If anything, it’ll certainly give you more leverage in your business endeavors. Now that you have a vision, people truly will think twice before they try to cut you a bad deal.”
“She’s right,” Keqing said. “You can definitely use it to your advantage.”
It hadn’t taken much more effort to convince Ningguang after that. Beidou was envious, yes, but she couldn’t deny that her friend deserved it. It was Ningguang, after all. Visions were a sign from the gods themselves, recognition for your dreams and ambitions. Rex Lapis saw the good that Ningguang would bring to Liyue and rewarded her for it.
With time, it became obvious that he was right— the vision only amplified Ningguang’s natural skill and talent. With her as Tianquan, Liyue was the most prosperous it had ever been.
Beidou could only hope and pray that her own efforts would be recognized by the gods too. Surely they would approve of her efforts, her dreams?
***
At twenty four, Beidou had accomplished more than most— she was the infamous captain of the Crux Fleet, she had traveled all the high seas of Teyvat, and saved countless lives. Though she had yet to defeat Haishan, she had survived three battles against him and had the scars to prove it.
Yet she was still visionless. She hadn’t lost hope though.
She was currently lounging atop Mount Tianheng with Ganyu, watching the sun go down and the city below light up for the night. Aside from being out at sea, this was Beidou’s favorite place to be and Ganyu was Beidou’s favorite person to be with.
Though Beidou cherished her other friends, Ganyu was different. Xiangling had friends closer to her own age while Ningguang and Keqing were joined at the hip. Despite her shy and serious nature, the blue haired adeptus was one of the easiest people to get along with. Ganyu was the only person Beidou felt like she could truly be herself around, insecurities and all. She knew just how much Beidou wanted a vision of her own and never ridiculed her for having such dreams.
“What kind of vision do you think I’ll get?” Beidou asked Ganyu.
“I don’t know, what kind of vision do you want?”
“I think maybe a pyro vision would suit me, don’t you think? I’m definitely hot headed enough for one,” she said and laughed. “Or maybe an anemo vision. Freedom and wind sound a lot like me too.”
“What about a hydro vision? You love being by the ocean, after all,” Ganyu said.
“A vision from the god of justice? Nah,” Beidou said and shrugged. She leaned back on her palms and looked up at the sky. “I don’t see how being the captain of a pirate ship would ever put me in her favor.”
“I think you’re a just person when you need to be.”
She acknowledged the praise with a quiet hum. There was a brief moment of silence before Beidou asked another question.
“What if I don’t get a vision?” Her voice was softer than usual. She hardly ever voiced such fears but she trusted Ganyu with them. The older woman gave her an encouraging smile.
“I think you will,” she said. “You’ll receive it when the time is right.”
“You don’t know that for certain.”
“No. But I have a feeling.”
“And if your feeling is wrong?”
“Then I don’t think you need a vision to prove your worth,” Ganyu said. If it had been anyone else, Beidou would’ve just chalked it up to empty words meant to make her feel better. But Ganyu never lied, at least, not to her. She meant every word. “You are one of the strongest, most hardworking people I know, with or without a vision.”
“Yeah?” Beidou gave her a toothy grin.
“Mmhm. But that’s also why I believe you’ll receive a vision. The archons always reward those who strive for the stars.” Ganyu’s honest confession filled Beidou’s chest with warmth. She scooched closer to the adeptus so that their shoulders brushed against each other.
“Why do you think you received a cryo vision?”
“Because of my love and loyalty to the people of Liyue.” There was no hesitation in Ganyu’s answer. Beidou gave her a curious look.
“Is the cryo archon known for either of those things?”
“The Tsaritsa of today is very different from the Tsaritsa I met all those years ago. She was once known as the god of love, you know.” Ganyu brushed the smooth surface of her vision with delicate fingers and peered into its glistening core. “As soon as I received it, I knew what my duty was and how she had blessed me.”
Beidou turned her head to gaze at the half-qilin woman. The expression on Ganyu’s face was something she knew that she had no hope of ever understanding. It was the kind of look one could only make when they’d been serving for as long as Ganyu has. Thousands of years worth of devotion was placed in that one look. Her cryo vision was a gift that helped her fulfill her duty to her greatest love— the people of Liyue.
All Beidou could say was, “It suits you.”
Ganyu gave her the most breathtaking smile.
“Thank you. And I know that your vision, no matter what it is or when it comes, will suit you perfectly as well.”
Beidou planted those words deep into her heart. Ganyu had such unwavering faith in her and she couldn’t bear to let her down. She made another silent promise to herself, and to her most trusted companion— she was going to work herself to the bone if that’s what it took to earn her vision.
***
By the age of twenty six, Beidou had challenged Haishan eight times. When she went out to challenge him for the ninth, it was her most devastating defeat. The fleet lost three ships and she had come close to losing her life.
“I wish you wouldn’t be so reckless,” Ganyu said when she returned home. They were aboard the Alchor’s deck this time, Beidou’s head on the adeptus’ lap while being treated for her newest injury. The sea monster had managed to claw out Beidou’s left eye, leaving nothing but a deep gash. She was still lightheaded and bleeding profusely by the time they made it back to Liyue Harbor.
Juza, her first mate, called for the secretary immediately when he realized his captain was mumbling her name while drifting in and out of consciousness. As soon as the bleeding stopped and Beidou’s condition was stabilized, the crew left their captain to be tended by the qilin’s capable hands in private.
“It’s like a cool trophy from battle, no?” she said while Ganyu applied ground qingxin paste onto her wound. She hoped her tone would lift the mood a little but it had the opposite effect. Ganyu’s response was stiff and cold.
“You could’ve died.”
“I’m the one that’s going to slay Haishan, how could I possibly die?” Ganyu narrowed her eyes and lathered the medicine with a firm hand. “Ow, ow!”
“It’s not funny.”
“I know it’s not, but I’m alive, aren’t I?” Beidou said, her voice losing its joking tone. She gave her friend an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re too brave for your own good,” Ganyu sighed.
“Of course I am,” Beidou replied softly and let out a low chuckle. “I have to be. Who knows, maybe when I finally slay Haishan the gods will reward me with a vision.”
“Your life is worth more than a vision, Beidou.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m serious.” Ganyu set the medicine down and held Beidou’s face in her hands. Beidou could feel the atmosphere change all of a sudden— she felt her heart pick up its pace as she gazed up at Ganyu. “You’ll receive a vision, I know it. But don’t throw yourself into danger with no regard for yourself. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”
“I— Okay,” she stuttered out. The older woman gave her a somber look before reaching for a piece of red cloth. She carefully fastened it around Beidou’s head, making sure it securely covered her eye. The pirate was suddenly hyper aware of every touch against her skin. “Does that feel okay?”
“Y-Yeah.”
“The qingxin will speed up the healing, so you should be able to take it off within a week or so. No sailing while it heals, okay?” Ganyu’s gentle smile stole her breath away. She nodded slowly, her eyes— well, eye— never leaving the qilin’s face.
“Okay.” Her next words spilled out of her mouth before she could stop them. “Can I kiss you?”
Ganyu squeaked out, “What?” and quickly pulled her hands to cover her mouth. Beidou internally berated herself for not having better impulse control. She thought about brushing it off as a slip of the tongue but…
Damage is already done. Might as well see it through.
“You can say no if you don’t want to,” Beidou said and grinned up at Ganyu. She prayed her insecurities were hidden behind the casual smile. “But I would really, really like to kiss you. I’ve wanted to for some time now.”
“Y—You have?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Are you asking me why I want to kiss you…?” Beidou smirked. Ganyu moved her hands up so that they were covering most of her face.
“Yes!” she squeaked again. “I don’t— I’m not…”
“Are you not interested? That’s fine, we can pretend this never—“
“No!”
There was a brief silence between them. Beidou had never seen Ganyu look so embarrassed. She reached up and carefully pulled Ganyu’s hands away from her face. The adeptus’ rosy cheeks contrasted sharply with her usually pale complexion. She was beautiful.
“So you don’t want to pretend then?”
Ganyu shook her head.
“Then…” At the slowest pace she could manage, Beidou began to prop herself up so that she was sitting upright. The blue haired woman grew flustered as their faces grew closer but didn’t pull away. “I’m going to kiss you now.”
When Ganyu’s eyes fluttered shut, Beidou said a silent prayer before pressing their lips together.
Kissing Ganyu felt like coming home. Her lips were warm and soft, fitting perfectly against her own. She could taste ice in her breath; Beidou found herself growing addicted to it. A pair of hands hesitantly found their way into her hair and she took it as a sign to kiss a little harder.
Ganyu let out a breathy moan when they finally parted for air. Her cheeks were flushed with an even deeper red and Beidou was pretty sure her face looked the same. She brought a hand up to caress Ganyu’s face.
“Thanks for patching me up,” she said, her voice no louder than a whisper.
“Don’t come home hurt like that again, okay?” Ganyu said. She pressed their foreheads together. “I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t.”
***
Some time later that year, Keqing ended up with a vision of her own. Beidou had returned from a short voyage and was discussing business with Ningguang in her office when the purple haired girl had burst in furiously.
"It's an insult!" she said and tossed her vision onto the table. It vibrated, the purple energy giving off a soft hum and it took everything in Beidou to not grab it for herself. She instead gave Keqing a smile.
“I’m sure the gods didn’t mean it that way.”
“Do they think I’m not capable of getting anything done without one? Is that why they gave it to me?”
“You know that’s not true.”
“The hell I do!” Keqing growled and crossed her arms. “The people now think I’m only capable of being the Yuheng because of it. I received my title because I worked hard for it, not because of some god’s power!”
“Calm down,” Ningguang said and placed a hand on Keqing’s shoulder. The touch subdued her anger ever so slightly. The Tianquan sighed and rubbed her temple. “Maybe we should postpone our discussion, Beidou. Keqing, I’ll take you out for some air...” She gave Beidou an apologetic wave before ushering the smaller woman out.
Alone in Ningguang’s office, Beidou stood and stared at Keqing’s vision for a long time. It made her heart pang with a jealous feeling she wasn’t used to experiencing. She did not doubt that her friend was deserving of it, not one bit. Keqing was a hardworking and strong-willed individual. Her temper was a bit short, but otherwise she was one of the best people to be leading Liyue as a member of the Qixing. Of course the gods would recognize her efforts and all that she did for Liyue. But even so, it all felt a little unfair.
Beidou worked just as hard, and she wanted a vision. She wanted real, tangible proof that the archons approved of her hopes and dreams. That they were worthy of a god’s recognition. It seemed like everyone was receiving one, everyone but her.
Are my dreams not worthy of one?
She left the Jade Chamber that night feeling defeated.
Beidou soon found herself atop the mast of the Alchor. The soft sea breeze soothed her soul and eased her troubles. As she stared out into the vast, dark ocean, she kept reminding herself:
No matter what my vision is or when it comes, it will come.
It was hard to fully believe it though. Not when it seemed like the whole world was against her. Not when it felt like she had been waiting forever. She ran a hand through her hair in frustration.
“Beidou!” Ganyu’s familiar voice broke her out of her trance. She saw the qilin standing on her deck by the helm. A grin quickly broke out onto her face and she scaled down the mast to meet her.
“Ganyu! What’re you doing here?”
“I came to see how you were doing,” she said and reached out for her hand. “I heard about Keqing.”
The smile on Beidou’s face faltered but she quickly tried to cover it up.
“Yeah, I’m really happy for her! I mean, someone has to be happy for her, since she’s not happy about it herself,” she laughed. It was no use, though. She could never fool Ganyu.
“Yours will come soon too, you just have to be patient.”
“I know, I know.”
“I’m serious,” Ganyu said, her voice a little firmer. She squeezed Beidou’s hand in encouragement and leaned in to kiss her softly. “You’ll receive one, I know it.”
“I just have to keep working hard, right?”
“Yes, and good things will come.”
Beidou smiled at how earnest Ganyu looked, but at the same time, her lover’s expression broke her little inside. She truly was her biggest supporter, her faith unwavering for years. Ganyu really believed she would receive a vision. She held her in such high regard…. But it had been almost a decade of waiting. Just how much more work, how much more patience would it take? What if she never became worthy? Was she just destined to let Ganyu down?
The thought made Beidou sick to her stomach. Disappointing Ganyu was worse than anything else in the world. Failure was not an option.
"I'll have to start making preparations to set sail again," she said while pulling away. Ganyu frowned.
"So soon? You just got back."
"I can't let Haishan rest for too long," Beidou said, trying to make the atmosphere light again. "I'll be back soon."
"Can't you wait a few weeks? You're out at sea for months at times…."
"I promise I'll be back before you even know it, this time with Haishan's head. I'll make you proud."
"You already do." Her words were a soft plea but Beidou couldn't accept them. Not yet. She grimaced, but pressed a soft kiss onto her lover's head.
"It's not enough."
She could do more, she could be more. Ganyu deserved someone better than who she was now.
The adeptus looked like she had more to say but she grew silent. Beidou hated how somber she looked and she hated that she was the cause of it. But she had no choice; this was something she had to do. She wouldn't be able to live with herself otherwise.
"Alright,” Ganyu finally said. “I understand.”
“Thank you.”
“But I need you to know— You are enough, just as you are.” Ganyu pulled closer and wrapped her arms around the taller woman’s waist. Beidou found herself clinging to her lover as well, not wanting to ever let go. “You don’t have to do anything grand to prove yourself, especially not to me. I just….”
“Just what?”
“I just want to spend time with you.”
Beidou buried her nose into Ganyu’s soft hair.
“I’ll be back soon.” She had a promise to keep.
***
Beidou spent her twenty seventh and eighth birthdays out at sea. She hadn’t been back home since she lost her eye. There honestly was no reason for such a lengthy voyage but she refused to go back home. Not without completing what she set out to do. The Crux bounced between Inazuma and Sumeru, mostly handling business and the occasional favor for Ningguang. They had not attempted to challenge Haishan again.
Not yet.
“Captain! All preparations are ready on board!” Juza called from the deck. She gave him a thumbs up before turning to the Ritou harbormaster.
“So I trust that all our paperwork is settled, then?”
“Yes, your docking permit and trade registration is all in order,” he said. He glanced around to make sure they were alone before continuing. “And as for the other thing you requested, the Yashiro Commission has received your request. The Liyue Qixing will hear back from them directly.”
“Thank you,” Beidou said and nodded.
“Will you be setting sail for Liyue immediately?”
“Ah, no, there’s something we must do before then,” she said. The harbormaster seemed to already know what she was talking about. He gave her a smile of encouragement.
“Guuji Yae-sama predicted that these next few weeks will bring great prosperity for the people of Inazuma. Though you are of Liyue, the defeat of Haishan would certainly benefit the people of our islands,” he said. “Should lightning strike, may the great Narukami Ogosho protect you and your ships.”
“Thank you again.” She grinned and bid him farewell.
As soon as her fleet was back out at sea, Beidou felt herself grow increasingly more confident. She wasn’t sure if it was just the harbormaster’s words or if there really was something about the upcoming days but she felt good. She felt ready.
For two days and two nights, they charted their course through the open water in hopes of stumbling across Haishan's presence. He had yet to make his appearance but Beidou was not worried— the sea creature was bound to show up sooner or later. The fleet was livelier than ever, singing and chanting all throughout their journey. There was a good feeling in the air. There was something about this trip that just felt different, felt better.
The fleet was steadily cruising in the waters when Furong, one of her crew members, approached her at the helm with some letters in hand.
“Captain Beidou!” she said. “Mail for you.”
“Thank you,” she said. “When did these arrive?”
“Just before we left Ritou,” Furong replied. “We had a larger batch of mail than usual so it took us some time to sort everything out. Sorry for the delay.”
“It's no problem.” She dismissed the girl and turned to the envelopes in her hands. As expected, most of them were from Ningguang, filled with private details of things she needed done through more discreet means. The pirate captain skimmed through them, making note of important information, but otherwise disinterested. She passed them off to a crewmate to put in her chambers once she looked through them all.
She held the last envelope in her hands, a lump appearing in her throat. Her name was written across the center in a familiar, elegant handwriting.
While Beidou normally wrote as much as she could on her voyages, she could count the number of letters she sent Ganyu these past two years on one hand. It wasn’t that she didn’t care or want to speak to her ever patient lover; she just didn’t know what to say anymore. After a while, she just felt too guilty to even try. She hadn't accomplished any of the things she'd promised yet. What could possibly be said?
Despite her lack of response, a letter from Ganyu never failed to arrive with each month’s mail delivery. It was the thing Beidou both dreaded and looked forward to the most.
Beidou stared at the envelope for a little while longer before she finally mustered up the courage to open it.
To my dearest Beidou,
How are you? It’s been almost two years since we last saw each other, six months since I received your last letter. Ningguang says you’ve been busy, handling her dealings in Inazuma and Sumeru. I understand. I just hope you’re doing alright, that you’ve been safe and healthy.
Guilt pooled in Beidou’s stomach. Her grip on the paper tightened.
There isn’t much going on with me. Work is as busy as usual, especially with the Lantern Rite Festival coming up soon. We’re currently deciding on the design of the Mingxiao lantern— everyone seems to have a different opinion, but once everything is set in stone, I think this year’s lantern will be the best yet.
To help with the workload, the Qixing hired an assistant for me. You might know of her— her name is Yaoyao. She is playful but diligent, like a little finch. She tells me stories of how she used to sneak onto your ships, only to be chased off by a crewmate.
Beidou did know the young girl— she caused Juza a lot of grief with her antics. A smile appeared on her face at the anecdote.
Otherwise, things are the same as always. I am hoping you'll make it home this year in time for the festival. The past two weren’t the same without you. I miss you, and I have something I want to tell you but I fear it is too important for me to just write in a letter. At least, not before I tell you in person.
The captain furrowed her brow at that line. What did Ganyu have to say that was too important for a letter?
While you've been away, I've had some time to think about us and our future together. When you've lived as long as I have, two years can be as fleeting as two minutes. But not seeing you has made the time drag by much more slowly. And it's made me think, the short time we have together is not nearly enough.
"Captain! We're reaching a storm!" Juza's voice broke Beidou's concentration. She looked up and saw the dark clouds rolling in the distance. She let out a groan— this couldn’t have come at a more inopportune time. They were getting closer and closer to their next encounter with Haishan.
“Try to stall for a bit!”
“I’m not sure if that’s possible, Captain…!”
“Just try!” Beidou yelled and turned back to Ganyu’s letter. Droplets of rain began to fall from the sky, dampening the paper and ink.
Do you remember what I said the last time we were together? I don’t want you to waste any time thinking that you aren’t enough for me, or that you need to be something more. There’s nothing to prove. You are enough. I don’t want to stop you from achieving your dreams but I want you to know that you don’t have to achieve them for me. How I feel about you won’t ever change.
So do it for you. Your dreams are just that, yours. Do what you want for yourself, and not what you think I or others want. Make yourself proud. Once you do, I’ll be waiting for you to come home. And I’ll tell you the words I’ve been keeping in my heart.
Yours,
Ganyu.
“Captain! Captain, you need to come to the bow now!”
Beidou stuffed the letter into her top before running out to where Juza and a few crewmates were gathered. The Alcor began to sway at the power of the turbulent waves, causing her crew to grip the sides of the boats to steady their feet.
“The storm is picking up quickly, much more quickly than usual!” Juza yelled.
“Listen up!” Beidou boomed with her most commanding voice. “This is our final battle! After this, we will never face Haishan ever again!”
Her men grew silent at her declaration. Beidou drew her greatsword and pounded it into the deck.
“Because this is the battle where we finally win! And we will slay this beast, so that it can terrorize the seas no more!”
The crew roared out their cheers, waving their firsts and spears up in the air. Beidou raised her weapon and turned to the sea. Whirlpools were now surrounding her fleet and lightning flashed across the pitch black sky.
“Into position, and sail forward!”
The ocean began to open up and the only thing that could be heard was a deafening roar— the wrath of Haishan had set upon them.
***
Four days. The battle lasted four long, grueling days. Haishan was a devious creature that used the treacherous ocean to its advantage. It knew how to avoid the blasts of the canons, weave between the ships, and cause as much destruction in one blow.
But the Crux Fleet had battled it many, many times, and always returned with an improved strategy. Haishan was smart but like any other great creature, its actions could be predicted and prevented.
For four days, the fleet struggled to subdue it as much as they could. Beidou barely got to rest; she had to be alert and ready. She’d realized long ago that she only needed one moment to attack— Haishan had a soft spot on the back of its neck, and if she could hit it, she’d be able to slice its head with one blow.
On the fourth night, Beidou finally received her opportunity— Haishan had emerged to the water’s surface and thrashed at the ships, trying to drag them down into the depths with it. Calculating her steps, she leaped across the bow of the Alcor and towards the sea dragon with a fierce battle cry. She swung her sword, her target in sight.
Only for Haishan to snap its head a second too soon and catch her in its mouth.
Panic and fear gripped Beidou’s heart and she felt herself wedged between its teeth. A sharp pain shot through her back as Haishan tore a gash into her clothes. Had it not been for her sharp reflexes, she would’ve been bitten in half. She slammed the flat side of her claymore against Haishan’s upper teeth, preventing it from clamping down.
Her arms were on fire. Beidou screamed in agony as she used all her strength to keep herself alive. The sounds of the ocean, the thunder, Haishan itself— all of it faded out as she could only focus on the excruciating pain.
She was going to die.
Everything seemed to go in slow motion after that realization.
Beidou wasn’t afraid of death. If she was, she would’ve never ventured out to face Haishan the first time. She had come to terms with death a long time ago; she knew that with the nature of her dream, death was a very real possibility.
Death itself didn’t scare her. Leaving Ganyu behind did.
Our time together is not nearly enough.
Beidou finally realized what Ganyu meant by that. Logically she knew that Ganyu’s lifespan was different from hers, but it hadn’t sunk in until now. Maybe a lifetime with the adeptus would’ve been enough for her. But for Ganyu, who would continue to live thousands of years, Beidou was just a fleeting moment. She would only ever be a small fraction in her immortal existence.
All Ganyu wanted was to spend what little time they had together to the fullest. She’d never asked Beidou to prove her worth. How could Beidou have been so stupid and blind?
Regret made her heart clench. And now she was going to die. Haishan clenched its jaw, trying to break her stance, but Beidou resisted. Her bones ached and all she wanted to do was just give in. She wanted it all to end but she couldn’t.
I want to see Ganyu. If she died here, she’d never get to see Ganyu smile or laugh, she’d never hear Ganyu call her name, she’d never get to pull her into her arms ever again..
I have something I need to tell her.
In her heart Beidou already knew what Ganyu wanted to tell her. And as desperately as she wanted to hear them, she wanted to say her own words even more. If she died now she’d never get to tell her anything. She had to make it out of here alive; she had to get back to Ganyu.
I have to go home.
Thunder rumbled the sky and Beidou gasped for air. Her grip was slowly beginning to slip. She pressed her shoulder into her blade and continued to push upwards.
Please, please give me strength, she prayed to the gods. Her face was wet with tears and saltwater. It didn’t matter who, as long as any one of them was listening. This lifetime is not enough. Let me spend an eternity with Ganyu.
Lightning struck.
Something cold materialized in Beidou’s palm and adrenaline began pumping through her veins. With one last cry, she put all her strength into shoving her sword against Haishan’s jaw, prying the monster’s mouth open. She twisted her body free from its grasp and slammed her claymore down on its neck.
Violet flashes blinded her vision, and the last thing she remembered was the feeling of her sword slice right through.
***
Beidou awoke with soft fingers running through her hair. She blinked, slowly coming awake from what felt like the deepest slumber in her entire life. As soon as she started to regain consciousness, her body also began to register the immense pain she felt all over her body.
“Ughh,” she moaned. The gentle hand stopped playing with her hair and placed it against her lips.
“Shhh, drink this,” a familiar voice said. “It’ll help with the pain.”
Beidou couldn’t do much but obey. The liquid took effect almost immediately— she no longer felt like her body was burning all over. But her eye unfocused again and she grew unconscious once more.
***
The next time Beidou awoke, she only felt a dull ache where her most serious wounds were. It was uncomfortable but not unbearable. She rubbed the sleep away from her good eye and tried to orient herself. What time was it? Where was she?
“Careful, don’t move too suddenly,” a soft voice murmured beside her. Beidou turned her head to see Ganyu sitting on a stool.
She felt like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. It had been so long since she last saw her that she could hardly believe Ganyu was even real. She hesitantly lifted a hand and reached out to touch her face.The adeptus held her hand to her cheek and leaned into it.
“Ganyu,” Beidou breathed out. “You’re here.”
“I am.”
“But how?” she asked.
“Well I just got off of work, and this is my home, so…” Beidou blinked and scanned the room. She realized she recognized the place— it was Ganyu’s bedroom.
“How did I get here?”
“Juza brought you here, as soon as you returned.”
“As soon as I….? What…. How many days have I been here? How long was I out?”
“Two weeks,” Ganyu said with a pained smile. “You arrived back in Liyue two weeks ago, unconscious. Juza said you almost…” She brought Beidou’s hand down from. her face to her lap. She gave it a small squeeze.
Beidou frowned.
“I’m sorry,” she said. She didn’t know what else to say besides those two words. She wasn’t even sure if they could ever convey how truly sorry she felt. She was beginning to remember bits and pieces of that final encounter with Haishan and she could only imagine how gruesome she’d looked right afterward.
“It’s—“ Ganyu’s voice hitched. “I can’t say that it’s alright because it wasn’t. I… I never want to see you like that again.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I was really scared,” she said, her voice starting to shake. “You had four gashes on your back, three broken ribs, a broken leg, and a head wound. Baizhu said had the cuts been a couple centimeters deeper, you… You might not have made it. He spent several hours stitching you back together.”
Beidou hung her head, feeling ashamed. She had been so stupid— it wasn’t that she regretted what she had done but how she’d gone about doing it. She knew that she was incredibly fortunate to have even made it back to Liyue in one piece at all. The pirate turned to look at her lover who was wiping her tears away.
“I’m sorry,” Beidou said again. “I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. Not just for this but for everything. For not listening, for not writing back, for…”
“Stop,” Ganyu said and shook her head. “I don’t want you to apologize anymore. I’m just thankful you made it home.”
“You gave me the strength to,” Beidou said and smiled. “While I was battling, I realized… I realized I couldn’t leave you behind, not like that. Not without telling you how I feel.”
Beidou took a deep breath and scooched over on the bed. She pulled her hand out of Ganyu’s and patted the space she had made. The older woman shook her head.
“You’re still recovering—“
“Please? I want to hold you while I say this.” Beidou gave Ganyu her best pleading look. The latter finally caved and gently climbed into the bed. Beidou wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and buried her face into her blue hair. Her wounds stung at the movement but she couldn’t care less.
“What is it?” Ganyu asked.
“While I was battling Haishan, I realized you were right,” she began. “The time together we have is so short, isn’t it? Considering you’re an adeptus and I’m just a mere human. My existence will be but a mere moment in your life.”
Ganyu began to protest but Beidou brought a finger to her lips.
“Let me finish please,” she said. “I’ve always known this, you know. I’m not your first lover and I won’t be your last. I knew this and I thought it would be enough. If I get to spend this lifetime with you, that’ll be enough for me. But while I was on the verge of death, I knew it wasn’t, and I don't think it ever will be.
I spend so much time out on the sea, and you’ve never asked me, not once, to give it up so we can be together. Even when you were more aware that the time we have together is already so short, you let me spend that time away, doing what I love. I took that for granted.”
“I don’t want you to give up what you love,” Ganyu whispered. She leaned in and pressed her face against Beidou’s neck.
“And I can’t thank you enough for that. But,” Beidou paused to kiss the top of Ganyu’s head. “I love you as well, and I don’t want to give you up either.”
Ganyu gasped at the declaration and pulled away to look at Beidou’s face. Tears began to spill from her eyes again and the pirate chuckled while wiping them away.
“Why are you crying?”
“I wanted to say it first, dummy,” Ganyu sniffled. Beidou let out another laugh before pressing a kiss to her lover’s lips.
“You can tell me now.”
“I love you.”
“I love you,” Beidou whispered against her lips. “One lifetime with you is not enough. I want to spend an eternity with you. That’s what I prayed, right as I was about to give in.”
She reached into her pocket, grabbing the small object she’d felt buzzing against her leg the entire time. She pressed it into Ganyu’s palm, causing the latter to break the kiss and look down. A gasp escaped her lips.
“Your vision…!”
“I guess Her Majesty the shogun approved my wish,” Beidou said and smiled. The electro vision glowed a vibrant purple, almost as if it was feeding off the energy between the two of them. “It brought me home to you. I don’t know how, but I’ll find a way. I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth, till the end of time itself. That is, if you’ll have me.”
“Of course,” Ganyu cried and kissed Beidou. “Forever.”
“Forever.”
***
It was no secret how the legendary captain of the Crux Fleet, Beidou, received her vision. The people of Liyue knew the story of her triumph over the terrible Haishan well in their hearts— “a single bolt of lightning struck the ocean as she bathed in the blood of her nemesis, and thus descended a vision to the slayer of the sea monster”. The vision was a fitting prize bestowed upon the greatest hero Liyue had ever seen. And Beidou herself would confirm this story, always retelling it with a boisterous laugh for whoever wanted to hear.
It was better this way. The people didn’t need to know the actual truth. That was for one person and one person only.