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Seungmin is twenty-five when he first makes the forty pact with Hyunjin.

They are attending the wedding of Seungmin’s sister, with Hyunjin as Seungmin’s guest (“not date,” he tells his sister insistently, who eyes him dubiously). The reception is starting to wind down a bit, and the two of them are sitting at one of the tables, sipping on some champagne and watching the guests dance.

“You should hit the dance floor and do the choreography to ‘Play with Fire’ or ‘Motley Crew,’” Seungmin tells Hyunjin, playfully. “You’re a better dancer than all of these people combined.”

Hyunjin snorts. “And give your noona’s wedding guests heart attacks? That would be horrible PR for Stray Kids.”

Seungmin lets out a little peal of laughter, and the two of them continue to sit together in companionable silence.

Seungmin turns to study his friend. Hyunjin looks handsome today, Seungmin thinks to himself. Hyunjin’s hair is falling charmingly into his eyes, and the suit he is wearing is tailored to perfection. Seungmin feels his heart swell with a sense of pride. Hyunjin has grown up well, Seungmin thinks. Seungmin has been there for it all, from when Hyunjin was a gangly teenager ill at ease with his limbs to now, when he has grown into himself and is incomprehensibly stunning, the it boy of the fourth-generation of K-pop groups.

Hyunjin hums thoughtfully, and Seungmin breaks out of his reverie. “This is the first wedding I’ve attended as an adult,” Hyunjin muses. “It’s strange to think that we are approaching the age where people are starting to get married.”

Seungmin nods in agreement. “Yeah, some of my high school friends are starting to get pretty serious with their girlfriends.”

“And here we are, still painfully single,” Hyunjin complains. Seungmin can’t deny that. He brought Hyunjin as his guest to his sister’s wedding, after all.

Hyunjin looks Seungmin in the eyes, his tone light. “If we both reach forty and we’re both still single, we should move in together and become bachelor roommates,” Hyunjin suggests.

“You’re ridiculous,” Seungmin giggles.

Hyunjin pouts. “Would living with me be so bad? I don’t want to die alone, and you’re my best friend. I could think of worse fates.”

Seungmin blames it on the alcohol that he’s even considering this absurd proposition. “I don’t intend to still be single by the time I reach forty,” Seungmin replies, “but if I am, then sure, I guess.”

Hyunjin’s eyes widen in surprise. “Really?”

Seungmin feels a prickle of nervousness and discomfort crawling over his skin. Had Seungmin taken the proposition more seriously than Hyunjin had? “It’s all hypothetical at this point,” Seungmin sniffs haughtily. “A lot can happen in fifteen years, you know.”

“True, true,” Hyunjin murmurs placatingly.

At that moment, Seungmin’s sister appears, hands outstretched towards Hyunjin. “I want to dance with the handsomest man in Korea!” she grins, radiant.

Hyunjin dips his head obediently. “Your wish is my command. How can I deny the beautiful bride on her wedding day?”

The two of them spin off, laughing. Seungmin finds that he can’t stop smiling.

In the intervening ten years, they talk about the forty pact now and again, and when they do, it’s more of a joke.

Stray Kids still have the occasional comeback as a group, but at this point, post-military, almost everyone has moved out of the dorms and is starting to branch off into their own careers. Changbin, for instance, has focused on rapping and producing. Hyunjin is a solo artist and actor. Seungmin is a ballad singer and variety host.

The members are all still pretty close—absence might even make the heart grow fonder, as they say—exchanging memes on their Kakao group chat and grabbing meals together. Hyunjin is one of the members Seungmin remains closest with. Hardly a day goes by without them texting or Kakao messaging one another, and they try to have a meet up or at least a phone call approximately monthly when they’re not too busy with their careers.

They’re at one of their usual haunts, a hole-in-the-wall kalguksu restaurant whose owner has known them for years, since they first debuted, and can be counted on to be discreet. Hyunjin is slurping on his noodles, all decorum chucked out the window. Hyunjin takes a moment to pause from inhaling his noodles to smile at Seungmin, pleased, his eyes crinkling cutely in the corners. “Thanks for sending the food truck to the movie filming set, Minnie.”

Seungmin smiles fondly in response. “No problem. Did the staff enjoy it?”

Hyunjin nods vigorously. “The combination of coffee and churros was delicious and gave everyone strength to keep working.”

“I’m glad,” Seungmin replies, flashing Hyunjin a thumbs up.

“Anyway,” Hyunjin continues, “what’s new with you?”

“Actually,” Seungmin smiles secretively, “I’m seeing someone.”

Hyunjin looks up from his kalguksu, eyes wide. “Oh yeah?”

Seungmin nods. “One of my friends from high school set me up on a blind date with one of his wife’s friends. Her name is Areum.”

Hyunjin hums noncommittally. “Is she treating you right?”

“She’s really sweet and considerate,” Seungmin responds. “It’s still early, but I could see us becoming pretty serious.”

Hyunjin has a neutral expression on his face. “I hope so,” he mutters. “All those other women who you’ve dated before didn’t deserve you.”

Seungmin ignores the barb, instead grinning teasingly at Hyunjin. “No forty pact for us then, I guess.”

Hyunjin shrugs indifferently. “I guess not.”

Seungmin frowns slightly. “Are you still not dating anyone?”

Hyunjin nods. “As single as I always have been.”

“I don’t get it,” Seungmin laughs incredulously. “You love watching romance dramas so much, you constantly paint delicate, heart-fluttering moments like couples tenderly cupping each other’s faces—how have you not dated anyone?”

Hyunjin shrugs again, and Seungmin shakes his head. “Is it because you’re so gorgeous that you just want to explore who is out there and can’t commit? Or is it because you’ve watched too many dramas and your expectations of a partner are too unrealistic? Because I know for sure that women would line up for the chance to date you.”

There’s a flash of an emotion that passes through Hyunjin’s eyes that Seungmin can’t quite identify—anger? Hurt? before the emotion submerges beneath the pools of Hyunjin’s eyes. “I just haven’t met anyone I want to date,” Hyunjin states, voice tight. It’s obvious he wants Seungmin to drop the subject, so Seungmin does.

They settle into a comfortable rhythm for the rest of the meal, trading stories about their friends and family.

Three years later, Seungmin sees the demise of his relationship with Areum after a heated argument in a restaurant. Seungmin sighs, walking back to his apartment, pulling his jacket closer to him in the chilly autumn air.

He trudges into his apartment and washes up, dazed and simply going through the motions. He pulls on a comfy sweatshirt and sweatpants, settling into his couch.

He calls the first person who comes to mind.

Hyunjin picks up after a couple of rings. “Hey,” he murmurs, “I’m in the kitchen right now, give me a second to walk to my room so I don’t wake up my parents.”

Seungmin feels a sense of guilt settle in his stomach for calling Hyunjin so late. While Seungmin has his own apartment, Hyunjin had decided to move back in with his parents after leaving the dorms. Hyunjin claimed that it was so he didn’t have to waste money on rent, but Seungmin knows it’s because he wants to take care of his parents as an only child.

“Okay,” Hyunjin says, voice a little louder. “What’s up?”

“Areum broke up with me,” Seungmin replies. The moment he says the words, he can feel tears pricking at the edge of his eyes out of frustration.

Before Hyunjin can respond, Seungmin continues talking, tumbling over his words, voice wavering. “Hyunjin, do you think it’s me? This is like the fifth girlfriend who has broken up with me because I’m ‘emotionally unavailable.’”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Minnie, of course it’s not you,” Hyunjin answers, voice harsh. “These women just don’t appreciate what they have and don’t deserve you.”

Seungmin sighs, voice quiet. “Areum complained that I was more emotionally available to you than I was to her.”

“She’s probably just insecure,” Hyunjin says dismissively. “I have to check my schedule, but let’s grab some beers and hang out in a noraebang sometime this week to cheer you up, yeah?”

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin states, voice somber. “Let’s enact the forty pact now.”

“Now?” Hyunjin squeaks. “Are you serious?”

“I’m thirty-eight and my girlfriend of three years who I thought I’d marry just broke up with me,” Seungmin comments. “I’m not getting any younger, Hyunjin. What are the chances I’m going to get married at this point? I’m swearing off relationships, Hyunjin, they all just end in the same way. Let’s fulfill the pact a little early, you can move into my spare bedroom. What do you say?”

There’s a pause on the other side of the line. “You just broke up today, Minnie. I don’t want you to make a spontaneous decision that you’re going to regret. Maybe think about it for a couple of weeks and get back to me, yeah?”

Belatedly, Seungmin remembers Hyunjin’s reasons for living with his parents. “Will your parents be okay if you move in with me?”

Hyunjin yawns. “Your apartment is still close to my parents’, I could still spend time with them or stay with them on occasion. Anyway, we’ll cross that bridge if we get there.”

Hyunjin stays on the line, telling Seungmin the silly hijinks he got into with Jeongin’s children when he visited him. Seungmin laughs, and the disappointment and sadness about Areum recedes from his mind.

The more Seungmin thinks about the prospect of Hyunjin moving in, the more sense it seems to make.

From a purely economic standpoint, it makes sense to have a roommate so that his rent will be halved.

Seungmin has to admit that he gets a little lonely, too. When he first moved out of the dorms, he was relieved for the privacy and the control over his living space (in other words, not having to deal with everyone else’s messes). As the years have gone by, though, he has started to feel nostalgic about those days when there was always someone around to talk to, play a game with, or go out to eat with. It will be nice to have another person to live with, and Hyunjin is one of his best friends.

It might be easier for the other Stray Kids members to see them, too, if they move in together. Maybe they could even host a party at their apartment for old times’ sake. Seungmin nods to himself.

“Hey,” he texts Hyunjin. “Let’s do it.”

Hyunjin moves in over the course of a week. It’s a little weird and different to have someone around the house, but it’s not bad. They decide initially not to tell the other members, in case it turns out that they’re wildly incompatible and Hyunjin ends up moving out again.

Slowly, they fall into the tempo of living together over the course of months. There are some disagreements—Hyunjin is still messier than Seungmin, they have to figure out how to split the chores, and Hyunjin accidentally buys too much food for two people when he goes grocery shopping at first. They have a lot of fun though when they’re both home, too, watching dramas, cooking together, or even just talking.

When Seungmin announces in the group message that Hyunjin has moved in and they’re hosting a party to belatedly welcome Hyunjin plus have a Stray Kids reunion, the responses are different than what he’d expected. “Is this real?” Chan asks. “You two are really going through with the forty pact?” Minho messages. At least Felix has some decency. “I can’t wait to see you all!”

Seungmin and Hyunjin’s apartment is decently sized, but it’s still a bit of a squeeze for eight grown men in the living room. They’re drinking some beers, catching up on what’s going on in each other’s lives, and Seungmin is pleasantly buzzed.

Hyunjin, generous with skinship as always, is sitting on the armrest of the couch, his arms draped around Seungmin.

Changbin raises an eyebrow at that. “You two seem awfully cuddly. Anything you want to share with the class?”

Seungmin’s mind is cloudy, but he thinks he sees Hyunjin shoot a glare at Changbin, who holds his hands up in defense and drops the subject. The conversation moves on, and Seungmin forgets about it.

Seungmin and Hyunjin clean up the apartment, or more accurately, Hyunjin cleans up the apartment, as Seungmin is more inebriated.

“That was fun to have everyone together again,” Seungmin mumbles. “It’s been nice to have you here, too.”

Hyunjin flashes a brilliant smile and gently pats Seungmin on the head. “I really enjoy living with you, too.”

Seungmin frowns slightly, and Hyunjin chuckles at that. “What’s got you frowning like that?”

Seungmin isn’t sure why his mind is revisiting the conversation with Changbin, but he can’t make heads or tails of it. “What was Changbin trying to imply when he asked us if we wanted to share anything with the class?”

Seungmin notices that Hyunjin stiffens at that. “Don’t worry about it, Minnie,” he replies, his voice deliberately airy.

“No, I want to know,” Seungmin insists.

Hyunjin shakes his head, but Seungmin is persistent.

Eventually, Hyunjin cracks. “He was implying that we are romantically involved.”

Seungmin sputters at that. “Us? Romantically involved? Why would Changbin think that? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Seungmin observes Hyunjin’s jaw clenching. Hyunjin’s voice is deathly quiet, which is somehow worse than if he was yelling. “Because I’m in love with you, Seungmin.”

Seungmin is bewildered. “What? You’re in love with me?”

Hyunjin sighs. “You’re drunk, Seungmin, let’s talk about this another time. Just drop it.”

“I’m not going to drop it,” Seungmin scowls. “You’re in love with me? Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Hyunjin looks miserable, exhausted and frustrated and defeated. “What would be the point, Seungmin? You’ve always dated women, it has never even seemed to cross your mind that a man would ever be with anyone other than a woman. Like you would say all the time that any woman would be lucky to have me or that women would line up to date me. What the hell was I supposed to say to that?”

Seungmin frowns. “So, you’re only interested in men?”

Hyunjin snarls. “Yes, Seungmin, I’m gay. I’m only attracted to men.”

Seungmin blinks. “So did you date men but just not tell me?”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “I slept around with men, but I never dated them. Korea is still a really homophobic country, you know that. It would have been a career ender.”

Hyunjin takes a deep, shaky breath. “But the bigger reason was because I knew I would never love anyone the way I love you, and that would have been unfair to the other person.”

“You’re my first love, and my only love, Seungmin,” Hyunjin whispers. “You’re it for me. I’ve adored you for nearly twenty years now. I never shut up about you, I always cling to you, and I always do what I can to make you happy because I love you, Seungmin. I have for a long time, and I always will.”

“Then why—why did you propose the forty pact then?” Seungmin asks, confused.

Hyunjin closes his eyes, tears rolling down his face. “Because that was all I could ask for. Because that was enough for me. Being your best friend, being your platonic life partner, always being by your side, that was enough for me. Even if you didn’t feel the same way.”

Hyunjin looks at Seungmin expectantly, and Seungmin realizes that he’s waiting for Seungmin to say something. “Er, I don’t know what to say,” Seungmin stammers, and Hyunjin’s face crumples.

“I think I’m going to go stay with my parents,” Hyunjin whispers, and he turns on his heel and leaves.

Seungmin wonders how the night went so wrong.

Seungmin wakes up the next day, a Sunday, with a wicked headache. He groans as he gets out of bed, swearing off alcohol now that he’s nearing his forties. He’s walking from his bedroom to the bathroom when he sees that Hyunjin’s art supplies are gone from their study, and the events of the preceding night come crashing down on him.

Fuck.

That night, Seungmin finds himself in front of Jeongin’s apartment. The door swings open, and Jeongin motions to Seungmin to come in. “You just saw me yesterday, hyung,” Jeongin whines. “What’s got you sending panicked texts to me that you have to see me today?”

Seungmin toes off his shoes, ignoring the question. “Are all your kids in bed?”

Jeongin nods.

“Congratulations on your recent trot tour, by the way,” Seungmin mentions offhandedly, totally off topic.

Jeongin hums, grabbing two beer cans from his refrigerator for him and Seungmin. “Thanks, but you’re avoiding my question, Seungmin hyung. How is Seunghwang doing?”

Seungmin blinks, confused.

“Seunghwang,” Jeongin repeats, placing the cans on the kitchen table. “You know, your old ship name with Hyunjin hyung.”

Seungmin freezes.

Jeongin must pick up on this, because he frowns. “Are things not going well with Hyunjin hyung? You two seemed really cuddly yesterday, like Changbin hyung said.”

“Um,” Seungmin mutters. “Hyunjin….Hyunjin actually told me that he loved me last night.”

“Oh, okay,” Jeongin replies calmly.

Seungmin frowns. “You don’t seem surprised by this.”

Jeongin snorts. “That’s because I’m not surprised.”

Seungmin’s eyes widen in shock. “You knew?”

Jeongin sighs. “Of course I knew, hyung. Everyone knew.”

Seungmin huffs, indignant. “Well, I didn’t! Why didn’t you tell me, then? You’re one of my best friends!”

Jeongin shakes his head. “It wasn’t my story to tell.” Seungmin supposes he can’t argue with that.

“At any rate,” Jeongin taps his fingers on the table, “how did you respond when Hyunjin hyung confessed to you?”

Seungmin rubs the nape of his neck. “I, er, told him that I didn’t know what to say.”

Jeongin looks up at the ceiling of his apartment, as if he is hoping that God will give him strength.

“So where is Hyunjin hyung now?” Jeongin asks.

“He told me he was going to stay with his parents,” Seungmin whispers.

Jeongin groans.

“Well,” Jeongin gestures vaguely with his beer can, “now that Hyunjin hyung has lay all his cards on the table, what do you think of that?”

Seungmin frowns. “I’m just so confused! I had no idea he was in love with me!”

Jeongin pinches his brow. “Hyung,” Jeongin states plainly, “I know you wouldn’t be this oblivious if it was happening to someone else.”

“Let me put it this way,” Jeongin proposes. “Say you have two friends, person A and person B.”

“Are they in the entertainment industry?” Seungmin questions.

“Sure,” Jeongin replies, indifferent. “Person A talks about person B nonstop, to the point where word clouds of person A’s V-lives have person B’s name as the largest word, person A does lots of skinship to person B even off camera, and person A shows unfailing support to person B, even at the expense of their own happiness. What would you conclude?”

“That’s obvious,” Seungmin snorts. “Person A is in love with person B.”

Jeongin rubs his temples. “Okay, so why is it different when person A is Hyunjin hyung and person B is you?”

Seungmin opens and closes his mouth like a goldfish. “Um,” he stammers.

Jeongin looks at Seungmin, eyebrows raised, unimpressed.

“It seems obvious when you lay it out like that,” Seungmin says, voice small, “but I really thought it was just Hyunjin being Hyunjin…Hyunjin being my best friend.”

Jeongin looks a little exasperated, but he soldiers on. “Okay, now that we’ve established that Hyunjin hyung loves you, how do you feel about that?”

“I’m not sure what to think,” Seungmin fidgets. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in that way before.”

“Hmmm,” Jeongin replies, pensive. He unlocks his phone, navigating to a photo album that seems like it’s titled “if they ever get their shit together.” He selects a photo and shows it to Seungmin. “What do you think of this photo?”

Seungmin peers over at the photo. It’s an old photo of him and Hyunjin in the waiting room of some music show or another. Hyunjin is lying down with his head in Seungmin’s lap with his eyes closed, and Seungmin is looking at Hyunjin. It doesn’t seem like either of them noticed the camera. When Seungmin takes a closer look at the expression on his own face, he feels bowled over, like the air is being knocked out of his lungs.

His expression is unbearably fond and adoring. There is no better way to phrase it—he looks like he’s in love.

Seungmin looks up at Jeongin, panicked. “Is that how I look at him?” he asks, plaintive.

“You never look at him that way in the public eye,” Jeongin answers, taking his phone back. “But in quiet, private moments like that—most of the time.”

The two of them sit in silence as Seungmin tries to process this information.

Eventually, Jeongin stands up from the table. “It’s getting late, hyung, you should probably head back.”

“Oh, okay,” Seungmin says robotically, collecting the two beer cans and throwing them away in the trash. “Thanks for listening, Innie.”

As Jeongin walks Seungmin to the door, Jeongin looks conflicted, as if he is debating whether to mention something to Seungmin. He finally speaks. “Hyung, how would you feel if Hyunjin hyung never talked to you again?”

Seungmin doesn’t know how to explain the wave of panic, nausea, and distress that washes over him at the suggestion. He can barely speak. “I—I—”

Jeongin watches Seungmin patiently.

“I don’t know what life would be like without him,” Seungmin whispers.

It’s fortunate, Seungmin thinks, that he’s not promoting a new album or filming a variety show right now, given how poorly he slept the previous night. He had tossed and turned all night, desperately chasing after a moment of peace.

He lies on his bed, staring at his ceiling, mulling over the events of the past two days.

When he finally gets up, he feels like his apartment is haunted. In every nook and cranny of the house are lingering wisps of memories with Hyunjin. In the kitchen, Hyunjin chuckling after Seungmin’s failed attempt to cook, devolving into a petty food fight. In the living room, Hyunjin curled up against Seungmin’s side on the couch, listening to Seungmin sing. In the study, a painting Hyunjin had happily presented to him of the Paris skyline when Seungmin had commented offhand that he missed it.

In all honesty, it feels like one of his breakups with his girlfriends, but worse.

Listless, Seungmin eventually returns to his bed, pulling his covers up to his chin.

Seungmin turns the puzzle in his mind, again and again. After the events of the past few days, Seungmin feels like his world has tilted on its axis, that he is viewing his life through a whole new lens, and it is a disorienting and destabilizing process.

Hyunjin loves him, that much seems clear. Or at least he did, before Seungmin reacted to his confession with “I don’t know what to say.”

The harder questions to answer are, how does he feel about Hyunjin? And where does he want to go from here?

If you had asked Seungmin a week ago how he felt about Hyunjin, he might have eventually conceded that he loved Hyunjin platonically, but denied loving Hyunjin romantically.

Now, he’s not so sure.

Seungmin is just confused, doesn’t know where platonic love ends and romantic love begins, doesn’t know if Hyunjin is special to him because he’s his best friend or because Seungmin wants something more.

Seungmin has never thought he was physically attracted to men, and he examines this closer. Thinks about how he couldn’t take his eyes off Hyunjin when he first met him. Thinks about Hyunjin’s intense, captivating eyes; charming eye mole; full, plush lips. Imagines himself kissing those lips, imagines himself pressing Hyunjin into a mattress, and he finds that he’s not opposed to the idea. He’s surprised, and he files the thought away for later.

There’s no doubt in Seungmin’s mind that he has an emotional connection with Hyunjin. Thinks about how they’ve always been—comforting each other during emotionally difficult times, discussing profound philosophical topics with each other, making each other better people. Seungmin always thought that this was because they were best friends, but had he been wrong about that?

A voice in his head that sounds strangely like Jeongin snidely asks Seungmin if he would hold the hands of any of the other members of Stray Kids for thirty minutes while they cried. If Seungmin is truthful, the answer is probably no.

Seungmin sets the question of how he feels about Hyunjin aside. His brain still feels muddled about the contours of his love.

Where does he want to go from here?

Seungmin thinks about Jeongin’s question, thinks about his visceral response to the possibility of losing Hyunjin. But was his extreme reaction because he would be losing his best friend of twenty years, or because Hyunjin meant more to him than just a best friend?

Seungmin’s not sure. What he is sure about, though, is the picture Hyunjin painted for him of being best friends, of being life partners, of staying by each other’s side—Seungmin wants that, desperately. If he thinks about it more abstractly, there’s no one he would rather spend the rest of his life with by his side. And maybe that’s all the answer Seungmin needs.

Seungmin turns the puzzle in his mind, again and again.

Seungmin spends the next few days moping around his apartment, lost in thought.

What finally gets him out of the apartment is when Chan texts him to see if he’s free for a walk.

Seungmin doesn’t really want to go for a walk, but he doesn’t have a good excuse to refuse, besides the fact that he has always had a hard time saying no to Chan anyway.

So, Seungmin finds himself meeting up with Chan, the two of them walking along the Han River. Seungmin doesn’t have the energy to talk much, and instead listens to Chan chatter about some songs he is working on for JYP’s new boy group. After a couple of miles, Chan sits down on a bench and gestures to Seungmin to join him.

“You okay?” Chan asks Seungmin. “You’ve been awfully quiet today.”

Seungmin bites his lip, warring with himself about how much he should tell Chan.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Chan asks gently, and that’s enough to tip Seungmin over.

The words are tumbling out of Seungmin’s mouth before Seungmin knows what is happening. Seungmin tells Chan everything—Hyunjin’s confession, his conversation with Jeongin, his reflections of the past few days. It’s nice to talk to someone about the thoughts that have been bottled up in his mind for so long, and Chan has always been a good listener.

Seungmin takes a deep breath after he finishes talking. Chan hums. “That sounds like a lot, Seungminnie. How are you feeling?”

Seungmin frowns. How is he feeling? “Overwhelmed and confused.”

Chan nods. “Why is that?”

Seungmin fiddles with the string of his hoodie. “I guess it’s mostly because I always thought I was straight…it’s confusing to find this possible new side of me. Hyung, is it bad, or wrong…?”

Chan forcefully shakes his head no. “As far as I’m concerned, love is love, Seungminnie. What’s more important is how you feel about that person, and how they make you feel…there is nothing wrong with you if you are in love with Hyunjin. I still care for you and accept who you are all the same, Seungminnie. Whether you’re attracted to women, men, or both, nothing could change my mind about you.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Seungmin whispers.

Eventually, even though Seungmin is still learning about himself and grappling with himself, he resolves to talk to Hyunjin. They’ve always discussed things together, and Seungmin doesn’t think this should be an exception, even if Seungmin is a little uncertain about where he stands. Seungmin misses Hyunjin terribly, too. They’ve never gone this long without talking.

Seungmin psyches himself up to call Hyunjin and dials Hyunjin’s number. The phone rings, and rings, and rings, and eventually goes to voicemail. It’s pathetic, but Seungmin stays on the line just to listen to Hyunjin’s voice. “Hi, this is Hyunjin!” the voicemail states cheerfully. “I apologize that I can’t get to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, number, and message, I will call you back as soon as I can. Have a nice day!”

The voicemail beeps, and Seungmin sighs, hanging up.

It’s annoying to call again, but maybe Hyunjin was just too far away from his phone to pick up, and if Seungmin tries again, Hyunjin will pick up this time…? So Seungmin calls Hyunjin again.

Hyunjin picks up after a couple of rings. “Hello, Seungmin?” Hyunjin murmurs. His tone of voice is a stark contrast from his voicemail—Hyunjin sounds exhausted and sad, and Seungmin aches. Did he do this to Hyunjin?

Seungmin must stay silent for too long, because Hyunjin speaks again, sounding worried. “Seungmin, are you there? Is this an emergency?”

Seungmin finds his voice. “No, not an emergency. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry, Seungmin,” Hyunjin’s voice cracks. “If it’s not an emergency, I don’t think I can talk to you right now. I’m sorry. I need some space.”

“Oh,” Seungmin replies, helplessly. “Um, okay.”

“Sorry, Seungmin,” Hyunjin whispers and hangs up.

Seungmin sits staring at his phone for a long time after that.

As the days pass, Seungmin’s resolve to speak to Hyunjin strengthens, and he starts making plans.

Hyunjin’s primary manager used to manage all of Stray Kids as a group when they were promoting more actively as eight, and he has known all of them since they were bright-eyed rookies, so Seungmin has his number.

“Hyung,” Seungmin texts him, “what is Hyunjin’s schedule like the next few weeks?”

Seungmin receives a response after a couple of minutes. “Kkk why are you asking me, Seungmin? Can’t you just ask Hyunjin?”

“I want to surprise Hyunjin,” Seungmin texts back, which is partially true.

“Hyunjin is pretty busy filming,” Hyunjin’s manager replies, “but I’m planning to treat him to a meal after he wraps up filming in two weeks.”

Seungmin feels his heart fly up to his throat. “Hyung, can I join? Can you text me the details?”

The two weeks fly by, Seungmin immersed in preparations. Before he knows it, he’s sitting in a restaurant booth, waiting for Hyunjin and his manager to arrive.

When Hyunjin spots Seungmin, Hyunjin turns to his manager, a look of betrayal on his face, and Hyunjin looks like he’s of half a mind to leave. “Hyunjin, please,” Seungmin pleads, and Hyunjin sighs deeply, running his hands through his hair. He ends up sitting down at the booth, though.

Seungmin inhales deeply and starts strumming some chords on his guitar. “A day alone when I felt rather awkward,” Seungmin starts singing, and Seungmin catches the flash of recognition that passes through Hyunjin’s face.

Seungmin pours his whole heart into the song, and as he sings, he sees tears falling from Hyunjin’s eyes. “I’ll call your name, which is like the approaching sunlight,” Seungmin finishes off, and strums the last chord, the sound fading away into the air.

“Did you mean it?” Hyunjin whispers. “Did you mean what you sang?”

“Yes,” Seungmin replies, voice hushed. “I meant all of it.”

Seungmin takes a deep breath, placing his guitar to the side and staring intently into Hyunjin’s dark, lovely eyes. For how much Seungmin likes to be straightforward, he’s always had trouble telling people what they mean to him, but he wants to do it. Wants to do it for Hyunjin.

“Hyunjin, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” Seungmin starts off. “For example, I was thinking about who I said my ideal type would be, all those years ago,” Seungmin says, a self-deprecating quirk to his lips. “I said I wanted someone who takes good care of me, is adventurous, and has a kind and slightly shy personality. I realize now that I described you perfectly. You’ve always been there by my side, but I was too blind to see you…”

“I just wanted to tell you, I’m sorry for how blind I’ve been. I’m sorry how often I must have unintentionally hurt you with my careless words. I’m sorry, too, that it took me so long to understand,” Seungmin continues. “You’ve been waiting for me for so long.”

Seungmin bites his lip. “I don’t know if I love you platonically or romantically—I’m still learning that about myself, still figuring things out. But what I do know, though, is that I want to always be here for you, that I always want to be by your side, until you’re sick of me, and even then. When you talked about being best friends, being life partners, staying by each other’s side, Hyunjin, there’s nothing I want more in the world.”

Seungmin barrels on. “I want to try, Hyunjin, I really do. I have missed you so much these past few weeks, and I have discovered that I can’t imagine a life without you…”

“I’m the pabo, the fool, for only being with you because of the forty pact, instead of appreciating you for the precious person you are and asking, no begging, you to be by my side.” Seungmin shakes his head, thinking about how stupid he’s been.

“But I know better now, and so here I am doing that now, asking you to forget about the forty pact, asking you to be by my side now as my first choice, instead of my last resort. Hyunjin, what do you say? Can you forgive me? Can you wait a little longer, be a little more patient with me? Can you grace me with your company, let me show you how much I appreciate you, for the rest of our lives? Will you come home?” Seungmin waits with bated breath.

Hyunjin looks up at Seungmin, and Seungmin swears Hyunjin holds the world in his eyes. “Yes, Minnie,” he murmurs. “Yes, to everything. Yes, I’ll come home.”