Chapter Text
“Seungmin! Seungmin!”
Seungmin sighs. He’d recognize that voice anywhere. He turns sharply on his heel so that he’s face-to-face with Hwang Hyunjin.
“Do you have it?” Hyunjin asks. Seungmin nods, swinging around his backpack and unzipping it to grab a red folder.
“$35,” Seungmin says simply. Hyunjin nods, handing him back two twenty dollar bills.
“You’re a lifesaver, Seungmin,” Hyunjin enthuses after Seungmin gives him the folder. Seungmin just sighs. He certainly didn’t feel like a lifesaver. “You can keep the difference.”
“Thanks,” Seungmin mumbles. “I wrote about getting rid of school uniforms. I know the prompt suggested Global Warming, but I figured this was more digestible.”
Hyunjin nods, flipping through the pages in the essay.
“You could have written it about dolphins, and it would be better than anything I’ve ever done,” Hyunjin admits. Seungmin offers him a fake smile. He certainly didn’t think it was funny, but what else was he supposed to do?
Seungmin didn’t get any satisfaction out of running his little “business,” but he was saving for college. If he was ever going to get out of this suffocating hell hole of a suburb, he had to do things he didn’t like to do; for example, writing every English essay Hwang Hyunjin turned in this year.
“Hey, um, isn’t your testing today?” Hyunjin asked suddenly. Seungmin bit the inside of his lip. The Matching.
The process was simple: you showed up at the Matching center, they gave you a bunch of tests to determine your compatibility with others, then they called you when they found your supposed soulmate.
“It’s supposed to be,” Seungmin replies. That’s the best he could manage. He’d been thinking a lot lately: about how the Matching was a waste of time, about how he wasn’t sure he was ready to be matched now. He wasn’t even sure if he’d ever be ready to be matched. “Why?”
“I was hoping I’d see a familiar face there,” Hyunjin explains. Seungmin shrugs.
He and Hyunjin had both turned eighteen earlier in the year which meant they were now eligible to be matched. For many people like Hyunjin and Seungmin, who came from families known for their loyalty to the matchmaking system, getting their testing done was urgent. They wanted to get into the system as fast as possible so they could meet their match as soon as possible.
Hyunjin was one of those people. Seungmin couldn’t blame him. He used to be one, too.
“I think I might ditch it,” Seungmin admits. “There are more important things in life than being told who you’re supposed to marry.”
Hyunjin sighs softly.
“You’ve been acting differently the past couple of months, Seungmin,” Hyunjin observes. “I’m worried about you.”
“There’s nothing to worry about,” Seungmin insists. “I’m just a different person now.”
“Why?” Hyunjin asks. Seungmin hesitates. He knew the answer, but Hyunjin was the last person on earth Seungmin wanted to share his feelings with.
“I’m just different,” he reaffirms.
There’s a beat of silence where Hyunjin obviously wants to press the issue further, and Seungmin just prays he doesn’t. He decides to wrap up the conversation before Hyunjin can build up the nerve.
“Good luck with the Matching, though. I’m sure you’ll be paired with someone great,” Seungmin assures him.
“I hope so,” Hyunjin grumbles back. Seungmin leaves shortly after. He wished his problems could be as simple as longing for a soulmate again.
• • •
“This can’t be right,” Seungmin announces. He’d been staring down at the folder before him in disbelief since it’d been handed to him by the clerk nearly five minutes ago.
“The Matching makes no mistakes,” the clerk informs him. She doesn’t even look up from her keyboard, just continues clacking away with her too-long acrylic nails. Seungmin didn’t think she was even really working on anything; she just thought the loud noises would keep him away.
“No, I know. It’s just”—he sighs deeply, trying to figure out how to explain himself—“I know him.”
The clerk rolls her eyes, which Seungmin thinks isn’t exactly the most professional thing he’s ever experienced.
“A lot of people know their matches, honey,” she says, perhaps offering Seungmin all the sympathy she can muster.
“I know that,” Seungmin insists, “but he did his testing when we were eighteen. It’s been a long time.”
“He’s been waiting for you, then,” she determines. Seungmin’s face falls.
“Are you sure?” he asks. It comes out so close to a whimper he feels a little pathetic.
“I’m sure. I could run the numbers a hundred times. That’s your match,” she says definitively. “I already called him. He’ll be here soon.”
Seungmin feels his internal organs start to collapse.
“You called him?” he repeats. She nods.
“He’s been waiting four years for a match. I didn’t waste any time,” she informs Seungmin proudly. Somehow, that just made Seungmin feel guilty. He couldn’t imagine the disappointment one would feel after waiting that long for their match, only to be paired with Seungmin.
Seungmin resigns to defeat. He grabs his folder and takes a seat at one of the white, wooden tables in the lobby of the Matching center. He could feel his heart speeding up pace the more he thought about the situation at hand. He wished he could just close his eyes and breathe.
Maybe this had been a bad idea. It’s not like the Matching was mandatory. Up until last week, Seungmin had been convinced he would never even go through with it. He’d completely flaked on his first matching, and afterwards, he decided the process just wasn’t important to him.
Still, Seungmin knew, at the end of the year, he would age out of the Matching system, meaning if he didn’t get assessed now, he would never be able to. This had been enough to get him to doubt his belief he didn’t need a match.
When Hyunjin enters the big, glass doors leading to the lobby of the matching building, Seungmin wishes he had an invisibility cloak. He tries to be still, as though Hyunjin won’t be able to see him if he doesn’t make any sudden movements. Seungmin watches as Hyunjin approaches the clerk’s desk, clearly not noticing him. She hands him a folder identical to the one she gave Seungmin before pointing in his direction. Seungmin feels himself lose self-esteem seeing how wide Hyunjin’s eyes grow.
“Hi,” Hyunjin says softly, pulling out the chair across from Seungmin and sitting down. Seungmin regrets simply sitting in the lobby for the sarcastic clerk to overhear them, but he concludes that she probably heard dozens of these sorts of conversations a day. She probably couldn’t fester the energy to care what Hyunjin and Seungmin talked about.
“Hey,” Seungmin says back. He could hardly make eye contact. “Um, how have you been?”
“Uh,” Hyunjin vocalizes weakly. Seungmin guesses he probably didn’t exactly want to small talk with Seungmin. Seungmin wasn’t sure he wanted small talk either, but it was impossible for Seungmin to skip straight to the holy shit part of all this. “I’ve been good. I didn’t expect to see you here if I’m being honest.”
“I didn’t expect to see me here either,” Seungmin admits with a dry attempt at a laugh. “I’m just visiting my dad, and I thought— I don’t know. I just thought I might as well finally go through with the whole Matching thing.”
“Well, I’m glad you did,” Hyunjin states. Seungmin felt a little relieved to hear that. Seungmin couldn’t imagine being in Hyunjin’s shoes. He probably had resigned himself to not having a match at all. “What have you been up to since graduation?”
“College,” Seungmin replies. He stalls for a second before realizing he probably shouldn’t be so short with his hypothetical soulmate. “I’m going to school to be an architectural engineer.”
“Architect, wow. Do you graduate soon?” Hyunjin asks.
“Next year,” Seungmin says. “Um, I’m not graduating late or anything, though. It’s, like, a five year degree. It always takes five years. Not that it’s a bad thing if you take more than four years. I have friends that are taking longer. There are so many reasons it can take longer.”
He stops when he realizes he is overcompensating out of fear that a boy who he sold essays to in high school thinks he’s an idiot.
“That’s cool,” Hyunjin assures him. He smiles at Seungmin, and Seungmin feels stupider by the second. “I only have, like, half a marketing degree. Maybe only a third.”
“Oh, did you change your mind?” Seungmin asks. Hyunjin shakes his head.
“I was doing a social media internship with a clothing line, and they ended up really liking me, so,” Hyunjin explains, fixing his hair so it's not in his face. “I figured I don’t really need a degree if I already have the career I want.”
“You, like, tweet for a living?” Seungmin says, scrunching up his nose in disbelief. Hyunjin laughs.
“I use social media to market products for a living,” Hyunjin corrects him. Seungmin thought it was a cool career. Only someone with a personality like Hyunjin could do something like that.
“It’s kinda funny,” Seungmin decides. “You tell people what to wear for money now. In high school, you just did it for fun.”
“I didn’t tell anyone what to do!” Hyunjin laughs. “It’s not my fault if I was really cool and people wanted to be like me.”
Seungmin just stares at him.
“It’s a joke. I’m joking,” Hyunjin says sheepishly, sulking back in his chair a little.
“Sorry. I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m freaking out,” Seungmin admits. Hyunjin nods.
“I can tell. That’s why I’m trying to be funny,” Hyunjin informs him. Seungmin bites back a smile. It was endearing that Hyunjin had noticed he was stressed even if they weren’t exactly on the same page. “You don’t have to be nervous, though, Seungmin. It’s not a big deal.”
“You don’t think being told who your hypothetical soulmate is is a big deal?” Seungmin deduces. He had been furiously picking at the paint of the table, desperate to do something with his hands. The more they talked, the more he chipped the paint.
“I mean, it’s important, but I don’t think it should make you stressed,” Hyunjin shares, sitting up straighter in his chair. “You should feel comfortable around the person you’re supposed to be with.”
“I don’t think I would be comfortable right now no matter who I’m talking to,” Seungmin admits. Hyunjin sighs softly, gently reaching across the table and peeling Seungmin’s hand away from the paint. He holds it in his own palm for a few seconds, and Seungmin melts a little at how warm Hyunjin is.
“You know, Seungmin,” Hyunjin whispers, “this can be low stakes.”
“Low stakes?” Seungmin repeats back.
“Yeah, like, we can hang out and see if we see what the Matching saw, and if not, it’s not a big deal,” Hyunjin explains. He was still holding Seungmin’s hand over the table. “I’d accepted that I'd maybe never have a match, so this is like a happy surprise to me, not a necessity in my life.”
“You’re actually interested in me?” Seungmin asks. Hyunjin furrows his eyebrows.
“You’re my hypothetical soulmate,” Hyunjin reminds him. His eyes turn upwards when he grins at Seungmin afterward, and Seungmin stops for a second and realizes that Hyunjin is cute. He was a proper heartthrob with a great smile and a sharp jawline. Seungmin determined Hyunjin to be completely out of his league.
“It’s just”—he takes a deep breath—“I have to go back to school, so.”
“I can come visit you,” Hyunjin offers with a shrug. “I can kinda do most of my work from anywhere with an internet connection.”
“Right,” Seungmin says with a tiny nod. Hyunjin bites his lip.
“Give me your phone,” Hyunjin requests. Seungmin doesn’t know why, but he readily unlocks it and hands it over. It was like he was in some sort of trance. Hyunjin types on it for a couple of seconds, then returns it to Seungmin. “That’s my number. Text me when you’re ready, okay?”
“You’re so calm,” Seungmin notes with a little sigh. He closes his phone and tucks it back into his pocket.
“I’ve always felt that way when I talk to you,” Hyunjin replies. Seungmin feels his cheeks go hot with embarrassment. “Um, listen, I can’t really stay long.”
“Oh,” Seungmin says. He couldn’t manage much else.
“I’m really sorry. It’s just that I got the call really unexpectedly, and I have a work thing—”
“It’s okay,” Seungmin assures him. “I get it.”
“Please, please text me,” Hyunjin begs. Seungmin bit the inside of his lip softly. He didn’t think he’d ever had a boy want to talk to him that bad, much less a boy who looked like Hyunjin. “I wanna make plans for real.”
“Okay,” Seungmin agrees, though he knows the chances of him actually reaching out to Hyunjin were as slim as they came. Seungmin could barely look at him without feeling embarrassed.
On the bus ride back to his dad’s, Seungmin stares down at the folder he’d been given by the clerk. It was essentially all the information the Matching services had on Hyunjin. Seungmin didn’t know if he even wanted to read it.
“I’m back,” Seungmin announces as he re-enters his dad’s house. He hadn’t spent very much time back here since he’d moved out for college, and he wasn’t used to how empty the place felt without his mom and sister. In fact, he was looking forward to escaping the painful loneliness this house evoked whenever he went home in a couple of days.
“How did it go?” Seungmin’s dad asks, emerging into the foyer of the house seemingly out of nowhere.
“It was fine,” Seungmin replies, waving his folder halfheartedly. “I have a match.”
“Oh my god!” his dad exclaims. “When are you meeting him?”
“I already did,” Seungmin explains. “We went to high school together.”
“That’s great!” his dad decides. Seungmin shrugs. He’s about to tell his dad he isn’t sure about this when his dad stops and smiles at him. He looked so happy; Seungmin wasn’t sure he could ruin it. “I’ll never forget the butterflies I got looking through your mom’s folder.”
“I bet,” Seungmin says softly. “It probably made her sound perfect.”
“It did,” he agrees. “And she was. But I read every word of the file a hundred times before I even saw her in person.”
Seungmin stares down at his own folder he’d yet to open. If he read about Hyunjin, would he feel the same way? He was terrified to find out.
“Your mom would be so happy to see you doing this,” Seungmin’s dad remarks. Seungmin feels his heart sink. He knows his dad said it off-hand. He knows it’s not a serious remark. It still makes him feel guilty.
“Hey, um. All those tests and stuff really tired me out—”
“I’ll wake you up when it’s time for dinner,” his dad assures him, quickly realizing what Seungmin was trying to say.
“Thank you,” Seungmin says.
Seungmin ventures back to his old room and collapses onto the bed. He wasn’t sure he was tired, but he definitely was sick of being awake. He slowly pulls himself back up and looks over at the folder. What was the harm in just seeing what they’d written about Hyunjin?
He carefully opens it and begins to skim through what was written on the page. Seungmin had never thought before about how invasive this process was. He’d essentially been handed a research project on a normal human being’s strengths (and failures) when it came to love.
Still, Hyunjin looks good on paper. He had a good job. His family was supportive. He was cute, though Seungmin was embarrassed even thinking that.
Seungmin reads through page after page about Hyunjin and becomes increasingly convinced they could never work. Hyunjin was a hopeless romantic with a million dreams and shamelessly conveyed that during his evaluation. Seungmin had been too humiliated to even admit he wanted a match. Seungmin was realistic, careful. Hyunjin didn’t have a concept of that. Seungmin is about ready to give up on this match thing altogether when he remembers his dad. And then, he remembers his mom.
He reaches for his phone and navigates to the contact Hyunjin had created for himself. Seungmin hesitates for half a second before he dials the number.