Work Text:
日本語しゃべるます?
Anime. Oh god how they loved it. That's why they decided to go to the land where it started. The land of the rising sun. Japan. Well it was more like Pat decided and Wiki went with her. It wasn't a problem for Pat who was fluent in Japanese but Wiki on the other hand... Well I don't even want to talk about it.
After a lot of hard work and pulling a few strings Pat got them a lifetime residence visa thing and they moved. This is basicly how their first week looked like...
"こんにちは！。。。あなたの名前は何ですか?"
"はじめまして！私はパチですとこれはウィキです。よろしくお願いします！私たちはポーランドからです。"
"よろしくお願いします！" *1*
Wiki didn't understand any of it... But hey, who cares? She didn't, Pat could talk for her and translate everything for her... This is how everyday looked like once they moved...
"PATTTIIIII CHANN!!! WHAT DOES THIS SAYY?!?!"
"It says '猫' it means cat."
"PATII CHANN! WHAT DOES 'あなた' MEAN?"
"It's a kind of nice way of saying you."
"WHAT'S A MEAN WAY OF SAYING YOU?"
"あんた and お前 are pretty rude"
"Pati chan! Pati chan! What does this say?"
"It says '東京' so Tokyo and literally 'east capital.' "
"PATI CHAN! PATI CHAN! WHY DOES IT SAY 'と' IN BETWEEN THOSE TWO THINGS?"
"Because it means 'and' in this case but not always, so it says English people AND American people 'イギリス人とアメリカ人。' "
"PATI CHAN! PATI CHAN!..."
"...What?"
"I LIKE TRAINS!"
How nice... Well all this finally annoyed Pat so much she decided to not let Wiki into the house, after all she could do that since she was the one paying for it. After screaming and kicking and knocking and god knows what, Wiki finally gave up. Pat heard this and decided to use it to her advantage and teach Wiki a lesson, after all Wiki couldn't rely on her all the time.
"HEY WIKI!"
"PATI KUNNNN LET ME IN!"
"I will if you do something for me."
"REALLY PATI CHAN? OK THEN..."
"Go to the store and buy パン and 紅茶."
"What the fuck? PATII KUN BAKA!"
"パン and 紅茶。If you buy what I asked for I will let you in and if you don't understand... too bad. Oh yeah and it's not 'Pati kun baka' it's 'パチ君はばか' just so you know."
"OK THEN, パチ君はばかー"
And off Wiki went to buy whatever 'パン' and '紅茶' was. On her way to the shop she kept repeating the words. And then she remembered something that Pat said 'putting と between words meant and'. Listening is sometimes helpful. So she started repeating 'パンと紅茶' instead. She slowly started getting louder and louder until she was nearly shouting an- Wiki walked straight into someone and fell right onto her ass.
"ごめんなさい！すみません！어느것 was it again? Da-ze~"
Wiki didn't understand any of it apart from the English but she just remembered two things Pat taught her. パチ君はばか and あんた. 'パチ君' is Pati kun and you can hear that clearly in a conversation so if she replaced it with あんた it will be mean. And Wiki wanted to be mean, her ass hurt because of this idiot.
So she yelled at the person, "あんたはばか！！！" and then moaned, "Ouch my ass hurts."
You could tell she didn't know much Japanese. She looked at the person. And he looked at her. And she looked at him. And then he started laughing.
"WHAT THE JEESUSSS ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT YOU UP? WELL, I'M TOO LAZY TO DO IT SO MY FRIEND WILL DO IT INSTEAD. . . OH FUCK. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I'M A VIRGIN. I HAVEN'T EVEN READ A BOOK IN 20 YEARS, THAT'S SAD RIGHT? PLEASE DON'T KILL ME . YOU SEE I'M ANGRY BECAUSE MY FRIEND KICKED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE AND MADE ME BUY SOMETHING... GOD SAVE ME! I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BUY AND SHE WON'T LET ME INTO THE HOUSE IF I DON'T BUY ITTTTTTT...."
Then he started laughing harder. She stared at him and noticed his beautiful brown eyes and cute curl... What? Normal people shouldn't have curls. WTF? Wiki obviously noticed that.
"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING YOU WEIRD HAIR CURL PERSON THING?"
He calmed down and smiled at her (she blushed af.) And then he started talking, "Thanks for that, I needed a laugh. So what's your name? I'm Yong Soo. Nice to meet you."
"...I'm Wiki."
"So Wiki... how can I say sorry?"
"TAKE ME TO MCDONALDS CHILD!"
"OK-"
He was going to say something else but Wiki jumped onto his back and he didn't get the chance to say it. Then Yong Soo took Wiki to McDonalds, she ordered cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets while Yong Soo ordered a happy meal. Wiki yelled that "IT'S NOT FAIR!" when she noticed that. He laughed.
After an akward silence he decided to talk, he was talkative so the silence was bad for him. "Sooo... You said that somebody kicked you out of your house, da-ze~" Wiki swapped their food while he wasn't watching and then replied "Yes, my best friend kicked me out of the house because I was forcing her to tell me everything because I don't know Japanese and the only way for me to be let back inside is to buy something... BUT BECAUSE OF YOU I FORGOT WHAT!!!"
Yong Soo thought for a moment and then told her," You were saying パンと紅茶, it means bread and tea."
Wiki stopped. "Whutt?" Oh no, she was triggered..." THAT DUCKING DUMB FAT YELLOW THINGMADE ME BUY FUCKENNN BREAD AND TEEEAAA?!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE BRITISH OR SOME SHIT?!?!??!? I WILL BUT THAT PUSSYCHINA BREAD AND TEA AND SHOVE IT SO FAR UP HER ASS THAT SHE'LL SOTP CALLING ME MY WIFE LIKE THAT ONE GUY IN AN ANIME WE WATCHED. I WILL BUY THAT BREAD AND TEA AND MAKE IT BURNNNNNNNNN. Oh hey, a happy meal... I'm eating it."
Yong Soo looked at her like she was crazy, she stared at him like he was a spaghetti bowl. Then he said," You don't know Japanese do you? Da-ze~" She shook her head. " Yeah... I can see that. OHH I KNOW! I don't really know it that well either, WE CAN MAKE MY BIG BROTHER TEACH US!! He'll be happy that I'll finally watch something that isn't a Korean drama!" Yong Soo didn't notice that he wasn't eating the happy meal, which made Wiki happy for some reason. Then she replied with an okay. They gave eachother their phone numbers and finished eating.
She was about to go home when Yong Soo said, "Do you want me to help you buy bread and tea?"
"Yes"
In the end, Pat let Wiki in and she slept for 15 hours... The next day Wiki got woken up by her phone buzzing.
YOU RECIEVED A MESSAGE FROM
Yong Soo
OPENED CONVERSATION WITH Yong Soo
Yong Soo 11:15
hey where should wii meet made my older brother teach if u die from boredom it's not my fault
Yong Soo 11:20
can u com over 2 my bros house im visiting rn 4 this we can meet @ same macie
Wiki thought for a moment and then replied.
ME is fab 11:25
Okie~~~ can I come in an hour?
Yong Soo 11:26
yh y not ill tell the fam
EXIT CONVERSATION WITH Yong Soo
OPENED CONVERSATION WITH Queer
ME is fab 11:30
can I go to a friends house? Please pati chan~~
Queer 11:38
Okay, just be careful.
EXIT CONVERSATION WITH Queer
Wiki turned off her phone and begun getting ready.
It was 12:20 and she just walked into the McDonalds she was in the previous day. Soon Yong Soo came and they went to his house. They walked up to a house and before they could open it a japanese man kicked it down and ran towards the town center while yelling, "OH NOOOOO, MY YAOIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" Yong Soo looked at him for a moment and then said,
"That's my brother Kiku. Da-ze~" Then they walked in, acting as if nothing happened. They walked into the kitchen area when Wiki noticed a woman standing there angrily. Wiki smiled at the woman.
"AYA! YONG SOO WHERE DID YOU GO?!?!?"
"I went to get Wiki."
"WHO THE HELL IS WIKI?!?"
"The girl you're supposed to teach Japanese to 'cuz Kiku got way to embarrassed. Da-ze~"
"AYA! WHAT DO YOU MEA- oh right I forgot about that."
"Heh, you're so old Yao. Anyway, Wiki, this is my older brother Yao."
.
.
.
Wait... the woman was actually a man? Wiki stared at them and then yelled, " WHAT THE CHEESEEEE???? NOOO WHY IS THIS WOMAN A MAN!?! WHAT THE SHIT, WHY IS THIS THING A TRANS-FUCKING-SEXUAL YOUR GRILLING BROTHER? HE LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN!!! MY SIMPLE ONE CELLED BRAIN DOESN'T UNDERSTAND!"
"What is this Yong Soo?"
"I don't know Yao, it walked into me yesterday and thats it."
"How nice." Yao looked at her for a minute. "So how much japanese do you know?"
Wiki thought for a moment. " I know some! Pati-chan taught me! Anta wa gari to ore-sama ketsu wo taberu desu ne ka! Naruto, sushi, karaoke, pan, tsunami, yaoi to yuri desu ne."
Yao looked at her. "Yeah, I can see why you need help." And they started learning.
L E V E L U P
WIKI IS NOW LEVEL 2
SHE CAN UNDERSTAND A BIT
Underlined = Japanese that she understands but to make it easier for us we just wrote it in English.
"Wow Yao! Thank you for teaching me!" Wiki looked incredibly happy.
"No problem"
"I'll be back tomorrow!" She giggled as she skipped out of Kiku's house.
When Wiki got home she walked up to Pat and said, "Pati-kun is stupid!" Then she went to bed feeling incredibly proud of herself while Pat just sat there thinking 'Yeah... I taught you that yesterday. Well done for remembering.'
Wiki came back everyday, no matter what. A weird bond started forming between her, Yao and Yong Soo. She just couldn't describe it. Oddly enough, they haven't met Pat yet. Speaking of Pat, she kept telling Wiki to say "大好きだよ," to Yao and Yong Soo. But Wiki didn't know what it means so she didn't just in case Pat was trolling her. And Pat was probably trolling her since whenever Wiki asked Pat what it means Pat just laughed like a peedo pervert. Until one day.
Wiki has been hanging out and learning Japanese with the guys for quite a while now. She learned how, uh... touchy Yong Soo can be. A good example of this would be her sitting in the kitchen waiting for Yao to make food when Yong Soo walks up behind her and grabs her boobs then yells, "THESE WERE MADE IN SOUTH KOREA! DA-ZE~" Yao then hit Yong Soo so hard that he got knocked out and woke up the next week. They noticed that she screamed random things when things like this happened. Like one time she screamed "I AM A CAT GIRL." And another time she yelled, "I AM A NAZI WIFE CHILD THAT IS A DEAD MAN."
One time Yong Soo grabbed her boobs really hard and she yelled "大好きだよ！" when she was staring at Yao. Yong Soo didn't really know what that means so he ignored it but Yao on the other hand didn't look pleased. He went all red and he looked really sad. He then said, "Aru, hey Wiki, it's getting late. You should go... I'm also going out tomorrow so you shouldn't come here. There's no point in it." Wiki didn't understand his change in attitude but still did what Yao asked her to do and Yong Soo looked really confused.
While Wiki was leaving Yong Soo asked Yao what '大好きだよ' meant. Yao looked him straight in the eye and answered, "I love you."
.
.
.
"What an odd time to tell me you love me, uhhh... I love you to bro I guess. No homo. Da-ze~"
"ARU! IT'S NOT THE TIME TO JOKE AROUND YONG SOO! She said 'I love you.' " yelled Yao.
"Then why do you look sad? She clearly said to you. She was looking at you and something was on her mind," replied Yong Soo.
"Because she said it after you grabbed her...Aru chest area. So it must have been meant for you."
The brothers were really confused. Who was 大好きだよ to? They had to know so they decided to come up with a plan because asking her like a normal person would wasn't an option.
Meanwhile, Wiki got home so she yelled, "ただいま."
And then Pat yelled back, "おかえり." Wiki walked into the livingroom and sat next to Pat. Pat looked at her, she looked kind of worried. So Pat asked, "What's up? How's your day been?" Wiki took a deep breath in.
"Wellrememberwhenyoutoldmetosay-"
"Wiki, calm down a bit."
"Okay, remember when you told me to say 大好きだよ to Yao and Yong Soo? Well, when Yong Soo grabbed my boobs I might have accidentally said it. And now Yao looks really sad and I don't think that Yong Soo even understood what I said. So what did I even tell them?"
Pat looked at her for a while then laughed. "You told them-*laugh* 'I love you' *laugh* oh gawdd *laugh* you failed sooooo hard." And she carried on laughing.
"NOO PATI KUNN THIS ISN'T FUNNY! I SCREWED UP! YOU KNOW I LIKE THEM AND NOW IT FAILED! THEY'LL NEVER LOVE ME! THEY PROBABLY THINK I'M SOME KInd of a s-slut an-and." Wiki started crying which made Pat imediatly stop laughing, made her hug Wiki and start cheering her up.
"Come on Wiki, it can't be that bad. You'll just tell them that I told you to say it. You didn't know what it means... Come on now, stop crying." Pat said in a motherly tone. She hugged Wiki tighter and started swaying to the sides because that's what Pat's mum did when Pat was crying. "I'll talk to them tomorrow about it, okay? I think you should sleep and think over some things." Wiki listened to Pat and went to her room to sleep.
The next day Pat woke up early to get ready to go to Yong Soo's Japanese brother's house. She got there around midday. She kindly knocked on the door and waited for someone to open it. Luckily, Yao came to the door quickly and opened it. "Aru? Who are you?" asked Yao. Pat ignored him and pushed her way into the house.
She then looked at him and said, "Bring Yao and Yong Soo here please." The woman? Probably woman. Clearly didn't know who Yao and Yong Soo were or how they looked which was odd for Yao. Why would someone just enter his brother's house, looking for Yao like this without knowing who he? He wanted an answer so he went to get Yong Soo, then when he came back he said, "I'm Yao and this is Yong Soo."
"That's good to know, now... WHICH ONE OF YOU HURT MY BABY? IF YOU LIE IT WILL END UP BADLY... FOR BOTH OF YOU NOT JUST ONE LIKE I ORIGINALLY PLANNED." That sudden change extremly scared both of the boys. It scared the boys so much that Yong Soo grabbed Yao's chest like he used to when he was a kid because he thought Yao was a girl.
"ARRU!?What are you talking about? Who is your 'baby'?" Yao asked.
"Right, I have to introduce myslef. I'm Pat." The boys instantly knew what was happening.
"Ohhh, da-ze. Is it about the 大好きだよ thing? Uhh... sorry we didn't mean to make Wiki hurt?" said Yong Soo.
Pat looked at them and said," No. I guess it is kind of my fault. I told her to say '大好きだよ' without telling her what it means as a joke but she actually cares about you two. Now she's at home crying and eating icecream while watching k drama 'n' stuff 'cuz she thinks you think she's a slut 'cuz she said 'I love you' to both of you. She thinks neither of you will ever love her."
"Waittttt-- she likes both of us?" Yong Soo asked. Pat nodded and then Yong Soo continued, " Could one of us date her?"
Pat nodded once again and then said, "Yeah, but if you hurt her in any way... Y O U W I L L H A V E T O D E A L W I T H M E." And with that, Pat left the house to go and tell Wiki the great news and the boys started planning dates.
Pat told Wiki all about what happened, Wiki was incredibly happy. "Heyy, how 'bout you go somewhere with them? And talk it out? Like... uh... Oh! Like that Italian restaurant that belongs to uhh... Lovino and Feliciano Vargas. I've been there 'n' the food is pretty good." Wiki thought about it. Well it was a good idea to talk with them about it butttt she was scared to go alone. Just in case she screwed up she asked Pat to go with her. Pat agreed.
OPENED CONVERSATION WITH Chinese Mama
Me is fab 20:34
can we go to the Italian restaurant tomorrow?
You me and Yong Soo
Chinese Mama 20:38
Of course
The next evening they met up in the restaurant, it was okay... Okay, I lied. Wiki was acting like a 3 year old throwing a temper tantrum and using the silent treatment. Pat was acting as if nothing happened and reading funny Tumblr posts. China looked paranoid and Yong Soo just looked really tired for some reason. It was kind of awkward.
They entered the restaurant, which was empty because of the terrible weather in the area recently. They sat down together, chose what they wanted to eat and called a waiter over. And because of the bad weather only the owners and their two friends were in.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TO EAT BASTARDS?" Lovino, one of the owners, asked 'nicely'.
The brothers and Wiki were surprised that he yelled at his costomers while Pat just anwsered as if he didn't yell, swear and 'insult' them. "Well, I'd like spaghetti with extra tomatoes and for my friend a pizza with nothing on it, thank you! Guys, would you like anything?"
Suddenly, Feliciano, who is Lovino's brother and the other owner of the restaurant, ran to them while yelling, "NESSUN FRATELLO! THATS NOT HOW YOU TALK WITH CUSTOMERS! Look, this is how you do it. Ciao belle ragazze e ragazzi. Ve~ What can I help you with?"
Wiki looked him straight in his closed eyes. "PIZZA."
He looked betrayed. "Ve? B-but why? Isn't pasta so much better?"
Wiki shook her head and once again yelled, "PIZZA," like a crazy person.
Feleciano started crying and then a blond man walked up to him. "FELECIANO. VAT IS GOING ON? VHY ARE YOU CRYING?"
"Veee~~~ Luddy! I'm crying because the ragazza said she likes pizza more than patsa."
'Luddy' looked at the crying man and his brother and got very annoyed. " You two are so unvernünftig ve are going before you scare them. KIKU SERVE THE COSTOMERS." And with that the german man dragged them out of the room and a japanese man walked in.
During this Lovino was yelling, "NO YOU GOD DAMN POTATO EATING BASTARD!"
"Hello brothers, hello Wiki." Kiku greeted as he nodded his head, "And who is this?"
Pat smiled, "Hello, my name is Pat. Nice to meet you. よろしくお願いします."
"My name is Kiku, よろしくお願いします."
"Now- can we order?"
After ordering they started talking. And god, that ended up badly. "So," Yao started, "the weather's pretty nice today."
"It's been pouring all day," replied Pat.
"How are you?" Yong Soo asked.
"Okay, I guess. I doubt that Wiki wants to talk but she's okay too. How about you?" Pat replief.
"I'm fine, Aru." Yao said.
"Yeah, me too." said Yong Soo. There was an awkward silence after that.
The silence was too annoying for Pat so she started looking through her Tumblr feed *2*. "Hey Wiki, look at this." Wiki didn't look so Pat read it out loud instead," 'Got herself pregnant' is the dumbest phrase in the world like for real if it was possible to get pregnant by ourselves we'd have eaten all the men long ago. Ot actually is possible to get pregnant (without the sperm of a man whatsoever) using bone marrow from another woman! A child concived this way can only be female so actually, men are entirely useless. Fun fact. Let's begin the feast creepy smily face." Pat laughed while Yao and Yong Soo looked at her like 'wtf'.
"Not funny," said Wiki.
Pat scrolled down for a bit, "Okay, how about this. My dad and I were in a hotel and he tried the coffee and smiled and said, 'Ahh, it's like making love in a canoe.' And I said, 'it's that good?' And he stopped smiling and looked me in the eye and said, 'No, it's fucking close to water,' before pouring it down the drain really dramatically and walking away."
Wiki laughed a bit, "Okay, that was kindda funny."
Pat seen another post Wiki might like, "Get ready for this. Do you ever just get up from your computer to walk aimlessly around your house only to sit back down in front of the computer again? I pointlessly open the fridge too. Sometimes I just stand in the middle of the living room and look lost. Why am I in the bathroom? Whispers, 'We're all just sims."
Wiki laughed more since the joke was about a game she loved. "That was a good one. Soooo... Oh mah gawd! Yao? Yong Soo? What are you doing here? Wait... Where am I? Did you ever watch Deadman Wonderland or Tokyo Ghoul? I like these animes. Oh yeah an--- Pati kun... I know what you did you stupid! GO AWAY I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!" With that Pat left, she also felt pretty proud of her work.
After Pat left Wiki started talking like she usually did. "Oh mah gawd. Yao. Your ravioli looks so good. It smells nice. I like food. My favourite is a happy meal but cheeseburgers are okay too." Neither Yao nor Yong Soo understood what happened but they didn't mind it. They just made a mental note to thank Pat later.
Then they started talking like they usually did which meant that Wiki did most of the talking and they occasionally answered. "Soo have you ever heard of Marina and the dimonds? They are like so good. I know italian food is good but I really miss my happy meal. I've veen eating icecream all day yesterday and I think I might have had too much sugar.*3* Have you ever been to Hawaii? Well it was the most beautiful thing I've seen till I gazed into your eyes. I kind of wonder what the People in Tokyo Ghoul's favourite food would be if they weren't ghould. Have you hear Taylor Swift's new song loom what you made me do? It's so good. I can't stop singing it when I'm alone. But then again I talk to myself a lot when I'm alone so it might be because of that."
Did they hear correctly? Did Wiki just flirt with one of them or even both of them? No. It must have been their imagination. They continued listening and sometimes nodding or saying something.
Suddenly, Wiki grabbed Yao's hand and Yong Soo's hand then said, "The space beteen your hands is a big river, and the bunny on this side really needs to get to the other side. How do you two think the bunny got across?"
"Uhhh... It built a boat?" Yong Soo guessed.
"Nope," replied Wiki.
"It swam across?" Yao tried to answer.
"Nope," Wiki replied.
After a few more guesses they gave up and asked for the answer. She gave them puppy eyes and then told them the 'answer,' "There was no bunny, I just wanted to hold your hands." The boys blushed. She said it so cutely and it was just so cute in general, how could they not blush? It was impossible.
While still holding their hands, she continued talking, " OMG, have you ever watched the Gabbie show? She's so awesome! I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you two out? So have you ever listened to nightcore? It's cool and most of the songs sound better in nightcore. So what's your favourite anime?"
"New Game, aru, the characters are so cute." Yao told her.
"Seven Deadly Sins, it's epic da-ze. Did you know it was made in Korea?" Yong Soo replied. The guys didn't know what was happening, but they were still enjoying it. Yong Soo then decided to fight fire with fire. "Even if there wasn't gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you." Then he winked at Wiki. She was confused and then she blushed.
"Hey do you know what my shirt is made of? Girlfriend material." Wiki said while blushing.
Yao was annoyed that the 'pick up line' war was happening between those two so he quickly added something," If there was a rain drop for every time I thought about you, Noah would have to build another ark."
Wiki became so red it would put Antonio's and Lovino's tomatoes to shame. They continued for a while and here are some of the things they said.
"You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?"
"Let me tie your shoes, cause I don’t want you falling for anyone else."
"I seem to have lost my heart. Can I have yours?"
"I'm not staring at your boobs. I'm staring at your heart. I was feeling a little off today, but you definitely turned me on." (Yong Soo got hit by Yao for those.)
"Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams."
"Have you been to the doctor lately? Cause I think you're lacking some Vitamin Me."
So finally, Yao had enough. What he wanted to say was more important than a cheesy pick up line so when the others were thinking of the 'best' pick up line he said, "If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?"
Wiki went so red that words can't describe it. She thought for a minute and then said," Yes." Yong Soo was incredibly jealous.
Soon after that they left and went their seperate ways. On their way back home Yao said, "Ahhh, I'm so old aru. I'm surprised that I could even keep up with you. I guess that hanging out with Alfred wasn't useless in the end."
Yong Soo conpletly ignored him. Then before they entered their home Yong Soo announced, "I don't know why you're doing this but I will win this you old fart. You don't deserve Wiki." Then he walked into the house as if nothing happened.
"So this is a competition now? As if an inexperienced kid could win against me." Yao said as he entered the house.
A few days later Wiki got a text from Yao.
OPENED CONVERSATION WITH Chinese Mama
Chinese Mama 15:59
Do you want to go to the 花見 with me?
ME is fab 16:01
The what?
Chinese Mama 16:04
花見. Hanami. Flower viewing also known as the cherry blossom 'festival'
ME is fab 16:05
Like in anime and stuff?
HELL YEAH
Wiki was super exited so she told Pat about this. Pat started fangirling which to be honest wasn't surprising at all. Then she said, "WE TOTALLY HAVE TO BUY YOU A YUKATA. IT WILL BE JUST LIKE AN ANIME. OHHH WAIT. IT MIGHT BE TOO COLD FOR A YUKATA... A KIMONO WILL BE OKAY TOO." Then Pat dragged Wiki out of the house and to any shop that sold kimonos to find the perfect one.
The next day, around 6pm (18:00,) Yao came over to Wiki's house to take her to the date spot. He was surprised at what she was wearing, it was so cute he blushed a little, and Pat was kindda scaring him but whatever. He held Wiki's hand all the way to a park and as soon as they entered it, Wiki noticed that he had a picnic basket with him and that there was a few people in the park. Out of nowhere he asked, "Do you want to choose a spot? Close to the cherry blossom trees." Wiki's response was an eager nod. She ran the best she could in a yukata and chose a spot close to a bridge that was built over a small lake. It was a good spot since after whatever Yao planned for them they could go for a nice walk across the bridge and it was close to the sakura trees as the Japanese people called it so they had a pretty good view of that.
Once Yao catches up with Wiki, he got out a cute pink blanket with Hello Kitty patterns on it, two bentos and a few onigiris. Wiki sat down and opened her bento, it had little bits of makizushi, inarizushi, tamagoyaki and kamaboko. The Yao said," I didn't know which one you'd like so I just put all of them there." That was so thoughtful of him! Wiki thought it was so nice, she smiled at him cutely as a way of saying 'thank you.' And once she finished her bento and started eating the onigiri she noticed they were in her favourite flavours, raspberry and avocado.
After eating and relaxing for a bit, they cleaned up and started walking across the bridge. It was a very silent evening for Wiki, neither of them have talked much but it wasn't uncomfortable. There was just nothing to say, silence just seemed right. Just about in the middle of the bridge, Yao stopped. This confused Wiki. Since Wiki wasn't the sharpest pencil in the box, Yao had to tell her, "Look this way." When she did look, she couldn't believe her eyes. HOW COULD THE SKY LOOK THIS BEAUTIFUL???? It didn't make much sense to her but oh well. Suddenly, she felt something on her right cheek. She knew what it was... And who it was. She blushed so hard you couldn't tell the difference between her and a tomato.
Maybe he shouldn't have done that? It was a bad idea. If they find out he's here he will definitely get into trouble. But he has to do this. How else will he win? He has to cheat a bit. Although, this technically isn't cheating... They didn't set up any rules for this. But he had to win Wiki's heart. So checking up on them was okay. That's what Yong Soo told himself as he stalked checked up on Wiki and Yao. But it turned out he was too late, the date was already over. Wiki was walking away on one side of the bridge and Yao was walking off on the other side. He did what any man should. He went after the booty.
"HEY WIKI! WAZZUP DA-ZE~!"
She stopped and turned around," HOI YOOSUNG... FUCK I MEAN YONG SOO!"
Yong Soo catches up with her and said," You like Mystic Messenger? That's cool. I personally always go for Jumin, he's best daddy."
Wiki looked at him with a 'like what the fuck?!??' face. "Uhmmm... Okayyyy...."
"So, Wiki what's up?"
"The sky?"
"Yeah. It has a cool shape. Oh my god can you see that tree. It's so tol. Mhhh so beautiful.. But not as beautiful as you." Wiki blushed once again. Then they walked towards Pat's house in silence. Then randomly, right before Wiki entered the house, he randomly asked," Wanna go out on a date with me tomorrow?"
Wiki looked at him wide-eyed. She wasn't going out with Yao so why not? She replied with a, "Yeah," after which she entered the house leaving Yong Soo alone yet happy outside.
The next day, if you can call it that, Yong Soo came over. It was three... In ThE fUcKiNg MoRnInG. Wiki didn't even notice what was happening. She just remembers being dragged out of bed, being told something about rollercoasters and that it was a miracle that Pat agreed then she was thrown into a car and she fell asleep.
She woke up around 12:30. There's nothing as good as 15ish hours of sleep but Wiki set weird... She wasn't in her bed. She was on a person. She opened her eyes and looked down. "Oh. Hey Yong Soo." There was a moment of silence. "Waitttt... WTF? Where am I?"
"I told you earlier, da-ze, we're in a theme park!"
"... You mean like rollercoasters and stuff?"
"Yeah."
"OH HELL NAW." Wiki was going to run away but then she realised she was on Yong Soo's back. "NOOOO! LET ME GOOOOO!"
After a while of screaming and Yong Soo totally ignoring her, Wiki gave up. "You can choose what we go on first." Wiki looked around and noticed a tiny bus going around, she pointed to it. "But that's for kids..." Wiki ignored him, ran to the bus and jumped in. Yong Soo sped walked to her and sat down next to her. "Okay then."
The bus started. It was really slow and yet she still screamed, "NOOOO! STOP THIS! IT'S TOO FAST I'M GOING TO DIE SAVE ME. WAKE ME UP INSIDE. CAN'T WAKE UP. THIS IS SO QUICK. I WANT IT TO STOPPPPPPPPPPP!" Yong Soo sweat dropped. Finally, they were kicked out. "Welp, that was enough for today let's go home." She turned around and started to leave but Yong Soo grabbed her and walked to a rollercoaster.
"It's my turn to choose now."
"NOOOO! ANYWHERE BUT THER-"
"I'll give you a happy meal." Wiki paused. then she ran to the rollercoaster like France ran after America in 'Shut up and sleep with me, America!!' Great vid. Recommend it. Then Yong Soo followed skipping like Russia did in the vid. They got on and it started.
"Okay, this isn't bad...
OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK WE WILL DI---
Oh hey this is actually ok---
FUCK MY LIFE RIGHT IN THE ASSHOL---
this is pretty ni---
I WANT TO DIE WE WILL ALL DIE ANYWAY FUCK ME." Rollercoasters with Wiki... Just don't do it. When they got off she said," Hey, that's pretty good. I want to go again." And so they did but her screaming was worse.
When they got off the second time Yong Soo went to put something in the bin but he vomited instead. "Well that was fun," Yong Soo said as he came back.
They went on a few more rides like a really weird water slide and visited a few more attractions like a terrifying haunted house. After a while, Yong Soo asked, "Do you want to go anywhere else before we go?"
"Food."
"Are you sure about that? Da-ze."
"Yeah."
"Okay then." And with that they tried to find a food stand. They circled the park a few times but didn't find anything they are blind. After an hour of looking, wow they really are failures, they found a donut stand. Wiki was in heaven. "HELL YASS BISH!" she screamed as she ran to it. They were both extremely hungry by now so Yong Soo wasn't surprised. Actually, Yong Soo was running too. Not after her but towards the food. They both ate a few donuts, well, more like a lot but who cares. Then Yong Soo made Wiki close her eyes then he led her to the last attraction he wanted to go to.
She was walking for a while then Yong Soo made her sit on something and he sat to her left. She heard some kind of a machine and then she felt like she was flying. Then it stopped and she heard Yong Soo say," You can open your eyes now." So she did and she couldn't believe what she saw. It was beautiful. All those tiny lights in the darkness. The one bigger light only working the quarter of what it could. It was such a perfect spot she could see the Milky Way galaxy without any trouble. Suddenly, she felt something on her left cheek. It was the same thing as Yao's. She blushed but no one could see it in the darkness.
Wiki was really confused. She really liked Yao and Yong Soo. But she liked them both more than she should. She didn't know what to do. She really didn't. It's kind of funny how it all started with her not knowing something and being really obnoxious. She decided to stop dwelling on it and went to talk to Pat about it. After listening to Wiki panic Pat said," Well you can either choose one or... You can ask them both to date you, I heard polyamorous relationships are trendy right now."
"Pol-polare...polaromus? What does that mean?"
"Polyamorous. You date more than one person and everyone knows about it. It has to be consensual though."
"Consensual?"
"They both have to know about it and they have to agree."
"Do you think it will work out?"
"If they really like you and this isn't just a one time thing or whatever, then yes."
Wiki smiled. "...Thanks."
Two days later Wiki was woken up by Pat yelling at someone, you could tell she was really mad. "OKAY YOU TWO. STOP FUCKING FIGHTING OR I WILL SHOVE A SHOVEL UP YOUR ASSES AND CUT OFF YOUR HEADS WITH IT. I'LL EVEN PUT THEM IN MY FRONT GARDEN FOR DISPLAY." It was really annoying so she went downstairs to see what was happening and to tell Pat to shut the fuck up. But what she saw surprised her. Yong Soo and Yao were fighting and throwing insults at each other. "Guys, what the penis are you doing?" Wiki asked
"Your stupid boyfriends are fighting over you." said Pat.
"I-idiot they aren't my boyfriends!" Wiki hit her.
"Wiki, will you be my girlfriend?" Yao asked.
"NO! Don't go out with him. Be my girlfriend, I'm so much better.Da-ze." stated Yong Soo.
This embarrassed Wiki, both of the boys she had a crush on liked her back. "Uhhh..."
*4* "Yeah right ,aru, I'm older I have more experience you whippersnapper."
"Who cares about experience you crone."
"Guys." Wiki said trying to get their attention.
"Oi you little tyke, you don't even deserve her."
"What did you say biddy? I'm so much better than you will ever be."
"GUYS, I LIKE YOU BOTH... I-I CAN'T CHOOSE." Wiki yelled as she ran off. They were really annoying and she felt like crying.
"Welp... You two screwed up." said Pat as she slammed the door shut.
Pat tried talking to Wiki but she screamed at her,'' THE POWER OF FUCKEN CHRIST FUCKENN COMPELS YOU. GET OUT OF HERE YOU DEMON I DON'T WANT YOU HERE. I WANT TO CRY AND DIE INSIDE IN PEACE. FUCK YOU MUM." And after that, Pat didn't bother. The only people that could fix this were the ones that screwed up. Good luck with that since Pat never allows them to enter the house.
They tried to get Pat to let them in but... That didn't go as planned. So they had to come up with a plan. And it was pretty genius if you ask me.
At 1am, they snuck up to Wiki's house. They knew she was awake because her Facebook profile said she was online. They climbed onto the roof and found a hole. Wiki told them about this hole many times. One time she farted so hard, she made a hole in the roof. That's what they've been told anyway. Anyway, they jumped down the hole and they saw Wiki, but she didn't notice them.
They crawled on the floor towards the bed then Yao sat behind Wiki and Yong Soo sat in front of her. "Eh? Yong Soo? What are you doing here?" she asked.
Then someone hugged her from behind and said," It's not just him."
"Y-Yao?"
"You know what? We thought about what you told us earlier and we don't mind a polyamorous relationship." Wiki was surprised. She was even more surprised about what happened next. And she definately enjoyed what happened next. But Pat didn't. The next morning she yelled at the boys for making Wiki lose something important.
After that, they lead a nice life. Pat got used to them. Wiki finally learned Japanese. They did many fun things together and so on. You could even say that they had a happily ever after.
*1*
"Hello. What is your name?"
"Nice to meet you! My name is Pachi (Pati) and this is Wiki. Please treat me well/ nice too meet you! We come from Poland."
"Nice to meet you."
*2*
These are Tumblr posts I find funny.
*3*
A bunch of pick up lines I found online and thought they were cute.
*4*
Yao keeps calling Yong Soo a brat and Yong Soo keeps calling Yao an old woman in an insulting way.