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Arisu could feel the cold concrete against his cheek. The rain poured down on him, dampening his clothes and moistening the ground he was sprawled out on. He had been wearing his binder for three days straight, actually, it might’ve been four, he’d lost count at some point on day two. His body felt heavy and his eyelids were half-closed, his mind slipping in and out of consciousness as water droplets pelted against his face. There was no one around to see his pathetic state, not that he would care enough to get up even if someone did show up.
His friends were dead, and it was his fault.
They were the only two people in the world he could truly be himself around, and not have to worry about being deadnamed or misgendered. He felt closer to them than he did his own family, which was why he’d rather let himself die on the street on the off chance of reuniting with his friends in the afterlife than continue on with the sliver of hope of seeing his biological family again.
Arisu suddenly felt something push against his arm, though his zoned-out state caused him to remain frozen and ignore the pressure. His breath hitched in his throat, unable to speak to the figure looming above him. That was until the figure leaned their head down to his, and somehow he could hear words coming from his own mouth, but he couldn’t understand what he himself was saying. His mind was elsewhere, the image of Karube’s body still burned into his memory.
Arisu’s eyes snapped open, waking up from a sleep that he couldn’t remember slipping into. The floor didn’t seem as hard as before, though he could feel some kind of concrete under the thin layer he had been placed on. He looked up to see a person, quickly realizing that it was the girl he had been in a game with. Despite his past thoughts, a short talk with Usagi along with his stomach begging for nutrients gave him the motivation to continue living, though the timidness towards forming new relationships out of fear of another loss still lingered in the back of his mind.
It has been quite a while since that time, Arisu and Usagi now beginning to slowly settle into their new life at the Beach. Arisu had become quite close to Kuina, bonding over something that Usagi couldn’t quite figure out. But with Arisu and Usagi’s relationship growing closer, Arisu felt it was time to tell her about something that had such a large impact on his life. It wasn’t that she had to know, but he felt it was an important part of him that he wanted to share with her. He would also prefer to tell her himself than risk her finding out if she walked in on him getting changed or he had a wound in a bad spot.
It was early one night, the sun just beginning to set, and Arisu and Usagi were sitting next to each other in front of the pool, the typical crowd surrounding them. They were talking about something that Arisu wasn’t exactly focused on since another topic had overtaken the space in his mind.
After psyching himself up, he finally found the guts to bring it up. “Usagi, can I tell you something?”
Usagi met his eyes, a hesitant look on her face. She told Arisu to continue, patiently waiting through his stutters as he tried to find the right words. After a minute of jumbled speech, he settled for the most basic way to put it, “I’m….trans.”
Usagi’s eyes widened, clearly not expecting to hear those words. Her lips parted but it took her a few seconds past that to actually speak, “Wait, so you want to be referred to as she?”
Arisu looked at her for a moment, then started laughing. Usagi’s face twisted into confusion, giving a concerned look to Arisu whose face was turning red from laughter.
“No, I- I wasn’t born biologically a guy.” Usagi took a few minutes to process Arisu’s words, but eventually, she let out an understanding, and somewhat embarrassed, “Ohhh” and looked up at Arisu.
She continued to look at him, almost as if she was about to say “Are you sure?” but she didn’t speak. Arisu’s anxious smile softened to a genuine one, relieved that it had gone well.
“I guess I pass pretty well then, huh?” Arisu smiled at Usagi, whose cheeks had blushed a bit from embarrassment. She returned the smile, standing up and grabbing Arisu by the hand to pull him up from his chair. She turned to face him, her eyes filled with a newfound determination, “Let’s have some fun today, might as well while we’re here.” Arisu was happy that Usagi didn’t make a big deal out of it, and happily let himself be dragged along towards the poolside bar.