Work Text:
Confrontations were not something Kym Ladell was quite accustomed to initiating, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t do it if she deemed the moment imperative. Maybe it was the liquid courage coursing through her veins that made her do it. Maybe it was the pent up frustration at the fact that she knew her closest friend—her best friend—was hiding something from her. Again. Or maybe she just wanted to make sure that she was okay; Lauren had been looking fairly green recently and more pale-faced than normal. Food poisoning? The flu? Kym wanted to ask. But whether it be at the precinct or anywhere else, she could barely grab the chance to ask after her well-being before the red-haired detective would be out the door and off going to whatever crime scene called her name. And even then, Lauren had a habit of deflecting from questions she didn’t want to answer.
No matter the reason, Kym and her aforementioned best friend were now standing by the dimly lit hall of the bar exit, alone, the tension of the silence thickening between them. Whatever it was that Kym Ladell was expecting when she stopped her friend from leaving, it certainly was not the following words that came out of Lauren Sinclair-White’s mouth:
“Kym, I’m pregnant.”
Oh.
Okay. Let’s rewind…
***
In hindsight, maybe she should have listened to Will and taken his advice (not that she would ever admit to it). Kym Ladell winced as that thought entered her mind. It had been a great idea in her head, at first, to plan a get together with all their loved ones in honor of Lauren Sinclair and the day she came into the world. After all, it wasn’t everyday that her best friend turned twenty-nine (one year from being old, Kym had joked). And considering that Lauren Sinclair was the walking paragon of stress, hard work, and exhaustion, Kym Ladell was convinced with utmost certainty that her best friend deserved to have the best birthday the world could possibly give her. Or, well, what she could possibly give her.
“As her best friend—”
“What? No,” William interrupted. “I’m Lauren’s best friend. We’re the ones who grew up together.”
Kym gawked at him, staring at his face as though he had lost his head or had grown three new ones. “As her best friend,” she tried again, placing a finger to his lips, “I only want what’s best for her. She just needs a day to stop being such a Lauren and just relax.”
Will scoffed, slapping away his fiancé’s hand. “Yeah, let’s celebrate a day dedicated to her by asking her to stop being herself. Makes perfect sense.”
Kym smacked his shoulder. “You know what I mean! Ever since she got her detective rank back, she hasn’t stopped working for almost a single day. And that was, like, years ago! I wonder how she puts up with that."
“I don't know how I put up with you,” Will muttered.
Kym sighed, laying her forehead on her desk, ignoring him and his dumb insults. “And then there's the fact that she's rarely in the precinct anymore. It's like she practically doesn't even work in the office at all. She's always out on the field instead, doing who knows what. Ugh! I miss her, Will!”
“So just call her, Kym! We have telephones for a reason!”
“It’s not the same! Which is why I’ve decided that, for her birthday this year, we’re kidnapping her.”
“That’s illegal.”
Kym groaned behind her hands. “We’re not going to actually kidnap her.” Maybe. “I’m thinking that we should throw her a small party of sorts, like a surprise get together at S and E Bar, somewhere with lots of alcohol to make sure she unwinds.”
“A bar? Sounds more like it’s a party for you than for Lauren, Ladell. You know, if you really want her to unwind, you could, I don’t know”—William made a swirling motion with his wrist as though conjuring the words into existence—“make sure she actually got some rest and sleep?”
“See, this is why we don’t let you plan things. You have the lamest ideas.”
Will sent her a pointed glare.
“Doesn’t matter. I’ve already decided,” Kym continued. “There are two weeks left until the thirteenth, and we are planning Lauren a surprise birthday party.”
“Right, because you’re the authority here.” Will rolled his eyes.
“Sure am!” Kym grinned. “And we’re going to make sure Lauren has the best. Day. Ever.”
***
It was not the best day ever. Not that it started that way nor was it a bad day per se. It just could have been better.
Kym had insisted on taking Lauren out for a girls’ day (more of Will’s words than theirs), from brunch to window shopping to taking walks along the edge of the river, it was a nice enough day even with the autumn chill beginning to settle in.
But there would be moments when Lauren would stare out into the water, eyes gazing at no particular spot, face contorting into an uneasy expression as her mind wandered lost in thought. An odd tension within the air would grow around her, diminishing when Kym would call out her name, or something else would distract her from her odd reverie.
“Are you okay?” Kym would ask. She’d look at Lauren with concern etched on her face, and worry in her eyes.
“Yeah, just tired,” Lauren would reply softly, though her face—with her lips pressed in a solemn line and her eyes downcast—would betray her words. She’d then mindlessly begin twisting the wedding band on her left hand, the metal catching the light off the setting sun over the horizon, turning it over and over around her finger without any thought or purpose.
Kym Ladell didn’t need her friend’s uncanny ability to know that the words of affirmation she’d spoken weren’t the whole truth, that there was something clearly on her mind that was weighing down on her, but Kym didn’t push it. She wouldn’t even if she wanted to. Today was supposed to be a happy day, and she was going to ensure it stayed that way even if they weren’t quite there yet.
It wasn’t until they reached their final destination of the evening that Kym would realize things were probably not going to turn out for the better.
The expression on Lauren’s face when they’d traversed to the other side of town, stepping in front of the tavern with its sign spelling S&E BAR dangling above them off the wall, was definitely not the look Kym had been expecting. If anything, Lauren seemed to emit a feeling closer to that of uneasiness and apprehension, like she was suddenly regretting her decision to agree to Kym’s plans and whatever else she had in stock for them.
Kym turned to look at her. “Come on, Lauren! What’s with the look? You usually love this place!”
Lauren swallowed thickly, giving a light shake of her head. “Yeah, usually. I just don’t think alcohol is a good idea right now.”
“Psshh! Nonsense. Alcohol is always a good idea,” Kym argued, her hand clutching onto Lauren’s. “Now come on. First round’s on me!” Kym’s feet clicked against cobblestone towards the door, her free hand swinging the entrance open with a flourish, a mischievous and ecstatic smile curling on her lips.
The big surprise that followed, the very one made up of Lauren’s family and friends, was as typical as most surprise parties go. First came the darkness, then the flicker of light, followed by the eruption of cheers and loud cries of “Surprise!” and finally the warm hugs and embraces from their guests. A series of Happy birthdays and thank yous was exchanged all around Lauren as guests came forward to greet her; from Will, to Tristan Sinclair, to Lila, to Grace, to March, to even Randall, and, of course, to Kieran.
The rest of the group dispersed around the bar, each person getting their own drinks or mingling with the other guests while Kieran approached his wife. He placed a small kiss on her cheek and murmured a Happy birthday much like everyone else had, and Lauren smiled warmly up at him. Or, at least, to most it would have appeared as a warm smile. From the corner of her eye, Kym caught just the faintest waver in the curl of Lauren’s lips, the smile not quite reaching her eyes when she looked up at Kieran. Lauren’s hand subtly clung onto Kieran’s cuff when he had begun to move away, her head leaning towards his ear as a small whisper passed from her, the movement of her lips shaping words that appeared to look like, We still need to finish our talk from last night.
Kieran pulled back to meet Lauren’s face, his own expression falling into a sullen look. I know his lips seemed to say silently in response to her. “But for now,” he said with more volume this time, “you should enjoy yourself. Kym worked hard to plan this just for you, and Will’s been here all afternoon working on the party décor and catering.”
Lauren looked back behind her, finding Kym and Will still beside them, and she gave them a grateful smile. Kym shot her with a pair of finger guns and a wink in return.
Grabbing Lauren’s hand in his, Kieran led her away, probably into some other corner to say hello to guests in the tavern, or so Kym assumed.
She nudged her elbow gently into Will’s side next to her. “See? I told you this was gonna be a good idea.”
Will wrapped an arm around Kym’s shoulders, pulling her closer. “Yeah, I guess so,” he admitted. “But… well…” A small sigh escaped from his nostrils in place of his unfinished words.
“But what, Willame?” Kym asked, raising a provoking brow.
Will simply lifted his shoulders in a shrug as a response, saying, “It’s probably nothing, but Kieran just seemed a bit—I guess off?—today. He just seemed to be kind of out of it when he was helping me earlier, kind of lost in thought or not really being aware of his surroundings. Distant, I guess, would be the word. I don’t know... I might just be overthinking it.”
Kym looked up at him, her mind registering his words. “Lauren’s been kind of strange today also,” she responded, words coming out slow and thoughtful. She turned her head in the direction that Lauren and Kieran had walked towards, sighing. “But you’re right. It’s probably nothing...”
She gave him a faint, tightlipped smile, wondering why the words felt so wrong to say.
***
The next time Kym saw Lauren, she was sitting alone in one of the booths, a cup of clear liquid in her hand.
“Oo! Vodka or tequila? Or no, wait. Soju?” Kym asked, slipping into the seat across from her.
“Just water, Kym,” Lauren scoffed.
Kym gagged mockingly. “Lauren, it’s your birthday. You’re supposed to be having fun. Water is not going to bring you fun.”
“The human body’s need for hydration would say otherwise,” Lauren mumbled.
“Don’t be such a Willame, Lauren. Wait here. I’ll bring you something then,” Kym said, jumping out from her place in the booth.
“Kym, wait! I told you—” Whatever Lauren was about to say fell short from Kym’s ears. She’d already dashed in the direction of the bartender, returning to Lauren with a bottle of amber liquid and two crystal glasses in her hands not a minute later.
“Ta-da~” she sang, sitting back down and unscrewing the top of the bottle, the amber liquid being poured like a cascade of brown gold into the glasses. “Whiskey!”
“Kym,” Lauren groaned.
“Come on, you like whiskey! Remember the drinking contest we had with the guys for my birthday?” She laughed at the memory, barely able to continue her words without guffawing at some amusing antics of the past. “They barely got through four glasses before calling it quits. Weaklings.” She held one glass of the drink to her friend, already mirthfully sipping on the other one, the bitter taste of the alcohol meeting her tongue.
Lauren’s hand pressed down on Kym’s extended arm, lowering it gently down to the table. “Yeah, I usually like whiskey. Just… not tonight.”
Kym paused mid-drink and removed the cup from her lips, blinking down at Lauren. “Okay, so what do you want instead?”
Lauren shrugged. “Nothing. The water was fine for me.”
Kym gave Lauren an incredulous look. “Really?”
“Really. Just water for me.” As though trying to solidify her point, Lauren gulped down the last of her drink—the water—before placing the empty cup down on the table. “See? Actually, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go get another one.”
Kym leaned forward against her hand, one cheek squished on her palm. “Stay here, and just ask Kieran to do it,” came her muffled response.
Lauren paused mid-motion, having already begun to slip out of her seat, and hesitantly looked over her shoulder towards Kym. She averted her eyes to the side when she spoke. “He left a few minutes ago actually.”
Kym sat up in alarm, face twisting with concern. “What? It hasn’t even been an hour yet, and it’s his wife’s birthday! Is he okay?”
“Yeah,” Lauren said quietly, the corners of her lips trembling. “I know. He’s… fine. Don’t worry about it.”
Without another word, Lauren stepped away, leaving Kym in the booth with only the whiskey to keep her company. Kym watched her go, a feeling of loss and confusion settling in, a feeling of indignation beginning to boil within her. Fine, my ass, she thought.
She breathed in a calming sigh, forcing the feelings to subside, before grabbing at her glass and resuming her drink. Then after that came the other glass—the one she had poured for Lauren—to her lips, and once she was done with that, the whole bottle followed soon after.
***
Two hours into the evening, Kym Ladell was very drunk. The walls around her seemed to pulse in beat with her heart and head. There was a haziness in her vision she couldn’t push away, and though she could still speak, there was a mild slur to her vowels when she’d try to communicate. Will, naturally, was growing concerned. Not just for his fiancé’s lack of sobriety, but also because of the suddenly missing birthday girl. Somehow, Lauren Sinclair-White had managed to vanish without a trace much like her dear husband had.
“Has anyone seen Lauren?” Will called. “It’s time to slice the cake.”
Kym stood up from her seat at the booth with a groan as the world spun around her. She chugged down the remains of her current drink—a bourbon this time—before her hand shot up, her voice sounding loudly, “I’ll go find her!”
“No, sit back down, Kym. You’re drunk,” Will said flatly.
“No! I’ll go find her, I said!” she yelled with an unsettling amount of conviction. “I have some things I need to say to her anyways!”
Ignoring any sort of opposition that followed—if any even followed; Kym was too lost in the blurred feeling that came with intoxication, and the bubbling feeling of umbrage within her that said intoxication had allowed to flow through (or maybe that was just her stomach churning with it’s alcoholic contents, Kym couldn’t decide)—she made her way to the corridor that lead to the exit of the tavern. How she knew Lauren would be present in this exact spot at this exact moment, she didn’t know. Because there she was, the aforementioned birthday girl standing quietly by the door, her hand on the handle, coat already draping her shoulders, body turned away from the rest of the party. Maybe she just knew her best friend that well.
“Lauren!” Kym called, catching herself against the wall before she could trip over her own feet. “Where are you going? The party’s sort of in that direction.” She pointed at the other end of the hall with her thumb where the music and bustling chatter were resounding from.
Lauren turned around, a concerned scowl coming over her face at the sight of Kym in her inebriated stupor, but made no comment on her current state of drunkenness. “I can’t stay. I need to go home, Kym. I’m sorry,” Lauren apologized instead. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”
Kym scoffed. “Will I though?” she asked, an edge to her voice. “Because even though we still work at the same precinct, it’s like I never see you around anymore.”
Lauren pressed her lips into a tight line, seemingly trying to form some justifiable response in her head. “Kym,” she sighed softly. “I’ve been... busy...”
“Too busy even for friends and family who took the time out of their day just to be here with you?”
Lauren turned aside, giving no response.
Kym’s stomach whirled even more at the silence, wishing Lauren would have at least tried to say something in return. Somehow the lack of response had a way of forcing her stomach to churn like a milkmaid making butter. Kym gagged silently looking at the floor in an effort to steady herself. And now even the word butter was making her stomach churn even more.
“Look, Lauren,” Kym tried to say. “I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay and taking care of yourself. I guess the fact we no longer work in the same unit kind of sucks, and I hate not being able to see you all the time. I guess I’d hoped this whole day would have been a good excuse to have you around and finally talk, because...” she sighed. “Something tells me you’re not actually fine.”
She looked up, seeing Lauren’s body now turned completely towards her direction, her friend’s eyes wide with what seemed like remorse and guilt. Lauren licked her lips, eyes darting from side to side, evidently hesitant to say what she wanted to say.
“Kym,” Lauren spoke her name gently. “I’m pregnant.”
Kym could feel her jaw go slack and eyes widen like the moon at Lauren’s words. “Oh.”
Oh, indeed. It was the only response she could muster before her stomach finally gave way, and vomit spilled on the floor between them.
***
Kym and Lauren sat on the floor of the women’s restroom’s largest stall, a surprisingly clean facility despite its public use. Kym rolled her head back, breathing in deeply, the taste of acid and bile thick on her taste buds while Lauren crouched beside her, her arm extended behind Kym’s back, drawing soothing circles around it.
“Jesus, Kym. How much did you drink?” Lauren asked.
Kym tried to lift her shoulders in a shrug, inevitably failing when the motion was too much for her body to handle. “Not enough,” she mumbled, causing a snicker to come from Lauren. She wondered if it ended up coming out as a lie to her ears.
She looked over to where Lauren crouched, her knees tucked under her free arm. Kym’s eyes traveled to where her torso and now growing womb would be. “How long have you known, by the way?”
Lauren let out a soft breath. “About a month or so. All the times I’ve been leaving early it was to go to the doctor’s. She says I’m nearly two months in already.”
“You’ve known for a month and you never told me? Or Will?”
“I haven’t really told anyone. Not even my uncle or Dakan know yet. And Kieran hasn’t shared it with anyone either. We...” Kym could hear the strain in her voice as she tried to speak, the words a struggle on her lips. “We aren’t sure we want to keep it.”
Kym jolted forward, brows shooting up into her hairline. “Wha—?” She shook her head frantically. “In your two and a half years of marriage, you’ve never discussed children?”
“We’ve discussed the topic, of course. And we’ve considered it. We just didn’t think it would happen so soon. We haven’t even been married three years yet, and there’s my job as a detective to worry about, and”—Lauren fell gently to the floor, leaning back against the wall, mirroring Kym’s languid position—“and I don’t really know how I feel about being a mother right now if at all, truthfully. I’m not even sure I really want children.
“Kieran, he… I know he’s trying to be supportive, and he wants me to do whatever I’m most comfortable with. But the fact that he won’t tell me how he really feels is so infuriating. We’ve been having the same argument almost every night since we found out, and it’s like pulling teeth trying to get some sort of response out of him.”
“Hm. Can’t say I don’t know the feeling,” Kym mumbled.
Lauren looked over at Kym, reaching for her hand and squeezing it gently. “I’m sorry for not telling you, and for feeling like I’ve wasted your evening. I didn’t mean to keep secrets from you.”
Kym shook her head gently. “No, don’t apologize. You and Kieran are clearly going through a lot right now. I’m sorry if I made it worse.”
“You? Make things worse? Never,” Lauren mockingly gasped before a chuckle resounded from her lips. “Thank you for this though. For both the party and for listening. Makes me wish I’d told you sooner.”
“I’m glad you told me, at all,” Kym replied, giving Lauren’s hand a soft squeeze back. “And if it makes it any easier on either of you, you’d both be amazing parents.”
Lauren smiled gratefully at her. Kym hoped she could tell that she wasn’t lying.
A light knock on the door, and a male voice from the other side called to them both, drawing both their attention to the sounds. “Lauren? Kym? Are you both okay in there?” Will’s muffled voice sounded through the closed door. “I got Kym a change of clothes here.”
Lauren stood up from her seat and crossed the few strides to the door, opening it to allow Will in. Except it wasn’t William’s face that she met at the threshold. It wasn’t his blue eyes that met hers at the corners of the door. It wasn’t a set of blond hair that glistened in the dimly lit corridor of the hall outside the bathroom.
“Hi,” Lauren‘s husband greeted, his voice almost a whisper.
“Hi,” Lauren responded in kind.
“Oh, and Kieran came to check on you, too,” Will added from beside Kieran, before pushing the door open wider and moving past them to get to where Kym still sat on the floor, bits of vomit still sitting on the hems of her trousers.
“I didn’t think you were coming back,” Lauren said, her tone quiet and uncharacteristically gentle.
“Like I’d miss my wife’s birthday.” The smirk in Kieran’s voice was palpable and clear.
“You technically did,” Lauren retorted in jest. “But I’m glad you came back regardless.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry for leaving early. Not that these can make up for it, but I’m hoping you’ll know what they mean by now.”
Kym smiled, the sound of a rustling bouquet of flowers and her friends’ conversation becoming nothing more than dampened voices on the other side of the slowly closing restroom door. She shut the stall door, changing into the new set of clothes William had brought, and folded her soiled ones into the bag the new set had been kept in.
Purple hyacinths, they mean sorrow, regrets, and forgiveness, Lauren had told her once. It seemed there were some habits even Kieran couldn’t break, but better flowers than anything else.
“What are you smiling at?” Will asked when she’d exited the enclosed space.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she teased, her tongue stuck out at him. “Though something tells me Kieran and Lauren will have a lot to tell us real soon.”