Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

https://youtu.be/Z7ES_JDS9H8

life would be better if jungkook did not have to live in this boarding school. he smiles, watching the happy passersby behind these guarded railings. they seem so content with the day given to them. oh, if he could kill the envy forming in his stomach.

he wonders what it would feel like to ride in a car, not that he has not, but what would it feel like to be free and lively without any boundaries. but of the car, of course. he would go to every place in the city, and the country. he would go everywhere, but here.

he cannot even get the bitter taste out of his mouth, it is like it is here to stay together with him until he finds a way out by himself.

the whistle blew, his teacher gained the attention of the gathered students and him. they all held saxophones in all of their poised fingers, while only jungkook's were shaking. he breathed his dread away but everyone blew in the instrument before him, making him anxious about how he could never remember the notes right.

he hated it when the teacher called him out for being oddly out of tune in every stanza of the song, and in every line on that. everyone looked at him, most puzzled and some snickering.

jungkook ducked his head low in humiliation, he hated this more than anything.

he realized he should not have got into an all-boys school, but it is never the decision of any of the students here. everyone expects everyone to be sculpted and motioned like a stone, it is so stupid to make five hundred clones of the same nature.

another whistle from the teacher kept him from his thoughts, this time, it was not about him, but the teacher was scolding a late-comer. jungkook just looked at the fuss from the side, like he always does.

-

jungkook would not be this lonely if his parents kept him near like they do with his brother, he supposed. he might have someone to spend the new year with, someone who would wish him a good birthday, someone who treated him as a part of this madness of a world.

he would not be so deserted after all, not in this boarding school at least.

there was always something about him that kept him away from the world. nobody really believes or likes to hear the word 'different' here, it really holds no value in this world. jungkook thinks it is better if he never voices is out. he smiled at himself, on his own misery.

he heard the curfew alarm go off, he sighed. the lights were automatically dimmed, he did not even shower, he wanted to wait until everyone was gone, but he was so secluded in his thoughts.

his roommates kept tattering in whispers while he was portrayed to be sleeping on the upper bunk bed. jungkook closed his eyes, in hopes of this night passing faster than trains.

but he could not sleep on his side, all of his roommates huddled on the bed under him, looking through the adult magazine with a small lamp. a tear drizzled down his iris, onto his round nose, and landing on his arm resting under his head.

there was no particular reason to cry anymore, he just did. he wiped his tear under the blanket when he heard his roommates shuffle up to open the door. not just them, multiple came out to hear the turbulence outside.

it would be foolish not to go, so jungkook got out too.

-

he saw the headmaster whipping a boy's back, the boy was supporting himself of his arms only. everyone watched as the headmaster cursed him with every hit, and the boy hissing after.

jungkook closed his eyes shut, he folded his fist in both fear and futility, he stopped moving at the ugliness of the image circling in his head. that could have been him, and all people would do is watch from afar as he does.

"now you all know what happens when you sneak out after the curfew, you don't want to end up like him," the oldest said and struck the stick again. "buying a take-out at this hour? this is not a hotel. you think - hey, get inside your rooms now!" he rambled and then appointed at the others, hitting the boy more.

the boy being clashed just chuckled bitterly, looking straight into jungkook's orbs.

in terror, all of the students rushed in but halted when they saw jungkook standing in the way of the headmaster.

-

jungkook contemplated, he did not know whether he should remove his shirt or not. he was in the bathroom, with the boy. they stood in front of each other. but only the other boy stripped.

"we don't have all night." the other boy said, taking off his pants, jungkook looked away that very moment.

"i'm gonna change inside." jungkook rumbled, he tried going to the first cubicle but he felt a hold on his wrist, backing him.

"you're tough enough to stand up for me, but you can't undress in front of others?" the voice came from behind jungkook that paused him. the boy chuckled, still with slight venom that was not too negative.

jungkook turned around to see the naked boy - covered by his boxers - smiling a bit crazily. but jungkook being jungkook could have never looked straight at his eyes or body, so he glanced away. "b-but i don't know you."

"wha-" the boy began but chuckled at his own foolery. "oh, i'm taehyung. the boy who snuck out tonight and got his ass beaten."

"uh, yeah, i saw. you're new?" jungkook asked taehyung and got a nod in response. "hmm, take a shower, they'll come and check the restrooms in a while."

taehyung grinned like his whole back was not aching to death. he was a weird one, with an unnatural nature, forgive the irony. he walked into the first cubicle.

"wait! t-there's no hot water in there, only the last one has it." jungkook managed to inform the unaware taehyung, who now nodded observantly.

-

and here stood jungkook, utterly naked as well in front of taehyung who was taking a shower with him. they soon figured that it was for the best if they take a shower together, they did not want to be in trouble further. jungkook did not, at least.

jungkook tried to cover up his body by faintly draping his own arms over himself, but he knew it did little to no job. he felt overly revealed, something you should not bother in an all-boys, but he did.

"you shouldn't have." taehyung spoke, turning off the faucet above him.

"what?"

"you shouldn't have stood up for me, back there." taehyung expressed.

"then no one else will." jungkook said gingerly like his words did not mark til depth in taehyung.

"let me help, to, you know, wash you in return for all those whipping you took." taehyung said guiltily, he smiled even then. letting his breath relax. he turned jungkook around and looked at his bare back.

it was all wounded and dinged, taehyung's eyes softened at the sight, it was not as bad as his own, he knew but he can not just let the thought slide. jungkook took a few hits for him, and all he knows is his name, plus that's just now.

he traced a line over all the scratches, getting a few hisses from the boy he is holding, who was standing as firmly as possible, trying not to give away his nerves.

-

Chapter Text

not paying attention to the national anthem at the school assembly was not any of jungkook's intentions, but peeking around to find a glimpse of taehyung seemed more relevant this second.

taehyung stood not too far for them to grasp eye contact a couple of times. he lipsynced the anthem to blend in, raising a brow and smiling at the quiet boy.

jungkook did not know why he searched for taehyung, maybe he wanted to check on him. he noticed how taehyung was not able to stand straight, he wonders how he slept last night because he himself had trouble sleeping on his stomach.

jungkook tries to put himself in taehyung's shoes, he tried to speculate the reason why taehyung is here, he is odd in all of the ways, but that cannot be the cause. he must have a different persona, a different view in life. he should not be here. no one like taehyung should be here.

boys in here are too pressured by society controlling them. they are too focused to be the 'ideal' type as a man. everyone here is not always happy about the idea, he just does not understand why taehyung is.

taehyung seems too carefree to be here.

-

the day was over, finally. it was easy to track time through the constantly measured alarms of the school. the door of jungkook's dorm opens, letting the headmaster in, the same one who beat him last night.

behind the headmaster was taehyung, he was sneaking in the rooms slyly, jungkook was not so confident about it but he stood up straight as the headmaster approached them.

he found, and confiscated, the adult magazine that his roommates hid under his bed, which made the headmaster berated trash about jungkook even more.

jungkook sighed once he left, he could not believe how taehyung hid in the eyes of the headmaster by mingling with the rest of the boys. jungkook supposed that he was too old to remember new people.

"what are you doing here?" whispered jungkook once the lights of the whole dormitory were dimmed.

his roommates passed on inquiring looks as well, like they were about to meddle, but taehyung cleared that he was here for jungkook when he climbed up in the latter's bed. and jungkook followed.

they both were trying their hardest not to initiate any skinship on the single bed, that let them not have any sleep. taehyung examined jungkook's roommates, ensuring that they are already fast asleep.

"hey, jungkook, check this out." taehyung murmured as he pulled out a bag of chocolates, he handed it over to jungkook.

"w-where did you got this from?" jungkook questioned upon unwrapping one chocolate and letting it melt in his mouth.

"yesterday, when i snuck out," taehyung replied, taking one for himself. he turned to rest on his stomach because of the pain, his chin sank in jungkook's pillow, with jungkook repeating the same position next.

"what is it like?" jungkook asked after a long silence, he does not know how he gathered the courage to ask this question, but he did not regret speaking up. "to go outside, alone?"

"it's like all your family has died, in a good way." taehyung replied which made jungkook snort out a laugh.

"how's that any good?" jungkook joked.

"you'll know it once you do it." taehyung commented, and it felt like they both knew what is going in the other's head. "you wanna go... out?"

that frazzled jungkook. did he want to duck out at this considerable late hour with a guy he sort of saved yesterday doing the same troubling misconduct? he said no multiple times, but his inner urge submitted.

-

jumping off the wall seemed incredibly terrifying for jungkook, it was his first time breaking a school rule, he just hopes no one finds out. it is very aggravating for him but he strangely spots it equally captivating.

"who's scooter is this?" he asked once they were outside the eyes of any school wall.

"mine," taehyung simply said as he handed jungkook a helmet. he fixed his own helmet before noticing that jungkook was having trouble tying it, smiling a little at his scrunched nose.

taehyung reached his hands forward and secured the helmet around jungkook's head, while the latter could only stare and blink with the dearest eyes.

-

jungkook did not realize that he was kept under the covers from the beautiful monsters he could only imagine until tonight. now that he was sat on the back seat of taehyung's scooter, he felt the wind spread his arms wide into nothingness.

is this what flying feels like? he only asked himself as he grinned like a madman. taehyung drove faster and made jungkook content by the way the houses and buildings pass through him.

he could see a new horizon, not the same daily picture. he laughed, seeing nobody on the streets, nobody is going to see him this sparkling but taehyung.

he chuckled, telling himself that his parents lied so badly to him. the outside world is not dangerous, there is nothing to be scared of. there's nothing that would harm him here, he could finally breathe his way, not his headmaster's.

"did you say something?" taehyung raised his voice because of the speed, seeing jungkook smile from the mirror being illuminated by the yellow street lights.

"self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting." jungkook shouted on top of his lungs.

"what?" taehyung snorted.

"nothing, you won't get it," he said, still giggling. jungkook did not know where they were going, but he did not want to return, not now though.

dark streets of no one made him feel safer than the exploiting walls of his school.

-

Chapter Text

taehyung slurped his noodles from his ziplock bag that jungkook and he sneaked in their way here. he would just be a criminal at this point. they were invested in the movie playing in front of them. people sitting beside them gave them judging looks for eating so loudly in a cinema.

he laughed loudly when the main character stumbled, with his stuffed cheeks. jungkook nudged him, telling him to be quiet as he heard more complaints.

they rushed out when the movie ended, they hid behind where no one else could see them and waited for the cinema to be roughly empty. that is when taehyung let them out, jungkook had no idea why they waited, he just winged it.

taehyung began sprinting near the walls and took off the posters of his favorite movies. hurrying from one flank to another as he slid the pages aside, rolling them slithery, and chucking them in his opened shoulder bag.

"what the hell, taehyung? we'll get caught, stop right now!" jungkook fearfully said, as he hushed taehyung's roaming.

"it'll just take a minute," taehyung said promptly, still making his way around. jungkook clicked his tongue before going to the farther corner to guard them in case someone finds them.

"tae, let's go, someone's comin' here." jungkook came back to whisper to taehyung, who immediately, grabbed the last poster in one hand, and jungkook's wrist in the other.

and when they heard footsteps fastening, they moved of their feet before jungkook could even register it, they took a turn to the left, trying their best to keep silence of their shifting, which led them to a narrow hallway with slender high walls.

taehyung pushed jungkook's back against the wall, now holding his hand. they breathed heavier than their steps, exchanging once in every while, absenting serenity. jungkook raised his eyes to look into taehyung's, subconsciously of course.

taehyung was not reciprocating the stare just yet, as he has to cover them up. he let go of jungkook's hand only to dress it over the younger's ruby lips to mute his breathing once he heard an old crew worker pass by them without caring enough to examine the place.

the older removed his hand from jungkook's lips, he felt his hand being a little moist, he looked to see a touch of saliva painting his palm. jungkook did not bother to be an inch flustered by that, since his raven eyes also did not move an inch from taehyung's hazel ones.

"i almost died, man." taehyung exhaled, wiping his hand on jungkook's shirt, chuckling like no big deal. "wow, your eyes are so big," he said once he noticed them up close just now.

"so are your hands." jungkook said in awe, clearly knowing that he had his cheeks tinted at both the closure and the mere innocent remark, or compliment even.

"huh?" taehyung asked, confused, poking his finger on jungkook's eyelid, before laughing in fits of bubbles.

"i said: what's inside that room?" jungkook lied with bare stammers in between. he pointed at the room across them and that is when taehyung pulled out.

-

"woah," said jungkook as he toured around the room in which all the technical equipment was placed. he has never been to a cinema or theater, let alone a projection room.

there was a bunch of highly-priced cameras modeled to one side, a lot of wires crawling all the way around, there were pictures taken by frames of what looked like a movie scene laying around. he also saw a group of chairs of some sort situated quietly in front of the projector screen, with the lighted projector behind them.

"this is crazy." taehyung said cheekily, making his way to the projector screen, hands widely absorbing the glow from the projector, while jungkook poked his head using the shadow of his fingers beside the projector.

they played along, smiling like the gentle cotton. jungkook sat down on one of the chairs when he saw taehyung acting out with his deep, dramatic octaves.

"until now, i still remember what you looked like then. stop playing hide and seek with me. you are... you are torturing me."

taehyung goes to shift his position, speaking weakly like a girl, a hand curled on his chin. "what do you mean?"

"only a fool wouldn't understand what i mean." taehyung said, leaned forward to kiss the air, jungkook bundled his fingers together and displayed it next to taehyung's pouting lips.

jungkook laughed as he has never done before, eyeing taehyung wandering lazily and sitting in front of him, facing him. "you really watch a lot of weird movies. no wonder, you're so weird."

"don't you think things are more fun in the movies than in real life?" taehyung said with a poker face.

"there are just so many villains in life, and the hero's forever alone. you won't ever know the genre, ending, or the writer." jungkook gloomily mumbled to himself but taehyung heard it.

"what're you doing here?" they both daunted when they heard the voice behind them, and the door opening as well. the old man ran up to them belatedly with great aggravation, considering his age and condition. "get here!"

taehyung and jungkook ran behind the screen, seeing the man approach. they fleetly went to another corner of the room, giggling like maniacs. the old man rustled to his best, attempting to catch up on them but they are obviously faster, easier for them to run away.

-

Chapter Text

there was no reason for national anthems to be publicized or be half as important, jungkook thinks while standing equally tall and stiff as he could, having his right hand on his chest when he started twittering.

he did not focus on any word spoken by the principal, he figured it as irrelevant and negligible. he let his eyes wander around, noticing a few boys laughing and exchanging heeds with one another. or how a few did not wash their faces and have hair grown on their faces.

or how one of the most toned and muscled boys adjacent to him had his zipper opened, jungkook grinned uncontrollably at finding that out.

he heard cheers around him about something he failed to grasp, he tilted his head in hopes of winning the answer. he finally caught it once the boys behind him repeated what the principal said a minute ago in fervor.

they're going to have girls study with them in the next semester, jungkook concluded. he could not care less about having more people here, all he wants to know is when can he be free, away from this dungeon.

he feels the chocolate in his pocket weighing him down when he looked for taehyung's head in the crowd. he thought about the night yesterday when he saw taehyung smiling at the sky.

the chocolate tasted good, he munched it down with his fluffy cheeks, telling himself that no one really pays attention to him to tell on him or even spot him eating and dreaming about a certain boy here.

he felt the sugar last in the roof of his tongue when he heard taehyung scream in the mic that was left unsupervised for two seconds. jungkook's eyes widened at that, he saw taehyung running away before anyone else could tell who really brave up to it.

so he ran, jungkook ran as sleekly as he could at least, ducking snugly behind the corners of the building like cotton covers that he never felt. he saw the silly boy run away from the headmaster yet again.

jungkook smiled, thinking about how he even got to this place. he saw the headmaster trail away, confused to take the next step. he probably could not catch taehyung. jungkook walked from the side to the elder man.

"sir, he ran that way," jungkook said, already knowing that the man did not recognize him. he pointed a finger out to the left, where taehyung never headed.

the headmaster was foolish enough to be trapped in by that, jungkook smiled when the man disappeared from the view. he entered the classroom which taehyung was surely in.

taehyung was sitting on the table, a stick in his hand and round, thick-rimmed glasses, that he was definitely blinded and wobbly by, both did not belong to him but he acted as they did. jungkook snickered lightly looking at taehyung sitting like the teacher.

"jeon! you're late. sing the school hymn five times with a loud voice in the end! do the plank pose for three hours, blah blah!" taehyung said sternly, mimicking the music teacher perfectly. he lays down the glasses when jungkook stood in front of the teacher's desk.

"yes, sir!" jungkook said, a hand raised up to his temple as to salute taehyung with a somber face, but that managed to crack giggles out of taehyung, they both cackled, finding this bitter enclosure comical.

taehyung relaxed when he heard jungkook laugh, it was better that way, not alone. he smiles when he looked at the younger's hands, they had a little chocolate on his fingertips, and bits of grouts were deep in his nails, from jumping over the wall, he guesses.

"why'd you scream back there?" jungkook said, his laughing stilled but his grin rested loosely. he did not want to startle taehyung, that's why he spoke softly. he sat down on the chair before taehyung.

"they won't know unless you speak." taehyung said, both eyes and words hazed this time.

"what's the point? they won't listen even when you scream."

"you 'least gotta try. that's how different movies are from real life, you know there is someone who'll listen," taehyung smiles to himself. "don't you think, mon amour?"

he tried to stand up but failed and hissed sorely at the lethal pain diving low in his back. he felt shards pushed into his core that left him utterly shaking.

"hey, you okay, taehyung?" jungkook went to him apace, he held taehyung's shoulder blade rigorously to give him a bubble of aid, he tried to examine taehyung's back but couldn't as he was crouched down on the floor.

"it's fine, it just - it hurts a little." taehyung said, rubbing his back by himself. he bit his lip, the pain from all the hitting still stings like a bee. "we should hide, they are coming in."

it was good that they were in their music classroom as it was their first subject. they hid behind the base and tubas, trying their best to sound as quiet as a feather. jungkook could see the teacher walking ahead of the trained line of boys from the clear windows.

-

jungkook put one foot on the coping of the wall that was set as the top layer, he pushed on his arms to bring both of his feet hanging to the other side. jungkook felt a bit anxious jumping down from an eight-foot-tall grey wall.

he looked down to see taehyung extending his arms to let jungkook know that he will catch him. and taehyung did, grabbing all of the younger's weight and held him delicately and skillfully by the waist until he did not need to.

"thanks." jungkook said, wiping away his tinted cheeks. taehyung gifted him the same helmet as yesterday. he took a solid minute to have it fastened around his head by himself.

this time, jungkook was not consuming the scene around him, he let it pass down like dumping things in a waterfall.

he tried to focus on the baseball ground far away that did not have these many bats, balls, gloves, helmets, and pads laying on the surface yesterday. he tried to focus on the streetlight above them that did not flicker as much as today. he tried to focus on the closed noodle shop from which they bought food yesterday.

but no matter how long he tried, he subconsciously fixated his gaze over the dark navy cotton jacket taehyung wore yesterday and today as well. he wonders how many jackets does taehyung owns, he did not know if it was the only one. it was so dusty that jungkook does not know when it was washed.

he looks at the orange paint stain on it, there were dark black marks all over and had weirdly splattered splashes on very few areas, it was easy to see because of the speed of the scooter displaying it in front of him.

he smiles, imagining places taehyung has gone to.

"where are we going?" jungkook decides voice out. he had to yell for the older to hear at least coherently. he could not see it, but he caught taehyung chuckling, his timbre hinting a fruitful ulterior motive, if you could say.

"away." taehyung replied, despite the vagueness of his words.

-

here was jungkook, unbriefed of what was happening, facing a brick wall with a distance, deciding not to oppose anything. his eyes widened when taehyung hauled out a neon pink spray can, painting the compact canvas.

they were in a not so dim alleyway that they found randomly. jungkook apparently has never vandalized anything, that is not him. but he does not fight the urge to coat the wall personally for once. it's not that harmful, he resolves at last.

hence, he fished a green spray can from taehyung's shoulder bag and stood beside the latter. he can be lawless, too. he wrote 'i'll write because nobody listens.' he was a bit ameliorated after writing that.

jungkook smiled, looking over at taehyung jumbling from a can to another, he was doing graffiti art. maybe taehyung does this a lot, jungkook thinks. it was not the most professional, anyone could tell, it looked like a third-grader's attempt, but jungkook was impressed.

"what're you making?" jungkook asked, proceeding with a breathy laugh. he could not quite grasp the character on the wall, it was certainly hanzi - in chinese.

but taehyung was too incorporated that he failed to hear jungkook.

-

taehyung knew not why he could not count all of the stars, not in the sky, but in jungkook's sincere eyes. he tried to look away, but his hands raced him to finger over jungkook's cheek, right under his doe eyes. he smiled at the younger, gaining it back.

they were in some field, jungkook cannot tell the way back for how obstacle of a route they took to be here. still, they laid under the starry night. taehyung had bought his blanket, which was from the school, using it beneath them.

"you wore this yesterday, too. this, uh, jacket." jungkook said, after wrestling with himself on how to crack the iceberg.

taehyung looked at him, and then at his own navy jacket. "ah, yeah." he beamed. "why? do i look too good? i can be a dashing hero, right?"

"you're way above the clouds." jungkook snorted. "did you not do laundry in your last school? it needs loads of scrubbing."

"i only have this, it probably looks like crap but i never cared about the face of it, or anything." taehyung shrugged, not caring much about the lazy conversation.

jungkook hummed and gaped at the stars, smiling brighter than them when he spoke. "what did you write back there? was that in mandarin? i couldn't read it."

taehyung grabbed jungkook's hand, he gently held the boy's palm on his own larger one, scripting with his slender pointer finger the same character he wrote on the wall, 晚安, so that the boy could feel the words engraved on him.

"wanan," taehyung said, his gaze was anchored along with jungkook's nose and side. "it means goodnight."

"so you just wrote goodnight?" jungkook giggled with cherry cheeks at the simplicity.

"no," taehyung whined and closed his eyes for a moment. "it has a secret meaning, you know. its pinyin is w, a, n, a, and n. w stands for 'wo,' a for 'ai,' n for 'ni.' 'wo ai ni' means 'i love you.' and ai ni for a and n, it just means ai ni."

jungkook now had his head over his folded elbow, a sign of his allure, his hand still in taehyung's. he stopped giggling when he felt each word dropping down to the dull edge.

he could not blink, something in him whispered taehyung's grief was way worse than his own because, from his view, the older boy has always hidden his tears with the widest of smiles.

"why - i mean, why'd you write that?" jungkook stammered consistently, he had to swallow the lump in his throat to throw his wobbly words out.

he felt so scared to find out the reason, he never wanted to see or hear taehyung's criminal. he just did not want to accept it.

"i wrote because no one says it."

-

Chapter Text

jungkook gripped his saxophone, he was seated at the back of the class with taehyung. the poor boy tried his best to rhythm his fingers together with notes written predominantly on the blackboard far away.

taehyung seemed to make tiny paper balls out of his music notebook with five traditional staff lines that had treble cleves, that looked an '&' in taehyung's opinion. he kept collecting them in a group.

jungkook just watched taehyung's untouched instrument sleeping on the side. "tae, we have to practice the song," he whispered adorably, making his eyes go wide.

taehyung just nodded, minding his own business. for the next fifteen minutes, he had two handfuls of paper balls ready, he decided to halt the formation.

he nudged an engaged and occupied jungkook with his elbow until he got the recognition that he asked for. jungkook grimaced once he saw the pile of paper balls. he questioningly glared at taehyung who did not pay enough attention to him to clear his inquiry.

"oh, no, stop!" jungkook scolded taehyung once he started throwing paper balls at the teacher's desk from different directions secretly to make it extra suspicious.

several students started looking around to spot the culprit, and when their eyes went anywhere near taehyung or jungkook, the duo would duck their heads on their tables to register their fraudulent innocence.

jungkook grinned, thinking about the core fun that nonsense brought him. people lie so bad about craziness, it's so underrated. no stare mattered now, nothing rational matter to him but this day, this hour, this day. he is free, even when he is barred in.

enough living other's life, a little jungkook should live too. and he only finds taehyung as his fuel leading him to the purity that he deserved years ago.

he took a bunch of paper balls out of taehyung's fist, he stretched his arm to release a few as a first. but his wrist was stopped by the music teacher standing right beside his chair.

-

taehyung huffed, his back loosely leaned against the beige wall outside of the classroom, he side-eyed a crouching jungkook. they heard muffled sounds of the boys laughing, and the faint melody of the patriotic song they had to practice.

"i'm sorry," jungkook said modestly, he looked up at taehyung remorsefully before dipping his head in his knees. "i shouldn't have thrown it, i was obviously a rookie at being a rebel."

"why're you apologizing? i should be the one saying sorry. i shouldn't have started it, you just tried to follow me, and we got in trouble. i'm sorry." taehyung said, head hung low in an obscure embarrassment.

he did not care that he has to stay out here, but that he provoked jungkook and have him staying in this hot day outside the class.

jungkook hummed, seeing the other grades doing their marching training like construction happening, legs looking double than the people present there. if music was playing, they would look like they are so stiff at dancing, jungkook smiled just thinking about it gullibly.

"i have to show you something, jungkook." taehyung said earnestly, he dragged jungkook up on his feet until they both stood head by head on the same level. he did not drop jungkook's hand even after, rubbing at an invisible wound he believed he caused.

"yeah, but we can't-"

"let's sleep all day in our dorms, no one is going to be there at this time." taehyung suggested, indeed both knew they do whatever he says.

taehyung clutched four of jungkook's fingers between his index and thumb, hoping on each of the latter's fingers in a pattern.

"but, tae, we ha-have classes after, we can't just-" jungkook concealed his words, biting whatever he wanted to say to take a moment in consideration.

he changed this much, not to lose from bunking some classes. was blowing in a stupid saxophone really worth it for him to strangle his smile by himself? he can't just keep on living like this. time was running, he'll die one day too, he better makes use of the only life he has.

"how about my room?" jungkook asked before towing taehyung's elbow.

-

taehyung let jungkook climb up the bed first, when he scored up himself, he messily laid beside jungkook who hid inside the blanket in a ball. he laughed at the funny boy. he tickled jungkook all over, his hands finding their own way to locate the angel-like boy.

when the vacant room, subtracting their presence, was saturated with happy chortlings and whines, just then did taehyung realize the delicate prettiness, for the lack of a better term, that is draped all over jungkook's figure.

he might have never concentrated much, for they clash at night mostly.

"what did you want to show me?" asked the dreamy-looking jungkook once the tickling ended and the single bed was now divided into two.

their feet were facing the barred window at the back of the room while the door of the room was behind them. it favored all of the spotlights to rest in jungkook's eyes. taehyung pulled out a thick silver recorder that had giant buttons.

"this," taehyung said, he admired how jungkook's eyes went bigger. "this is a recorder."

"where'd you buy that?" jungkook questioned.

"i borrowed it from the headmaster." taehyung said casually.

"you? you borrowed this from the headmaster? and he let you?" jungkook asked, as ambiguous as this could get.

"i mean- uh, he doesn't know i burrowed it." taehyung said, and saw jungkook sighing and rolling his eyes. "he was yelling at me in the principal office. of course, i did not listen to him. and then i saw this layin' somewhere, so i grabbed it. then i went to the office again, they got mad at me for that, but i recorded a song from their radio." taehyung explained nonchalantly.

"you shouldn't steal. if he finds out, we'll be dead meat."

"who's gonna tell him?" taehyung scoffed. "here, i'll play you a song." taehyung said, his finger lingering on the play button.

"what's it called?"

"this world. by tsai lan chin." taehyung responded, hazed. "don't worry, he died."

"he died?"

taehyung pressed play, he covered both of them in the blanket, he let them sink in the song.

they were not allowed to listen to any songs in this school if they were not about the country and patriotism. jungkook felt his room transforming, he saw trees building around him, all bright and healthiest green. he felt like he and taehyung were sleeping on the bare grass, not caring.

he closed his eyes because his heart convinced him that they were out in the broadest daylight ever, that the sun will shine above his head and not let anything break him, that they don't have to run away every with shadow before each step of the night.

taehyung pulled jungkook closer to himself while humming the song. he nuzzled his nose behind jungkook's ears, with his hand laying on the boy's waist and stomach. he whispered along softly now, not trying to startle jungkook, but have him hear his heart through his voice.

because taehyung is not happy, he is not fine, not as fine as he seems. he hopes that jungkook hears the song and understands that without taehyung having to put it into words, he really needs jungkook to get the hint.

he wishes that jungkook can see the colors he has brought in taehyung's world.

-

Chapter Text

taehyung quavered his chopsticks. don't judge him, he knows how to hold them, but it is quite tricky eating with your left hand. his right was busy warming jungkook's paler left hand.

he noticed the younger not having enough meat on his plate, the canteen worker probably did not give a damn about her job, or did not care about students like jungkook. taehyung rolled his eyes, transferring his mutton loin chop to jungkook's platter.

"you don't have much for yourself." jungkook warned the elder blatantly. they sat at the last table of the stupid canteen, where nobody is alone enough to advertise them, or reach them even.

"it's better if you have it." taehyung then said shortly after. he rubbed the back of jungkook's hand for a cottony pledge. he raised a brow when he saw the younger not eating. "you want me to feed you?"

jungkook chuckled airily, hitting taehyung lightly somewhere he cannot even remember for he felt mystified by this giddy, tender romance that he could not get a hold of. he clutched taehyung's fingers tighter, not entirely knowing the reason why he felt them so alluring.

he did read it around, maybe. but he is started to get certain about why he never fancied the adult magazines his roommates like very dearly.

jungkook felt taehyung releasing his hand, only for it to gift him that same chocolate in his hand wordlessly.

nobody saw taehyung ruffle away jungkook's dark strands, that were styled the way the school authorized. taehyung messed his head, he messed with his head, he brought jungkook's front hair ahead for it to hang like imperfect bangs, as they were never trimmed for that.

taehyung tucked a piece of a fretful curl behind the darling boy's ear, smiling for no odd reasons. he let his hand rest on jungkook's neck, feeling the heat of jungkook's blush travel here and there.

taehyung's eyes drove to jungkook's lips, and he was utterly confused. he did not know where to look at, either the perky lips or the mole under them. he was determined that it would be the biggest corruption if he injustices one of them from the rightful attention.

"have you kissed anyone before?" taehyung managed say timidly. he had not known why he asked this so suddenly, he could not think his words out properly.

"no, everyone here is-" jungkook said before getting cut off.

"they're all boys?" taehyung asked, in a way that he could not comprehend himself. his statement could hold many answers, taehyung was not sure of what color he wanted to hear.

"no, they're all super... indecent?" jungkook said after figuring the correct term. jungkook focused his pupils directly on taehyung before asking, "how 'bout you?"

"i-" taehyung's breath halted at those eyes, precautions were essential, he understood. "i never stayed long enough, anywhere. i was just - never there in school, different places day and night, just walking around, everywhere, every day. everywhere that i was nowhere." he smiled sadly.

"but you're always here." jungkook mumbled innocently, his head lowered.

"for you."

he wanted to write years of essays over his eyes, but the school bell beat him to it.

-

jungkook waited for the few boys to leave the bathroom, they were the ones who usually shower the last, so he thinks that it would be quiet after their absence. he stood by the far corner, alone, and heard them joke around vulgarly.

he fumbled with his towel since he found no other way to escape this uncomfortable station mentally. he loathed the way the seniors horribly teased about intimacy as if it mattered no sentiments to any person. he hated it very much when he had to see them naked and wet like that.

he felt appeased when they all left without directing anything towards jungkook like he was never there with them. he opened his toiletries, having them laid like a collection on the old, muddied basin. he flinched the moment he saw the ointment in his bag.

he had quickly stored it in taehyung's bag with spray cans that night, he had not let the older know, thinking he might use it since he felt a pain that day. jungkook was shy then, you know.

he jolted when the door opened and locked fairly soundly. taehyung walked from behind him, looking at them in the yellow mirror for a moment before he scavenged one of his arms around jungkook's covered waist.

he waited a second until he rested his chin over jungkook's shoulder, balancing himself by a hand on the vanity, and closed his eyes.

"you didn't need to return this," jungkook spoke, he saw taehyung opening his eyes in the mirror. "you need it to heal."

"yeah, but you need it, too." taehyung said. he pulled jungkook closer, inhaling through his nape.

"your wounds a-are deeper than mine, you need it more than i do." jungkook stuttered within his words. he could see the peach tint forming on his cheeks by his reflection but it could not undermine the agony of wording out taehyung's wounds.

"shut up, you're more important to me, more important than me..." taehyung said idly but truthfully.

he slowly started to pull away against his will and felt jungkook turning around to face him without a hitch. taehyung decided to add a little distance between them before he started to strip himself down, with the restriction of boxers, of course.

"you really don't care about yourself." jungkook said as he was busy removing his shirt. he did not feel pressured this time, but natural almost.

"i don't have to."

taehyung was about to open the last cubicle but stopped when he observed that jungkook was going to a different one. "there's no hot water in there!" taehyung said sooner.

"what?"

"that one does not have hot water, remember?" taehyung said, and jungkook caught the notion of taehyung's words. "wait, i'll play us a song." he went aside to turn on the same recorded melody.

jungkook was already in the last cubicle when he heard the song playing. taehyung joined him right away, he locked the door and felt the walls caving them in slightly.

the short song played when taehyung pressed himself on jungkook's back. he studied the scratches fading away like the light. he grabbed jungkook's waist by both of his arms this time.

taehyung ran his nose around jungkook's injuries so gently that jungkook could feel taehyung's teardrop become a part of his skin. taehyung wanted to apologize so bad, he wanted the pretty boy to never feel the ache of having these ugly scars because of him. he did not want jungkook to live it this way. if he could, he would erase them.

long fingers of taehyung brushed every part of jungkook's waist, squeezing it every other moment, to tell him that this earth is really not a place for this creature, to tell him that he is greater than what he perceives himself as. taehyung wanted jungkook to know that he is more valuable than any gem, or stupid diamonds. the pretty boy is way more precious.

he never wanted to hear jungkook feel the contrary, but he could not get the words out, and again, he let the song speak for him.

jungkook turned on the shower minutes later, before turning in taehyung's grasp. he could not decide what to do with his hands, so they flopped on taehyung's biceps. he could still hear the song fairer than the water, probably because he only focused on the song.

"what would you do if i died?" jungkook asked, with water accompanying his question.

"a-are you dying?" taehyung said extremely hesitantly. he was not sure if he even wanted an answer to that.

"no, but i will someday. what would you do?" jungkook said. he did not know why he came up with this so suddenly, but maybe it was the song getting too onto his head that he could not stay away from the singer.

"i would search for you."

"you won't find me," jungkook said, snickering at, what seemed to him, a silly little joke.

"then don't go." taehyung said as he cornered jungkook to the wall. he was not planning on anything, he just wanted the boy to lean and relax.

they both were secured tightly around their grip and foreheads reciprocated meeting. their song kept replaying but they had no idea how to move on from the present. taehyung twisted the shower knob off to look at jungkook's eyes and wet hair.

he moved jungkook's strands to wherever they dwell joyfully. he moved away for a second, just to admire the picture before him. he was yet again knocked down by the chaos of where to target his eyes, not to be a penny of unfair.

"you're so... beautiful." taehyung couraged up lastly, covered in jungkook's spell.

-

Chapter Text

jungkook tried his very best to not make it seem like he was holding onto taehyung's index finger under the table. he knew nobody ever gawked at them, but it was better if he kept them hidden.

taehyung laid his head over his folded, other, arm on the table so that he gets a lower angle of jungkook scribbling on his music notebook, he was writing taehyung's name in his secret language. it was the last subject on friday, they were glad their first week together was starting to become a beginning of new memories.

he grinned when he saw taehyung so lost in him. jungkook was wearing the dark blue sweater of the school uniform, it is relatively colder weather today and he ironed it up just this morning. he tried to tighten his grip on the slender finger, just to notify the older that he was aware of his sugar, vivid, gaze. but the elder was not the one to be bothered.

taehyung led jungkook's hand in his over their table, making it visible to anyone who cared about them. he gave one of his fingers to each of jungkook's and slowly started joining them like a lock. he moved their intertwined hands closer to his own face, sniffling in jungkook's scent, and smiling back at the delicate boy.

jungkook tore their skinship the moment the class was dismissed by the school bell. he knew everyone would turn around to fix their bags behind their chairs and could easily make out their fond display. he sighed when no one had spotted them.

the last row of the class is assigned to clean the classroom before engaging in extracurricular activities or going back to their dorms. jungkook sat quietly when his seatmates completely neglected the instructions and went to play basketball down on the court. he huffed for a bit, if he and taehyung won't clean the classroom, the tall boys will beat them for sure if the teachers ever discovered.

"tae, we have to clean the class." jungkook ordered the older who had his head on the table irresponsibly. jungkook was about to get the brooms but taehyung held his wrist with no force.

"how about no?" taehyung murmured poutily and had his puppy eyes on.

"you want me to clean this huge classroom alone?" jungkook pouted, even more, using the elder's weapons against him. he would be a complete dork to unsee the sparkles lightning up in taehyung's eyes every time he makes contact with jungkook, anyone could tell if they paid attention.

"fine, but later." taehyung gave in at last. he knew he could not serve a cold heart and ignore those blinding eyes. he huffed, he was tired without having to do anything the whole day. he excuses it by saying that it drains a lot of energy to think about jungkook the whole day.

he pulled jungkook closer and made him sit as he did before. taehyung brought up jungkook's right hand just like before, he rubbed the smooth, pale skin with his lengthy thumb.

jungkook smiled at him differently, he felt distinctive. like nothing before has done to him. he spawled his head just like taehyung has, pupils aiming at older. the boy felt protected after a hassle long time.

he trusted each phrase rolling out of taehyung's mouth like a kingdom rule. jungkook believed the sincerity in his eyes, he believed when he called him beautiful, he believed the chocolate, he believed the song.

taehyung guided jungkook's hand over his own exhibited cheek, with his eyes shut from the charm in front of him. he moved the hand up and down, and all-around taehyung's flushed face; then at the dull tufts in his hair, down to his tan neck. he lastly led them up to his jaws and back to his lips.

he just wanted to feel jungkook's skin, he wanted to familiarize his body with only jungkook's touch. but he also wanted jungkook to remember his features even when they get lost.

"can you feel me?" taehyung asked a deceptive question, vibrating his voice on the boy's fingers.

he did not ask if jungkook could feel his flesh, but a further soul that is in him, wanting to be known and called firmly by jungkook. jungkook hummed as a response, not entirely knowing the answer himself.

that was when taehyung dared to lean in and eliminate the range they had, he slid his head gradually until he could feel his eyes crossed looking at jungkook. whilst the latter had no control over the situation, taehyung scanned his face just for any signs of discomfort.

he tenderly embraced jungkook's lips in his own by throwing the world aside.

jungkook gasped at the abrupt action, which he knew was approaching with the perfect intent. he did not let go, because they both did not have any reason to. taehyung's lips danced with his' so nimbly that he knew he was letting off his guard and was flowing away by the warmth.

the kiss taught jungkook what safety in a person feels like.

jungkook orbited his hand around taehyung's head, stopping at the back of it. he felt those same flowers bubbling around them as he has always dreamt just through the older's hair. and maybe he was on top of heaven with the lips on him.

twenty seconds passed by without the couple having a piece of an idea because they wished they kissed longer the instant they pulled away.

-

Chapter Text

jungkook loved the way taehyung's hands never left his torso or waist. he did not care for once in his life, he admitted that this happiness is written for him, he deserves to be pleased.

he hugs taehyung's back and snuggles his face deeper at the back of the latter's neck, both of them skipping the helmet today. he supposes that nothing else could make him happier, but taehyung proves him wrong all the time.

"are you sleepy?" taehyung shouted audibly through the wind. the cold breeze under yellow lights feels so reassuring, he just really wanted to hug jungkook back, it saddened him that he could not.

"no, i just - the lights are hurting my eyes." jungkook said. he was lying, he loves the lights above him, maybe that is one of the main reasons he goes out at night. he just did not want to tell taehyung that he wants to retire disappeared just there in his skin.

and if there is one thing taehyung has learned about the boy, that would be that he never wants to stay hidden, that he wants to dissolve in those lights, the pretty boy runs after them like moths, involuntarily. his lies were so white even if taehyung did not look at him.

"cheer up, i won't let them do anything to you," taehyung said indifferently to jungkook.

this would be the most fluttering thing jungkook has felt, after the kiss, of course. it brought him to the same paradise that he once wanted to run away from.

taehyung grabbed one of his hands while slowing the vehicle down a bit, only to press his lips on the back of jungkook's hand. to tell him that he may not say it with all of his care, but he means what he said more than his entire existence.

they should start telepathy in real life now.

jungkook wanted to cry so bad. he wanted to jump off the scooter because of the pooling fondness in his stomach just evaporating by everything taehyung does. nothing could feel the same way as taehyung's compliments, his laugh, his thoughts, and his lips.

jungkook never felt this cherished before.

"do you feel cold?" taehyung asked from the front seat. he could feel the risen temperature from jungkook's fingertips. he pulled jungkook closer by his wrist and made them nestle under taehyung's navy jacket. "here."

then he starts humming the lovely song, 'this world,' to this ugly little world, and his heavenly jungkook. this time, he wishes the song tells jungkook that he will find an exit way to all of his problems one day. he wanted jungkook to know about the sweet prize of when they will leave this school, the only mattering trophy.

they will be their own people then. this moment really is just the road to their ultimate destination. he wanted to tell jungkook that once they are out of the boarding school, they will have the open field of life to themselves.

and taehyung did think for a second that jungkook did take the message of the song when he sang loudly to the black sky, laughing at how changed his life is now, but he was probably meaning it differently, taehyung assumed.

-

taehyung stopped the scooter near a bus stop. he could feel jungkook's weight on his back, he smiled knowing the boy's hands were yet wrapped around his waist slackly as he slept soundlessly.

"jungkook, up now." taehyung calmly said. when he did not hear a response, he decided to shake those elegant hands until the boy sat wide awake.

"oh no, am i late? has the flag ceremony started?... ha, headmaster will kill me." jungkook blurted dumbly. he had his eyes open, but it sounded to taehyung that the darling boy's mind is still dozed off.

taehyung laughed blithely at jungkook for good two minutes. the deep vibrations from taehyung's ecstasy naturally freshened jungkook up, sent him butterflies and flowers and lakes and rainbows and stars of all kinds, making the pretty boy laugh at his own delusion.

"it's probably one right now, there's no flag ceremony." taehyung teased him slightly.

"okay, okay, i get it, geez. um, where are we?" jungkook asked while parting himself from taehyung and steadily standing up since his senses were a bit clouded. he smiled widely when taehyung supported him by his waist, without asking once.

"we're at this bus stop, see." taehyung said, pointing at the cemented, concrete bench by the road, that looked and probably was overly filthy for even a stray dog. but he shrugged away, like he was used to this.

taehyung parked his vehicle right behind the bench whilst jungkook stood far away from where he was. it got to taehyung that jungkook was not so convinced or assured about it once he mixed his keys in his pocket.

"is this place safe, tae?" jungkook asked, hushed and attentive of his surroundings being a road away from the thick, blind forest. taehyung smiled knowingly at his doubt or even dilemma.

"trust me, nobody's ever here, even at day. don't worry, just come here." taehyung said softly. he motioned jungkook to come closer and relax in the protected bubble that taehyung created.

taehyung removed his navy blue jacket and flattened it, ironically, neatly on the dirty bench, rubbing all the crispy leaves and dust away, just enough to make this crumble of place be like his imaginary throne for jungkook.

jungkook quietly sat beside him, feeling better now that taehyung is fairly confident about all of this. jungkook thinks about where they might be going tonight, but he thinks it is better if he goes aimlessly.

his heart warms up, knowing how sweetly taehyung gave his jacket away for him, and taehyung is just sitting on the grimy side of the bench, selflessly.

"aren't the wild animals here? we're sitting right in front of the jungle." jungkook spoke merrily, at which taehyung snickered with his gaze scattered everywhere black and yellow of the tall streetlight.

"who lied to you? animals are not in the wilderness, jungkook. they... they are wandering around, in the city, in-in our houses. between us, just like us." taehyung said and looked at jungkook's changing expressions, as if he could read every word taehyung says before he actually thinks of it.

"you found any?"

"hm?"

"any-any animals?"

"no, i just found monsters. everywhere."

-

Chapter Text

"tae," jungkook whined, more like singsonged taehyung's nickname as he co-owns it. he had his head draped on taehyung's shoulder slackly, and a hell of a tired. "what are we waiting for?"

"i don't know." taehyung replied, looking up in the sky, ignoring the itching streetlight in front of his way. "do you know by the end of 2030, the earth's population will exceed eight billion. from two to that many people."

"god probably did not expect such a huge population." said jungkook. "besides, the world does not need that many people."

"who knows, he might be bored up there." taehyung joked. "sometimes, i feel like i'm one of those needed people. it's like what my dad says, 'it's useless to raise you, i should've strangled you when you were born.'" taehyung whispered, still hoping for jungkook to read him without the need for letters.

"i'll strangle you!" jungkook screeched, wrapping his hands around taehyung's neck, shaking them not so vigorously once he heard the deep, deep chuckle out of taehyung, flaming and glistening each and every part of his body like a newborn. "let's not have babies in the future, there are too many people already."

"okay," taehyung said, calming the other down by raking his fingers through his dark brown hair. "what about you? you're going back home too?"

"i don't think they'll notice me being there. they're too busy... busy worshipping my normal brother." jungkook said, voice decreased unlike before.

and perhaps, taehyung should not have. the boy is so scarred, he knew. he should not have named it for even a second. so taehyung pulled the younger closer, by his waist, securing him in his lonely chest of blooming flowers and thorns.

he could not say things as easily as when he can do them. he does not speak, not only because no one will listen, but also because he cannot let them out. taehyung pulled out the music recorder, and pressed play in hopes again.

the same song brought both of taehyung's hands nearer, it pushed them to lesser and lesser proximity. and maybe it helped jungkook breathe properly, but that could also be because of taehyung's hands traveling everywhere on his back, shoulders, head, and waist. maybe jungkook could not register immediately.

when the song finished, jungkook rose out of taehyung's embrace abruptly, which alarmed taehyung in more than one way. although he sighed and was set released when he figured that jungkook really was just reaching out for the device in his hand, and who would he be to deny jungkook?

"you said you recorded the song from the office." jungkook said, to which taehyung audibly hummed. "so if i say something in it, it will record it?"

"yeah, the buttons here can record and replay."

"will the song be gone if we record something new?"

taehyung laughed at jungkook's intents and concern. "no, no, i have saved it already. i can play it whenever you want. it won't be lost, see?" taehyung played the song again, explaining to jungkook the concept of program of systematic tally and catalog.

"oh," jungkook nodded. "i want to record something."

"alright, here you go." taehyung smiled at jungkook's desire, how pure and sinless the boy in his arms is. he pressed the record button for jungkook, and waited for him to start talking.

"hello, this-this is jungkook, i'm seventeen years old. i'm sitting at this bus stop with taehyung, we-we're gonna buy ice cream."

"no, we're not."

"but you said that ice cream is better than chocolate, and you said we will get it on friday."

"uh, i, jungkook, we'll talk later. record the message first."

"but i don't know what to say."

"um... t-talk about uh, me." taehyung fiddled a bit, he was anxious to find the answer, but he wanted to hear lastly jungkook's feelings for taehyung.

sure, they have kissed, but jungkook never really illustrated his sentiments so obviously, even to just taehyung himself, but taehyung knows enough that jungkook is tightly caved, and humbly timid.

"you're... very, very kind. i can't even name half of the things you've given to me, let alone be grateful enough for them. you don't know this but i do know, i do understand you, a little, i think. but i hear you, entirely."

and possibly, taehyung did not pay attention to the last part, which jungkook certainly noticed. taehyung was looking out for the seafood truck that was coming their way, he quickly grabbed jungkook by the arm and pulled him and his jacket. "let's go, jungkook." he hid them behind the bush.

jungkook stopped the device to where he could remember the pause button was at, he completely depended on taehyung to where they would go. hence, he barely had a clue when taehyung pulled him out of the bush by his arm again. which caused the pretty boy to whimper unexpectedly.

"tae-"

"hurry, we can't miss this." taehyung turned around to tell jungkook, he led them faster and closer to the rear of the truck, making jungkook a little erratic by the pace.

the driver must be so weary and drowsy at this hour to ever reliably aim at his mirrors, or catch two teenagers racing up to his dilapidated truck. jungkook stirred internally when taehyung let his hand go, to jump on the rear bumper.

the terror of taehyung leaving him here, flying away, and cheating with his heart stimulated his legs to run faster, with sudden despair beating in his heart, ready to glide away from the silk strands, it felt like.

"taehyung!"

but taehyung was already reaching out for his arms, he was not scared, not as scared as jungkook. although his guts kept barking to never let his skin go. so he grabbed the boy's waist instead, knowing very well that the pretty boy's hands were preoccupied with the device.

jungkook subconsciously held the railing behind taehyung's back with one hand, now that his head collided with taehyung's chest again. jungkook sighed in relief that he was able to make it, but he looked down to see his feet barely standing on any surface, alternated between taehyung's.

it freaked him out, but taehyung tugged him closer by his waist to himself, as if to tell jungkook that he would never let him slip. and if distance was not such a thing, jungkook would willingly merge them into one, scooting closer to taehyung's neck.

taehyung had one of his hands that kept him attached to the truck, while he held jungkook facing him. it would be horrifying to be this close to death only if they were not taehyung and jungkook, mildly enjoying it while standing on the edge of their graves. but the breezing wind mattered more, presumably.

"taehyung! i'm going to fall!" jungkook said as his panic increased greater than the speed of the vehicle.

"i told you, i won't let anything hurt you, won't let you fall." taehyung said, strangely calm and composed. he tightened his hold on jungkook, delivering his promise. "you just need to hold onto me, alright?"

taehyung could see jungkook nodding despite the constant bumps on the road. he could tell that the younger was anxious, but who wouldn't be? he made extra sure to conceal the air away from jungkook, to push him deeper in his polo shirt. but he could not forget how he kissed the crown of jungkook's head.

"look at the sea!" he notified jungkook of the horizon sculpting slowly beyond the picture in their eyes.

it has been so long for jungkook to see water in a pooled, different shape rather than the pouring one in the bathroom. his eyes glistened brighter after each of the streetlights passed before them, a series of light and darkness repeating every second.

"in this world, there's a little bit of hope," jungkook initiated to scream on top of his lungs, or truck, the engraved lyrics, in his heart, of their comfort song. "there's a little bit of disappointment. i often think like that."

taehyung snickered, heavy and low. he was dazed to see jungkook so linked, fixed, so bound with the song that it may have relaxed him, took his mind off to the idea of him standing so close to literally nothing. jungkook was smiling, he took note. he was not regretting this, it seemed.

it made taehyung happy, more than anything. he was the reason, maybe, for jungkook. taehyung kissed his forehead again and again, before laughing without hiding, he screamed and groaned at this freedom with jungkook, seeing that they were closer to their destination.

"in this world, there's a little bit of hope," taehyung helped to continue along, singing together for forever and ever, longer than time itself. 

-

Chapter Text

there jungkook sat, breathing gradually after having to chase away from the truck. but he guesses he would never feel the same fire otherwise, it was fulfilling in some way. he was sitting on somebody's tombstone, someone who he would never know about. then again, he would also never know any of the deceased people buried in here.

"how does this place feel?" taehyung asked him, picking up on tiny grass growing around his shoes.

"you wanted to take me here?" jungkook said in return, not outraged or such, just unsure.

"yeah, i used to come here a lot." taehyung said, looking at the prettiest boy he has ever seen. "i feel... alive here. because everyone is dead. i learned that once you die, no one will remember you. no one found me, because 'cause no one came here."

"no one?"

"it's like dead people are not as scary as the alive ones, no? i don't know, they just never question me for-for anything, really." taehyung said hazily. "i'm sorry, it's weird to bring you here, i just thought-"

"no. no, it's good, i mean, it's really peaceful here. just a little chilly, but you know, it's pretty good here, i, with you, i mean." jungkook stammered his words out. blame the cold weather for his tinted cheeks, it is not entirely his fault that taehyung took him to his special place, it just pained him at the thought.

he turned away once taehyung approached him, and sat down on the ground beside whoever's tomb jungkook is sitting on. taehyung took the jungkook's closest hand in his own, he could warm it up easily. and he did cover them in his hands, after feeling how unearthly they felt.

"you're very pretty, like really, really pretty." taehyung mumbled. he pulled jungkook's hand closer, up to his lips, and gently kissed each of his fingers, each of his knuckled, each of his fingertips, all throughout his palm and back.

taehyung forgot himself like he always does when he took off his navy blue jacket, just to gift it to the star candy boy with him. he filled jungkook in it, tied it all the way up to his neck, and still remembered to kiss him on the forehead, noticing how jungkook's same captivating eyes followed everywhere.

but taehyung decided to walk ahead, to divert jungkook's attention, to show him the sky that he waited to reveal. it was black and white, black base and white dots, but something in them made jungkook understand that he held destiny.

he could never see them through his dorm room window, because of the large trees.

"woah, it is a - it's a clear sky." jungkook affirmed quietly but taehyung heard him like he always has.

"i brought you here to show you this all, my dear mademoiselle." taehyung giggled, acting all sophisticated with his heavy french accent, making jungkook laugh in fits.

"what did you say?"

"my lady in la france. bonjour," he said, maintaining his knitted eyebrows and thin-lined lips together with his deep voice.

"you're great with languages." jungkook laughed even more.

he went up to taehyung, taking in his hand as a lead, but he refrained to look into his eyes, just distracted himself with the sky. but taehyung pulled him in his arms way faster than he expected, all strength on his waist and taehyung's face digging in his neck.

"do you believe in god?" jungkook asked after a while.

"i don't know. do you?"

"hmm, i guess there's something that's running the world for us. but whatever it is, whether it is... god, or-or the universe, i'm very grateful of it."

"do you think these people believed in god?"

"maybe, but they still die in the end, regardless." jungkook said and giggled along with taehyung. he felt somewhat immoral and hostile to laugh in the middle of a cemetery, where only tears have been cast.

taehyung split himself from jungkook to spin his view to the other way of stars. he sat down before a teeny gravestone, he caressed it and rubbed the name with his thumb. taehyung just sat there, dropping on his knees at some point, shone his eyes on each of the letters.

and it honestly jittered and fidgeted jungkook's heart. this person, whoever they were, might be related to taehyung or may be known by him.

he wondered if that is the reason why taehyung comes here, he wondered how agonized, how afflicted, or how burned taehyung became after their death.

"tae, who's that?" jungkook tensely concluded to ask taehyung, who looked back at him with the most lying smile ever.

"i don't know." taehyung replied after a moment of stillness. "he's min. when i first came here, i saw his coffin going in. i never cared to look at him, i thought nobody will come for him too. but they did, his parents did, every day. he-he was only two years old. i heard his parents say that he loved chocolates, he loved basketball, he loved dancing, he loved picnics, and-and batman."

jungkook tried to picture a kid with taehyung, which felt extremely clenching. maybe they would share the same smile, or maybe the eyes.

he was glad taehyung did not have a connection with the deceased, but jungkook is neither that selfish nor that insensitive to not feel the sting of a toddler's death.

"i never met him but i feel like i know him, i-i don't know. min did not even know what death was, he did not know what god was, he was so innocent, but he died. he died before you and me, jungkook." taehyung said nonchalantly.

jungkook could tell there was a storm inside taehyung, ready to pour out on his hands, but he mastered masking his emotions like no big deal. if jungkook can do the littlest by comforting, he will.

he snuggled taehyung in his embrace, like all the times taehyung does that to him. but this was nothing about returning the favor, jungkook will nest taehyung for a million times nevertheless.

"i wish i could take his place. he was one of the needed ones, he should've stayed, not me." taehyung said, head resting on jungkook's shoulder.

"no, you make, you make my life so much better. i mean, it was nothing before, but you're-you're very important, tae."

"pofiter du moment." taehyung said, now looking at jungkook eye to eye. he grinned, knowing the reason for jungkook's confusion. "live in the moment. pofiter du moment." he repeated.

"pofiter du moment." jungkook said, higher than taehyung.

"pofiter du moment." it was taehyung's turn to scream louder than the pretty boy, pointing up to the stars.

"pofiter du moment."

their voices got louder and louder, not caring about the dead land they filled in. saying it sounded extremely paradoxical, but it was not. all of these people once alive, did not want to die, they never wanted to be called dead.

if ever they had a message for people, they may want to tell that do live in the moment, you might not get the next one.

taehyung pulled jungkook closer like the hundredth time this night. he could feel himself weaken for the most gorgeous eyes ever. the attraction of those parted lips caused him to easily melt through the distance, and kiss jungkook ever so tenderly, it made him feel like the graveyard has come alive with beautiful golden lights sprayed around them once again.

"let's go back," taehyung offered to take jungkook's hand and help him up.

"how? we don't have your scooter."

"we have legs."

-

Chapter Text

jungkook waited since noon for the telephone to ring. he did not let his mom receive the calls because what if it was taehyung in one, how would he ever know? and for the record, he only knows a little about the newly bought telephone.

the first few calls, it was some of the aunts who could not talk to jungkook because of his boarding school. he really did regret saying 'hello' before them, they never waste time striking super long conversations about his school, his course, his achievements, or his goal.

and they keep talking about their own children and compare them to jungkook like always. it was the fifth time.

then his father called, nagged him about not studying, or not helping his mother, or not doing anything productive and being stuck to the telephone like a loafer.

he would have just forgotten about it after that, but the next ring was by taehyung. there was not much that taehyung talked to him about, jungkook could positively say that his parents must be around.

taehyung simply asked jungkook how he was, and if he had eaten properly. jungkook lied both times, it was better if he does not worry taehyung at the moment. it made him giddy at the fact that taehyung was concerned for him, it was not new to him but it is different to perceive that taehyung thinks about him even when he is not around.

-

jungkook did not want to think about how proud his father sounds when he talks about his younger brother, or how bright his mother feels when his brother's girlfriend is there to have dinner with them. all the light is beamed on his brother. but that does not bother him as half as when his father eagerly mocks him on the dinner table, in front of everyone.

it was after quite long that he cried a tear in the dark. the god that they talked about does not love jungkook enough, he was getting sure.

he thanked himself that he misled his family, saying that the break is only for a day and not for a week, just to get rid of them, and perhaps by their response it felt to jungkook that they felt the same.

the sky was cloudy, unlike last night. but he told his heart that he was not any better here. he always hated the idea of boarding schools, like they had no sense of individuality, or unity present. that they kept you in, and raise you with no appreciation.

he always wanted to run away from the school, he wanted to be out of it forever. but he realized that there is nowhere else to go. the world is much, much harsher than he believed due to the cars and buildings.

he understood that god had space for him somewhere better than his own home. the boarding school is not the confinement he had thought. it has the protection from monsters he is away from.

-

taehyung was all alone in his house, he was laying on his bed quietly, asking himself where his stars went. who stole the universal stars? who could ever reach there?

he was tired of getting hurt and staying silent. he told jungkook he wanted to speak even if they don't listen, he wanted to do it for himself. he was taehyung, he had a greater purpose, jungkook made him believe that.

he wondered if min became a star after, totally away from this world. in a better place, in better days. or what if he is still here? taehyung wonders if min ever looked at him, or if taehyung is the closest to him, now that he lies lonely for days.

he wonders if min was alive, he might get to meet taehyung and jungkook. or if they both died, they would take care of min up there, if ever that is. he wondered what it would be like to stay with jungkook long enough to raise a child together. has jungkook imagined that far?

whatever it was, it made him want to hear jungkook's voice. he went to find his shoulder bag, and grab the recorder inside of it. jungkook's message was saved, he saw.

"hello, this-this is jungkook, i'm seventeen years old. i'm sitting at this bus stop with taehyung, we-we're gonna buy ice cream."

oh, it broke his heart. jungkook's voice pierced holes in his bravery, that was not his best feature, but he kept it visible.

"no, we're not."

"but you said that ice cream is better than chocolate, and you said we will get it on friday."

"uh, i, jungkook, we'll talk later. record the message first."

"but i don't know what to say."

how could he ever tell jungkook that jungkook balled his whole world without a question? how could he tell the pretty boy that he never had someone for this long? how could he tell him that taehyung is not strong without him, not happy, not as careless without jungkook?

he did not have the voice to tell himself to drink up his tears as always. but he was back to being alone, with multiple scars and bruises, a ton more than before. jungkook was not there to give him the strength of intrepidity, he could cry all he wanted.

he wished he could tell jungkook that he makes this bleeding inferno a little bearable.

taehyung paused his scooter far from the school grounds, he wanted to check jungkook's dorm window on the high levels, just because he missed him. it was super dark but he fairly saw his body on the upper bunk bed of his lightened room. he knew it was jungkook, so he waved, in dear hopes of meeting the prettiest boy.

he might have gone crazy or someone, jungkook, actually waved back at him. and he was a goner at the response like his heart could not take the fact that they spent twenty-four hours without each other. he certainly was not making that same mistake again.

his eyes went blind when the cuddly boy ran out of the school with his backpack accompanying him. taehyung would be a fool to not catch jungkook in a big hug right there, right then. he never missed anyone or anything greater than jungkook and his being.

-

Chapter Text

taehyung parked his vehicle near the train station. he never let go of jungkook's hand under their fluffy jackets, even for a second, he sounded scared, just like how jungkook was taehyung went on the truck first. he looked at jungkook after he was done. he let the younger sit on the bench with their bags.

he had gone to buy tickets to wherever the train leads them to, they both did not mind where. there was a better purpose, the place never brings peace, that is in you. he took note of the quietness at the train station, people usually prefer to depart in the morning, he guesses.

when he returned, he decided to let jungkook have the velvety vanilla ice cream with a cheap cone at the bottom, that was all that he could find at this hour. he thought it was substantial if he only bought one.

"wow, ice cream?" jungkook asked once taehyung sat beside him.

"yes. i know you did not have dinner, so..." taehyung said as he handed it to the younger.

jungkook loved the sweetness, taehyung was relieved by that. jungkook sensed that taehyung wanted to save as much as possible even if he had taken the money off of his parents' wallets. he understands that fact, and cannot stop thanking the universe for bringing him with taehyung. hence, he extended it to taehyung, but the latter immediately declined the offer.

while they waited, taehyung moved his hand around jungkook's hair, sinking them into place. "how does this feel?"

"it's like all my family has died, in a good way."

-

by the time they woke up during the journey, the empty train had a few businessmen scattered all around, and a few couples. the train had allowed the natural sunlight in, which cause the sleeping jungkook to rise up, but taehyung shushed him back to sleep on his shoulder.

they looked over the skyline and border, examining and awing at the tall, occupied, and packed city. everything was nothing like where they came from, there were growing buildings in every point of the diameter and millions of suited men in them, it had jungkook gaping. but to taehyung, the pretty boy's pretty eyes were the show. he did not know they could grow bigger and purer.

they skipped out of the train eagerly and stepped on the unaccustomed ground, before anyone else. like a clumsy duo of children, they bumped their way into every rich and respectable man here. they still wonder how they have not yet been beaten up already.

but taehyung guess that that is the distinction that separates their lives from their past 'homes'.

it was hard to navigate where they were or where they were going, although they took little help from people around, they wandered around the city for whatever jungkook always wanted to do.

-

spending the whole day together was very special to jungkook, it was more than what he could ask for. he just cannot stop thinking about it. taehyung said he found a hotel for the night, timidly, jungkook certainly was not expecting any mansion from him, so he was fine with sleeping on the damp, stained bedsheet.

taehyung's shoulder bag was on the bed, next to jungkook currently. jungkook could see how taehyung has kept the movie posters so neatly through the opened zipper, without a single crumple getting in light. he can never forget that day. taehyung had a few cans of spray paint, jungkook had no idea why he had those to another city, or maybe he did not care to remove them.

he had one packet full of chocolates, jungkook chuckles, finally learning how taehyung has so much chocolate supply without jungkook knowing. jungkook did not want to assume but he had an idea that taehyung did not pay for these. taehyung had a few shirts and shorts in there as well.

jungkook could see the little cut-out pictures of himself in the bag, they were each a year older than the previous one, all brown and uncolored. taehyung had jungkook's pictures in his bag, it ached his heart in puddles of tears. he knew these were only found in the office, in a hidden drawer, it was not easy or safe to get there. taehyung does so much to and for jungkook, he cannot even believe someone could ever treasure him like that.

he wipes his eye first and thought about all of the adventures they drove today. they went to an amusement park, a first for jungkook because their city does not have one. it was highly enjoyable, they screamed ardently on the pirate ship, catching many stares, they stole cotton candy from a kid, they left him crying, went to the spinning carousel ride, and on the bumper cars. he smiles, remembering how taehyung would push everyone away but him.

so many butterflies.

the older entered the room after changing in the public bathroom downstairs. he grinned at the freshened jungkook laying on the single bed which was adjacent to the wall lengthwise. he turned to put away the damp towel in his hand on the wooden chair not too far off, his hair was wet, it had jungkook gazing when it fell on the older's eyes. he could see the new scar's on his back, but chose to stay quiet. next, taehyung appeared to sit on the floor right beside the bed, in the opposite direction to the window.

"you look tired, you should sleep now. i'll just turn off the-" taehyung spoke.

"you're tired too." jungkook looked in taehyung's way. through his perspective, he could only see the back of the older's head, he took in the color of his hair, its length, they were so shiny. "we traveled so long, and-and did so much today."

jungkook could not see how taehyung glimmered at the thought of their day, he wished he could. "it was so much fun, you literally cut in every line." said taehyung

"you wanted to wait there all day? there were hundreds of people ahead of us."

"okay, okay. hey, we should try the roller coaster next time when we come back." taehyung said sedately while he was picking on the denim of his pants.

"tae?" jungkook said, now resting on his pillow and staring at the unknown ceiling above them.

"yeah?"

"i don't wanna go back." jungkook said. it felt more still than ever.

taehyung turned around slowly to face jungkook, it stunned jungkook. he grabbed the pretty boy's petite wrists. it hurt taehyung looking at how fatigue jungkook was, he ran his thumb along with the pushed bones and smoothened it down. but he silently sprung a chocolate ball in the other's hand and sealed his wrist into a fist. he then followed to ruffle the boy's hair under the limited nightlight.

"we won't then," taehyung said.

he did not know the gravity of his words or a solution to them. he does not even know how he will provide breakfast for them, first thing in the morning. he was not sure how he could keep them under a roof for at least a week at this pace. he is just a high school kid, who used to cry in the shower.

but he knew this was better than being someone they both were so petrified for. they will starve if they have to, but their life gives them the right to choose. he would never push jungkook or himself back in there if they are ready to leave. it is not like he never had to sleep empty-stomached. he knows that whoever is up there, god, angels, or universe, always digs a way out.

he was tired of lying and saying it did not hurt. he wanted to speak. he wanted to tell jungkook why he cries, he wanted to tell jungkook that it hurts, he wanted to tell him that there is nobody else that listens to him but jungkook. it was for the best, he knows. and maybe one day, if not now, they both will find ways to live by earning and may find something they will like to do.

but one thing was certain by jungkook's appeal: he wanted to stay with taehyung for as long as they can. there's no one else here that they know of, no place to live but with each other.

"wanan." said jungkook.

"wan,"

and perhaps one day, taehyung will play the recording again with jungkook, listen to his and jungkook's favorite song because, in this world, there's a little bit of hope, there's a little bit of disappointment, they often think like that. in this world, there's a little bit of happiness, there's a little bit of sadness. nobody can escape these.

our world is not as bad as you described, there's no need for you to be so deeply affected. use your concern and all your love to add some beautiful colors to this world.

and they both will come across jungkook's voice note. he will finally listen to jungkook's cherish, he would let jungkook in, tell him how his world used to be under disguise, full of black and white. and jungkook would hold him and never let go.

-