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Not everyone can catch the attention of Johnny Suh.
Most of the time you will catch him with his nose shoved in a book or him writing something, even when he's at a basketball game (supposedly) watching his best friend Taeyong.
Every girl, and some of the guys, have had a crush on him at least once in their lifetime, and even though Johnny likes being alone and is extremely introverted, he does like the attention he gets.
Like how every Valentine's day, he opens his locker full of roses and chocolates and cards, but he has never put a rose or chocolate or card in anyone else's locker.
Like how he catches the girls in the cafeteria pointing at him and getting flustered when he smiles their way.
Like how he's always complimented on everything he does, whether it's painting or photography or writing.
In conclusion, Johnny had almost no friends. Taeyong was the only one he has always been tight with, and he's casual friends with Taeyong's friends, but he doesn't hang out with anyone other than Taeyong and his younger brother, Mark. If you were to ask Johnny if you could hang out with him on the weekend, he would laugh in your face.
It was the 10th of October, right before midterms, when Johnny noticed there was a person he has never seen before standing right next to where Johnny's locker was. He noticed the boy had light brown hair with bangs touching his eyelashes, his dimples popping out as he places the heavy books in his locker.
He taps Taeyong on his chest with the back of his hand. "Who is that?"
"Who?" Taeyong looks at him confused, then turns his head to where Johnny was looking. "Oh, him? He's the new student, Jeong Jaehyun. Or Jae, apparently, he likes to be called."
"What is he doing at my locker?"
Taeyong lets out a laugh. "Dude, it's not your locker. They're just 3 rows of lockers and you're the only one who uses them. He can use it, you know."
"Well, yeah," Johnny sighs, "but why did he take the one on the top? He looks 5'11 at best, he should've taken the one in the middle."
"I'm... just gonna pretend you didn't say that. Jae is cool, he came to basketball try-outs on Friday. His first real day is today, though."
Johnny just continues staring at Jaehyun, leaning against a wall right next to a classroom. "I don't know... is he going to be the type to fall in love with me?"
"Johnny, he's clearly straight." Taeyong snorts.
"No, he is not, he has a neon bag." Johnny looks at Taeyong matter-of-factly, just staring with a boring expression.
"Whatever," Taeyong walks away. "Maybe try to get a life and talk to the new boy, Johnny-boy!" he shouts loudly and salutes, just for everyone to turn their heads towards Johnny.
He just walks to his locker, opening his lock and sighing. He notices Jaehyun looked at him for half a millisecond before going back to shoving his books in the locker.
The shorter man was clearly struggling with putting the books in his locker, one hand full of around 14 books and the other helping to put the books in the locker while keeping the door open. Just in time, the books in his arm fall on the ground, landing with the loud sound of paper slapping onto paper.
Jaehyun sighs, shoulders rising and falling slowly. Johnny tries not to laugh, but then remembered what his friend says.
"Do you need help with that?" He asks Jaehyun.
Jaehyun looks up at him, clearly surprised at the question. "Uh... yeah, sure, I'd like that."
The taller man bends down, reaching for the books and helping to put them on the shelf. When he finishes neatly putting all of them in the locker, he dusts off his hands and puts them on his hips. "There."
He looks at Jaehyun, really looks, and swears his breath is knocked out of his chest.
Jaehyun had beautiful lips, full of colour and shape, and his cheeks looked soft and tinted pink — almost like a peach. He had long eyelashes and his eyes were light brown and prettily shining like Johnny's a gem and is being reflected into his eyes. His nose was perfect, a concave shape and turned up slightly. Johnny looks back at the man's hair, noticing how his brown hair was shining as if he showered in the best shampoo available. His eyes would get smaller when he smiles, and Johnny almost keeps staring at his wonderful eye smile if he hadn't snapped out of it soon enough.
"Um... I'm Johnny. I'm in 11th grade."
"I'm Jaehyun. I'm new, I'm in 10th."
"That's nice. Do you, uh... wanna be friends?" Johnny shrugs and moves his arms sideways, pumping his fists into each other.
"Yeah, sure I'd like that. I'm like, reaallllyyy new so I don't know anyone. Except Taeyong, Ten and some of the others on the basketball team. Do you wanna sit together for lunch?"
"Yeah, sure, I'd love to. Yeah, of course." Johnny agrees with Jaehyun's question a little too much.
Jaehyun lets out a small giggle. That was cute.
"Great, I'll see you then. I have maths now, I'll be going to... class."
"Yeah, no, go ahead. I have photography, I'll be in the art department until it's time for break, so um... see you then?"
"Yep. Of course. Bye Johnny."
"Bye Jae." He waves at the latter as Jaehyun walks away.
Johnny suddenly hears laughter coming from behind him. "That was by far the most painfully awkward conversation I have ever seen in my 13 years of living."
"Shut up, Mark."
"Oh my God, I did not know you are so awkward with people? 'Johnny heartthrob', yeah right, you blush when anyone pretty smiles at you!" Mark laughs.
"I said shut up!" Johnny says in a defending way, but smiles and blushes anyways.
"I am so going to tell Taeyong about this, he would love it."
"I will kill you if you tell anyone."
-
It was awkward during lunch, just Johnny and Jaehyun playing with their food while Taeyong watches intensely.
"Sooooo..." Taeyong starts, grabbing the attention of both of them, "what do you like to do, Jaehyun?"
"Oh, I play basketball. And piano. Sometimes I play tennis, too, but I focus most of my time on the piano. I already have a scholarship for piano." Jaehyun happily explains.
"That must be nice! Our Johnny-boy here loves writing and reading, he's a bit of a nerd," Taeyong playfully says.
"I heard that."
"That's the point. Maybe try talking with Jae? Sorry, Jae, he's never talked to someone so... gorgeous in his life."
Jaehyun's ears quickly turn red and he reaches up to his ear and brushes his fingers on it softly, fangs showing as his small smile appears. "Thank you, a lot."
"Just saying the truth." Taeyong winks at Jaehyun.
"Can you not, Taeyong?" Johnny says, extremely annoyed at his friend's extremely flirty antics.
"Sorry I actually try to shoot my shot when I see a pretty boy."
"Oh, boo-hoo."
Jaehyun watches their bickering in amusement. In his old school, he'd spent his recess in music rooms to practice playing the piano. He had friends, of course, but he'd never had someone very close to him.
"Hyung, where's my seat?"
Jaehyun snaps out of his trance and looks to his left, where he saw a boy wearing a long-sleeved white shirt that clearly looked bigger than his actual size and a pair of grey shorts that reached just below his knees. He had a red cap worn backwards and he held tightly on his bag's straps.
"Oh, Mark. Mark, this is Jaehyun, a new student, he's a sophomore. Jaehyun, this is Mark, my younger brother, 8th grader." Johnny points at each of them.
"Nice to meet you, Jaehyun. Hyung, where's my seat though?"
"We can just scoot over, idiot."
"Right. Scoot over, please, Jaehyun."
Jaehyun shuffles till his legs are touching Johnny's which almost made Johnny's brain melt.
The problem was, even after Mark sat down, Jaehyun stayed in the same place. His legs touching Johnny's, hand on his knees and his pinkie finger ever so slightly brushed past his knees.
Yeah, this was definitely not good.
-
Jaehyun would sit with Mark, Johnny and Taeyong every lunch.
It was safe to say they became close friends in a span of 7 months, the entire school year, hanging out together at Taeyong's often.
Johnny was positive that he had a crush on Jaehyun. It was his first-ever crush, but he knew it was one when he started realizing he stared a little too hard at Jaehyun when Jaehyun smiled or thought of him before he went to bed and after he woke up, or when he realized he wanted to know everything about Jaehyun from his birth to the present days. This was back in November of the last year.
It was 2 weeks before finals, and Johnny had turned down every invite to hangouts that Taeyong or Jaehyun initiated.
"Finals are in 2 weeks, why are you studying from now?" Jaehyun asked him one day at lunch, voice shy and cheeks tinted pink.
"Johnny's always like this," Taeyong answers, apple in his mouth. "He always feels like he's under pressure before exams, and starts revising 2 weeks earlier. Sometimes 3, usually around end of year exams."
"Does he also not talk?"
Taeyong nods. "It's kinda like he's in another world, ya know? He shuts down his phone so all he does is read books and revise more and more. He's been doing this since 8th grade when the teachers realized he was really smart and gave him harder work. God, I'd hate being smart."
"I don't think that's healthy for him..."
Taeyong shrugs. "Just let him be," he takes a bite out of his apple, "he'd be back to normal soon."
-
The last exam Johnny had was physics, and he confidently answered everything that came up in the exam.
Since it was during his last period, he handed the paper to the teacher and walked out of the classroom, meeting up with Jaehyun who was waiting for him.
"Hey, you," Jaehyun said with a huge smile on his face. Johnny returned a smile back, relieved to see Jaehyun. "How was physics?"
Johnny nodded. "Good. I revised everything from the book, and most of the questions I was familiar with. What about you, did your exams go well?"
Jaehyun sighed, raising his eyebrows awkwardly. "No. Not really, I think. The only subject I'm sure I got more than a 90 on is music."
"Music? Why, was everything else hard?"
"No. For music, I had to play something on the piano, and I played a Chopin piece, so the teacher congratulated me."
"You never told me you play the piano..." Johnny stops walking, leaving Jaehyun in front of him.
"I told you on the first day of school," He laughed nervously.
"Oh? That doesn't change the fact you didn't tell me personally..." Johnny jokingly whines as he stays in his place.
Jaehyun rolls his eyes and heads towards him, grabbing his wrist and yanking him forward. "Come on, you big baby, let's head home."
Johnny smiles, thinking of the weight circling his wrist and the boy pulling him.
Jaehyun eventually lets go, just when they reach the gates of the school and they start walking side by side, slow and relaxed. They rarely get to walk home alone, but since Mark went home with his bike, they finally had alone time today. The boys would make small talk on the way, asking each other about how their weeks went.
They arrived in front of Jaehyun's house since it was on the same road as Johnny's but a bit closer to the school. Jaehyun wishes Johnny a happy summer holiday before walking in his house, smiling once more at Johnny before he walks in.
-
Johnny and Jaehyun spent their entire summer holiday together. They were currently in Johnny's house playing video games on the couch floor, but when Jaehyun's mom starts calling him Johnny gets up to walk him home
"Soooo... how about we go to the movie theatre soon?" Jaehyun asks, clearly a bit nervous as his ears turn red, Johnny realizes.
"Yeah sure, do you want me to ask Mark and Taeyo-"
"No I mean... just the two of us," Jaehyun says slowly like he's confirming.
Oh. Oh.
"I mean, of course, if you want to invite them then we can go as 4, but I kinda just..." Jaehyun rambles, clearly nervous as he avoids eye contact with Johnny (the older man wasn't helping, staring at Jaehyun with a wide mouth like he never expected Jaehyun to ever ask).
"Kinda just what?"
Jaehyun looks around the neighbourhood. "I wanna just... have you to myself for one day. Without Mark and Taeyong - not that I dislike them or anything, because I really like them, but I want to spend a day with you alone."
Johnny smiles and steps closer to Jaehyun. "Yes. I would like you to take me out on a movie date."
Jaehyun flushes all over his face and ears (even his hands!) and Johnny walks away before Jaehyun can say anything. Then Jaehyun smiles, opening the door to his house and entering happily, biting his lips to stop smiling so big.
"Why are you smiling so big?" His mom asks as she walks by, laundry basket in her arms.
"I... nothing." He responds, his smile slowly falling as he regains his posture, but his face was still red.
"You got a date with the Suh boy, right?" She smirks slyly.
"Mom!" His eyes widen and he chuckles lightly.
"Tell me all the details!" She winks and gets back to what she was doing.
He looks down and shakes his head, heading up the stairs. He gets changed and washes his face, and then he lays on his bed on his stomach, grabbing his phone from the desk. Jaehyun finds a text from Johnny.
Johnny
Hey, you wanna spend the entire day together tmrw? We can first go bowling for a bit, then go watch a movie and maybe just walk around the city, if you'd like?
Jaehyun smiles, chuckling to himself.
Me
of course!! can we go ice skating instead, though? then we can walk around the park, i love the city lights!!
Johnny
You are so cute oh my god
You want me to get you something for dinner?
Me
sureee mama has a night shift today, i'll have space to eat your mom's food 😋
Johnny
Sure thing
You want anything specific?
Me
hmmm no i'd eat anything
Johnny
Okay
See you soon! ❤❤
Me
see youuu
❤
Jaehyun smiles the entire time they talk. He hopes Johnny does too.
-
It's Tuesday, and Johnny texts Jaehyun a text to wear something warm since it might rain (raining in summer was common in the country, leading to floods often).
Jaehyun decides on a pair of black jeans, a white polo shirt and a jacket that just covered his butt. He wore his black boots, and just as he checks himself out in the mirror the doorbell rang.
"It's Johnny!" He says out loud.
Jaehyun grabs his phone and wallet, running down the stairs and finding his mom talking to Johnny.
"Hi," Jaehyun says, a little out of breath.
"Hey," Johnny says, smiling at Jaehyun. "You look nice. Very Jaehyun of you."
Jaehyun lets out a short giggle. "Mom, I'll go now, okay?"
"Of course," She smiles at them both. "Enjoy, you two. Be back home at 10 pm, I think 10 hours is enough for the both of you."
The boys both smile before Jaehyun gives his mom's cheek a kiss and walks out, Johnny immediately putting his arm around his shoulder when his mom closes the door.
"It's never enough with you," Johnny says, leaving Jaehyun blushing. He looks up at Johnny and smiles.
"I missed you," Jaehyun says. His head was almost resting on the crook of Johnny's neck as he does so.
Johnny smiles and laughs. "I missed you more, but we literally saw each other yesterday?"
"And? I wanna see you every hour of the day."
Johnny's heart starts beating quickly, and Jaehyun's does too.
"When did you get so flirty?"
"Hmm, I always have been. Just never showed it."
"Good. Never hide it from me again, yeah?"
"Yeah." The boys head towards the ice rink, walking side by side. Johnny's arm was still around his shoulder.
When they arrived, they saw that the ice rink was closed, causing Jaehyun to whine a bit and get upset. Johnny lets his arm down, putting it around his waist instead as they start walking away slowly.
"Hey, it's okay. We can just go bowling." Johnny says comfortingly.
"Yeah. I guess we can." Jaehyun looks up with a sad smile on his face.
"Next time we come here, we will come here and it would be open. Or I'll open it myself."
Jaehyun snorts a laugh. "Yeah, like you would do that."
"I would," Johnny says. Jaehyun knows it's playfully, but when he looks up at Johnny he's looking at him with full sincerity in his eyes. "I'd move a mountain for you if you'd ask me to."
Jaehyun can feel his heart flutter, and he wants to kiss Johnny so bad, but he deems it too early.
"Let's go, come on." Jaehyun smiles, his bangs falling on the top of his eyelashes. He looks beautiful.
When they arrive at the bowling place, they find it open, much to both of their delights. They entered and asked for the shoes, deciding they do in fact want snacks (which just consists of nachos and cheese dip, 2 large Doritos packets and soda).
"That would be 16,615 won, please."
Both Jaehyun and Johnny get their wallets out, ready to pay for the other.
"You are not paying on the first date," Johnny smiles.
"Yes, I am! I can pay for the both of us," Jaehyun replies.
"No, I should. I'm the one treating you today, you just sit there and look pretty."
Jaehyun flushes and lets out a noise of protest, but makes his way to their bowling alley.
"Next time, I'm paying by the way," Jaehyun says, pointing a threatening finger at Johnny.
"So there's a next time?" Johnny smirks.
"There's a forever time."
-
Johnny and Jaehyun finish bowling an hour and a half after they start, both competitive and wanting to beat the other. It was currently 2 PM.
Jaehyun obviously won, having trained at a bowling centre for 3 years in Busan. Johnny was a bit bitter about it, but he basked in the way Jaehyun's smile reached his eyes and made his dimples very prominent.
"You wanna go have lunch now?" Johnny asks.
"Yeah! What do you wanna have?" Jaehyun asks, pulling at a long piece of candy in his mouth.
"I'm craving burgers. Matthew's Shop has really good burgers, let's go there." Johnny suggests nicely.
" 'course! I'm paying now, though."
"We are not having this conversation again. You can pay for the dessert later, but I'm paying for the main course." Johnny puts his hand out for Jaehyun.
Jaehyun looks at it, a small smile on his face. "Okay," he clasps his hand in Johnny's and lets Johnny put their hands in his jacket's pocket.
They make their way to the restaurant happily. Jaehyun almost skips from how happy he is, but he decides not to since he'd look a little too excited. That would probably throw Johnny off.
"You know, I kinda cant believe I graduate this year," Johnny starts. "You're also gonna be so grown up... I remember your baby face back when I first saw you, so cute."
"Hey! I didn't have that much of a baby face..."
"You did, Jae. You really did." Johnny smiles brightly at him, and the rest of the walk is just them bickering over everything.
When they arrive at the place, they look around it. It had a bar straight ahead just for milkshakes, and it was mostly red and white themed. Johnny and Jaehyun sat on a booth in the far corner, just so they could have a little privacy.
Johnny takes of Jaehyun's jacket, folding it with his and placing it on the empty space on the booth beside him. Jaehyun sits across from Johnny, admiring Johnny's muscles as they flex with each movement he does. For a moment, it's just them staring at each other, Johnny placing his open hand on the table palm-up. Jaehyun puts his own hand in Johnny's, enjoying the warmth.
"Hey," Johnny says, staring into Jaehyun's eyes.
"Hey yourself," Jaehyun chuckles. They simply stare at each other's hands before both of them get sweaty palms, so they let go when the waitress comes to give them their menus.
"Hi, my name is Sara and I'll be serving you today! Take a look at our menus and get back to me!" She enthusiastically says before walking away. Johnny just realizes how crowded the place is, just 2 or 3 tables empty.
"The chicken sizzler looks good," Jaehyun says. His stomach is too weak for red meat anyway.
"Right. I'll get a southwest burger, do you want any appetizers?" Johnny asks since he was already craving their buffalo wings.
"Yeah. I want mozzarella sticks."
"I want buffalo wings. Do you wanna get something else?"
"Hmm..." Jaehyun looks at the appetizers again. "Onion rings. That's 3, it's enough right?"
"Of course, our meals are huge anyway."
They both chuckle. Johnny calls the waitress and she takes their orders.
"Oh, I'd like a strawberry milkshake please," Jaehyun says when she asks them what drinks they want.
"I'll take a vanilla milkshake," Johnny says.
Since it was pretty silent between them after the waitress goes away, Johnny takes a deep inhale, causing Jaehyun to look at him.
"What's wrong?" Jaehyun asks, eyebrows furrowing slightly.
"Nothing," Johnny smiles. "I just... I really like you."
Jaehyun's heart feels full. "I really like you too, Johnny. I've liked you since like... Taeyong's first basketball game I watched."
Johnny's face drops. "That happened on the second week of school, Jaehyun, oh my God..."
Jaehyun giggles quietly. "Yeah, I know... you were really attractive to me back then. You still are, don't get me wrong, but... something about you really attracted me to you. Your personality, maybe."
"I'm not the most bubbly there is, though," Johnny says. "I think I have an average personality."
"To me, you're not average. You're smart, you're bright, you're confident. That's perfect for me."
Johnny softly smiles. "You're perfect for me."
"So are you, Johnny." Jaehyun smiles and moves his thumb along Johnny's hand.
-
Johnny went to the bathroom to wash his hands after completely devouring the burger when it happened.
"Hey," Jaehyun glanced up at the unfamiliar voice.
"Do I know you...?" He says, confused.
"No. But what are you doing here, flirting with boys?"
Jaehyun was confused. "Am I not allowed to spend time with someone having fun?"
"No, you're completely allowed to do that. But I feel uncomfortable, knowing there are gay people in the same room as me. Get out of here."
So that was what this is about.
"Look, unless you own South Korea, I'm not moving out of my seat. You look like you're my age, I'm not listening to you."
The boy sighs. "I really didn't want to be difficult with you, but since you're insisting..." The boy suddenly pulls Jaehyun by his hair to the ground, leaving him groaning in pain. The people in the restaurant scream, some even dropping their forks, yet nobody got close.
Jaehyun doesn't remember what's going on other than the guy and his friends kicking his back and stomach, even pulling at his hair every now and then.
"What the fuck?" Johnny rushes to the scene, angrily pushing every boy around Jaehyun out of the way. Johnny pulls Jaehyun's head into his lap.
Jaehyun had tears running down his face, and the next thing he knows is 3 security guards kicking the boys out of the place and the waitress, as well as the manager of the restaurant, rushing to Johnny and Jaehyun.
"Fucking fa-!" The boy shouts before he's finally locked out of the restaurant.
"Come to the back room, okay?" The manager tells the waitress and Jaehyun. "You can come too, sir," The manager tells Johnny.
Johnny helps Jaehyun walk, holding him up by the arms and waist as they make their way to the back room.
The waitress treats Jaehyun's busted lip, putting ice on his stomach and back where bruises were forming. Johnny looked angry. At the boys, sure, but mostly at himself.
"I'll give you both some alone time." She says, walking out the room.
Johnny looks at Jaehyun, who tried his best to avoid eye contact.
"Jae? Jae, baby, look at me," Johnny says softly, holding Jaehyun's chin and turning it towards him.
Jaehyun's eyes were red, and there were obvious tears threatening to fall.
Johnny sighs and pulls Jaehyun into his chest, holding his head like he's a baby. "Come here," Jaehyun finally lets go of his tears, sobbing and sobbing into his chest.
"It hurts, John," Jaehyun whines.
Johnny pulls him impossibly closer. "I'm sorry I left you. These jerks would pay for what they did, I swear," Johnny softly yet angrily says.
"No, I... I should've defended myself. I don't need you to fight my battles, no offence." His voice is muffled into Johnny's chest.
"None taken, baby, none taken. It's okay, it's not your fault at all. They're mad at you because you're gay but they commit sins way worse than yours."
Jaehyun just sniffles and sniffles. He clutches Johnny's shirt and Johnny feels like he's taking care of a baby cat.
They wait until Jaehyun has calmed down before he moves away from Johnny. He smiles though, eyes and nose red, but he still looks prettier than everything.
"You okay now?" Johnny runs a hand through Jaehyun's hair.
"Yeah. Can we go now, please?" Jaehyun keeps his hands on Johnny's chest.
"Whatever you want. We can go to the park now, yeah?" Johnny says, glancing at his watch and noticing it's 4:30 PM now. "We have 5 and a half hours left, what do you wanna do?"
"Let's just walk around the park and get waffles, then we can walk around the city."
"Of course." Johnny smiles softly, running his hand through Jaehyun's hair again.
They get up, grabbing their jackets from the booth they sat in and wearing them. Johnny paid for the food, this time without disagreeing on who pays before heading out.
Jaehyun doesn't feel like holding hands with Johnny after everything that happened, and Johnny understands.
They walk silently. Jaehyun knows Johnny's angry and doesn't feel like talking because of what happened, and Johnny knows Jaehyun's hurt both physically and mentally, so they both walk silently together.
When they arrive at the park, they silently decide to walk in the park. The sun has started to set, and since Johnny's anger fades, he decides to speak up.
"If you're not ready for a relationship, it's perfectly fine."
Jaehyun looks up. "Johnny, I want you. I want to be your boyfriend, and I know it's gonna be hard since being gay isn't considered okay yet here, but I'd take risks for you."
"After today, Jaehyun... After today, I feel like shit because I kind of just left you and I should've known there would be some annoying people here, but... I'm sorry."
"You have completely nothing to do with me getting beaten up by some boys."
"I still feel guilty for it." They both stop, just looking at each other. "I feel guilty knowing I can't always be here for you. I don't even know if you'll like me after this."
Jaehyun stares at Johnny. The look in his eyes isn't mean, but it's not friendly either.
"I'm the one who got hurt. I'm the one who was beaten up. You weren't there and that's simply okay. You're... you're not always gonna be here for me anyway."
Johnny's heart drops. He shouldn't feel like this, he knows, but how can he not?
"I mean, there will be some days we won't see each other. Whether it's because we're in different places, or I have plans with other people, we won't always see each other. And if this happens again then I'll tell you, obviously. But don't expect yourself to always be in my life."
Once Jaehyun's words sink into his brain, he feels immediate regret.
"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."
"It's okay. I'm sorry for making it about me."
They both just stare at each other, then they softly smile.
"Let's go sit down." Johnny holds Jaehyun's hand.
"Where? The grass?"
"Well, yeah, where else?" Johnny pats the grass after he sits on it.
Jaehyun sits down as well. Johnny had his back against a tall tree and Jaehyun was simply enjoying the view of the sky. Johnny gets out his notepad. Jaehyun doesn't notice, smiling at the view of the sunset and buildings.
Has anyone ever made you think
They are the reason you're alive
The pretty smiles that you receive
Make you want them by your side
Till forever, I do just
Want to admire you
You're the best thing there is
And I want you to understand
That I do have my flaws
And they're terrible, I admit
Yet seeing you right here
Makes it all worth the ride.
- J
"What are you writing?" Jaehyun asks.
"Hm?" Johnny stops writing. "Oh. I actually, um... I have a notebook of poems I've made just for you."
Jaehyun wants to kiss him so bad.
"You do?"
Johnny nods and smiles, fidgeting with the pen in his hand.
"Will you ever show me what you write?"
Johnny shakes his head, his smile growing bigger.
"Why not!" Jaehyun's own smile is growing larger by the millisecond.
"Because! I want this to be meaningful. Maybe in the future, I'll show you."
Jaehyun pouts. "Okay."
"I'm sorry, baby," Johnny says, chuckling.
"You're not and you know it!" Jaehyun looks at him, smiling.
"As I said, I'll show you in the future!"
"Sure, John. Sure."
-
It was 7 pm, and Jaehyun still had time before he can go home.
They make it to the dessert shop. Johnny orders cookie dough in a pan and Jaehyun gets a waffle, adding Nutella and strawberries on it. They also get one of those mega milkshakes, the ones that are overflowing and have chocolate all over the glass.
The boys eat their desserts happily, putting 2 straws in the milkshake and both drinking from the same cup. When they finish their desserts, they drink at the same time, both Jaehyun and Johnny just admiring each other.
Johnny pulls away from the straw first, Jaehyun following just a second later.
"I'm paying for this," Jaehyun suggests.
"I already paid," Johnny says. Jaehyun groans, making Johnny smile till his eyes turn into crescents.
"How?! We literally just finished our desserts!" Jaehyun complains.
"I know the owner of this dessert parlour. I've got it covered, don't worry pretty boy."
Jaehyun blushes, getting shy all over again. "I like it when you call me that."
"Pretty boy?" Johnny asks. When Jaehyun nods, he looks up at Johnny. "Okay. I'll change the name of your contact on my phone."
"What! So I'll be pretty boy on your phone?" Jaehyun asks, not believing a word coming out of his mouth.
"You'll be the prettiest boy on my phone."
"Oh my God, John, you're making me feel bad for not knowing what nickname I should give you..."
"You can call me that. John, I mean. Nobody really calls me that."
Jaehyun smiles, biting his lip. "Okay. Yeah, I'll call you John."
They start heading back home later. Jaehyun stops Johnny when he sees a piano on the road.
"I wanna play a piece." Jaehyun points at it.
Johnny smiles at him. "Go ahead, pretty boy."
Jaehyun takes a seat on the chair as he starts to play something. People start gathering around Jaehyun, taking videos of the boy as his pretty fingers dance across the keys. Johnny watches fondly, the way Jaehyun slightly pouts when he plays the piano and how focused he is. He knows this piece, Mazurkas, Op. 33. A Chopin piece. He thinks Jaehyun idolizes Chopin.
It starts to rain on the way, just before they arrived in their neighbourhood.
"Oh, man... I should've gotten an umbrella with me," Johnny starts.
"No, it's okay. Maybe we can kiss in the rain, isn't that romantic?" Jaehyun replies.
Johnny freezes. Does he want to kiss him?
"What? Too early?" Jaehyun nervously asks.
And that's when Johnny really looks at Jaehyun.
His brown hair, wet from the rain, making him look a thousand more times unreal. His red nose, from the cold and the fact his nose is really sensitive and it's such a contrast to his pale white skin. His hands, thin fingers at the side of his body, just dangling like they'd fall off.
Johnny walks a step forward, holding Jaehyun's hand, as he kisses Jaehyun's lips.
The rain keeps falling, but neither of them cares. It was just them. Just Johnny and Jaehyun and their lips, biting into each other and tasting the sweet taste of milkshake and rain in each other's mouths. It was just Johnny and Jaehyun and their hands, holding each other and pulling each other closer together. Johnny puts a hand on Jaehyun's neck, tilting his head so he can go deeper, and an arm pulling Jaehyun closer by the waist. Jaehyun kept his hands at Johnny's forearm, pulling him by his arms, tilting his head in the opposite direction. Both of them gasp at the feeling of Johnny's soft lips on Jaehyun's chapped ones, the feeling so addicting they do it again.
When they pull away, they just put their foreheads against each other, and Johnny leans down to kiss Jaehyun's jawline once. Just as Johnny holds Jaehyun's chin, leaning in for another kiss, Jaehyun fills his phone vibrate in his front pocket.
"Fuck," Jaehyun says. He reaches from above Johnny to turn the alarm off before looking up at Johnny. "I have to go."
"That's okay," Johnny says, smiling slyly and. "We always have tomorrow..." he kisses Jaehyun's cheek, "and the day after that," he reaches Jaehyun's forehead, "and the entire month," he kisses Jaehyun's nose, "and forever." he reaches kisses Jaehyun's lips one last time.
Jaehyun giggles into the kiss. "Are we boyfriends now?" he asks, stupidly.
Johnny looks at him. "No, I just like to kiss and date and make out in the rain with random people." Jaehyun's face slowly falls. "I'm kidding, of course, we are boyfriends." He leans forward to kiss Jaehyun one last time before he starts walking to his house.
"One last kiss, please?" Johnny whines.
Jaehyun laughs then quickly walk to Johnny. "Goodnight, babe. I'll see you tomorrow." He plants a kiss on Johnny's lips.
"Goodnight."
-
Johnny and Jaehyun's lives get better from then.
They clearly become happier, and though both of their families are (hesitantly) supportive, they don't say anything harsh about them.
They'd ask each other out on dates every day of the summer holiday, and when school started they'd go out on weekends, going to cinemas or the bowling centre or ice skating (if it's open). Sometimes, Jaehyun stays at Johnny's house and they study together or watch old movies and cuddle and talk. Sometimes, when it's a Saturday or Sunday, they have sleepovers the day before and then spend the entirety of the next day together; cleaning Johnny's house, cooking and baking, doing laundry. It's all so domestic Jaehyun sometimes think they're moving too fast, but he's never been in a relationship so he doesn't trust his judgement.
They've been dating for exactly 4 months now, making it November. Although it was Sunday, which was supposed to be the day the both of them hang out together, Jaehyun had to raincheck since he had an important appointment at the hospital.
He was sitting with his mom in the waiting room, legs bouncing up and down as he anxiously bites his lips. He can barely think straight, his only thought is that he wants to know what is wrong with him.
Like why he's gotten paler. Why he gets bruised so easily, just bumping into someone a little too hard forming one. Why he's lost a lot of weight, and why he almost always has a fever.
His mom was worried too, he can tell. He can almost feel her heart sitting right where her stomach is, barely sleeping at night anymore since he'd feel the same symptoms his father did.
His father.
His father who died of leukaemia.
His father who he lost at 12 years old.
Of course, his mom would worry. She lost her husband, she wouldn't want to lose her only son too. She grabs his hand reassuringly, pushing down softly to stop his leg from bouncing. She gives him one sad smile, and he notices just how red her eyes were. How they would fill with tears as she smiled at him.
"Jeong Jaehyun?"
Both he and his mother shoot up from their seats. "That's me," he answers, voice so foreignly quiet.
"Follow me to Dr Choi's room. Your mother may come." The kind nurse, Taeil on his nametag, smiles at him softly.
Jaehyun and his mother glance once more at each other. Then they walk towards the room, her arm around his wrist that was in his pocket.
Once they're in the room, they can't tell whether it's good or bad news. Dr Choi wasn't, per se, emotionless, but you can never expect what he says about you. "Ah, Jaehyun! Take a seat." He points at the two chairs.
They take their seats, Jaehyun looking around the room. Then, Dr Choi puts his thick glasses on, taking out a file that Jaehyun recognizes. He's only seen that file since he was 14, anyway.
Dr Choi takes a deep breath. "So... how are you, Jaehyun?"
"Good. I'm happy, I'm doing better in school... The only thing I'm struggling with is sleep. I feel really tired, that's it." Jaehyun says.
"Great! You're still dating Johnny?"
Jaehyun lets out a short laugh, blushing. "Yeah. It's been 4 months."
"That's nice! That's wonderful, actually. You see, I don't think you've been getting better with the medication I prescribed you..." Jaehyun's ever so tiny smile drops, and so does his heart, "so I'll need to make another biopsy for you. Your blood test results," Dr Choi clicks his tongue, "Worse than last time. I'm really sorry, Jaehyun."
Jaehyun can feel the world spinning around him. His mother starts to sob, the nurse takes a deep inhale. But Jaehyun doesn't cry, he saw this coming. Deep down, he always knew he had leukaemia.
"Oh." That's all Jaehyun says.
"Your white blood cells have been rapidly increasing since your last blood test, which was on the 13th of March, correct?"
"Yes, doctor."
"Hm. Jaehyun, I'll need to take a biopsy as soon as possible, when are you free?"
"I'm... free any day. Is Thursday okay?" He didn't want to miss his mother's birthday.
"Of course. Is 7 pm good for you?"
"Yes."
-
Jaehyun goes home and finds 6 texts from Johnny.
Johnny <3
Hey, pretty boy [12:09 pm]
How did the appointment go? [12:09 pm]
You're probably still there but I hope everything's okay [12:21 pm]
Wanna go out for some fro-yo tonight? [1:18 pm]
Isn't this taking too long for a doctor's appointment? [2:37 pm]
Helloooo? Babe are you alright? [3:56 pm]
Jaehyun feels bad, deciding to immediately text back hurriedly.
Me
hey [4:12 pm]
sorry baby the doctor had a lot to say [4:12 pm]
actually i'd be up for fro-yo tonight [4:13 pm]
i need it after today lol.... [4:15 pm]
Johnny <3
Hey hey hey [4:16 pm]
Is everything okay? [4:16 pm]
Me
no... not really anyway [4:18 pm]
can we go for fro-yo in an hour? please? [4:19 pm]
Johnny <3
Yeah ofc pretty boy
I'm paying.
Jaehyun decides not to argue, smiling fondly to himself.
-
Johnny rings Jaehyun's doorbell at exactly 5:20 pm. Jaehyun stayed in the clothes he wore to the hospital, a white short-sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans.
"Hey," Jaehyun can tell Johnny was worried, face not entirely smiling like usual. "You okay to go?"
"Hey, John," Jaehyun smiles at him. "Yeah, let's go." He grabs Johnny's hand and squeezes tightly.
"Is everything okay?"
"Not really. I'll tell you about it over fro-yo."
"Of course. Whatever you need, you know, I'm always here for you. Right?" And Johnny says it so sincerely.
Jaehyun smiles, this time looking down for two reasons. To hide the tears, and to hide the blush. "Yeah." Jaehyun wanted to add a 'same for you' but decided not to.
Because he won't.
Johnny gives him a squeeze with his hand, kissing the side of his head, and Jaehyun leans into it. They lazily walk towards the fro-yo shop, which was just a 10-minute walk away.
Jaehyun takes a seat in a booth and Johnny knows Jaehyun's order by heart, so when he goes to order, Jaehyun thinks of how to break the news to Johnny. He decides on just being straightforward with him.
Johnny comes back to their booth with churros in a box in his hand and the other hand was occupied with the fro-yo they got. Jaehyun smiles at him with his eyes, nose scrunching slightly.
"So, how was your day, big guy?" Jaehyun asks after taking a spoonful of his fro-yo.
"Good. Boring. I got so used to seeing you every weekend it felt weird waking up without you in my arms," Johnny says like he's confirming it. "What about you? What did the doctor say?"
Jaehyun wishes it didn't have to end like this. He plays with the fro-yo in his cup, pulling his lips together.
"The... The doctor says there was an increase in my white blood cells from March. He said he needs to take another biopsy, this time from my bone marrow, to come to a conclusion whether I...."
Johnny's smile drops. No hint of a smile was on his face, instead, it was... emotionless. A rare look on Johnny himself.
"Whether you?" His voice is so small, so timid, that Jaehyun feels guilty for falling in love with such a great person and then just leaving him. But he didn't have much of a choice. It's not like fate asked him whether he wants to die or not.
"Whether I have leukaemia or not." Jaehyun's voice is quiet, and judging from Johnny's silence, he said something he shouldn't have.
"Leukaemia... like the incurable illness that will kill you?"
Jaehyun nods. Some of his tears are already spilling over his cheeks, uncontrollably following each other one after another.
"Yeah. The..." He takes a deep shaky inhale, wiping the tears off with his thumbs. "The doctor says that if I do in fact have leukaemia, they'll treat me as much as they can. Chemotherapy would be provided for free, too."
"Chemotherapy... and what if you don't have leukaemia? What if your doctor messed up your results, and then-"
"Johnny. There's no chance of me not having leukaemia. My father had it, his father had it, it's just a neverending cycle."
Johnny shuts up at that. "Okay." He replies a minute later.
"Okay?"
"When's your biopsy?"
"Thursday, why? I don't see how that's beneficial at all-"
Johnny leans forward to place a kiss on Jaehyun's forehead. "I want to stop by. Go to you before your biopsy happens and after if possible." His lips linger on Jaehyun's forehead. "Your head is very hot, by the way."
Jaehyun lets out a short chuckle. "Yeah. That's a symptom."
Johnny gives him a short and sad smile. "I would've never had you forever, will I?"
Jaehyun looks up at him, eyes still threatening to spill the tears. "I'll always be..." Jaehyun takes Johnny's hand and places it on his chest. "right here. And you'll always be on m mind, my last words will be 'Johnny', I promise."
Both of them laugh sadly.
-
Johnny stays true to his word, spending the evening with Jaehyun until his surgery would happen.
Jaehyun's in a hospital gown in room 224, Johnny on the chair beside his bed.
"Taeyong says he wants to see you at basketball practise on Tuesday," Johnny says, holding Jaehyun's hand comfortingly.
Jaehyun laughs. "I'm in the hospital, almost about to have surgery, but he still has hope I'll make it to practice?"
"Well, that's Taeyong for you."
"Indeed."
They stay silent after this for a long time. It's a bit awkward, but as they both hold each other's hands and look at their intertwined hands.
"I haven't said this before, but Jaehyun I... I-"
"Don't. Don't make this 10 times harder than it already is for me, Johnny. Don't make it feel like it's goodbye because it's not. It's just surgery to know whether I'm okay or not. After that, you can tell me those 3 words." Jaehyun's crying. Sobbing, snot running down his nose, cheeks wet with tears. Johnny doesn't know what to do. He's never seen him cry this much.
"I'm sorry. I'll say it after I know you're okay and here with me. Okay? Is that okay pretty boy?" Johnny says, trying his best to hold in his tears. He shouldn't cry in front of Jaehyun, his boyfriend, his love, knowing he's hurting 10 times worse.
Jaehyun nods, sniffling, and Johnny feels like he's looking at a child who just got told he won't get his favourite toy anymore. Jaehyun's so vulnerable, so weak, so fragile, and Johnny wants to hold him and let him know that he's there for Jaehyun.
"Mr Jeong? We've prepared the OR, please get ready." One of the nurses says.
Jaehyun and Johnny share a look. They hold eye contact for a long time until Johnny breaks, completely crumbling into Jaehyun's arms as he sobs in his neck.
"John..."
"You're gonna be okay. You'll be fine, good as new, and we'll go to the bowling alley again. We will."
When they pull away from each other, Jaehyun feels regret and guilt.
He's feeling regretful for letting himself fall in love with someone, and he's feeling guilty for letting Johnny believe he'll be okay. He knows he won't.
-
"Jaehyun, you have leukaemia."
It's been a week since Jaehyun had that biopsy, and he was back at Dr Choi's office.
"You don't need to tell me twice," Jaehyun says, slightly relieved now that he knows and that it's confirmed that he has leukaemia. "How long do I have left, doctor?" his voice sounds so choked up he hopes he doesn't sound very upset, though he was (he hated showing emotions do doctors).
"5 years. You're strong enough to function with chemotherapy for 5 years. After that... we don't know." Dr Choi says a little too calm, but Jaehyun knows it's his job.
"Okay."
"Your first chemotherapy session will happen on Monday. Be here at 8 am."
"Okay."
"I'll tell your mother every detail-"
"I'm sure she knows."
Dr Choi awkwardly nods. "Right. We'll see what happens soon, and hopefully, your cancer gets better."
-
Johnny has already graduated and Jaehyun has dropped out of school. It's been 3 weeks since Jaehyun started chemotherapy and Johnny has stayed the entire day at Jaehyun's since Jaehyun's mom had a morning shift at work.
Jaehyun was taking off his shirt, ready to shower as Johnny was preparing Jaehyun's clothes and towels when he noticed his hair had fallen.
His hair. His brown, thick, healthy hair. He looks down at his hands, looking at the big batches of hair in his hands, and he cries.
He screams and sobs, chest aching, and next thing he knows is Johnny's in the bathroom with him, holding him between his arms, softly putting his hands all over his body.
When Jaehyun stops his breakdown, he apologizes, to which Johnny responds by saying he has nothing to apologize for. Jaehyun keeps muttering how he's ugly, how he's not pretty anymore, how his hair was everything to him.
"You're gonna leave me right? You're gonna think I'm ugly and cut me off and-" Jaehyun rambles, voice trembling.
"Jaehyun, what?" Johnny makes a confused expression with his face. "You being bald does not make me lose feelings for you!" He says as a matter-of-fact.
"You never know! Soon, we'll barely see each other, and the more you see me the more you'd think I'm ugly, and-"
"You know what," Johnny groans and reaches for the nearest electronic razor, turning it on high and shaving a line through his head in the middle.
"What the fuck are you doing!" Jaehyun shouts, half out of confusion and half out of anger.
"I'm going bald," Johnny responds, simple and straightforward.
"Why?!"
"Because, Jae, I can't stand seeing you say you're gonna look ugly after losing your hair! You'll always be beautiful to me, hearing you say stuff like that hurts me a lot!" Johnny's voice rises at the end.
"You're not the one with leukaemia here, news flash by the way!"
"That doesn't change the fact that I can't be hurt at the stuff you say about yourself... you think so lowly of yourself when you should know how good and amazing and important you are to me, to many people. Okay?"
Jaehyun stays silent. Then he gulps and looks away. "Okay."
Johnny's face is stern, showing not a hint of a smile on his face, and he gulps too. "Okay. Now let's go take a bath together, alright?"
Jaehyun nods and inhales deeply, letting Johnny lead him to the tub.
-
It's 2017 and Johnny and Jaehyun get married.
Johnny is freshly 22, while Jaehyun's birthday is the next day, where he turns 21. They both live in an apartment in Seoul and Johnny works at a company with an internship, earning enough money to sustain their rent (although his parents help him with the water and electricity bills). Johnny wanted to do something special for his birthday, deciding on making him dinner and a cake at home.
Johnny gives a sleeping Jaehyun a forehead kiss and slowly gets out of bed, getting dressed and going to work. He was a professional photographer and editor for the local newspaper, and he really loves his job. He loves his salary, he loves the hours of work he has in a week, and he loves coming back home to Jaehyun, who would be watching a show on the couch in the small living room.
Today, Jaehyun had a chemotherapy session, so straight after work, Johnny would do what he always does - whether Jaehyun was at the hospital or not: he bought flowers for Jaehyun, a bouquet of roses, and went to the hospital in the train. It only took him 15 minutes to get there, but it was extremely crowded today, so to actually enter the hospital took him another 10 minutes. He was a regular there, so as he took long strides in the hospital, swinging the bouquet of roses happily making the work bag he had swing, too, the nurses all waved at him.
Jaehyun had gotten better, Johnny thinks. He smiles more often, he's used to the bald hair and more importantly, he can handle it. He told Johnny to never go bald ever again, saying he doesn't suit the bald look, so Johnny laughed at that and listened.
When Johnny enters the room where Jaehyun was, Jaehyun was almost asleep, but his lips curled up at the sight of Johnny. He sits up immediately, though weakly.
"It's okay, stay where you are," Johnny says in one breath, tired from all the stairs, and leans down to kiss Jaehyun, sighing into the kiss. When they pull away, they smile at each other, and Johnny gives Jaehyun another peck before setting his bag aside and sitting on the bed. He held Jaehyun's hands, rubbing his thumb on the other's hands. "How are you?"
"I'm good. How are you?" Jaehyun says, voice raspy and kind.
"Don't ask about me, I'm always fine."
Jaehyun laughs, and then he notices the flowers and tsks. "You shouldn't have brought me flowers, John," he says with a fond smile on his face.
"When have I not given you flowers after I come home from work?"
"And I scold you every time for it."
"Exactly!"
They laugh together, holding each other's hands just a tad bit tighter. Then Jaehyun licks his lips, nervous as his smile slowly falls. "I'm gonna miss this a lot."
Johnny's own heart falls, yet he tries to stay strong as he smiles at his husband - his lover. "I know. I'll miss this more."
"Don't forget about me when I'm-"
"Never. I'll never forget you. Until the day I die."
The men just stare at each other. Then Johnny brings Jaehyun's hand up to his lips, kissing it a few times before he sets it on his lap, and Jaehyun himself leans in close to Johnny and kisses his lips, deeply and slowly and sweetly. Jaehyun strokes his thumb across Johnny's thigh reassuringly, and Johnny himself holds Jaehyun's neck and waist.
They quickly let go of each other when they heard a voice clearing its throat. They look back, seeing the nurse at the door.
"Your session is over, Mr Jeong." She says, smiling slyly. She starts taking out the IV, and Johnny helps Jaehyun get up. Jaehyun struggles more this time than any time before, but that's only because it's his first session in this cycle.
"Easy, baby," Johnny holds him against his chest, like a small kitten against his chest. Jaehyun just whimpers lightly, and they go out of the hospital with Johnny holding Jaehyun against his chest as he walks. It's a bit awkward, but Jaehyun looked very tired and Johnny's heart ached.
They call the cab and head home, Jaehyun falling asleep in the car on Johnny. When they arrive home, it's 8 pm, so Johnny pays for the cab and carries Jaehyun on his back, up the elevator and down the halls to head to their apartment.
Jaehyun whimpers more when Johnny sets him down on the bed, making grabby hands to Johnny. "Don't go, don't leave me please..."
"I'm not, Jae. I'm here, I'm just changing your clothes, okay?"
Jaehyun hums. Johnny takes off the other's shirt and sweatpants, dressing him in a pyjama shirt and pants (though they didn't match). Then Johnny unbuttoned his shirt, as quickly as he can and probably popping some of the buttons out, and wears a pair of basketball shorts. He never wears his shirt when he sleeps, and so he quickly tucks under the sheets, bringing Jaehyun into his arms as close as possible with one arm under his head and the other circling his fingers on his waist.
Jaehyun smiles against Johnny's shoulder, sighing as Johnny rubs his neck and back. "I love you."
Johnny smiles as well, giving Jaehyun a kiss on his cheek. "And I love you. Happy birthday."
Jaehyun laughs. "It's not for another 4 hours."
"And? It's your birthday," Johnny kisses his nose, "happy birthday, baby."
"Thank you, John. I'm always happy when I'm with you." Jaehyun curls his fingers into Johnny's chest, giving it a short, light kiss.
"Goodnight."
"Yeah, goodnight." They tangle their legs together, each leg wrapped in the others'.
-
Johnny wakes up at 7 am, untangling himself from his husband and quickly washes his face, brushes his teeth and heads to the kitchen. He starts preparing food for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
"Pancakes for breakfast with chocolate chips and blueberries," He jots down on his mini notebook. "For lunch, we can have..." He looks around the kitchen. "Beef stroganoff. Yes, that sounds good. And if we're still hungry at 9 pm, I'll make pasta. Pasta sounds good. Jaehyun loves pasta." He mutters to himself and laughs.
When he prepares the pancakes, he hopes Jaehyun would like them as he has spent time preparing the ingredients carefully, designing the top of the chocolate chip pancakes with blueberries shaped into a smiley face and a tiny bit of whipped cream, knowing Jaehyun can't eat much sugar. Johnny puts the plates on the table, and, as if on cue, Jaehyun walks out of the room, rubbing his eyes.
"Good morning. Happy birthday!" Johnny happily says, jogging slowly to Jaehyun and embracing the smaller man in his arms. Jaehyun giggles, letting himself be attacked by the tall man.
"Good morning, it smells so good. Thank you," Jaehyun initiates a kiss, very rarely but he tries to, and Johnny lets his lips be caressed by his lover's lips.
"Anything for you," Johnny whispers, brushing Jaehyun's face with his thumbs. Jaehyun smiles, making his tired eyes close, and Johnny melts into it.
"Come, let's go eat, then I'll tell you what I have planned throughout the entire day."
-
They spend Jaehyun's birthday together, the entire day was just them spending time with each other and saying cheesy comments to each other.
Johnny decides on making the pasta, noticing Jaehyun's tummy was growling as he caressed it on the couch.
"You hungry?" Johnny whips his head to the left, looking at the boy in his arms.
"Hm? Yeah." Jaehyun leans back into Johnny once again.
"How about pasta?"
Jaehyun gasps. "I'd love pasta."
Johnny slowly gets up and laughs. "Stay on the couch, you need anything you call me."
"Okay," Jaehyun softly says, nodding his head.
Johnny reaches down to kiss Jaehyun's head.
When Johnny makes the pasta, he keeps taking glances towards Jaehyun, just to make sure he's okay. Jaehyun laughs at the jokes being said in the show they're watching and Johnny smiles fondly at the sight.
However.
However, as he hears the sound of Jaehyun's cough getting louder, stronger and more painful, he gets worried. He decides not to think much of it, though he takes longer glances at Jaehyun, but when he hears Jaehyun's cough sound like he's being choked and when he notices Jaehyun was on the floor and not the couch anymore, he turns the stove off and heads quickly towards Jaehyun.
"Hey, hey, hey, you're okay, you're okay," Johnny repeats, holding Jaehyun and helping him get back up on the couch. Jaehyun doesn't reply, just coughs, and Johnny grabs a glass of water and helps Jaehyun drink from it. The coughing decreases from then, leaving them on the couch with Jaehyun sobbing into Johnny's chest.
"It hurts."
-
It's January 2018 when Johnny is alone for the first time in 5 years.
He sits at the front row in the funeral, Jaehyun's mother, Mark and Taeyong accompanying him. They were all crying, Johnny's parents even hugged him but he wouldn't budge. He'd let everyone hug him, whisper to himself a bunch of different comforting words. Maybe he'd let out a tear or a few, but the only time he genuinely broke down was when he woke up and Jaehyun wasn't breathing next to him.
Johnny cried over his body, feeling his chest as it doesn't rise. He calls the ambulance, asking them to hurry to try and save him, but they'd deemed him dead on arrival. It's too much for him.
Right now, though, when Jaehyun's cousins and friends are crying and sobbing, he stays silent. He knows it wouldn't be what Jaehyun wanted.
As if he had blinked, it was already time for speeches. First was Taeyong, and Johnny can barely focus on what he said, other than how he was the best basketball player he'd seen in real life. Then it was his mom, speaking about how important he was in her life and how he'd always do his best to make her life easier.
Next, it was Johnny.
He stiffly gets up to the stand, having Jaehyun's mom rubbing his back. "You got this," She says in a shaky breath, eyes dried from the lack of tears. He gulps at nothing, looking down and heading up.
"I... I am Jaehyun's husband. My name is Johnny. I wrote poems about Jaehyun ever since I met him, which was 8 years ago, and he meant - means - the world to me." He takes in a deep inhale. "We spent a lot of time together. Half of the time we'd be cuddled up on the couch, or watching a movie, or I'd simply just write a poem about him. He played the piano, I wrote poems every day. It was our thing, you know? He'd play the piano for me every time he'd learn a new piece, and I'd show him a poem I'd write about him. He never knew it was about him, though," He chuckles, making the others in the church chuckle too.
"So he'd get jealous sometimes. I'd cook for him, I'd never let anyone lay a hand at him. Every time I found out one of the nurses used to yank the IV a little too harshly, I'd complain. Eventually, get them fired because that's how I am. I still have my book of poems for him here. I knew everything about him. I know who his favourite pianist was - it was Tchaikovsky -, I know how he likes his steak - medium rare and juicy -, I know his usual order from the local cafe - a large ice coffee with one sugar cube and one teaspoon of creamer. He used to like to drink water with his burgers, which made absolutely no sense since he liked Sprite with his chocolate, and he loved milkshakes. A lot.
On our first date, we had milkshakes at Matthew's Shop, and we'd go there every weekend. He called me perfect on our first date. Perfect for him. I couldn't agree more, to be completely honest - I believe in soulmates. I believe he is my soulmate, and I always will. Until all my lives are finished, I hope to see a little reborn Jaehyun again running down the streets, calling me 'John' instead of Johnny since he loved calling me by my birth name more." Johnny playfully rolls his eyes, and the entire church laughs loudly but then sniffles.
"I love you, Jaehyun. You're my entire universe, I would love you always and forever but fate is a b-word. I'm glad you spent your last few years with me because I want you to always think of me even on your deathbed, as selfish as this sounds. I know I won't die any time soon, but I know you'll be my last thought as I'm dying. I love you, my Jaehyun." By the end of the speech, Johnny sniffles, rushing down the stairs, and Taeyong takes him into his arms, realizing Johnny won't be as strong as he seems.
-
It's 2023. Johnny has been living with Jaehyun's mom for the last few years, deciding it would be best for them both as they were all Jaehyun had back then.
She would be very motherly with him, and she'd often nag Johnny to invite his parents and Mark over for his dinners almost every weekend.
Jaehyun hasn't left Johnny's mind. He's always imagining Jaehyun on the couch, watching a shit show from the 90s but laughing at every word that's said, sleeping on the couch so Johnny'd carry him to their room. He smiles just thinking of the memories they had together.
On this specific night, Johnny was on the balcony. He was smoking a cigarette, looking at the city lights, and thinking of his memories of Jaehyun.
Like his reaction every time he'd compliment him.
Like how he would enjoy small talk about whatever, just as long as they talk.
Like his beautiful and fond smile every time Johnny would say something not even mildly funny.
"You know, if he saw you like this, he'd want you to move on."
Johnny looks back at the voice, noticing Jaehyun's mother was there. "Miss Jeong, hey..."
"You need to get over him."
"No. No, I won't."
She swallows then smiles sadly. "You really don't want to?"
"I doubt I'll find someone as good as him. He's my forever love."
She stays silent, but he can see the smile on her face. "You're my favourite son-in-law." She walks forward to give him a motherly hug.
"I'm your only son-in-law." He says on the brink of laughing.
Miss Jeong herself giggles. "I know. You're the only one... perfect for my Jaehyun."