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Why did the one store Pico needed to go to have to be right next to a high school?
It wasn't his school. Well, not like he had a school to go to. He had only gone through the first half of his school life, but it was cut short at the last year of middle school, thanks to the school shooting that happened a few months in. Everyone always wants their final school year to end with some sort of bang, since the next step was high school, where you were supposed to have your career all figured out. A celebration, even, with parties and loud music and free food.. Not having to worry about a student suddenly pulling out a gun and-...
Anyway, fuck this school.
He only went to the store when he was completely out of the essentials, like toilet paper and soap and.. I guess food, sometimes. He hated having to walk by the school though, but there was no other fast route, so he had to go past it every now and then. He knew the times to go without running into students going home, which saved a lot of stress relief from having to go past the crowds and hearing their loud gossip. If anything, he would encounter some students skipping class, who he easily ignored and just walked on past.
Except one day, when a flash of bright blue crashed into him from the sidelines.
Both Pico and the skater crashed onto the ground with a harsh (thud), the ginger grunting and immediately grabbing at whoever decided to not use their damn eyes. "Y'got a death wish, kid?! Watch where you're goin'!" Pico barked at the other, very tempted to pull his gun out to prove his threat was genuine.
"B-Beep!!"
… fuckin' what?
Pico was shoved off while he was confused, the other trying to fix up their overgrown hair until they could finally see who they ran into. Their nose was bleeding from the collision, maybe broken.. no, not broken. They would be clutching it in pain. "S-Sorry.. force of habit.." they mumbled, wiping the blood trail from their nose behind their hand, wincing from the pain. "Uh.. don't tell anyone I'm out here? I'm supposed to be in class, but--"
"OI!! WHERE ARE YA, PUNK?!"
The cyan haired "punk" jumped from the loud gruff voice, scrambling to his feet and.. grabbing Pico's arm. "Wh-!! Hey, what are you--?!" Pico didn't have time to finish, easily getting yanked away from the school vicinity, only catching a glimpse of who was probably the school security guard. Why HE was getting dragged along, he had no idea. All he knew was that he was getting dragged AWAY from the store, so he's extra stressed now.
Fan-fuckin'-tastic.
-----
"So, uh… whatcha wanna get?"
"......."
"..... um…"
"......."
"Oh c'mon! I said sorry! Stop looking at me like that and order something!"
Both of them had escaped into a fast food place along the way, Pico's vein popping out of his head at this point. The other boy clearly saw the anger, so he offered to buy the ginger some lunch to make up for getting caught up in his mess.
"... number 7."
"Ehh?? That's the most expensive one.."
"Fuck you, and an Oreo milkshake."
"Wh-!! …. Ok.."
Turns out the punk's name was Keith, and he decided to skip out the rest of his classes for the day because he claimed they were a load of shit. He already had enough credits to graduate, so the extra classes were completely and utterly pointless, so why bother?
Not that Pico didn't ask anything about it, but he was too busy stuffing his face to tell Keith to shut up.
"So, uh, what classes are you skipping?" Keith asked as he swiped one of Pico's fries, since he finished his own already.
Pico scoffed, scarfing down his second burger. "I don't have classes, dumbass. Don't go to school."
"Wait, seriously?? I coulda swore you went there!" Keith rubbed his own chin as he thought back to the many students he saw in the school. "Maybe it's someone else that has your hair color.. oh. Well shit, I thought I was doing us BOTH a favor by getting us both outta there, heh heh~!" He let out an embarrassed laugh, but it slowly came to a stop once he saw Pico glaring at him again. "Eheh… sorry."
"Hmph.." Even though he got dragged into someone else's bullshit, he at least got a free meal out of it, so he couldn't complain too much about it. "No idea why you thought I was in your school. Haven't gone to school in years. 'M only around because I live a block away."
"Wait, seriously?? Lucky!" Keith sighed. "I don't wanna deal with school any more. I just got 2 months left, but fuck man, it's so boring! What got you catching a lucky break?"
Pico froze before he took the last bite of his burger, a familiar sick feeling starting to churn his stomach. The air around them felt immediately cold and silent. Keith seemed confused at first, but once he saw the other's pained expression, he nervously smiled and shook his hands. "D-Don't worry about it, you don't hafta tell me! It's cool if you don't wanna talk about it.." It had to have been really personal, but at least Pico visibly relaxed after hearing Keith's assurance.
Or relax enough not to think of that sensitive topic. Not enough to not notice Keith's thinking face.
"What." Pico sneered.
"If you don't go to school.." Keith took an obnoxious slurp of his soda, "then that means you don't have any friends, do ya?"
"School has nothing to do with friends, dipshit."
"So you doooo have friends?"
What the fuck was wrong with this brat? "... two of 'em."
"Too little!" Keith shot up and slammed the table like he was some spiky haired ace attorney. He held his hand out to Pico and demanded, "Gimme your phone!"
"...." Pico leaned forward and almost chomped on Keith's hand, but the other pulled his hand back just in time. "Why the fuck would I give you my phone?"
Keith huffed, sitting back down and fumbling in his pockets for his own phone. "I wanna stay in contact! You seem like such a grumpy guy, but I bet you're just WAITING to have some fun, so I wanna be the guy that does just that~!" He held his phone out to Pico this time, the "Create Contact" page opened to the other.
Pico didn't budge. Why was he going to give this kid his number? He was nothing like his existing friends! He was annoying, loud, pushy, smiled too much, stupid, probably into dangerous shit--....
Oh God. He was exactly like his existing friends.
"I'll buy you food whenever we hang out." Keith said when he saw Pico's hesitation.
Ok, he was better than his friends. (Sorry Darnell and Nene)
With an exhausted sigh and an aggressive snatch, Pico typed his number into Keith's phone and tossed it right back to the punk, before collecting his garbage and standing up. "I'm leaving now. Had shit to do before you dragged me over here." He tried to sound as irritated as possible, but he was only answered by Keith's giddy smile and a soft nudge.
"Yeah yeah, thanks for keeping me company! Coulda left the whole time, y'know." Keith pointed that fact out, snickering when Pico realized that he could've, in fact, left a long time ago. "I'll text you to chat and hang out sometime! And you BETTER answer, or I'll find out where your hidey hole is and drag you into the sun!"
Pico scoffed at that. "You don't know where I live."
"You said you lived a block away!" Keith's grin grew. "I'll figure it out~!"
"..fucker."
------
Sure enough, Keith was true to his word and kept in close contact with Pico, much to the dropout's dismay. Keith wasn't a spammer, but he definitely gave the other's old phone some life again with the occasional vibrate. Pico always had the initial thought of blocking the number, but his second thought was immediately remembering Keith's persistent-ness, and he was sure the other would indeed try to find out where he lived if he was ignored for too long. He shouldn't let that happen; even though the school wasn't in a much better location, he lived in the shit part of town. Too dangerous for a punk like him.
… wait, why did he care about his safety? The bigger reason should've been "I don't want that punk in my fuckin' house".
Well, as much as Pico didn't want to admit it, being around Keith wasn't as bad as he initially thought. Keith kept wanting to drag him to loud ass places, like arcades or parks where his friends liked to hang or the mall, but it wasn't really.. unpleasant. The punk really did try to make Pico feel included in their activities, and when the other insisted he didn't want to do something, Keith didn't push any further, just told him to "watch and learn".
Keith really was an idiot, but he was the funny and cool kinda idiot. He always tried to do some stunt or stupid dare he gave himself, and more than half the time, he ate shit and landed on his ass or face. It NEVER failed to make Pico laugh and call him a moron, which resulted in Keith puffing his cheeks like an actual child and trying to get Pico to do the same thing. Sometimes, he actually did, and although he was more successful at doing it, sometimes he ALSO ate shit, and THAT got them both laughing and calling each other morons.
Every once in a while, Keith would do a stunt and actually pull it off, and he would have the happiest and most excited face Pico had ever seen. It was flat out blinding.
It was.. cute.
"Pico! Check it!" Keith waved his arms to his approaching ginger friend. "I got a new challenge to try out, and this one has prizes! Y'wanna hear about it?? Huh?? Huh??"
Oh boy, that didn't sound good. "Well, I mainly wanna know why you're in your natural habitat right now." Pico pointed at the tree that Keith made himself comfortable on. Not a super high tree, but he would probably sprain an ankle if he wasn't careful.
"Har har." Keith stuck his tongue out to Pico, no longer waiting for an answer. "The challenge is that I'm gonna jump off this tree," (already sounding terrible), "land with a roll, and stand up like nothing ever happened! Kinda like those action people in movies!"
"Except they're trained to do that," Pico pointed out, "and you're a monkey living in a tiny human body. You're just gonna end up with a broken leg or some shit."
"I've actually been practicing this in my free time, so I know EXACTLY what I'm doing!"
"You said that about doing a backflip on your skateboard while in motion."
"DOESN'T COUNT!!"
Pico rolled his eyes and walked over to the side Keith was planning to jump off from. He didn't like the idea, but the punk looked too determined to be stopped, so he might as well try and help the other up when he would inevitably bust his ass. "What's the prize anyway? I'm not buying you shit." He asked, but Keith was already prepping himself.
"You'll see~!"
And so, without another word, Keith started a countdown to jump, while trying to keep his balance steady on the hopefully sturdy branch. "One.." a small step on the branch. "Two.." he leaned closer to the edge, the branch snapping a bit. "ThreeEEEE!!" Aaand the branch Keith was on broke off.
"KEITH!!" Without thinking, Pico rushed to save his fallen moron, successfully catching him, but still ended up stumbling from the impact and fell on the ground as well, Keith on top of him. "Urgh.. knew that would happen, you dingus--..." Pico rubbed at his new headache, but froze once he noticed how close Keith was to him. Keith seemed frozen in place too, both of them staring at each other with wide eyes.
It took a minute before the blue haired boy finally pulled back a bit, his face completely red and laughing nervously. "Dammit, heh.. that wasn't cool at all, sorry.." He apologized, no longer able to keep eye contact with Pico. "Guess no prize for me.."
".. what was it?" Pico had to know; what kinda "prize" was so important that Keith felt the need to jump out of a tree for? Surely it couldn't have been something THAT important--
"Well.. I was gonna ask you out.." His face became more flushed, if that was even possible. "Like.. on a date and stuff, and.. y'know.." Ok, NOW he couldn't get any redder. "See if you wanted to.. be my boyfriend..?"
. . . . . . . .Oh.
Now Pico was just as red, face ready to explode from that request. Why would he.. with him? PICO?? Why?? That didn't make sense! "Uh.. why..?" Pico's voice sounded weaker than he would've wanted, and it only worsened when Keith suddenly leaned back down against him again.
"Because I like you! Like, a LOT like you!" Jesus, his voice was so tiny before. Why'd he have to get louder when he was THIS close? "I can't help it! I always wanna hang out with you, and I always wanna keep talking to you when we can't hang out! Do you know how excited I get when YOU text ME first?? And when we talked on the phone until I passed out last week?? You're so much fun to be around, you have the cutest smile, I love hearing your laugh, I love your freckles and hair and eyes and--!!"
Pico had to shut him up. He HAD to. He was going to die at this rate. He pulled Keith down completely with a tight hug, making sure his rambling mouth was muffled on his shoulder. "Shut up, please! I get it! I get it.." Pico had to take a mental breath to calm his nerves, Keith probably doing the same. The silent moment shared between them only made it worse, as if the whole world was staring down upon 2 idiots on the dirt, so, after letting out a sigh, Pico finally spoke up.
"I'm.. not against the idea.." Again, his voice was weaker than how he wanted, but he continued, "I've never, y'know.. dated, but.. if it's you, then I guess it's.." His brain was absolutely fried trying to speak, but his answer seemed to be decipherable enough, considering he could literally feel the other vibrate against him with excitement.
Sure enough, Keith suddenly broke out of Pico's hold to look down at the ginger, blinding sparkles in his bright blue eyes. "You mean it?? You'll go out with me??" The shorter male excitedly hopped on the other's lap, in which Pico had to grab his legs to force him to stop.
"Y-Yes! Fuck, just.. don't do that!" Pico growled, forcing himself up and hugging Keith again.. though, it felt more like a protective manner than an affectionate one. "Let's go already.. we're making a scene, everyone's staring.."
Keith giggled like the drunk-on-love kinda guy he felt right now, but luckily nodded and climbed off Pico's lap, helping the other back on his feet. He got himself a hot boyfriend! A REAL boyfriend! Who cares what other people staring would say? Let them stare!
".. ha? There's no one here, though?"
---------
For the most part, their relationship stayed the same.
Well.. Pico unintentionally made it so.
The most the new couple would do now was hold hands and exchange pet names and such, which mainly came from Keith. Pico found out rather quickly that Keith was a very clingy person, and the fact that they were dating gave him a reason to hug the ginger all the time, whether it be around the waist or arm, sometimes even leg. Pico wasn't against it, but he was always too embarrassed to do the same. How could someone be that affectionate so quickly??
Keith really wanted to kiss Pico's lips. Pico never allowed it.
It was TOO big of a step for him, Pico claimed. He could barely handle kisses on the cheek or neck (they felt nice, believe him), so on the lips? That was too much. It made him feel anxious, like something bad was going to happen. Dating Keith was too good to be true as is, so this kind of affection..
"I'm sorry.." Pico mumbled, after denying a kiss for the 20th time. "I want to, but.."
"Heh, it's ok." Keith smiled, leaning closer to kiss the other's cheek instead. "I'll wait however long I need to to kiss you~"
… he's too good for you…
Right.. that's what had him so paranoid.
People were so fuckin' nosey. No matter where they were or what they did, there was always someone whispering some bullshit right next to his ear. Pico hated it so much. Why did people feel the need to talk so much about him? Why couldn't they just mind their business? Why won't they leave him alone?
They never left him alone, ever since that damn school shooting..
"Pico? Can we go to your place tonight?"
The question caught the boy off guard. Pico looked over at the expecting Keith, who actually looked pretty serious in his question. "Didn't I explain before why I don't want to take you to my place?" Pico tried to remind him, but his boyfriend only squeezed his hand tight and shook his head.
"I don't wanna go home right now." Keith huffed, looking down at the ground now. "My cousins are visiting, and we don't get along. At all. I don't want to be there and hear whatever crap they try to tell me.." his free hand drifted up to rub his own chest, discomfort written all over his face. "I know you said you live in a dangerous neighborhood, but anywhere is better than there right now.. please?"
This was the first time Pico's ever seen Keith visibly upset like this.. was it really that bad? It was getting late too, so hanging outside wouldn't be any safer either. ".. ok, fine. Let's go." With a firm grip, Pico led Keith rather quickly to his apartment, ignoring all the stares and grumbles along the way.
The apartment complex was.. something. Small, cheap, and looked raided about 10 times beforehand. At least Pico's place was a bit cleaner, but it was only filled with a few furniture necessities in sight: a couch, a fridge, one table, and a tv. There were strange burned marks scattered around the walls and ceiling; marks Keith couldn't figure out.
"Make yourself comfortable.." Pico mumbled, kicking his shoes off by the door before walking over to the beaten up couch, flopping right on top. Keith nodded and did the same, only jumped onto the free spot on the couch and sat up straight. Seeing the smaller boy whip his head back and forth to see the surroundings put the ginger on edge, even if he knew it was out of curiosity. "You can.. y'know.." Pico waved his hands a bit, "walk around 'n shit. Just don't look through any drawers or anythin'."
Keith paused for a moment, fidgeting a bit in his seat, before finally answering, "Actually, can we just go to bed? I'm kinda tired, so.."
Bed? Like.. his bed? "O-Oh, uh.." Shit, he's never had anyone sleep in his bed before. The only other times he would sleep next to somebody on the same bed was when he and his friends were done with a job, and that was more of a mental recovery than a sweet gesture.
But.. Keith really did look shaken up. Pico didn't know the deal with the other's side of the family, but it seemed that just the thought alone had him unnerved. It wouldn't feel right to force Keith to sleep on the shit couch, nor did Pico think Keith would want to sleep on the bed by himself, knowing his clingy behavior..
"Y.. Yeah, ok. That's fine. Lemme just.. c'mon, the bathroom's over here, if you need to use it before going to sleep." Pico get back up on his feet and led his boyfriend to said bathroom, in which Keith nodded and closed the door behind him. Shit, did his room even look presentable? This was all moving so fast..
10 minutes passed. Pico threw all his dirty clothes in a bag and forced it into the closet, and stuffed any weaponry he had out under his clothes in the dresser. By the time Pico had finished straightening out his blanket for the 20th time, Keith had come in with his own shirt at hand, so he only had his undershirt and baggy pants on. "Shi--!" Pico jumped when he turned to see the other standing by the door. "Scared the shit outta me.. you ok?"
"Yeah, sorry. Didn't bring a toothbrush, so uh, had to settle for your mouth wash, heh." Keith shrugged as he chuckled, now walking into the tiny bedroom. He decided not to ask about the many medication bottles Pico had in the cabinet.. "Is it really ok to be like this? I know you're not really comfy with physical contact like this.."
"No no, don't worry about me. It's fine." Pico tried reassuring him. He can push his comfort zone aside for a night. Besides, this is how couples are, right? "Do you.. um.. need to borrow some clothes? Mine would be pretty big, but-"
"Can I??"
Geez, that energy came out of nowhere. Pico only mentioned it because Keith was in those clothes all day, but now the rapper was bouncing a bit in place like a child. “Y-Yeah.. Hold on, lemme get something.” Pico mumbled, going straight to his dresser to pull out a random t-shirt, tossing it to Keith. He immediately turned away and practically threw off his undershirt to put the green shirt on. As expected, it was pretty big on his small frame, the neck hole almost hanging off his shoulder, and the hem of the shirt halfway down his thigh. “Shit,” Pico cursed under his breath, “I think that was a shirt I bought without looking at the size a few months ago. Lemme find you something better-”
“I love it.” Keith smiled bright as he gripped onto the hem and swayed. “I love wearing your clothes, even when they smell like smoke. This is all soft, too. Thanks, Pico~!”
True, Keith did like wearing his jacket or hoodie a lot. Pico never understood it, but who was he to judge what made his boyfriend happy? (Well, other than the fact that Keith chose Squirtle over Charmander. Who the fuck does that?) “Well, if you’re ready..” Pico glanced at the bed, “You can pick which side you want, or.. I dunno.” Fuck, this felt awkward..
At least Keith wasn’t weirded out by said awkwardness, and he went over to the bed and chose the left, that side further from the wall. Pico joined him after turning off the lights, making sure not to bump into the other when trying to get to his side. He probably should’ve done more to freshen himself up, like brush his teeth or something, but exhaustion had hit him rather quickly, to the point that all he could think of is sleep.. If he could, that is.
“G’night.” Pico yawned out, turning his back to the other.
“Niiight.” Keith responded.
……..
This was even more awkward than before.
Pico was tired, no doubt about that, but how could he sleep when his boyfriend was literally right next to him?? Sure, there would be a few times where Keith would fall asleep on Pico’s shoulder when they rode on the bus or train, but this was COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. How could he fall asleep when Keith was.. There??
Ok, just TRY and ignore him.., Pico thought to himself, squeezing his eyes shut. Pretend he’s not there at all. And if you can’t, imagine it’s Nene or something. They’re the same height, right? Same weight, even.. Wait, didn’t Nene gain weight recently? Pigging out on chinese food everyday--
Squeeze.
Pico’s thoughts immediately came to a halt when he felt an arm wrap around his waist.
It took all of his willpower to not slap the person touching him, since he actually knew who was touching him, but.. So out of nowhere. From the sound of it, Keith seemed to be sound asleep, but then.. Why was he hugging him? Even now, he’s still as clingy as ever, isn't he? It’s not like it felt bad or uncomfortable; quite the opposite. It felt.. Nice.
Which is probably why it was scaring Pico.
Two months in, and Pico was still not used to affection like this. If it wasn’t for mental support from Darnell nor Nene, then what was it for? “Because I want to,” Keith would say, “and because I love you!” It seemed so easy for Keith to say and do, and yet, for Pico, it still seemed to foreign and.. Dangerous.
Was it okay to be this happy? Was it okay to be loved like this? Was it okay to accept such gentle gestures from someone he cared about so much?
Was this… okay?
…….
When Pico woke up, Keith wasn’t there.
Waking up was just as hard as falling asleep for the mercenary, since he never remembered actually falling asleep. It would just happen, and he’d have to deal with a migraine every morning. But even though he didn’t remember how he fell asleep, he definitely remembered Keith going to sleep with him. He remembered lending his shirt, saying good night, that soft hand ever so softly rubbing against his stomach..
But he wasn’t there. At all.
Pico rushed to the door and saw only his own shoes flipped beside it. He checked the door to see that it was still locked. He ran back to his room and yanked on the dresser to see that oversized shirt folded neatly inside, just how he found it the night before. There was no other hint that Keith was ever here to begin with.
Where.. Where was Keith?? Where did he go??
“K-Keith..?”
Bzzt!!
Pico swung his hand in the direction of the buzz, realizing immediately that he left his gun in his bedroom. Upon closer inspection, it was just his phone notifying him of a text message. When failing to calm his breathing pattern down (he was this close to hyperventilating at this point), he snatched the phone from the couch and unlocked his phone, checking to see who it was..
Keith: Gooooood morning sweet P!! Srry I had to leave supr early. I didnt want ma to worry bout me 2 much. I told u how she gets sometimes rite? Hope i didnt wake u up, but thx 4 letting me sleepover! Lets have a better 1 next time! U buy the snaxx, i bring the movies n games! Luv !!!
Keith: also i used ur key and slid it under th door 2 lock it. No creeper is touching ur bootiful bootie anytime soon!!
… so it wasn’t fake.
Sure enough, when Pico looked over at the door once more, his house key was laying on the bare floor. All the anxiety that almost exploded his heart finally began to wash away properly, now that he knew it wasn’t just some scene that he imagined in his head. “Of course it was real..” Pico scoffed at himself, as he picked up the key from the ground and dragged himself back to the couch. “Ughh, I need to buy a coffee.. And more cigs.. Fuck me, man, startin’ the day with a fuckin’ heart attack..”
…
… if only that was the ONLY instance for a heart attack.
Everything seemed normal after that day, Keith and Pico hanging out just as before. The sleepover happened a week later, and while it was more chaotic and out of control from just two people, at least Pico was able to wake up and see Keith still sleeping beside him this time. In fact, after that morning scare, Pico seemed to be the one getting just a touch more clingy to Keith this time! Hardly a complaint, though, Keith found it really cute!
But, with the added clinginess, Pico began to realize something.. Something horrible.
There would be times where the ginger would space out when he was with Keith; not because he was bored, but his mind would just.. Y’know, wander. But when he snapped back into reality and reached out for the other, Keith wasn’t there anymore. Immediately, a wave of panic would wash over Pico, and it only worsened when he tried to recollect what happened just a few moments ago, only to not remember much of anything.
And everytime Pico panicked, Keith would pop back into view. Turns out, all those times that Keith seemingly disappeared out of nowhere, he had actually gotten up and went somewhere else momentarily. When they were at each other’s place, he had either gone to the bathroom or kitchen. When they were in the mall or arcade, he just went to another out-of-sight area. If they were outside, he would have walked faster than he thought.
At first, it was a relief to see that his boyfriend was here. Now? It was concerning. VERY concerning.
Why did it seem so frequent that Keith would just up and disappear like that? Why was it that whenever Pico would reach for Keith’s hand, he was almost never there? No matter how much closer he got to the other, his boyfriend would always leave his sights without fail, and it seemed to get worse every time they spent time together. The crowds became more and more suffocating every time they went out together. The noises got louder when Keith spoke to him, until he sounded nothing more than hushed whispers that Pico couldn’t make out.
Then it happened.
Keith was sitting on Pico’s bed, wearing that oversized t-shirt again, his hair blocking most of his face. Pico reached over to brush away the hair, wanting to see more of his lover’s face..
His lover had no face.
Then, his lover became no more.
“Fuck.. fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!!”
.. he couldn’t handle this anymore..
---
“Pico? Is everything okay?” Keith said when he finally made it a secluded area that Pico told him to meet at: an abandoned train station that really should’ve been deconstructed by now. It wasn’t often that Pico told Keith to meet somewhere first. Usually, it was the latter that made the plans to hang out. It would’ve made the rapper excited to see what his boyfriend had planned, had the message not been so ominous.
Pico: Meet me at --- as soon as possible.
It didn’t help matters when Pico didn’t respond right away to the other’s question, seemingly too occupied with his signature gun. Keith had always wondered why the ginger kept the weapon around, but all he got was “I just need it”, and that was that. .. Now that he thought about it, he never really got a straight answer with anything, did he? “Pico, you’ve been super off lately. You ready to talk about it?”
Why do you have to sound so genuine..
“Y’know I’m always here for you, and I always have my ears open to hear what’s up.”
You’re saying everything I want to hear..
“.. Pico.. c’mon, you’re scaring me. Say something, please?”
Keith reached to touch Pico’s hand. Pico immediately smacked it away.
DON’T TOUCH ME.
“... This isn’t gonna work out, Keith.” Pico finally answered.
“... what..?”
“I said,” Pico glared at the other, trying his best to ignore the pained expression written on Keith’s face. “This isn’t gonna work out. I can’t deal with this shit anymore. If I let this continue any further, then I..” he had to stop staring. This was worse than he thought it’d be.
”What do you mean, ‘this isn’t gonna work out’?? Did I do something wrong?” Keith yelled out of nowhere, causing Pico to tense up. “We were fine just yesterday, Pico! We talked and ate and did the usual shit, just like we do every other day!”
“No, just..” This was hard. This was extremely hard. Pico didn’t know if he was choking from breathing this air, or not breathing at all. He can’t look at him anymore, he can’t.. “Look, it’s me, not you, so just-”
“What did you do?? I don’t get it!”
Why was he so angry..? Pico should be the angry one, right?? He’s the one messing with his brain, right? How does he not get it??
“You don’t have to get shit! Just shut up, that’s it!”
“Just talk to me, Pico! You’re just leaving me?! What the fuck?!”
Why was he yelling?! Why does this hurt so much?! Why won’t he just go away, just like all the other times?!
“Stop talking, dammit! Shut up!!”
Stop making this harder than it already is! You.. You..
“Pico!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!”
BANG!!
Everything went deadly silent when the bullet shot from Pico’s gun just an inch away from Keith’s cheek. While the rapper’s voice got caught in his own throat, the mercenary took in as much air as he could, breathing heavily and glaring in a wild panic. Never has his aim wavered with a gun in his hand, and yet, for this one dreadful moment, Pico couldn’t keep any of his body in control. He didn’t have any control of the situation. He never did.
“I.. I can’t keep doing this anymore..” his pathetic voice whimpered out. “Y-You.. I don’t know what you are anymore.. One moment, you’re resting on my shoulder, a-and the next, your fuckin’ face is melting right before my eyes. I can’t deal with any more nightmares when I’m awake, goddammit! You’re just like everyone in the crowds! Y.. You feel too real! Too good to be true!” Pico’s vision began to blur, distorting his view on the person before him, further proving whatever point he was trying to get across. “You feel so real, b-but then you become like everyone else and.. And just.. Fade away..
“I don’t know if you’re real anymore.. B-But I rather this stop now, before I fuckin’ get even more attached than I am now and end up killing myself..”
“.. Pico…?” This.. didn’t make any sense. ‘Too real’? ‘Fade away’? What did any of that mean?? Of course Keith was real! How long has Pico felt like this..? Was this just some elaborate story to hide the real reason why Pico wanted to break up? “C-C’mon.. We can talk this out, right? I’m real, see--”
“I SAID DON’T TOUCH ME!!” The hand Keith raised froze in fear when Pico pointed his gun at him again, though Pico seemed to do it out of defense. “I don’t want you to ever touch me again! D-Don’t ever touch me! Don’t fuckin’.. Stop giving me hope! You’re something my stupid fucked up brain made to torture me, just as it always has! I’m fuckin’ sick of it! Why can’t I just have a fuckin’ break?!!
“DON’T EVER GET CLOSE TO ME EVER AGAIN, YOU FUCKIN’ FAKE PIECE OF SHIT!!”
---
After that outburst that caused him to black out, Pico had awoken in Darnell’s bed, eyes puffy and red from crying. He couldn’t remember how or when he got there, but that hardly seemed like anything surprising; this wasn’t the first time that Pico would have an episode of sorts and end up in his friends’ apartment. When Darnell and Nene asked what had happened this time, Pico couldn’t answer properly. All he knew was that it hurt worse than anything he had experienced in a long time, but.. It had to be done.
And so, like it was a routine, they gave Pico whatever spare medication they had for him, they made sure he drank lots of water, and he rested together with them for 2 weeks straight.
…….
A year has passed since that night. Keith was never seen again.
Huh. To think that yelling at a delusion was all it took for it to go away.. Now, if only that worked for ALL of Pico’s problems. But at least that one in particular was gone. Sure, everything felt incredibly more empty and cold when he disappeared, but it was far from foreign. This is how Pico’s life had always been: hollow. He killed for money, he did bad shit with his friends, he ruined his body with cigarettes and pills.. Nothing out of the ordinary. Perhaps the smallest part of his brain was still sane and wanted him happy, hence why it gave him a fake boyfriend, but it wouldn’t have ended well in the long run. All good things come to an end regardless, so he rather end it himself, before it would be stripped away from him by force.
Everything was back to normal. And that normalcy continued when he got a new job: assassination. It was a simple task: kill some punk that was trying to date his client’s daughter. For such a simple task, he sure was offered a buttload of money for it. What a freakin’ steal.
Client: They’ll be at this location at this time. They’ve been tricked to believe there will be a rap battle. Only kill the blue haired idiot, got it?
Pico: Copy.
Blue haired idiot.. Why did that seem familiar? Well, whatever. It didn’t matter. Money is money. Since it seemed to only be some love-struck simp, Pico told his friends they can sit this one out, which only got them annoyed because that would mean he would keep the cash all to himself, but he promised to give them a cut, as long as it got them to shut up. A half hour travel on foot, Pico eventually made it to the destination in time, gun locked and loaded in his hand. He could hear two people talking and laughing amongst themselves; probably the couple. Sorry toots, Pico took a breath, but that’s gonna be the last laugh you guys have with each oth--
.. No.. No fuckin way..
“Pico..?!”
Keith???
Over a year. Over one whole year, they’ve never seen each other. Pico was thoroughly convinced that this bastard was something out of his head! He was, wasn’t he?! And yet, here he is, happily laughing with some random redhead chick Pico had never seen before, but now staring in shock at the latter’s arrival. The lady looked more confused than surprised, but she didn’t seem unaware of the amount of pressure surrounding the area now.
Wait.. the client that wanted me to kill the blue haired idiot.. He meant.. No..
“So! You’re the one ‘Daddy Dearest’ wanted me to go against??”
The sudden declaration snapped Pico out of his frozen state, now even more confused once he saw a cocky grin on Keith’s face. “I dunno how he found out about you..” Keith continued with his spiel, “but I’m not gonna back down ‘cause it’s you! Sorry that I gotta embarrass you like this~”
What.. was he going on about? Did he get even stupider than before? And.. why was it relieving Pico’s nerves? He had his gun pointed at the rapper the entire time, but the more he heard the “image’s” voice, the more he realized just how refreshing it was to hear again. He missed it.. He.. “.. Heh.. You’re acting like you already won, dumbass.” Pico let out a soft chuckle, walking closer to the speakers and snatching up the spare microphone that laid against it. “Her dad sent orders for me to deal with you, but since you really wanna dig your own grave, I’ll letcha embarrass yourself one last time.”
“Heh heh, we’ll see about that!”
…
A clean sweep.
Pico really gave it his all, believe him. He wasn’t someone who focused on music shit everyday, but he was a rapper that could stand his ground, especially at such short notice, but Keith has really improved since the last time Pico remembered him. This was his passion, after all, and now he had even more motive to prove just how good he was. With an audience of one cheering both of them on and congratulating the winner, Pico dropped his mic and raised his hands to surrender, letting the blue haired boy exclaim his victory.
Pico lost, and he had completely forgotten the whole reason why he was here, but.. It didn’t really feel all that bad.
“Alright alright, y’don’t gotta rub it in my face any more than you already have.” Pico sneered, looking away when Keith gave his girl a big smooch on the lips. That affectionate side of him, never went away, did it? “You won, I lost, we’ll leave it at that, so-”
“No we won’t.”
Pico’s eyes widened when he saw Keith’s entire demeanor change in an instant. From a hyper little kid, to a stone cold serious adult, Pico felt his whole form shrink under the other’s unreadable expression, unsure on whether to laugh it off or glare back. “Pico..” Keith took a step forward, but Pico instinctively stepped back, “It’s been a long time since we saw each other. I think we’ve both had enough time to think things over.” Another step forward, two steps back. “My feelings haven’t changed, and even though I gave you time to yourself, I still think I deserve to know what you meant back then.. Back when you said--”
“I can’t.”
Such an immediate response, but not one Keith wanted at all. “Wh-Why not?! You’ve been in hiding all this time, while I was stuck thinking about whatever the hell you were trying to say back then! Why is it so hard for you to talk to me?!”
Where was all this coming from?? How could his entire personality change in an instant like this?? It was a happy little moment.. At least that’s what it was supposed to be, right? Or.. “I.. I need time..” Pico stammered out, his voice coming out more pathetic than he had hoped, his eyes drifting down to the ground. “I need to process all of this-”
“Still?! How much time, Pico?! Another year?! 5 years?! Never?!”
“I don’t know, okay?! I didn’t think I would ever see you again! I thought you.. Disappeared..”
“Me?! YOU’RE the one that disappeared! YOU left me and DIDN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!!”
“Keith.”
The gentle tone of voice caused them both to jump, and Pico looked back up to see Keith’s girlfriend now standing in front of the other, holding him close to herself and massaging the back of his head with her hand. Even though she was much taller than him, Pico still caught a glimpse of Keith’s flushed face, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Take deep breaths, love..” she hushed softly to him, “it’s okay, everything’s okay. We can all talk this through another time, when we all have a clear mindset, alright?”
She was comforting him.. And it was working. Yes, Keith’s frustrations weren’t going away, but he actually seemed to get his breathing in order again, thanks to her support. He wrapped his arms around her waist and hid his face against her chest, now only speaking in hiccups.
Pico.. should’ve been the one in her shoes, shouldn’t he..?
“Pico, was it?” The redhead looked over to the ginger, who jumped and straightened in attention. Despite making her boyfriend cry, she still smiled softly to him, no form of anger or hostility hidden within her eyes. “When you do get your thoughts together, please come back so you two can sort things out again. It would make Keith really happy if you two were to get along again, and..” a hint of pity could be heard in her voice as she spoke, “I think it will help you get through whatever pain you’re going through as well.”
Why.. was she being nice to him? Yet another person.. Yet another.. Image..?
“... I’m sorry..” A meek apology was all he could let out before running away, trying his hardest to ignore the weak whimpers he could still hear from his once ever-so-loving boyfriend. One that he threw away because he thought he was doing the right thing. One he hurt because he was afraid of getting hurt himself. One who he truly believed was a fake figment of his imagination because his brain always did this to him. “I’m sorry..”
He wasn’t fake. He was never fake. He was always real.
“I’m sorry..”
His love for Pico was real. His want to be by Pico’s side was real. The hugs, the attempted kisses, the laughter, the naps, the dates, the dares, the stunts, the hand holding..
“I’m so fuckin’ sorry..!”
The text messages, the ignored calls, the doorbell rings, the letters, the running, the cries, the tears, the cursing, the gunshots..
Keith was real the whole time. And I’m the one that threw him away.
“I-I’m.. I’m so sorry, Keith..”