Chapter Text
It is not the end of the world.
Jinyoung reads through the email again and tries to hold onto that thought.
It is not the end of the world. It’s a disappointment, certainly, but it is not the end of the world.
There will be more roles, after all, and more opportunities. Getting rejected from a role that he was really interested in sucks, of course, but it’s not the end of the world.
His teeth sink into the inside of his lip, and he shoves his laptop to the side before he accidentally breaks it, fists balling up the bedspread beneath him. It doesn’t matter how many times he reads the email. The words won’t change.
We regret to inform you…
It is not the end of the world. It’s just one film. It’s something he wanted, something he was interested in, but it’s not something he needs.
There will be more chances. It’s fine. It had felt like his audition had gone well, but there must have just been someone more suited to the role. That’s all. It is not the end of the damn world.
His head snaps up at the sound of knocking. “Jinyoung-ah? Can you get the door? My hands are full.”
Truth be told, Jinyoung isn’t sure about having company right now, not when he kind of just wants to wallow and sulk. He pushes up off of the bed, slowly trudging over, and is rewarded with his boyfriend’s sympathetic expression and a veritable gold mine of very diet-inappropriate snacks and drinks.
Part of him wants to refuse Jackson’s silent offer of comfort. If he asks to be left alone, he knows that his other half will comply, stepping in only to tuck him into bed and set up all the goodies he bought for Jinyoung, even if Jackson would heavily prefer to help in some greater way.
Instead, Jinyoung steps aside and lets Jackson and all his grocery bags in.
“How did you know?” Even to himself, his voice sounds dull, but Jinyoung doesn’t feel like sparing any energy to sound more like his usual self.
“I remembered that you were getting the results at 3,” Jackson replies, setting down his loot to maneuver the blankets and pillows into something like a nest, something he and the rest of the boys picked up from Yugyeom. “And you didn’t come tell me immediately.”
Jinyoung bites his lip. It’s true that letting Jackson know would have been the first thing on his to-do list (partially because otherwise his boyfriend would pout about it), but now he’s just reminded of what he didn’t get to do.
“Nyoungie?” Jackson must deem the blanket nest passable, because he steps closer to Jinyoung instead. “Come on, change out of those clothes and get in bed. We can talk about it or we can watch some funny videos on Youtube.”
A tiny bit of heaviness leaves at that, and Jinyoung dutifully digs out a set of pajamas to change into, somewhat on autopilot since most of his brain functions are still set to wallow.
“Aren’t your grey pajamas more comfortable?”
He blinks down at the set in his hands. Jackson’s right, but he doesn’t want to admit it, so Jinyoung just shrugs, keeping eye contact as he changes into the randomly chosen pajamas. His boyfriend rolls his eyes dramatically, and it makes the corner of his mouth twitch towards a smile.
(More reasons not to let Jackson in: it’s harder to sulk with him around.)
When he crawls under the blankets, Jackson pushes at his shoulder until Jinyoung gets the idea and scoots down until his cheek is tucked against his boyfriend’s shoulder. He can faintly feel the way Jackson naturally runs warm through the thin silk and can’t resist burrowing closer, especially when Jackson puts an arm around him in response after he queues up the newest show from a comedian they both like.
Jinyoung grumbles a little at his pillow’s incessant shifting. Jackson kisses his forehead and presses a chocolate to his lips in silent question, making a pleased noise when the sweet is deemed an acceptable offering.
They continue like this for a while, eating and drinking and laughing together at the man on the screen, pausing whenever Jinyoung is the only one to get the punchline so that he can explain the joke. Jackson smacks his hand away from the food when he shifts to try to grab a specific bag of contraband chips, feeding him extra lovingly by hand the entire time.
His words escape when they’re approximately three-quarters of the way into the video.
“I can’t catch up with the competition.”
Jackson has to stretch to do it, but he pauses the video. Jinyoung can feel the weight of that gaze on him even though he’s not looking back at his boyfriend.
“I mean,” he starts and then stops, exhaling a frustrated sigh. Theoretically, it is a good idea to talk it out, especially when he knows that Jackson will be nothing but supportive. Right now, however, it just feels kind of bad, some part of him berating himself for being too overdramatic.
He’s brought out of his thoughts by the feeling of Jackson lacing their fingers together.
“What’s this about catching up?”
“We have so much to do,” Jinyoung says, focusing on the feeling of his partner’s hand in his and the silk under his cheek. “I don’t have as much experience as I should, but I can’t get the experience I need with everything that’s going on. And it’s getting harder and harder to get more experience with shorter resumes.”
Jackson makes a disgruntled noise. “I’ve always thought attitude is more important.”
“But they don’t see it that way, Seun-ah. Everyone else is already so talented and only getting better. This might just be one role, but…”
But I’m afraid that it’s the start of a pattern. I’m afraid of being too far behind.
“But you’re still going to make it.”
There’s no hesitation in Jackson’s voice. In fact, he makes the phrase sound factual, like Jinyoung’s success is as guaranteed as tomorrow’s sunrise.
He says it with such certainty that Jinyoung believes him, just a tiny bit.
“You work hard and you’ve got the hunger you need for success, you just need to give yourself some more time.”
Jinyoung opens his mouth.
Jackson presses his fingers loosely against his lips. “Shh, stop. The comeback’s almost over, focus on what you want and just go for it.”
Jinyoung pokes his tongue out and relishes in his boyfriend’s disgruntled noise before complaining wordlessly when Jackson wipes his hand on his sheets.
“It’s your saliva,” Jackson complains right back, rolling his eyes. Jinyoung doesn’t have a defense against that, but he gears up to say something right until he feels the gentle and unmistakable pressure of Jackson’s lips against his forehead.
It feels something like a benediction. Jinyoung sighs, wind going right out of his sails.
“Fine. I’ll try to believe you.”
“Good, because I’m right,” Jackson scoffs, “and I’m willing to bet on it.”
Jinyoung’s competitive side immediately stirs. “What are we betting?”
“When you get a big acting award, you have to treat me to meat,” Jackson says, like they don’t both know that he would never let Jinyoung actually pay in that scenario.
Jinyoung can’t help a self-deprecating laugh. “That’s not going to happen, Seunie.”
His boyfriend huffs. “Well, you’ve proven yourself wrong enough times that I have history on my side, so I’ll be looking forward to the best pork belly Seoul has to offer.”
Jinyoung groans. “No food talk, I’m too full.”
“Oh yeah, we’re so going to pay for all this tomorrow,” Jackson says, and Jinyoung lets his boyfriend manhandle him so that they’re both lying down on the bed. “But right now, let’s just relax.”
“You can’t say that without doing the pose.”
Jackson rolls his eyes but complies after Jinyoung shoves at him a few times, flopping back down afterwards and pulling Jinyoung to him again.
“Believe me, Jinyoungie. They’ll see you. I’ll keep reminding you until it happens.”
Jinyoung makes a noncommittal noise, but he cuddles closer anyways, tucking himself under Jackson’s chin and watching the laptop screen until he finally drifts off -
and wakes up to their two youngest members complaining about all the half-eaten snack bags. Yugyeom still ducks in close to hug him, however, and Bambam is still holding out his favorite drink, so Jinyoung manages to smile.
It’s not the end of the world, and it still really fucking sucks, but at least it’s sucking a little less now.