Work Text:
The sixteenth of October comes closer with a dreadful sense of foreboding for Tubbo Underscore-Beloved. At first the feeling confounds him, Tubbo attributes it to the sirens at the prison and the stress they had caused his family. Then after putting Michael to bed Tubbo catches sight of calendar that hangs in the living room on the wall right next to some of Michael’s drawings. It’s the fifteenth of October.
Tomorrow is the sixteenth.
Tomorrow it’s been a year since that horrid, horrid festival.
He feels the shortness of breath first, then the dizziness hits him the world spinning on its axis as Tubbo stumbles blindly hand feeling out the wall to the sofa where he curls up on it the beating of his heart in his throat. The ringing in his ears is intense and his face hurts, it hurts so bad. Tears stream down Tubbo’s face, his breaths coming in gasps. Everything hurts, it hurts someone please, Wilbur please? Tommy? Techno? Please anybody?
And then he hears him, Schlatt’s voice ringing out through the microphone,
“Murder him right now, on this fucking stage and make it hurt”
He’s in that box, that Prime forsaken box the yellow concrete pressing him in on him from all sides, he vaguely hears the protest from the crowd from Niki and Fundy. He brings his arms up to block the fireworks and the pain courses through Tubbo, the second barrage of fireworks worsening it. He puts his hand to his face and there is a scar… a scar? He’s dying he’s doesn’t have a scar from this yet and that grounds him. The living room going back into view his hand still firmly on his scar the only thing at the moment stoping him from spiralling.
Tears still slide down his face and he’s hiccuping on his breaths but Tubbo is not in that box, that is what matters.
“A year, it’s been a year. You’re okay now, you have Michael and Ranboo even if you are having issues at the moment.” Tubbo talks himself into a more calm state, he’s still red in the face and feeling random tingles of his phantom execution but he’s better for now.
He had told Wilbur he dreams of this nightmare turned reality often, that he sees it when he closes his eyes and that’s true he has no reason to lie but it’s not the only thing. No, sometimes he sees Doomsday, Techno and Phil in their hypocritical glory blowing up New L’Manburg, Dream standing on obsidian grid above. He sees the community house in ruins Tommy there shouting at him, everyone shouting at him telling him how worthless he is and then he hands over the disc. Then it’s Dream’s bunker where he had been ready to die, to leave Michael and Ranboo behind without him, he wonders sometimes what would have happened if Punz had been a little later. It’s him exiling Tommy some nights as he stands on the wall watching him leave with Dream, Quackity and Fundy’s comparisons to Schlatt still ringing in his head to this day. Sometimes it’s him finding that wooden pole that had reached up, up, up so high that no one could survive the fall.
And sometimes when he closes his eyes all he sees is Sapnap in full netherite his sword swinging at him as he desperately tries and fails to defend himself in only his L’Manburg uniform.
He fiddles with his communicator contemplating on what to do, he needs to spend tomorrow with someone who understands and as much as he loves Ranboo that’s not him, he is after all still living right next to Techno. No, Tubbo needs Tommy like they both always have. Tubbo and Tommy until the end of the world.
Decision made Tubbo messages both of them and luckily Ranboo will be there to look after Michael and Tommy will spend the day with him. That done with Tubbo makes his way to his bedroom and snuggles up under the covers trying to get sleep in vain for he will be plagued by nightmares the whole night.
When Tubbo finally decides to get out of bed and stop trying to sleep again it’s eight am, he opens his bedroom door to the smell of a cooked breakfast. Perhaps Tommy got here early.
What Tubbo doesn’t expect is to round the corner into the kitchen and see his six foot something husband leaning somewhat awkwardly over the stove finishing off a third plate most likely for Michael. He knows he probably looks an absolute state his eyes red from crying all night and the bags under them from the lack of sleep, his hair messy and he has none of his normal jewellery on his horns bar the wedding ring.
Ranboo turns and catches sight of him and Tubbo swears Ranboo’s breath hitches. He feels like glass, like one push will shatter him into a million pieces. Still Tubbo braces himself for the avoidance and snide comments that had become his marriage since their fight and their refusal to talk about it. Instead Ranboo opens his arms and simply says.
“Come here, honey.”
Tubbo feels like he breaks apart and comes back together in that split second before he goes running into his husband’s arms. They warp around and he feels safe, Prime when was the last time he felt this safe… he doesn’t know. At that realisation Tubbo is choking back sobs again desperately trying not to cry on Ranboo not want to hurt them with his tears. Ranboo the wonderful person that he is just pulls him in tighter and rest their head on his, rocking the two of them back and forth for comfort.
“C’mon lets go get Michael before breakfast gets cold, yeah?”
Tubbo nods along silently still clinging to Ranboo like they can protect him from everything wrong with life.
Tommy knocks at door and enters without waiting for an answer just as they are finishing breakfast.
“Tubso my man, we are going to have a day just like the good old ones! Where I boss you around for once.” The joking tone clear in Tommy’s voice.
Tubbo stands up his jewellery now all adorned on his horns clinks together as he moves to get his jacket giving Michael a kiss on the forehead. Once his jacket is on, he grabs Ranboo’s hand rubbing his thumb across their knuckles before reluctantly dropping it and leaving out the door with Tommy who wraps his arm around Tubbo’s shoulders dragging him along just like always.
They spend the day messing around running around the Greater Dream SMP pulling pranks, they visit Ponk’s village just to pet the cats and ignoring the importance of the date just like they always do with problems. What matters is that they feel like the teenagers they are for once.
As the sunsets they sit on the bench that has survived so much pain. Comfortable silence drapes over them for sometime as they enjoy the beauty of a peaceful Dream SMP.
“I’m sorry I didn’t enderpearl onto the stage sooner.”
The sudden address to why they have been doing this today startles Tubbo but he takes a deep breath and says.
“You couldn’t have stopped it, hell I didn’t think Technoblade would go through with it.”
“No, neither did I.”
That’s all they say on the topic lapsing back into silence.
Tubbo arrives back at the mansion to Ranboo and Michael asleep. Michael on Ranboo’s chest the two curled up together. Tubbo feels a knot in his throat, Prime he wants this domesticity back twenty four seven. There had been plans for Ranboo to move in near all time (they still need to fool Technoblade after all) before the fight they had. The desperation with which Tubbo wants this is a fierce thing.
It hits him like a ton of bricks they should have been trying harder to fix the issue instead of repressing it but that is the only way he knows how to deal with anything but they need to talk it out. Yes Tubbo has decided, he’ll bring it up with Ranboo but for now Tubbo has to worry about getting his sleepy family to bed.
“Ranboo, darling wake up you’re on the sofa.”
Ranboo lifts their head bleary blinking his eyes open. They hum out a response standing up Michael still asleep safe in his arms.
Once Michael is safe in bed they head to bed hands inter clasped. It’s the most affection they have shown each other in a while and it’s wonderful. They both need this more than either will admit out loud.
Things are getting better, yes life will get better. They will talk this out and their easy affection and the I love yous will return. All they need to do is stop repressing, it’s easier thought than done but for this Tubbo wants to try, try harder than anything else. He loves his family more than anything and if that mean he has to unlearn a trauma response for them so be it.