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Harold saw stars as he fell.
He always saw stars. In his drawings, in his dreams, in the cloudy skies where no one else could. He saw stars that lived inside of him, so that he could keep them with him no matter where he went.
He saw those stars, red and liquid, as he hit the ground, the world going fuzzy around him from pain. The stars were leaking out, and he swore if he tried hard enough, he could hear his parents’ voice.
Reality came rushing back into a painfully sharp focus as strong hands were placed over the wound, pressure applied to stop the bleeding. It was a well meant justure, but in reality Harold could feel the shrapnel stabbing further inside of him.
“Stay with me,” Doctor de Kuiper’s panicked voice above him. Harold almost laughed. As dear as the man was, Doctor de Kuiper was the absolute last person Harold wanted to be going through this experience with. He really hadn’t thought this through, had he? Did he not remember he would eventually have to take away his hands, covered in Harold’s blood?
“Doctor,” Harold hissed, tensing up against his will which only caused the shrapnel to cut in worse. “You’re making it worse. You have to let go.”
“I don’t understand-” Doctor de Kuiper cut himself as realization came. His hands pulled back in an instant, allowing Harold to breathe deeper without further exacerbating his injury. He needed to get the shrapnel out quickly and stitch himself back closed. He had been running for Lieutenant Amari when he went down, she was going to die if he didn’t get to her.
He came back out of his thoughts to the sounds of Doctor de Kuiper being sick. He waited patiently for the man, feeling himself fill with dread at the thought of what he would have to ask.
“Doctor,” Harold spoke up again after a long moment- too long, he didn’t have time for this- and turned his head towards Doctor de Kuiper with a serious expression. “I need your help.”
“What can I do?” Doctor de Kuiper asked wearily.
“I need you to get the shrapnel out of me and stitch the injury up,” Harold said.
Doctor de Kuiper seemed horrified by his words, but Harold didn’t let him dwell in silence long enough to speak.
“Lieutenant Amari had been shot and I need to get to her,” Harold said. “If I don’t, she will die. I can not perform this operation on myself without a mirror, which I do not have. If I tried to, I would bleed out and die. I need you to do this.”
“I can,” Doctor de Kuiper said weakly. “You know I can’t I-”
“Have some of the most steady hands I have ever seen, I would not be trusting you with my life in this way if you didn’t,” Harold interrupted. “You can do it, I will walk you through the whole process, but you have to hurry.”
“I’ll start shaking and mess it up,” Doctor de Kuiper protested. “I would kill you.”
“You’re killing me and Lieutenant Amari with hesitation,” Harold snapped. “If you really don’t think you can’t do it then please, I invite you to find Commander Reyes who is the only other person I would trust with this, before Lieutenant Amari and I bleed out completely! We don’t have time for this!”
Doctor de Kuiper flinched, taken aback by Harold’s harsh words, but he didn’t lighten up. He didn’t have time to think about the man’s feelings. He could feel his own life spilling out of him like a broken hourglass. In the back of his head he ran a countdown of how long Lieutenant Amari had left unless he got to her that instant. He didn’t have time for this.
“I will walk you through everything,” Harold said. “But you need to start now if you are going to at all.”
There was only another second of hesitation before Doctor de Kuiper grabbed Harold’s field kit. He pulled on a pair of the gloves there, and Harold had to grimace at the way they nowhere near fit on the man’s hands. It was a very minimal amount of protection compared to what Harold would prefer, but he wasn’t going to get much better at that moment. If he had to deal with an infection later, well, that was a problem for Future Harold, not him.
He took a deep breath, and started his instructions to Doctor de Kuiper. Which pair of tweezers to get- yes those are the right ones- exactly how to work them to get to the shrapnel- yes right there- how to maneuver the shrapnel to get it back out- that’s right, just like that.
Harold grit his teeth for a moment to suppress the scream building in his chest as Doctor de Kuiper worked that shrapnel out with impressive precision and speed. He was a physicist and musician, Harold supposed, he needed to have a quick hand-eye coordination and ability to take instructions well to succeed in either career path.
“Are you okay?” Doctor de Kuiper asked, his voice wavering with sick.
Harold shook his head and took another shallow breath, “Please just get it out.”
There were no words spoken for the next few seconds, until Harold finally felt the piece of metal pull out of his skin and deposit on the ground beside him.
Doctor de Kuiper pressed some balled up cloth to the wound, this time the correct course of action, and searched through the kit again according to Harold’s instructions for the materials he would need. A minute later and there was a needle ready to enter his skin.
“I don’t know how to do this,” Doctor de Kuiper said shakily.
“You know how to sew, right?” Harold said.
“Giving stitches is not the same as sewing,” Doctor de Kuiper hissed.
“It’s close enough,” Harold said. He tilted his head back and panted, feeling himself losing his grip on reality again and he bled out. “Start.”
The needle entered his skin, and Harold tried to keep his concentration to the best of his abilities so he could give comprehensible instructions.
Push out right there- there you go. Now pull it tight- not that tight! There, now keep the stitches close- you’re almost finished.
Doctor de Kuiper pulled the last stitch tight and finished it off exactly as Harold instructed. Harold took a glance down at it. From what he could see, it was clearly the work of an armature, but it would leave one ugly scar, but it was good. It would fulfil its purpose.
“Can you help me up?” Harold asked after he put gauze over in and pulled his shirt and jacket back down.
Doctor de Kuiper did, and handed Harold his repacked kit.
The doctor had finished with no time to spare, and was happy to help Harold through the battlefield to Lieutenant Amari, who smiled weakly at seeing the two of them.
“What took you so long, Space Boy?” Lieutenant Amari asked, her voice lost in a slight daze.
“I’m afraid I had an accident of my own,” Harold gave her a smile in return. He pulled on his own gloves and worked like a well oiled machine as he reached for everything he needed and gently pulled Lieutenant Amri’s hand away from her wound.
“You have Doctor de Kuiper to thank for me getting here at all,” Harold said.
“Doctor de Kuiper?” she said with a weak laugh. “Now that’s one I would never believe if I were in my right mind.”
“Our squeamish giant did a good job,” Harold said. Now that he was there, and didn’t have to worry about time anymore, he gave Doctor de Kuiper a thankful smile from the corner of his eye. “We’ll make a medic out of him yet.”
“Very funny,” Doctor de Kuiper said, voice still strained as he pointedly didn’t look at them.
“He did everything in a timely manner?” Lieutenant Amari asked, still unsure.
“I am proud to report I only blacked out once,” Harold said, making a careful scan to be sure the Lieutenant didn’t have any remnants of the bullet left in her. He started his work immediately after confirming she didn’t.
“You blacked out,” Doctor de Kuiper asked, panicked all over again.
“It was only for a few seconds,” Harold said, voice almost fond against his will. “I will be fine, Doctor de Kuiper. And so will Lieutenant Amari, thanks to your quick work.”
“I’m glad to be of help,” Doctor de Kuiper said. “But I’m fairly certain I won’t be sleeping tonight.”
Harold’s expression dropped, and he focused wholly on Lieutenant Amari.
How were you supposed to tell a friend that sleepless nights were the only way of life you had ever known?