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Jihoon knew it was a losing hope. The moment he rarely saw Soonyoung in their shared apartment, he knew right away their relationship was hanging in a thin strand. He had no idea what really went wrong— or maybe he did. Maybe it was because of the mistakes they did a long time ago which made their trust for each other falter, the piled up misunderstandings which they never talked about, the miscommunications, the lack of time, or maybe it was neither of them made an effort to resolve any problems they had because they were just mentally, physically and emotionally tired.
Jihoon at least tried. He tried talking to Soonyoung although they always ended up fighting. He tried waiting for Soonyoung to come home countless times but in the end, he gave up. He always found Soonyoung sleeping on the couch every morning and Jihoon doesn't wake him up when he's about to leave. There are times where Soonyoung would go for a morning jog and Jihoon knew because his favorite sneakers were not there.
It became a routine. It's as if he's living with someone but at the same time, he's not... Jihoon can't even remember when was the last time they shared a bed.
So when Jihoon found Soonyoung in their living room when he came home from work, surprise was an understatement. He didn't know if he should be happy to see Soonyoung there so early or sad that him being there means something. The hammering of his heart on his chest was so loud he was afraid Soonyoung would hear it despite being meters away from him.
He silently walked to the kitchen and placed the food he bought. He always buys food for two just in case— and he's happy that he did.
"Have you eaten yet?" He asked, trying to slice through the thick atmosphere surrounding them. However there was no response from the latter. "Uh... I bought food. It's chicken and bibimbap. or do you want—"
"Jihoon." He was cut off by Soonyoung's soft voice, as if pleading with him. Pleading him for what? "Let's end this."
Jihoon knew it was coming. Ever since he couldn't feel Soonyoung's presence anymore, he knew. For days, weeks, and months, Jihoon prepared himself for this day. But why? Why did his words still hurt? His heart is heavy when he replied, "Okay."
He busied himself on taking out the food from the bags in order not to look at Soonyoung or else he'll give in. He'll beg him to stay. To make it work again.
"You still need to eat though. I'm sure you haven't had your dinner yet." His voice shook as he spoke, he could feel himself catching his breath so he turned around and leaned his hands on the sink, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.
"It's okay." Soonyoung said. Jihoon heard a rustling sound and he assumed that Soonyoung stood up. "I already packed my things and Wonwoo is waiting outside."
That did it. Soonyoung probably saw his shoulders shaking when his tears started to stream down his face. However, he didn't turn back to look at his now ex-boyfriend and just said "okay" once again.
He knew that he at least needed an explanation. Why are they just ending things without talking? Will talking resolve anything? They tried it but they always fight in the end and that worsened the tear in their relationship. No one was willing to listen.
So Jihoon told himself he'll let Soonyoung go when he wants to be freed.
And so he did.
When the door of their once shared apartment closed leaving Jihoon alone inside, his knees gave up. He dropped to the floor and let his heart cry out in pain. All the memories he had with Soonyoung for the past four years flashed through his mind.
They were happy. They had plans. To buy their own house, to get married, and to adopt kids.
But what really went wrong?
He couldn't put all the blame on Soonyoung. He knows he is at fault too.
He loves him. He still loves him.
"What kind of future do you think we will have?", Jihoon once asked him.
"That depends on where our feet will take us."
"If I could go back in time
To the past of ours that didn't line up
Rather than calling you roughly, but warmly
Would I be able to let you go?"
Still crying, Jihoon wiped his tears and stood up on his feet, running to the door.
This was their future.