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“Kyodai?” I paused and looked in the direction of the voice. Someone laying in a hospital bed called out to me. The curtains of the room had been drawn, making it difficult to see. A thin hand reached out and turned on a lamp.
“Uh I don’t—“
“C’mere. Lemme look atcha.” The man slurred his words. Attached to his arms were a ton of machines and IVs; they must be pumping him with enough drugs to make him sound like a drunk.
I looked around for any kind of excuse to not enter the room, but the hallway was abandoned. I could’ve sworn the place was filled with nurses just a minute ago.
“C’mon. I know ya hate me but please. Just this one favor.”
How had I even gotten over here? The vending machines were right next to Yuko’s room. Had I taken a wrong turn? Maybe if I walked around enough, I could find someone who could guide me in the right direction.
“Please? You can kill me afterwards. I promise I won’t fight back.”
Those words made me focus on the man laying across from me. “I-I don’t want to kill you,” I said.
“Aww yer just sayin’ that t’ be nice.” He turned to look at me. Half his face was covered in gauze. How had he gotten so hurt? “I know yer angry at me. That’s fine.”
I stepped into the room a little. “I’m not angry.”
“Stop lyin’ t’ me. Ya ain’t gonna hurt m’ feelin’s. Just say ya hate m’ guts ‘n kill me.”
“Why would I?”
He smiled at me and tried to laugh, but it came out scratchy and forced— like he wasn’t used to talking. “I left ya all on yer own. I was spose t’ be there. How d’ya not remember that?”
Should I even be talking to this guy? He seems completely out of it. But he’d probably get upset if I just left him altogether. That didn’t feel like the right thing to do, anyway.
I took a few more steps until I was completely in the room. From this angle, I could see ink peeking out from under the bandages. So he’s yakuza. “Sorry. My memory’s been fuzzy recently.”
Another dry laugh. “Don’t ya fuckin’ apologize t’ me, ya bastard.” I think he was trying to sound playful? “I should be the one layin’ at yer feet, beggin’ ya t’ spare m’ life.”
“Was what you did really that bad?”
“Was it— Saejima, what the fuck is wrong witcha?” He sat up in the bed now, glaring at me. I stepped back, my hands raised in surrender. As if the other man could do anything to hurt me.
The moment of rage seemed to fade away as he laid back down and sighed. “It don’t matter. Guess yer jus’ gonna keep tryin’ t’ make me feel better. ‘Preciate it, kyodai.”
I relaxed and took a few more steps forward. I was now close enough to touch the foot of the bed.
“So how ya gon’ kill me? Or are ya still decidin’?”
I shook my head. “I’m not going to do anything like that.”
“Guess the impact’s lost if I’m ‘spectin’ it. Stringin’ me along makes it hurt more. Smart move.”
Trying to argue wasn’t getting me anywhere. Maybe I should try to get some more information? “Can you tell me why you didn’t show up?”
The man looked away from me. “Guess I can. Not like it matters much.” He sighed. “Got held up. Some kinda plan ‘r somethin’. Took m’ eye.”
“You’re missing an eye?!” I leaned forward on the bed frame.
“Sure am.” He moved to pull off the bandages. “Wanna see?”
I shook my head, unable to speak.
“Aw. Maybe next time.” He laid back in bed and shut his good eye. “If there is one.”
This isn’t making any sense. “None of that sounds like it was your fault… kyodai.”
He threw up a hand to wave my words away. “Why we gotta assign blame? I didn’t show up and now yer dead or in jail or whatever.” He looked up at the ceiling and sighed. “Am I dead, too? ’S that why ya won’t kill me?”
“N-no. You’re alive.” I gripped the railing of the bed frame. This whole situation was devolving into something I had no business eavesdropping on but by now, I was in too deep to just leave.
“Dammit.” He sighed, still staring at the ceiling. “If ya ain’t some kinda hallucination and ya really are in jail, don’t ever go back t’ the yakuza if ya get released. Ain’t fuckin’ worth it.” He turned to look at me. “Though I guess Sasai was pretty chill. Probably wouldn’t torture ya too much.”
“Were you… tortured, too?!” I took a few steps back. This guy was caught up in some dangerous shit. What would whoever put him here do to me if they walked in? Would they start looking for Nishiki and Yumi, too?
“What, I say somethin’ a lil scary ’n now yer runnin’ away? What the fuck Saejima?”
“I’m not your kyodai—“
“And now yer so fuckin’ ashamed yer gonna disown me?” The man raised his voice. “Fuck you, man.”
I stole a quick glance out the door. No one had come. Yet. Maybe if I placated him, I could slip out before I got buried in concrete. “I-I’m sorry. I’m not disowning you.” I covered my mouth with my hand let out a shaky breath. “I just got a little scared.”
He sighed, collapsing into bed like the string that’d held him up had been cut. “Thank god. Don’t know what I’d do withoutcha.” He tugged at the bandages wrapped around his hands. “Sorry for uh… swearin’ atcha. I just— got scared, y’know?” Our eyes met. “If ya leave me, who else do I got?” In this moment, all my fear melted away. This was just a guy who was hurt, and afraid, and alone.
I sat down next to him. “It’s okay. I’m not… I’m not gonna leave you,” I lied.
The man ran a thin, veiny hand over his face. “Fuck, yer the one ’n trouble ’n here ya are comfortin’ me. So fuckin’ needy.”
I reached out for his free hand and held it. His skin was cold and waxy. Like he wasn’t even real. “Please, just listen to me: none of what happened was your fault,” I started. “I-I don’t know what exactly happened to you, but you didn’t deserve that. And you don’t deserve whatever’s going to happen afterwards.” An idea popped into my head. “Can you do me a favor?”
“Of course.” He didn’t even hesitate.
“Promise me you’ll stop blaming yourself for all of this.”
“Kyodai—“
“For me?”
The man looked away. It was a while before he spoke again. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll do that.”
I nodded. Good. I don’t know if that’ll actually do anything, but maybe he’d stop telling me to kill him.
Tiny, quiet sobs pulled my from my thoughts. “I missed ya so much.”
My stomach coiled in on itself. This is wrong. I can’t keep doing this. What if he remembers all of this? I swallowed. “I missed you, too.”
“I just want everything to go back to normal.”
I still had his glassy hand in mine. I squeezed. “I know.”
“But that ain’t possible, is it?”
I remained silent.
“Course it ain’t.” The man looked over at me, jaw set and tear tracks illuminated by the yellow light of the lamp. “This ain’t even real, is it?”
I chewed on my lip. Neither answer I gave would technically be a lie, but that didn’t make this any easier.
“Taiga. Just tell me the truth.”
“…No. It’s not.”
For a moment he didn’t respond. Just watched me. I resisted the urge to look away. He deserved that much. Finally, he laid back and laughed, quiet and low. “Course it ain’t. Nothin’ good ever comes my way.”
“I’m sorry—“
“Why apologize? Ya ain’t even real.” He cursed under his breath. “If only I could get ya t’ kill dream me. Don’t even got control over m’ brain, I guess.”
Maybe this wasn’t the right question to ask, but it burned in the back of my mind: “why do you wanna die so much?”
“Yer ears blocked ‘r somethin’? I already told ya I got nothin’. All’m good fer is gettin’ carved up ‘r beat ‘r whatever else they wanna do t’ me.”
“That sounds awful,” I whispered.
“Yeah, well. Right now ain’t bad. Thanks fer that, kyodai. Guess it’s the last favor you’ll do fer me, eh?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
The man opened his mouth to say something else, but was interrupted.
“Kazuma?” I looked over at the sound of my name. Yumi stood in the doorway, her arms crossed. “There you are! We’ve been looking everywhere for you.” She frowned. “What are you doing?”
The man looked over at me. “Kyodai, who’s that?”
I stood up. “I-I’m sorry. I have to go with my sister.” I almost didn’t want to leave, but it was probably for the best. If I stuck around. The people who hurt this man could come back. At this point, I was beginning to worry that they’d punish him for talking to me, too.
“Ah well, gotta put yer family first, right?” He smiled a lazy, drug-induced grin. “Tell her t’ stay in school, yeah? Don’t end up like us.”
“I will.”
He lifted a hand to wave at me, causing wires to cascade down his arm. “See ya later.”
I stood up and left.
Yumi took my hand and led me down the hallway. When we were out of earshot of the mystery man’s room, she asked, “who were you talking to?”
“I’m not really sure. Yakuza I think.”
“…Why would you talk to him?”
“I-I dunno.” I looked over my shoulder, at the now-closed door. “He thought I was someone else.”