Chapter Text

There’s a kind of time travel in letters, isn’t there? I imagine you laughing at my small joke; I imagine you groaning; I imagine you throwing my words away. Do I have you still? Do I address empty air and the flies that will eat this carcass? You could leave me for five years, you could return never—and I have to write the rest of this not knowing.  - This is how you lose the time war

Noé gets home and slowly undresses - the scarf that's been wrapped around his neck all day, his coat, step by step. 

As if someone could ever fall for a person like me.

Those words echo through his mind more often than it should - or than he wanted it to wander around his memories. He has many memories inside him, some he can't even recall unless he works hard to bring them back. But those words Vanitas said, the one he never wanted to hear in the first place, kept playing. An eternal encore. 

He needs to do something about it. Maybe not a need, but he wants to. He feels the desire to fill Vanita's heart with love, with care, with ease. He wants to see Vanitas close his eyes and take a proper sleep. 

But he also knows he can't say all that to Vani. Not now. Not all of it. 

So he speaks to the paper. 

He does it like he's building a time capsule. 

_________________________

As if someone could ever fall for a person like me.

letter one

dear Vanitas,

It's me. Noé. I have been trying to find the right words to speak to you, but it's harder than I expected. I've been practicing a speech in my mind, but it never seems to be the right one. I even doodled some things in my sketchbook. I know you like my drawings, and I'm attaching a new one to this letter. It's a landscape, the one you took me last week to see. Well, to be fair, I drew you staring at it. But you saw it with your own eyes, so I'm showing you what i saw with mine.

Today, I come to you with just pen and paper, and open my heart. 

Wish I could clean all your scars and fix everything for you. But I cannot. So, for the very least, let me follow you along the way. Can I be by your side and stay? 

Can I, in the cold nights, bring you a warm blanket and lay in bed with you? That's the least I can do. I won’t ask for much, as long as I have you and your smile. 

I won’t ask - take your time. I'll be waiting, with all my heart, to hear you talk about your life. 

our future. It is long, so take your time. 

The clock might be ticking, but I'll stop it for you. Don’t mind the seconds passing by, for in me they’re nonexistent. blank - just you and I. Time is a mystical thing, and we can’t control it. But for you, I can try. close your eyes, deep breath. Can you feel my heart? I’ll talk to the Gods, to the owner of time. Just so you can breathe and speak your mind. Are you ready?

Whenever you are, so am I.

Noé.

_________________________

Noé gets home from another long day - he's been having those, and speaking to Vanitas, well, writing Vanitas, has been his own way of letting it all go - the long days, the bad memories, the little whispers he hears when people discover his last name. So he grabs a pen, and writes again. He's always been good with words. Or, comfortable, at least. 

Vani,

You didn't mention receiving my letter yet - but I see you keeping my little drawing in between the pages of that book of yours. You have no idea how happy that makes me - so let me make sure you do: I'm really glad. Thank you. 

I want to speak to you as much as the time allows. Remember when I said I was glad you are who you are now?

Tell me , how did you become this person?

Tell me , what’s the story behind that earring of yours?

I want to take back the time we didn’t have before I met you. I’m so glad we finally met! I used to be insecure about the past - now I’m glad for the present. Thank you for allowing me to be by your side. And sorry, but again, I won’t go anywhere. Freedom isn't the same as loneliness. I'm here. 

See, you keep telling yourself you’re not worthy of love, worthy of care. I’m here to tell you that I don’t believe that. The more I see you, the more I want to see that smile, and to be the one behind it. 

You can tell yourself that, Vanitas, but I’m not going anywhere. 

I’m selfish.

And I’m staying.  Because…. simply because I want to stay by your side. 

Does that make me a bad person? I could leave you alone. But I don’t plan on giving you that kind of peace, unfortunately. Because. As simple as it is, I love you. And I'm not giving up. Isn't that what faith is? I have faith in you, you know that? 

I have faith in you - in us. 

You might be able to fool a passerby. 

I'm here to stay, Vanitas.

You deserve to be loved. Even if not by me. You deserve it.

Noé.

_________________________

It's been a few months since he started to write those letters to Vanitas. He was worried that it would change something, but it actually brought them two even closer. Vanitas is looking more comfortable, even though he never mentions the letters. He doesn't have to, so Noé doesn't really mind it. As long as the words reach him, he's glad. Those letters are for Noé to speak his mind, and also to tell Vanitas what he wants to say out loud, but knows very well Vanitas needs a time to absorb it all alone. 

And so he starts writing another one.