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Alex couldn't help but smile as he walked the halls of Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital. He was home. As much as he loved being with his kids, Kansas wasn't home the same way that Seattle was. When Bailey offered him the chance to come back as a visiting surgeon to teach the new residents, he didn’t hesitate to say yes. He wanted to see Meredith and everyone else again. He walked over to the 4th floor nurses station where he was supposed to meet Bailey and Meredith, but he didn't see either of them. As he looked around, there was someone who caught his eye.
A baby girl was chewing on her fist and looking at him over her mom's shoulder. She had little tufts of blonde hair that was tied up in a little fountain ponytail on top of her head that matched her mom's short blonde curls. Her mom must be an OB given her pink scrubs, but he focused on the little girl that smiled at him. He couldn't help but smile back at her and give her a little wave. She took her fist out of her mouth, smiling back at him and waving her chubby little hand at him as he walked closer and waved again.
Alex had always loved babies with their chubby little fingers, their toothless smiles, and their full belly laughs. He had always wanted kids, babies. Wherever he thought about having a baby, he always thought about having a baby with Jo. Some days he still did. He had missed the baby days with Alexis and Eli, and although he was glad he got to be a part of their lives now, it wasn't the same. He missed the chance to watch them grow and become their own little persons.
The little girl babbled as she waved her arm. Her mom gently bounced her and continued with her work on the tablet in front of her as Alex walked up to them. He waved to her again, and the little girl excitedly babbled to him and waved her arms.
“Hey, sweetie, who's beautiful little girl are you?” Alex asked briefly, glancing at the mom as he looked back at the little girl.
“Alex!?” Jo asked and as she whipped around to stare at him.
Alex froze in surprise as he saw Jo. He took in the sight of his ex-wife and realized that it was her baby he was waving at. Her daughter turned around and waved at him again as she continued to babble, but Jo seemed frozen too as they just stared at each other. Jo looked so different in pink scrubs with short blond hair and a little girl in her arms. He couldn't believe that it was actually her.
Sure Meredith had said that she had changed, but she looked completely different. Yet, she looked great and he knew that he didn’t look nearly as good. He was thinner from the stress of everything, his hair was greyer, and although he tried to keep his beard short, it often grew out into the scruffy beard he had now. Yet, she looked just as beautiful as the day he married her.
“Jo,” Alex said, finally coming out of his daze, but he still stared at her. “You're blonde, you have a kid? Wait, is that my kid?”
As he looked more critically at the baby girl, it made sense. The time added up, and she looked to be under a year old. She was small, but chubby and frankly adorable, and they weren't exactly careful in those last few months before he left.
Before he could try and do the math, Jo blinked as she seemed to come out of her trance.
“No, Luna's mine. I adopted her,” Jo said as his heart dropped.
He was disappointed that her baby wasn’t his. It would have given him a reason to stay and try and make things work with her. Jo looked down at Luna with soft eyes and a small smile, and he couldn’t help but be happy for her. Jo was always so hesitant to have a baby, but here she was with one of her own. When he left, Alex hoped she would get the chance to experience the happiness that he felt, being a parent to his twins.
He reached out to Luna as she grasped his finger, and Jo smiled as they interacted. Of all the times that he had watched Jo hold a baby, he had always imagined what it would be like when she held their baby. Watching her now was like everything he had ever imagined. She was so natural as she held Luna close and swayed gently in the way that moms sometimes did absentmindedly.
“She’s beautiful,” Alex said with a soft smile as he looked at them. “You look good too, you seem happy, and I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you,” Jo said, looking back at him as their eyes met and they stared at each other.
His lips parted, there were so many things he wanted to say to her, yet no words escaped his lips as he just stared at her. Because the truth was that there were no words that could undo the hurt he inflicted upon her. He didn't want to hurt her further by bringing up the past. She looked happy and he didn't want to ruin that happiness. As much as he wanted to be a part of her life again, to hear about how much she had changed and to get to know her daughter. He knew he couldn’t, so instead, he just stared at her.
“How long are you staying?” Jo asked, a little hesitant as she glanced down and took in a breath before she looked back at him.
“Just for the week, Bailey offered me the chance to come in and teach the residents, and I wanted to see Meredith and everyone again, so I thought I’d come back,” Alex said, he wanted to say that he had wanted to see her again too and that he was trying to convince Bailey to give him a permanent position, but he didn’t. There seemed to be a bit of tenderness between them, and he didn’t want to ruin that.
“Oh,” Jo whispered, a bit of disappointment flickered across her face as she looked down again. “Well, I should get this little one down to daycare and head up to the OB floor.”
“OB, you switched from general surgery?” Alex said, a bit taken aback although he had noted the pink scrubs, his brain had quite made the connection.
“Yeah, with the pandemic and everything, surgery was just work. It didn't bring me joy anymore. Then one day, I was pulled in to deliver a baby, and my life has pretty much been filled with babies ever since,” Jo said, a wide and genuine smile spreading across her lips and he couldn't help but match it. They both looked down at Luna and she smiled at them both, babbling a little bit and Alex couldn’t help but be completely enamored with her.
“I'm happy for you, Jo. I mean it. You seem happy and I'm glad,” Alex said, just staring at her as Jo looked into his eyes and nodded.
They stared at each other for a few more minutes, just gazing into each other's eyes. Luna started babbling as she caught their attention, swinging her arm around as Alex rubbed the back of her little hand.
“Well, I guess I won't be seeing you around as much, but it was nice to see you, Jo,” Alex said, his voice soft for her.
“Please, stop saying my name like that,” Jo said, closing her eyes with a shake of her head.
“Like what?” Alex asked, knowing full well what she meant.
“Like you still love me,” Jo said, looking over at him.
“Jo, I,” Alex said before she cut him off.
“Please Alex, don't make this any harder than it has to be,” Jo said, her expression contorting into one of pain as she looked away and hugged Luna closer to her. “I’ve got to go.”
Jo turned to try and run away, but Luna was still holding on to his finger, and he was forced to step forward and follow them. She finally realized what was going on and grasped Luna’s hand, her fingers brushing over his as she tried to force her hand open.
“Luna, sweetie, let go.”
Luna looked between the two of them and her face screwed up as she was forced to let go of Alex's finger. She let out a little cry before her tears started to fall and Alex frowned as she slipped from his grasp. As soon as they parted, Jo rushed away, gently soothing her daughter and holding her close. He watched her walk down the hall and just before she turned the corner, Luna looked back at him. He gave her a little goodbye wave that she returned before she buried her head in her mom's shoulders, clutching onto Jo’s short blonde hair. Long after they had disappeared, Alex still stared down the hallway.
“Hey,” Meredith said, and he looked back at her just in time as she pulled him in for a hug.
She pulled back, but her smile quickly disappeared as she took in his expression. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out as he just stared at Meredith, thinking of Jo.
“You saw Jo, didn’t you,” Meredith said, letting out a sigh as she rubbed her hand up and down his arm.
“She has a little girl, Luna,” Alex said, still a little stunned as he looked back down the hallway.
“Yeah, Luna. Her mom was Jo’s patient. Jo watched over Luna after she died and later adopted her,” Meredith said with a little bit of a smile.
“She's blonde?” Alex said, his eyes going wide, she looked good, but he was still surprised.
“Yeah, it was an accident, but she kept it rather than dyeing it back. I think she's still processing the divorce or something. It reminds me of Lexie, but I’m sure she'll go back to her regular brunette color in a little while, but for now, she’s doing good. She's happy, Alex.”
Alex looked up as Meredith spoke in a softer tone. He looked down at the hallway one last time before looking back at Meredith. Jo had always brought such happiness to his life. Even now, seeing her for just a moment filled him with such happiness. He remembered the way she smiled as they talked about Luna. She looked happy and he was glad she was happier now. Even if she wasn’t happy with him.