Chapter Text
“Ugh, men!” was what Darcy chose to open with as she stormed into the lab Jane had appropriated. Said woman was hunched over a desk, looking at something under a microscope and making notes messily on a scrap of paper.
From over the astrophysicists shoulder, Tony Stark looked up, his expression playfully insulted and indignant. “Hey!”
“I’m not taking it back.” Darcy warned him. “I am done. I am so done with the whole lot of you.” She exclaimed, and at that, Jane finally managed to drag herself out of her scientific fugue state and blink at her best friend in concern.
“What happened?” She asked.
“They both turned me down!” Darcy cried dramatically, flinging herself into a chair that promptly rolled halfway across the lab, and she had to scoot it back half a foot at a time, since she refused to stand up again.
“Wait, both?” Tony echoed.
“Yes! Both of them!” Darcy confirmed, mistaking confusion for incredulity. “And that’s not even the worst part. I know, that sounds ridiculous. I can already hear you asking ‘but Darcy, what on earth is worse than being dateless?’” Darcy rambled.
“Being in a long-distance relationship?” Jane suggested.
“Which both are we talking about again?” Tony asked.
Darcy ignored them. “Well, I’ll tell you what’s worse than being dateless. Being dateless because the two really sexy guys I like are both self-flagellating, happiness-sacrificing do-gooders with massive hero-complexes who actually do like me but are treating me like a damsel in distress who can’t handle their oh-so-dangerous lives!” She bemoaned, finally returning to the desk just in time to flop dramatically across the top of it, face-down and arms akimbo.
Jane’s face flitted through a myriad of conflicted expression, clearly searching for something inspiring or sympathetic to say, but Tony spoke before she could. “Well that won’t do.” He decided indignantly.
Darcy peeked up at him through lopsided glasses. “You think?” She asked shrewdly.
“You don’t?” Tony shot back.
“I know I’m not a damsel in distress. I tasered Thor, ok? I’m a badass motherfucking bitch. I just didn’t expect Iron Man to think that the dorky side-kick of the fragile-and-breakable girlfriend of the Norse God of Thunder wasn’t a damsel in distress.” Darcy pointed out, lifting her head up, but leaving her arms and shoulders exactly where they were.
Tony looked very conflicted for a moment, then he sighed and sat down on the edge of the desk, head tilted up and eyes focused on the ceiling in a mockery of thought. “Well, if you were just the dorky side-kick of the fragile-and-breakable girlfriend of the Norse God of Thunder, then I might, but you also have Stark genes, so that cancels that right out.”
It took Darcy a moment to register that, because she was gearing herself up to be indignant that Tony even might think she was a damsel in distress. Then the second half of the sentence filtered through, and she froze with her mouth gaping open. She considered the possibility of it being joke, since someone with their own JARVIS could easily find out that there was no father recorded on her birth certificate, but then she dismissed it. Tony’s face was not the face of a man pulling a pretty unkind joke. Not to mention, the timing worked out, she knew her mother had gone to the same university as Tony Stark, and at the same time, if memory served her right. And there was the fact that whenever she’d asked about her father, her mother responded with a flat look and a dry ‘that asshole?’.
“You’re my dad?!” Darcy yelped, breaking the stunned silence.
“Um. Yes.” Tony answered, scrubbing a hand through his hair.
“You are my dad?” Darcy asked again.
Tony pulled an impatient face at her. “Yes.” He repeated. “So it’s obviously genetically impossible for you to be a damsel in distress. And also, now that we’ve got that cleared up, which ‘both’ are we talking about here?”
“Oh no.” Darcy snapped at once, pointing a finger accusingly at Tony. “No, you are not pulling the ‘I get to vet your boyfriends’ card. Nu-uh. No way, mister. That is not going to fly. I am twenty-one now, and I can date whoever I like, thank you very much.”
Tony scowled at her. “Well, yes, but you should at least let me run a background check. If it gets out that you’re my kid, you don’t wanna be dating someone who doesn’t check out.”
“They check out.” Darcy assured him.
“You can’t know that.” Tony retorted.
“I can, actually.” Darcy replied smugly.
Tony narrowed his eyes at her. “…They work for SHIELD, don’t they?” He asked in resignation. Darcy shrugged, expression pointedly noncommittal, and Tony let out a huff of frustration. “At least tell me so I know who to have JARVIS filming for when you kick their asses with your very own Iron Man- or Iron Woman armour, rather.” He tried.
Darcy blinked, thrown for a loop. However, after a moment a smile began to tug at the corners of her lips, and within seconds it had bloomed into a full on grin. “I get my own armour?!” She asked, a little incredulous but mostly just ecstatic. Tony nodded, smiling, and Darcy let out a triumphant whoop, punching the air. “I get my own armour!” She crowed. “Oh! Oh! Please tell me we can call it the Iron Maiden armour!”
Tony grinned. “Consider it done, right J?” He checked.
“Yes, sir.” JARVIS replied, in a deeply long-suffering tone of voice.
“Thanks, buddy. Honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.” Tony mused, then shook his head, dismissing the thought. “So, again; who exactly are we talking about?” He asked, for the fourth time.
“I still don’t think I want to tell you.” Darcy informed him warily.
Tony threw his hands in the air. “I give you armour, and you give me nada. How is that fair?” He complained.
“I’m your daughter. It’s my job to take stuff and give nothing back.” Darcy replied bluntly.
Tony looked surprised for all of a nanosecond, before he grinned at her. Darcy was a little surprised to have that particular smile directed at her. It was the one Tony usually reserved for when JARVIS showed just how human he could be, or when Pepper verbally destroyed people with a polite smile on her face. It was fiercely proud and edged with a vicious spark of protection; a glint of ‘you mess with her, and if she leaves anything of you behind after she’s done wrecking you, I’m going to grind you into dust’.
Darcy couldn’t help but get up, walk around the desk, and hug him. It surprised him. He stood stiff in her hold for a moment, clearly processing. Then he relaxed and hugged her back, just as tight as she was hugging him. When she drew back, he cleared his throat. “So, who’s ass are you going to be kicking with your shiny new Iron Maiden armour?” He asked, for the fifth time.
Darcy sighed, caving, and heard Jane mutter “Oh crap.”
Tony glanced over at her, eyebrows rising and eyes narrowing. “What?”
Jane went a little pink. “Nothing. I just- don’t think you’re going to like the answer very much.” She confessed, then added in a barely audible mutter “God knows I didn’t.”
“Hey, I’ll have you know that they are both fine upstanding gentlemen, who any father would be pleased to see dating their daughter!” Darcy retorted, chin kicking up a notch in defiance and pride.
“Then why are you so hesitant about telling him?” Jane shot back.
Now it was Darcy’s turn to flush, but she set her jaw. “Well, because then it’s just going to get awkward.” She announced, which was obviously only half truthful, and Jane gave her a deeply sceptical look.
Tony looked between them, half worried, half amused. “Ok, I’m really curious now. You have to tell me.” He announced, which was about as close to begging as Tony ever got.
Darcy pulled a face and wouldn’t quite meet his eyes as she stepped back and took a deep breath in preparation of answering his question. “Well, one of them is Bruce. Banner.” She clarified, as if she needed to.
Tony’s first reaction was shock, his brain stalling a little over the idea of his daughter crushing on one of his best friends. Then he actually took a moment to consider the potential it held, and finally managed to understand a little better what Darcy was complaining about. Of course Bruce was going to turn her down. The man barely thought he was allowed friends because of the Hulk. A girlfriend was out of the question. Tony’s opinion, on the other hand, differed. “I approve.” He concluded solemnly.
“You what?” Jane demanded, mostly out of surprise.
Darcy looked equally surprised, but she was beaming with it. “Yes!” She cheered.
“But you might want to use the Hulk-buster armour for kicking his butt.” Tony added to Darcy, who could only laugh, before he turned to Jane. “Of course I approve. Why wouldn’t I approve?” He asked.
“Well, there’s the age difference, for one.” Jane pointed out, as if she thought Tony was dumb for not thinking about that. Which, if he actually hadn’t thought of that, he would have accepted from her – as a fellow scientist and all – but since he had, he was actually rather offended.
“Says the woman dating a man nearly two-thousand years older than her.” He pointed out.
“Ha! That’s what I said!” Darcy announced.
Jane was blushing. “That’s different. Developmentally, Asgardians age much slower than humans do, especially during their adolescence.” She defended uncomfortably. “And, given the rate of decline, I’m going to die long before he does, which is where the problems can really start to manifest.” She added in a slightly distracted ramble.
“I admit I’d be a little worried if Darcy had suggested this five years ago or whatever, but she’s a grown-up now, and she’s fully capable of assessing the long-term consequences of her decisions.” Tony interrupted, shooting Darcy a slightly prompting, teasing look.
“Yes. I am.” Darcy confirmed, hands on her hips. “And I feel I should point out, that since Bruce has a bastardised version of the super-soldier serum in him, it’s entirely possible that he’s not going to age as fast as usual.”
“Excellent point.” Tony acknowledged.
Jane sighed. “Ok, but even putting that aside, what- Well, what about the Hulk?” She asked, a little apologetic, but entirely serious.
Darcy glared at her, and Tony’s face had gone suspiciously neutral. When he spoke, his voice matched, and even Darcy looked a little wary. “Personally,” he began, perfectly mild, “I feel that being an invulnerable giant half the time is a point in his favour. It would be very reassuring, knowing that there’s an enormous green rage monster between my little girl and the rest of the world.”
Darcy looked as though she wanted to be a little offended by that rather damsel-in-distress depiction of her, but was too pleased by that assessment of Bruce to hold onto it. “Can I tell him you said that?” She asked, utterly serious behind the grin she couldn’t quite hold back.
“Sure.” Tony agreed.
“And what if he hurts her?” Jane asked, quiet and gentle.
Tony shrugged, still with that air of faux-casualness that rang of danger. “That’s a risk we all have to take when we play the dating game.” He pointed out, and Jane opened her mouth to point out that having your heart broken was a little different from having your spine broken, but Tony forestalled her. “And besides, if I was going to use that as a reason for Darcy not to date Bruce, it’d make me a giant hypocrite, since I am still dating Pepper.”
“That’s not the same.” Jane said at once. “It’s not as if your suits are going to- to have a nightmare and attack her in the middle of the night!”
When Tony only looked at her, very solemnly, she faltered. “Aren’t they?” He asked coolly. “And how would you know?”
“Well- because they don’t dream, for one.” Jane replied, baffled.
“They’re hooked up to someone who does.” Tony replied, and something bitter and ugly twisted his features for a moment. “And believe me, Padmé, I’ve seen enough to fuel a lifetime’s worth of nightmares.” When Jane had nothing to say to that, Tony visibly packed it away and showed her a smile that was only slightly strained. “Besides, the important thing is that, whether or not I think it’s a good idea, Pepper thinks it’s worth it. She thinks I’m worth it. If Bruce has that in Darcy, I am not going to stand in the way of that.”
Darcy beamed, inordinately pleased. Jane conceded the point with a reluctant nod. “Ok, now tell him about the other one.” She said to Darcy, who faltered.
“Uh…”
“Ok, I’m just going to guess. Is it Justin Hammer? It’s got to be Justin Hammer. I don’t know how you could have met him, but he’s the only nemesis of mine that’s actually still alive, so it’s got to be him if you’re still this hesitant to tell me.” Tony ranted.
“Ew, no!” Darcy cried.
Tony heaved a great sigh of relief. “Good. In that case, know that whoever it is can only go up in my estimation.” He pointed out.
Darcy snorted. “Nick Fury.” She blurted out, with the air of someone ripping off a band-aid because they feared that if they didn’t do it right now, they’d never do it at all.
“Nick Fury?” Tony echoed.
“Yeah.” Darcy confirmed.
“Director of SHIELD; Nick Fury?” Tony asked again.
“Yup.” Darcy nodded.
“Best friends with your grandfather; Nick Fury?” Tony stressed incredulously.
Darcy was a little taken aback. “Uh, yes?” She asked more than stated.
“The lying liar who told us all Coulson was dead? That Nick Fury?” Tony demanded.
Darcy winced. “In his defence, it was Coulson’s idea?” She offered. “But yes.”
Tony paused for a beat, thinking. All in all, he definitely thought Fury was a step down from Bruce, but when he considered all of the myriad other people Darcy could have been crushing on, Fury ranked pretty highly just on the fact Tony knew he could trust him with something as important as the fate of the world. There were so very, very few people on that list, after all. And the knowledge that apparently, Fury was a good enough man to pull a Bruce and refuse Darcy because of the dangers dating him posed to her? Well, that was definitely a point in his favour. “Yeah, ok. On a scale of all the men in the world, you could do so much worse.” He acknowledged. “Approval granted. Reluctantly.”
Darcy laughed in surprised delight and hugged him again. Tony hugged her back, feeling ridiculously warm and fuzzy about the whole thing. Really, it just wasn’t on. Except, it kind of was, since she was his, just like Pepper and JARVIS and Rhodey and Bruce. She was one of his people, so she was allowed to have that kind of power over him. The power to melt him with nothing more than a smile and a hug.
“But yeah, I definitely recommend Bruce out of those two options.” Tony concluded, disentangling himself when the warm fuzzies were getting insufferable.
“I suppose Nick would be easier to get over.” Darcy agreed, a little wistfully. “It feels a little more like crushing on a celebrity than it does with Bruce. He puts so much effort into appearing utterly untouchable, and it kind of works. A little.”
“If he lets you call him ‘Nick’, I definitely think he’s not saying no because he’s not interested.” Tony informed her, his brain breaking a little at the idea of anyone being close enough to Director Fury to call him Nick so casually like that.
Darcy huffed. “I tried to come up with a nickname for him. I was being really creative, too, I had so many cool options, cause he shot down NJ and Nicky, so I had to come up with something else. I liked Blackbeard, cause that’s like, two-for-the-price-of-one. And Herr Baron. I think he was amused by that, but I also don’t know if he got the joke.”
“Girl Genius. Nice.” Tony complimented, then he actually stopped to think about it. “Oh wow, that’s creepy.”
“Uncanny-valley, much, huh?” Darcy agreed. “Floating fortress, built an empire basically from scratch, abandoned his personal life for his job, does his job to keep people safe, really hates politics but is pretty damn good at it, kind of high-handed, really does try to be reasonable until other people prove they won’t be, takes in misfits and treats them with respect… And you know, he actually does really like waffles.” She rattled off, ticking each point off on her fingers.
Tony stared at her. “I don’t want to know how you know about the waffles.” He announced.
Darcy shrugged. “I filled in for his PA when she was on maternity leave. He eats breakfast at work.” She explained.
“I said I didn’t want to know.” Tony informed her distractedly. “Mind if I use that one?” He asked her.
“Sure, go ahead.” Darcy replied magnanimously.
“Putting aside the issue of Baron Fury for the moment,” Tony began, eliciting a snicker from Darcy, “we need to come up with a plan to knock some sense into Bruce. Maybe I can try to talk him around. I talked him into staying here, and that hasn’t blown up spectacularly in his face, so that’s gotta be worth something.”
Darcy frowned. “But if you tell him you’re my dad, he’s going to get all squirmy about the age difference. More than he is already, I mean.”
Tony nodded thoughtfully. “I’m sure I can manage ‘interfering friend’ instead of ‘interfering parent’.” He decided. “I’ll just tell him I overheard you telling Jane all sorts of nice things about him. It’s not technically a lie.” He mused.
“Don’t forget to mention how much I like his hair.” Darcy informed him solemnly. “He threatened to cut it the other day, so make sure you tell him that you heard me telling Jane all about how it’s my favourite feature of his.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask what you like best about Fury, then.” Tony interjected humorously.
“His voice.” Darcy answered immediately, tone edging towards dreamy.
Tony gave her a deeply sceptical look, but decided he didn’t actually want to know any more than that. “Ok. JARVIS, where’s Bruce?” He asked.
“He’s currently in the conference room three floors down, sir.” JARVIS replied promptly.
“What’s he doing down there?” Tony wondered.
“He appears to be waiting to speak with Director Fury, sir.”
“Wait, Fury’s here?” Tony asked, surprised.
“Mm, yeah, he has a meeting with Clint and Natasha.” Darcy informed him. “Apparently he wants them to do some undercover non-Avengers type work, but Clint’s not really keen to go back to the Helicarrier any time soon, so he came here to brief them.”
Tony blinked at her. “How do you know that?”
“I asked.” Darcy informed him smugly.
“Right, well, I’m going to go snoop, and then talk to Bruce. Enjoy your science, Jane. Don’t pester her too much, Darce.” Tony waved over his shoulder as he strolled out of the lab, turning his feet towards an elevator. Mere minutes later, he was stepping out into a hallway that had Bruce – and to his slight annoyance – Fury at the other end. He strolled down to meet them, hoping he wasn’t too late to overhear something interesting.
What he didn’t bargain for was to see Fury smirk in amusement and reach out to put a hand on Bruce’s arm, just above his elbow. It was a familiar, comforting gesture, and Bruce relaxed a fraction at the touch. “-worry, I’ll have someone retrieve it for you.”
Bruce smiled, distinctly relieved. “Thank you, Nick.”
Tony’s steps faltered, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline. Well, that was interesting. Fury spotted him and cast him an amused glance. “It’s no trouble.” Fury assured Bruce, while Bruce looked sceptical. “Stark.” He then greeted dryly.
It took every ounce of Tony’s self-restraint not to use Darcy’s nickname. He was pretty sure Fury would recognise it, and then Bruce would know he’d been talking to Darcy, instead of just overhearing. “It’s so nice to know when I get visitors in my tower.” He remarked instead.
“I like to keep you on your toes, Stark.” Fury replied mildly, then turned back to Bruce. “I’ll see you later, Bruce.” Bruce nodded to him, and Fury gripped his arm a little tighter for a fraction of a second before letting go. Then he turned on his heel and strode off, coat flapping majestically behind him.
“So, is Nick the real reason you turned Lewis down?” Tony asked innocently.
Bruce went pink, and wordlessly mouthed at Tony for a moment before closing his eyes as if pained and visibly fighting for calm. “What, exactly, are you trying to imply? And how did you know about that?”
“I’m implying that I may or may not have overheard a little birdie bemoaning the fact that you rejected her. And it was the elbow-touching that gave it away, really, but then you called him Nick, and that was just indecent out in public like this. Bruce, I’m scandalised.” Tony replied, deliberately misinterpreting his question.
“That is not-!” Bruce began, then cut himself off. “That’s his name, you know, Tony. And if you weren’t so deliberately antagonistic, he might have mentioned that to you.”
“I do know his name, you know. He was a good friend of my dad’s, back in the day.” Tony reminded him. “But even my old man never called him ‘Nick’. At least, not to me, anyway. With his reputation, I wouldn’t have been surprised if-”
“Don’t finish that sentence.” Bruce warned.
“Jealous?” Tony teased.
“For god’s sake, Tony!” Bruce huffed.
Tony stopped pushing for the moment, not particularly wanting to interrupt this conversation with Mean-N-Green just yet. He let Bruce get his equilibrium back, before speaking again, a little more seriously. “I find it very interesting that that was what you chose to focus on, by the way, and not the pretty little Miss Lewis, who happens to be very interested in you, from what I heard.” He pointed out.
“Because I don’t actually want to talk about that, Tony.” Bruce informed him wearily.
“So you’d rather talk about Nick?” Tony asked.
Bruce closed his eyes as though praying for patience. “What would you like me to say, Tony?” He asked, a touch of impatience colouring his voice. “Yes, I like him. I’d like to consider him a friend. Is that such a surprise to you?”
“Only because he generally seems extremely unapproachable.” Tony explained, sensing a hint of accusation in Bruce’s last question.
“He was the first person with that sort of power to treat me like a human being, and not a commodity. He also respects just how much damage the Hulk can do.” The look he cast Tony, pointed and fond all at once, spoke volumes. “I figured out of everyone in the world I could try and make friends with first, he would be a pretty safe bet. If- it goes wrong, at least I know he’ll be ready for it.”
“What about me? I thought I was your first friend?” Tony pouted.
Bruce smiled wearily. “Yes, but that was all your doing, I just had to go along for the ride. Isn’t that what you said?” He asked, almost teasing.
Tony nodded. “Accepted. But anyway, back to the point.” He announced, hoping to keep Bruce a little off kilter. Unfortunately, he looked more resigned than surprised. “Lewis.”
“I’m not- interested, Tony.” Bruce sighed.
“Ok, now that is a blatant lie.” Tony retorted, crossing his arms across his chest and frowning at Bruce. “You are so interested, or you wouldn’t be so averse to talking about it. So seriously, what’s the problem? She likes you. She really likes you. And you like her, at least a little. Seems like simple chemistry to me.”
“That was an awful joke.” Bruce informed him. Tony shrugged and raised his eyebrows pointedly, and Bruce relented. “You know what the problem is, you just won’t admit that it’s a problem.” He said, snapping a little.
“I know what you think is the problem, but I really think you ought to give Lewis more credit than that.” Tony replied. “She knows who you are, she knows who you hang out with, she knows what you’re capable of, and she’s still interested.” Tony paused, reaching out to grab Bruce by the shoulders to make sure he was listening. “Trust me, Bruce, that doesn’t happen very often. You should treasure it.”
Bruce blinked in surprise, but then the resolve hardened behind his eyes, and Tony almost cursed. “Knowing and seeing are two very different things. I do treasure it, you know. I-” He cut himself off, and for a moment, Tony saw genuine hurt on his face. “It means a lot to me, Tony, when people can look at me, and not see just a flimsy human shell for the Other Guy.” He paused and smiled sadly down at his hands. “Especially when she can look at me and see something…” He trailed off, apparently not having the right word, but Tony understood anyway.
“And you’re just going to give up?” Tony asked sadly.
“It’s not giving up, it’s just… I’d rather someone that kind be alive in this world and making it better. That’s all.” Bruce explained.
“That’s bullshit.” Tony replied quietly. Bruce frowned, mostly in concern, because that tone coming from Tony was never a good sign, but also in confusion. “It’s her life, Bruce. If she- if she wants to waste it on an idiot like you, then that’s her choice. And if you really think she’s that amazing, you should let her. Respect her choices, because since she’s not the one throwing herself between various megalomaniacs and whatever part of the world they’re trying to take over, she’s obviously the smart one out of the two of you.”
“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.” Bruce mused quietly.
Tony considered that deflection – it was a good one, very subtle – and decided to accept it, he’d already pushed enough for the moment. “Speaking from experience, I guess.” He replied with a shrug, letting go of Bruce.
“Pepper?” Bruce asked, smiling.
“Pepper.” Tony confirmed.
Bruce sighed softly and deeply, brow slightly furrowed in thought. Then he swallowed, and peeked up at Tony almost shyly. “You… said you heard her talking about me?” If Tony didn’t have some shred of dignity, he probably would have crowed. As it was, he settled for a wide grin that was an answer all on it’s own. “What did she say?”
“She called you a hero.” Tony offered, paraphrasing just a little. “And she very emphatically likes your hair. And she seems to have a bit of a thing for the self-sacrificing martyr type, because she sounded a bit grudgingly impressed when she was complaining about your reason for turning her down, so you haven’t completely blown your chances.”
Bruce was going pink again. Self-consciously, he ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it up a bit. “My hair?” He echoed, confused. “Why- I was thinking of getting it cut. It gets in the way, like this.” He admitted ruefully.
Tony slung an arm over his shoulder. “You want my advice, Brucie?” He asked, but didn’t give Bruce a chance to respond in case he said no. Which he looked like he might, just to annoy Tony. “If you want her to not be sulky and mad enough to get petty revenge, leave your hair alone. I don’t think I’d like to see the Hulk on laxatives.”
Bruce shuddered. “Thank you so much, Tony, for that mental image.” He murmured ironically.