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It's simple, it's easy. He's content and they rarely fight. There are only a handful of times they've ever really argued. But Seungmin was quick to swallow his pride and apologize. They were "perfect" together. His mother and father really like her and she was clearly very much in love with him.
He loved her as well.
-
"Seungmin, I love you."
"I love you too, Jinnie."
-
"You know it'll always be you."
"Do I? We'll never be the same as them. We'll never be able to-"
He shushes him softly, Hyunjin's emotions overcoming him as they stare into one another's worlds and know that this was never going to happen. This was never going to end how they wanted.
-
"Kim Seungmin~" he says it like a distant memory. It feels like ages ago but right. Oh so right.
"When did you start smoking?"
"Just every once in awhile, usually when I drink." he chuckles.
It's almost like deja vu. The way he's stood easily against the wall and looking as if he belongs. He looks perfect anywhere.
"What about you? Why are you out here?"
"Some air. I don't drink much so I was getting a little too drunk too fast." He sighs, taking a deep breath through his nose.
"How's Yujin?"
It's innocent. He knows that Hyunjin isn't asking for any ulterior motives, simply making conversation. But his mind and his heart fight to make sense of the way Hyunjin's smile dissappeared. He's not usually one to pretend. But Seungmin knows that he'd pretend for him.
"She's good. The baby's healthy, it's weird to think I'll be a father...am a father."
It's silent. The distant noise of cars and voices down the alley. It's snowing just enough that it lingers for a bit on the ground, on their hair and on their clothes.
"You'll be a great father, Kim Seungmin."
He turns to him. Finds his eyes are soft, his smile genuine and it's suddenly a little harder to breathe. The smoke in his lungs and the chill piercing deep inside.
"Thanks."
-
"Everything okay?" Hyunjin is standing at the doorway, peering into the room hesitantly.
Seungmin turns from the mirror and stares straight at him.
"Yeah."
He's slipping into the room and slowly shutting the door behind him, footsteps just barely loud enough to hear over the rush of blood in his ears. The way his pulse excelerates and bounds endlessly inside his body.
"You're doing the right thing."
"i know."
He's getting closer and he can feel every muscle in his body screaming at him to move as well.
"I love you." Hyunjin whispers.
He shakes his head, holding back the sob that he wants to let out into the tiny space between them.
"Would you hate me if I asked for one last kiss?"
"I could never hate you."
Not even moments later will he be kissing his future wife. At the alter. In front of everyone he's ever known.
-
Jeongin is holding Felix's hand under the table. And Seungmin knows it. As they always have since returning home together.
At some point, Felix went back home to continue his studies and reconnect with his family. Jeongin followed, staying with Chan for awhile, pretending to want to expand his horizons. He got better at English and Seungmin noticed how easily they could converse, if anything he was far better then Seungmin.
But the walls came crumbling down one night when Felix called him, it was rare for them to call unless it was a special occasion. Felix admitted they'd kissed. Admitted he's had confusing feeling towards the younger man since they were all together.
Seungmin didn't know what to say. He couldn't say he related. But, much later, he surmised that Felix probably knew. Probably knew all along what was going on and what had happened over the years.
He watches as Jeongin asks Felix if he wants his usual, a chocolate smoothie. He nods, smiles softly as the younger man gets up from the table. Felix's hand reaches, as if asking him not to go. Jeongin, the boy who hated skinship, reaches back to squeeze reassurance into their touch.
"Hyung, do you want anything?"
"No, you guys make me feel full enough."
He rolls his eyes as he walks away.
"So how's the family? I can't believe you're already on to having your second! Is Hayeonnie even aware she'll have a sibling?"
-
He get's the invitation to Hyunjin's wedding on a Thursday morning. They rarely get any physical mail. So it was a bit of a shock.
"Oh? Did you know Hyunjin was getting married?"
He tries not to whip his head up at the mention of Hyunjin and wedding in one sentence. Guilt forever hung on those two words.
"Had no idea, didn't even realize he was seeing someone."
"Kim InYoung."
He nods, looking at his tablet without really looking at it. She must be beautiful, kind and caring. She must be everything Hyunjin needs.
The smile blooming on his face feels strange.
"Good for him. Should we go?"
"Of course! He's also asked you to be one of his best men."
-
"Hyunjin?"
He's still handsome, even more handsome somehow. All these years.
"Seungminnie."
He tightens his grip on the suitcase in his hands, steeling himself.
"Let's run away."
He thinks about all the possibilities. They could move to America, he could set up an office. His kids are old enough now and he's positive Yujin has been seeing someone else anyways.
Hyunjin laughs, straight from the belly.
"I'm just kidding."
-
Seungmin can feel himself dreaming, knows it's all just pictures moving behind his eyelids. Lives he could've lived or has already lived. At this point, he has no idea what the truth is. But all he can see is the cresented eyes of a soft smile directed right at him, one that almost feels like it's just for him.
-
Kim Seungmin. A singer, songwriter, lawyer, beloved husband and even more loving father.
Last words, "Jinnie."