Chapter Text
Louis had been searching for too long, but he couldn't find Harry.
"Harry!"
"Harry!"
"I give up, come out now" A high-pitched voice.
"I win again!" shout out Harry. Harry Styles. A very small boy, with quite short hair and a small fringe. Bright blue shirt, brighter under the sun, and yet brighter teeth. Poking out of the tree, running on the soft green grass, with his small arms flaying, at the call of his lost and defeated partner, Louis Tomlinson.
Louis, slightly taller than him, with tired eyes and side-swept hair, thin body, and delicate for everything. He walks up to his friend, trotting and galloping. He is 6, just and year or, a few months older than Harry, who is 5. They have been together since the dawn of their life. They saw nothing, except each other and it was enough. Naive as it must sound, but as young as they are, as innocent they were, the more beautiful it stays. As long as it is.
Louis runs up and hugs him, "I thought I lost w-you," he said, not too quietly.
"You always think that" Harry laughed, patting Louis' shoulders. "Let's play again, I'll find you this time" Harry promised.
"Fine" Louis said, and covered Harry's eyes with his hand. And then ran off.
Harry sat down facing the tree, trying to block out as much sight as possible, as to follow the rules. He adjusted himself. But instead of counting, he started to sing. Singing out loud. His favorite melody over and over again, in his little voice. Echoing around a small radius. He sang and sang until he was convinced that Louis had enough time. Then, he smiled and cleared his throat. He got up to start finding him. It was quite easy to find him, as Harry thought, maybe because Louis didn't want Harry to think or worry too much about him. But Harry didn't perfectly understand that, yet.
And sure enough, about 5 minutes later, Louis was standing in front of him, hands crossed behind him and swaying around.
"My turn to hide again!" Harry exclaims, beaming and all, ready to run away as Louis loses sight of him. "Don't cheat!" He warned, in a way, no one would take him seriously.
"No!" Louis exclaims in return, pouting. "I du-don't want play anymore. I u-always lose" Louis says loudly, but yet, it is true. He never wins against Harry. It's either that Harry is too good at this game. But Louis thinks it's because he's not good enough. So he stands there, his bare feet on the cold grass pointing towards Harry. He grasped Harry's wrist and said.
"Let's sit" He mused. Harry didn't want to sit but yet he found himself being willing dragged by Louis under the shady tree, giving the view of the bluest skies and greenest grass, the butterflies and the clear sky, of Louis to Harry and Harry to Louis.
Harry sat beside Louis and spread his short legs just like Louis did and rested his palms on the soft and cold grass.
"I like this" Louis said, moving his feet sideways and looking up, at the sky. Which was pale and clear blue, just as the color of Louis' eyes. Whereas Harry's eyes matched the grass at the bottom.
They sat, there, for quite a while, saying nothing to each other, just admiring the butterflies, the sky, the grass, the trees, and everything beautiful. Swaying their feet, nodding their head, rested on their palm, staring, eyes big. It was simply a beautiful day to exist. The sun poured softly over their delicate skin, their eyes glinted, the smell as though brushed against them.
"Let's go home," Harry said after a while. Sitting around like that never interested him, unless it consisted of seeing Louis or talking to him because Louis was ever so quiet. Louis felt warm as a feeling rather than a sensation, but Harry yet hadn't discovered it.
They were too young to understand what they had, they had something many fought to achieve, the peace with each other. The peace and comfort in them were unnoticed by either of them, but this was what anyone would see who had better knowledge of the world, better knowledge about the truth of identity.
"Okay," Louis said, although he didn't want to leave. But he didn't want to sit there without Harry either, who would surely leave even if Louis didn't come with him.
So they both got up and brushed themselves clean. Harry put his arm around Louis, so Louis replicated it and placed his arm around Harry's shoulders. They looked at each other and smiled.
And like that, they ran home.
***
Louis:
Louis runs a few steps with Harry from the shared garden from their houses, to his own house. And stands there, bidding Harry goodbye from a few yards away, his neighboring house. When he has bid a reasonable goodbye, he stands facing the house to his own door. He raises his hands and raps his little knuckles on the wooden door, as he is too short to reach the calling bell. This is also a convenient way to let his mother, Jay Tomlinson, that it was her son, looking for entry, and she always, always opened the door to him. Louis had always wanted to use the doorbell, but whenever he tried, he always found that it was out of his reach. His mother explained that he would be able to do it when he's older.
And as always his mother opened the door.
"Hi ma!" he greeted his mother as he entered his house.
"Good afternoon Louis, come on we're ready for lunch" his mother smiled at him as a greeting, ushering him into the house, and Louis was carried in with his short legs.
Louis started to wash his legs and feet as his mom had taught him when he had for the first time gone out of his house, to the front garden unaccompanied. Since then, this monotone has continued and it became a part of his little life.
After this little ritual, Louis sat down next to his mother, who had already served his food on the table and was sitting there, waiting for him. He was ready to tell his day's little details to his mother, as he started to eat in an inexpert manner.
"Today Harry and me y-were playi-" Louis began excitedly
"Speak properly and clearly, you can if you try" his mother interrupted.
Louis had fluency disorder. He couldn't pronounce certain words while in a sentence, which he could pronounce as a single word, and had an uncontrolled speed of talking which made it difficult to understand his speech, his voice sounded too harsh for his age. And this was not at all because of his young age as it was discovered by everyone time ago.
"Sorry, I was playing with hal-haw-Harry, today and-"Louis began his new trial, but yet he was interrupted by his mother again.
"Speak slower" Jay ordered.
Louis just briefly finished his story, reciting it at a sinisterly low pace. His mother wasn't quite satisfied with this but she didn't interrupt him this time. He summarized his experience, instead of the long description he had planned like it always ended up as. But he still liked talking to his mother no matter what it ended like.
Maybe this was the reason he was quiet because he feared someone would not like him if he opened his mouth, so, he tried to keep his quiet as much as possible. Maybe then no one would point out anything about him then.
Louis finished his lunch quickly and untidily. And then looked at his mother, expecting the same question as always.
"Do you have any homework from school?" she asked
"No" Louis replied truthfully
Jay considered him for a while and when she decided that he was telling the truth, she relaxed. One thing about Louis was that he never lied, he might avoid the truth or skip facts if he doesn't want to mention that, but he doesn't lie or tell incorrect facts. Jay had noticed this upon him and trusted him along as convincing. Jay believed that Louis would retain thus the quality of his throughout life, or she just hoped as such.
"I am going out for a walk now, would you like to come with me?" Jay asked as she saw that his lunch was over and he had no homework, Louis saw this as a sweet deal.
"Yes," so he replied already getting up, ready to wash his hands and leave with his mother for the walk. He figured he might also meet Harry
So ten minutes later son and mother were standing in front of the door through which Louis had just entered. Stepping out in the sun, which was more orange, but yet hot and prickly. And the flowers yet bloom and the wind softly hit their faces, the sun making their eyes squint, even under the dark canopy of the trees.
His mother started to lead him nowhere, he didn't really know where she was going or taking him, but he figured she would take care of him, so he followed her excitedly as his short legs could not carry him as fast as his mother's. Her mother walked with an energetic gait while Louis almost ran behind her, clutching her hand.
They walked silently till Louis had to ask where they were going because they had been walking for a long time with no potential destination.
"Where we going?" Louis asked, perhaps his mother didn't notice that Louis missed the word or contraction 'are'.
"We will reach there, in no time, don't worry" Jay assured him.
But this, instead of comforting him, tensed him up. He didn't know that she and he were going with a destination in mind? He only thought that they were going for a little walk in the park, in the sun, but now he had an unknown endpoint to look forward to.
His walking tensed a bit, but he did not know where he would go if he didn't go with his mother, so, unwillingly yet, he followed his mother. Maybe asking again would help. Perhaps not.
"Where are we going?" Louis said, as slow as possible, as clear as possible, and passably succeeding too, as his mother didn't interrupt.
"You'll know soon dear" Jay replied, trying to be deliberately clear in speech.
Louis wasn't giving up
"What is the name of the place, mum" He twisted his question, speaking yet so slowly.
"Don't worry" she said, reaching down to pat his arm, "You're with me, you'll be fine" she smiled and said.
Louis did not understand, why didn't she tell him the name of the place?
"I don't wano go there," he said, not so slow this time
"Why?" Jay frowned at him
"Because you won't tell me," Louis said, in a little voice, in his little voice
"You'll be fine" was all Jay said before she increased her speed and Louis had now actually started to run behind her.
Louis although apprehensive, trusted his mother quite well. So he although grudgingly, although unwillingly, went behind her without any further protests.
None of them had spoken much except that little interrogation, about the whereabouts of the place they were headed to. Louis didn't usually go on walks with his mother, she rarely left him unsupervised. So he was quite used to his mother's company.
His mother started to hum a tune to a song that he had heard somewhere. It was quite pleasant, they were on the road now, cars, bikes, vehicles, and passersby passing them. Louis held his mother's hand tighter and continued walking, jogging.
A few minutes later, her mother started to slow down, maybe they had reached the destination. And sure enough, Jay said
"Here we are" turning herself and Louis to face the white, depressing looking building, a hospital
Louis watched, looking livid, frowning deeply as though the frown would settle on his face. Maybe, Jay read this expression
"But I had to, your speech makes you have no playmates," Jay said sadly, dragging him in.
***
Harry:
Harry saw Louis waiving at him, before entering his own house. So Harry smiled and waved his little hands in farewell. And then he rapped his knuckles on his door just as Louis did, and his door was opened before Louis' did, so he waited until Louis' door was opened.
"Hey Harry!" the caretaker greeted enthusiastically and ushered him in. His mom had again been out and Harry had to wait.
"When mom comes she'll give you food, she'll be back soon," The caretaker said kindly when Harry didn't greet her back.
He just walked to his room, adorned with colorful wallpaper, green walls, and scarlet floor and ceiling, dim light, and tidy bed, probably done by the caretaker. A wooden closet and small desk with a chair stood beside the door
He opened his closet and took out a book. He carried that book to his bed and slowly started to open it just as the doorbell rang again.
It had to be his mother, so excitement rekindling again, he abandoned the book carelessly and he rushed to the door, arms open, as he heard his mother and the caretaker exchange words inaudible to him.
"Hi, Harry!" Anne exclaimed excitedly at the sight of him, as Harry ran ahead and hugged her.
"Hi mom" he greeted back now, the caretaker smiled
"C'mon I'll set up the lunch for you" Anne gestured at the table, and proceeded to take the seat.
Anne came moments later, with hands laden with utensils. She laid them on the table and started to serve them out for two, the caretaker had already gone. She handed Harry his plate and spoon and sat down beside him with her own.
"How was your day today?" Anne shifted comfortably in her seat and asked the usual. Harry started to tell her everything slowly, explaining the moments he liked and giving everything a version of his own
"Good day," said Anne
"Today I had gone on a date with Earl" Anne began her day's proceedings.
"He was late, and" Anne's face grew sadder, "He said I was being too dramatic and I need to learn how to calm down" Anne sobbed.
Harry didn't know how to respond or what to tell, he was too young to understand such deep things and yet he listened to his miserable mother.
"He would talk about me loudly in the restaurant and would not listen to me" Anne sobbed further. Harry looked sad at this, he did not know what to do except pat his mother's arm in a reassuring gesture, which did no good.
Harry had had more knowledge of how to deal with people and how to understand emotions, although he was so young. It was all because his mother would cry about and tell such complicated matters to him. His mother usually needed more comfort than him on many occasions. And he had quite learned how to do it. And today also, his mother recited events that never happened to him nether anyone talked about it to him except his mother.
"...and then I came back because I knew you needed me and I shouldn't leave you alone" Anne sobbed the hardest yet.
Harry didn't really know who Earl was or what did he want from his mother, or what should his mother do next, all he felt was all this would not come to an end with his efforts.
Anne was silenced, and so was Harry, and then they ate in silence, slowly. It took them half an hour collectively to finish the supper. In the end, both of their spoons clanked the surface of their plates. Anne looked up and scrunched her nose.
"Would you like to go grocery shopping with me now?" Anne asked as she and he had finished.
Harry thought for a while, he had absolutely no reason to accept the offer, and yet, absolutely no reason to deny it either.
"Okay," he said as his mother started to leave her seat.
20 minutes later, she and Harry, dressed, were ready to leave the place. Anne locked the door and then Harry took her hand and then both started to walk towards the known route.
They walked for a few minutes, saying not much, Anne greeting a few passersby and Harry watching the cars and bikes zoom by, meeting a few familiar, few unfamiliar faces. It was a sunny day, a good day. Until he sees someone, someone known too well to him, walking exactly like he is, except they are crying and looking miserable. And Harry's body jerked in instinct to them
***
"No, pu-please don't, I don't wo-want to, please!" Harry heard Louis cry out, as his mother tried to drag him harshly, looking tired and angry. Harry and Anne saw this unfold.
Louis and Jay had come back from a therapist. The therapist told Jay things about him in front of him that Louis never wanted to hear, and hoped these new words would never find his ears again. The therapist continued, both his mother and him being quite insensitive to how Louis felt.
The therapist said things like that about his mental health, about him being mentally ill and many technical terms that would hurt much if Louis understood them, and his mother heard everything of it with rapt attention, not caring how miserable he felt beside her, in the clean, white clinic. And now his mother was taking him to a place, but she again hadn't told him where or why she was taking him. He had heard the prescriptions.
"Stop screaming!" Jay hushed quietly, now he and Anne were reasonably close to the pair. Harry didn't like seeing all this, he wanted to help Louis by all means and he was going to do it.
He quickly got rid of his mother's grasp.
Anne gave a shocked gasp and saw Harry rush forward to the rebellious duo before she could register what happened.
"Stop!" Harry screamed valiantly, but still, no one would take him seriously.
He got closer, now quite close, and repeated louder "STOP!" still no effect. So he did what was only left that would help.
He dashed ahead and slipped between Jay and Louis forcibly. Jay looked taken aback and frowned, as though she had finally noticed him. She stopped abruptly.
"Harry!" Louis exclaimed, whimpering
"What are you doing here?" Jay exclaimed louder
"Don't do that to him" Harry protested. Still, no expected result
"Get out of the way now," Jay said wearily and walked past him easily, Harry turned abruptly and was ready to get between them again, and stay there as long as it took to get what he wanted, to all of it to stop. Until a hand clutched his arm tightly and he had to halt suddenly.
"What are you doing? come with me" Anne whispered angrily
"No! stop Mrs. Tomlinson!" He said, his gaze focused on the pair, slowly moving away from them.
"Stop it, come on we're going home" Anne declared crossly, before lifting Harry in her arms so he could not run away and carried him to their house that way.
The last thing Harry saw before crying himself was the helpless and tear-stained Louis finally giving up against his mother and letting her drag him away from Harry.