Work Text:
Honey it's you, sweet baby
I will never be free from your embrace, sweet baby
Only hoping it's not too late to try again
"Sweet Baby" by Stanley Clark, George Duke
It was an amicable break up. Both of them agreed that it was for the best, considering that they had the group to focus on especially with their careers as SB19 seemingly started to gain speed overnight. Requests for live performances and interviews started coming in, and they’ve all had to try and scramble to catch up with just how quickly their lives turned around.
However, though it was amicable, it didn’t mean that breaking up didn’t hurt. There were moments when Justin would naturally gravitate towards him and raise a hand to place on the small of his back, but Josh would always see the last minute hesitation, as if Justin was reminding himself that he couldn’t do that action now, and so he always settled with placing his hand on Josh’s shoulders or not at all. There were also moments that Josh would just lean into Justin’s space, and it would have been so easy to just capture his lips in a kiss, but then he’d remember that he couldn’t. They missed each other, missed how easy it was to just end the day in each other’s arms, thinking about a future together they could only dream of back then.
But, they had their careers to focus on. Sure, they were plenty affectionate even during interviews, always in each other’s personal space even when they had no need to be, but Justin was still his best friend. Justin was still his person, the one he’d go to when he had a rough day, and vice versa. They still spent a lot of time together, even with the palpable tension between them, but they figured they’d use the opportunity to continue strengthening their friendship, to have each other’s backs and support each other no matter what, even if they weren’t in a relationship anymore.
Thing is, though, Josh doesn’t ever think he’ll be able to let go of Justin, can’t imagine a life without him there in some capacity. He doesn’t know what Justin’s thinking, but over the years, he’s gotten good at reading Justin’s body language. He’d sometimes see Justin’s eyes linger on him a little too long, and there are times when Justin would just reach out for him and pull him close even with a camera on them, so Josh could safely make assumptions.
They’ve never really talked about it, though, why they decided that breaking up was a good idea in the first place, but with their lives getting increasingly busier by the day, they haven’t had the opportunity to sit down and talk.
Which leads to right now.
They’re in Siargao for vacation, with Stell and Pablo and three-fifths of The Juans. Josh is still wide awake in their hotel room, and he could hear Japs across the room snoring softly, fast asleep, completely dead to the world and to Josh’s inner turmoil.
Because he and Justin were sharing a bed, and sometime during the night, Justin had rolled over and curled up against Josh’s side, sniffling cutely in his sleep as he slung an arm over Josh’s waist and pulled him close. They had fallen asleep on opposite sides of the bed, trying to keep a modicum of distance between them, but apparently, their bodies didn’t get the memo, and they just started to gravitate towards one another, seeking each other out even in their dreams apparently.
And God, Josh doesn’t ever want to untangle himself from where he’s at right now. Having Justin close to him, holding him close, it was everything he missed. He remembers those moments, years ago, when he’d have Justin in his arms and the younger boy would fall asleep while Josh carded his fingers through his hair.
The bedside clock tells him that it’s nearly 4am, and he is aware they have a long day ahead of them, so Josh decides to try and get a few more hours of sleep.
He doesn’t disentangle himself from Justin, though. Instead, he moves closer and wraps his arms around Justin, pulling him in so that Justin’s face is tucked into his neck. For the first time in years, Josh feels at peace.
He only wishes that it were true.
He blinks his eyes open a few hours later only to see Justin looking tenderly down at him. He had moved so that he was now lying on top of Josh, his chin resting on Josh’s chest, tracing patterns on the exposed skin. They’re still curled into each other, and Josh could feel that their legs had tangled beneath the sheets.
“Good morning,” he rasps out, and Justin’s lips curve into a smile.
“Good morning to you,” Justin replies, still tracing patterns on Josh’s chest with his fingers. “Japs left an hour ago, said he wanted to meet up with the others before breakfast to watch the sunrise.”
“You didn’t join them?” Josh asked him, his arms automatically wrapping around Justin to keep him steady.
Justin shakes his head. “Nah, I said I’ll stay here and wait for you to wake up.”
They lapse back into silence, but it’s not uncomfortable. Josh could hear the soft waves of the sea outside, and there was some chatter of people getting ready to start the day. He knows they have a lot to do, and a lot of places to be at during their stay, but he doesn’t want to move from this spot. It’s been years since he had Justin this close to him, and his heart yearns for him, yearns to have this a regular occurrence again. He misses Justin so much, misses them, and moving from the bed meant breaking that illusion he had so carefully crafted in the past few hours.
“What are you thinking?” Justin asked, his voice reverberating throughout his chest. He hasn’t stopped tracing patterns over Josh’s chest, and it doesn’t seem likely that he will anytime soon, not that Josh wants him to.
They were alone now, just the two of them, away from the city and away from the world in general. Josh doesn’t know where he finds the courage, but he does, and he looks Justin in the eyes. “I miss this,” he says, rubbing his hands up and down Justin’s back. “I miss us. I miss you.”
Justin thankfully doesn’t pull away, and Josh’s heart flutters in his chest when Justin smiles sweetly back at him.
“I miss us too,” Justin informs him after a few beats. “I miss you, most of all. I know we weren’t ever really apart, but…I still miss you.”
They stay there, regarding each other with a bit of caution. Neither of them are pulling away, which Josh feels is a good sign. He takes a moment to think back to years ago. They were both still young - Justin barely out of his teens, and Josh in his early twenties - when they decided to put a stop to their relationship. A lot has happened since then. Their careers took off, they grew up, and with time came wisdom and an understanding they didn’t have before. They’ve forged a stronger friendship, and Josh is confident that even if they don’t become something more, that Justin would still be in his life, and they’d still have each other.
But the thing is, Josh still wants more. He wants the early morning kisses, falling asleep together, holding Justin in his arms and promising him the world, a future for the both of them. He misses loving Justin so wholly, and he doesn’t think he ever really stopped.
Neither of them could figure out who moved first, but in an instant, their lips met in a soft kiss. Josh’s lips part easily, and Justin lets out a muffled moan as they move against each other, years of holding back being unleashed in one tender moment of coming home. Josh feels like he’s coming back alive in this moment, pressing love against Justin’s lips like the past few years never happened.
They allow themselves to get lost in the kiss, parting only every few moments to breathe before their lips meet again.
“God, I missed you so much,” Justin whines against his lips. They pull apart for a moment, foreheads pressed together as their eyes meet.
“I missed you too, baby,” Josh murmurs, pressing another kiss to his lips before he sits up. “How crazy is that? We haven’t really been apart, but I still missed you all the same.”
Justin crawls onto his lap in response, and Josh’s hands immediately fly to his hips to steady him. He looks up at Justin, hope bubbling up in his chest as Justin leans down to kiss him again. His hands crawl up Justin’s shirt, and he starts tracing patterns with his fingers against the bare skin.
“But we were apart,” Justin said after they pulled away. “I couldn’t hold you like I wanted to, and I couldn’t kiss you like we did before. God, why did we have to break up?”
And well, Josh didn’t have a good answer for that. They used to say it was for the group, so they could focus, but being apart from Justin was still killing him, and he hated every second of pretending that he didn’t love Justin.
“It was a stupid idea, huh?” He says, and Justin nods. “I can’t think of a good reason, really, but you must know I never stopped loving you all these years. In fact, I think I just kept falling in love with you, and I’m still falling in love with you.”
Justin smiles at that. “I never stopped loving you, either. I just hope it’s…it’s not too late to try again?” He asks hopefully.
“You- you want to try again?” Josh asks him.
Justin just kisses him again before pulling him into a hug. “I want us again, Josh. I want you. You’re my best friend, my person, the love of my goddamn life. I don’t want to wake up another day without you knowing that.”
And Josh just can’t help the smile that breaks across his face, threatening to split his face in two.
“Good,” he says against Justin’s lips as he pulls him again for a kiss. “Because I don’t ever plan on letting you go again.”
And that one early morning together in Siargao is all it takes for them to realize that their relationship was never really over, but only set aside. One moment is all it takes for them to try again.
It’s a moment that Josh will never ever take for granted ever again.