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It was almost 10:00pm by the time Arizona dragged her tired self through the front door of her and Callie’s house. It had been a very tough day with lots of emotions being stirred up, bad memories floating to the surface, and old wounds being torn open. Even though it had been three years now, Arizona was still surprised how easily today’s casualty had affected her.
“Arizona?” came Callie’s voice from the kitchen, accompanied by the clinking of glass against glass “Is that you?”
“Yeah, hi” Arizona called back, dropping her purse by the door and kicking her shoes off “I’m home.”
The blonde made her way to the kitchen, discovering Callie with two glasses of wine in her hands, holding one of them out for Arizona. This gesture put a small smile on Arizona’s face.
“Oh, this is exactly what I need now. You’re a godsend, Calliope” she said, gratefully accepting the glass and taking a generous sip.
Callie chuckled, barely audible. “Well, a plane went down today” she pointed out the very shocking event of the day “I figured alcohol was the least I could give you.”
Arizona chuckled, too, a slight sarcastic undertone swinging her voice. “The very least” she agreed, bringing the glass to her lips again.
She walked over to the living room couch, sitting down with a deep sigh. She was so exhausted she could feel it in her bones. A plane crash alone would have been enough, but a plane crashing right into a prenatal yoga course was a whole different story. Arizona had been on her feet non-stop since 9:00am. She was genuinely unsure if she had ever taken a five-minute-break and sat down today. She simply couldn’t remember, but judging by the throbbing pain in her residual limb, the answer was most likely no.
Discarding her wine glass onto the little coffee table in front of her, she pulled her jeans off. Her fingers immediately found the velcro straps holding her prosthetic leg in place and pulled at them to get it off, her usually swift movements slightly slower because she was so drained.
“Ice pack?” Callie guessed as she saw her wife working to get her leg off.
Arizona just nodded, trying to massage her sore limb without causing more pain. Callie returned with the requested ice pack just seconds later, plopping down on the couch next to Arizona.
“Here you go. Ice pack” she said as she handed the item to her wife, who instantly placed it on her left thigh, hissing in pain at the contact.
Callie winced in sympathy. She didn’t need to spend the whole day by Arizona’s side to know that today was probably a really hard day for her and that on days like this one, Arizona tended to get so wrapped up in her patients that she forgot to even think about herself. She knew Arizona too well.
“You okay?” Callie then asked and it was clear that she was not referring to the physical discomfort in Arizona's leg.
The physical pain was something she could get rid of easily, or at least decrease it. What worried her more was her wife’s mental state after a day like the one they’d just had. Even for her, it hadn’t been easy and she hadn’t been anywhere near the plane. She couldn’t begin to imagine what it must have been like for the people who had been on the plane and had physically lived through the horrors of the plane crash, not that she would ever want to know what that felt like.
Arizona shrugged. She wasn’t really sure if she was okay. She was surprisingly calm and collected, but she definitely did not feel her best right now. It was probably understandable, but that didn’t mean it bothered her any less.
“Alex kept hovering today” the blonde said after a few moments of silence, her voice sounding almost amused at the fact.
She did feel bad for snapping at him, though, especially because she hadn’t found an opportunity to apologize to him yet. The poor guy was probably just trying to look out for her and she nearly ripped his head off for it.
“Really? Hm, kinda not surprising” Callie mused “I guess he was trying to make himself feel better.”
Arizona almost hummed in agreement until she realized that she didn’t understand what Callie meant. There was no reason for Alex to make himself feel better about something he hadn’t been involved in - aside from the fact that he was the one who was supposed to be on that plane in the first place, but that was long in the past.
“Wait, why would he- what do you mean?” the blonde asked and Callie nearly choked on her wine as she realized her little slip.
She had never meant for Arizona to find out. She had never wanted Alex to be involved with the amputation.
Callie’s reaction alone told Arizona that there were things she didn’t know and Arizona didn’t like not knowing. She actually hated it, despised it. Being kept in the dark was a nightmare for her.
“Calliope!” she chastised when she didn’t get an answer right away, plucking the wine glass from her wife’s hand and placing it on the coffee table next to her own glass.
Callie was visibly wrestling with herself, opening her mouth to say something but then closing it again because she didn’t know how. Arizona cocked one of her eyebrows at the brunette, leaving her little choice but to reveal the truth.
“Alex performed your amputation,” Callie reluctantly admitted, anxiously waiting for a reaction from her wife.
That didn’t come for quite a while. Arizona didn’t know how to react. She couldn’t describe the feeling she had, somewhere between shock and anger, but also gratitude.
“Why? God, I always thought-” she asked, stopping herself mid-sentence because even the thought of it seemed absurd now. Of course Callie could never have been her surgeon because she was her wife, but that didn’t click for Arizona until right this moment.
This wasn’t the answer Callie had expected, stunning her into momentary silence because it wasn’t the emotional outburst she had braced herself for.
“You always thought what?” the brunette inquired “That I did it? Arizona, I’m your wife.”
Arizona just nodded silently.
“I know” she said “But you were doing all these things, you know? You were giving me fluids, checking my temp, doing all the leg stuff. You were essentially one of my doctors.”
Now it was Callie who nodded.
“Yes. But also, no” she said “I could never have done it. When you started crashing, I was stuck in surgery on Derek’s hand and Alex came in to tell me what was happening. He told me it was the leg. And I told him to cut it off.”
She could feel Arizona tense up slightly next to her. They rarely talked about the plane crash and the time after. Arizona didn’t like talking about it, so she avoided it whenever she could.
“Why did you never tell me?” Arizona wanted to know, shifting on the couch so that she could better look at her wife “Why did you let me hold it against you for so long?”
Callie hesitated for a moment, trying to think of the appropriate way to phrase her response.
“I wanted you to have somebody” she then answered “I made the call. I broke the promise, so I knew you were going to hate me. I didn’t want you to hate Alex, too. I wanted you to have somebody.”
Momentary silence fell over the two women, Arizona trying to comprehend what she had just been told. All this time, she had blamed Callie, resented her for the amputation, when there was actually so much more behind it than what she had known up until now.
“Thank you” she almost whispered “For doing that for me.”
Callie just nodded, giving her wife a barely noticeable smile before wrapping one arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer.
“I’d do anything for you” she responded “Because I love you.”
Arizona pressed closer against Callie, enjoying the comfort their embrace brought her.
“I love you, too” she whispered.