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When Yurina heard Xiaoting's name being called for the ninth spot, she felt her heart jump. She immediately turned to see her. Xiaoting had tears in the corner of her eyes but she was smiling. It was a relief smile. Yurina saw Xiaoting walking to the front stage, where she said sweet words of gratitude. Then she walked to her seat, she wore the necklace that meant she was part of the top 9, and then she made a bow.
Yurina saw all of this with a bittersweet feeling inside. The moment she didn't see her face on the screen where the candidates for the ninth place appeared, she knew her dream had come to an end. But then she saw Xiaoting's face there and the tears that wanted to spill were replaced with a smile. Her precious friend had an opportunity.
Now, she knew Xiaoting made it. Yurina saw her with teary eyes but feeling so much happiness for her loved one. After all these months during this hard travel, one of them had made it and even if it wasn't her, at least Xiaoting was. There wasn't anyone who deserved to debut more than Xiaoting. The girl had a natural charm, amazing skills, and a big heart anyone could perceive just the moment they got close to her.
While listening to the last words of the MC about the end of the program, she continued looking at Xiaoting. She looked so pretty, with her long black wavy hair very well stylized, her bright skin, and the purple outfit fitting her body perfectly. She also saw how Xiaoting's eyes were red because of her crying. She felt an ache in her heart with that sight and she could stop but felt the urge to want to wipe every one of those tears. She was too beautiful to cry.
Xiaoting didn't deserve to feel like that.
With that view she felt her own eyes starting to itch, the gathered tears wanted to spill, but she didn't want to cry, not now. The program was still live and she knew her family and friends were watching it and she didn't want them to see her cry. She had all the right to do it though. Her dreams were broken most unpredictably but she wanted to be strong, at least for some more minutes.
Then she heard the MC saying goodbye to the audience and she turned to see him while soft music filled the room. When she turned to look at Xiaoting again she couldn't see her in her spot and then realized all the debuting participants were going down the stairs, leading where the rest of the girls were.
She found Xiaoting with her look and Xiaoting looked at her too. Yurina gave her a small smile and Xiaoting gave her back a soft look. When they were close to each other Xiaoting opened her arms in a hug and Yurina let herself be caught in that comfortable touch.
They hugged tightly. Yurina hummed with the feeling of Xiaoting's arm around her. They always felt so warm. Xiaoting always gave her a warm feeling when they were together. It was the same feeling when you came back home after a long time and your loved ones received you with so much care. Maybe Xiaoting was home for Yurina. Maybe she became a safe place when Yurina felt nothing but lost with all this new experience. New country, an unknown language, different lifestyle. It could be overwhelming for anybody and still, Yurina found the one who made this experience easier for her.
Yurina was so thankful to have known Xiaoting.
Sadly the good things don't last forever.
“Congratulations! You did it!” Yurina said excitedly, hiding the pain in his voice while she snuggled in Xiaoting's neck.
“Thank you, Yurina,” Xiaoting said softly. “Are you okay? You did so well, don't let anyone think otherwise.”
“Shhh! Don't talk about me, it's really okay. I'm so happy for you, you deserve this so much.” Yurina said, feeling a lump in her throat, but she ignored it. She didn't want to cry.
“You don't have to wear a mask with me Yurina, you know it.” Xiaoting caressed Yurina's back with her hands. “You're in my arms now, just let it go.”
Yurina felt her heart sting and the tears were more difficult to keep.
“But the cameras and my family are—” Yurina's voice broke. She inhaled, trying to calm herself and continued. '“They are watching this. I can't cry,” Yurina said with tears already spilling onto her face.
“Just think you're only with me. Close your eyes and let it go, babe.” Xiaoting hugged Yurina more tightly. “So behind the mask, I wonder if you're crying,” Xiaoting said in a whisper.
That was it for Yurina. She hugged Xiaoting tightly while she hid her face in her shoulder and she let the tears go down her face. She whimpered, letting her heart be free. She really had beard those tears that now that they freed them, they couldn't stop.
She was sad she couldn't fulfill her dream. She was sad she couldn't debut. She was sad she couldn't do it with her friends. She was sad because Xiaoting wasn't going to be by her side anymore. Xiaoting would stay in Korea and her… Yurina didn't know what she was going to do. But she tried to not think much about the future. Now she was with Xiaoting, feeling the warmth of her comfortable arms and nothing mattered anymore.
She lost herself in the safe feeling Xiaoting always gave her. She let Xiaoting hug tightly for what felt like hours, accompanied by reassuring words and sweet touches.
“You did so well"
“You did a good job"
“You always did your best"
Yurina knew she should be the one hugging and saying those sweet words to Xiaoting, to make her feel happy and celebrate her debut. But she let the other girl comfort her because her dreams were stolen that day.
—
Later that day, Yurina was in her dorm room. She had taken a shower and changed into comfortable clothes and now she was packing. She was alone in her bedroom since their roommates had gone to have dinner.
She had a mess of her clothes and belongings in her bed while her suitcase was open. She was trying to figure out how to make everything fit in such a small bag.
While she was in the process she heard a knock on her door. She said a soft “Come" and then she continued packing. It was probably one of her roommates that finished dinner early.
“Hi, Yurina.'“
Yurina turned around immediately. She could recognize that voice wherever she was. That soft and charming voice that never left her thoughts.
“Xiaoting…” Yurina said softly.
“Why are you doing?” Xiaoting asked, confused, with a worried look.
“I'm packing.”
“That's what I'm seeing but why? The production still doesn't have the departure date for all the girls.”
“After watching today's episode my parents decided it was time to go home. They booked me a flight and I'm going to Japan tomorrow afternoon.”
Silence.
None of them talked for a few minutes, but they still looked each other in the eyes.
“What?” It was the only thing Xiaoting's brain processed to say.
“Yeah… It's really sudden, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you tomorrow morning.”
“Hey, it's okay I just… I didn't expect we would have to say goodbye this early." Xiaoting looked down at her hands.
“Me neither. If I could, I'll be by your side, as we promised that day.”
Xiaoting looked up, with wide eyes now looking at Yurina.
After a long and tiring day of their practice for the first mission, Yurina and Xiaoting had come to their room and they talked all night. Both of them share the same bed. They opened up to each other and they cried together that night, sharing their thoughts, their insecurities, their deepest feelings. That night they slept hugged each other, with dry tears in their cheeks and a promise in their hearts. They would do whatever they needed to stay together.
Sadly, after three months that promise was now really difficult to keep. Even if they both wanted to fulfill it, their future together wasn't as bright as they imagined.
Xiaoting got closer to Yurina and sat down next to her. She took one of Yurina's hands and caressed it softly, then she intertwined their fingers.
Yurina looked at her softly. She felt so warm again. Even if it was a bittersweet moment, Xiaoting's presence always made everything better. Just by feeling her company Yurina felt at peace. Xiaoting was so comforting.
"I can't believe I'm gonna make this without you," Xiaoting said while looking at their hands.
"But you're going to do it amazing. Everyone loves you! You'll be okay." Yurina smiled to hide the tears that were gathering in the corner of her eyes.
"Seriously If I could do anything I will… I will‐" Xiaoting's voice broke.
"Hey, It's okay." Yurina tried to reassure her.
"It's not!" Xiaoting started crying, their tears spilling down her face.
"Hey… don't cry. I can't see you like that," Yurina said, feeling the knowing lump in her throat.
"How am I supposed to not cry when the person I have been loving for all these months… is leaving." Xiaoting whimpered.
Yurina opened her eyes widely for some seconds, but then she relaxed. "Come here," Yurina said while a small tear spilled down her face.
They hugged tightly while the tears didn't stop spilling from their eyes. It hurt . It hurt so much to face reality.
They weren't going to debut together. They weren't going to fulfill their promise. They probably… weren't going to see each other again.
It was so heartbreaking.
They stayed like that for a few minutes. Their breaths started to calm down and the tears stopped spilling. They pulled apart from the hug, but they still stayed close. They looked at each other in their red and sad eyes.
“I'll miss you so much Yurina, you don't really understand.”
“I'll miss you so much too.” Yurina put her hand on Xiaoting's cheek and started caressing delicately. “But even if we aren't going to be together, I'll always be by your side,” Yurina said smiling.
Xiaoting gave her a confused look.
“I'm going to be right here.” Yurina put her other hand over Xiaoting's chest, where her heart was. “Even if you feel I'm so far, remember I'll be following every step you do. Even if you don't see me I'm still with you, Xiaoting.” Yurina said and a tear spilled from her eye, but she continued smiling.
“Why are you always so sweet?” Xiaoting laughed softly. “I… I love you, Yurina. I always wanted to say this, and I'm sorry it has to be this way.”
“I love you too, Xiaoting.” Yurina's look was still so soft. “And that is not going to change, ok?”
Xiaoting nodded, letting a small whimper. She snuggled in Yurina's soft touch, getting closer to her. Yurina got closer to Xiaoting too and when they realized, their faces were inches from each other. They could even feel each other's breaths. Xiaoting was looking at Yurina's eyes but then she looked down to her lips and Yurina did the same. Then after a few seconds, Xiaoting led in and their lips finally met. They kissed so sweetly and slowly, taking their time to taste each other. It felt so soft and warm, as every moment they always spent together. Their lips moved in synchrony, fitting so well with each other.
It felt so good.
It felt so right.
Yurina was melting with the feeling of Xiaoting's lips on hers. She had dreamed of this moment so many times. She always tried to ignore and to convince herself that it wasn't going to happen before because Xiaoting and her were just really good friends. But now she knew they always felt the same.
It was so sad that they realized this late.
After a few minutes they parted from the kiss and they rested their foreheads together.
“I love you,” Yurina said, smiling with so much love.
“I love you too,” Xiaoting said, and then she pecked Yurina's lips softly.
Yurina giggled at that. “No matter what happens next I just want you to know that I really meant those words.” Yurina caressed Xiaoting's cheeks with small circles.
Xiaoting smiled so sweetly and she nodded. Then both of them closed their eyes and stayed like that, their foreheads against each other's and their hands caressing the other with affection.
They knew their future wasn't as bright as they idealized some months ago. It was really bitter and sad that their paths were in different directions now. It was so unfair that life did this to them. But they couldn't do much but accept it. So they stayed like that, enjoying each other's warm company for this night. These were the last moments they had together and they were going to enjoy it and treasure it in their hearts. Because even if they were going to be so far from each other they knew the memory of every one of their moments together will stay in their hearts.
And nobody could steal that from them.
If any moment life wanted to give them back what it snatched them, they were going to make the most of it. But until that they only had this moment together and they were happy they could spend it with each other. Because in those months they could find comfort, warmth, and love by each other's side.
And even if their story was going to end in this way they wouldn't change a thing.
Not when they found someone who they could be themselves. Someone who wasn't necessary to wear a mask. Someone with who they could be honest.
Someone so easy to love.