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2021-10-23
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Punchline

Summary:

Seventeen years old part-timer Watanuki Kimihiro serves his overbearing boss red wine on a chilly autumn night.

Notes:

I'm not sure if I love or hate them...I think about them a lot. What I'm certain of is, Yuuwata deserves more love and I'll die on this hill. I was listening to a lot of Suga Shikao songs as I wrote this ("ぬれた靴" and "goodbye" in particular), he truly is the king of the "holic" mood. Please consider the first part of this story to be set around Volume 15. I hope you enjoy reading it!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was a cool autumn night at the Wish Granting Shop.

Seventeen years old part-timer Watanuki Kimihiro absentmindedly rubbed off the pesky steam marks that kept forming on his glasses. It wasn’t terribly cold yet at this time of the year, but chilly enough for the faint heat of the pot he had on the stove to cloud his vision with its steam.

It would still be a while for his potatoes to finish simmering, so he decided to finally stop ignoring the protests that echoed across the shop’s walls.

 

“Watanuki~ don’t be so cold to me!”

“Wa~ta~nu~ki~! If I don’t drink some wine now I’ll die.

“Why is there no God? Why can’t a tired, working woman be allowed to have a glass of nice wine?”

 

The whining voice of an adult woman filled the otherwise silent rooms. It was already late enough that Maru, Moro and Mokona were already in bed, yet Ichihara Yuuko still felt no shame in breaking the peaceful silence by shouting dramatically.

“I HEARD YOU ALREADY!” he shouted back impatiently, as he navigated the respectable cellar in their storage room. Yuuko was being a handful that night, even more so than usual. She ordered him to sleep at the shop and not to go home for whatever reason, and he could already tell she had extra (unpaid) working hours in mind for him, given the endless requests she had placed so far.

He mentally recited the instructions she gave him earlier. Third row, second from the left, not the one with the black label. The one with the yellow label in Italian.

Watanuki located an expensive-looking red wine bottle and carefully balanced it in a tray holding a wine glass and light snacks.

He expected to find Yuuko rolling on the floor like a spoiled child. Instead, as he stepped on the porch, he couldn’t help noticing she had an enigmatic expression as she stared up at the sky.

Almost longingly. 

“Yuuko-san” he uttered quietly, almost feeling guilty for interrupting her introspective moment. Sure she got on his nerves, but he also couldn’t deny having a soft spot for the genuine melancholy that sometimes slipped through the cracks of her otherwise flawless “unfeeling Witch” image.

He’d never know for sure which one he was supposed to believe as being the real her, he mused, as his mismatched blue-yellow eyes watched her.

“...are you feeling well? Sorry I took so long. Here’s the wine you wanted.”

Yuuko’s expression instantly shifted upon laying her eyes on him, gaining a mischievous glint.

“Oh my! An apology? You’re being too kind. Surely it’s the occasion having an effect on you.”

“Occasion?” Watanuki inquired, puzzled. Yuuko simply giggled.

“You haven’t realized it yet? I wonder what’s on your mind distracting you so much. Perhaps thinking of what to prepare for the bento you'll take to school tomorrow for Doumeki-kun?”

“Why you -” he grunted, but quickly coughed and instead settled for opening the bottle with a cork and pouring the reddish liquid in a large glass “You know what, I’m not biting such a low-effort bait. I was just worried about you.”

He doesn’t catch it in time, as he had a habit of closing his eyes exasperatedly or looking away when he was aggravated, but Yuuko’s red eyes widened for a split second. She quickly recomposed herself, unable to help being amused at spotting the ways he’s matured compared to when the slightest poke was enough to send him into a ranting loop for hours.

“How dashing of you. I knew it was having an effect on you too! A night like this is the best for all gentlemen to enhance their charms” she said teasingly.

“It? A night like this…?”  he echoed and made a conscious effort to ignore her “compliments”.

Watanuki handed her the filled glass and watched Yuuko swirl it languidly to move the red liquid, contrary to going for a big gulp right away like he expected her to.

“I’m not sure I follow.” he said, confused.

“It’s a Supermoon tonight, of course." 

For the first time that night, the dark-haired teenager actually raised his gaze up to the sky.

The moon looked twice as big and scintillating as usual. There were no stars to be seen in the sky and it seemed almost as if the celestial body could engulf them if they stared at it for too long.

“W-wow” his mouth was agape “I really hadn’t seen it.”

“I’d been waiting for this, you know! It's the perfect opportunity for an extra special moon-watching session” she smiled at him, and for a moment he actually believed it wasn't calculated like her expressions usually were. The moonlight did contribute to it having a different aura from usual, after all.

“Ok...I won’t complain, then. It does seem like a special occasion to drink, for once.” he concedes, sitting beside her and setting his tray aside.

“Thank you. Cheers!” she sang, as she raised her glass up to the brightly lit, yellow-ish moon and held the position for a brief moment before bringing the glass to her lips “This wine is one of my best.”

“It does look fancy” he eyes the label, as he pours another glass without needing to be prompted by her. At this point, he’d know how to handle the witch's drinking pace even if he were to lose his five senses today. “I’m not of age yet to consider joining you, though.”

Yuuko’s gaze pierced him. He gulped as if he had stepped on a landmine.

“Hmm. It’s not as if I’m particularly strict in trying to abide by human laws, most of them are so arbitrary” she spoke, and he couldn’t help but follow the movement of her free hand as it itched closer to him. “But, more importantly,”

She traced the outline of his chin and Watanuki could feel his whole body stiffen at the sudden contact. Yuuko touched him inappropriately so often on a daily basis that under normal conditions would surely have been sufficent to warrant her arrest at this point, but he can’t say he ever built up a proper immunity to it.

It’s not that he personally thought so, but Ichihara Yuuko was objectively beautiful.  Not only that, it’s perfectly normal to feel tense when an attractive woman touches you so casually without a warning.

Right…?

Her cold fingers ghosted over his lips and he felt slightly dizzy for unconsciously slowing down the pace of his breathing. Surely the rapid quickening of his heartbeat had nothing to do with the way he was forced to notice how the wine brought some extra color to Yuuko's otherwise perpetually pale skin. Or with how her scarlet nails lightly dug into his skin as she moved on to caress his cheek.

Yuuko is not anywhere near his preferred type of girl...no, woman, at all and he wasn’t so frivolous to consider being nervous about his employer as someone that could be potentially flirting with him. She was older than him and not a viable target of his affections at all.

Seriously , he thought exasperatedly and actually tried his best to divert his attention to other thoughts to not blush. A futile attempt, as he could feel his face heating up.He was probably just too tired and unable to resist letting his mind wander too much today. You couldn't blame him, right? He was still a guy after all.

He was about to finally open his mouth to protest, when he was surprised by the feeling of his elliptical glasses being removed in one agile swooping motion.

This alone tells me” she continued her previous statement he had already forgotten about, her breath tickling his dry lips. He had no idea when they got that close “That you’re still a hundred years too early to consider drinking this.”

The long-haired woman suddenly let go of his face and he nearly thumbled forward in surprise, as she mercilessly broke the trance-like state he was in.

It took Watanuki a couple of seconds to realize he had been potentially offended.

What ?” he frowned, his voice picking up an annoyed tone “All that, just for you to call me a kid?!”

“I didn’t say that” Yuuko giggled, as she drank another glass. “I'm not implying anything about your maturity. I’m just saying you can’t afford to have this wine in particular yet.”

“WELL, YOU CERTAINLY ARE IMPLYING MANY THINGS! Now you're saying that wine is too good for me. I’m not even sure which is worse anymore!”

“That’s not what I said , either!” she laughed heartily at his growing frustation.

“THAT’S IT, YOU’RE NOT HAVING ANY OF MY COOKING ANYMORE. You take over the stove now. I’m leaving.”

“Watanuki~!”

---------------------

Watanuki Kimihiro is sitting alone on the Wish Shop’s porch.

It is a chilly night, but the young man doesn’t seem bothered by the cold. A red, rose-patterned kimono is slung over his shoulders and seems to provide sufficient warmth, despite the flimsier night-wear yukata he was wearing underneath. 

He specifically instructed Sayaka not to come over tonight, but not without making sure to alert him to be careful on his way back from college to the temple. Even though he inherited the Doumeki lineage's protective energy against spirits, it was always dangerous going out on a night like this. All sorts of spirits would surely be at high activity given the stronger than usual influence of the supermoon's energy.

He also made sure to entertain Maru, Moro and Mokona enough during the day so they would go to bed early for the night.

There are two glasses on the serving tray besides him and an opened red wine bottle with a yellow, fading label. He pours a serving in both glasses.

“You know, among many other things...”

Watanuki says, taking one of the glasses and raising it to the unusually large moon in the sky. The moonlight bounces off his round shaped glasses and obscures his expression.

 

“I really hate your sense of humor.”






Notes:

You could say the punchline here is either humorous or a brutal assault on your feelings. Maybe both. Sorry, I had to share. And don't worry, among the many other magical things Yuuko has in her storage room, that wine didn't spoil and that's precisely one of the things that make it so special. Being "a hundred years too early" also is, in fact, a common Japanese joke/insult: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/YearsTooEarly.

This is my first published fanfiction in about 12 years. It's the first time I publish on AO3 also, so if there's anything I should add to my tags or warnings, please let me know. I was thinking about stubborn tsunderes and couldn't help but be reminded of my unfortunate OTP - this story literally came to mind as I was having a shower. In case anyone doesn't know, Sayaka is the official name of Shizuka's great grandson. Thank you for reading! OHKAWA PLEASE RESUME REI