Work Text:
- Why do we write?
(Have a reason that you can hold on to)
To me, it’s the most important question. Soon after I started to write, frustrations found me. The reason I write has become the anchor to keep me moving. Therefore, I would suggest whoever wants to become a writer really ponder this.
Why do I write? The answer to me is to think about what lives are to us, to be more compassionate, and to connect with other people. I want my writing to be real and understanding. I want to share with people my view of this troubling world and to let them know that they are not alone.
Therefore, when I see someone telling me that they’re touched, I’m touched too. When I feel frustrated about my kudos or hits, I remind myself of my motivation and know that they don’t matter. When I run into writing blocks, I can imagine the impact of my final result and feel passionate again.
Even more fascinating, "why do we write" can be a chicken-and-egg question. You might discover more reasons as you write. I gradually found that some of the pain I wrote was mine -- self-doubt, fear of losing someone I love, homesickness, isolation. I learned that I wrote not only because I want people to have hope, but also because I can cheer myself up at the same time.
You don’t need to have any wholesome motive. One can simply write because it makes you happy. Seeing others happy makes me happy. My motive is pretty close to theirs. If your motive is to have lots of fans, then work on creating a good social media platform. Google it. You’ll find plenty of good advice there.
(What do I write? Does my art have any impact on real life?)
I thought about this question after I applied to a writing community and got rejected. Neither of us was morally wrong. We simply didn’t share the same viewpoint on this question –- do I need to care about the impact of my writing on others?
You know my answer to this question because I already told you the motivation behind my writing. Let me give you several perspectives on the other side. A person can write about rape for several reasons. First, the person might be processing their past trauma. Second, a person might want to discuss what’s so disturbing about it in depth. Third, the person has this fantasy in their mind that they want to fulfill. If you’re a libertarian, you would think that none of these matters. You are an individual with free will. You have the right to free speech.
Now consider these questions. The first few Disney stories tended to present us with a helpless princess waiting for a prince’s rescue. You can say Disney stories are fake, but does it have an impact on girls? Does Fifty Shades of Grey shape people’s perspective on BDSM? Why “bury your gay” is an issue?
The 12 lectures on Justice from Professor Sandel concluded with this: "We respect our fellow citizens' moral and religious convictions not by ignoring but by engaging them. Our disagreement reflects some ultimate humanity of human goods." We live in a pluralist society. We may never reach an agreement, but that's why diversity is helpful -- to reflect the ultimate humanity of human goods.
I don’t think identical analogies can be drawn between my writing community application and AO3. There are tags on AO3. If tags are used properly, you can avoid some materials that you may strongly disagree with or might even seem harmful to you. In addition, comments with hatred hurt the author just as how a story with hatred may hurt the readers. My personal take would be: respect should go both ways. I respect the readers and the readers respect me. If you’re a fellow writer and you have actually read through all these, the likelihood of you hurting others is much lower than the likelihood of you overthinking. Thus, my suggestion would be to write about what you love and ignore the hate. If you’re a fellow reader, my suggestion would be to read the tags carefully and assume that the intentions were good. You’ll feel happier that way.
- How do we engage with readers?
(Social media, yes or no?)
Before having a Twitter account, I only used Facebook. Facebook started to be popular in Taiwan when I was about to graduate from my senior high school. Thus, Facebook to me is a place where I can keep my connections with my Taiwanese friends and the friends I’ve made after I moved to the US.
I’ve never used Twitter before. My fellow computer scientists use Twitter a lot, but it seems performative; they use the place to sell themselves. “Hey, look at my deep network.” “Hey, look at my deeper network.” “Hey, look at my ultra-deep network. It’s SO DEEP. It’s beyond your imagination!” (People in CS know that "network" here has a double meaning.) Later on, I learned that it was precisely the purpose of Twitter, a place for you to create your own brand, to sell yourself.
I didn’t know about that. I created my Twitter account because I noticed that on AO3, a lot of writers in my community used Twitter. Since I was writing niche stories, I feared that some readers might be afraid to leave a comment on AO3. Thus, I created an account so that they can DM me. Well, it ended up that very few fellow Sheith writers DM’ed me on Twitter. The account, on the other hand, opened the fandom world to me, a world that I was not expected.
Fandom has a symbiotic relationship. As a writer, you think that you need to engage to attract more readers. We need readers to know how to improve. Did the story make sense? Did the flow work? How bad was my grammar? Therefore, you might ask, how do you engage? Some people have written blogs about how you can attract more “fans,” and you can easily google those suggestions. I read them. I thought about them. And then I decided to forget about them.
I’m going to answer what ended up working for me. Then, I’ll talk about Twitter. It tied back to “why I write.” I cared about the content, the impact, and the writing skill. If that was the reason, I only need a few sincere comments from some super kind readers who are willing to share their thoughts with me. I do not need fans. I wasn’t writing for popularity. In fact, since my writing is about life and in particular about minorities, I feel that it’s only a matter of time when a hater shows up. Therefore, the best way for me to get comments is to comment on writers I love. They devoted their love to their characters and their stories. They’re like me. They don’t get paid, but they are rewarded by a respectful and sincere comment. Why are comments important? I can confess that I often fear that my writing is bad when I see my hits go up without any change in kudos. (I’ll talk about hits, kudos, and comments in the next section.) When that happened, I went to read the comments. “I enjoyed reading your story!” There, I knew that some people love my stories. I can gladly throw my fear away. As a matter of fact, commenting on other writers has a wonderful side effect -- you make friends.
Twitter might work for others, but the ship has sailed in my case. First, it’s symbiotic as I mentioned. You follow each other. You share each other’s work. I’m fine with that concept. You help each other. That’s cute. However, gradually, you start to feel a sense of disconnection. To begin with, you find that you seem to only be allowed to say one thing on your account: your ship. I think using the word “cult” is a bit too strong and definitely insulting. People love their ships, but to me, ultimately the ships are not real. Constantly embedding myself in such content makes me feel I’m living in a fake world. Moreover, you cannot say anything bad about the ships. I know some people idealize their ships because they want to be immersed in their fantasy. I could understand that. However, I love certain ships because they are so human! They make mistakes and I love them for that. Whenever I am about to type something, I debate whether I should steer it towards the Fandom. Remember that episode from Korra where Bolin found that he only needed to shout “Republic City” to get fans cheering for him? That was how I felt. And I concluded that Bolin’s life is not for me. Twitter is a performative space. I didn’t enjoy wearing a mask and being a wonderful performer. I want to make real friends and support my fellow writers/readers with my true heart, so I made a decision to change my Twitter account into a personal art account, a place where you can DM me. It was the reason I created the account. It should stay that way.
(Hits, Kudos, Comments)
If you are a new writer, you are going to struggle with the number of hits, kudos, and comments. If you go to Reddit, you would find that many people will tell you that the numbers do not matter. Any hit, kudos, or comment should be cherished. I second that.
If you’re a new writer and you feel sad about the number of kudos you get, let me tell you a story. As a non-native speaker, I never knew the existence of AO3 till this March. I felt so frustrated with VLD and was trying to find peace with it. That’s how I ran into morthael’s stories. Her writing is so soft. I enjoyed reading her stories deeply. But I didn’t give her kudos immediately. Why? Because that weird-looking kudos button has a weird-looking heart on it. It looked scary. Why is it dark??? I remembered that first time I gave kudos –- I slowly moved my mouse towards the “dark” heart and took a deep breath, telling myself “this is it!” When the black heart turned into a red one, I was filled with joy! What’s the moral of this story? You might not be getting kudos just because there are people like me who have no idea what kudos is and do not look it up. (Oh, I felt embarrassed.)
Besides hits, kudos, and comments, I found a much better metric to my story: my love for it. Why? Because loving my own stories is a start to love this self who keeps trying. Thus, I tell myself, my fiction is successful if I deeply love it. I’ll measure success this way, not by some arbitrary statistics. (But seriously, I still scream whenever I get kudos. So…)
- How to improve?
(Writing block/ frustration)
I am determined to improve my writing. Thus, when I started to write my second fiction, I looked for writing-related videos. I came across this one that talks about 22 mistakes a novice may have. After I watched it, I started to see each of them in my stories. My passion for writing was gone.
Criticism is what makes us improve. However, too much of it would destroy our passion. Writing is like every other skill in our life. You will hit a block somewhere. There are two things I’ve found helpful. One is to remember your motivation. The other is to draw an analogy to something you’ve succeeded in. I remembered when I was applying for Ph.D., my advisor back then in Taiwan told me that it would be a very difficult path. He told me that I need to have a solid reason. It turned out that he was right. My love for research was what helped me finish my Ph.D. despite all the language barriers, cultural struggles, discrimination, and imposter syndrome.
However, I’m aware that it might be more and more difficult to deal with writing blocks as I gain more experience and popularity. I felt lucky that with neither experience nor popularity, I can easily write about something I love. It's easy for one to say they love tennis before becoming a top player. (Don't judge me if you noticed that I copied-pasted these from my Twitter. Typing is hard.;) ) I wonder whether some famous writers have shared their insights. Since this journal is constantly maintained, I will update it if I have a better answer to this question.
(Books, more fanfics, betas)
WIP
(Resources: websites, grammar apps, …)
I'm going to list some. I may be able to add more insight into how helpful they are to me in the future.
The writing resources listed on Reddit
Alexa Donne's youtube channel (Technical aspects of writing)
Brandon Sanderson's youtube lectures Please watch these!! I cannot overemphasize how helpful they are. (Story-telling aspects of writing, e.g., characters, plots, settings)
A document created with other Sheith ESL writers
- Conclusion
All in all, fanfic writing has been a positive experience for me. When anxiety starts to grow, what has helped me the most is to realize that this is my hobby. It doesn't define my value as a person. It doesn't take away my life security. I would think about my family and friends, have some tea, or go for a walk. And then, I'll remind myself that I am still a happy person.
Hope all of us stay happy.