Chapter Text
"There aren't that many people to find out there these days...much less good ones like her.'
"Yeah, I know."
The conversation with Carol had replayed itself over and over since the mine exploded. Sometimes, Daryl caught himself instinctively looking for Connie when he walked the streets of Alexandria, even though he knew she wasn't there.
A part of him hoped she would turn up over night. That one morning he would walk outside and she would be there, strolling their small community with Kelly and Magna. He pictured her soft smile and fluid movements as she signed something to Kelly, who would grin and sign back. He felt relief flood through him knowing she was finally home. Alive. Safe.
Dog's bark jerked him back to reality. The one where Connie was still gone and he was still alone. The moment of relief disappeared and in its place were sore muscles and the weight on his chest that never seemed to go away. Each time they lost someone, it seemed to get heavier.
He reached over to scratch behind Dog's ear.
"You can't hide out with your dog forever," Carol had said.
He sighed, still staring at his ceiling, his hand resting on the back of Dog’s neck. For a fleeting moment, he thought Carol might have been right. Then the mine caved in and he was reminded that all he did was lose people.
He remembered that familiar crushing helplessness as he rushed towards the pile of rubble with Connie and Magna buried beneath. He knew what it meant. Could see the ghosts of all those he lost and couldn’t save as he shouted at Aaron to help him.
He saw Beth’s bloody hair and remembered her weight in his arms. Merle's lifeless stare bore into him. Glenn’s unmoving body was in front of him again, face-down in the dirt. There was Rick, who was still missing. And Leah, who left behind ghosts of what could have been…
All of them - gone.
“You cared about her,” Carol sobbed when he turned to face her. “And now she’s gone because of me.”
He wanted to blame her. Wanted to shout and scream out all of the regrets and pain he felt gripping his chest when he thought about losing more of their family. Yet all he could do was walk past her and say, “there has to be another way in.”
Dog licked his face and brought him back again. He turned his head, hands running through the rough fur.
“Ready?”
Barking in response, Dog bounded from the bed. He turned to look expectedly at Daryl, tail wagging excitedly, as if just as eager to begin another day of searching.
He wasn’t giving up on Connie. He would find her and bring her home. And maybe he would believe Carol again when she said he didn’t need to be alone.