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Leonard loves that they’re not going to know who their baby’s father is. After deciding they all want a baby, they’d taken great care to be sure they wouldn’t know for sure who the biological father is. (He can’t exactly say they went to ‘great pains’ when it was so damn pleasurable.) Ali says it’ll keep somebody from feeling left out—not that there’s any risk of that. Every step of the way, from the pregnancy test to the first barely-visible rounding of Ali’s belly, both Leonard and Mick are beside themselves with delight.
With all that said, it makes choosing the birthing arrangement a bit of a pain in the ass.
“You know they’ll get snippy about you having the two of us at the bedside,” Leonard cautions Ali. It hurts to say—it hurts every time they run into something made for couples that trios can’t do without trouble. “One of us is gonna have to wait…or I guess we could take it in shifts, that’s a thing, right?”
Ali takes his hand, squeezes tight, and guides it to her belly. He hitches up her shirt so that he can rest his palm against bare skin. She purrs encouragingly. “I’m having a C-section, lover, remember? Just a precaution, but I'm sticking with it. And yeah. They’ve warned me I only get one person at the bedside.”
Leonard sighs and drops his gaze to her belly. He knows what he has to tell her, but the words hurt when he tries to say them. “It should be Mick,” he finally gets out. “At your side, seeing everything. If I’m in the room with you, I’ll get too caught up in planning, trying to predict what’ll happen next, what I should do if something goes wrong. I’ll miss how incredible it really is. Mick won’t do that. He’ll be able to see what’s happening, and not constantly be looking five seconds in the future.”
Ali sits forward and kisses him softly on the lips. “Thanks, lover,” she whispers. “I appreciate you being willing to say that. I wish you could be there too, but…yeah, you’re right. I want whoever’s with me to be with me in the moment. I love the way you look out for us, and you’re gonna be a phenomenal protector for our baby—but that can come after she’s born.”
Mick wanders in, as is his habit, right at the point where the conversation makes no sense to someone overhearing it. He’s got a smear of flour on his nose, and his hands are damp as though he’s just washed them free of mess. “Huh? Why’re you talking like Len’s leaving?”
“I’m not, partner. We’re trying to figure out who’s going with Ali when she has our baby.” Leonard explains his thoughts about which of them should be at the bedside. Ali nods through it all, rubbing her thumb back and forth across Leonard’s knuckles.
Mick growls by the time he’s done explaining. “I hate that you can’t be in there with us. This is our baby, all of ours.”
“Lover.” Ali stands and goes up on her tiptoes to kiss the top of Mick’s head. “I know, and Len is gonna be there for our baby as soon as he’s able. And he’s still gonna get to take care of me up until then. Right? You two can coddle and cook for me and feel our baby kicking, and all that important parent stuff.”
Leonard can’t help laughing. “Oh, sure, I get all the work and none of the cool part.” So that they both know he’s joking, he stands and kisses them both. “And I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
***
And indeed, Leonard refuses to miss a moment. He’s right there in the midst of planning their baby’s nursery, and helps Ali research the risks and benefits of co-sleeping. (Mick takes one look at their clunky desktop computer and the stack of books Ali found and vanishes, claiming that one glance at the mess gives him a headache.) He and Ali also plunge into research about the safety of breastfeeding with HIV. Together, they make a sprawling corkboard for all their postpartum plans. It grows bigger and more complex by the week.
Mick gets his time to shine with the assembly of the nursery. He takes charge of putting together the baby’s crib, a soft play area, and a baby-proof closet. “Our little doll’s gonna want for nothing,” he promises in between swearing at the half-constructed changing table. “With all three of us taking care of her, she’s gonna be so safe and loved.”
Ali wanders into the room, hand braced on her belly. She turns a circle, staring at everything—the play corner, the crib, the freshly-painted blue-and-purple walls. “Every time I come in here, I get so excited,” she murmurs. “Every detail shows how much you two already love our baby.” She wanders closer to Mick like she’s considering rubbing his head. One glance at his hyper-focused, annoyed face changes her mind. Instead, she circles around the half-completed changing table and suggests, “Do you wanna take a break, lover? You can have some food and something to drink.”
It’s a good call. Left to his own devices, Mick will hyperfocus on a frustrating project until he works himself into a rage. Leonard prepares to step in if Mick gets upset at the idea of a break, but he shouldn’t have worried. Their guy just draws a deep breath, rubs his hand over his head, and agrees, “Yeah, might be best. I’ll come back to this thing with fresh eyes later.”
As they head out to the kitchen, Leonard sidles up to Mick and wraps an arm around his waist. “Hey,” he murmurs, smiling the particular tender smile only Mick can get out of him. “You don’t usually recognize when you need a break. That’s a big step.”
Mick inclines his head as though acknowledging the point. “Yeah, not great at that. But our little one might have a brain like mine—sticky and weird. They oughta get to see me take care of my brain and know how to handle it.”
Leonard leans up to kiss the top of Mick’s head. “That’s quite a gift you’re trying to give them. They’re gonna appreciate it, partner. And seeing you take care of yourself makes me happy, too.”
For the space of a heartbeat, they stand still, entirely wrapped up in each other. When they look up again, Ali is in the kitchen doorway, watching them. The look on her face is pure compersion.
“You know how much I love you both?” She waits until they get closer; then she leans in to give them each a kiss. “You’re both trying so hard and our baby’s not even here yet. She’s gonna be so loved.”
For just a moment, Leonard’s mind runs away to a future where she isn’t. The mental image of Mick drunk and raging blurs into the horrifying thought of himself, stone-cold sober, getting angry and striking their child. The wave of nausea that sweeps over him puts his fears instantly to rest. That future is never going to happen. He’ll never allow it. What happened to him will never happen to their child.
Rather than ruin Ali and Mick’s moods with his dark turn of mind, he clasps Ali in his arms and makes a solemn promise. “She will. She always will.”
***
The day of Ali’s C-section is greeted with a collective sigh of relief. On the ride to the hospital, Ali sighs, “It’s about damn time. I love our baby, and I loved, like, the second trimester—after the nausea and before the aches—but I’m so ready for my back to stop aching and my feet to go back to their normal size.”
“I say this with love,” Leonard teases, “but we are too. We love taking care of you, but you elevate complaining to an art form.”
“Says you,” Mick rumbles. Leonard would fix him with a glare were he not so focused on the road. Then Mick continues, and Leonard is glad he didn’t glare. For all his ribbing, his guy is sweet. “Worried about you, though. I’m gonna be in with our girl—you’re gonna be driving yourself up a wall in the waiting room, right?”
“Actually, I thought I’d lurk at the nurse’s station or something, see if anyone will favor me with some postpartum planning,” he drawls. He has no idea if the nurses will allow that, but it’s worth a try. “If they kick me out, I’ll go get…not coffee. I dunno, something to eat.” Flowers and chocolate for Ali, he doesn’t say. That’s ruin the surprise.
Ali reaches up from the backseat to squeeze his shoulder. “Don’t go too far, lover. I mean, distract yourself, I know how important that is…but I want you at my side the moment you’re allowed.”
Without taking his eyes off the road, he leans his cheek down against her hand. “I promise.”
Leonard accompanies them inside, which is an odd experience. The moment they step through the doors, it’s like barriers slam down in his mind—he mustn’t be overly affectionate with them. Ali’s obstetrician knows Mick as her partner and Leonard as vaguely-defined ‘family.’ If she were to see any evidence of polyamory…the consequences don’t bear thinking about.
“Hey.” Ali touches his arm and smiles at him. “Thank you for coming in. I know you can’t stay for it all, but I want you here with me as much as possible. You’re part of this too, okay?”
He draws a deep breath and forces himself to quiet the catastrophizing part of his mind. Everything is going to be fine. Ali will go in, have the C-section, and all will be well. And then they’re going to have a baby. Just thinking about it boggles his mind. They’ve been planning for months, but somehow it still doesn’t seem real.
Despite the urge to flee the moment Ali is safely in a room, Leonard stays with her right up until she’s taken to the preop area. The nurse checks which of them is coming back; Leonard takes that as his cue to leave. Before he slips away, he clasps Ali’s hand and promises, “See you on the other side—and our baby.”
She leans up to kiss him. “Don’t drive yourself up the wall while you wait. We’re all in good hands.”
To no one’s surprise, Leonard does indeed drive himself up the wall while he waits. He makes the most of it by cornering a nursing student. It turns out to be the best decision he could have made. The student has a lot of information to share and is excited to show off her learning—so much so that she doesn’t seem overly curious about who Leonard is or why he’s wandering the hall instead of in a patient room. Almost an hour later, when she rushes off to take vital signs on a patient, Leonard hurries away to buy chocolates. On one level, he knows he’s not significantly more prepared now, but feeling productive goes a long way to alleviate his worry.
He returns to the hospital before Ali is out of surgery. The wait feels endless. He forces himself to sit down rather than prowling the halls. Someone will come get him when she’s back—Mick, if no one else.
Sure enough, it’s Mick who eventually fetches him. His broad face is lit up like he’s just watched a massive blaze. “C’mon back,” he beckons. “Our baby girl’s beautiful.”
Leonard rushes back with him. Mick shows him the way to Ali’s room. The door glides open on soundless hinges. Inside, Ali is lying on the bed with a tiny blanketed bundle on her chest. When she sees Leonard, she gives him a sleepy smile. “I’m okay, and so is Lita.”
Leonard bounds across the room to the side of the bed. One of his hands presses urgently against the back of Ali’s head. Her hair is tangled from being pressed against the pillow. She leans back into his touch with a happy hum.
With the other hand, he reverently peels back the thick hospital blanket. Their baby is pink-cheeked and healthy. Her tiny face is squished against Ali’s breast, eyes shut tight, mouth gaping open. Her little hands are balled against her chest. Leonard slips his finger into one tiny fist, hardly daring to breathe as he does. Her skin is warm and damp, and feels thin as paper. He’s terrified the wrong touch will break her in two.
“Lita,” he whispers. “Oh, baby girl, I love you so much.”
Ali presses her lips to Lita’s brow and leaves them there, taking in deep, greedy breaths of their baby’s warm, slightly sour scent. “She knows,” she whispers against Lita’s skin. “She’s heard you both for the last couple months. I know she knows how loved she is.”
Leonard glances around the room. There’s not a nurse in with them at the moment. Even better, the door is pulled almost all the way shut; nobody in the hallway will see either. He leans down to kiss Ali, then turns around to kiss Mick.
While he and Mick are still kissing, he feels a weight suddenly lift from his arm. It takes him a moment to remember the bag of chocolates. “Thief,” he grumbles at Mick.
“Softie.” Mick plunges his hand into the bag. “He brought us chocolates.”
“I brought Ali chocolates, you didn’t just come through surgery,” Leonard protests.
“I’m willing to share.” Ali leans her head against Leonard’s arm and smiles up at him. “You’re sweet. Now pull up a chair or perch on the bed, you’re making me all stiff just standing there. Once you’re comfortable, we can feed each other.”
Mick held up a hand. “Are you allowed to eat? Remember, the doc said…”
“The doc said I can eat once my bowel sounds and gag reflex come back.” Ali gives Leonard an exaggerated wink and stage-whispers, “I don’t have a gag reflex. The nurse said my stomach’s making noise again, so I’m gonna eat.”
While Mick processes that, Leonard steals back the chocolates. He holds up the first one to Ali’s lips and coaxes, “Even if we all eat, it’s only fair you get the first one.”
She nibbles it out of his fingers. Afterward, she presses tender kisses to his fingertips. “You’re gonna spoil me rotten, lover. I’m so lucky.”
Only after they’ve finished half the box of chocolates together does Leonard register that they’ve been openly sweet together and nothing bad has happened. Of course, that doesn’t mean it will always be so. It nonetheless lowers his guard not only for the rest of the day, but for the rest of Ali’s hospital stay. He’s incredibly grateful for that. Lita’s first few days are so much better for sharing them with both of his wonderful partners.