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It was the brisk winter breeze of December that woke Levi up. His windows were slightly cracked open, allowing the soft gusts of wind to seep in and rustle the covers that laid on him.
Levi slowly blinked his eyes open; the view was a sleepy blur that he tried to rub away, granted only his left eye was in top condition. But it’s been a few years, he was used to it by now. It didn’t deter his mood in any way. And he was just appreciative of the fact that he was able to catch a few hours of sleep on a proper bed without the overwhelming waves of anxiety.
On good days, he didn’t need to use his wheelchair. But on bad days, it was a different story. And the cold made his legs hurt more. There was a cold numb feeling that overtook his leg, making him wince on his feet. So it seems as though today was a not-so-good day. But it was definitely not the end of the world; it was nothing too terrible.
He had enough of that experience three years back.
Levi painfully limped across the wooden floors to his small but cozy kitchen. Situated in the corner was a humble collection of tea; it was an impressive sight of various colors and it adorned the kitchen with an earthy welcoming smell. His fingers gently trailed across the different flavors of tea leaves; some were gifted by his squad and fans, others were bought with his own money. That was one thing he found weird ever since opening up his tea shop.
There were just too many flavors.
And not many were good.
He completely despised flavors like chamomile, if he could even call it a flavor. It might as well be just water— hot water with no flavor.
For today, he went back to the basics. His all-time favorite black tea.
He found comfort in the methodical process of scooping up the leaves and encasing it for the flavors to slip into the hot water. As Levi waited for the tea to finish, he started to do a breathing exercise, something Gabi had said she read in a book somewhere that would do good for him. It would ground him, she insisted. He was skeptical at first but now it’s a point of habit.
Levi closes his eyes and listens for three things that he could hear.
There were sounds of the morning birds, greeting the sunlit skies that were painted a pale orange and pink. An antique clock ticking a gentle staccato that was situated nearby his window. And if Levi strained his ear, he could hear the sounds of a few other bakeries opening up for the early risers.
His tea now ready, he poured himself a cup and slowly made his way to an overly cushioned and well-used armchair.
“Hm,” Levi hummed in satisfaction as soon as he took a sip. A small smile formed on his scarred lips. It was a soft and gentle smile; the kind of gentleness that would have been a cruel contrast not many years back. He was happier, but there was something heavy that remained deep in his heart.
“It’s normal after a traumatic war. It’ll take time for you to heal and feel better,” a supposed expert had told him when he unwillingly admitted of this weight he couldn’t quite shake off.
“I see,” Levi took a sip of his tea, a slight tremor in his hand. He was, of course, skeptical at first. Levi eyed the expert, his eyes lingering at a piece of pastry at the corner of his mouth.
“You do?” The man’s eyes were warm and earnest to comfort him.
Levi, in fact, did not.
But he now supposes the expert was somewhat right. A year after that particular chat, he was able to get through most days without having to slip to a quiet place to calm his raging heart, thoughts, trembling hands.
It all just took time.
Levi was far from perfect, but he was okay. And okay was better than being at rock bottom.
A tingling doorbell signaled the arrival of Gabi and Falco. They both helped Levi out around the tea shop, fussing over Levi who routinely slapped away their prying hands.
Falco first entered his private quarter and greeted him, “good morning Captain.”
Levi rolled his eyes, “how many times do I have to tell you? Just call me Levi, it’s fine.”
Gabi strode in right after Falco and gave Levi an enthusiastic greeting. “Would you like a morning hug, Captain?”
Levi cringed, she always asked him this absurd question every morning and he never knew why. And like every morning, his answer was just a threatening glare and then a sip of his tea as he looked away to gaze outside the window.
“I don’t do morning hugs,” Levi muttered, feigning interest at a particular woman who had tripped and spilled the contents of her bag on the streets below.
“You’re just being weird, who doesn’t like morning hugs!”
“I’ll get started on the pastries,” Falco cut in before Levi could snap back. He pointedly gave Gabi a look, who just crossed her arms in slight defiance.
“And I’ll get started on setting up the tables,” Gabi huffed, sounding a little miffed and reluctant.
Levi just grunted in agreement.
Levi finds hero-worshipping quite odd.
His tea shop offers many teas and a few pastries. He was known for his odd flavors. But the main bulk of his customers were soldiers and admirers that frequently shopped at “Ackerman Tea and Pastries”.
A normal sight was of Levi bossing Gabi and Falco around, sometimes in a wheelchair, other times on foot. Customers would usually witness a grumbling Levi shooing away nosy fans, but there was no end to it. So he would give up and allow them to stick around only if they bought something.
Today, a little boy poked him at his back to get his attention.
“May I take a picture with you?”
Levi glanced at the strange contraption that he’s still trying to familiarise himself with. The boy’s parents were grinning widely and clearly hopeful for approval. He gave a stiff nod.
The little boy gave him a hug while the contraption went through its motions to capture the moment. Levi visibly stiffened at the physical touch. The boy squealed in glee as soon as the process was done.
“You’re my favorite hero ever!” He gave Levi a toothy grin. Levi noticed a few of his baby teeth were missing.
“Uh,” Levi started awkwardly. He never knew how to respond to such praises, “you have a small booger under your nose.”
That ought to stop this odd conversation.
“Do you pick your nose?” The small boy asked after rubbing at his nose.
Or apparently not.
Levi took a small step back having been caught off guard, “...what?”
“Y’know, you’re a hero and everything. It’s kinda cool to think of your hero who also picks their nose. Just like me!”
Levi just looked at his grinning face then his parents’ equally happy faces and gave a small awkward pat on his back to avoid answering.
“So do you?”
Levi glanced at the booger that was now stuck on his right cheek.
“You missed a spot.”
The weirdest thing keeps happening to him nowadays.
When he hears the doorbell tingle and hears the words “captain”, he would sometimes expect to see Eren or Hanji grinning at him.
But it’s never them.
Instead, tonight it was Armin that came down to visit him. After his travels, he would often pop by and tell stories or give Levi gifts.
“I come harboring gifts,” Armin announced happily.
“You came just in time, we just closed shop,” Gabi replied.
“And that means I can prepare this gift for us before we snack on some leftover pastries,” Armin responded back.
“We don’t have much left,” Falco called out, his voice strained from giving the floor a thorough wipe, “one of Levi’s girl fan clubs literally camped over in the shop today.”
“What’s new?” Armin snorted.
“What have you brought?” Levi interjected, skeptically eyeing the package in Armin’s hands.
“Something I hope you’ll enjoy,” Armin’s eyes had an excited glint to it as he responded, “why don’t you sit on the balcony and I’ll get this ready for us?”
Levi grunted in agreement and made his way to his private quarters and then out to his balcony. He closed his eyes and breathed in the night air, happy to feel its fresh breeze on his skin. After many hours inside laboring away, being outside was quite a heavenly experience for him.
He took a seat on a wooden chair and looked up to find the stars twinkling back at him. Levi never gazed at the night sky anymore. It held past memories that were embodied with too much pain and nostalgia that he could taste so heavily on his tongue. But for some reason, on this night, Levi only felt peace as he savored the moonlight and stars.
“It’s a cold night isn’t it?” Armin quietly asked as he set down a tray on top of the small garden table. The table softly groaned under the weight.
Levi just hummed in agreement and curiously looked over at the tray.
“Tea? And chocolates?”
“Especially bought and made for you,” Armin replied, “Mikasa sends her regards, she was hoping to pop in with me today but she had to take care of something first.”
“Tell her that she’s welcome here anytime,” Levi responded. He took a piece of chocolate and allowed it to slowly melt in his mouth. It was a rich and nutty flavor— the sort of flavor that reached your toes and warmed you up like soft cotton socks. Levi loved it.
They were silent for a moment, Levi gazing at the night sky, before Armin spoke up again.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked.
“Hm?”
“You have an odd look on your face.”
Levi glanced at him and wondered if he should recount his sob stories, and decided that he could trust him from the way his eyes held sincerity. But he planned on just recounting a shorter and edited version. He didn’t want to be a total downer.
“I guess, many years ago, on a night just like this, I made a promise to two of my closest friends,” he studied the sky, his throat becoming oddly tight, “they died during an exploration outside the walls.”
Armin nodded once, this was a shared trauma for many and he understood Levi’s pain, “what kind of promise was it?”
“A kind that you never want to break.”
Armin nodded again and murmured, “that reminds me of Eren and me.”
“Does it?”
“Yeah, we always had those kinds of promises we make to each other,” Armin paused to take a sip of the hot tea, “but sometimes it wasn’t just meant to be.”
“A sudden titan appearance got in the way?”
Armin gave a small smile, “something like that.”
“It sometimes feels like a dream,” Levi mumbled, before nibbling on another piece of chocolate.
“But, I’ve made peace with it.”
“Have you?”
“I feel like I’ve honored all our promises in any way I could and that’s all I can do,” Armin shrugged, “sometimes there’s just nothing else you could do than that.”
Levi didn’t know how to reply. He just observed the quiet streets below, a few people passed them by here and there.
“I guess life just moves on. Like the ripples of ocean waves,” Armin continued, “have you been to the ocean lately?”
“No, I haven’t thought about it.”
“We should all take a trip there one day, maybe have a picnic with everyone.”
“I’d like that,” and Levi genuinely did.
“It’s a promise then,” a teasing hint to his voice.
It was now Levi’s turn to smile.
He poured himself a cup of tea and relished the warmth seeping through his fingers as he held the cup. He took a sip and almost spit it out.
It was chamomile.
But Levi guesses there are worse things in life before he takes another sip.
And another.
And once more.