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It was raining heavily outside, millions of little drops falling hard against the earth. It wasn't often that it rained in Camp Half Blood, but Demeter had insisted that the plants needed a good watering, so Chiron let the clouds through the barrier. Classes and clubs had been canceled for the afternoon, meaning every hyperactive camper was stuck inside for the night. No campfire, Chiron had announced solemnly. They would surely make up for it the next day, though, with a longer one. Nico di Angelo was not looking forward to it.
The boy sat on a pillow in the bay window in his cabin, watching and listening to the rain. He played a game he and Bianca had invented, pinning two raindrops against each other and seeing which would reach the bottom of the window the fastest. They played it a lot as children, when it was unsafe for them to be playing outside due to rising tension in Italy. But the game was not as fun without his older sister, as there was no one to gloat to when he won. Getting back memories of his childhood was nice, yes, but it was also painful. The gap Bianca and his mother left in his heart would never be filled again, not really.
His depressive thoughts were interrupted by Will Solace, Nico's best friend and boyfriend. The other boy had made use of the shower in Nico's cabin, washing off the rain and grime of the day. He had worked a double shift at the infirmary, staying there all night and into the morning. The bags under his eyes told of his exhaustion, and his hands trembled ever so slightly. Usually, they didn't need doctors in the infirmary all through the night, but a camper had been badly injured in the last capture the flag game and needed to be monitored.
Nico smiled a small, weak smile at him, waving him over to sit next to him.
Will returned it and slumped across from him in the window. “Nice day,” he said, eyes focused on the world outside the little cabin.
“I didn't think you would like the rain, sunshine boy,” Nico responded. There was still so much they didn’t know about each other. It made Nico want to wrap both of them in a cocoon of blankets until they knew every little detail about each other's past, present, and futures.
Will squinted at him, “The sun isn’t my entire personality, you know. I have other qualities.”
“Mhm. Like being a doctor?” Nico smirked, leaning his head against the window.
“Oh, shut up.” Will kicked the side of his leg in jest, an overly-fond grin widening on his face.
Nico looked away, cheeks heating up bashfully. He wasn’t used to being looked at like that, with so much unrestrained love. The world was so strange, now, so advanced. Such a look would have put the pair of them in danger back when Nico was a kid. Queerness wasn’t something one advertised in Italy in the 1930s, and he was still getting used to the change.
His boyfriend seemed to pick up on his discomfort and looked away as well, but the smile stuck on his face like glue. They were silent for a while, basking in each other's presence. It had been a long day for both of them, with Nico training the little ones in the morning and Will doing his doctor-y things.
After a while, Will spoke again. “Is there something on your mind?” he asked, a crease forming between his eyebrows. “You seem... pensive.”
In fact, there was something on Nico’s mind. Earlier in the day, his class had been taking a minute break from sword training when he overheard a conversation between two of the little ones. They couldn’t have been more than eleven years old, but they mentioned a term that Nico had never heard of before. Nonbinary, one of them had said in reference to herself. I’m nonbinary, but I use she and her. Her friend had nodded in understanding and thanked her for letting him know.
Nonbinary, not-binary. What binary, Nico wondered, and why was this girl not a part of it? Will was good at these things. He had grown up in Camp Half Blood, one of the most progressive places in the world, according to him. He had been exposed to so many supposedly deviant things, all of which were considered the norm, now.
Will always made sure Nico new that it was okay to ask questions, to learn from the people around him. So, he asked, “What does nonbinary mean?”
Will’s eyebrows went up the slightest bit, betraying his surprise by the question. “Oh, it’s-- it’s, um. Sorry, I’ve never had to explain this before.” He sat up straight, gathering his thoughts. “You know male and female, he and she. The term nonbinary describes a group of people who don’t fit into those boxes. It’s an umbrella term, of sorts. Someone can feel like both a boy and a girl, while another can feel like neither. Both are nonbinary, if that’s how they choose to identify.
“I--sorry, I’m not describing this very well.” His hands fidget in his lap, betraying his nervousness. He was always worrying about letting people down.
Nico dropped his hands over his boyfriend’s, hoping to calm him. “No, you’re doing great. But--but what does that mean, exactly. Being both or-- or neither of the genders?”
“Right, so. There’s a difference between sex and gender. Sex is the stuff you were born with and how you were identified at birth. Someone who has traditionally male parts will be identified as male at birth, but that doesn’t mean their gender is male. Your gender is whatever you feel you are on the inside, despite what the outside tells you. Being nonbinary is a spectrum and not everything about it is straight-forward. It's hard to explain because it really depends on the person.”
“Okay, that… that makes sense.” Nico stares at their entwined hands, rubbing his thumb over Will’s palm. Will seemed surprised by this, tilting his head slightly. Nico bristled. “I was born in 1930, but I’m still capable of learning, Will. I’m gay, aren’t I?”
Will chuckled. “Of course. I'm sorry.”
“But that doesn’t mean I don’t have questions.” Nico continued when Will waved for him to go on, “I forgot what they are called. He, she. Those things.”
“Pronouns?” Will asked.
“Yes, those. Pronouns. What would a nonbinary person use?”
“Well, that’s the difficult bit. A stereotypical nonbinary person would use they/them pronouns.” Will noticed that he was about to speak and talked over him, “Yes, they is normally plural, but it doesn't have to be. For example, you would say, ‘Mark is tired, they are going to bed.’, but Mark is still a singular person.”
“Oh, okay. But the girl--person?-- who I heard the term from said that she uses she.”
“A nonbinary person can use gendered terms without being of that gender. She may use she/her pronouns, but also be uncomfortable with Ms. and gendered titles. Someone may use they/them, but not mind gendered titles. Really, it’s all about how the person feels and what they are comfortable with.
“Austin, my brother, is nonbinary, but he doesn’t mind gendered terms. He uses both he and they pronouns, with the occasional she. He has also told me that I can tell other people. You never spread information like that without the person’s consent.”
“Right, of course. That’s… that’s really, very cool.” Nico felt a bit faint.
Will smiled, “It is, isn’t it? Austin would be happy to hear you say that. They always appreciate a compliment.”
“Would--Would they mind if I asked them about it sometime? I would like to know more.”
“Oh, they would love it. Austin just loves teaching people. Takes every chance he gets.”
“Sì, okay,” Nico said. “I will do that.”
“Good.” Will squeezed his hand.
“I’m-- I'm tired, Will. Can we take a nap?”
Will hummed. “That sounds nice. Remind me to never cover for one of my siblings ever again. Back to back shifts are absolutely awful.”
“I’ll never be able to stop you,” Nico laughed, the tightness in his chest easing ever so slightly. “Helping people is in your bones.”
---
Nico’s conversation with Austin happened over lunch the next day. They picked a spot in the strawberry fields, away from the loud chatter of other campers in the pavilion. Austin was very kind about it, answering all of Nico’s questions with an excited grin. “Have you ever thought about teaching a class?” Nico asked, when they were finished.
Austin laughed. “Yeah, actually. Not about this specifically, though. I want to become a music teacher when I leave camp.”
“You would be good at that,” Nico said. Austin usually ran the campfire singalongs, and he was very good at playing a variety of instruments. “Thank you for all of this, really. It was great talking with you.”
A strange look took over Austin’s face, more serious than he had been the entire time they had talked. “Of course. If you ever want to talk again, you know where to find me. And Kayla, too. Her non-godly parent is nonbinary, so she knows a lot about this, as well.”
“Huh, okay. Thanks.” For some reason, adults being nonbinary wasn’t something Nico had thought of. He shook that away. “I’ll-- uh, I have a class to teach this afternoon. So I have to…”
“Yeah, no worries.” Austin stood, dusting off his pants. “Hey, we’re having a movie night in the Apollo cabin in a couple days. Will would love to have you there, we all would.”
Nico looked at the ground, unsure of what to say. “I’ll ask him about that.”
They said their goodbyes and left the strawberry fields, each off to complete their own tasks for the day. Thoughts swirled in Nico’s mind as he prepared for his lesson, getting the wooden swords out from the supply cupboard in the arena. He didn’t know why the new information had such an affect on him, he had learned about plenty of other types of queer people, but none of had it stuck with him like nonbinary did.
He was distracted from these thoughts when the little ones piled into the arena, energized from lunch. The lesson was particularly grueling that day because the kids weren’t even trying to focus on him. It didn’t help that one child had taken a particularly wild swing at his leg, bruising it horribly. Two hours later, Nico limped back to his cabin, covered in dirt and sweat. He couldn’t wait to take a shower and relax a little bit. Will wasn’t due to come over for an hour, so he had some time to himself.
He loved hanging out with Will, but there was a certain stillness to being alone that couldn’t be achieved when in close proximity with someone. He basked in it, taking longer in the shower than he usually would. He stood under the warm spray, lost in a state of nothingness. Dissociation , Will called it. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it wasn't great either, so Will advised him to try to snap himself out of it or get help when he noticed it happening. After the week he had had, though, Nico thought he was allowed a bit of time to be nothing, to float in the safety of his empty mind.
A while later, he came back to himself and got out of the shower. He still had thirty minutes, so he laid in bed and contemplated things for a bit. He thought about Austin, who was nonbinary, but wasn’t uncomfortable with masculine pronouns. He thought of the person from yesterday, who used ‘she’. It was okay to be in the middle but still use gendered pronouns. It would be okay if he--
Will knocked on the door, “Open up, Neeks! I have something for you!. Jason found another figurine on his last trip out, he wanted me to give it to you! It’s Athena, I think. You don’t have that one, do you?”
“Come on in,” Nico said. “I don’t have that one, yet.” His heart ached, thinking of the collection of wooden figures he’d left behind in their little home in Italy.
Will’s smile lit up the dark cabin, “Good.” He stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “Gods, do you want me to turn on a light? It’s pretty dark in here.”
It was, the blackout curtains made sure of it. “I’d rather them off. Is that okay?”
“Sure thing, love.” Will sat on the bed next to Nico's head, leaning against the headboard. “You feeling okay?”
Nico wrapped an arm around Will's waist and turned his head further into his pillow. “One of the kids got me in the leg. Not bad enough for the infirmary, though.”
“That’s too bad.” Will tilted his head, looking like a lost puppy. “Emotionally, how are you? You look a little scrambled.”
“I-- I am, I guess.” Nico shook his head. “I shouldn’t be, though. I’m fine. Really.”
Will frowned and pushed a hand through Nico’s hair. It was getting long. He should probably cut it soon. “Are you sure about that? You can talk to me.” He raced to say, “But you don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”
“I know that. I do.” Nico sighed. “I talked to Austin today.”
“They told me,” Will said. “Apparently, you asked a lot of good questions.”
“Yes, it was a good talk.” He cleared his throat. “I’ve been thinking…”
He paused for so long that Will got concerned. He tilted Nico’s head up by his chin, a curious look on his face.
“I’m--I think I am nonbinary.” Nico can’t look him in the eye. “It just--It feels right, that word. It makes s-sense, for some reason. It feels good.”
“Oh, love. That’s great. Thank you for telling me.” The concerned expression is whipped off of Will’s face and it is replaced with that gooey smile once more. “How do you feel about pronouns at the moment?”
Nico was stunned by how quickly Will had accepted him. “H-he is good. But I don’t think I like masculine titles. Austin mentioned that--that Mx. was something a lot of nonbinary people used. Instead of, you know, Mr. and Mrs.”
“Alright, you got it.” Will nudged him. “What about compliments?”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“Are you okay with me calling you handsome? Or pretty? There are some neutral ones, too, if you would prefer those.”
Nico’s brain froze for a moment. “Those are--” He coughed. “They’re all fine.”
“Great.” Will leaned down and pressed a kiss to the tip of Nico’s nose. “I love you, darling.”
They’ve said it to each other before, but it feels more significant now. “I love you, too,” Nico said without hesitation.
“No matter what.” Will made eye contact with him.
“No matter what,” Nico repeated.