Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

I used to think that no one could drone on more than Stan, but I have been proven wrong. 

Words weren’t even making sense anymore; it was just sounds leaving this man’s mouth as he continued talking. I wasn’t even sure what he was talking about now; I’m assuming it’s the same thing he was talking about an hour ago, something related to politics.

I glanced to my left to see Lissa diligently taking notes, looking actually interested in what the professor was saying. I wasn’t sure where she found the drive to be actively paying attention in all her classes. 

Sweeping my eyes across the room at least proved I wasn’t the only one struggling to pay attention.

When I agreed to be part of Lissa’s Royal Guard, and then again to be one of her near guardians while she studied at Lehigh University, I never considered I would ever be this bored.

At least I could somewhat occupy my mind with watching the area around Lissa for any threats. But even that was redundant, considering that it was daytime and because there were another three Royal Guard members in this room with us. And then another two stood outside. Nothing was going to make it close to Lissa.

It was one of the requirements of the Council when Lissa announced that she would be attending university away from Court. She was to have at least six guardians with her at all times. Two near, two far and then another two maintaining the perimeter. Due to being close in age to Lissa, I was one of the near, along with Caleb Fischer. 

Working as part of the Royal Guard for the last two years, he was three years older than us and had a dry sense of humour, which was the only way I made it through most of Lissa’s classes. He sat on the other side of her, though he would use his height to look over her head at me and shoot me looks that told me he was just as bored. 

Caleb was one of the few guardians that were even close to reaching Dimitri’s height, and with dark curly hair and piercing eyes, he had gained quite the following on campus. A few of the girls in this class had tried approaching him, but they had yet to realise he swung the other way.

It had been hilarious to watch Dimitri make that realisation himself when he had met Caleb for the first time and was being hit on. Dimitri, always the perfect gentleman, turned him down as kindly as he could, all while giving me a deer in the headlights look. Little did he know I had encouraged Caleb to mess with him for some fun.

Thinking of Dimitri gave me a burst of excitement, knowing what was coming this weekend. I was turning the big twenty-one, officially legal to do everything fun in America. And to help celebrate that Dimitri, Christian and my parents were coming to Lissa’s mansion for the weekend. And as a bonus, Dimitri and Christian would be staying for a week, followed by us returning to Court with them for spring break.

The amount of time Dimitri and I had together was limited by us living here by the university, and he was back at Court guarding Christian. 

Christian had been studying himself but finished his culinary course in a year and has since been living at Court, teaching Moroi how to fight defensively. With Dimitri being his primary guardian, he had to follow wherever Christian went.

Though it was only an hour away from Court, the risk of driving back and forth for every class was more than the Royal Guard were willing to take, not to mention time-consuming. So instead, Lissa bought a house near the university that was turned into a fortress, with wards and guardians patrolling the premise at all times.

Every two weeks Lissa and her Royal Guard returned to Court where she would be in meetings and be updated on all the happenings at Court and around the world. She has entrusted the Council to take care of the smaller task as needed between visits with Christian providing as a proxy.

During those weekend visits, Dimitri and I tried to get as much time alone together as possible. But it was never enough. So just the idea of having him with me for two whole weeks thrilled me to no end.

“Oh look, she has her Dimitri face again.”

I blinked, pulling away from my thoughts, turning to face the owner of the voice. Caleb lent forward in his chair, rolling his eyes at me, Lissa beside him with a small smile. I scrunched up a piece of paper and threw it at Caleb.

“I do not have a Dimitri face,” I defended. Students around us were gathering their things. I must have become so lost in my thoughts that I missed us being dismissed. I quickly picked my things, scolding myself for becoming so distracted.

Caleb stood, he appeared laid back, but I could see the tension; like all guardians, he was always prepared for a fight. “Yes, you do. You get a sweet smile on your face, and it’s honestly disturbing.”

“I wasn’t even thinking about Dimitri.”

Lissa laughed, “Yes, you were.”

I shot her a look, cursing that she knew me so well. I groaned, throwing my bag over my shoulder, “Fine. So what if I was?”

Caleb tsked, “Guardians are meant to stay focused all the time. Shameful.”

I threw a glare over my shoulder at him, about to retort when another student strolled up to me.

“Hey, Rose!” 

I did little to hide my grimace. 

Henry was a student in two of Lissa’s other classes and this one, and at some point, he had decided that there was some connection between us. I would admit, he was easy on the eyes and book smart. But I was already spoken for, and so his constant advances were becoming more annoying. 

If he didn’t already know that Caleb was gay, I would just lie and say he was my boyfriend. I had told Henry about Dimitri previously, but he didn't believe he existed since he hadn’t seen Dimitri around me.

“Henry,” I greeted, keeping my tone polite but distant. Most would pick up on the obvious, but Henry didn’t give up easily.

He flashed me a pearly white smile, “I swear you were about to fall asleep. The lecture was pretty dry this time,” he laughed, falling into step with us.

I hated when students would get close to us. Caleb pulled Lissa closer to him while I ensured that Henry couldn’t get past me to her. Despite him being human and harmless, we didn’t want to take chances.

I brushed back my hair, sending a ‘help me’ look to Lissa and Caleb. “I was just busy thinking about my boyfriend visiting me this weekend.” I had long since dropped being subtle with my rejection, not that it helped.

“Is that right? Well, if he gets boring, you can call me. I know this great place for drinks.”

The self-confidence Henry had was both impressive and irritating. “Trust me, that won’t be happening,” I told him, making sure my voice was firm. Yet to be deterred, Henry opened his mouth to try again but was cut off.

“Sorry mate, we have to go.” Caleb came to my rescue, slotting his body between Henry and me; I quickly switched to Lissa’s other side. I gave a half-hearted wave before we walked off in the opposite direction to Henry.

Once out of earshot, I groaned, “Why won’t he just take a hint.”

“It’s that Rose charm.”

“Bite me, Fischer.”

Lissa placed her hand on my shoulder, “Don’t worry about him, just focus on how great this weekend is going to be.”

Taking a deep breath, I did as Lissa said, thinking about how much fun it would be once Dimitri was here.

“And there’s that face again.”

The drive from the university campus to the house we stayed at was just over ten minutes. The real estate agent working for Court managed to score big time and should be given a raise. The fact they were able to find a place big enough for us all to live in at this location still amazed me.

There were a total of twelve Royal Guards living there, including myself and Caleb. Six on shift at all times with Lissa. While the other’s changed shifts occasionally, Caleb and I both worked twelve-hour shifts during the day. If we weren’t at classes with her, we were just guarding her at the house or anywhere else we may be going that day. Or doing other small tasks that rotated through all the guardians.

Along with the Royal Guard, another eight guardians also patrolled the house’s perimeter and its land. Another reason why this place was a fortress.

The house they bought was large, closer to a mansion than a house, really, but Lissa disliked it when I called it that. The house was three levels, ten bedrooms and just as many bathrooms, two lounge rooms, a dining room, a sunroom, and a feeding room. Another small building is attached with four bedrooms and its own kitchen and living space for the other guardians. There was a lot of area to cover.

It was an adjustment at first, so many under one roof, but we found a way to exist. On weekends, when we didn’t go to Court, we would all hang out in one of the large lounge rooms or outside on the deck.

It was almost like a weird family set-up, and I enjoyed it.

The large metal gate opened so that we could drive through. We travelled by two cars, three of us with Lissa and the other three guardians in a second car. All part of keeping a low profile. No one questions when two sedans park at the university, but people notice when a van carrying seven people shows up.

Caleb was driving, with Lev in the passenger seat. Lev was another guardian that was close in age and a close friend of Caleb’s. Though I was suspecting more. I sat in the back with Lissa, 

They all say it was just safer for me to be next to her, being one of the best fighters in the group, but I knew none of them trusted me to drive. You reverse into a pole once, and suddenly you are a terrible driver.

Erik, Luka, and Andrew rode in the other car; they were all in their mid to late twenties. Erik had even been in the same year as Dimitri at St. Basil’s in Russia. I had tried to get any embarrassing stories about Dimitri’s teenage days from him, but it seemed Dimitri had already made sure the man would never talk. 

Entering through the private garage to the house, we were all able to relax behind these walls. There was a couple of hours still until sunset, meaning the threats were low. One of us still made sure to have Lissa in our sight at all times. 

While I would just sit next to her or hang out with her and do homework, the others would be in the hallway or standing against some wall in whichever room she was in. Over the last two years, she had managed to wear some of the guardians down to be more casual around her, but mainly only Caleb and Lev.

Once again, because it was easier and safer, I just naturally would spend all my time with Lissa, at least until six p.m., when my shift was over, and Dimitri would call. I had some time until then, so I decided to make an afternoon snack for us.

Lissa had also become used to being around me until my shift ended, following me into the kitchen and pulling out her books, taking a seat on one of the stools lining the kitchen island. 

Like every other room in the house, the kitchen was large, needing to be for the number of people that use it. We would try to get all together for a meal on weekends, but it was often a fend for yourselves during the week. However, Caleb and Lev had got into the habit of making a meal for both Lissa and me when they cooked.

Lissa had a private chef at first, but when Christian lived here, he took over cooking meals, and she never got around to replacing him. 

I preferred it this way, doing it ourselves, and I know Lissa did as well. While she was happy being Queen, she enjoyed these moments where she could feel like a normal Moroi.

Opening the fridge, I pulled out a juice for Lissa and a soft drink for myself. Lissa wasn’t hungry after classes, but I needed something to replenish the energy I spent trying to keep my eyes open all day. I grabbed a pop tart and heated it in the toaster.

With my meal ready, I took the seat beside her. “Did I miss anything important today?”

She shot me a look, “Only more information about the paper due next week.”

“Oh,” I grinned, “I already finished that.” I didn’t care about getting a degree, but I knew I needed to keep my grades up enough to pass to continue being in Lissa’s classes. Plus, with Dimitri coming, I didn’t want to waste my time with him doing homework, so I made sure everything was finished in advance.

She smiled, “Look at you. Who knew you were such a good student.”

My mouth full of a pop tart, I struggled to swallow before speaking, “No, I’m just a great guardian.”

“Eww, Rose,” she cringed back from me.

“Oh, afternoon Princess, Rose,” Another Royal Guard entered the kitchen, Chelsy, the only other female living in the house with us. She was older than us and often kept out of our less mature conversations, but I enjoyed working with her. 

I did a two-finger wave while Lissa greeted her properly.

Chelsy grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge; she was dressed to go running before her shift. She was one of the two senior guardians that organised our work schedules. The other is Sergei, a stoic Russian that could give Hans a run for his money for his gruff attitude. They were both in their late thirties and had almost as many good battle stories as my mother did.

“Packages arrived for you two. I put them in your rooms,” Chelsy told us as she exited through the side door to the backyard. 

I grinned, quickly finishing off my food. Lissa and I had done some online shopping to get some surprises for our significant others. Excited to try it on and possibly tease Dimitri with a bit of a sneak peek, I hopped off the stool.

“Well, Lissa, I have a certain Russian to call,” I picked up my bag, “I will see you later.” 

Lissa shook her head, smiling at my barely contained excitement. Before I left her, I called in Lev to take my spot, watching Lissa until his shift finished. Once he was in the room, I quickly ran up the stairs to my own. Lissa’s was on the third floor, mine next to hers, thankfully the wall was thick, so it wasn’t awkward when Christian and Dimitri were here.

The two guest rooms were up here as well as Chelsy’s. Being the only girls, we were all placed up here, and our rooms came with their own bathrooms. It wasn’t a bad set-up, especially since I don’t have to share, unlike the other guards. 

I had a large king-size bed that I ensured was long enough for Dimitri to sleep on comfortably when I bought it and a large closet that had a space just for his clothes, just like I did at his apartment.

With how limited time Dimitri and I had together, we tried to make up for it any way we could. One of the ways is a nightly video chat before bed. It was what I looked forward to most days. And tonight, I got to have a little extra fun with it.

“Roza.”

Dimitri’s deep voice groaned out through the phone, making me grin. I rolled over in my bed so I was on my stomach, readjusting my phone so it was leaning up against my pillows facing me. The position gave Dimitri a great view of my cleavage in the new underwear I had bought.

“So you like it?” I asked, acting coy. The intense desire in his eyes clearly told me that he did. 

“Yes, I like it very much,” He responded, lounged in his own bed, shirtless, with an arm behind his head to prop himself up. I loved seeing his arm flexed like that, and he knew it.

I grinned, pulling a box into view, “Well, you have this and many others to look forward to seeing in three days, comrade.” Shaking the box at the camera with a wink. 

He groaned again, “Roza, you're going to make waiting three days very difficult.”

I giggled. After being officially together for almost three years, I never tire of knowing how much I still affected him.

“So, what are your plans for tomorrow?” He asked, trying to distract himself from the view I was giving him.

I shuffled on the bed again, turning so I was sitting up against my headboard and holding the phone away from me enough that Dimitri could see all of the lacy bra I wore. “I drew the short straw, so I am doing the food run tomorrow morning with the new guy. Have to show him the ropes.”

The rotating tasks were shared between the Royal Guard and the other guardians. Once a week, two are sent to buy food for the two kitchens; this week was my turn.

Dimitri’s eyes kept flicking from the bra to my face and then back down. 

I gave him a playful glare, “Eyes up here, comrade.”

He flushed, but that didn’t make the desire leave his eyes, “How is the new guardian?”  

I shrugged; having only spoken to him for a couple of minutes in passing, I hadn’t formed much of an opinion yet, “He seems nice enough, full of energy. It was a bit much.”

Dimitri chuckled, “I remember you being very excited to be a guardian.”

“I was excited to be Lissa’s guardian. This kid is excited just to walk around the wards.”

“He’s the same age as you, Rose.”

“No,” I shook my head, “I am a year older than him. Therefore, he is a kid.”

He grinned, “And what does that make you?”

“I am a young woman, who is almost legally allowed to drink,” I told him knowingly.

Another groan escaped him, but this time it was exasperated. “I haven’t forgotten.”

“You are still taking me out to a bar, right?” Dimitri had promised me last year he would, and I was determined that he kept his word.

He had a weary look at the reminder, “Yes, but I am not doing shots.”

I pouted, “Guess I will just have to find someone else to do body shots off of.”

“Rose,” His tone had deepened in warning. I laughed at his reaction, a small part of me enjoying it when he became jealous. 

One of our most intense nights of sex was after I had been continually hit on by Moroi men at one of Lissa’s functions. I wasn’t working, but Dimitri was, and he wasn’t able to whisk me away from all the attention like he wanted to. After he had finished his shift, he had all but carried me back to his apartment.

Just the memory of it caused a warm feeling to spread through my body.

“You have nothing to worry about, Dimitri. We will have a couple of drinks, and then we can come home, and you can remove these,” I pulled at the strap of my bra, “and give me some great birthday sex.” I winked again and bit my lower lip for good measure, knowing what it did to him.

His sharp inhale made me smirk. 

Then to be the mean girlfriend I was, I had to leave him hanging with that visual. “Well, early start tomorrow. I have to go.”

He glared at me, knowing exactly what I was doing, but it turned into a chuckle, “Just you wait until I get there, Roza.” He teased, making me flush with anticipation. With one of his rare full smiles, his eyes softened, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight, Rose.”

I smiled, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

After hanging up, I laid the phone next to me, already missing the sound of his voice. Just a couple more days, and I will have him for a whole two weeks.

The next morning Lissa was already awake; while Dimitri would call me at night before he started his day, Christian would call Lissa in our morning at the end of his night. Being on the two different schedules was difficult at times, but it was just another thing we had grown used to.

She was at the dining table, the textbook opened in front of her, but all her attention was on her phone. I passed the kitchen counter to grab an apple and then slipped into the seat beside her taking a bite.

“That’s not homework,” I commented, peering at Victoria’s Secret website she was looking at on her phone.

She flushed, glancing around the kitchen; Chelsy was against the far wall with a view of all the exits. This early in the morning, those on the day shift were still getting ready, and the night shift would be doing their last checks over the house and outside. Chelsy would be getting replaced soon.

Seeing that it was only Chelsy still, Lissa sighed, “I still need to find something to surprise Christian with.”

I raised my eyebrows, “I thought you just got stuff.”

“It’s not right. I need something special ,” She replied, swiping through the options again.

“Special?” I glanced over at her, “Special how? Is something happening that I’m not aware of?”

Lissa blushed, “Well,” Trailing off, unsure.

“Well?”

“I think he may ask a question.”

I had an idea of where this may be heading but wanted her to confirm it, “A question? As in…”

“As in the question.”

Yep . I had been wondering if Lissa had picked up on Christian behaviour recently, and I guess she had. I was honestly surprised he hadn’t asked her sooner, but things do get a bit complicated when your girlfriend is also Queen. “So you think he is going to ask you this soon?”

“Yesterday, he said that he has something important to talk to me about when he gets here,” Lissa explained. I could tell she was both nervous and excited by the idea.

“Maybe he is going to break up with you,” I joked, taking another bite of my apple. Laughing at the glare she sent me, “Okay, sorry. He isn’t going to break up with you.”

She folded her arms, “He promised it was good news.”

“I’m sure he won’t care too much about what you’re wearing underneath if he does propose. Besides, it isn’t like you will be wearing it for long after.” I grinned at the blush that covered her face, how she could still be so shy about her sex life with me after I had literally seen their couplings—something that I will never miss about the bond.

“Rose! This is a big deal!”

I pointed a finger at her. “Just don’t steal my birthday thunder,” I warned.

“What’s stealing your thunder?”

Both of us snapped our eyes to Caleb as he entered the kitchen, ready and alert for his shift.

I responded before Lissa could, “Christian is proposing,” I ignored the look of betrayal on Lissa’s face.

Caleb paused, looking up to the ceiling with a dramatic wave of his hands, “About time! I was worried I would have to watch him panicking all week.”

“Just think about how nervous he will be when he asks.”

“Do you think he will faint?”

I smirked, “That is possible. We should film it.”

“Would you two please stop!” Lissa groaned, shooting me a look. The amount of time the three of us would spend together due to classes had caused us to grow close. Caleb often joined in with me teasing Lissa, and Christian when he was here.

I glanced down at my watch, jumping up from my seat, “Lucky you, I have to meet the kid and show him how we do the shopping.”

Chelsy spoke up, breaking her silence, “Try not to scare him off like you did the last one. Sergei would not be happy.”

I gasped in offence, “I did not scare them off. It’s not my fault if they couldn’t handle it.”

“Rose, you put a snake in their bed,” Lissa levelled me with a look. She may act disapproving, but I saw her laughing with everyone else when the guy screamed.

I shrugged my shoulders, “It wasn’t even venomous, and it was Christian’s idea.”

She shook her head, closing her textbook, giving up on the pretence of studying, “Just be nice to him. That’s an order.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” I saluted, winking at Caleb as I left the kitchen. I walked through the hallway to the main entrance, grabbing my wallet and a set of keys. It was still cold in Bethlehem, so I used the pockets on my leather jacket to conceal my silver stake. It didn’t matter that it was daytime; I had grown used to having it with me at all times.

I paused to check my reflection in the hallway mirror, running a hand through my hair to smooth it; it was down to hide my tattoos. I wore a fitted maroon shirt and dark washed jeans. Living in the human world, we had to keep a low profile and fit in, which meant casual wear, no uniforms.

As I left the main house, I sent a text to the group chat I shared with the guardians in the house, letting them know that we were leaving soon for the food run. As I approached the second building, where the other guardians lived, I saw the new guy already waiting at the sedan we were using today. Lissa had her cars in the garage attached to the main house, and we kept the other cars over here for guardians to use as needed.

I eyed the kid, Emiliano Russo, who was just a year younger than me, but his face was boyish with bright green eyes. It stood in contrast compared to his height and muscular build. It was like a fourteen-year-old boy's head on the body of a nineteen-year-old.

Noticing me approaching, his face lit up, shaking his floppy hair out of his face, “Guardian Hathaway, looking forward to working with you today.”

“Morning, Guardian Russo. Are you ready to go?”

Nodding his head eagerly. I moved towards the car but frowned when he stepped in my way, blocking me from the driver’s door.

I stared him down, as best as I could, being shorter than him by almost a foot, but he still bristled from the look. “What are you doing, Russo?”

“Well, I was informed by Guardian Fischer that you aren’t allowed to be driving.”

I crossed my arms, making a mental note to punch Caleb when we returned. “Fischer told you that?”

The kid shuffled uncomfortably, not standing down. “Yes, ma’am.”

I huffed in irritation before handing over the keys, “Fine.”

Russo was a good driver, at least, granted I wouldn’t admit it out loud. I was sitting in the passenger seat as he weaved through the traffic. It was silent for the first couple of minutes of the drive, but now easy conversation flowed. He was excitedly asking questions about my achievements, even about being trained by the legendary Guardian Belikov. When I had told him that Dimitri was going to be visiting for a week, his face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

“Do you think he would teach me some moves?” He asked, practically bouncing in his seat.

I grinned, knowing that Dimitri teaching him anything would most likely end with him having his ass handed to him, and I immensely enjoyed watching Dimitri take people down when sparring. “Sure, I don’t see why not.”

His eyes somehow managed to get wider, making me laugh.

The good mood broke, the blaring of a horn and screeching of tires making us both look to the right, watching as an SUV blew through the light, coming directly at us. I had a moment to brace for impact before we collided. 

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

Dimitri POV

I took slow, deep breaths, needing to steady myself.

This couldn’t be happening.

I kept thinking that same sentence over and over, hoping that it would become the truth. But as I sat in the passenger seat of the car, driving towards Bethlehem, I was reminded that it wasn’t.

My phone ringing had woken me before a loud knocking on my door; instantly awake, picking up my phone as I pulled on my pants to answer the door.

“Belikov,” I answered the phone. My mind already running through the many possibilities for why I have been woken. None of them good.

“ Dimitri, this is Caleb ,” the voice on the other end answered. A sense of dread going through me.

The dread turned into panic as I opened the door to reveal a dishevelled Christian.

“What happened?” My throat had become tight, having to force the words out.

“ There was a car accident. Rose has been taken to the hospital. We don’t know all the details yet, but we are heading there now and will keep you updated.”

As I threw together a quick bag of clothes, Christian informed me he had been talking to Lissa when she found out and had already organised a car and someone to drive us to the hospital. Part of me didn’t see the point in needing someone else to drive, but from how my hands shook as I packed, I understood it was necessary.

It wasn’t a long drive to Bethlehem, but each second I sat here with no new information felt like an eternity. Caleb had made it to the hospital, Lissa remaining at her house for the time being. All they had been told was that Rose was alive and was having tests done. The other guardian in the car, walking away with minor injuries.

When they had told me that she had been sitting on the side that was hit and was unconscious at the scene, my heart almost stopped.

I sent up another silent prayer that she would be okay.

Finally, we were close to the hospital; Christian decided to drop me off and then head to Lissa’s house to keep her company. As I exited the car, I promised to call him as soon as I knew anything.

Stepping into the waiting room, I quickly found Caleb and the other guardian with him. I had been around him many times when with Rose, building a friendship. He instantly stood as I approached them.

“Is there anything new?” I asked, struggling to control my voice and emotions. Once I knew she was okay, everything would be fine.

Caleb shook his head, “They haven’t updated us in half an hour. They aren’t telling us much because we aren’t family.”

Turning away from them, I marched up to the nurse’s desk. The woman was giving me a flirtatious look, but I just stared back impassively. “My girlfriend was in a car accident and was brought in here. Rose Hathaway.”

Her face dropped in disappointment before searching for information on the computer. “She is in with Doctor Webber currently.”

“Is there any update on her condition? Can I see her?” I was becoming impatient, my control breaking. Forcing myself to breathe and calm down, knowing that falling apart right now would achieve nothing.

“Doctor Webber shouldn’t be much longer. I’ll let her know that you are here.”

Accepting what I could get, I thanked her and returned to the two guardians. “She’s still with the doctor,” I told Caleb as he looked at me expectantly. Disappoint pulling at his features. I knew he and Rose were close, his own concerns for her showing in the drawn look of his face. I wasn’t familiar with the other guardian; he wasn’t a Royal Guard. Based on the scratches on his face and wrapping on his wrist, I guessed he was the one that was in the car with Rose.

I wanted to question him about what happened but knew I wouldn’t be able to remain calm doing it. So I turned away from him. 

Rather than sit I paced the waiting room, which was surprisingly empty, though it was almost noon in the human day. 

I had just come off a twelve-hour shift when I received the call. Due to my calls with Rose, I had developed the habit of sleeping almost as soon as I got home so that I could wake up early and spend as long on the phone with her as I could.

It wasn’t too long before a female doctor approached us, “For Rose Hathaway?”

“Yes,” I replied instantly, Caleb and the other guardian both standing. The three of us easily towering over the doctor.

“Right,” Her eyes flicked between each of us before coming to land on mine, “Miss Hathaway was very fortunate. There is no internal bleeding or injuries.”

I relaxed slightly, having wound myself up imagining all the worst possible outcomes.

“But, she did sustain a head injury in the crash and is still unconscious.”

My breath caught. “Will she be okay?”

“As of right now, I am feeling positive. We won’t know more, though, until she wakes up.”

“And how long will that take?”

She gave me a sympatric smile, “We don’t know. Could be anywhere from hours to days.”

Taking another breath to steady myself, I asked, “Can I see her?”

The doctor nodded, gesturing back the way she came. Caleb gave me a nod in encouragement, telling me he would update everyone. With that, I followed Doctor Webber through the hallways to Rose’s room.

I tried to mentally prepare myself for what I was about to see, but as soon as my eyes landed on her small form on the bed, it felt like all the air had been knocked out of me.

She looked so fragile and pale. Machines were hooked up to her, the steady beeping of her heartbeat the only sound in the room. Her right side had bandages around her arm running up to her neck, deep bruises peeking out from underneath them. Her head had a bandage on one side, from her forehead down to her jaw—the stain of blood showing on the white material.

“If there is any change or if you have any questions, just press the call button on the wall. I’ll be back later to check on her.”

I didn’t pay much attention to the doctor, making my way to Rose’s left side, clasping her hand in mine. I felt like I had to be careful with her as if she could break at any moment. The sight of her in a hospital bed like this reminded me of when she had been shot. A memory I wish I could forget.

Dragging a chair over so I could sit by her, I released a ragged breath. Moisture building up in my eyes, I blinked it back. She will be fine. I kept reminding myself.

Taking her hand in mine again, I kissed her knuckles. “I’m here now, Roza. I need you to wake up, okay. You need to open those beautiful eyes of yours.”

I could imagine her peeking at me through one eye before a large grin would spread over her face, and she would make some joke about being in Russia god heaven. But she remained still.

One tear slipped out and down my cheek. “It’s okay, Roza. I won’t leave your side.” I promised, pressing another kiss to her hand.

It has been almost two days since the accident, and Rose still hadn’t woken up.

It was taking every shred of control I had to keep myself from demanding an answer from the doctor as to why she was still asleep, why there had been no change.

I never once left her side, talking to her constantly, hoping she was listening, that maybe my voice would lead her back to us. I reminded her that her birthday was tomorrow and that we had a party planned. I even tried threatening to withhold her gift if she didn’t wake up right now.

She was only allowed two visitors at a time. Lissa and Christian had both been by each day; their reaction to seeing her on the bed was similar to mine. Abe had arrived late yesterday; Lissa called to inform him, which I was thankful for. I hadn’t been able to think about much past Rose.

Abe had taken care of telling Janine; she couldn’t change her flight and wouldn’t be here until this afternoon, one of Abe’s guardians picking her up and bringing her here after her flight gets in.

We had tried to get Rose transferred to the hospital at Court but was told that she shouldn’t be moved until she woke up. And because this was a human hospital, it would be difficult for Lissa to come in and heal Rose without bringing up a lot of questions that we weren’t sure how to answer.

And so, I sat and waited for some sign that Rose was going to wake soon.

Lifting my hand to turn the page of my book, then returned my hand to Rose’s, wrapping my fingers around hers. I was thankful that Christian had thought to bring one of my westerns with them when they visited yesterday. It gave me something to focus on rather than the minutes that passed without any movement from Rose.

Just the steady rise and fall of her chest.

I flicked my eyes over to the door as it opened, Abe entering.

He crossed to stand on her other side, gently stroking her hair. Due to how fast she heals naturally, many of the bruises and minor cuts were fading, though the sight still took my breath away. The long gash on her forehead was red and angry, though no longer bleeding.

“You should take some time to refresh yourself,” Abe commented.

I shook my head, having refused such offers from the others as well, “I will stay here until she wakes up.”

“I’m not saying you need to leave, but just walk around the hallways to stretch your legs. Maybe eat something. If Rose saw what you were doing to yourself, she wouldn’t be too pleased.”

I clenched my jaw, knowing he was right. Laying my book on the bed, rubbing my brow with my fingers, I couldn’t deny that food and coffee sounded amazing right now. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had eaten.

Sensing my resolve breaking, Abe nodded towards the door, “Come on. We’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”

Slowly I stood from my chair, leaning down to kiss her, “I’ll be right back, Roza.”

Rose POV

I woke to the sound of beeping.

Constant beeping.

Everything hurt, my head pounding in time with the beeping. It took a couple of tries, but I finally managed to lift my eyelids enough to see around me. The room’s brightness was too much, needing to blink multiple times before I could handle the light.

I was surprised to be surrounded by white walls of what I believed was a hospital.

Slowly that surprise turned to confusion. 

How the hell did I end up in a hospital?

Trying to ignore the pain in my skull, I focused on what I could remember. I was in Russia. I was with Dimitri- 

No. Not Dimitri. 

I was with the monster that wore his face. 

I had tried to escape, managing to find a window to jump out of. I remember looking back at Dimitri one last time as he squared off against three Strigoi. And then I jumped…

And then nothing.

I gingerly sat up, checking over my body. My right side was pretty beaten up. I must have landed badly. But that didn’t explain how I was in a hospital.

I disconnected the wires from me and slowly stood from the bed, taking a second to steady my legs when I put my weight on them. 

How long had I been in that bed?

Once I felt capable, I stepped towards the door; it was open enough that I could peek out into the hallway. Glancing around, I was surprised that all the words on the posters and signs were in English. Surely, if this was a hospital in Russia, it should be in Russian.

I was about to venture out when two figures in the hallway made me freeze. 

Though his back was to me, there was no denying who it was. I had long since memorised every curve and line of his form. 

Dimitri.

I had assumed he wouldn’t survive taking on that many Strigoi by himself, but once again, he has proven how powerful he is. Did he bring me here? It didn’t make sense for him to bring me to a hospital. I had been prepared for him to kill me if he got his hands on me, but maybe he wasn’t done with me yet.

It took me a moment to place the man next to him, but then it clicked. Zmey. His being here was even more confusing. Though a mob boss working with a Strigoi wasn’t a complete surprise. He had implied that someone sent him to get me out of Russia. What if that whole time it was Dimitri that was trying to get me to leave? Knowing what would happen if I found him.

What I failed to do.

I couldn’t hear what they were saying; Dimitri’s back still to me. I watched as Zmey answered his phone; after a couple of words exchanged, they both turned the corner.

I had no idea what was happening, and I didn’t give myself time to figure it out. All I knew was that I needed to get away from Dimitri before he returned. 

Checking the hallway once more, I slipped out of the room, closing the door after me so no one would look in and see the empty bed. I went the opposite direction to Dimitri and Zmey, thankful that it should be somewhat easy to lose them in a hospital.

Once far enough away, I slipped into an empty room and started pacing. I didn’t know where I was, though I was beginning to suspect that we were no longer in Russia. The pain in my head made it difficult to think clearly, but I had to figure out a plan. I needed to get somewhere safe.

I glanced down at myself, grimacing at the hospital gown I wore. The first thing I needed was clothes. And money. Then I can figure out where I am and get the hell away from here. 

With a semblance of a plan, I left the room I was in. It didn’t take long, following the signs, to find the locker rooms. Luckily, it was empty.

Going from locker to locker, I tried pulling on the doors until one opened. Fortunately for me, it was a woman’s locker. I quickly switched the gown for a pair of deep green scrubs, having to roll the pants’ cuffs, so they weren’t dragging on the ground as I walked. Their shoes were a little big but fit well enough.

I felt bad going through their wallet, but I was desperate, taking the couple of notes they had and shoving them into the pocket of my pants. And lastly, I took their hoodie, grateful for something to cover my face.

I tried a couple of more lockers, finding some others unlocked and taking the cash I could find. By the time I was leaving the room, I had a couple hundred.

The accent of the voice over the intercom was familiar. Leaving me more perplexed as to how exactly Dimitri managed to get me to a hospital in America. And why? 

I could only assume that Galina’s set-up had tumbled after I helped Dimitri kill her, and he needed to relocate.

“Security to the third floor.” The intercom voice called.

I panicked; that was my floor, which means they are actively looking for me now. I slipped into the stairwell; I just had to sneak out through the exit without anyone noticing me. Luckily, changing my clothes helped; in scrubs, they would assume I was an employee heading home.

I didn’t let myself pause until I was out in the parking lot of the hospital. I was panting from the exertion; my body did not want to be moving right now. Once I felt that I was far enough away, I hid behind a car by some bushes.

It was still bright out, so Dimitri wouldn’t be able to look for me himself, but any humans or Moroi that may be working for him could, so I couldn’t stay here long.

At least I now knew where I was, the sign for the hospital within sight, Bethlehem Hospital .

I was in Pennsylvania and close to Court. Closer than I was comfortable with. If this was where Dimitri was setting up business, it could only mean bad news for those at Court.

While Court would be closer and easier to get to, I didn’t know anyone there. At least no one that would trust my word completely if I tried to warn them about Strigoi being an hour away. No, I needed to go somewhere safe and with someone who would listen to me.

That left one place—St. Vladimir’s.

While flying would be quicker, I had no ID to buy a ticket or board with, so the next option was the bus—a very long bus ride.

I carefully made my way to the main road, constantly checking over my shoulder for anyone that might be following me. It was easier to wave down a ride than I thought it would be, an elderly couple stopping and agreed to drive me to Philadelphia. 

I wanted to get as far from the hospital as I could and knowing it would be easier to get a bus from there. I was glad that they didn’t look too closely at my face or ask too many questions. Instead, they told me stories of their marriage and how they were celebrating in Philadelphia for the weekend. I had offered to pay them for the lift, but they turned me down.

Once in Philadelphia, I went straight to the bus station and bought tickets to Missoula. It would take two days and a couple of stops, but at least it got me far away from Dimitri. Thankfully the cash I stole would be enough to cover the bus tickets.

I got a lot of weird looks, but no questions. I hadn’t taken the chance to look at myself in a mirror and didn’t really feel like it. Instead, I rushed to make it to my first bus.

I forced myself to stay awake despite how much my body begged for rest; once I was on the second bus from New York to Chicago, I could sleep.

In New York, I received fewer looks, effortlessly blending in with the crowds. I was grateful that the bus wasn’t full, so I had the two seats to myself and quickly fell asleep.

I was woken by a hand shaking my shoulder. I tensed instinctually, prepared to fight.

“Miss, we have arrived,” The owner of the hand told me.

I remembered where I was, travelling across the country by bus, which I somehow managed to sleep for almost fifteen hours on. Thanking the man for waking me, I exited and worked my way to my next bus, which luckily wasn’t long, transferring me to another bus station for my next leg of the trip.

The sleep had helped, making me more aware and clearing up some of the fog in my mind. I realised that I probably should have just gone to Court, but it was too late to turn back now. Not to mention I had no money left to go back to Pennsylvania. With enough time and money to buy food and water, I boarded my third bus taking me to Minneapolis.

Wide awake now, I tried to work out what I would tell Alberta or anyone else when they asked where I had been and how I knew Dimitri was here. At least I could look forward to seeing Lissa and helping her through the weird situation she has found herself in with Avery. There was something wrong with that girl, and I was going to find out what.

With everything that had happened, I hadn’t thought to check on Lissa. I had time now, so I relaxed into my chair, closing my eyes and tried to slip into Lissa’s mind.

Only I couldn’t.

I tried to feel what Lissa was feeling. Maybe I was being blocked again?

I couldn’t feel her. I couldn’t feel anything.

The bond was gone.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

The bond was gone.

I felt panic rising.

How was the bond gone? Did something happen while I was at the hospital?

Did something happen to Lissa?

I had no way of contacting her, or anyone for that matter, and I was stuck on this bus for eight hours.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I whipped my head to the side, the woman across the aisle watching me with concerned eyes. I realised then that I was practically hyperventilating.

I shook my head, “Sorry, I’m just worried about a friend.” I didn’t want her to ask too many questions, but I realised my mistake in looking at her; she saw my face. I had seen flashes of it in the reflection of the bus windows and knew it didn’t look pretty.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

I was about to say no when I had an idea, “Could I borrow your phone to make a phone call?”

She raised her eyebrows but handed over her phone, “Sure.”

I quickly dialled Lissa’s number, knowing it off by heart. The palms of my hands were sweating nervously as I waited for her to pick up, but it rang out. I hung up without leaving a message.

It’s okay, Rose. I calmed myself. Just because she wasn’t answering didn’t mean that something bad had happened.

With a forced smile, I returned the phone to the lady. She kept shooting me looks of concern, but I ignored them and stared out the window. There wasn’t anything I could do right now, I had to wait until I got to the Academy, and then I’m sure everything would work itself out.

I kept repeating that everything would be fine, even as dread settled in my stomach like a stone.

By the time I made it to Missoula, I was dead on my feet, and I wasn’t even done yet. I still had another two hours to travel before I made it back to the Academy. I have never in my life wished so hard that I knew how to hotwire a car.

It took a couple of tries, but I finally found someone willing to drive me in exchange for what money I had left.

I had them drop me a couple of miles away from the school; after watching them disappear in the distance, I started to walk towards the front gates. It was a twenty-minute walk that was becoming more difficult with each step. I may have slept a lot on the buses here, but my body was still struggling.

Encouraging myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other with the promise of a warm meal, a comfy bed, and a hot shower, and not necessarily in that order.

Finally, the gates came into view, the guardians patrolling it standing on the other side watching me.

“Who's there? What do you want?”

I slowly approached the gate, pulling back my hood so that they could see my face, but I didn’t recognise these guardians. They must be replacements that were hired after I left. “Rose Hathaway,” I told them, making sure to not come off as threatening, “Call Alberta. She knows who I am.”

If they called her, that should clear up any questions about me and then I can go and sit down before I pass out.

The guardian eyed me, putting a finger to his ear and speaking in a hushed tone. After a couple of minutes, they opened the gate and waved me through. A female guardian on the other side did a double-take when she saw my face.

“Are you okay?”

I shrugged, not even sure myself. “I’m fine.” I didn’t want her asking what happened because even I didn’t know. All I know is that if anyone could help me, it would be Alberta.

The women led me to the golf cart that they kept by the gate in case they needed to move quickly. I must have looked close enough to keeling over that they deemed it necessary. Climbing in and gripping the bar in front of me as tightly as I could as the women drove. I had to grit my teeth from how much it jilted my injuries.

Soon the entrance to the administration building came into view, which I had never been so thankful to see. I stepped off the cart just as Alberta exited the building, rushing towards us. Her expression was both confused and concerned.

She let out a gasp as she took in my injuries, “Rose, what happened?”

I glanced at the guardian behind me and then back at Alberta, “Can we talk inside?” I didn’t feel like having this conversation with others around. Especially ones I didn’t know.

Seeming to understand, Alberta nodded, “How about we go to the clinic, get you checked out.”

I didn’t want to be poked and prodded but realised that it would be better for me to lie down and make sure everything was fine, considering I woke up in the hospital two days ago. 

As I took a step forward, my legs gave out; luckily, Alberta was quick, her arm looping under mine before I could collide with the ground. She took most of my weight, helping me walk.

“Rose -” She started again, but I cut her off.

“I’ll explain soon, I promise.” 

Accept my word, we entered the building, making our way to the clinic. I was glad that I arrived early in the Moroi morning; no students were hanging out in the hallways to see me being half-dragged, half-carried through by Alberta. 

I managed to make it to an empty bed in the clinic, panting as my body protested every movement. My head was pounding, making me feel sick. We weren’t alone for long, a third woman strutting into the room, heels clicking on the floor.

“Rose?” Dr Olendzki asked, caught off guard but then quickly rushed forward. “What happened?”

“That’s what I would like to know,” Alberta crossed her arms in front of her, waiting.

I shifted back on the bed, getting comfortable; Dr Olendzki leant over me, examining my head. “First,” I started, “is Lissa okay?”

Alberta raised her eyebrows, perplexed. “I believe so.”

I gave her a look, “You believe so? You don’t know for sure?”

“Rose, just tell us what happened, and then we can discuss Lissa.”

Huffing, I relented, “Fine. I woke up in a hospital in Pennsylvania, no idea how I got there, so I snuck out and came here. When I tried to check on Lissa through the bond, I couldn’t feel anything. So please tell me, is Lissa okay?”

Alberta’s eyes were wide by the time I finished my explanation. She opened her mouth to respond when Dr Olendzki spoke first.

“I think you need to rest, Rose.” She gently nudged me back to the bed.

I tried to push back, but my body had become weak, “No, I need to see Lissa first.”

Dr Olendzki nodded, “Yes, we will go get her, and she will be here when you wake up.”

I eyed her, there was something that didn’t seem right, but I was too tired to figure out what it was. “Lissa is at the school?”

“Yes, she’ll be here soon,” Alberta told me. She sounded sincere, so I believed her, not knowing why she would lie. I gave in and let myself be laid out on the bed. 

Happy that I wasn’t fighting anymore, Dr Olendzki turned on her heel and took Alberta by her elbow, leading her out of the room. “Just sleep, Rose.” Dr Olendzki said as she flicked off the light and closed the door.

Now in darkness, my eyelids struggled to stay open, and soon I was asleep.

I wasn’t sure what woke me. I thought I heard yelling, but I couldn’t be sure. It was silent again, other than the sound of someone running in the hall. The sound was getting closer until it stopped outside my door. 

My body tensed as I heard the handle being turned, light streaming in as the door was pushed wide open. My blood froze as I listened to the person sigh, their deep voice echoing off the walls of the room.

“Roza.”

How did he get here? Strigoi can’t cross the wards unless they are broken again.

My breath caught. I had heard screaming.

Strigoi were attacking the school again, and Dimitri had found me.

And I had no weapon.

I tried to keep my heartbeat steady, hoping he wouldn’t notice how fast it was beating right now. If I were lucky, he would think I’m still sleeping and give me an opening to fight him off. Just long enough that I can escape.

Luckily I had been sleeping on my side, so he couldn’t see my eyes as I watched his shadow come closer. Listening to his footsteps, waiting for the right moment.

His hand came to rest on my hip. I waited until he was leaning over me before I struck.

Putting as much power behind it as I could, I threw my elbow back and into his face, hearing the crunch of his nose as it impacted. Dimitri released a groan, jerking back from me. I took the opportunity to jump off the bed and aimed a kick at his chest, making him collide with the wall. 

I ran before he could stand back up, that wouldn’t slow him for long, but I just needed enough time to find a weapon, or a guardian, or -

As if answering my prayers, Alberta rounded the corner. 

“Alberta!” I rushed to her side, risking a glance back before turning to her, “I need your stake!” I demanded.

Her hands gripped my arms, eyes perplexed, “Rose, what’s wrong? Why do you -”

“I need it! He’s coming.”

“Who?”

His footsteps were echoing down the hallway, straight towards us. He called out, “Rose!”

I cursed. I needed to act now, and I couldn’t hesitate again. Reaching under Alberta’s jacket, I gripped the stake I knew she kept there, pulling it from the hoister and spinning on Dimitri. His eyes widened as I held it at the ready.

He stopped, bringing his hands out in front of him, blood running down his face from my hit. “Rose. What are you doing?”

I ignored how much he reminded me of my Dimitri, telling myself that this wasn’t the man I loved anymore. This was just a monster wearing his face. “I’m not hesitating.”

I lunged at him.

He moved quickly. Now he is prepared for my attacks; it was harder to catch him off guard. He was dodging my blows, just barely avoiding the tip of the stake as I tried to slash at his chest. However, he wasn’t hitting back. He wants to turn me.  

Realising he wasn’t going to go on the offensive, I pushed forward but halted when he caught my arm.

“Roza! Please, listen to me. You have to stop!”

God, why does he have to call me that? “You aren’t him!” I screamed, more to myself than him. I twisted my arm in his grip, managing to drag the tip of the stake across his face, making him pull back with a yell of pain. 

I went to strike again but froze at my name being yelled.

“Rose, stop!”

I looked over my shoulder at Lissa and Christian standing beside Alberta. Each stared at me in shock.

It was only a second, but it was enough of a distraction for Dimitri to wrap his arms around me, pinning mine against my body. I tried to struggle, to break his grip on me, but it was solid. I had messed up again, and now there was no way he would let me escape again.

I don’t want to be turned!

As one last-ditch effort to break free, I threw my head back, hitting him in the nose again. I instantly regretted it as pain exploded in my head, black spots dancing in my vision as my stomach rolled violently.

He cursed and dropped me; I fell to the floor in a heap, unable to catch myself. I tried to move away from him, but my limbs weren’t listening to me. The room was spinning, and sounds were becoming distant. There were hands on me, vaguely making out the details of Dr Olendzki crouched beside me.

My eyes widen as I watch a familiar figure with blonde hair walk past me to Dimitri. The world snapped back into focus as Lissa leant over him. I lunged forward only to fall against the tiled floor. 

Lissa gasped, reaching for me, “Rose, you have to stop. I don’t know what’s happening, but you have to stop.” She was begging me, but I couldn’t understand how she didn’t see it. Has everyone just forgotten?

“Lissa,” I implored, clutching her hands, “he’s Strigoi!”

The atmosphere around me changed, the colour draining from Lissa’s face. “Rose…”

“I have to stop him!” I claimed, reaching again for the stake. I didn’t understand why Dimitri was still against the wall. He should be attacking, but instead, he just watched. 

Nothing was making sense, but I knew I couldn’t fail again.

Lissa’s fingers wrapped around mine, easily taking the stake from my weak grip. “Rose,” she called my name again, making me look at her, “Rose, he isn’t Strigoi.”

I started to shake my head, but it just brought nausea and pain, “No, Liss. He is, I saw him, I know what he is.”

“No, Rose,” Her hands gently gripped the sides of my face, making me look at her, “Dimitri isn’t a Strigoi.” Seeing that I didn’t believe her, she tilted my head to face him, “Look at him. He isn’t one of them anymore.”

I wanted to fight her, but there was something in her voice that made me consider it. 

Something had been off since I woke up. Maybe this wasn’t a lie, though one I was scarcely ready to believe.

I studied Dimitri, moving my eyes up and down his crouched form, almost as if he was trying to appear smaller, non-threatening. Alberta was beside him now, passing him a towel to clean up the blood from his nose and the cut on his cheek. The fact that he hadn’t already healed from those injuries was questionable enough. 

His skin that was near white before was now the same tan I remembered. And his eyes, they held mine as I gazed at him, they were still a warm brown, but there was no red to them.

I inhaled sharply.

This isn’t possible. How is this even happening?

It was Dimitri. My Dimitri .

My lip trembled, I somehow managed to make my body move, crawling forward to be closer to him. He didn’t move, barely breathing as I reached a hand to him, pressing it against his chest over his heart. It was beating strong, warmth radiating off him.

“Dimitri?” 

His eyes softened, pleading me to believe him, “Yes, Roza.”

I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him tightly as I sobbed, unable to hold back my tears at the miracle in front of me. 

Part of me believed it was just another dream, some more wishful thinking. But he felt so real under my fingers; his arms that had come up to embrace me felt real—even his scent. 

“Th-this is really happening, right?” I asked, desperation in my voice.

His hold tightened, “Yes, Rose. Everything is okay now. You’re safe now, Roza.”

His whispering in my ear only made me cry harder. I never thought I would have this again. I had been lying to myself that he was Dimitri for weeks, but I had finally accepted he wasn’t. 

And now, suddenly, he was Dimitri again.

“I don’t understand,” I drew back, hands framing his face as I stared into his eyes, “How?”

Dimitri’s eyebrows were furrowed, “You don’t remember?”

“Remember what?”

Dr Olendzki walked towards us, “I think we need to talk, Rose.”

I was confused and wanted answers, so I slowly detangled myself from Dimitri, and with his help, I was able to get to my feet. But as soon as I was up, my vision blurred, and my stomach lurched; I was barely able to lean forward before throwing up what little was in me. Dimitri was supporting my weight as he called my name in panic.

Slowly everything faded to black.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

Dimitri POV 

*Bethlehem - Hospital*

The hospital coffee was terrible, as was the food I purchased from the vending machine, but both were gladly welcomed, considering how tired and hungry I was. Standing was also appreciated by my back and legs, stretching my muscles in the hallway. 

I didn’t venture too far from Rose’s room, staying close just in case. Abe stood with me, eyes studying my appearance, always a calculating look in his eyes. 

“Hopefully, she wakes soon. I can’t imagine Rose would be happy to wake up and find she’s missed out on her birthday.” Abe mused. 

I couldn’t help the slight chuckle that escaped, imagining her reaction to that news. “No, she wouldn’t be. I know she was looking forward to this weekend.” It had been all she had talked about, and even Lissa had been bringing it up to me constantly as she planned the party. Though it wasn't a surprise party, Lissa had wanted to organise it all, keeping some parts secret from Rose.

But now, even if Rose did wake tonight, a party wouldn’t be the best idea. However, Rose would try to act like she was okay, never one to turn down a reason to celebrate. Once she was awake, I would have to keep a close eye on her so that she didn’t overdo it.

The corner of Abe’s lip quicked up, “Indeed. Do you have something special planned for her?”

The implication in his tone put me on edge, choosing my words carefully, “Not particularly.” 

His eyebrow twitched but otherwise remained impassive, “Is that so?"

Before I could decipher what he was getting at, his phone rang. He quickly answered it, a fond smile on his face, “Hello, Janine. Yes, I will come to meet you in the lobby… See you soon.” He ended the call and returned the phone to his pocket, “Would you like to accompany me downstairs?”

I didn’t want to be too far from Rose, but I knew Janine Hathaway, and she would have questions. Though reluctant, I agreed to go with him.

Janine maintained a controlled expression as I reiterated the details of the car accident and what the doctors had told me of Rose’s condition. No emotion broke through until she had asked to see her, the slight wavering in her voice the only tell.

And so I led Rose’s parents back up to the third floor. The path I had to take to her room was ingrained in my mind from the rare trips I had taken around the hospital these last two days. 

As we approached, I instantly knew something was wrong, my body sensing it before my mind caught up. It was a minor detail, but it caused a fear to take hold of my heart. 

I didn’t realise I had stopped walking until Janine spoke behind me, “What’s wrong?”

“Her door is closed,” I explained, remembering clearly that I had left it open. I moved forward, dread growing with each step. I turned the handle and entered the room, eyes frantically searching for Rose.

She wasn’t here.

The bed that she had been in for the past two days was empty, blankets thrown back, and wires discarded on the sheets. I rushed to the bathroom, searching the small room as well, but still nothing.

“Where is she?” Janine asked, voice rising in volume.

I didn’t stay to answer. I pushed past them and out into the hallway, turning my head back and forth as I looked for any sign of her. I could hear Abe calming Janine down in the room while calling for people to search for Rose. No doubt calling his guardians downstairs. 

Retaining some composure, I marched to the nurse’s desk, praying that Rose had just been taken for some examination or test and would be back soon. 

The nurse at the desk recognised me, “What can I do for you, hon?”

“Do you know where Rose is? Was she taken for a test?” I managed to stop myself from yelling, but some of my panic must have shown. She picked up the phone, pressing numbers on the keypad.

“Not that I’m aware of, but I’ll ask Doctor Webber.”

My hands were clasped tightly around the edge of the counter, knuckles turned white, as I waited for the nurse to confirm where Rose was. Janine soon joined me.

“Do they know where she is?” She wore her guardian mask, her tone similar to when she would take charge of organising a battle. I shook my head. 

My mind was running through all sorts of possibilities.

I hoped that if she was awake, that she had just wandered off, though I had no idea why she would. I was pulled back from my thoughts by the nurse turning back to me, a frown on her face.

“Doctor Webber hasn’t ordered any tests. Is Rose not in her room?”

Janine answered, “No, she isn’t. Where the hell is my daughter!”

The nurse didn’t flinch from Janine’s anger, simply picking up the phone again. Voice firm as she spoke, “I need security on the third floor. One of the patients has gone missing.” She covered the receiver on the phone, talking to us again. “We will get people looking for her. I’m sure she is just a bit confused. We’ll find Rose.”

Her words didn’t bring me any comfort.

Where are you, Roza?

We had all searched, going through the floors of the hospital and the surrounding area, but there was no sight of her. Some nurses complained that someone had been through their lockers, money and clothes taken, and I knew it had been Rose. But I couldn’t figure out why.

If she had woken confused, surely she would have just found a phone and tried to contact someone or even just approached a nurse. Why would she just leave?

I sat in the hospital lobby, trying to make sense of everything. The police had been called both because Rose was missing and she had robbed the nurses, though Abe had promised to take care of them. The last thing we needed was the human law enforcement searching for her.

I knew without a doubt that Rose was no longer at the hospital, but I didn’t know where she would go. 

Lissa had sent Caleb and some other guardians to search places in the city and around the university where Rose may have gone, while she and Christian waited with her other guards at their home if she showed up there.

The later it got, the more the fear in me took over. It was dark now, and Rose was out there, possibly very confused and injured, and she had no weapon. If anything happened to her…

 I dropped my head to my hands, needing to take a deep breath to calm myself.

I lifted my head at the sound of footsteps approaching, Abe hanging up his phone with a displeased look. “No one has found anything yet. I suggest we leave. I have someone taking care of everything here.”

Nodding, I stood from the chair. We needed to regroup and make a plan. There had to be some reason for Rose disappearing. I just hoped that we found her before something happened.

The atmosphere at the house was tense; we still had no leads on where Rose was. Lissa had ordered that her disappearance wasn’t told to anyone at Court as of yet, worried that it would be seen as Rose’s abandoning her charge. Luckily, Abe had an unlimited amount of contacts in the U.S. to use. 

Abe managed to get his hands on the hospital security footage that showed Rose leaving through the hospital’s back entrance. At least we knew she wasn’t forcefully taken. Granted, that just gave us more questions than answers.

I managed to maintain my composure, pushing my emotions to the side to focus on the task at hand. But as the hours passed, it was proving difficult.

It was decided that we would take a couple of hours to sleep and then return to searching, giving Abe’s contacts some time to get back to him. After some convincing and an order from Christian, I relented and retired to Rose’s room in the early hours of Saturday morning.

Her bed was unmade; some clothes lay scattered about on the floor, her book bag on her desk. You wouldn’t think that it had been almost three days since she had been here. After showering and changing my clothes, I laid on her bed, knowing that I wasn’t going to be able to sleep—everything smelt like her, the scent of her shampoo on the pillowcases.

Today was her birthday. 

And instead of wishing her happy birthday and celebrating, I was staring at the ceiling, phone clutched in my hand, praying that she would call me. I needed to hear her voice, just to see her again and hold her in my arms. 

I needed to know that she was safe.

Rose had been missing for almost thirty-six hours, and I wasn’t happy. Barely holding myself back from telling all those around me just how I felt. 

Abe’s contact in Chicago had contacted him, saying that a woman matching Rose’s description was seen getting off a bus from New York. And so Abe and Janine were going to go to Chicago to look for her or figure out where she went from there.

Janine decided that I should stay here with Lissa and Christian in case Rose returned. 

We had already been spending all our time waiting around for any clue to her whereabouts, and when we finally found one, I was expected just to stay here and pretend that Rose was going to just walk through those front doors at any moment.

I very much disagreed. 

“If Rose were going to return here, she would have by now,” I replied through gritted teeth, struggling to keep my voice controlled. Both of Rose’s parents were stubborn, and both, for some reason, believed they understood their daughter better than I did. 

Though Lissa didn’t speak out, I could tell she felt the same as I, casting doubtful looks at the two of them as Janine defended their decision.

Janine turned to me with a glare, “You have a charge to worry about, Belikov. We will find Rose, and when we do, we will bring her back here.” Her tone was final—my anger mounting.

Lissa’s hand laid against my folded arms stopping me from responding. “She’s right, Dimitri. Let them go look for Rose in Chicago.” I wanted to retaliate, but Lissa shot me a look, making me bite my tongue. 

“Thank you, Your Highness,” Janine dipped her head. Picking up her bag and leaving the dining room, a car was already waiting for them outside. 

Abe stood to the side, having been quiet throughout the exchange. He gave a small smile to Lissa, “Very diplomatic of you, Your Highness.” He nodded towards me, “I will be in touch.” 

I had waited until Abe was out of earshot before turning to Lissa, “With all due respect, I can’t just sit here and wait. I need to be searching for Rose. I will call and arrange for another guardian to stay with Christian and -”

“That won’t be necessary, Dimitri.” She cut me off, pulling out her phone and scrolling through the contacts. “Do you really think that I want to sit back and wait as well?”

I was taken aback, unsure how to respond.

Lissa shot me a look, “Really, it’s like you forget Rose is my best friend.” Pressing dial on her mobile, “Hello, Sophia? Yes, I would like you to arrange for my jet to be put on standby for me. I will send the flight plan in an hour. Thank you.”

It took some time to have Sergei and Chelsy agree with Lissa’s plan and then get all the Royal Guard ready to return to Court. 

After some discussion, Lissa and I agreed that if Rose were in trouble, she would be likely to go to the academy, so that was where Lissa told them for the flight plan. We ran into more delays once at Court, such as Hans demanding to know where the Queen was planning on going on such short notice.

Rose’s disappearance was kept quiet, knowing that it was still challenging to get approval for a search party for a dhampir, no matter how important Rose was to the Queen. So Lissa lied and said she wanted to visit the school to discuss the Moroi defence classes. It took a good amount of convincing from both Lissa and Christian, a small amount of compulsion until finally, Hans relented.

I held my tongue throughout, not to demand them to hurry up. We hadn’t heard anything from Abe yet, hoping they would find some trace of her there. If Rose wasn’t at the academy, our next plan was Portland, considering the time Rose and Lissa had spent there hiding out.

We were given the go-ahead, the academy was informed of Lissa’s impending arrival, and we boarded the plane in the middle of the Moroi night.

I sat by myself, looking out the window, focused on my breathing, as I waited for the six-hour flight to pass. It was almost forty-eight hours since I had last seen Roza, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could go before my control broke.

The sun was setting as we landed, the Moroi morning just starting, though with it being Sunday, the students were mostly still in their rooms sleeping or getting ready for church. Lissa exited the plane, followed by six of her Royal Guards. I followed after Christian. I had been expecting the Headmistress to greet us, but instead, Alberta stood off to the side of the airstrip.

“I was wondering why you were coming, and now I know.” She looked between us all, eyes settling on mine. 

I stepped towards her, “What do you mean?” Hope rising in my chest. Was Roza here?

“I tried contacting you, but it seems you were already on the plane. Mind explaining to me what happened to Rose?” She placed her hands on her hips, voice taking on a defensive note. She had always been protective of Rose.

“You’ve seen Rose?” Lissa asked, excitement clear in her voice.

Alberta’s raised her eyebrows in question, “That’s why you are here, right?”

“Where is she?” I demanded.

“She’s sleeping in the clinic. Arrived an hour ago -Wait!”

I didn’t hear what else Alberta was saying. As soon as I knew Rose was here, I took off in the direction of the clinic. Christian would be safe in the wards of the school and with Lissa’s Royal Guard with him. 

I needed to see Roza with my own eyes.

Reaching the building quickly, I ran past the receptionist, who started to yell after me that I couldn’t go back here, but I ignored her, going past each room finding them all empty. It wasn’t until I reached the end of the hallway that I found one room with a closed door. 

I hesitated for a moment before turning the handle.

The breath left my body as my eyes landed on her form. I couldn’t see her face, but I knew. It was her. “Roza.”

She didn’t move, sleeping soundly. I wasn’t surprised, considering the distance between here and Bethlehem. I wanted to know why she felt the need to come here rather than contact me for help. But first, I had to know she was okay.

I made my way to the side of her bed, not looking away from her as if she would disappear if I did. I reached for her, resting my hand on her hip so I could turn her to face me. 

What I wasn’t expecting was her elbow thrown back, hitting my nose. The blow broke my nose, making me groan in pain, backing away from her. Still disorientated, I wasn’t able to block the kick she aimed at my chest.

My body impacted the wall painfully, my knees buckling as I slid down to the floor. I heard Rose run from the room before I could ask what she was doing. My hand tentatively touched my nose, definitely broken. Now I was even more confused. 

Why would Rose attack me?

Maybe she was still confused after the accident. I had to find her and get to the bottom of it. I stood from the floor, pushing through the lightheadedness, and followed after her down the hallway. 

I could hear her, “...He’s coming.”

She stood in front of Alberta at the end of the hall, Alberta gripping her shoulders.

Alberta shot me a look before asking Rose, “Who?” 

I quickened my pace to reach them, “Rose!” 

Thinking that maybe she didn’t realise it was me that had woken her, I called to her. But when she turned to me, she had Alberta's silver stake held defensively in front of her. The sharp tip aimed at me. 

I stopped, holding my hands out before me, “Rose. What are you doing?” A look of fear crossed her face before becoming determined.

“I’m not hesitating.”

I avoided her attack. The exhaustion of the accident and travel had slowed her usually speed down. I didn’t want to hurt her, but she was not holding back. There was a hard, determined look in her eyes, one I hadn’t seen in a long time.

She slashed at me with the stake, and I knew I needed to disarm her first. She overextended her arm, and I was able to grab ahold of her, halting her movements. “Roza! Please, listen to me. You have to stop!” I pleaded.

Pain flashed in her eyes. “You aren’t him!” 

I faltered at her words, not reacting quick enough when she twisted in my grip, cutting my face with the tip of the stake. I released her, having to back away from her again. But she followed, stake at the ready.

“Rose, stop!” Lissa’s voice echoed down the hallway, making Rose freeze, glancing over her shoulder.

I took my chance, lunging for her, this time wrapping my arms around both of hers, shifting her until I had her back pressed to my chest. She kept trying to struggle, but I held firm, leaning my head down to her ear to try to speak to her. 

I yelled when the back of her head collided with my nose, an intense pain shooting from my nose. I cursed, my grip on her loosening enough that she slipped away from me. My back hit the wall, sliding down to the floor again.

Clutching my face, I watched as Rose remained on the ground across from me; her face was pale and her eyes unfocused. Dr Olendzki crouched beside her, hands on her shoulder to steady her.

“Is she okay?” I asked, voice muffled by my hand. Blood was running freely down my face now from both the cut to my cheek and my nose. 

Lissa quickly moved down the hall to us, wide eyes looking me over, “Are you okay -” 

Her question was cut off by Rose suddenly slumping on the ground reaching for her. 

Lissa gasped, crouching before Rose, “Rose, you have to stop. I don’t know what’s happening, but you have to stop.” 

Rose reached for her again, taking hold of her hands, “Lissa, he’s Strigoi!”

My breath caught.

It felt like everything froze. Her words were replaying in my mind. 

Why would she think…? 

Her yell shook me from my thoughts. “I have to stop him!” 

There was so much hatred and pain in the glare she sent me. And now I remember when I had last seen that look. 

Before I had been restored.

Lissa spoke to her softly, “Rose. Rose, he isn’t Strigoi.” Imploring her to understand.

“No, Liss. He is, I saw him, I know what he is.”

The conviction in her voice made my stomach turn.

“No, Rose,” Lissa gripped the sides of her face, making Rose look at her, “Dimitri isn’t a Strigoi.” Then angling Rose’s head, so her eyes were on me, “Look at him. He isn’t one of them anymore.”

I didn’t dare move, trying to draw in my form, so I appeared smaller, harmless. If Rose truly believed I was Strigoi again, I didn’t want to give her a reason to be afraid. Alberta approached me with a towel, gladly taking it to wipe some of the blood from my face.

I could feel her eyes on me, slowly taking everything in. I moved my eyes so that they held hers, silently begging for her to see the truth. 

Rose inhaled sharply.

Slowly she crawled towards me. I stayed still and allowed her to close the distance between us, barely holding in my sigh when her hand touched my chest, resting above my heart.

Her voice shook, “Dimitri?” 

“Yes, Roza.”

She threw herself at me; my arms quickly came up to wrap around her, holding her close. I made soothing noises as she started sobbing against my chest. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I was grateful that she wasn’t attacking me anymore. But this reaction to me, both the anger and now the sorrow, were confusing, though something in the back of my mind guessed what had happened.

“Th-this is really happening, right?” Rose asked desperately.

I squeezed her, pressing her closer to me, “Yes, Rose. Everything is okay now. You’re safe now, Roza.” 

Rose had passed out in my arms, and I swore my heart stopped. Dr Olendzki had assured me that it was likely due to exhaustion and partly because of the blow to her head when she headbutted me. 

I carried her back to the room I had found her in earlier, gently laying her down on the mattress and pulling the blanket up to cover her. I softly stroked my hand down the side of her face, happy to know that she was safe now. 

After Dr Olendzki had left the room, having checked Rose over first, Lissa spoke, “What was that about? Why did she think that you were Strigoi?” She was at Rose’s side, examining her.

“I think it’s to do with her injury from the crash. Maybe she…” I trailed off, not sure if I wanted to finish the sentence. 

Her eyes widened. “Do you think she… forgot?”

“I don’t know.” I sighed. The pain from my nose was giving me a headache; I crossed the room to slump into the chair on the other side of the bed. I would have to get the bone set so it would heal properly.

“Did she break it?”

I looked up to see Lissa’s eyes on me. “I believe so.” Without a word, she crossed to me, fingers pressed over the break. I released a soft groan as the bone reset itself, making it easier to breathe.

“There,” she pulled back from me, “I healed the bone, but you will still have a bruise, sorry.”

Lissa had learnt to control her healing, focusing on specific parts to heal rather than everything. It helped limit the amount of darkness that spirit gave her, now that Rose wasn’t taking any from her.

I dipped my head, “Thank you.”

She returned to Rose’s side, “If she has forgotten, I don’t know if I can heal it. The mind is tricky.” Lissa explained, appearing disappointed in herself. With a grip on Rose’s hand, she moved the other to rest over Rose’s forehead, “But I can try.”

I watched with anticipation as she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. 

Moments passed in silence.

Then Rose’s eyes opened.

She turned to Lissa, and as I listened, I realised that it didn’t work. Rose didn’t remember.

“Lissa, I- I think I had the weirdest dream. I was in Russia, but then I somehow got back here, and… and Dimitri was alive. Lissa, you said he was alive. Lissa, is he alive? That’s not possible, right? Dimitri he -”

“Rose.” Lissa cut her off, pointing at me. 

When Rose’s eyes turned to me, there was a combination of awe and disbelief, but also some fear. I looked to the ground, unable to see that look anymore.

“Dimitri?” Rose called to me. There was so much uncertainty in her voice.

I stood, “I should go tell them you are awake.” It was cowardly, I know, leaving the room without looking back.

Once in the hallway, I paused, leaning against the wall as I took a moment to breathe, to process. I could deny it all I wanted, but clearly, she had lost some of her memories. If she didn’t remember me being restored, then it was almost three years worth of memories. But what could she remember? 

She remembered Russia. Was it when she had first arrived? Or was it after I had kept her captive, feeding off of her?

I pushed away from the wall to the end of the hallway when Alberta stood with Dr Olendzki and Christian, Lissa’s guardians waiting outside. They paused in conversation as I approached. “She’s awake.”

Dr Olendzki nodded, walking past me to Rose’s room, Alberta and Christian following after. Christian stopped to rest a hand on my shoulder.

“How are you holding up?”

It had taken some time for me to let Christian in, not wanting to let another charge get as close as Ivan had been. But over the years of guarding him, I had become close friends with him. He could tell how the last few days had taken their toll on me.

“I’m fine.”

He gave me a look that said he knew I was lying but let it go. “Come on. Let’s get you some answers.” 

Chapter Text

Chapter 5

When I woke, it took me a moment to recognise where I was. Somehow I could place the clinic’s ceiling easily, having woken up to the sight of it more times than I wanted to admit. The next thing I noticed was a hand on mine and another on my forehead, my eyes flicking to the person next to me, widening when they landed on Lissa. I sat up, my sudden movement startling her.

“Rose!”

I gripped her hand in mine, “Lissa, I- I think I had the weirdest dream. I was in Russia, but then I somehow got back here, and… and Dimitri was alive. Lissa, you said he was alive,” My voice had taken on a slight hysteria as I stared at her. I implored her, begging for the truth, “Lissa, is he alive? That’s not possible, right? Dimitri he -”

“Rose.” Lissa silenced me, pointing to the opposite side of the bed. 

I followed her hand and turned to my other side. My breath caught. 

This isn’t possible.

I had assumed that it was all a dream. 

A wonderful dream that was too good to be true and would just end with my heart breaking as I am forced to face reality. 

And yet, there he sat, all 6 foot 7 inches of Russian goodness, his dark eyes watching me silently. He seemed wary of me. I couldn’t blame him, seeing what happened the last time I woke up, the dark bruise forming between his eyes and the cut on his cheek revealing the damage I had inflicted.

I was still bewildered as to what was going on. I was missing something—a lot of somethings .

I had been asked what I remembered, which told me enough, but I was scared to voice what that meant out loud. 

When I had seen Dimitri before, I was so focused on trying to stop him, thinking he was still Strigoi. But when I had learnt the truth, I was so overwhelmed I needed to have his arms around me, to touch him to prove he was alive.

Now the shock was still there, but I was also apprehensive. It was like whiplash going so suddenly from him chasing me, threatening to kill me, to now being the man I love again. I had so many questions, just not knowing where to start.

I must have been silent for too long. Dimitri dropped his eyes to the floor, shifting his weight. He practically shrunk away from me, pulling back into himself, but I couldn’t figure out why.

I licked my lips, calling to him to gain back his attention, “Dimitri?”

“I should go tell them you are awake.” He was out of the room before I could say another word.

I looked at the door he had exited through, then back to Lissa, “Is he mad at me because of earlier?” My voice was timid.

Lissa shook her head, “No, Rose. He isn’t mad,” She tried to comfort me, but it wasn’t working. “The situation is just a bit….”

“Confusing?” I offered. Snorting at her nod. “I don’t understand anything right now, Liss. What happened?”

Before she could answer, people were entering my room. Dr Olendzki entered first, followed by Alberta and Christian, Dimitri trailing in behind them though he seemed hesitant to come closer to the bed. Dr Olendzki came straight up to me, penlight already in hand and shining it in my eyes.

“Follow the light, please,” She ordered, moving it back and forth. Once satisfied, she turned to look at my vitals on the monitor beside me. I didn’t even realise I had been attached to one. “How are you feeling?”

I shrugged, my headache from earlier was gone. The only thing I could think about now was getting answers. “What happened?”

Dr Olendzki sat on the edge of my bed, crossing one knee over the other, “Rose, can you tell me what the date is?”

I bit my lip, eyes flicking to Dimitri and then down to my hands. I didn’t know the date. With the bites and being held in that room, I had no way of keeping track of how many days had passed between being captured by Dimitri and now. “It’s still April, right?” I finally asked. I didn’t think I had been with Dimitri for over a month.

No one corrected me or told me the date, instead, Dr Olendzki continued questioning, “And what is the last thing that you remember?”

Dimitri chasing me as I was trying to escape, but I didn’t want to say that. I didn’t want to talk about what happened.

“It’s okay, Rose,” His voice made me look up. Dimitri nodded in encouragement, “they know what happened in Russia.”

I swallowed thickly; I didn’t know if that made me feel better or worse. But his eyes on me did give me some confidence. Not looking away from him, I answered, “I was trying to escape after staking Galina. I remember climbing out of the window and jumping,” His eyes hardened as I spoke. It became too much, and I turned my eyes back to my hands, “After that, I woke up in the hospital.”

Obviously, time had passed since then, but how much was the question. 

I looked up at Lissa, “Was I in a coma or something? Is that why I was in the hospital? Did I mess up that landing, or…” I tried to come up with reasons.

Lissa glanced around her, unsure. Dr Olendzki saved her from having to answer me, “Rose, I have been informed that four days ago you were involved in a car crash.”

I stared in disbelief, “A car crash?”

“You suffered a head injury and were unconscious for two days. From looking at the notes your doctor made, they were concerned that there may have been some minor brain damage. But they were uncertain and were waiting for you to wake up to find out for sure. I believe that due to your injuries, you are currently suffering from amnesia.” 

I blinked. Once. Twice.

“You’re joking, right? I don’t have amnesia,” I was waiting for them all to break out into laughter and explain that this had just been a great joke that made no sense. But everyone’s face remained serious. “How long?”

“Now, Rose, you need to remember to take it easy and not stress too much. Injuries like this -”

“How long?” I asked again, firmer.

Lissa squeezed my hand, “Three years.”

I laughed incredulity.

“No, you’re wrong. It hasn’t been three years. I would know if three years had….” I twisted my fingers in the blanket covering my legs; they were starting to shake.

Dimitri stepped further into the room, coming to stand beside Lissa. “Rose, you jumped out of that window and escaped three years ago.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. If Dimitri was saying it, then it must be true. 

I was in a car accident and now have no memory of the last three years of my life. 

I had accepted that some time had passed, seeing that Dimitri was walking around no longer Strigoi, which I still had no idea how that happened, but I wasn’t expecting it to be years . 

Oh god . What else has happened since?

I had to force myself to breathe, feeling lightheaded again.

Lissa tried to make me lay down,  “Maybe you should rest a little more?” her voice sounded concerned. I tried to reach out to her through the bond to see if it was true.

But then I remembered, the bond was gone. 

I spun to face her, searching for something from her, any kind of emotion. Still, I felt nothing.  “What happened to our bond? Why can’t I feel you anymore?”

“The bond broke over two years ago,” Lissa carefully explained.

“How did it break?”

“Well, you were shot and -”

“I was what!”

I was staring at Lissa in disbelief. I was near hyperventilating now, another headache forming.

Dr Olendzki stood from the bed, resting a hand on my shoulder, “That’s enough for now. Rose, you should rest,” she was using a soothing tone, and I hated it. 

I brushed her hand off me. “No. I want to know what happened!”

“I know that, but you should take it easy.”

I openly glared at her, “You don’t know shit! You can’t just tell me that I’ve forgotten three years of my life and then tell me to take it easy. It’s my fucking life, and I deserve to know about it!”

“Roza,” Dimitri’s large hands encased mine, rubbing his thumbs along my knuckles. I turned to him, getting lost in his eyes, still marvelling at the lack of a red ring to them. “We will tell you everything, but you need to take it slowly. You are still injured, and we just want to take care of you.”

Despite his words, I was holding onto my irritation, knowing that the moment I let it go, it would be replaced with other emotions that I didn’t want to handle right now. Especially not under the eyes of others. 

“Can I just be alone right now?”

I almost rescinded the request at the look of hurt and distress that crossed Dimitri’s face, but his mask came up, quickly hiding them. He nodded, backing away from the bed, “Of course. Take as much time as you need, Rose. We’ll be outside if you need anything.”

I kept my face blank as everyone vacated my room, the last being Lissa, who hovered at the door for a second before closing it after her. 

Now alone, I felt the pricks of tears in my eyes, hastily whipping them as they fell.  After a couple of minutes, I threw back the blankets that covered me, ripping off the cords that connected me to the machine and stood from the bed. I crossed the room to the bathroom attached, closing the door behind me and locking it.

Turning on the tap, I cupped my hands under the water and then splashed it over my face. The cool temperature was helping calm me. I pulled back from the sink, sighing heavily. 

I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea of losing three years. How could I just forget?

I glanced up at the mirror, catching my reflection. I hadn’t had time to really look when travelling to the academy, being focused on other matters at the time. I could understand why everyone was doing double-takes when they saw me.

The right side of my face was covered in scratches and bruises. A long cut ran along my hairline, from my forehead to my ear. I could tell it was likely to scar. But I also noticed other things.

My face looked different, not a whole lot, but it was more mature, having lost fat from my cheeks. My hair was longer too, past my waist now. My body was toner, healthy. It was subtle differences, but they were there. I was different from what I remembered.

Time really has passed.

There were no bite marks on my neck and no scarring to show what happened while locked in that room.

I wasn’t sure how long I stood staring at myself, not becoming aware of anything else until I heard my name being called.

“Rose?” Dimitri’s muffled voice came through the door that separated us. I could hear the concern in his tone. He knocked softly on the door, “Roza, are you in there?”

The desperation that question held reminded me that I had disappeared from the hospital. He must have been terrified when he returned to my room and found an empty bed. I turned the lock on the door, opening it enough to see Dimitri on the other side.

Relief washed over his face as his eyes took me in. Tentatively, he asked, “Are you okay?”

I glanced back at the mirror, taking a breath before answering, “Honestly, I don’t know.” I gestured at myself, “I look different,” turning to face him, “You look different too.”

It was subtle things again. His hair was a bit longer, slight lines starting to show around his eyes.

If our appearances had changed, then so could have everything else. Feeling unsure to ask but needing the answer, “Dimitri, are we still… I mean, are we together?”

The corners of his mouth tilted up into a small smile, “Yes, Roza. We are together.”

I felt a weight lift; I had been terrified that he was going to say no. Unable to stay away any longer, I reached for him, his arms coming up around me and holding me close. It was rare to get such embraces from Dimitri, yet now he was giving it so easily.

I drew back a little, cocking my head to the side, “Do they all know that we are?” I wasn’t sure if we had kept it secret all these years or not. Hoping we hadn’t.

He chuckled, “Yes, they all know and are okay with it.”

“Thank god.” I groaned, holding onto him tighter. A thrill shot through me with the knowledge that I could openly be with Dimitri now. We had only ever hidden our relationship, not even giving in to the pull we both felt until the night before I had lost him. 

I thought I would never be able to experience this.

My fingers twisted into the material of his shirt as tears once again gathered in my eyes. 

“Roza?”

I couldn’t stop the sobs as they forced their way out, tears flowing freely down my face and landing on his shirt. I had been so sure I had lost him, ready to kill him. But now, here he is, holding me close again.

The cruel way he spoke to me, the cold look in his eyes from when he was Strigoi was gone. He was loving, warm, and caring again. He was Dimitri again.

Not asking what was wrong, understanding me with no words, like he always could, Dimitri picked me up in his arms and carried me to the bed. Shuffling around a little until he was laid out on the mattress with me cradled against him, head buried in the crook of his neck. He rubbed my back while whispering words of comfort as I cried. 

“How?”

Dimitri’s hand stilled in my hair. We had been lying in a comfortable silence for a while now as I processed everything. I wanted to know about what I had missed, starting with Dimitri. I didn’t need to elaborate my question, he had been expecting it.

“Lissa used spirit to restore me,” He explained.

“How did she figure that out?”

A shadow crossed his face, “You found out about it and went through a lot to get that information. You saved me, Roza.” The way he was gazing at me made me blush; there was so much affection in them as his thumb caressed my cheek lovingly.

There was a lot on his mind, emotions crossing his face, but I wasn’t sure what he was thinking about. 

I knew it was about something that I could no longer remember.

To distract myself, I asked more questions about my life. Where do we live? Was I Lissa’s guardian? Who is Dimitri's charge? He answered them all, though I could tell he was leaving out certain details. I guessed he wanted to make sure I didn’t become overwhelmed again.

As Dimitri was telling me about the degree I was currently studying while guarding Lissa, the door opened to reveal Lissa and Christian. 

“Don’t suppose we could come in?” Lissa asked, fiddling with the hem of her jacket. I nodded at them. Relieved smiles on their faces as they entered.

I took time to look over the both of them, noticing the difference in them compared to what I remembered. Like me, their faces had matured, as had their style of dressing. I was honestly surprised by how nicely they were dressed, clothes tailored to fit them perfectly.

Lissa was in a sky blue pants suit with a white blouse, her hair, now longer, cascaded down her shoulders in smooth waves, making me acutely aware of how tangled my own hair was currently. Christian’s clothes, though still in his usual dark colours, were well kept and expensive. The fitted black button-up shirt showed that he had been building his physique since we finished high school. And that mop of hair that always had a barely tried look to it was now styled.

It was strange to see them together, considering last I saw through the bond, they had broken up. Dimitri had explained that they got back together not long after he was restored.

Another thing that stood out to me was that Dimitri didn’t pull away now that we weren’t alone, and Lissa and Christian had no reaction. Even after being told that everyone knew of our relationship, it was bizarre to be so open like this. I was constantly feeling scared that someone was going to walk in and take Dimitri away from me.

I peek at Dimitri, dropping my eyes at the fond smile he had on his face, feeling myself blush.

“Roza?” He asked, hand stroking down my spine, causing more heat to rise in my cheeks.

Part of me was telling me to put space between us, but the other didn’t want to be away from him again. “This is just… weird.”

“What’s weird?” Lissa questioned. She had remained standing at my bedside while Christian crossed the room and sat in the empty chair Dimitri had been sitting earlier. He glanced at me and smirked.

“Aww. Check out Rose, all embarrassed.” Christian teased. I glared; at least I knew his personality was the same.

“Shut up, Sparky.” Weirdly though, his teasing helped me regain some confidence, choosing to shift closer to Dimitri, openly stroking his chest. The eye roll I got in return made me grin. Dimitri seemed unaffected, almost as if he was expecting me to react like this.

“So you were asking about Lehigh,” Dimitri prompted me. 

I looked up at him, then turned in his arms to face Lissa. “I knew that Tatiana was offering for you to study there, but I didn’t think she would actually let you go.” I had assumed that she would have been the bitch she was and rescinded the offer as soon as Lissa moved to Court.

The air in the room suddenly became awkward, Lissa sharing a look with Christian and Dimitri, an uneasy smile on her face, “Yeah, the Queen did decide Lehigh was fine to attend.”

I didn’t need the bond to tell that she was hiding something, “Okay, what am I missing? You can’t not tell me,” I warned them. There was not overwhelming me, and then there was just withholding information. Whatever this was, seemed important.

“Well,” Lissa started, glancing again at Dimitri; with a nod from him, she continued, “I’m Queen now.”

I laughed.

But when no one else did, I sobered. “You’re serious.” I whipped my head back to look at Dimitri, “That’s pretty important information, and you didn’t think to mention it?”

He had the decency to look guilty, “I was working up to it.”

I sat up in the bed, once again having to wrap my mind around what I was being told. “How are you Queen? Did Tatiana step down?” It didn’t sound like something she would do, knowing that most Royals would hold onto that crown for as long as possible.

Another look was shared. 

Lissa shifted, “She didn’t step down so much as….”

“She was murdered,” Christian finished for her. The hint of pain to his tone confused me, but I was too preoccupied dropping my jaw at what he said to question it.

“She was murdered!” If I wasn’t so shocked, I might have noticed the tense atmosphere, but instead, I asked, “Who killed her?”

Christian’s face dropped before becoming hard; Lissa stepped towards him to comfort him. But he stood shaking his head, “Just tell her. She’s going to find out eventually.”

I watched, perplexed as he left the room. “What?” 

Lissa was watching the closed door with slumped shoulders, so I turned to Dimitri again. His expression was a combination of anger and hurt, making me panic.

I took his hand in mine, silently asking him. He squeezed back before answering, “Not long after I was restored, Tatiana was found dead in her bed. A stake through her chest.” I cringed at the way she died but didn’t interrupt. “The person… that did it, they left certain evidence that framed you for her murder.”

I was speechless. Of all the things I could have possibly expected, that was not one. “I… I was framed for murdering the Queen.” I repeated, staring blankly ahead as I tried to process. My eyes snapped to his, “What evidence did they leave that made them think I did it?”

“They found your stake, and you had no alibi.”

I scoffed, “I’m pretty sure if I were going to kill someone, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave my stake behind.”

The corner of his mouth twitched in an almost smile, “That’s what you said at your hearing.”

“Wait, who was the real murderer? Why would they frame it on me!” If they were meant to keep me calm, they had failed. I couldn’t believe what they were telling me. Who had I made such an enemy of that they wanted me to go to jail for killing the Queen?

My eyes flicked between the two of them, waiting for an answer. They both had distressed expressions, which unnerved me. It was Lissa that answered me.

“It was Tasha, Rose.”

Her words took a moment to sink in and even longer for me to comprehend what that meant. Tasha. Christian’s aunt, Natasha Ozera, framed me for murder. Tasha murdered the Queen . “What? I don’t understand. Why would she….”

“She didn’t like what Tatiana was doing and wanted to stop her. And for why she framed you, she thought that if you were out of the way, then I would be with her. And because your dislike for Tatiana was well known, you were easy to blame.” Dimitri’s voice was tight, still holding anger towards Tasha.

I was suddenly pissed off. 

I had liked Tasha, sure I wasn’t her biggest fan during the Christmas break when she had offered Dimitri everything I couldn’t give him. But I had grown to respect her for how she stood up for her beliefs. I never expected anything like this.

Tasha framed me all because of her jealousy for my relationship with Dimitri. “She thought that if I was sent to rot in jail that you would suddenly fall in love with her?” I scoffed at the absurdity of it all.

“Rose, you wouldn’t have just been put in jail. If you had been found guilty, they would have executed you,” Lissa’s voice had a harsh tone in it, not aimed at me, thankfully.

That made me pause. While I was still pissed, I just realised why Christian had left the room. “Oh god. Is Christian okay?” While we weren’t super close, I did value his friendship. I felt terrible that the last person in his family he really cared about did such a thing. 

And if what Lissa said is true, then Tasha would have been executed for her crimes.

Lissa sighed, glancing at the door again, “It was hard for him, still is. But he knows that Tasha made a choice, and no matter what her intentions were, it was wrong.”

I wanted to ask more about it, but I was feeling my headache returning. It really was a lot to take in. I dropped my head into my hands, rubbing my temples to relieve some of the pressure.

Dimitri shifted on the bed to be closer to me, “Roza? Are you okay?”

I looked up at him, giving a small smile, though it was strained, “It’s just a lot.”

“Maybe you should take a break.”

My door was thrown open, startling the three of us. I watched, shocked as Janine stormed into the room, her red hair bouncing aggressively with each step. I wasn’t sure if I was more surprised by the fact my mother was here or that Zmey wandered in after her.

“Rosemarie Hathaway, you better start explaining right now!” Janine’s voice rang through the room. She took a stance before me, hands on her hips, staring at me expectantly.

My headache was about to become so much worse.

Alberta pushed into the room, sighing, “She wouldn’t let me finish talking before coming in here,” She explained to me, turning back to my mother, “If you had, I would have told you that Rose has amnesia.”

Janine was taken aback, “What do you mean she has amnesia?”

I rolled my eyes, “She means I don’t remember shit.”

“What?”

I cringed as Zmey placed a hand on Janine’s shoulder, appearing to be comforting her. I levelled a glare at him, “What’s he doing here anyway?” They both raised their eyebrows at me.

“Her last memory is from when she was still in Russia,” Dimitri explained.

Janine shook her head, a look of concern in her eyes, something I wasn’t used to seeing. “But why would you run away from the hospital?”

I crossed my arms, feeling defensive, “I saw Dimitri and thought he was still Strigoi, and so I ran,” I glanced at Zmey, “And when I saw him, I figured they were working together.”

“You thought I was working with a Strigoi?” Zmey questioned with a wry smile.

“Well, you kept saying that you were hired, so I guessed it was Dimitri when I saw you both there.”

He chuckled, “You thought I was hired by a Strigoi to bring you back to America?”

My temper was rising, “Sorry that my deduction skills aren’t great after waking up from a car crash. How about you get into one and tell me how great your mind is working.” I wasn’t a fan of Zmey back in Russia, and it seems that he was still as annoying to deal with. “Why are you even here, old man?”

“ Rose ,” Janine scolded me, though I didn’t care. She can’t just pick and choose when she wants to act like my mother. Sure we had grown a little closer after the attack on the school, but it wasn’t enough for her to tell me what to do.

Zmey grinned, seemingly unaffected by my words; if anything, they amused him. “No, it’s quite alright, Janine. I suppose I will be the one to tell her this time.”

I pulled back instinctively, not liking the look in his eye. Dimitri pressed a hand to the small of my back, sensing my unease.

“Rose, I am your father.”

I never once imagined I would have my father announce himself with a Star Wars reference. I also never imagined that I would meet my father. I turned to my mother incredulously, “You had sex with a mob boss?” 

“Rosemarie!” Janine yelled, a red tint to her cheeks.

Zmey tutted, “I’m a businessman.” 

I groaned, covering my face with my hands again. My head was pounding now. 

“That’s enough. Rose needs to rest,” Dimitri told them, rubbing my back. 

“After the last three days, you can’t expect me to just leave without getting some answers. She is my daughter.” Janine spat out.

“Just leave, will you!” I yelled into my hands. 

Silence settled in the room, everyone becoming speechless.

“Come on, I’ll explain things,” I heard Alberta telling my mother in a low voice.

I didn’t look up or say anything; it wasn’t until I heard the door close that I lifted my head. Dimitri was still on the bed next to me, studying me. I could tell from his expression that he wanted to say something, but I wasn’t in the mood for one of his zen lessons.

He raised his hand to my face, fingers lightly grazing the cut, a sadness in his eyes. When he blinked, it was gone, just affection shining through. Dimitri leant forward to press a kiss to my forehead, “You should rest.”

I gave him a thankful smile, “Will you stay with me?”

“Of course, Roza.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 6

I moaned under the warm spray, soaping up and washing away the many days of grim that had built up on my skin. 

When I had asked for a shower, Alberta had offered me to use hers, even offering to find me some clothes to wear so that I didn’t have to remain in my stolen scrubs. I smelt like the bus and sweat and a hospital. I was honestly surprised Dimitri laid close to me as much as he had.

Alberta must have sent my mother to another part of the building, or Lissa kept her occupied because neither she nor my supposed father was in the hallway when I left. I was thankful for it; I did not want to deal with them right now.

Dimitri had assured me that I had a good relationship with both of them, though I find that hard to believe.

But then again, how could I know? 

It was bizarre and honestly terrifying, realising that there was so much I didn’t know. I was missing a big piece of me, of my past, but at the same time, I had no idea what it was that I was missing. It’s like there was an inside joke, but I was the only one that wasn’t a part of it.

Before leaving the clinic, Dr Olendzki had recommended that I go to the hospital and get some scans done to make sure there was nothing else to worry about. So, I knew that our next step was to return to Court. 

It will be strange to go there. The last time I remember being there was for Victor’s trial; I was just a visitor then, this time, I will be an apparent Royal Guard for the Queen.

I shook my head at the idea of Lissa being Queen. I will need to get the full story of how that happened. Things didn't turn out the way Lissa and I had planned, when we had imagined living together in a townhouse, me being her primary guardian.

At least I was still her guardian.

Turning off the water, I stepped out of the shower and started to dry myself off.

I froze when the door opened, Dimitri stepping in with a bundle of clothes in his hands. “These should fit -”

“Dimitri!” I screamed, quickly covering myself with my towel, my body flushing. “What are you doing?”

He looked at me confused, eyebrow raised.

I gestured to myself, “You can’t just walk in here. I’m naked!”

“Oh. Oh, ” Understanding crossed his face, then he a smirk, “I have seen you naked before, Roza.”

“That was one time, and this is different.”

“It’s been more than one time.”

I didn’t think I could blush more. His words made my embarrassment increase tenfold. “That… I don’t remember… Just get out, comrade!”

He gave me a fond look, placing the clothes on the counter, “I’ll wait out here.” He told me, backing out and closing the door behind him.

I stayed rooted in the spot, my face still red, though now it wasn’t just because Dimitri had walked in on me. But because I just realised what his words really meant. He had seen me naked many times, which probably meant we had had sex many times.

I wanted to slap myself for not considering that before. If we have been a couple this whole time, then, of course, we have had sex. Meaning that I have experienced that amazing feeling I felt in the cabin with Dimitri over and over and…

I had to stop thinking about it, forcing myself to take a deep breath.

I wasn’t sure why the idea of being with Dimitri like that made me feel so flustered. I remember being so needy for it when he had me captive in Russia; he was using sex as a bargaining chip—trying to turn something that was so beautiful and precious to me into something dirty. 

Those memories of Dimitri soured my mood. 

When I had Dimitri before me, seeing that he was the man I loved, it was easy to forget the past few weeks happened. But when he was out of my sight, all of those memories returned.

The past few weeks… that had happened years ago for everyone, except for me.

I swallowed. I pushed everything down, grabbing the clothes Dimitri left for me. A soft blue t-shirt and a pair of jeans, even some underwear, I wasn’t sure where they came from, and I wasn’t going to ask. As soon as we get back to Court, I will find some clothes that I actually own.

When I was dressed and ready, I exited the bathroom to find Dimitri talking with Alberta and another man. He was tall and looked a couple of years older than me, with dark curly hair. One look at the red collar of his jacket, and I knew he was a Royal Guard and a colleague.

The three of them stopped talking as I approached, the Royal Guard giving me a relieved smile. I stood close to Dimitri, crossing my arms and eyeing the man back.

“You really know how to stress people out. You know that?” The man told me, eyes moving up and down my body as if he was checking for injuries. It just made me uncomfortable.

I gave him an unimpressed look, “I take it that I know you?”

“Well, I guess right now you don’t, but yeah.” 

I stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to introduce himself.

“Nice to see that you’ve always had an attitude.” He chuckled, making Dimitri smirk. “I’m Caleb Fischer. You and I work together as the Queen’s near guards. Both of us have to suffer through her classes together.”

“Nice to meet you again, Guardian Fischer,” I tested out his name, hoping that I would suddenly have a memory, but I got nothing.

“You usually call me Caleb or handsome.” He shot me a wink. 

I shot Dimitri a look. He rested a hand on my shoulder, “Caleb was letting us know that they are ready to return to Court when you are. Lissa and Christian are downstairs with the others.”

“Others?”

Caleb answered, “Guess I will have to reintroduce you to everyone again," Sighing dramatically, like it was some big hardship. 

There was an ease in which he spoke to me that helped calm my nerves, but at the same time, made me uneasy. Having someone that you had no memory of speak to you with such familiarity was weird.

But there was something about him that pulled at my memory, like a flicker of something, but when I tried to focus on it, it caused my head to hurt.

Dimitri squeezed my shoulder, “Rose?”

I realised I had been staring at Caleb for a while. I stepped back, “Sure, let’s go.” 

I moved to follow Caleb and Alberta when Dimitri halted me with a hand on my wrist, making me turn to him with raised eyebrows. “We will be there in a moment. I just need to talk to Rose.” With a nod from Alberta, they both left us alone in the room.

He reached and took both of my hands in his; he was leaning against the small kitchen counter, making it easier for his eyes to meet mine. “I’m sorry for surprising you earlier, and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

I shrugged, “I’m assuming that it’s pretty common for you to just walk in when I’m showering, right?” He had a fond look in his eyes that told me he did. That look made my stomach flip. “I can’t really hold it against you for doing what you are used to.”

“But you aren’t used to it.”

“I just need some time to… adjust,” I looked down at my feet, knowing that there was a lot I would need to adjust to.

He curled a finger under my chin, tilting it up until my eyes were on his again, “That doesn’t mean you should be put in situations that make you uncomfortable.”

A smile pulled at my lips, “Thanks, comrade.”

“Of course,” He leant forward and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips, “I love you, Roza.” Another blush covered my face, making him chuckle.

I scowled, “What?”

“I’m just not used to you being so shy. Even back at the academy, you were always the assertive one.” 

I laughed at the memories of me being assertive, “That was easy before, but now you’re all confident, saying something that took you a speech to say last time. I was just surprised.”

I could see him trying to remember what time I was speaking about before his eyes lit up in realisation. It was the last time I could remember him telling me his feelings for me. Our last time we were openly affectionate towards each other before the caves. And then he was taken.

His thumb stroked along my jaw, "What's wrong?"

“Nothing.”

“ Rose. ”

"Fine. I was just thinking...about before…."

His expression darkened, "I'm sorry about everything that I put you through, Roza. When I was Strigoi I -"

"I forgive you for everything. What happened, none of it was your fault, Dimitri," I quickly told him, not wanting him to blame himself. While the memories still haunted me, I knew without a doubt that I held none of it against him. That was a monster, not Dimitri.

His eyes softened, "I know you don't. It took me a long time to accept it the first time you told me. But still, I am sorry."

This time I moved towards him, pressing my lips against his. After a moment, I pulled back, needing to catch my breath. "I am so happy I didn't lose all my memories. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to do that."

Dimitri chuckled, "I would have reminded you of our love every day until you remembered it." He told me, affection colouring his tone. "But I am glad that you remember me."

As we made our way downstairs to join Lissa and the others, I decided to ask Caleb some questions about the other guardians. "So, do they like me? Because according to some , I have a habit of getting on people's bad side." I glanced back at Alberta, who gave me an exasperated look.

Caleb laughed, "Don't I know it, and they do too. But don't worry, they all got used to it after a couple of months."

"How long have we been working together?" I asked him. Dimitri was hanging back with Alberta as we walked through the hallways, giving me space to talk to Caleb.

"You’ve been working with everyone for almost three years and me for two. I didn't come to join you at the house until Christian and Dimitri left. And you have been making my life a living nightmare ever since," He replied in a serious tone.

I wasn't sure how, but I knew he was joking, so I rolled with it. "Hey, whatever I did, I'm sure you deserved it."

Apparently, that was the right response. He smirked at me. "Just wait until you hear what you pulled on some of the other guardians."

Before I could ask, we had reached the others on the first floor of the building. Lissa and Christian stood in the middle of the room, speaking to my parents. There were seven guardians in the room with them, five with red collars. I recognised the other two guardians as the ones that worked for Zmey. 

They nodded at me in greeting, but I was still wary of them and their employer. The five Royal Guards were scattered around the room, protecting Lissa from all sides, covering points of entry. There were four men and one woman; she gave me a friendly smile.

"I'm happy to know you are safe, Rose," The woman approached me. There was also something vaguely familiar about her.

Caleb gestured between us, "Rose, this is Chelsy. She and Sergei," Caleb pointed to a burly man standing against the far wall, "are the team leaders. Pretty much call the shots." He started to point to the others with us, "That's Robert, Andrew, and that's Lev." Caleb gave me a meaningful look, "Don't trust anything he tells you." Which, of course, just made me want to talk to him more.

Robert and Andrew looked like typical guardians, buff and stoic. The more I looked at them with their identical short buzzed haircuts, the more their similarities became apparent. If I had to guess, I would say they were brothers.

Lev, on the other hand, didn't maintain the serious expression most guardians would. A large smile as he waved at me, his red hair tied back in a bun.

I awkwardly waved back. Returning my attention to Chelsy, "Nice to meet you all."

Sadness crossed her eyes for a second before becoming serious again, "I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and I trust Caleb can answer most of them. Once we are sure you are well enough, we can discuss you returning to work."

I was surprised by the offer. I had no memory of the protocols or even becoming a guardian, yet they wanted me back defending Lissa. "Really?" I quickly tried to school my features, "I mean, if you think that's a good idea."

"Of course, Rose, you are one of the best, and as long as you can fight and keep the Queen safe, we want you," Chelsy told me, her confidence in me apparent. 

I bristled at the compliment. While I knew I was good for a novice, I didn't think I was anywhere close to being one of the best. Dimitri, yes, he was a god; I just had some promising talent.

Caleb nudged me with his elbow, "Don't look so worried, a couple of rounds of sparring, and it’ll come back to you.” 

I simply nodded, unsure of what else to say. I kept getting shot looks from those around the room, a steady gaze on me from Sergei, and then, of course, there were the glances from my parents. I could tell my mother was waiting for a chance to speak to me. I didn’t know if I should dread it or not.

I definitely dread it.

Luckily I was saved by Lissa looping her arm through mine, “Well, now that’s all taken care of, let’s get you a check-up.” 

I couldn’t help but smile, glad that I could still rely on Lissa. We hadn’t been on the best of terms when I left the academy to hunt down Dimitri, but it seems that we had managed to move past that. She even saved Dimitri, restoring him and bringing him back to me.

I squeezed her arm. At her questioning glance, I whispered, “Thanks, Liss.” She squeezed back with a smile.

The Queen’s private jet was huge, much bigger than the one the academy had allowed us to travel in. Having plenty of seats for everyone that we could all spread out, a small kitchen with two attendants to bring us food or drinks if we asked. There was even a private suite in the back for Lissa that had a bed and a study. 

When I first boarded, I stopped and stared, taking it in, causing Lissa to laugh, arm still looped through mine.

“Yeah, it’s a lot. But it does make travelling nice.” She explained, leading me towards the middle of the plane. Rather than rows of seats, the chairs were set up as more of a lounge area. Two four-seater couches along one side of the plane, and then two sets of four chairs facing each other with tables between them on the other side. And then two single seats towards the back of the plane where the kitchen and the door to Lissa’s suite was. 

It was like a fancy hotel suite, except on a plane. Lissa’s plane.

Lissa led me to one of the tables, taking the seat opposite me. Without saying a word Christian and Dimitri took the seats beside us. Thankful that Dimitri had saved me again from my parents approaching me. 

I knew I couldn’t avoid them forever, but I wasn’t mentally ready to deal with them. Not to mention how strange it was watching them interact with one another. I had always assumed that my father wanted nothing to do with me, something common for dhampir children. But from the closeness between them, I wondered if it was more than a simple arrangement or one night stand between them.

Once we had levelled off in the sky, Dimitri drew my attention, holding a menu in front of me, “You can ask for anything on here, and they will make it. Or I can bring something out for you.”

I took it from him. Even the menus on this plane were fancy, glossy paper with cursive writing. Though my stomach ached for some real food, I was hesitant to do so. I wasn’t on duty right now, but I still felt the need to impress my team leaders. Sergei hadn’t stopped eyeing me, studying me, and I didn’t want to give him reason to think I didn’t deserve to be Lissa’s guardian anymore. And with none of the other guardians eating, I wasn’t going to either.

I shook my head, pushing the menu aside, “I’m not hungry.” Dimitri pushed it back.

“Yes, you are.”

I hated his knowing tone. I turned him down again, “I’m fine, comrade.”

He shot me a look before getting out of his seat. When I turned my head to see where he went, I flinched, pain shooting down my neck. The painkillers that I had been given at the clinic were wearing off, and the aches and pains returning. 

It turns out getting into a car accident, followed by a two-day bus trip and then fighting the love of your life, wasn’t great to do.

My body ached now every time I moved, though it didn’t seem like there was any permanent damage. Unless, of course, you count the amnesia. Lissa had offered to heal me as we walked to the plane when she noticed my slight limp. I turned her down.

I remember clearly how the darkness affected her and me in turn. But now, I couldn’t ease that burden for her, and she would be dealing with all of that darkness by herself. I would not risk making that worse.

Lissa noticed my wince from the pain again, “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need to lay down?”

I forced an easy smile, wiping any sign of my discomfort off my face, “I’m fine, Lissa.” Her eyes narrowed. I quickly changed the subject, “So what’s the plan once we are back at Court? Do you have like, queen stuff to do?”

“Yep, all that queen stuff,” Christian deadpanned, staring down at his phone, “So much stuff, a lot of queening. Queen stuff all day long.”

Lissa shot him a look but otherwise ignored him, “No, I don’t. I was going to go with you to the hospital if you would like. And then I figured you would go back to Dimitri's. Or we could go back to my quarters,” She added, “Whichever you prefer.”

I blinked at her, stunned. Go to Dimitri’s? Again, I needed to get used to the fact we were openly in a relationship. “I don’t know,” I replied. My mind immediately started imagining what Dimitri’s place was like, if it was similar to his room at the academy or an actual apartment. 

Which made me think of his apartment in Russia.

“What don’t you know?” Dimitri slipped back into his chair, eyebrow raised in question. My focus zeroed in on the plate of food he placed in front of me rather than his question, my dark thoughts forgotten.

There were a couple of pieces of fruit, a chocolate doughnut and a slice of pizza. The sight of it made my mouth salivate, and my stomach grumbled loudly. I ignored the flush I felt on my cheeks. “Where did you get all of this?”

“This plane is stocked like a grocery store. They have everything,” Christian explained, eyeing the slice of pizza. I pulled the plate closer to me, protectively. 

I couldn’t deny how hungry I was, not with it in front of me. I glanced at Dimitri; he was watching me, waiting for me to start eating. Giving up the pretence, I greedily devoured the food he had brought me, savouring each bite.

How I missed American pizza, the stuff in Russia wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t the same. Not long after Dimitri had returned, one of the attendants had appeared with bottles of water and some other small snacks. Dimitri pushed two of the bottles towards me, along with packets of chips. 

“I know how much you can eat, Roza.” He told me and then asked again, “So what don’t you know?”

I paused mid-bite, “Oh… um, just where I should go after I’m done at the hospital.”

“I wasn’t sure if she wanted to go back to my quarters or yours.” Lissa supplied. I could tell she was trying to be sensitive to both Dimitri and me. Not pressuring me for either choice.

Dimitri fiddled with his water bottle, “I assumed you would want to change your clothes and rest. Your belongings are at my place.”

“My stuff is at yours?” I asked, shocked. Then blushed, “Right, I mean that makes sense. Considering.” I felt awkward discussing this in front of others, focusing on my plate instead.

“If you aren’t comfortable, I'll bring a bag to the palace for you,” Dimitri offered, but I could hear the hurt in his voice. 

I quickly turned to face him, gripping his hand, “No. No, I want to stay with you.” I told him earnestly. I don’t know why I was so unsure; I would have jumped at the opportunity to stay in a room with him usually. But I was still wrapping my mind around it all. 

I realised then that the idea of sharing a room with Dimitri made me equally excited and nervous. 

Though when he gave me a relieved smile, I felt my nerves melt away. Leaving just excitement and a lot of ideas about what we could do with all that privacy.

Chapter Text

Chapter 7

I ended up falling asleep, leaning against Dimitri’s shoulder. Dr Olendzki warned me that I would be tired for a couple of days, considering I had a concussion and was still recovering from the car accident. 

I woke after the plane had landed to a blanket draped over me and Dimitri’s arm around my shoulders, holding me against his chest. I didn’t want to move, enjoying the warmth of him and hearing his steady heartbeat.

“Rose,” I felt his breath against my ear, lips pressing against my hairline. “Roza, it’s time to wake up.”

There wasn’t anything special about this moment, but it filled me with joy. It was such a simple thing, Dimitri waking me up, but he did it so gently, so lovingly. It made my heart feel like it was going to burst. Opening my eyes to gaze up at him, that smile on his face again.

It was perfect.

But then there was a clearing of a throat beside us. Abe.

“Shall we?” He gestured to the exit; the plane was almost empty now.

I noticed my mother had also remained on the plane, eyes studying me. I reluctantly drew back from Dimitri; he stood from his seat and then offered a hand to me. Always a gentleman. 

There were more guardians outside, along with multiple black SUVs. Caleb was standing at the middle one, holding the back door open. Dimitri led me towards it with a hand on my lower back. Climbing in, I found Lissa in the back seat already waiting and Chelsy in the front seat. 

Once Dimitri and I were seated, Caleb climbed in behind the wheel, “To the hospital,” he glanced at me in the rearview mirror before taking off. 

We drove in a formation, Lissa heavily protected even in the Royal Court. Though knowing how Tatiana had died, the risks to the Queen were more than just Strigoi.

I turned to Lissa, “Do you always have this many guardians?”

“I often have six with me at all times, sometimes more.” At my raised eyebrow, she laughed, “Rose, if you had your way, I would have more.”

I scoffed, fully believing that. Lissa’s safety has always been the most important thing to me. At least until a certain someone came along. I glanced at Dimitri from the corner of my eye.

He had explained that he was Christian’s primary guardian, having only one assigned to him due to living in the palace, and when Lissa was here, Christian had the Royal Guards. It was the best of both worlds, really; we both kept our jobs as guardians, and I was with Lissa, but then we could still see each other.

I was unsure how much we saw each other considering Lissa and I lived an hour away, but it must be enough that I have clothes at his place.

As we drove through Court, I glanced out the windows. It looked the same, really, but still so unfamiliar. It wasn’t home, but neither was the academy anymore. 

I was worried that even the house I lived in with Lissa wouldn’t feel like home.

I felt displaced, thrown completely out of any comfort zone I had, and there were all these people that I didn’t know that regarded me as a friend or colleague. Luckily, I had Dimitri and Lissa with me.

But even they weren’t the same as I remembered; both of them had more weight on their shoulders. Dimitri had shadows in his eyes that weren’t there before.  And Lissa held herself differently, more confident, an air to her that made everyone take notice.

It was all different.

After a couple of scans and many questions and prodding, I was deemed okay to go home. We weren’t told anything different than what Dr Olendzki had said. 

They told me it was retrograde amnesia and it was most likely caused by the head trauma I sustained in the accident. I was to take it easy for a couple of days and not strain myself. They seemed fairly optimistic that my memories would return but were vague on how long it would take. 

Sending me off with the suggestions of meditating and being around things that might jog my memory.

None of it gave me any confidence.

By the time we were done, my mood was low. While Dimitri was in the room with me talking to the doctors, Lissa waited in another room with Chelsy and Caleb.

Just my luck, my parents had also joined the group. As soon as I stepped foot into the room, my mother started questioning me.

“What did they say?”

I managed to keep the irritation off my face when I answered her, “Same stuff we already know.” There was a tense atmosphere in the room but also melancholy. I shifted on my feet, uncomfortable.

“I see,” She looked at me, then back at Abe, “You must be tired. Your father and I thought it would be best if you came to stay with us. We have an apartment not far from here.”

I looked at her in disbelief. I wasn’t sure what kind of relationship we had before I lost my memories, but currently, there wasn’t much of one between us. My mother and I had come to an understanding after Spokane, but not enough of one for me to want to stay with them. 

I shifted my feet again, crossing my arms, “No thanks.”

Janine’s eyebrows furrowed, “And why not?” There was some annoyance in her expression but also a tiny amount of sorrow.

“Because I don’t really know you,” At my words, her sorrow grew, but then it was quickly wiped from her face, eyes becoming stern.

“We are your parents. You know us, Rosemarie.” 

“I know you a little,” I told her pointedly, nodding towards Abe, “ and I barely know him. I’m going to stay with Dimitri.” I told them firmly. I hated all the eyes we had on us; I didn’t need the people I worked with to see me fight with my mother.

Janine visibly bristled, “I don’t think it is the best idea -”

“Why not?” I cut her off, “We are together.”

“You don’t remember that, Rose.”

My anger was building, not just because my mother didn’t trust me to make my own choices, but she obviously didn’t trust Dimitri either.

“I think it would be best for Rose to stay with me, Guardian Hathaway,” Dimitri stepped up to my side, his voice calm, “They said she should be around things that are familiar to her. It could help her regain her memories.”

My mother wanted to argue more, but surprisingly Abe agreed with Dimitri, “Dimitri is right, Janine. He will keep an eye on Rose, and we can see her tomorrow.” 

While I wasn’t a fan of Abe, this made me like him a little, even more so because he managed to get Janine to agree with him. To say it was awkward after that was an understatement. I was thrilled to say my goodbyes and follow Dimitri out of the hospital.

It wasn’t until we were outside that I turned to him, “Does she just not like you?”

The corner of his mouth twitched, “There have been some disagreements in the past.” I wanted to ask, but from the clench in his jaw, I knew he didn’t want to dwell on it. So I bit my tongue. 

I wasn’t sure where we were going, so I silently trailed behind Dimitri as he led the way. I was moving slower, so he fell into step with me, maintaining the same pace.  I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling some of my nerves returning.

I didn’t know how we would usually interact here, sure my friends and parents knew of us, but I remember the stigma about dhampirs couples. While I would be all for walking hand in hand with Dimitri, as I always wished we could at the academy, I wasn’t sure if that was allowed.

Or if Dimitri even wanted to.

He’s always been a private person, emotions carefully guarded around others; I felt like that would carry over to any romantic feelings or interactions. And so I walked beside him, keeping a small distance between us like we did when we were still student and mentor.

I could feel his eyes on me, but I kept mine on the ground.

Thankfully it wasn’t a long walk, I wasn’t paying too much attention to the area around us, but I knew his apartment building was on a somewhat busy street. We took the elevator up to the fourth floor. So far, nothing has triggered any memories.

At least the building looked clean and was somewhat new.

I entered the apartment after him, Dimitri holding the door open for me. It was nearing the end of the Moroi day, early rays of the sunrise peeking in through the windows, giving the room a light glow.

It was a simple set-up, not too big of a space. It was very Dimitri.

The kitchen and lounge room shared the same area but was still large enough not to feel cramped. It was clean and organised, with some personal belongings throughout, a large bookcase against the wall, the television with DVDs lining the shelves underneath it.

I noticed photos frames placed throughout, some of his family and some of us. I picked up one of the two of us standing with his family. It was bizarre and a little unsettling to see me in a photo I had no memory of being a part of. At least we all looked happy.

“That’s from the Christmas after I was restored. Paul said it was the best Christmas present he had ever been given.” Dimitri told me, a fondness in his tone.

I smiled, tracing the photo with my finger; I loved the time I got to spend with Dimtri’s family. I missed how Olena had treated me, the kindness she gave me. “Do we get to see them much?”

“Every Christmas since I was restored, we make the trip and stay for a couple of weeks.” 

I could feel despair growing in me, wishing I could remember those visits. Remember what it was like when his family saw him standing there, alive. I bet they had one hell of a party.

I returned the photo with a sigh, moving through the rest of the room. There was an open door that I looked to Dimitri for permission before entering. It was his bedroom.

It was less organised in here, clothes on the bed and draws opened like he had left in a rush.

“Sorry for the mess. I wanted to leave straight away once I knew what happened.” He explained, quickly tidying up. I watched as he fixed up the draws and opened the wall closet on the right side of the room to put away the clothes. The two doors swung open to reveal his clothes, casual wear, and uniforms neatly lining the racks on one side. On the other were women’s clothes.

Assuming that Dimitri didn’t just have some other woman’s clothes in his closet, these must be mine. I stood before them, running my hands along the outer edge.

None of them looked familiar, but they did at least look like something I would wear. It was nice to know that my style hadn’t changed.

“The bathroom is through there if you want to shower or to change,” He pointed to the door beside the closet. I was glad he understood that I would be a bit shy to change in front of him. At my nod, he turned and went to the dresser, opening a draw and retrieving what looked like pyjamas. “These are your favourite to sleep in,” He told me, handing them to me.

It was a pair of shorts and a faded shirt with Russian words on it. It must be one of Dimitri’s. I gave him a grateful smile, “Thanks.”

“Are you hungry? Did you want anything?”

Despite how much I had on the plane, I was still starving. “Food would be great.”

He grinned, “You get changed, and I’ll order something to eat. And then we can talk if you want?”

I eagerly nodded. I had a lot of questions. 

Once Dimitri had left the room, closing the door behind him, I decided to do a little more exploring. Opening the draws on the dresser, looking in each one. I had two of the five draws, a selection of items. 

Next, I looked in the bathroom, everything was arranged neatly, most being Dimitri’s things, but there was a second toothbrush, a hairbrush, deodorant and perfume set to the side. Finding more things I believe was mine in the draws. It was strange to go through Dimitri’s personal space like this, though I had to remind myself, this was mine as well.

I quickly stripped and changed into the outfit Dimitri had given me. I understood why they were my favourite; they were extremely comfortable, the material soft against my skin. I brushed my hair and then used one of the hair ties I found to tie my hair up. 

As I was pulling it up away from my neck, a mark drew my attention. I turned in the mirror until I could see the back of my neck, my eyes widening. There were so many marks there now. And there nestled in between the molnija marks was my promise mark.

I was still shocked to see how many molnijas I had; the amount easily doubled from what I had previously.

I still had my hand on my neck as I joined Dimitri in the living area. Putting down his phone, he glanced up at me, “I ordered Chinese,” His eyes narrowed in concern, “Does your neck hurt?”

I point to my neck, “When did I become such a badass?”

It took a moment for him to understand what I was referring to, chuckling to himself, “Rose, you have always been talented.”

“I see why they want me back guarding Lissa. I really must be one of the best,” I joked. It was always easy for me to fall back on my cocky attitude. But from the look of pride in Dimitri’s eyes, I wondered if it wasn’t just me talking myself up.

I ducked my head, choosing to take another look around the apartment. The closer I looked, the more I noticed bits and pieces that didn’t belong to Dimitri. Such as some books on his shelves, a couple of photos of Lissa and me. 

“So, how often do I stay here?” I asked, thumbing the titles of the books, finding my animal behaviour science textbooks among them. The first thing I actually recognised.

“Twice a month, Lissa will come back to take part in meetings and such. You and I get most of the weekend off and would catch up.” He had crossed the room, lowering himself to the blue couch, giving me space to explore.

Staring at him, the way his knee kept bouncing, his hands fidgeting, I realised that he was nervous as well. Then, it occurred to me that this situation was just as hard for Dimitri as it was for me. While I didn’t remember what happened between us, he did. He remembers it all, but now he is with a woman that was no longer the same person.

A lot can happen in three years, and I didn’t know how much I had changed from an eighteen-year-old that had been hunting her lover across Russia.

Hell, even just in the time between him finding us in Portland and when he was taken in that cave, I had changed.

I collapsed on the couch beside him, sighing. “This is weird, isn’t it?”

His smile was tight, “Maybe a little.” He reclined back, relaxing in the cushions, turning to face me. “What did you want to talk about?”

I hesitated for a second before reaching for him, taking his hand in mine, tracing the lines of his palms before threading my fingers through his. “Can I do this? In public, I mean. Can I hold your hand, or do we not do that?”

He squeezed my fingers with his, “Yes, you can, and often you do a lot more. You enjoy making me flustered, and I enjoy seeing you smile.”

“Sounds like something I would do.”

I kept my eyes on his hand, unsure to ask my next question. There was a lot I wanted to know, a lot of missing time to cover, but all I wanted to know was what happened after I tried to escape. Obviously, I didn’t die, and I didn’t end up killing Dimitri, but I didn’t know how we went from me jumping out that window to Dimitri being restored.

I held myself back from asking because I didn’t think he would want to discuss those days.

Sensing my inner turmoil, Dimitri shifted closer to me on the couch, “Rose, you can ask anything, and I will do my best to answer you.”

“After I jumped out of the window,” I started before my confidence could leave me, “What happened?”

A look of shame and guilt crossed his face, eyes darkening, but he wasn’t surprised by the question. He held on tight to my hand; I wasn’t sure if it was for my comfort or his. He took a deep breath to steady himself, “You escaped into the maze. I was chasing after you, taunting you. But you figured the way out and ran into the forest that was nearby, heading towards the town. I caught up to you a couple of times, but you kept getting away until you reached a bridge.

“Both of us knew you couldn’t take me, and so you… threatened to jump off the bridge. If you fell, you would have died. I was still determined to turn you, and I knew that if you did that, then I would have lost you.” His voice was flat, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice, but I could hear the strain. “You asked me why I wanted to turn you, why I wanted you.” A listless smile crossed his face. “I said the wrong answer.”

I remembered my moment of realisation before I had the courage to escape. He always said he wanted me, but never that he loved me. Dimitri wasn’t looking at me, eyes unfocused, staring at the wall in front of us. I leant against him, our shoulders brushing, “What did I do?”

He turned to me, eyes glistening, “You climbed over the railing and let go.”

I inhaled sharply.

“I managed to catch you and pulled you back just enough.” His hand came up to rub at his chest, continuing in a low voice. “Then you staked me, and I fell off the bridge.”

I felt my blood run cold. I had staked him. I had staked Dimitri.  

I knew I had made up my mind, knowing in my heart that that wasn’t Dimitri anymore, and I needed to save his soul. But I was never sure I could go through with it. “If I staked you… How?”

“You missed the heart.”

A laugh bubbled out, quickly shutting my mouth to cut off the sound, “Sorry. It’s just….” After all of that, I really did fail, but with Dimitri sitting before me now, I was happy I did. “If I didn’t miss, you wouldn’t be here.”

“I know, Roza.” The shadows in his eyes stood out in contrast to the small smile he gave me. I wasn’t sure if he regretted that I had missed or not. Before I could ask, he continued with the story, “It was after that that you found out about a spirit user that had restored a Strigoi. You returned to the academy and graduated and then moved to Court with Lissa, coming up with a plan to save me.” 

He was giving me a cliff notes version of the story; I would have to ask Lissa for more details.

“Then, in the end, you saved me, Roza,” Dimitri looked at me again. The shadows had receded, leaving an intense look of love, one that I couldn’t resist. 

I sprung forward, lips locking with his as my arms snaked around his neck, hands burying into his hair. His arms wrapped around me, grip almost desperate as his long fingers splayed out along the planes of my back, one slipping under the hem of my shirt. 

His hands pulled me closer, guiding me until I straddled his lap, our lips not breaking contact.

After a couple of minutes, I drew back just enough to breathe, lips an inch away. I held his eyes so he could see my sincerity, my love, my forgiveness. “I love you, Dimitri.”

Our fairly steamy, make-out session was put to an end by a knock on Dimitri’s door, our food delivered. We switched to other topics as we ate, such as Lissa becoming queen and more of what happened after I was framed. Hearing about the elaborate plan they pulled off to break me out of jail had my eyebrows raised, especially when Dimitri told me of my father’s hand in it.

Then Dimitri happened to drop a surprise that I was not ready for.

“Lissa has a half-sister,” I was pacing the lounge room, “Jill is Lissa’s sister.” I had repeated it a couple of times now, but it still wasn’t making any sense. Lissa’s parents loved each other; I just couldn’t imagine Lissa’s father doing that. And then there was the whole fact that Tatiana gave that information to me as a dying request. I rounded on Dimitri, “How did I even find her?”

He pulled a face, unsure of continuing, but I stared at him until he did, “Sydney tracked down a relative that we hoped knew where she was.”

“And who was the relative?”

“Sonya Karp.”

I pulled back, “She’s Strigoi.”

Dimitri’s lips turned up in a smile, “Not anymore.”

I had to sit down on the couch again. Miss Karp was restored. “But how? You said Lissa had to stay here and was doing the trials. Who was able to restore her?” A strange look crossed Dimitri’s face, and I felt like I wouldn’t like this answer.

“Robert Doru.”

I was starting to get annoyed by these short answers, “And who is that, comrade?”

“Victor Dashkov’s brother. He was also the man that told you and Lissa how to do it.”

Victor. I hated hearing his name. The last time I saw him was his trial where he threatened to out Dimitri and me; luckily, no one believed him when he did. “How the hell did I even find that guy?”

There was that look again, “It was part of what you had to do to save me, I don’t know all the specifics, but you, Lissa, and Eddie broke Victor out of prison and then he took you to his brother.” 

I deflated against the couch, rubbing my eyes with the palm of my hands. This was definitely too much. Each question I had just kept leading to more, and I swear it was getting crazier each time. Dimitri had been right about one thing, though; I went through a lot to restore him.

“Roza?” He asked, concern colouring his tone.

“I’m honestly scared to ask what happened after I broke him out of prison.”

Silence. 

I peeked over at Dimitri; he was staring off again, lost in his memories. “He escaped.”

Great, back to two-word replies. I groaned. I released the man that had tortured Lissa and dreamt of leading some revolution and now he is out there somewhere. “We didn’t catch him, did we?” I felt so drained, disappointed in my own actions, though because they brought Dimitri back to me, I couldn’t bring myself to regret them.

“He’s dead, Rose.”

I didn’t get a chance to see Dimitri’s expression as he stood from the couch, busying himself with cleaning up dinner. It was a pretty clear sign that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, and with the headache that was forming behind my eyes, I was happy to let it slide. For now.

I wanted to change the topic, try to break the atmosphere in the room. I glanced towards the bedroom, making me think of how good sleep sounded right now. But that brings up questions of its own and a good amount of nerves.

Fiddling with the hem of my shirt, I asked, “So, comrade?” He hummed in response, moving about in the kitchen, “What’s the sleeping arrangement like?” I was glad that we were in different parts of the room, my back to him, so he couldn’t see the blush that had taken over my face.

Sure we had had sex, and more, for him at least. But for me, this would be my first time sharing a room with a man. This wasn’t like sleeping against him on the plane or squeezed together on the clinic bed. This was different and new.

I didn’t hear him approach, jumping in surprise when he crouched before me. His expression was caring, if not a little amused. “I can sleep out here on the couch if you would like, but I would very much like to sleep next to you, Roza.”

There he goes, being all cool and confident again as I melt like putty from his words. I nodded, “I would like that too.”

His answering smile was large and perfect, making my breath catch. He stood, hand held out to pull me from the couch. The smile never left his face as he led me to the bedroom.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8

Where was I?

A forest surrounded me; it was so dark I couldn’t see far in front of me. My feet tripping over the foliage on the forest floor. With how silent it was, each snap of twigs and crunch of leaves was amplified. 

It felt like something was chasing me. No… Someone.

My ankle was hurting with each step, but I couldn’t stop to check it, praying that it would hold up as long as I needed it. I had to escape, I don’t know why or where to go, but I had to get away.

“...Roza…”

My blood turned to ice in my veins, a cold sweat breaking out. 

I felt the sickness churn in my stomach. 

He was close.

“Roza…”

I can’t let him get me. I couldn’t take him right now; my body was too weak. I didn’t want to be turned. I would rather die.

Suddenly I felt his cold body pressed up against my back. His deep voice whispered in my ear, “Roza. I know you’re here. You have no chance of running. No chance of hiding.”

And then I was falling, a scream tearing from my throat.

I woke up screaming. It felt like I was falling for a second before my back collided with the floor, the scratchy carpet digging into my skin. I was panting, eyes darting around the room frantically. 

He was coming for me. He is going to kill me.

Before I could scramble off the ground, footsteps were racing towards me, the darkness of the room making it difficult to see who it was. I crouched instinctively, readying myself to fight for my life.

“Roza!”

His voice made me jerk back, panic shooting through me. He found me.

“I won’t let you turn me!” I screamed at him, hands desperately searching around me for a weapon but finding nothing.

Dimitri froze in front of me, a foot of distance between us. Slowly he held his hands up, the action familiar to me. “Roza, it’s okay. Just breath,” His voice was calming, much softer than it ever was when he spoke to me in that room. “You just had a nightmare.”

I had backed away from him as much as I could, my back plastered against the wall, still pressing against it as if I could slip through.

Slowly he reached to the wall beside him, pausing for a moment when my breath hitched. I was confused as to what he was doing until he gripped some material and tugged on it. 

He was opening curtains, I realised, watching as golden hues of sunlight poured into the once dark room. My heart skipped a beat as the sun bathed Dimitri’s body, and he didn’t burn.

Suddenly the events of the last few days came flying back, my breath catching at the knowledge that Dimitri was no longer Strigoi. 

He was Dimitri again; he was my Dimitri.

My body deflated, the tension and panic leaving my body. I was still breathing heavily, though it was no longer due to fear. Dimitri must have noticed the change, carefully moving closer to me one step at a time. When I reached out for him, he quickly wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.

I gripped him tightly, relishing in the warmth of his body, nothing like the icy feeling from my dream. Or what I think was a dream.

“Roza,” He whispered against me, tone full of concern, no trace of the malice from my dream, “Are you okay? I’m so sorry for scaring you.”

I pressed my face into his neck, tightening my hold on him. I felt terrible. I was constantly reminding him of his days as Strigoi, wishing that I could take all his pain from him. “It’s okay. I’m okay.” I repeated to him, over and over.

Slowly, the desperation of our embrace eased, leaning away from each other but not letting go yet. 

His hand stroked down my hair, tucking it behind my ear. “Was it a nightmare, or did you…” He trailed off, but I could guess he was wondering if I had a memory. 

I couldn’t tell. 

I just shook my head, pulling him close again, not wanting to talk about it.

Dimitri obliged, scooping me up in his arms. He returned us both to the bed, pulling the blanket back up to cover us. Because he had opened the blinds, we now sat in light. I realised then that I hadn’t seen him in the sunlight since the caves; I had forgotten how much I loved the colour of his eyes mixing with the sunshine, looking like smooth caramel.

I studied his face, the soft shadows cast on it, the way it made his jaw appear more striking, strong. I traced the lines of his face with my fingertips, trailing down to his neck and then to his bare chest, settling over his heart. My mind pictured what he had looked like with a stake through it, the one I had put there.

“Roza,” His gentle whisper broke the silence of the room. 

“I’m happy that I have you back, I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to stop you, but I’m glad you aren’t dead. I had accepted that I was going to live the rest of my life without you, but I’m so thankful that I don’t have to.” I confessed. I’m sure he had already had this conversation with the me I can’t remember. 

I wondered what he was like when he was first restored. 

What was everyone's reaction to him becoming a dhampir again?

Had I helped him through it all? 

There were so many things I wanted to know still, so much I wished I could remember so that I didn’t need to make Dimitri relive it again by retelling it all.

But right now, I wanted to just lay in my lover’s arms in the sunlight. I laid back against the pillows, tugging Dimitri down with me. He had remained silent, eyes on mine, enjoying my presence just as much as I his.

I would never get past the awe I felt in knowing that I had the man I once thought forever lost. I felt tears gathering in my eyes, staring deep into his as I whispered, “I never want to lose you again.”

Softly he pressed his lips to my forehead, then my cheeks, and finally, my lips. “You will always have me, Roza. Always.” There was a promise in his tone, the emotion behind it so strong that I felt like the words were branded on my heart.

We laid together like that for a while, the sun setting behind us, staring into each other’s eyes as the shadows moved across us until we were left in the darkness again.

It was still some time before we moved, and it was only because our stomachs started to let their needs be known. Dimitri appeared flustered after his made a rather loud noise mid-kiss. I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me.

“I think it’s trying to tell us something, comrade.”

Amusement shone in his eyes, a playfulness in his tone, “And what is it saying?”

Happy to play along, I ducked under the blanket to press my ear against his stomach, feeling the vibrations of his chuckle against my cheek. “I think it’s saying pancakes,” I paused, pressing close again, “and coffee.” I reappeared, taking my spot in his arms again, “That’s my expert opinion.”

Dimitri hummed in response, squeezing me, “Coffee sounds amazing.” With a kiss on my forehead, he was rolling out of bed. 

I shielded my eyes against the sudden light when he flipped on the bedside lamp but then became distracted by the sight of his bare back to me. It did wonderful things to me. The cabin flashed in my mind for a moment, biting my lip to stop the moan that wanted to escape.

I never craved sex this much before my first time with Dimitri, my one and only time as far as I could remember. I had always wanted his touch, my body begging for any of the fleeting touches I could gain from him at the academy. But after that night, I wanted to experience it again so badly that I was willing to have sex with Strigoi Dimitri, something I didn’t want to dwell on too much.

Was I just as desperate for his touch now? After three years together, did I still feel this burning for him in the pit of my stomach?

If I did, I could only hope that the feeling was mutual. 

“What are you thinking about?”

His voice startled me, blinking at him, hoping that my expression hadn’t given away my not so family friend thoughts. “Nothing.” I squeaked. His smirk made my toes curl.

I quickly rolled to the other side of the bed, needing some distance before I tried to jump him then and there. Thinking of his smirk made me think of his mouth and how good it had felt. And then I started to think of what else it could do…

Stop it, Rose! I scolded myself. I was sounding every bit like the horny teenager I was.

I paused.

Then spun to face Dimitri, “What’s the date?”

Dimitri glanced at me as he pulled on a shirt covering up all of that goodness, “March 23rd.”

My eyes widened, “I missed my birthday!” I whined, quickly doing the math in my head. Gasping, I was definitely not a teenager anymore. “I missed my twenty-first birthday.” My face fell. While I didn’t do a lot for my birthdays in the past, mainly because I had no family to celebrate it with, I had been looking forward to this one due solely to the fact I could legally drink.

A sad smile settled on Dimtri’s face, “Yes, you did. But I think Lissa is already planning something to make up for it.”

That made me feel a little better, but I was still a bit miffed that I had missed it.

“If you want, we could do something together.”

My eyes lit up, “Really?”

He gave me a full smile, which was a present in and of itself, “Yes, Roza. What would you like to do?”

I thought it over, “Well, seeing I’m of age, we could -”

“No, we aren’t going drinking. The doctors said you should avoid alcohol for a while.” Dimitri told me sternly.

I pouted but quickly got over it. It wasn’t like I had never experienced it before. My memories of the Russian vodka in Baia was enough to turn my stomach. “Okay, how about a date?”

An eyebrow raised, “A date?”

I nodded, “Yeah. Technically you have never taken me out on a date. I want you to take me on a romantic dinner date.” I was grinning by the end.

Dimitri chuckled lightly, “Okay, Rose. I will take you on a romantic dinner date.” I was nearly jumping from the excitement. 

“When can we go? Can we go tonight? You can show me a little of Court as well.”

There was so much affection in his eyes as he watched me, “I suppose I could come up with something for tonight, depending on how you’re feeling later today, though.” Of course, he was concerned about my wellbeing.

I rolled my eyes, “I’m fine, comrade. Really, good as new.”

His eyes narrowed, “We will see. Now, shall I make us some breakfast?”

I stretched out my legs, Dimitri automatically lifting his arms so that I could rest them on his lap, even going the step further and wrapping his fingers around one foot and massaging it. I let out a content sigh. 

He chuckled, “Having a good time there?”

I sunk into the pillows closing my eyes, “Definitely.” I moaned. I was worried that it would be boring or even awkward staying home all day, but it had been one of the best days. However, that is very likely because I got to spend the whole day with Dimitri.

I wasn’t aware that he cooked, let alone that he cooked well. Though with Olena as a mother, I shouldn’t be surprised. After eating, we took up spots on the couch, and Dimitri told me stories of our trips to Russia. Apparently, I was still not faring any better with Russian vodka. Dimitri had been laughing as he recounted the tale of me and Viktoria sharing a bottle between us which led to some questionable table dancing that Dimitri had been quick to put an end to.

Any embarrassment I felt was quickly erased by the pure pleasure I felt from hearing his laugh, full-bodied and unrestrained. In ways, it was like being around a completely different person than who I remembered. But over the day, I realised that these parts of him were always there, just held back. Now he didn’t have to when with me, and it filled me with so much love seeing that comfort he had with me. 

Our affection didn’t have to be hidden in the shadows or away from judging eyes anymore. It wasn’t stolen moments and touches in the gym while we pretended to be focused on sparring and not the close contact of our bodies.

“You look happy,” Dimitri commented, moving to the other foot, hitting a spot that made me groan.

A goofy smile spread across my face, “I am happy.”  

I was thankful that Dimitri and I had already developed a close relationship when I was eighteen and that it wasn’t a love that grew later on. I would hate to think he loved the older me and not the me that I am now.

I tried not to overthink the fact that I was my eighteen-year-old mind and memories in my twenty-one-year-old body. It honestly gave me a headache to think about it, and once I start throwing in other people’s feelings about it, it all becomes too much.

But I was also very curious. “Dimitri?” I gained his attention; eyebrow raised, “What am I like?” His brows furrowed in confusion, so I elaborated, “I mean, what am I like now? How have I changed from what I can remember? Like, have I finally managed to achieve your art of Zen and control of my emotions? Or have I finally become better at doing homework now that I’m in college? What’s different about me?”

Dimitri continued to rub my feet, a pensive look on his face. “You have learnt some control, though you are still wild at times,” He told me with a smile. “You’ve grown into an amazing guardian, which isn't surprising. Thankfully, you do think more before you jump headfirst into situations, but you do still somehow find trouble easily.”

“Hey,” I defended, “I don’t find trouble. It finds me.”

He chuckled, “You search for it just as much.” Releasing my feet, he turns to face me, hand resting on my thigh, “You are an amazing woman, Roza. Strong and brave. Everything that you went through for me, even after… The fact that you choose me makes me happy every day.”

A distant look settled in his eyes, losing himself to memories again. I brought my hand up to cup his face, stroking the light stubble on his cheeks. The look faded from his eyes, focusing on mine, “I would always choose you, Dimitri.”

He turned his face into my hand, lips pressing against my palm, then they started to travel up my arm. I gasped when he sucked at my pulse point before moving further up. His brown eyes darkened, an intense look of wanting in them making me swallow in anticipation. 

This was it. Dimitri very clearly wanted me as much as I have been wanting him. And I wanted him bad.

He was studying me; something he saw made him smirk. The look he was giving me was so full of promise, and I wanted all of it. Lips continued to travel up my arm and then across my shoulder and collar bone to the opposite arm. I was thankful that he avoided my neck, not ready to deal with that can of worms.

As he peppered my exposed skin with kisses, his hands ventured up my thighs, his calloused fingers exploring my body. I became breathless, small moans each time he found the perfect spot, spots I wasn’t aware of that I liked, but Dimitri has had time to learn them all.

Lips now running along my jaw and up to my ear, pressing a kiss behind my ear, making me shiver. “Roza,” He purred against my ear. “Tell me what you want.”

I was pretty sure I was incapable of forming words by this point. Any thought that would form would just be lost in the feeling of him touching me, pulling needy sounds from me as his hand disappeared under my shirt.

“Roza, you have to tell me.”

Some of the pleasure that clouded my mind cleared, his serious tone pulling me back. I opened my eyes to look into his; he was watching, waiting for my permission. Dimitri had to make sure this was something I wanted.

Taking his face in my hands again, I pulled him forward to cover his lips with mine; it was a short kiss but sweet and passionate. “Dimitri, I -”

A knock startled us both, looking over at the front door as they knocked again.

I squeezed my eyes shut, “Don’t you dare stop. They will go away.” And if they didn’t, I was going to kill whoever was on the other side.

Dimitri was about to lean in again when there was another, more persistent, knock.

“Rosemarie!” My mother’s voice floated through the wood door. And just like that, the mood was gone.

I groaned, “I don’t care what you say. I hate her.”

With one last kiss, Dimitri stood from the couch, grimacing down at himself, “I’ll be back in a minute.” I shot him a panicked look as he left me on the couch, disappearing into the bedroom.

“ Dimitri . Don’t leave me alone with her.” I hissed, flipping him off as the door closed. 

Another knock.

My mother. The cockblock.

Walking to the front door, I mumbled many things under my breath that I was sure Dimitri would frown at and maybe even blush. Glad that I had at least changed out of my pyjamas this morning, so I looked somewhat decent when I opened the door.

On the other side stood my mother, along with Abe and his two guardians.

“I was starting to think you weren’t home,” Janine commented, eyes giving me a once over before settling on my face, which I’m sure had a scowl.

“We were sleeping,” I lied, giving a reason for why Dimitri was still in the bedroom.

We stood in silence.

“Would you like to invite us in, or shall we talk out here?” Abe smirked. He was also studying me. 

I stepped aside so that they could enter, one of Abe’s guardians following in after him; the other remained out in the hallway. “Make yourselves at home. I would offer you a drink, but I don’t know where anything is.” I gave them a forced smile.

My parents stood in the middle of the room while I returned to the couch, unsure of what else to do. Dimitri better hurry up and be the mediator between us. 

Janine took it all in stride, which was mildly surprising, “That’s alright.” 

What was more surprising was when she helped herself to the kitchen, pulling down a glass and pouring herself a drink of water. She knows where everything is.

Maybe Dimitri wasn’t lying when he said we had a good relationship now.

“How are you feeling, Rose?” Abe asked, settling into the seat in the corner of the room by the bookshelf. I noticed he was equally at ease in this space as my mother was.

Other than sexually frustrated? “I’m fine.”

“And you have been taking it easy?” Janine asked.

It was strange seeing how much they both cared about me. “Yeah, Dimitri has been making sure that I am not exerting myself too much.” I hid my smirk, knowing that we were about to do the very opposite.

Janine joined us, taking the seat next to me. I jumped when her hands grabbed one of mine, but I didn’t pull away. “Rose, I wanted to apologise for how I behaved yesterday. When I found out about you being in a car accident, and then I arrived at the hospital to find out you had disappeared… Well, it was a lot. I’d let my emotions take over, and I’m sorry for how I acted.”

I hadn’t been expecting an apology from the famous Janine Hathaway. I don’t think I even got an apology when she punched me in the face. This was uncharted territory for me, “It’s okay.” I replied weakly, unsure of what else to say. It appeared to be enough, a small smile pulling at the corners of her lips. Just like Dimitri, receiving a smile from Janine was a rare occurrence.

“Well, now that that is taken care of, any luck on regaining those memories?” Abe asked a slight smile of his own aimed towards my mother.

I shrugged, a little disappointed myself that I hadn’t remembered anything yet. I was still unsure if the dream was a memory or not, but other than that, nothing.

Janine brushed back some of my hair, “Just give it time. I’m sure it will come back soon.”

This was very weird, like being dropped in the twilight zone, but at the same time, I liked it. I had always wished I had a real family, parents that cared for me. It was part of the reason why I loved being around Olena; it was like having a caring maternal mother, and now, here was my mother showing more affection to me than I thought possible.

I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of the bedroom door opening, Dimitri rejoining us. His hair was damp, hanging loosely around his chin. Someone must have had a cold shower.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” His eyes flicked to mine, trying to figure out if I needed help or not with my parents. I shook my head.

“It’s fine, comrade. Did you have a nice shower?” I winked at him, knowing my parents couldn’t see me. He kept his face impassive, but I noticed his jaw tighten. It took a lot in me to not keep teasing.

“Yes, Dimitri, it’s fine.” Abe waved him off, leaning back in the chair and crossing his legs. He continued, “We actually stopped by to ask if we could take you both out for dinner tonight. A little something to make up for Rose’s birthday.”

While part of me had been looking forward to the dinner date Dimitri had promised me, looking at the hopeful looks on my parent’s faces, I couldn’t bring myself to turn them down. I glanced at Dimitri; he nodded at me, saying it was my choice. “Dinner would be great. What time?”

“Wonderful, let’s say seven. And the usual place.”

I hoped Dimitri knew where the usual place was.

Janine gave me another smile, this time relieved. “Well, we will get out of your hair. We’ll see you at seven.”

After they had left, I was chewing on my thumbnail, nervousness building in me. 

Dimitri had led them out and was now leaning against the closed door, watching me, “You don’t have to be so worried. You like this place.”

“The usual place?” I asked, “Do we go there a lot?”

“Every time your father visits.”

“Is that often?”

He shrugged, “He has business everywhere and will sometimes fly in for a night every couple of months. Your mother tends to show up around the same time as well.”

My eyes flicked to his, “What were the past disagreements between you and my mom?” I wasn’t going to push, but if I was going to be stuck at dinner with them and Dimitri, I needed to know the history.

Dimitri rubbed the back of his neck, “They weren’t too pleased when they found out that our relationship started when you were still a student.”

I felt the blood drain from my face, “Oh, that.” I really hope they didn’t know just how far our relationship had gone before he was turned. Dimitri was suddenly in front of me, pulling me into his arms.

“Don’t stress over it, Roza. They moved past it. For the most part." I shot him a look. "They just care about your happiness.”

I sighed against his chest, embracing him, “Well, it’s a good thing that you make me so very happy.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 9

The usual place, it turns out, was a fancy place. I understand now why Dimitri told me to dress up a little.

It had taken me some time to find something to wear, mainly because I had to go through everything I owned to even know what I had. There wasn’t a large selection, Dimitri explaining that most of my things were back in Bethlehem, so it was a bit of trial and error. I, of course, made Dimitri sit and watch the fashion show I put on, but after his opinion was the same “I think it looks great on you” for five in a row, I stopped asking.

After settling on a forest green wrap dress that was long-sleeved, stopping mid-thigh, some tights and ankle boots, I had to do my hair and make-up. This was where I took the longest because I didn’t know how to hide the injuries on my face.

While I had healed a little more, it was still obvious that my face had collided with something hard. The bruises were starting to yellow, and the long cut was still red and scabbing. I hated it.

I stared dubiously at the minimal make-up I had, doubting that even this could do much to cover it. I tried adjusting my hair, but unless I wanted to have half my face covered all night, it wasn’t going to work. 

Groaning frustrated, I closed my eyes, leaning against the bathroom counter. Dimitri’s hands came to land on my hips, pulling my body back against his, lips pressing against my hair.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, thumbs rubbing in small circles on my lower back. I gazed back at him in the reflection of the mirror.

“I look like I’ve been in a car crash,” I whined.

The corner of his lips twitched, “You were in a car crash.”

“Yeah,” I pointed to my face, “and now I look ugly.”

Dimitri moved his head to the side, trailing kisses down the side of my face, stopping at my ear, “You could never be ugly, Roza.”

I rolled my eyes, concealing my smile, “You’re biased.”

He chuckled, “Maybe. But I’m not wrong.” He turned me in his arms, so we were facing each other, “You look beautiful. A cut and bruises would never change that.” His lips descended on mine, my hands snaking up around his neck. His hair was pulled up and tied at the nape of his neck, wearing a pair of dark jeans and a black button-up shirt that showed his muscles nicely. In short, he looked delicious.

I pulled back, biting my lip while looking up at him through my lashes, “You know, we never did pick up where we left off earlier.” My hand dragged down his shoulder to the opening of his shirt; the top two buttons were undone, my fingers ghosting over the skin of his exposed chest.

Brown eyes darkened as his lips pressed against mine again. When he pulled back, I tried desperately to follow him, making him chuckle. The sound travelled through me and made my knees weak. “Maybe if you didn’t take so long to get ready. We have to go.”

My mind was hazed over from his kisses that it took me a moment to understand what he was saying. I pouted, “We can be late.”

“Nope,” His hand smacked playfully on my ass, then pulled back from me with a smirk, “Finish up.”

This time when I groaned in frustration, it was for a different reason than before. Choosing to settle on just leaving my hair down, I followed Dimitri out.

Abe had sent a car for us, it wasn’t a long drive, but everyone was strict about me taking it easy. My eyes widened at the sight of the restaurant; all the walls were large floor to ceiling glass panes so that I could see the people at their tables, waiters in suits serving them. The food looked amazing and expensive. It was more of a Moroi place, and yet dhampirs were eating there. Dimitri had mentioned that things had changed under Lissa’s rule, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. 

Lissa had been working over the years to improve dhampir lives and how they are treated. It was weird seeing the difference now.

Abe and Janine were meeting us at the table. We entered the building and told the waitress the name. Dimitri led me through the room after her while I looked around, definitely not like the kind of places I had been to before. Or I guess I have… 

“Rose, you look lovely.”

I turned my attention to Abe; he stood from his chair at the table. We were tucked away in the corner, giving us more privacy from the rest of the diners. Janine was seated beside him giving me a warm smile. 

I forced a smile in greeting, “Thanks.” 

Dimitri crossed to the other side of the table, pulling out my chair for me. I was surprised by the gesture but loved it nonetheless, giving him a genuine smile, which he returned.

Once seated, I picked up the menu, pretending to peruse it as I studied my parents over the top of it. Abe was in his usual eye assaulting attire, while Janine was more subtle, a simple dark blue blouse and black dress pants. I watched as Abe leant over to point to something on her menu, whispering something that made her laugh.

This was really weird.

I jumped when Dimitri rested his hand on my leg, looking over at me expectantly. I hadn’t realised that the waiter was at the table until I looked up at them staring at me, waiting for my order.

“Do you know what you want?” Dimitri asked. I skimmed the choices hoping it wasn’t obvious I was watching my parents, but I think Dimitri noticed when he grinned. “Do you want me to order you what you normally get?”

I quickly agreed, “Sounds good.”

Another waiter came around the table filling everyone’s glass with red wine, coming to mine and asking, “Would you like any wine, Miss?”

I opened my mouth but was cut off by Dimitri, who even went as far as moving my glass away from me. “No, she isn't drinking.”

I frowned at him, “I could’ve had a little.”

“No. Doctor’s orders.”

Looking across the table, I saw mom giving Dimitri a look of approval while Abe was smirking at me. He lifted his glass, voice filled with amusement, “Well, a toast to Rose for her twenty-first birthday. You always know how to keep us on our toes.” 

I huffed a laugh, picking up my water to toast, Dimitri following suit. “To Rose,” He toasted, smiling at me.

Janine didn’t seem to appreciate the toast but lifted her glass as well, giving me a kind smile. “To Rose.”

What started off as somewhat awkward soon became an enjoyable dinner. Abe had the knack for telling interesting stories, and he had a lot of them. I was on the edge of my seat listening to some of them; he even threw in a couple of when Dimitri was younger that he had heard from Yeva. I loved how flustered Dimitri became until the tables turned and Janine shared stories about me as a toddler. 

Dimitri seemed to know most of the stories they told about me, and they knew stories from my time at St Vladimir’s that I knew I hadn’t told them before. It gave more proof to the fact that I do have a decent relationship with my parents now.

Once the last plate had been removed from the table, Abe clasped his hands, looking excited, “Well, I think now is a good time for presents.” 

That grabbed my attention, “Presents?” I didn’t often get any. Lissa would give me a couple; even Alberta had given me a small gift some years. During my and Lissa time on the run, we didn’t get a chance to celebrate either of our birthdays and then my eighteenth had kind of sucked.

Abe waved over his guardian, Pavel, I had learnt, bringing a gift bag with him and placing it in front of me. I had to stand so I could see into it. I eyed the red bag, biting my lip, feeling unsure of myself. I wasn’t sure if I should open it here or wait for later.

“Go on, open it.” Janine encouraged me. 

With a nod from Dimitri, I opened the bag. Removing the coloured tissue paper from the top revealed a tall, slim black box next to another box that was wrapped. I pulled out the black box first. Laying it on the table, it was about the length of my chest and a couple of inches tall, a red ribbon wrapped around it holding it closed. I quickly removed the ribbon then removed the lid to reveal a beautiful burgundy leather jacket. 

It felt so soft to touch, and I wondered if it was real. I looked over at my parent’s with a large smile, “I love it.”

“Try it on. Make sure it fits,” Abe told me.

I didn’t need to be told twice, sliding my arms through; it was fitted enough to show the curve of my body, coming to an end at my hips. The zip ran up the left side of my chest, and it had a belt to cinch in my waist. It looked amazing, especially with the green dress I was wearing.

“I made sure that the pockets were deep enough that you could fit a stake in there,” Janine commented. Sticking my hands in the pockets proved that they were deep and spacey.

“This is perfect,” I told them, turning towards Dimitri and striking a pose. I had almost forgotten that there was more in the bag until Abe reminded me. This jacket must have cost a small fortune; I couldn’t believe there was still more. 

The second box was much heavier, though still slim. I made quick work of the paper covering it to reveal an apple laptop. If I was surprised by the jacket, I was shocked now. I have never had my own computer other than the cheap one that the academy provided me for assignments, and now I have a laptop.

I couldn’t accept this, looking across the table with wide eyes, “This is too much.”

Abe scoffed, waving his hand, “Nonsense. You mentioned your other one was having issues, so I figured it was time to upgrade.”

At my confused look, Dimitri explained, “Court gave you a loaner computer while living with Lissa. She offered to buy you one, but you refused.” I nodded, that sounded like me. I hated when Lissa would spend her money on me, preferring to use my own money.

My eyes fell to the computer, brushing my fingers over it. I had never had anyone buying me things like this; most things I owned at the academy were second hand or things I found on clearance sale. 

At a loss of words, I walked around the table and gave each of my parents a hug and thanked them. It wasn't something I was used to doing, but I knew it was the right thing to do based on their smiles.

After paying the cheque, we were outside the restaurant, and I was giving quick hugs again, thanking my parents for the meal and presents. I was still wearing the jacket they gifted me while Dimitri was carrying the gift bag that held the laptop.

“We will have to find some time to talk before I leave,” Janine told me, squeezing me before pulling back and fixing a look at me, “Call me if anything happens or you remember something.”

“I will,” I promised, resisting rolling my eyes at the firm tone she was using. While Janine is much more affectionate towards me, she still had a habit of talking to me like she would to another guardian.

By the time they had left, my face hurt from smiling so much. It was a good night but still a strange experience for me. I glanced back at Dimitri, reaching for his hand, feeling a jolt of elation that I could hold his hand out in public now. 

“Did you have a good time?” Dimitri asked, squeezing my hand in his. Rather than taking the car back, Dimitri opted for us to walk home. Taking our clasped hands and sliding them into the pocket of his duster, walking along the sidewalk.

I pressed close to him, “I went better than I thought it would. Can you believe my mom and I were in the same room for that long and no yelling? I think that is a new record for me.”

He chuckled, “I told you you got along with them.”

“Shows what can change in three years,” I joked. The sun had risen during dinner and was now warming the chill in the air. I glanced at Dimitri from the corner of my eye only to find his eyes already on me.

“Are you tired?”

“No, why?”

Turns out I didn’t have to give up my date with Dimitri for dinner with my parents. He took me to an ice cream parlour, buying me a double scoop of chocolate ice cream with brownie pieces in a waffle cone. I assumed he knew my order by heart because we had been here before, but I still loved that he knew me so well.

Walking down the streets in the late Moroi night, eating our ice creams drew us some old looks considering it was cold out. But dhampirs could already handle the cold better than Moroi or humans. Dimitri barely called this weather cold, having grown up in Siberia, and I just liked ice cream too much to say no.

I moaned at the taste of the ice cream, which may be another reason we were gaining looks. “Comrade, this is amazing.”

“It’s your favourite. If you had your way, you would just have a diet of doughnuts, pizza and ice cream,” He chuckled to himself.

I shot him a look, “Nothing wrong with that.” I didn’t miss the face he pulled; he had always been more conscious of eating healthier. Whereas I was happy to eat whatever tasted good, as long as it wasn’t squirrel bacon.

I paused.

Weird. Where did that come from?

“Roza?”

I blinked, focusing back on Dimitri, “Sorry, just having weird thoughts.”

Dimitri accepted my answer, gesturing with his head for me to follow him. We were in a courtyard not far from the church; with the bright sun out, I was able to take in the garden. It was pretty and peaceful. He led me over to a stone bench in the middle of the courtyard.

Though there was enough room for the two of us to fit easily, Dimitri pulled me down to sit on his lap, his arms wrapping around me. I snuggled in closer, feeling the warmth coming off him.

“Do you recognise anything here?” He asked, eyes looking down at me.

I glanced around. Nothing stood out to me, it looked a little familiar, but it also looked like most of Court. “Should I?”

Disappointed flicked across his expression before he schooled his features. Dimitri pointed at the garden, “You planted most of that.”

I couldn’t help but scoff. Gardening was not my thing.

“Hans made you as punishment for sneaking Lissa off Court,” He explained. 

I scrunched my nose. I must have hated that, and looking at the size of the courtyard; it must have taken forever to finish. “I did this?”

“You and Eddie.”

My eyes snapped to his. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t asked about Eddie. We were close, becoming more so after Mason’s death. “Eddie was doing it? Was he being punished too? What does he do now?” I rapid fired at Dimitri, but my last question gave me a sense of dread. No one had mentioned him before now. What if Eddie wasn’t alive anymore?

Dimitri must have noticed, pulling me closer, “Eddie is fine. Yes, he helped you and Lissa find a way to save me, and you got in trouble for it. He’s Jill’s guardian, living in California.”

I sighed in relief. While I was glad that Eddie was alive and no doubt being an amazing guardian, I was now thinking about all the novices that were in my year, or the ones younger than me; are they still alive?

I laid my head on Dimitri’s chest, my mood dropped, and with it, my energy.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

Before I could move, Dimitri lifted me from his lap, keeping my body cradled in his arms, somehow managing to carry the gift bag in one hand as well. 

“Comrade, I can walk!”

“Nope. Doctor’s orders,” He replied with a wink.

Too tired to fight him on it, I settled against him instead and just enjoyed the moment.

Chapter Text

Chapter 10

Dimitri POV

I don’t know why I had taken Rose to the courtyard last night. Of all the places to take her to in hopes of a memory returning, I choose the place that would have only brought back ones of pain.

I had tried to play it off as just being important because she had done some of the landscaping there once. Most of what she did was destroyed by the explosion Abe had set up when we broke Rose out of jail.

Desperation is the only excuse I had. The thought that maybe something more emotional and shocking would have returned to her, and maybe even bring the rest back with it. I was dreading the moment those memories returned, Roza having to relieve that pain of me pushing her away. Of those words that I spoke to her so carelessly.

Actions I took out of fear, masquerading them as me protecting her.

I almost lost her for good, thanking every day that she was able to forgive me, granted it took until she had almost died for me to even believe that she did.

Abe had toasted that Rose kept us on our toes, and I couldn’t agree more. I had no idea I could care so deeply for someone until I met her, and each time something happens to her my heart threatens to stop until I know she is okay.

I was greedily taking advantage of the fact she wanted to remain close to me, of being able to care for her. It hadn’t been that long since I had seen her before the car accident, but I was savouring each second I was able to lay in our bed with my arms wrapped tightly around her.

There was something so endearing about how shy she had become with intimacy between us, watching each way she would react to me caressing her. I remember how much I had wished I could be more affectionate with her at the academy, but I had become used to the way we were now. Rose was back to when we had to conceal it all, watching her eyes light up with joy and affection when I would hold her hand and kiss her made my chest swell with love.

Even her reaction to me agreeing to a date. Everything was like how I had wished I was when I was restored.

I wished I had gone straight to her, never denied seeing her or pushed her away. It was like a second chance to treat her how she deserved.

Rose was curled up against my side, mouth opened slightly as she breathed deeply. She had always snored a little, but I rarely brought it up to her, she would vehemently deny it each time. It was often a good sign when she did snore, it meant she was in a deep sleep, which was rare for us to find. Both the habit of being aware of our surroundings and nightmares make it difficult to have a peaceful night's rest. I always slept better when we were together. 

The last remaining streams of the sunset were slowly moving across the bed, hitting her hair in a way that made it glow, bringing out the warm tones of her skin that made me want to caress it. I had been watching her sleep for a while, not wanting to risk waking her by moving. 

The doctors had mentioned she would be tired for a couple of days and I wanted to give her as much rest as I could. I know she was playing it down but I could tell she was still in a little pain from the accident. That was definitely something that never changed over the years. 

Rose hated to be a burden, always feeling the need to have a tough exterior. 

Female guardians often get looked down on, especially Rose because she was short and didn’t pack on muscles as others did. But everyone that ever doubts her is soon proven wrong.

I could see her being unsure of herself again, being surprised by her Molnija marks. I would need to reaffirm to her just how talented she was.

A soft moan pulled me from my thoughts, focusing on Rose as she shifted around and pressed closer to me, arm thrown over my waist. “Stop watching me sleep,” She grumbled, the sound muffled.

I ran my fingers through her hair. This moment felt so similar that I could almost pretend this was just a normal morning, and she never lost her memories. 

“What’s the time?” Rose lifted her head to peer up at me through half-closed eyes making me chuckle.

“Not too late. How are you feeling?”

Rather than getting up from bed, she decided to bury her face against my chest, sighing in content. “I don’t hurt as much.”

I shifted down more so that I could wrap my arms around her, pulling her onto my chest. I enjoyed how small she felt compared to me. I know Roza doesn’t need me to protect her, more than once she had protected me, but the idea that I could easily shield her gave me a small sense of satisfaction. With our lives, we both knew we can’t keep each other safe from everything, but right now, I felt like I could.

Rose relaxed against me, hands travelling down my sides, sending shivers up my spine. I tried to keep my mind from wandering, my own hands itching to explore her exposed skin. I cleared my throat, focusing on her eyes again, “What did you want to do today?”

“Hmm,” she breathed out, her head lolling to the side as she thought. “Maybe see Lissa? I need to see that she is actually in charge of this place before I believe it,” She joked. Her hands now folded under her chin so she could hold my eyes. “Would that be okay?”

I nodded. A trip to the Palace would be good. Rose spent a lot of time there with Lissa, maybe it would bring something back to her. I squeezed her, grinning at the look she shot me. “Time to get up.”

She groaned, dropping her head dramatically, then held a finger up, “I will only get out of this bed if you make me breakfast again.”

XxX

Rose POV

I managed to convince Dimitri to walk to the Palace rather than call a car. It felt like a waste of time when I was able to walk, sure I had a few aches every now and then, but it wasn’t anything that held me back. I’m sure that since becoming a guardian, a Royal Guard at that, I had been hurt worse than this at some point. Not that I would know.

Still, nothing has returned to me. 

Nothing around me stood out either, not in Dimitri’s apartment, and not on the walk through Court. I had been hoping that I would see something and know. Like a light bulb moment in my head. But that was not happening.

I couldn’t even claim that things looked familiar as a sign of things coming back because I had been here before when we came for Victor’s trial. I remember being called back separately by Queen Tatiana just so she could warn me off dating Adrian. I pulled a face at the memory.

Sure Adrian was nice, he had funded my trip to track down Dimitri, but I wasn’t sure I could date him. Not that I had to worry about that now, I have Dimitri again.

I squeezed his hand, fingers laced through mine as we walked. It felt right, even with our difference in height, it felt natural for us to be walking around like this. 

It was bizarre how no one stopped us as we walked through the halls of the Palace. We got a couple of looks, though they seemed to be more aimed at me. Otherwise, no one approached us. 

Dimitri led me to what I remember being the Queen’s quarters of the Palace, he nodded at the guards stationed throughout. I recognised two of them, Robert and Andrew, standing in front of the wooden door. Seeing us, they dipped their heads and knocked on the door before opening it.

“The Queen just finished her meeting so she’s available.” One of them informed us. 

Trailing after Dimitri, I felt like a student again. I had been around other guardians with him before, he somehow always knew everyone and they knew him. I was always just his student that he was mentoring, getting tips of the trade from other seasoned guardians, but other than that I didn’t have them directly addressing information to me.

Robert and Andrew looked at me when talking, not Dimitri.

Dimitri waited for me before closing the door after him, waving me through the small waiting room and through two large double doors. For some reason, I had expected a stuffy looking study, with large wooden furniture, but it was all modern and sleek, painted white and the large window behind the desk made the room more lively and inviting. Lissa sat behind the large desk, a pile of papers before her. Though there was a lot, it was all organised, I shouldn’t be surprised.

Lissa’s eyes lit up when they landed on me, smiling brightly. “Rose! How are you?” She asked eagerly, laying her pen down to focus on me. 

It was still taking some time for me to get used to the fact I wasn’t connected to her through the bond. Upon seeing her, my first thought was to check how she was; if the darkness was becoming too much. But where the bond once was, was now empty. It was like I had lost a small part of myself that I was torn between being happy or sad about.

I swept my eyes over her, smirking at the pale pink pantsuit she was wearing, she managed to look professional and yet feminine. It was very her.

“I’m good,” I replied, looking around the room. Chelsey and another woman were standing behind Lissa. I didn’t recognise the woman but she gave me a cheerful smile. “This is where you spend your whole day?” I dropped into the chair across from her. If there weren’t others in the room with us, I would have put my feet up just to annoy Lissa.

Lissa pulled a face, “Unfortunately.” The quirk of her lips told me was joking. Something passed over her eyes before she turned to the woman, “Sophia, call and move the rest of my meetings to another date. I’m going to take the rest of the day off.”

I raised my eyebrows at her, “You can do that?”

She grinned, “Of course I can, I’m Queen.” 

A small laugh escaped me, especially at the face the woman pulled. Something told me Lissa just made her day a little harder. I felt bad about it, but I also wanted to spend some time with my best friend.

She walked around her desk, stopping beside me as I stood and looped her arm through mine. Dimitri stood back with a smile, eyes watching me with a fondness as I was dragged out of the room. 

As we walked, Lissa pointed out rooms and areas, giving me a tour. I noticed the guardians following behind us, watching as they surveyed the area with sharp eyes. It made me feel better knowing that she had them guarding her all the time. Lissa had been in danger because of being a spirit user and then being the last of her family, now as Queen, she would always have the very best keeping her safe.

Which surprised me that I would be one of her Royal Guards. I was apprehensive about it. What if I wasn’t good enough anymore? I couldn’t risk Lissa’s safety by being less than the best for her. 

I would need to ask Dimitri if we can spar, at least then I could see where I was at.

The last I could remember of fighting wasn’t my best. My body was weak from the blood loss and floating on a high from the endorphins. The fact I got out of that building alive is honestly shocking.

“And this is my private quarters,” Lissa held a hand out to a door at the end of the hall, smiling at me as she turned the handle. 

I had missed a lot of what she had said, not even sure where in the Palace I was anymore. Stepping through the door, I was surprised to find what looked like an apartment. Again, I was expecting something more dated or more traditional in its design, but it seems Lissa really has made the place her own.

With white walls and modern counters and appliances, you wouldn’t know that you were in a hundred-year-old building or that this was where the Queen lived. I released a low whistle, the space was impressive, easily twice the size of Dimitri’s apartment. And that was just the living area, there was a hallway that disappeared off of the main room where I’m sure there was much more.

Hearing the door close I turned to see only Dimitri behind us. “Where are your guardians?”

“They stay out there,” Lissa replied with a shrug, slipping off her heels with a sigh. 

I gave Dimitri a look of disbelief. “They just leave the Queen unattended?” I spun back to Lissa but she had disappeared down the hallway, “Didn’t the last one die in her room? This isn’t safe.”

“All things you pointed out when Lissa first decided to do it this way,” Dimitri told me with a smirk, “You made sure that there were enough security measures placed around the quarters that no one could sneak in here without someone knowing about it.”

His words helped to ease the panic that rose in me but I still didn’t like it. “What if something happens to her?”

“You have taken every precaution to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“Yeah. Cameras, motion senses on all the windows, panic buttons. This place is like a fortress now,” Christian strolled into the living area in a pair of sweatpants and a worn shirt. The messiness of his hair made me wonder if he has only just gotten out of bed.

I put my hands on my hips, “Good. You can’t be too careful.”

Lissa returned to the room, laughing. She was still somewhat dressed up but had shed the suit jacket and taken her hair out. “You have said that so many times. But you really don’t have to worry. There is always someone out in the hall if I need help, I just wanted to keep this area as mine so I can pretend to live a somewhat normal life.”

“Liss, even before being Queen, your life wasn’t normal,” I pointed out. I still wasn’t a fan but I understood why she wanted the guardians out. And if Dimitri said it was safe then I was inclined to believe him. “Not a bad looking place. Even if it does come with a pyromaniac.”

Christian shot me an unimpressed look as he moved about the kitchen, “If you’re up for it, I can show you some of my pyromaniac skills.”

I grimaced, “Don’t really want to get my hair burnt.”

Lissa giggled, “No, you should see it, Rose. Christian has been training others how to use their magic for defence. Some have even helped guardians against Strigoi.”

That caught my interest, “Really?” The last I could remember was Christian talking about it, and him helping me fight Strigoi when they attacked the academy. The amount that we killed that night was proof enough of how useful magic could be. “Sure, that could be fun.”

“Just let me eat something first,” Christian responded, pulling out a pan and some eggs. Lissa slipped around the kitchen counter to take my arm again.

“While you do that, let go talk,” She winked at me as I was once again dragged away. 

We walked down the hallway, and I was right about there being more back here, five doors leading off into more rooms. We stopped at the second door and Lissa waved me in. It was another study, modern furniture, but it was much more personalised compared to her other study. With pastel-coloured walls and photo frames everywhere.

Lissa dropped onto the large powder-blue couch, holding a pillow against her stomach, eyes closed as she relaxed. “I had way too many meetings today. I feel like I aged a couple of years just trying to stay awake through some of them.”

I chuckled, dropping down beside her, feeling more comfortable here than I was earlier. I kicked off my shoes and pulled my knees up, “Are you sure you can cancel the rest of today? That lady didn’t look too pleased about it.”

She quirked an eyebrow before understanding who I meant, “Oh, Sophia? She’s fine. Besides, I would much rather spend my time with you. I wasn’t even meant to be here this week.” She shifted around, lifting her feet onto the couch beside me. It felt like when we would hang out together at the academy when our problems used to be what boys we thought were cute and how to sneak into the next party.

“Any memories coming back yet?” Lissa asked tentatively, a hopeful look in her eyes.

I sunk against the cushions, “No.” I was frustrated and upset by it. Again I was scared that they wouldn't come back. “Dimitri showed me some things and told me stories, but none of it is familiar,” I told her as I picked at a loose thread on my shirt. “I had dinner with my parents.”

“Oh, how was it?”

“Weird. I actually got along with my mom.”

Lissa laughed, “Yes, you do. I’ve even seen you hug her, many times.”

It was still a strange concept to wrap my head around but it did make me happy knowing I had a relationship with them after so many years of having nothing. 

A question was on the tip of my tongue, feeling unsure of bringing it up to her. The heated session Dimitri and I had started yesterday kept popping up, making my heart skip a beat each time. I have had sex with him once before yet I felt nervous doing so again just because I would be inexperienced again.

“What is it?” Lissa asked, eyeing me knowingly. I sighed, choosing to just bite the bullet.

“Okay, so do I ever tell you about my sex life? With Dimitri?” I don’t know why I felt the need to clarify that. Lissa and I had never had this discussion back at the academy, I had never even spoken to her about my true feelings for Dimitri. This all felt new to me.

“Yes. Why?”

I looked down at my fingers, “Is there anything I’ve said about what he likes? Or…” I trailed off, covering my face with my hands. “No, never mind.”

She reached forward and placed her hand on my knee, “You don’t have to be embarrassed. And as far as I know, Dimitri likes you.” She told me in a kind voice. I peek through my fingers to see her smiling at me.

“But what if he doesn’t like that I’m technically not experienced anymore?”

Her head tilted to the side, “Do you really think he would care?”

I huffed. She had me there. I had gotten too much into my own head, not considering the fact that Dimitri wasn’t the kind of person to hold something like that against me. “No. He wouldn’t.”

“Exactly. He might even find it adorable.”

I shot her a look. I wasn’t adorable, I was sexy, even if a little bit nervous.

Her smile became a smirk, “I take it things got heated between you two?” I rolled my eyes, Lissa always wanted to be able to discuss things like this with me, but I had never had sex and didn’t want to hear her go on about Aaron or Christian. To others, she was too shy and proper to bring up such topics, but with me, she was more than happy to share the details.

“A little. But then my parents showed up,” I pouted.

“There have been times that I’ve walked in on you two at the house,” Lissa laughed at my shocked expression. “You two are not as sneaky as you think you are.”

“Liss, stop!” I groaned.

“There was one time I went into the kitchen and–”

I threw a pillow at her, “Nope. I don’t need to hear!”

Chapter Text

Chapter 11

Christian demonstration took place in the gym, the group of Royal Guards trailing after us as we walked across Court. I fell back with them out of habit, even Dimitri hung back a little behind Christian, despite him having a guardian. Lissa was adamant about us walking to the gym if only because she likes to be able to see the people of Court in a more relaxed setting.

Lissa was definitely the Queen of the people, so many little girls adored her, running up to her with a flower as a gift. Each time, she knelt down to talk to them, not once looking put off by constantly having to stop. Christian would watch on with a small smile, looking as if Lissa was his whole world.

I was glad to see them in a better place with their relationship, as much as he annoyed me, Christian was good for Lissa, just as she was for him.

I never imagined Lissa being Queen but she was like a natural, she was perfect for it. Her parents would both be so proud.

Dimitri’s hand caught mine, fingers lacing through mine. He tilted his head at me, “You’re being quiet.”

I stepped closer to him as we walked, “I’m just watching Lissa. She’s good with people.” I commented as Lissa waved to a group of women. She was definitely more approachable and friendly than Tatiana ever was.

“It took some time but everyone likes her,” He replied in a soft voice so only I could hear.

“Were there issues before?” Something about his tone piqued my interest. His eyes darted towards Lissa and Christian before coming back to me.

“At the beginning, yes. Not all of the Royals were too happy that Lissa became Queen. There were some instances where someone tried to attack Lissa, it’s why she has so many guardians with her all the time. You were very vocal about it.” 

My stomach twisted into knots thinking of Lissa being attacked. Obviously, things turned out okay considering she was here before me, there was still an uneasy feeling. Dimitri’s hand squeezed mine, drawing my eyes back to him.

“She’s okay, Roza. Nothing has happened for over a year.” 

I nodded, feeling my stomach unclench a little. If anything, it made me want to have my memories return more so that I could keep Lissa safe.

Finally, we made it to the gym, Chelsy was still on shift guarding, standing against the wall behind Lissa, and then Caleb came and sat down beside us. I hadn’t realised he was there, he gave me a warm smile. “So, ready for the fire show?”

I was a little surprised by how informal Caleb was being but Lissa didn’t seem to be put off by it, so I assumed this was normal. I smirked back, “As long as the fire stays away from me.” I turned back towards Christian, who had taken a stance in the middle of the room. 

It wasn’t the main gym we were in, remembering that there was one for guardians to work out in on the off time. This one reminded me more of the one from the academy. Four walls and a wide-open space. I’m assuming it was made like this for sparring. There were targets along the walls, each looking battered with scorch marks and bits broken off. I wondered if it was just Moroi that trained here.

Movement in the corner of my eye made me straighten up, Dimitri was stripping his duster and shirt so he was just in his undershirt and jeans. “What’s Dimitri doing?”

“Dimitri has been helping Christian practice this whole time. It’s easier to show the defensive magic when he has someone to fight against,” Lissa explained, her eyes intently on Christian who had also shed his shirt, just in a singlet and sweatpants.

I was shocked to see how built he was now, gone was the lean teenager, now he was built like some of the novices I knew. No wonder Lissa was so excited to watch this.

The two men got into stances, Dimitri shot me a wink before moving forward swinging a fist towards Christian. It was amazing how quickly he was moving, I had never seen a Moroi sparring against a guardian like this before. 

After dodging a few moves, Christian brought fire to his hands, small orbs of it, ready to be used as needed. He threw a couple of the orbs towards Dimitri, who easily avoided the balls of fire. I had to admit I was impressed.

Though the longer they fought, the more intense Christian became with the fire, throwing sheets of it out in quick succession, making Dimitri have to roll back to avoid being burnt. Seeing the fire that close to Dimitri made my heart race.

My hands started to shake a little as a fear I didn’t understand clawed at my chest, making it constrict. What started as a slight ache in my head, became a pressure making me wince.

The next fireball Christian threw grazed dangerously close to Dimitri. 

Images flashed in my mind.

The flames were closing in on Dimitri, growing tighter and tighter. I heard him scream, could see the look of agony, even through the fire.

“STOP!”

All movement ceased, the two stood frozen in the middle of the room, eyes locked on me. I was standing, chest heaving as my body shook. Without a word, I ran to him, hands reaching from his face as if expecting to find burns there. The images of Dimitri on fire were replaying in my mind, I wasn’t sure why he was on fire but I hated it.

His hands caught mine, noticing the tremors. His eyes searched my face, “Roza, what’s wrong?”

I swallowed thickly, squeezing my eyes closed. “I don’t—” I could still see his face, the agony he was in. Even the screams. 

“You should sit down.”

I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, making me feel constricted. I shook my head, pulling back from Dimitri to cross my arms, hiding my hands. “No. I just need a moment.” I turned on my heel and practically ran to the back room of the gym.

I closed the door behind me, pulling out the chair from the desk and sinking into it. I dropped my head to my hands, rubbing at my temples. More images were flashing behind my eyes. A warehouse. Lissa with a stake. Red rings around his eyes.

The door opened and closed, but I didn’t bother looking up, I could already guess who it was.

Warm hands covered mine, gently pulling them away from my face. “Talk to me,” Dimitri pleaded, concerned eyes on mine.

I licked my lips, trying to arrange my thoughts. “I think I remembered something… We were in a warehouse, I think. You were surrounded by fire, it was burning you.” I dropped my eyes, “I think… You were Strigoi, weren’t you?” The memory was slowly becoming clearer, those red-ringed eyes were too familiar.

His face was clouded, the corner of his eyes pinched. “Yes. That was when Lissa restored me. Christian had used the fire to contain me while she staked me.” His thumb rubbed softly against my cheek. “Do you remember anything else?”

I shook my head, “Just that and some other bits and pieces. It doesn’t all make a lot of sense.” 

“Like what?" He asked in a hesitant tone.

I tried to focus on the rest but it caused my head to hurt, I winced again, rubbing my temples.

"Are you okay?”

“I have a bit of a headache,” I admitted, though the pressure had lessened. "It hurts more when I try to focus too much," I admitted with a sigh.

His lips pressed into a thin line, "Don't force it. Did you want to go home and rest?" 

I dropped my head forward to lean on his shoulder, arms going around his neck. I needed him close, to feel the heat of his body, proof that he was alive. "I don't know. I don't want to just leave after Lissa cancelled her day for me."

"What if we go back to their quarters. No more fire for today." I hummed in agreement letting my arms slip down as he stood up. He held a hand out for me, "Come on."

Thankfully, no one brought up my moment in the gym. After making sure I was okay we returned to the Palace, Christian offering to make us lunch. When I made a joke about hoping his cooking skills had improved Lissa started telling me of all the things he used to make us when he was studying.

I wish I could remember those days, living with Lissa and Dimitri was like a dream come true. I would much rather those memories return than ones of Dimitri surrounded by fire.

Halfway through the meal—that I had to admit was good—Lissa's eyes lit up, turning to me with a large grin. “We should go back to the house at Bethlehem. Maybe you will get more memories back there.” After hearing I got one back, Lissa was more determined to help me regain more. “You are there most of the time and your stuff is there.”

I glanced at Dimitri, already nodding my head, “Maybe I’ll have more luck there,” I replied. Plus I wanted to see more of where I had been living for the last couple of years, maybe I would feel more of a sense of belonging there than at Court.

“The fact it gets you out of your meetings has nothing to do with it,” Christian teased Lissa, smirking at her glare.

“I have to help my best friend,” She replied earnestly, then grinned, “and we can have her birthday party there like we planned.”

That piqued my interest and my nerves. 

Dimitri caught my hand with his under the table, squeezing it with a smile that made my worries melt away. “Sounds like a good idea.”

I grinned back at him, “I’m never one to turn down a party.”

Lissa was only able to get away from Court for three days, promising to still check-in occasionally throughout, then we would have to return for the remainder of our spring break. I was still unsure how I would go about returning to university classes that I had no memory of and of being Lissa’s near guard again.

I had voiced my concerns to Dimitri as we laid in bed this morning and he had eased my nerves, kissing my face softly and promising I could handle it. He even offered to do some sparring while at the house if I felt up to it. After days of not being able to do much, I looked forward to sparring again.

We left early in the morning, two hours before sunset so there was enough time to get to the house with the sun as protection. Guardians were still there, maintaining the wards and security, so it was all ready for Lissa’s return, along with her six Royal Guards.

Lissa travelled in a van with a car tailing behind, six of us in the van and the others in the car. I was in the back with Dimitri, Lissa and Christian in the middle and then Chelsey and Sergi in the front. When we were all climbing in, Sergi had been eyeing me again, I’m coming to learn that he was a man of very few words.

As we drove Lissa and Dimitri told me about some of the other guardians still at the house, along with more about the Royal Guards that lived with us. I was surprised by how many of us shared this place, expecting a mansion when we arrived. Pulling up outside of the towering gates, I was not disappointed.

I let out a low whistle, “This is the place we live? It’s huge.”

Dimitri chuckled, “Just wait until you see inside.” He was obviously enjoying my excitement about coming here, amusement glinting in his eyes. While the rest of the guardians unloaded the cars, Lissa took my hand and pulled me through the front door. I could barely get much of a word in because my mouth was hanging open in awe over each room she showed me. 

“And this,” She grinned, a flush to her cheeks after running up the stairs with me, “is your room.” With a dramatic flair, she pushed open the door, waving her hand around the room in such a way I was expecting her to be yelling Ta-da!

“Wow.” The only word I could form as I took in the large room. It was bigger than any room I’ve ever had, and what looked like better furniture too. Unlike Dimitri’s apartment where everything was organised, this room was disorganised. Clothes and books laying around, random knick-knacks and photos placed throughout the room. The only thing that was somewhat arranged was the bed which had been made.

This looked like my room, or at least what I would want my room to look like. Right down to the pillows on the bed that looked like food, a large burger and doughnut. 

“Do you like it?” Lissa asked, bouncing on her heels.

I nodded, “Yes. This is mine?” I had to confirm. I had heard it was rare for guardians to get their own room, let alone one this big. But that may be a perk of being a Royal Guard and the Queen’s best friend.

“Yep! Because there are only us two and Chelsey, only the girls are on this floor. Along with any guests when they do stay, of course.” A smirk pulled at the corners of her mouth, “The walls are pretty thick, as long as you aren’t too loud, sound doesn’t travel.”

I turned to glare at her, knowing exactly what she was implying. Before I could tell her off, Dimitri walked through the door with our bag.

“What do you think?” He asked with a knowing smirk. “Enough space for you?”

“I think my dorm room could fit in here three times and there would still be space.”

Both of them laughed, sharing a look, making me wonder if I had said something similar before. I felt a pang in my chest remembering that none of this was new to them. They all had memories of living here, knowing where everything was and who all the guardians were.

For me, this wasn’t like coming back home. It was all new, feeling more like a place I was visiting for the first time. Even this room, while it looked like how I would decorate and like things I would own, I had no idea where everything was, or what was here.

It was a room of a Rose that wasn’t me.

“What did you want to do first?” Dimitri questioned, rubbing his hands over my shoulders. I hadn’t realised he had walked towards me, even Lissa was gone from the bedroom door.

I chewed on my bottom lip, not feeling up for anything now. I shrugged, “I’m kind of tired. I might sleep for a little.” I didn’t want to just close myself off but I needed time to process everything and prepare myself for meeting everyone.

Dimitri gave a small smile, though I could see his concern in his eyes, “Okay. Did you want to be alone?”

My heart clenched at his expression, trying to hide his distress. I covered his hand with mine, “No. Maybe after I rest you could tell me more about everyone?” I asked hopefully. If I could learn their names then I wouldn’t feel as nervous about being around so many that were familiar with me.

He leant down to press a kiss to my forehead, “Of course, Roza.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 12

“So Andrew and Robert are brothers. Alexei is terrified of balloon animals. George has a girlfriend in Australia. Edward is allergic to pickles. Erik plays the guitar. Luka is obsessed with Meryl Streep. And Lev is secretly in love with Caleb.”

I stood in front of Dimitri, eyebrows raised expectantly. He nodded from his spot lounged on my bed, “That’s right.” His lips were tilted in a fond smile, watching as I paced. 

I felt in the dark about the guardians that I had been working with for the last three years, and in my need to feel more in control I made Dimitri tell me a bit about them all. I wasn’t too worried whether they were good guardians or not, trusting that they wouldn’t be a part of the Royal Guard if they weren’t.

So I made him tell me random facts, ways I could get a sense of what they were like. We had been doing this for a couple of hours now, Dimitri hadn’t complained, answering my questions as I thought of them. It made me feel better, easing my anxiety. 

I even went around my room and looked through things, feeling more of a sense of belonging as I located a couple of things that were familiar. Some things I don’t remember seeing before, but they gave me some comfort. Such as a large purple teddy bear I had sitting on a chair in the corner of my room.

I ran my fingers along the soft material, it definitely wasn’t something that I would go for but as I stared at it I felt a sense of affection and happiness. Dimitri had come up behind me, winding his arms around my waist until his body was pressed close behind mine.

“I won it for you at a carnival,” He told me, lips moving just above my ear, making me shiver.

I laced my fingers through his, “You won it?”

“It was one of the games where you test your strength and you made me do it. Then you chose the bear because it was bigger than the one Chrisitan won Lissa.”

I giggled, turning in his arms so I could look up at his face. “That does sound like me.”

We had made out for a little, which then turned into me asking questions about my guardian team. I stopped pacing and jumped on the bed, stretching out beside Dimitri.

“That’s so many people to remember, and that’s not even the other guardians that are here.” Dimitri had gone into more detail about the set-up and the additional guardians that were in charge of protecting the perimeter.

“You are a quick learner, Roza. It won’t take you long to remember everyone, and even if it does, no one would hold it against you. Don’t stress too much.” He stroked a finger down my cheek, moving to cup my face, “It will come back eventually.”

I forced a smile, trying to take comfort in his words, and yet there was that voice in the back of my head that kept asking what if it doesn’t. Sure, I can make new memories, relearn things, but to lose so much about my relationship with Dimitri—so much of myself—forever was just too depressing.

I rolled on my back, looking up at the ceiling rather than him. “When are we eating?” I asked, attempting to change the subject. It was now late in the human afternoon, we managed to get a little sleep but were trying to get back onto human time. After our three days here we would be back in Court for another three and then back for the rest of the semester.

It was daunting, the idea of living here for a long period of time, only seeing Dimitri occasionally. At least Lissa’s degree didn’t have too much left.

Dimitri shifted beside me, “They should be ready by now. Let's go down.”

I sat up on my elbows tilting my head at him, “Be ready for what?”

“Lissa may be throwing you a surprise party,” He chuckled, holding his hand out for me. I grimaced as he pulled me to my feet.

“I don’t like surprise parties.”

He smirked knowingly, “That’s why I’m telling you now so you are prepared. Just act surprised.”

Rolling my eyes, following out after him into the hallway.

Sure enough, as soon as I rounded the corner to the kitchen there was a chorus of “Surprise!” and party poppers exploding, sending confetti into my face. I put on a shocked face.

“Oh wow! Guys, this is such a surprise.”

Lissa pouted, glaring behind me, “You told her.”

I looped my arm through hers, “It’s okay, Liss. It was still a surprise, I wasn’t expecting the confetti.”

My eyes roamed the room, the faces were familiar enough from being around Lissa at Court and from earlier, though I couldn’t name half of them. Caleb was standing close by with a camera in hand, choosing that moment to take a picture of my face. Glancing at it with a chuckle.

“She looks pretty surprised to me,” He joked, angling the camera to Lev, making him laugh. I could definitely see the attraction between as Dimitri had mentioned.

“So,” I started, feeling awkward with everyone’s eyes still on me, “Does the birthday girl get a drink?”

I did get a drink, but only one—Dimitri’s orders. I didn’t put up much of a complaint, as much as I would enjoy the ease that alcohol would give me I didn’t want to be drinking that much around my bosses. 

Half of the guardians were nursing a beer, the other half still on shift, but with Lissa sticking close to me, it was easy enough for them to enjoy the food and conversation while guarding.

I tried to join in on the conversations, being officially reintroduced to everyone earlier, using the information Dimitri gave me to better remember who was who. At first, it was fine, enjoyable even getting to meet all of these amazing guardians and hearing some of their battle stories. Then as the night progressed, the stories became more focused on their time guarding Lissa, everyone laughing at the memories of BBQs and guardian mishaps.

I was feeling like an outsider staring in. Everyone was so at ease with one another, even Dimitri was having a good time talking to the others. 

Feeling left out, I slumped in my chair, picking at the bowl of chips in front of me. No one seemed too concerned about me sitting silently in the corner and I was glad about it. I didn’t want to try to force a fake cheer as I asked them questions and kept seeing that look in their eye. 

I’ve been noticing it more lately. The pleasant smile and look of pity or slight irritation when I ask something that I used to know the answer to. That’s how it was going to be all the time, I’m surprised Dimitri hasn’t had enough of having to explain things to me.

He tried to hide it, but I would see the sadness in his eyes as he told me something about our relationship. Things that I should know. I couldn’t help but wonder how long until he gets annoyed that I don’t remember.

When others started heading to their rooms I jumped at the chance to go back to mine. “Still a bit tired from the accident and all,” I lied, only feeling a little guilty at the concerned look Lissa gave me.

“Oh, yes. Of course. You should go rest some more.” She smiled at me, waving me off as she and Christian started cleaning up. Dimitri offered to help so I turned and left them behind as I ran upstairs to my room.

The depressing mood I was in became anger instead. This stupid situation I was in and couldn’t get out of no matter how hard I tried, it was all Give it time.

I didn’t want to wait around any more. 

My hands grabbed on to what I could as I entered my room and threw it across the room, watching the book fly through the air and land on the ground with a thud. I turned and pushed the rest of my things off my desk, pens and papers flying. 

I had no control over anything, but this I did. This stupid room that wasn’t even mine anymore, I could do what I wanted to it. I kicked at my bag and then at the mattress, I wanted to scream out all of my frustrations. I wanted to just go somewhere where I wasn’t constantly looked at with hopeful eyes that only turned sad when I didn’t remember something.

I just wanted things to return to normal, whatever that may have been. I didn’t want to feel like this—like I was living someone else’s life.

Finally, I collapsed on the edge of the bed, throwing my head in my hands.

“Rose?” I glanced up at Dimitri, not even hearing him open the door. His eyes looked around the room at the mess I made before landing on me. “What happened?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I grumbled, standing from the bed and opening the drawers in hopes of finding something to change into. I opened the top, closing it aggressively when it didn’t have what I wanted.

“Roza–”

“Just leave it, Dimitri!” I yelled at him, stepping out of his reach, “You can’t fix this.”

“I’m not–” His eyes pinched, “What’s wrong?”

I huffed, “What isn’t wrong? I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore. This isn’t my life!”

His expression softened, looking almost like he had been expecting this. Where he tried to approach me again, I moved to the other side of the room. I didn't want to be comforted. “This is your life. Things will come back to you soon.”

“Oh stop with that bullcrap! It’s been over a week since the accident and I only had one memory return, and what a great one that was.”

“It will take time. The doctor’s said it and –”

“I know. I was fucking there,” I cut him off, crossing my arms, “Can you stop acting like everything is okay? It isn’t! I don’t remember shit and you keep expecting me to be fine with it. Everyone does! You all want me to act like how I used to but I can’t, that isn’t me!”

“Roza, I do–”

I turned my back on him, “Just leave it.” I marched away from him and to the bathroom, slamming the door after me.

Chapter Text

Chapter 13

I had locked myself in the bathroom for a while, taking a shower to try to cool my emotions. The longer I stayed in there, the more I started to regret how I spoke to Dimitri. This whole time he had been doing everything to help me, and I just went and threw it in his face.

It was so hard not to be annoyed and disappointed in myself for not remembering. As much as I wanted my memories back for me, I wanted them back for him, and for Lissa and my parents. I wanted to remember everything we shared, and that want kept dragging me down the further away I felt from achieving it.

I slowly opened the bathroom door, surprised to find my room empty. Dimitri had knocked a few times but then became quiet. I assumed he went to bed or was just waiting me out, but instead he wasn't here.

My stomach plummeted to my feet. I pushed him too far.

I stood in the middle of my room, feeling tears gather as I grappled with what to do. I didn't want to try sleeping, scared that I would wake up and he still won't be here. I didn't want to just sit in my room either, the waiting would make me go crazy. So, instead, I grabbed a jacket and decided to walk around outside a little, the cool air could help clear my head and figure out what I was going to do next.

No one was in the kitchen when I slipped out the back door, I could hear the sound of the television in the other room. One guardian saw me as I came down the hallway, I think it was Alexei, they gave me a curt nod as I passed.

I still couldn't get over the size of the house. The pool was large, if it was warming I could definitely see myself using it. They must have thought ahead when getting the house because it was long enough to do laps, an easy way for us to stay in shape.

Then there was the backyard, it was almost like it went forever, the only reason I could see the large fence on the edge of the property was because of the lights that ran along it. They were too bright to be distracting but just enough to see if someone was climbing over it. I could see someone walking the property line, knowing it to be one of the other guardians that lived here. Their house not far from the back porch.

I made my way down the steps, tucking my hands into my pockets to keep them warm. Despite being up most of the human day, I was wide awake. I strolled around the house, taking in everything and trying to learn where all the exits were. There were windows low to the ground, which I could old guess was the basement. The light was on but I didn't go close enough to look in, not wanting to look creepy staring in at someone else.

My argument with Dimitri kept repeating in my head, a reminder of why I had come out here. None of it was a lie, really, but I didn't need to scream it at him. I definitely didn't need to blame him.

Dimitri was trying as much as I was, though it was hard to remember that when seeing them all interacting with each other.

At the academy, I knew everyone, I knew what to expect and what I had to do. Now, I felt like a fish out of water.

I slumped against a large tree near the fence. I had been walking along it to familiarise myself with it. I lowered to the ground, wrapping my arms around my chest as I sat in thought.

Everything would be easier if I could just remember. My hands pressed against the sides of my head. Just remember. Please, just remember. 

"Dammit, Rose. There you are!" Caleb's voice startled me,  my eyes snapping to his as he approached me. "What are you doing out here?"

"What?" I asked, "I was just walking to clear my head. Can I not do that?" I retorted, feeling defensive.

"Maybe tell people where you're going next time," He scolded me as he pulled out a radio, holding it up to his mouth. "I found her on the east edge by the oak tree."

"Am I meant to be sharing my location?" Now wondering if I've messed up somehow. Great, I'm not even working and yet I'm still causing issues.

Caleb sighed, dropping down beside me, legs spread out on the ground. "No, but considering you disappeared not too long ago when we couldn't find you everyone panicked a little."

I winced. "Crap."

"Yep, Dimitri was not happy."

I dropped my head to my hands, "Great, way to make things better, Rose," I grumbled to myself. 

He nudged my shoulder with his, "So you two are fighting." His knowing tone made me grimace.

“You heard us?”

“Just bits and pieces. Why did you come out here?”

I shrugged, shifting to stretch my legs out as well. There was something about Caleb that was comforting, feeling like I could talk to him. “I needed to think and decided to walk around a little.” I looked down at my hands and then tilted my head to look at Caleb, “I hate not remembering anything.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“Everyone keeps telling me to give it time, but I don’t want to have to wait. Especially if I’m meant to be guarding Lissa. How am I meant to do all of this with no memory of training and protocols.”

He nodded his head as I spoke. “Well then, we need to test what your abilities are. If you really aren’t up to the task, Chelsey and Sergi won’t let you work as her near guard.”

Despite the disappointment I felt at not being able to guard Lissa, his words made me feel better. “Does Sergi like me? I swear I’ve never seen him talk.”

“I don’t think he likes anyone,” Caleb laughed, “You know, I don’t think I’ve seen him blink in two years. I think he’s actually a machine.”

“Them Russian guardians are scary.” I agreed with a smile.

“Says the one sleeping with one.”

My smart-ass reply was cut off by said angry Russian guardian. “Roza!”

A smile pulled at my lips as Dimitri stalked closer, he was pissed, but I was still happy to see him. “Hey, comrade.”

Caleb climbed up to his feet, offering me a hand and an encouraging smile, “Well, my work here is done. Play nice you two.”

Dimitri waited with fists clenched until Caleb was far enough away to not overhear us. “What do you think you’re doing?”

I was taken aback, I could understand him being a bit concerned but it wasn’t like I wasn’t allowed to leave my room. “I was just walking, I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

“You can’t just run off when we fight!”

“I didn’t run off,” I spat out, “And it’s not like you were waiting around after we fought.”

He dragged his fingers through his hair. “You can’t just leave without telling someone. God, you’re acting like –”

“Like what? A teenager?” I demanded, my excitement at seeing him was slowly diminishing as my fears and anger from before returned. “Well, news flash, I still am!”

Regret flashed in his eyes, his voice becoming softer, “That’s not what I meant, I—when I came back to the room and you weren’t there, it was like the hospital all over again!” Dimitri started to pace, taking a deep breath before stepping towards me and wrapping his arms around me. “I thought you had left, or something had happened. I can’t go through that again.”

The anguish in his voice broke my heart, returning his embrace. My face was buried in his chest, greedily taking the warmth I could get from his body.

“I’m sorry that I made you feel like I was expecting too much.”

I shook my head, “No, you don’t. I was just mad and said things. It’s just so hard watching everyone disappointed I don’t remember.” His arms tightened around me, remaining silent. We both knew there was nothing he could say that would make it better, everything would just be kind words that wouldn’t do anything to change how things were. “What if I never get my memories back?”

Dimitri pulled back, a resigned look on his face. “If you don’t then we will get through it together. Make new memories. No matter what, I will always love you. I’m never leaving you again, Roza.”

His lips caught mine, full of passion and love, hands pulling the other closer until every part of us was touching. Moving quickly, some part of us always touching, we made it back to my room, our bodies pressed close together again as soon as the door was closed.

*smut insert here*

He cupped my face in his hands, his eyes filled with intensity and desire—and a bit of wonder.

“What are you, Rose Hathaway? Are you real? You’re a dream within a dream. I’m afraid touching you will make me wake up. You’ll disappear.”

“Touch me and find out,”

He didn’t hesitate again. The last of his clothes came off, and my whole body heated at the feel of his skin and the way his hands slid over me… I was all burning need and desire and sensation and–

I moaned, feeling the light kisses being pressed down my bareback, feeling him smile against my skin. Fingers were tracing patterns on my thigh. I leant back into his touches, smirking as his hands travelled, exploring more of my body. 

I sighed, “You are making it hard to want to get out of this bed, Adrian.” 

He froze behind me, becoming rigid as he pulled back from me. Confused, I rolled over to see what was wrong but was shocked to find someone else behind me. 

“Dimitri?” I squeaked. Suddenly, everything came back. My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped. “Oh god, Dimitri. I’m sorry. I had a dream and I—wait, I dated Adrian?” It was more than a dream, I realised. It was a memory.

A stormy look came over Dimitri’s face, eyes dropping from mine. “Yes, for awhile you were.” He sat up in the bed, grabbing his discarded jeans and pulling them on. 

I sat up in the bed, clutching the sheet to my chest, “Comrade?” My voice wobbled, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Words escaped me as my mouth became dry. How could I forget that Dimitri and I had slept together last night and then I wake up and say another’s name, cursing myself.

He paused, turning back to face me with a soft look, “It’s okay, Roza. I’m going to shower, okay.” I tried to return his half-smile, but my head was full of so many questions that I couldn’t bring myself to ask him. 

When was I dating Adrian?

Chapter Text

Chapter 14

Despite telling me it was okay, I knew it wasn’t. Even after his shower Dimitri barely said more than ten words to me, when I did try talking to him, he made some sound that I couldn't quite decipher and then told me he was going to work out in the gym in the basement.

I couldn’t blame him for being upset. After everything he did last night, the way he practically worshipped me,  I would be mad too. I hoped Lissa wasn’t lying when she said the walls were thick, because otherwise, the whole house must know just how amazing Dimitri is.

And then I go and say another guy's name.

Adrian.

It wasn't a complete shock that we may have dated considering the conversation we had before I left to hunt down Dimitri. Only being able to afford what I did because Adrian had offered to fund it. 

But Dimitri said he was only Strigoi for a few months before being restored. Just how quickly did I get together with Adrian? And from what small piece I did remember, things were getting intimate between us.

Why did I have to remember something like that, when there were obviously many times of Dimitri and I having sex that I could have remembered instead.

Finally dragging myself from the bed, and then after a shower, went straight to Lissa’s room. I knocked once and then opened the door, letting myself in.

There was a gasp of surprise and squeal that I will pretend was manly.

“What are you doing in here? Get out!” Christian shouted, pulling the blanket up to cover his chest. Lissa lying beside him with a bemused smile.

“Rose? What’s up? I figured you and Dimitri would be needing to sleep in more.” Her eyebrows wiggled suggestively.

Nope. The walls are not thick. I made a sound in the back of my throat that was almost like a groan of pain. “I think I messed up.” I crossed the room to sit on Lissa’s side of the bed. At my words she was sitting up, ready to listen to my issues.

“Hey! Don’t sit down. I’m naked!” Christian argued.

I waved him off, “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, Sparky.” 

Lissa shook her head, giving him an apologetic smile. “Sorry, we can finish this later.”

Glancing over Lissa, realising she was in some pretty expensive, and suggestive underwear. Our shyness around each other and of seeing the other’s body was non-existent at this point. Obviously, they were about to have some fun of their own, but I needed answers now, and I can’t go to Dimitri this time.

Grumbling to himself, Christian very carefully extracted himself from the bed, using his pillow to cover himself as he raced to the attached bathroom.

“Wow, you need a tan. You practically glow.” I couldn’t resist teasing, laughing at the glare he shot me.

“Fuck you, Hathaway.” He slammed the door behind him.

Lissa shot me a pointed look when I turned back to her, I sobered, remembering why I was here. “Liss, when was I dating Adrian? And why did no one tell me?”

Her eyes widened, then her brows furrowed. “I never thought of mentioning it because it was so long ago and you weren't together for that long. Did Dimitri tell you?”

I frowned. “No. After… last night," I ignored the look she gave me. “I had a dream, that was actually a memory, and well… I accidentally called Dimitri Adrian this morning.” I finished with another groan, dropping my head into my hands in embarrassment.

“Oh.” That was all she said.

I peeked through my fingers at her when she was still quiet. “What do I do?”

She winced, “I don’t know. I’ve never done that before.”

This was not helping. “Why was I dating Adrian?” 

Sure, he wasn’t the worst guy to date, if you ignored the drinking and the smoking, and the occasional slip into crazy. But it just didn’t make sense to me given how I felt for Dimitri.

A look of guilt crossed her face. “Well, that might be a little because I thought you needed to move on. I really didn’t understand just how much you loved Dimitri at the time. And I think you felt like you had to move on as well, trying to pretend you were okay. But once Dimitri was restored, I realised how much you meant to each other.”

I nodded at her explanation, trying to not think too much about the fact I was being pressured to date after Dimitri died. Our relationship was still forbidden, I wouldn’t have been able to tell anyone just how broken I was by his death.

“So we were together for a couple of weeks, and then Dimitri was restored and I ended things with Adrian?”

Another look crossed her face. “Yeah, more or less. Things were complicated when Dimitri came back, and because of your feelings for him, you didn’t end on the best terms with Adrian.”

I clutched at my head again, rubbing at my temples. It was all so much to take it, but it did explain why I hadn’t seen Adrian or heard him be mentioned. “What do I do? After last night, Dimitri… I’m a terrible person.”

“No, you aren't,” Lissa consoled me, “I’m sure he knows you didn’t do it on purpose. You just have to talk to him.”

“That is if he talks to me.”

Lissa pressed her lips together. “Just try. I mean he understood last night, he will now as well.”

My eyes flicked to hers. “Did everyone hear our fight?”

“I was in the hallway and your door wasn’t closed.” Her eyes softened, “I’m sorry that we make you feel pressured. It’s just hard.” My fingers wrapped around hers, squeezing.

“I know. It’s just draining, and the memories I am gaining back aren’t making me feel much better.”

She nodded, expression pensive as she got lost in thought, then her eyes lit up. “I have an idea that might make you feel better, but first go talk to Dimitri. He loves you, no matter what. And from how many times I heard you saying it last night, I know you do too.”

My cheeks flushed, my mind flashing back to the moment I was yelling that last night. Dimitri is very talented. Clearing my throat, I stood from the bed. “Going to ignore that and go talk to him.” I turned towards the bathroom, yelling, “You can come have sex now, Sparky.” A chuckle escaped me at the few choice words he shouted back through the door.

It wasn’t hard to find the gym, it took up most of the basement, with free weights and machines along the walls and mats in the middle for sparring. More than enough for the guardians to work out with, and thankfully, empty save for one.

Dimitri was holding a set of dumbbells, eyes closed as he moved through the exercise, counting under his breath. I was standing at the bottom of the stairs, watching the muscles in his arms and back flex. At some point he had removed the shirt he was wearing when he left my room. 

Despite seeing all of him last night, the sight of his bare chest and arms made my mouth go dry and caused a stirring in my lower stomach. I had to mentally slap myself to focus back on why I was down here.

As I approached, his eyes opened, glancing at me from the corner of his eye, making me wonder if he knew I had been standing there all along. 

It was Dimitri—he knew.

“Nice set up down here,” I started, bouncing on the heels of my shoes. I didn’t know what to say. Sorry for saying the wrong name after you gave me a life-changing, mind-blowing night. Yeah, I’m sure that’d be a great way to put it.

Dimitri lowered the weights, placing them back on the rack and picking up a towel, dabbing it along his forehead and then his chest.

“This morning, I didn’t mean to say what I did. I just… was confused,” I admitted, my mind became so lost in the memory that I lost track of everything else. It was such a strange experience, having a piece that I didn’t realise was missing clicking into place, and yet still missing so much of it.

The fact I couldn’t remember more about it was a disappointment in itself. Like following a string only to find it cut short before reaching the destination. 

“I know,” Dimitri sighed, guilt flashing in his eyes, “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I was just caught by surprise.”

I scoffed, “You and me both.”

His lips twitched in the ghost of a smile. “Did you want to talk about it? About you and Adrian?”

I could see that it pained him to ask, offering to tell me about my ex. I had more questions about the extent of my relationship with Adrian, if we ever went far enough that Dimitri wasn’t the only man I had been with, but decided I didn’t need to know.

I stepped towards him, shaking my head. “No. Lissa told me some things, but I’m fine waiting until my memories return for the rest.”

He grimaced, “What did she tell you?”

“Just that it was short and didn’t end on the best of terms.” I was curious about that part, wanting to know what happened but not enough to search for the answers. Dimitri’s hand came up to cup my cheek, eyes pinching.

“When I came back… things got complicated, but you’re with me now and that’s all that matters.” His thumb rubbed along my cheek, expression softened and a warm smile pulled at his lips.

I leant into his touch. “I was meant for you.”

Dimitri faltered for a second, eyes widened, but he quickly concealed whatever emotion my words brought to him. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to my forehead, lingering. “I love you, Roza. Always.”

I looked up at him, slightly confused, “I love you too, Dimitri.”

When he stepped back his expression was guarded, gathering his things and walking towards the stairs, stopping to wink at me over his shoulders. “Want to join me for a shower?”

I had Dimitri’s hand clutched in mine as we strolled into the kitchen, swinging our arms around with a smirk. As we were walking down the stairs he kept using his hold on me to pull me towards him, an arm looping around my waist to pick me up and kiss me before returning my feet to the floor. 

A large grin was on my face as I greeted Lissa and Christian, Caleb and Lev standing on the other side of the kitchen counter with them, buttering bowls of popcorn. 

Seeing me Caleb rolled his eyes, elbowing Lev, “I told you, you owe me.”

I cocked my head at him. “Why does he owe you?”

“Lev thought you two won’t be back down for another couple of hours, but I knew the smell of food would call to you.”

I narrowed my eyes at them, then at Dimitri who was suppressing a grin knowing that I had only decided to leave my room and make-out session with him because I smelt the popcorn. I grumbled to myself, leaning over the counter to take a handful of popcorn. “What’s the popcorn for anyway?” I asked, directing my question to Lissa after flipping Caleb off when he tried smacking my hand away.

“Well, I figured a way to make losing your memories a little more enjoyable,” She started, coming around the counter to take my arm and leading me towards the lounge room.

I shot her a look, “I don’t think I can enjoy not knowing stuff,” I replied, sceptical.

She stopped in front of the large flat-screen television, picking up the remote and pressing buttons until Netflix opened. “We are going to watch your favourite movies and this way you get to re-experience watching them for the first time.”

I stared at her blankly for a moment, before throwing my head back with a laugh, pulling her into a hug. “You’re amazing, Liss.”

I never got to watch many movies when at the academy, making a list of ones I wanted to see, and television shows that sounded interesting. We both sat on the large couch, Lissa going through the options with me to pick what to start with.

When the guys came in to join us, Lev and Caleb took spots near the exits, on duty guarding Lissa, while Dimitri and Christian sat on either side of us. Choosing the first movie, Dirty Dancing, I snuggled up against Dimitri’s side, greedily taking handfuls of the popcorn from the bowl on his lap.

“I’ve always wanted to watch this one,” I told Dimitri, only after saying it did I realise he probably already knew. I frowned. “Sorry, you’ve probably seen this and –”

He bent down to kiss my cheek, not wanting to be too affectionate in front of the others. “I have, but that’s because it’s a good movie. Don’t be sorry, enjoy it. Don’t worry about anything else.”

I didn’t say much throughout the movie, completely invested in the story. When the final dance scene was playing, Dimitri leant over until his lips were hovering beside my ear.

“If you want, later, I can do lift for you.”

I shivered at his words, biting my lip to keep the excited sound that wanted to escape quiet. Nodding eagerly.

The third movie I chose was a horror film that was more fun to laugh at than it was actually scary. Lissa was curled up against Chrisitan, hiding her face in his chest each time something jumped out on the screen. I had a feeling the reason I loved this movie so much was watching her get scared by things that were obviously going to happen.

The fact she had seen it before and still got scared made it funnier.

The fact it had vampires in it made it better.

Dimitri wore a frown, mumbling about the way the main character was fighting, complaining about them using the wrong stance and how certain moves were impossible. Feeling a little bored, I decided to lean in against him.

He gently squeezed my shoulder when I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, “Are you okay?”

I draw on his chest with my finger. “This movie is pretty scary. I think you have to comfort me.” I could feel his body shake with a burst of silent laughter. Wrapping his arms around me he pulled me closer until I was practically on his lap, my legs draped over his and my head on his chest. 

His hands were wrapped around my waist, fingers slipping under the hem of my shirt to subtly trace along my skin. The room was dark enough that no one could see, even as my hand slipped between the buttons of his shirt to lay over his heart.

I turned back to the movie, watching the final showdown, for whatever reason guns were the weapon of choice. I almost laughed at how dramatic it all was, the villain threatening the main character's friend, and in a move I was expecting, they shot at them.

A pain in my head increased as I felt phantom pains in my chest. Images flashed in my mind.

Tasha. Lissa looking down at me shouting something. Dimitri beside her, the look of fear and anguish on his face. 

But above all, I felt pain—a pain so complete and so intense it was almost beyond comprehension.

Chapter Text

My hand pressed over my chest again, rubbing over the faint scar that was hidden by my shirt. It was one thing knowing you had been shot, it was another reliving the pain.

“Here,” Dimitri murmured as he placed a mug of hot chocolate before me. I gave him a tight smile.

I didn’t want to let on how much that memory had affected me, even attempted to leave the room with hopes that no one would notice, but of course, Dimitri had. I made it as far as the verandah outside when he joined me, his arms supporting me as I was gasping for air as the weight of the memory hit me.

I could still see the faces of death calling me back.

I took a large gulp of the hot chocolate in hopes of ridding myself of the chills that still ran up my spine.

“Did you want to talk about it?”

My eyes locked with Dimitri’s, my mind jumping between the memory of how distraught he had looked and the kind expression he was giving me now. I shook my head, focusing back on the mug. “I’m okay. I’m just… processing,” I tried to explain but I don’t think I could put into words how it felt being hit by the random memories. It didn’t help that most of them had been somewhat traumatic. 

Why couldn’t I just remember something happy?

“Is there anything I can do?” Dimitri asked hints of anxiety in his voice and expression. My surprise panic attack shook him up, being at a loss of what to do when he first realised what was happening.

I managed to calm down once his arms were around me, the warmth and strength of his hold grounding me in the present. The pain I felt in my chest was so bad, that, for a moment, I thought I was dying again.

“I just want to be distracted,” I answered him, curling and uncurling my fists. “I feel too pent up to just sit and watch movies.”

A pensive look crossed his face before his eyes lit up, a half-smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “I have an idea.”

–

Dimitri took time wrapping my hands, making sure I was okay as he did. Each time I responded with a large smile; nothing was going to make me sit this out. The guardians had all gathered in the basement along with Lissa and Christian so they could watch. When Dimitri offered to spar to work out my energy, I jumped at the chance. Once word broke, the others came to join to see if I could hold my own.

The last I could remember about my skills, I was the best novice in my class and had killed multiple Strigoi before I even graduated. I wasn’t weak by any standard, but these guardians were more skilled. Apparently, I was one of the best which was why I was assigned as Lissa’s near guard rather than far. I had to be quick and efficient when protecting the Queen’s life.

Erik offered to go first, punching Dimitri in the shoulder when he kept fretting. “Don’t worry, Belikov, I won’t break her,” he teased with a thick Russian accent.

Dimitri scowled but relented, giving the man a look of warning first, muttering something that made Erik laugh. Dimitri had mentioned that they knew one another from school, having spent years training together as novices. 

I was starting to wonder if they put something in the water at St. Basil’s because Erik was a tall man, just like Dimitri, and just as fit. It was amazing that he was managing to blend in around the college campus when following Lissa.

“Kick his ass, Rose!” Caleb yelled from the side, standing beside Lissa and Christian, with Lev on the other side.

Dimitri took a stance on the side of the mats, ready to interject at any moment if needed. Other than a warning to avoid any hits to my head I told them to not go easy on me, much to the chagrin of Dimitri.

I had everyone watching, including Chelsy and Sergei, and I did not want to disappoint.

I made my mind relax, all thoughts about what I knew and what I didn’t faded away. All I focused on was Erik and watching his movement to predict how he was going to strike first. It was just like when I would spar with Dimitri, I needed to use my height and speed to my advantage.

I just had to trust my body to move as I wanted it.

Erik went low, aiming to knock me off balance, I danced out of reach, surging forward to force him back. I was surprised by how quick I was on my feet, my body easily moving, going through the motions of techniques I had practised over and over. 

He hadn’t been expecting it, no doubt thinking I may need a couple of rounds to ease into fighting but even if I didn’t remember it, my limbs did. It was like a sense-memory, I didn’t know how I was doing it, only what my instincts told me to do.

We continued to attack each other, constantly avoiding hits. The more we fought, the better I felt, a sense of control that I had been craving finally returning. I understood fighting, able to throw myself into a fight completely.

I hadn’t felt this sure of myself since I woke up in the hospital.

When Erik lunged forward again, I ducked down low and rolled across the mats to be behind him. I lept to my feet, using the momentum to jump high in the air and kick him in the back. He was already off-balance and tumbled forward. I followed through, throwing my weight into him to take him the rest of the way to the mat. My hand slapped down onto the centre of his back with a satisfying smack—I had won.

Caleb and Lissa cheered loudly while the other guardians laughed and teased Erik for going down so easily. I climbed off said man and offered him a hand up.

“I’ll be honest, I thought I would last longer,” he claimed with an easy smile, wiping sweat from his brow.

I laughed, patting him on the arm, “I’m sure you were just going easy on me.” I spun on my heel to look at Dimitri, winking at him. “Who’s next, comrade?”

–

Sweat was dripping down my back, just finishing my third sparring match that was against Dimitri. He was easily just as formidable as I remember but now even stronger. I feel like I would have to wait until he was hitting his forties before I’m ever able to beat him easily. At least I could take pride in the fact he appeared worn out after the fight. He may have won but I made him work for it.

I finally decided it was my turn for a break, tapping out and wishing Andrew luck as he took on Dimitri next. I crossed the gym to the wall by the stairs, a tap and basin there. My hands cupped under the cold water and splashed it over my face.

A hand landed on my shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. My head whipped up to meet Chelsy’s warm smile. “Good job. Looks like you will be fine to return to guarding when classes start again.”

I blinked at her a few times as the words sunk in. “Wait? Really?”

“Based on what I saw today, you haven’t lost your touch.” Giving my shoulder another squeeze, she walked off to join the others.

A large grin spread over my face, taking everything I had to not jump a little in excitement. I was still good enough to be Lissa’s guardian—a large weight lifted from my chest. There were still some lingering doubts but I had to believe that they wouldn’t risk Lissa’s safety, which meant I was still good enough.

I turned off the running tap, nearly bursting at the seams with the need to tell Lissa. As I turned back to the room, I collided with another guardian. “Oh, shit, sorry!” I apologised, stepping back from the guy, looking up to find a mop of hair and a nervous expression.

The guy pushed his hair back only for it to fall forward again. His mouth opened and then closed, suddenly looking like he would rather be anywhere else. There was something familiar about him but I knew he wasn’t part of the Royal Guard.

“Hey, sorry, but I don’t remember your name, Guardian…” I prompted with raised eyebrows.

That seemed to break him from his silence. “Oh, Guardian Russo. Emiliano Russo, I guard the perimeter of the house. They said I could come down and watch and…” he trailed off, fingers twisting together before he stopped and exclaimed, “I’m sorry, Guardian Hathaway. If I had just been paying more attention or… or reacted quicker…”

I was at a complete loss as I stared at him as he continued to ramble. I glanced around his arm and managed to catch Dimitri’s eye as he walked off the mat, finished with his match. He cocked his head to the side and then his eyes narrowed.

“...everything that happened is because I was driving. I should have just given you the keys as you asked but–”

“Wait,” I interrupted him, holding a hand up, “you were driving the car?”

His green eyes widened impossibly more, “Yes. It’s all my fault–” His words died as Dimitri came to stand beside me, his expression impassive as he stared down at the young guardian. “Guardian Belikov! I was just going.”

I reached out and caught the kid’s arm, stopping his quick escape, and pulled him around to face me. “Hey, I may not remember it but from what I was told, that accident wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you for it.” At the time when I was told the specifics of what happened, it didn’t occur to me that the other guardian that was driving may hold some guilt. I understood it was an accident and assumed they had as well.

Russo’s eyes shifted from mine to Dimitri’s, shoulders hunching as his eyes dropped to the ground.

I rolled my eyes, “He doesn’t blame you either. Really, kid, it’s fine,” I implored. I side-eyed Dimitri to tell him to back off, his stance protective and eyes hard. “Isn’t it, Dimitri?”

His eyes held mine for a moment before his body relaxed, reluctantly agreeing, “Yes. It’s fine. You still should be more aware when driving. What if your charge had been in the car?”

My elbow hit him in the ribs, shaking my head. “Accidents happen,” I growled at Dimitri and then turned to Russo, my expression softening, “I’m glad you weren’t badly hurt.”

His body relaxed, some of the apprehension and guilt easing from his eyes. “Yeah, I was lucky, just some bruises and a twisted wrist. I was really worried about you, especially when you went missing afterwards.”

I blew out a long breath, “Yeah, that wasn’t my best idea but I was pretty confused. Still am most days,” I attempted to joke, earning a small smile in return.

“I heard. If there’s anything I can do to help, please ask! I really respect both you and Guardian Belikov. You two are amazing! And a guardian couple!”

I had to conceal my grin, noticing as Dimitri became uncomfortable. Guess he didn’t like having a fan. “I need to speak to Guardian Hathaway for a moment,” Dimitri interjected, not waiting for a response before leading me back to the other side of the room.

Once we were out of earshot, I chuckled, “Oh wow, Dimitri we have a fan.”

“I don’t need one.”

I swatted at his arm, “Speak for yourself. I haven’t had other guardians being fans of me, this is new.”

His eyes rolled, leaning down to speak against my ear, “You have plenty of fans.” Pressing a kiss against my hairline before standing at his full height again. “Did this help?” he asked, gesturing towards the sparring match happening between Andrew and Robert.

“Yes,” I grinned at him. I felt more in control, knowing I still had a place here even if I still had a lot to learn. I wrapped my arm around his waist, going up on my toes to make sure he could hear me, “Guess what Chelsy told me?”

Chapter Text

Feather-light kisses were pressed against my shoulder, slowly moving across before stopping just shy of my neck, then his lips moved to the edge of my jaw and continued along it until they covered my mouth. I moaned into the kiss, gasping as warm hands travelled my body, squeezing and caressing my flesh as they did.

“It’s time to get up, Roza,” Dimitri whispered against my lips, his deep voice rumbling through his chest. My hands pressed against him, trailing down his toned muscles as my lips met his again.

I didn’t want to leave this bed ever again. I could feel the streams of sunlight warming us through my window, the curtains left wide open. It was morning but I wished we had more time left.

Today was our last day at the house; Lissa needed to return to Court. And with our return, Dimitri and I were also going back to work. I was shadowing Caleb and Lev on their shifts to relearn the ropes and Dimitri returning to guarding Christian. This was our last chance to lounge in bed like this.

In four days our university classes would resume, and then I won’t even be able to wake up next to Dimitri. I shifted my hands to wrap around him, pulling him tightly against me.

“Five more minutes,” I pleaded. When he opened his mouth to deny me I deepened our kiss; it didn’t take long for him to give into it. I rolled onto my back and he followed, body covering mine as he pressed me into the mattress. My limbs were sore from sparring so much yesterday, and from the nightly activities Dimitri and I took part in after.

Whenever we had sparred in the past, there was always an intense energy between us, an electricity that would send sparks through me each time our eyes met. We were both so attuned to the other's energy that it would ignite our passion. That charged energy carried over when we locked ourselves in my room after and took time to bring one another pleasure.

His hands caught my wrists to stop me from venturing too low, smiling against my lips at my whine of protest, but he didn’t stop kissing. With my arms pinned and his body on top of mine, I could only move my neck, which worked fine for me as I angled my head and continued to move my lips against his.

I had a sudden pain behind my eye and then images flashed through my mind of us being in a very similar position, but on a different bed, and then me punching Dimitri in the face.

I jerked back, making a noise crossed between surprise and confusion. It was a memory, I knew that much, but like the others, the before and after were hazy or non-existent. 

Dimitri’s brows furrowed, hands releasing mine to cradle my face. “Rose? What’s wrong?” his tone was apprehensive, eyes searching for answers as his body lifted off mine.

I shook my head, curling my fingers around his to keep them close. “It’s fine. I just…”

“You just?”

I tilted my head a little as I replayed the memory in my head. There were lingering feelings of anger and stress, but also surprise and longing. I didn’t know what to make of it. Why would I punch Dimitri while kissing him?

“Rose?” Dimitri prompted me when I remained silent.

“Do you remember me kissing you and then punching you?” I asked, cringing at the thought of doing so. Sure, I’ve sparred with him and we have both landed some hits that have hurt, but this punch had all my force behind it. I wanted to knock him off me.

His eyes widened, “What?”

“We were laying on a bed, and you were holding me down, I think. And I kissed you and then punched you. I don’t know why though, that’s all I remembered,” I groaned, getting annoyed by the small pieces I was getting back each time, wishing it was more. Each memory just brought more questions.

Dimitri didn’t respond, face becoming blank. Maybe it was an argument we had and he didn’t want to bring it up again. I wouldn’t put it past me to lash out if I was angry enough, especially if I was still affected by the darkness I took from Lissa.

I shifted to sit up, forcing a smile as I waved him off, “It doesn’t matter. It was just weird.” I stood, stretching, ignoring the strange atmosphere that had settled between us. “What time are we leaving?”

Slowly, he turned and lifted his eyes to mine, a strained look in them. “It was when we broke you out of jail. Abe ordered us to keep you safe in town in the middle of West Virginia, but you refused to stay put. We argued and you distracted me so you could escape.”

“Oh,” I replied, “that does sound like me. I must have been pretty pissed.” The anger I could feel from the memory made sense.

“Things were… complicated between us,” Dimitri continued, his expression becoming pained, “I had only recently been restored and I was still processing everything that had happened.”

I wasn’t sure what to say, an unease spreading through me from the waver in his voice, the pain in his eyes. I reached for him, “Dimitri–”

A knock at the door startled us both, followed by Caleb yelling, “Stop having sex and get up! Breakfast is ready and I can’t promise we won’t eat all of it!” As his footsteps moved away from the door, I turned back to Dimitri but his expression had closed off again and I knew he wasn’t going to continue.

“I guess we should get dressed.” I shifted on my feet, giving him a chance to say more, but as expected he kept his lips pressed together, nodding before rising from the bed and choosing clothes for the day.

It had been years since he was Strigoi but I knew it still affected him. Whenever those months were brought up when he explained things I didn’t remember, I could see it. I didn’t want to push him to talk about something that brought so much pain.

As we made our way downstairs I took his hand in mine, squeezing so he would look at me. “I love you,” I told him. I stepped closer, going up on my toes and his head dipped down to meet mine in a sweet kiss. When we pulled back he wore a small smile.

“I love you, too, Roza.”

I was bored out of my mind, calling on all of my training and focus to not yawn or show any fatigue as the Council members continued to drone on. It was the last of Lissa’s meetings, dragging on as they tried to squeeze in everything they could think of to discuss before we returned to Bethlehem in eight hours.

Each extra minute I spent in here was one less I got to spend with Dimitri, and my annoyance about it grew more and more. I don’t know how Lissa was dealing with this, and she had to pay attention and reply; at least I could block out the voices and just focus on surveying the room.

It was easy enough to learn what I needed to do as Lissa’s close guardian, a lot of it involving things Dimitri had taught me at the academy. As with fighting, a lot of it fell into place like a habit. There were still blank spaces but slowly things were returning. 

Small snippets here and there were returning; nothing substantial, just things like Dimitri’s favourite ice cream, the present Lissa got me for my birthday last year. I also remembered watching Caleb hit on Dimitri and had a long laugh at Dimitri’s expense.

I wished it was more. 

There was something bothering Dimitri since we returned to Court. At times, an anxious look would cloud his eyes when he would look at me. I would catch it out of the corner of my eye, yet when I would look it was gone and he would be gazing at me with love or amusement. 

I didn’t know how to bring it up, scared of disturbing the happy bubble we had formed. Every second we spent together we were constantly touching, showering one another in love. It was everything I wished I could do when at the academy and now we could.

Or at least, we would if these people would stop talking.

I spied Dimitri across the room, standing against the wall like the other guardians. Only the Royal Guards stood at the front behind Lissa’s and Christian’s chairs. His eyes met mine and I could feel the heat in them from here, a shiver running down my spine as I thought of what he promised to do to me this morning. 

When I was mumbling about not wanting to go to the meeting, he had pressed close and whispered in a husky voice many things that brought a blush to my face and a tightening of anticipation in my lower stomach. I had to drop my eyes before my face heated up again in front of all these people.

“I believe that is all we have time for this meeting. I will look into your proposal and Lord Ozera will continue this discussion in the next meeting,” Lissa spoke up, silencing the Council members before they could start talking about another proposal. 

She rose from her seat, looking as regal as ever, her mask only breaking for a second when she turned and faced me. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to not laugh at the exasperated look she gave me.

Caleb and I were on either side of the couple, following closely as Lev opened Lissa’s private exit and Dimitri brought up the rear. As soon as we were out of the meeting hall, Lissa’s mask dropped, her exhaustion showing plainly.

“They just kept going,” she groaned, rubbing at her temples. Christian huffed in agreement.

“And I have to go through it all next week,” he complained as we travelled through the private passageways back to their quarters.

I had expected to get lost in the palace, yet the more time I was here, the more the layout returned to me. I hoped the same would happen at the university campus.

We reached the doors, Luka and Alexei already standing at the ready to change shifts with us, Erik and George stood guard at entrances leading to the hall. A handful of guardians patrolled the outer halls and rooms, each tasked with checking in every hour, and cameras were set up to monitor all areas surrounding Lissa.

I stepped through into their quarters and did a sweep of every room, Dimitri doing the same. Once we were sure it was clear we both relaxed, technically no longer on shift. “We are meeting at 10 a.m. so we have plenty of time to drive back and get settled in,” I confirmed with Lissa, noticing the pout she wore. She was just as unhappy for our break to be over.

She glanced at Christian, reaching a hand out to him which he quickly took in his own. “Guess I should finish packing,” she murmured.

I nudged Dimitri towards the door. I didn’t need the bond to tell from Lissa’s expression what she wanted to do. With a quick goodbye, we left them be and made our way out of the palace and towards Dimitri’s apartment.

My hands were itching to reach for him, feeling almost like I was vibrating from my need to be with him as much as I could before I had to leave.

Dimitri suddenly changed directions halfway home. “Let’s go this way,” he suggested, walking towards the middle of Court. His hand slipped into mine and led the way.

I became even more confused when he brought us back to the courtyard, the one I had apparently landscaped at some point. “Why did you want to come here?” I asked, looking around us. It wasn’t too late into the Moroi day, people wandering around, though no one paid us much attention.

A pensive look was on Dimitri’s face, his hand squeezing mine. “There’s just something…” he trailed off, a hand rubbing over his face.

“Does this have something to do with when you were turned?” I asked in a gentle voice, near whispering so others didn’t hear. His eyes snapped to mine, guilt filling them. 

“No,” he winced. “Yes, kind of. It’s related.” I could tell he was struggling with how to reveal what was on his mind, that it was troubling him. “When I came back, everything was so… I was…” Hands dragged through his hair, “Roza, everything was too much when I was restored, the guilt of everything was too much and it was all I could feel.”

“Dimitri,” I soothed him, reaching to take his hands in mine, “you don’t have to talk about it.”

“I… I–”

“It’s okay,” I told him, “I don’t like making you feel like this. I’m sorry that I don’t remember everything but I don’t want you to put yourself through this. It’s okay, comrade.”

His eyes pinched, and then he nodded, the guilt remaining in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Roza.”

“It’s okay,” I repeated as I pulled him in for a hug which he returned with a strong embrace. “I’m sure I’ll remember it myself soon, and we’ll deal with it when it comes.” I felt him stiffen as I spoke before he pulled me impossibly closer, head pressed into my hair.

“I love you, Roza. Always.”

The sense of unease settled over me again but I couldn’t bring myself to question him for answers. Instead, I savoured the feeling of holding him close.

"I wish I didn’t have to go," I grumbled into Dimitri’s chest, my arms wrapped around his waist as we stood in the living room of his apartment. 

It was almost time for me to leave, my packed bag by the door ready for me to grab and then go meet Lissa and the rest of my team outside the palace. I didn't want to be away from him again, not after my memories of losing him and seeing him turned were still so fresh. I worried that being away from him would bring back the nightmares and make me doubt if his being restored actually happened.

Dimitri chuckled softly, smoothing my hair back as he returned the embrace. "We will talk every day and it won't be long until you are back at Court again,” he pointed out. 

It was true that Lissa needed to return in two weeks, and I would be returning with her. I just had to wait until then.

Reluctantly I pulled away, pouting as I marched to the door and picked up my bag. “Fine, but just so you know, I hate it.”

He laughed, eyes crinkling as he gazed at me with affection, “I know, Roza.”

Standing on the edge of the university campus was daunting. It was the middle of the day and the likelihood of anything happening to Lissa was low but the size and amount of people wandering around us caused me to tense in anticipation of anything. I stuck as close to Lissa as I could without drawing too much attention, remembering the training I had of scanning the surrounding area without being obvious.

I did my best to conceal it but inside I was a ball of nerves ready to snap. Sure, if someone tried anything, I would be able to fight them off; but I was still anxious about not being good enough to defend Lissa—the Queen of all Moroi and dhampir. The pressure of that weighed heavily on my shoulders.

Lissa noticed my unease—had as soon as we got out of the car—and looped her arm through mine, pointing out buildings as we passed them. I had already studied the map of the campus, making sure I knew all of the exits of the buildings we had classes in. Chelsy had gone through all of the protocols and escape routes so I knew what to do if there was an incident.

I was prepared for anything and that just made me more on edge.

The classes themselves were confusing and felt like they dragged on as much as the council meetings. I could feel a headache building just thinking of everything I needed to catch up on. At least I had a couple of weeks before the next major exams.

My mind had been so concerned about making sure I would be prepared for protecting Lissa; I never mentally prepared myself. It wasn’t the fact of being at university; it was like a bigger, and in the sunlight, version of St. Vladimirs.

It was the stares that I received.

The last two weeks had been spent with Dimitri and others that knew of the car crash; no one ever mentioned my scars from the accident. It had slipped to the back of my mind despite seeing it each time in the mirror. It was healing, there would always be a scar, but it wasn’t as bad as it once was.

But here, it was new, and everyone kept staring.

I preferred my hair up when guarding, but had pulled it out of the bun I put it in this morning, letting it fall forward to cover the side of my face. If I wasn’t having to come back here for the next couple of months, I would tell them all where to shove it.

I didn’t like to feel self-conscious.

By the end of the day, I was irritated, scowling at anyone I saw staring; glaring back until they dropped their eyes. My bad mood stuck with me as I laid in my bed after my shift had finished. There was a mountain of work I needed to read through sitting in my bag and more on my desk; none of it was appealing.

I really hoped that things would get better from here.

My phone started ringing; Lissa had to show me how to use my new phone, I missed my old one, it was straightforward. I swiped the answer button and held it to my ear without looking at called I.D.

“Hathaway,” I grumbled.

“Wasn’t a good day?” Dimitri’s deep voice wrapped around me like a balm, instantly my mood improved.

With a smile, I replied, “It’s better now. I miss you.”

There was a soft sigh, “I miss you too.”

I had forgotten that Dimitri promised to call each night after my shift finished, apparently a tradition we had been following for a couple of years. It felt silly to be so affected by what others thought of my appearance; when I was with Dimitri I only felt beautiful.

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

Dimitri hummed, picturing the soft smile that would be on his face, “I think you’re beautiful. You are so beautiful, it hurts me sometimes.”

A goofy grin spread over my face, “Good answer, comrade.”

Chapter Text

“Corn Palace?”

“Rose?” Lissa's voice was confused, nudging me with her elbow.

I blinked, lifting my head from where I had it rested on my hand. We were sitting at the counter in the kitchen, my shift had ended an hour ago; Dimitri wasn’t able to talk for long today so I was left with nothing else to do to fill my time.

“I don’t think they do take out,” Caleb teased, a smirk on his face. He was standing against the wall with Lev, occasionally whispering to him, trying to break the mask he wore while on shift. 

I pulled a face at him, pushing the hair from my face and turning back to Lissa; we had been discussing options for what to eat tonight when a sliver of a memory returned to me. It’d been happening more often lately, and I was even fortunate for some of what I’d learnt in classes to return to me.

“Why do I have the urge to go to the Corn Palace?” I asked, rubbing my forehead. I would ask Dimitri but he had already started his shift. It’s only been a week since I’d seen him but I missed being with him all the time.

Thankfully I had only woken up a couple of times from a dream of being held in Siberia; the memory of red eyes and the high of the Strigoi bite. There would be a couple of minutes where I would be confused, having no idea where I was and feeling the pain of Dimitri’s death again. 

Twice now, I’ve called him just so I could hear his voice. 

Lissa gave me a soft smile, recognising that this was another memory returning to me. “I think you and Dimitri went there last year for your birthday.”

I frowned, “But why?”

“Because you are so corny?” Caleb supplied. Lev almost cracked a smile.

“I think,” Lissa interjected before I could retort, “that it was something you two spoke about during your time away .” Lissa gave me a pointed look so I understood what time away she meant. While I had been proven innocent, I still broke out of prison and evaded guardians. It wasn’t the best thing to bring up.

I nodded, making a mental note to ask Dimitri about it later.

“We still need to choose what to eat,” Lissa reminded us, gesturing to the take out menus laid before her. With a sigh, she pushed them all towards me, “You choose, Rose. It will be like having something for the first time for you.”

“That’s cheating,” I muttered, glancing over the glossy menus. There were too many to pick from and not enough that I could remember trying before to know what I liked. Closing my eyes, I slapped my hand down on one of them and picked it up. “This one!”

Caleb tapped his fingers on the wheel to the beat of the song on the radio, I didn’t recognise it but it sounded alright. I shifted in my seat, dragging my hands along the material of my pants to wipe the sweat that had formed since we got in the car.

It wasn’t my first time in one since the accident, but it was my first time in the passenger seat. I had no recollection of what happened that day and had been told it would be unlikely I would. My other memories should return but the trauma of the accident might prevent me from remembering that day or even the days leading up to it.

Though my brain couldn’t recall what happened, it seemed my body did.

My heart rate had quickened since leaving the house, a slight tremor to my hands, and even my breath sounded heavier than it should. I was pretty sure I was on the edge of a panic attack.

“We can go back home,” Caleb offered, looking over at me with a concerned look. He pretended he didn’t notice what was happening at first but now was openly worried.

“Nope. I can do this. Just keep driving.” We were both off shift so we offered to pick up the food. The sun had just set leaving the streets in darkness, just the streetlights to illuminate the road. The idea of possibly crossing paths with Strigoi was in the back of my mind and yet I think I preferred that to happen rather than remain in the car.

But I had to push through.

“Was it close by?” I asked, worrying my lip between my teeth.

Caleb glanced at me again, eyebrows furrowed. “The crash?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, looking straight ahead rather than at him, “Dimitri said I was on a food run, right?”

He hummed, seeming hesitant to speak. “It was actually at the lights ahead,” he spoke carefully, side-eyeing me, waiting for a reaction.

A shaky breath left me. “Okay.” 

Part of me wanted to look away but as we approached the lights my eyes focused, noticing the dark tire marks on the road, and the poll on the side of the road that was bent. If you didn’t know, you wouldn’t be able to guess that almost three weeks ago I had almost died there.

My hand moved up to touch the side of my face that still bore a scar, lightly tracing it.

“You okay, Rose?”

It took a moment for me to find my voice again, “Yeah, I’m okay.”

My hands fumbled with the bags, heaving them into the backseat of the car, Caleb balancing the carton of drinks behind me.

“You will have to hold these,” he commented, placing them on top of the car as he opened my door.

I scoffed, “If you make me spill them–”

He waved a hand at me, “Hey, I’m a good driver, no crashes yet.” His eyes widened after a second, realising what he had said. I laughed.

After driving past where the accident was I started to relax, I turned and winked at him, “Good, because unlike me, you aren’t pretty enough to pull off a scar.” 

Caleb’s panic passed, throwing his head back and laughing, “We all know I’m the prettiest guardian in the house.”

“Really? Even Lev?”

That caused him to pause, a blush working its way across the top of his cheeks and ears. He cleared his throat, marching to his side of the car, “We should get this back before the food gets cold.”

I couldn’t conceal my smirk. I knew there was something going on between them, though according to Lissa, nothing had happened yet. I suspected otherwise, especially considering they shared a room.

Whatever reply I had was forgotten as a piercing scream echoed through the streets. It wasn’t too late in the night, but the streets were sparse, our car being the only one in the parking lot. I spun on my heel, hand already gripping my stake.

“Caleb?” Though I technically outranked him, I had been deferring to his leadership this past week.

“Let’s check it out,” he agreed, close on my heels as we ran towards the scream.

While it wasn’t our job to hunt down Strigoi, I couldn’t bring myself to just abandon someone that might be in danger; as we rounded the corner of the alley, I was glad we didn’t.

A Strigoi had a human woman in his grasp, fangs buried in her neck. I reached them first, knocking the Strigoi off-balance and ripping them away from the woman. I heard Caleb helping her while I focused on the threat before me.

It had been a while since I fought one, the last one I remembered fighting being in Siberia. I sized him up, reminding myself that I still knew how to fight; I could beat most of the guys I worked with—I could take down one Strigoi.

The Strigoi looked to be in their forties or fifties when turned, their grey hair almost blending with the chalky hue of their skin. They were old and strong. I blocked their punch, feeling the impact vibrate through my body; ignoring the dull ache in my forearm, I pushed forward. 

As we traded hits, I could feel a slight pressure in my head, though I pushed the feeling aside to focus on the fight. It was amazing to be able to see the difference in my skills since I was eighteen. Then I had worked with other dhampirs to take down Strigoi, yet now I was handling my own.

I managed to get past their defence and grip them by the collar, throwing my weight into them to push them back against the wall of the alley. Their head snapped back against the concrete with a yell; my body moving on instinct and plunging my stake deep into their chest.

With a strangled scream, the Strigoi dropped to the ground, dead.

Get up and fight me!

“Rose?”

I jumped, eyes snapping to Caleb’s. “What?”

He slowly approached me, phone held against his ear. “You’ve just been standing there. Are you hurt?”

I shook my head, clearing the haze that had settled over it. I rolled my shoulders, gripping the stake still in my hand. “I'm fine. Is the lady okay?” Caleb didn’t believe me but didn’t push it, explaining that the woman was waiting in the car, the Alchemist on their way.

For whatever reason, the image of me throwing the Strigoi against the wall continued to play in my head, but I couldn’t figure out why.

Why did it bother me?

It took ten minutes before an Alchemist showed up; they took care of the body and took the woman off our hands. For the entire drive home I stared at my hands, clutching the tray of drinks. That pressure was still there in my head, often I felt that when a memory returned, yet there was nothing this time.

Just those words.

None of it made any sense—something I was becoming very accustomed to.

xXx

Dimitri POV.

There was a lull in the day; granted most of the day was uneventful. Christian was booked in meetings until this afternoon, which meant me standing off to the side watching for any threats. He was in his study, in between meetings, and taking the moment to enjoy the brief period of peace. 

Christian dropped onto his leather couch, releasing a soft groan, “I can’t wait until Lissa is back so she can deal with this,” he grumbled. My lips quirked in a smile; if Lissa was back, so would Rose and I had to admit that was very appealing.

I didn’t have the chance to talk to her for long this morning but at least she seemed better today than she had previously. It was an adjustment to get used to her absence again. My concern for her remained constant, dreading that she would wake up in a panic again and call.

While I was glad she did, and that I could offer her some comfort, I wished I was able to do so in person.

We heard through the gossip of guardians that she had fought a Strigoi earlier today; it was all I could find out about it. Seeing Lissa wasn’t involved there wasn’t a lot of information gathered on the attack. What I knew for sure was that Rose wasn’t hurt.

I took the moment of respite as well, allowing myself to relax slightly with Christian being in the room with me and another guardian. The peace was broken by my phone vibrating in my back pocket. Nodding at the other guardian, I stepped away for a semblance of privacy.

I answered quietly, “Belikov.”

“Dimitri,” Rose’s voice cracked, her breath ragged as she sobbed. It wasn’t the first time she had called upset but there was something in her tone that was so broken.

“Roza,” I soothed, whispering so I wouldn’t be heard, “what's wrong?”

“The Strigoi I killed,” she started, her voice sounding flat and defeated, “he hit his head. I did it, I pushed him.”

I wasn’t expecting the attack to affect her this much but wasn’t completely surprised. I tried to comfort her, but she cut me off.

“I can’t believe I would—it feels so real. How could…”

My brows furrowed, trying to make sense of what she was saying, “Roza, what do you mean?”

There was a sharp inhale, her voice barely a whisper, “Dimitri, did I kill Victor?”

My heart clenched. I wished she never had to feel this pain again. “Yes,” I answered, hating that I had to but I couldn’t lie to her.

“Oh god.”

“It was an accident. You weren’t yourself–”

“Dimitri?” Christian called me from across the room, now standing and ready to go to the next meeting. I cursed under my breath, giving a quick nod.

“I’m sorry. You’re working. You have to go don’t you?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, I’ll call as soon as I can. But, Roza, it’s not your fault,” I implored, hoping my words would be enough to stop the guilt I knew she would be feeling. I could hear her trying to control her breath, knowing she was trying to push down her emotions.

“It’s okay. I’ll be alright. I’m going to try to sleep again, you go back to work.”

I wanted more than anything to keep her on the phone but it wasn’t possible. “I’ll call you later, I promise.” She didn’t reply, the call ending before I could say more. I squeezed the bridge of my nose, forcing the emotions that rose to the surface back down.

I hated being unable to do anything.

“Is she okay?” Christian asked, guessing it was Rose. He knew of her other calls, confirming that she was okay each time. He concealed it but Christian was worried about her as much as the rest of us.

“She…” I turned to face him, my expression guarded again, “She’s struggling more this time but she’ll be alright.” I hoped.

A look crossed his face, “Take the day off.”

My eyebrows raised, “What?”

“Take the day off and go see her.” I started to shake my head, he rolled his eyes at me. “Just do what I say, okay. I’m in meetings today and Miles can handle watching me. Go take care of her.” He gave me a look that I had learnt over the years meant that he wasn’t going to argue. Christian and Rose were equally stubborn.

Part of me disliked leaving my charge but I remembered how broken Rose was after Victor had died, thinking she deserved to be punished, I didn’t want her to go through it alone. “Thank you,” I nodded at Christian, passing him and making my way out of his study and through the halls of the palace. 

My mind replayed the conversation Rose and I shared in the hotel years ago, the expression that she wore, and how hard she took it. Though she agreed that she needed to move past it, his death haunted her for weeks after.

Rose tried to hide it, knowing that I was trying to move past my own guilt. She didn’t want to burden me with it. We were still finding our footing in our relationship at the time, moving past everything that had happened since I was turned and then restored.

The one upside now was that I knew how to help her move past this.

It was just after two when I arrived at the house, borrowing a car from Court and calling ahead to let them know I was coming. I didn’t tell Rose in case she tried to convince me to stay at Court.

Erik was on shift, opening the door for me with a nod and waving me up. I tried to be silent as I let myself into Rose’s room, easing the door closed after I stepped through. With just the light of the moon illuminating the space, I could see the outline of her on the bed, curled up on her side.

As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I took note of the tissues that surrounded her and how her shoulders shook, her guilt tormenting her even in her sleep.

Shrugging off my coat and shoes, I climbed into the bed, sliding in behind her and wrapping my arms around her. She rolled towards me, hands clutching at my shirt even though she was still asleep. I gently wiped her tears, murmuring to her in Russian.

After a couple of minutes her eyes opened, body freezing before realising it was me. 

“Dimitri?” She peered up at me in shock, which morphed into relief and then sorrow as new tears gathered in her eyes. “I killed him. I'm a murderer.”

I shook my head. “No, Roza. It wasn’t your fault,” I repeated, catching her tears as they fell, “it was the darkness.”

Though she was looking at me, her eyes were unfocused, lost in her memories. “He was an old man. He wasn’t a threat to me!”

Her words were so similar to what she said last time. My hands cradled her face, thumbs brushing against her cheeks until she was focused on me. “Listen to me Roza, he was trying to harm you. He would have hurt you, Jill, and Lissa. Victor was not an innocent man. I know it doesn’t make it right but you can’t allow the guilt of it to pull you under,” I pleaded. She didn’t deserve to go through that pain again. “I know it doesn’t feel possible right now, but soon you will realise that you have to forgive yourself. You have forgiven yourself.”

Rose remained silent but didn’t turn away for me. Slowly, I could see her pulling herself back together, a look of understanding and resolve in her eyes. With a slight nod, she moved closer to me, hands curling against my chest as her face buried in my neck. 

“Thank you for coming,” she whispered.

I pulled her tightly against me, kissing her hair, “Of course, Roza. I’m always here for you.”

We would need to talk about it more in the morning, and fill in the blanks for her, but I took the moment to cherish having her in my arms again. 

Chapter Text

“If I let this stop me,” I murmured, “if I do nothing… then that’s the greater evil. I’ll do more good by surviving. By continuing to fight and protect others.”

“What are you saying?” asked Dimitri.

“I’m saying… I forgive myself. That doesn’t make everything thing perfect, but it’s a start.” My fingertip traced the line of a tiny crack in the glass’s surface. “Who knows? Maybe that outburst in the parking lot let out some of the darkness Sonya says is in my aura. Skeptic that I am, I have to give her some points. She was right that I was at a breaking point, that all I needed was a spark.”

“She was right about something else too,” Dimitri said after a long pause. My back was to him, but there was a strange quality to his voice that made me turn around.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“That I do still love you.”

I slowly blinked my eyes open, feeling them strained and raw from crying through most of the night. The morning sunlight that hit the sheets made me squint, wincing as my eyes tried to adjust. My mind felt sluggish, trying to break from the remnants of the dream I had… or was it another memory?

I couldn’t be sure, and I couldn’t remember enough of it to ask Dimitri about it when I spoke to him next.

Thoughts of Dimitri caused memories of last night to return to me, quickly bolting upright in my bed, eyes frantically searching the room.

After the attack with the Strigoi, I had continued to feel that pressure behind my eye, excusing myself to my room for an early night. It was as I was replaying the events of the fight that the memory of what happened with Victor returned.

I remembered the rage, how consuming it was. How focused I was on stopping him no matter what.

I also remember the horror of realising what I had done.

I needed to confirm if it was true, despite knowing in my gut it was; I had to hear him say it. Calling Dimitri eased some of the pain but also sent me spiralling down with guilt when he confirmed that I had indeed taken a life.

Victor was by no means a good man, I hated him after everything he did to Lissa and me, but he was also a man I used to admire and enjoy being around. The knowledge that I was the one to kill him brought on so many different emotions, but through it all, the guilt was overwhelming.

I took the life of another.

The space beside me was empty. Resting my hand on my sheets, I thought Dimitri slept beside me last night, but finding it cold made me wonder if it had all been a dream. Did he not come to see me?

I searched for a note on the pillow or the bedside table; maybe he had to leave early to return to Court, leaving something to explain his absence, but still, I found nothing.

My heart clenched, a wave of sorrow washing over me that he wasn’t actually here. I would do anything for last night to have been real.

Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks, inhaling sharply as my body shook from the sobs. I wasn’t sure if I was crying because of my guilt or because of how alone I felt. A weight was on my chest, getting heavier with each breath until I was struggling to fill my lungs. My hands covered my face, my knees pulling up so I could curl in on myself. I grasped at the strands of my hair in an iron-like grip, tugging on them to feel something other than the oppressive guilt.

How could I have allowed myself to lose control like that?

I had killed Strigoi in the past, but I never once thought I would be capable of killing a Moroi. What I did was unforgivable.

“Roza.” 

My eyes snapped open, body stilling when hands covered mine and detangled them from my hair. The smell of pine surrounded me, his warmth and touch bringing my awareness back. I could hear my ragged breath, gasping for air that I couldn’t gain.

“Roza,” he pleaded, “you need to calm down. Breathe.”

I shook my head, unable to follow his words. It was too much.

His hands guided me to the edge of the bed, moving my legs so my feet were on the ground and leaning me forward to put my head between my knees. “Breathe with me, in and out,” he instructed, exaggerating his own breath so I could hear it, copy it.

Tears were still running freely down my face, now brought on by the panic as I struggled. His hands rubbed along my spine, brushing my hair back from my face as I slowly regained control.

“Good, just take your time, Roza. I’m right here,” Dimitri promised, whispering close to my ear, “I’m right here.”

Soon I was no longer gasping, small sobs causing my shoulders to shake, Dimitri wrapped his arms around me, holding me secure. I brought my hands up to cover my face again, to wipe my tears.

“I’m sorry,” I swallowed past the lump in my throat to force the words out. Though I wasn’t being suffocated by my emotions I still felt the pressure of them.

He gently shushed me, fingers running through my hair in a soothing motion, “You have nothing to be sorry about.” Dimitri’s hand slipped under my chin, tilting it up so he could see my face. His eyes were full of concern as they held mine.

My bottom lip quivered as tears welled up in my eyes, but I blinked them back. My hands reached for him, cradling his cheeks. “You’re really here,” I breathed, a sense of relief coming over me.

Regret flashed in his eyes, shifting closer on his knees to press against my legs, “Sorry, I wanted to have breakfast ready for you. I didn’t want to wake you when I got up.”

Affection warmed my chest. “I thought…” I trailed off, needing to clear my throat, “When you weren’t here, I thought it was a dream. I’m glad it wasn’t.” I hated to think of how I might have managed to calm myself if Dimitri wasn’t here. The others would have freaked out if they had found me in the middle of a panic attack. I wouldn’t even be able to say why I was so upset.

My breath caught as I wondered if others knew.

Dimitri’s eyes never left mine, studying me closely, “It’s okay, Roza,” he promised. Once he was sure I wasn’t about to break down again, he stood from the ground, walking to my desk which had a tray of food on it. I hadn’t processed his words before, but now realised he had left to make me breakfast.

He gestured for me to sit back against my pillows, lowering the tray to the mattress once I was comfortable. “It’s not much,” he started, arranging himself against the headboard beside me, “Caleb mentioned you didn’t eat much last night, if you are still hungry after this I can make some more.”

I looked at the plate of eggs, bacon and hashbrowns, my stomach making sounds to announce just how hungry I was. I paused again, glancing at him, “Do they know why you’re here?” 

“I just told them I wanted to see you.”

I felt abashed that I had made Dimitri come all the way here during his shift, feeling my face flush in shame, I looked down at my hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you when you were working.”

His hands caught mine, squeezing my fingers, “Don’t be. I’m glad that you did. I want to be there for you, Roza, and help you understand it.” The sincerity in his voice gave me relief that he wasn’t annoyed with me.

“How did you get away from work? You were only a couple of hours in when I called.”

A small smile pulled at his lips, “Christian gave me the day off. He was worried about you.” The back of his fingers trailed down my cheek; his expression became serious again, “How are you feeling?”

I shrugged, hands wrapped around his in my lap, tracing patterns on his palm, “I have a headache from crying so much.”

“Did you want to talk about it?”

I deflated against the headboard, admitting with a sigh, “I don’t know. Like I want to know what happened—why it happened—but I also wished I never remembered it.”

Dimitri nodded, pressing his body closer to mine and pulling the tray forward. “Eat some food and I’ll get you some more water, and we can talk about it when you’re ready.”

My eyes moved to his in confusion, “You don’t have to go back to Court soon?”

“I’ll go back later when it’s closer to my shift. Now I’m here, I want to spend as much time with you as I can,” he admitted, lips quirked up as he gazed at me lovingly. While it wasn’t the greatest reason that brought him here, I was glad he was.

“I missed you.”

His lips pressed against my forehead before he pulled back to hold my eyes again, “I missed you too.”

After I finished eating Dimitri explained to me how the darkness I took from Lissa controlled me, pushing me over the edge. His voice shook when he mentioned how I almost became lost in the madness.

Again he reminded me that I shouldn’t hold onto the guilt and that I needed to forgive myself. The words from my dream came back to me but I didn’t mention them. There was something in the back of my mind, a small voice, telling me that there was more to all of this; something big that I didn’t know. But after the pain I felt reliving this memory, I didn’t want to take on any more.

I was grateful that it was the weekend; Lissa had no classes and it was my day off. For half the day we were able to lounge in my bed, watching Dimitri sleep when I finally convinced him he needed to. 

My heart swelled thinking about how he had dropped everything to come to take care of me, there was no doubt about how much he loved me, which made my dream all the more confusing.

“That I do still love you.”

Why would I ever question that?

Dimitri was awake again when I returned from my shower, eyes half-open, a lazy smile appearing on his face. “I missed this,” he commented, his voice thick with lust and affection. I shot him a saucy smile as I sauntered toward him.

“How long until you have to leave?” I asked as I straddled his waist, my towel discarded to the floor.

His grin grew as his eyes roamed my body, large hands gripping my thighs and working their way up, “I’ve got time.”

I rose up on the tip of my toes to press my lips against Dimitri’s, taking the moment to savour it. He wasn’t even gone yet and I missed him so much that my chest hurt. I had a weird feeling in my stomach that told me something was going to happen and it made me scared to let him leave.

“You’ll call me as soon as you get back, right?” I confirmed for the third time.

His eyebrows furrowed, picking up on my nervousness. “I promise. It’ll be okay. I’ll see you next week when you and Lissa return to Court,” he reminded me before capturing my lips in another kiss. “If you need to talk about it, you can call anytime.” He assumed I was still on edge about Victor and I didn’t bother correcting him. How could I explain that I just had a strange feeling?

I looked up at the sun, it was only a couple of hours after noon but Dimitri needed to be back before sunset for his shift. With a pout, I unwound my arms from his neck and stepped back so he could get into his car.

Once he was in, he wound down the wind, resting his arm on the windowsill. He gave me one of his blinding smiles that always made my knees weak and my heartbeat sped up. “I love you, Roza.”

A large smile spread over my face, “I love you too, comrade.” 

I waved goodbye to him again, standing out front as I watched him drive down the driveway and out the gates. I felt like one of those girls in the romantic movies, wishing that the guy would turn back around and come back to them. While I loved my job as a guardian, especially being Lissa’s, I wished I wasn’t separated from him so much.

Lissa looked up at me from the couch when I finally dragged myself back inside. She gave me a sympathetic look, “It sucks when we have to say goodbye to them. I can’t wait for this semester to be over.” 

Her hand covered mine when I dropped on the cushion beside her, sighing dramatically as I agreed. Lissa closed her book and placed it on the coffee table in order to wrap her arms around me. While I could pretend she was comforting me because I missed Dimitri but I knew it was more than that; I hadn’t mentioned it but she knew I was upset over more than that.

“Did you want to come with me into the city?” she asked, “I have to go to a fitting, it could be fun.”

I didn’t feel like putting on a big smile and interacting with others today but I also didn’t want to just sit in my room alone while waiting for Dimitri to call when he reaches Court. “Sure, why not,” I agreed, “Maybe I can explore a little as well.” I wasn’t on shift and wouldn’t be required to stay with Lissa the whole time. Walking around the University had helped bring back some small things, maybe exploring the city more would do the same.

I was thankful to be able to leave the boutique that Lissa had her fitting in; it was going to be at least an hour of pinning and adjusting the clothes she was getting. While it would have been preferred for her to have had this done at the house, Lissa hated to make things more difficult for others. Going to the store was easier than bringing the store to her.

Six Royal Guards were with Lissa in the shop, Chelsy in the room with her. They both encouraged me to go look around, promising to call when they were ready to leave. Stepping out onto the pavement outside of the store, I glanced around trying to decide which way to go. 

There were a couple of guardians stationed outside to keep an eye on the perimeter, including Russo; he gave me a shy smile when our eyes met.

Sticking my hands in the pockets of my leather jacket, I began my trek, deciding to walk around the block and see what stood out.

After wandering for fifteen minutes I came across a large stone church, the gothic architecture and towering walls reminded me of the church at Court. I was never one for the church, only a handful of times seeking one out; the last being after the caves.

Dimitri found solace in a church, using the time in there to reflect on his actions as a guardian; for the Strigoi he killed. Eyeing the doors I wondered if that was something that would help me.

What happened to Victor may have been caused by a force I couldn’t control but that didn’t make it okay, and it didn’t change what I did. But I came to accept that it wasn’t something I should allow to drag me down.

I bounced on the balls of my feet for a moment in indecision before giving in and walking up the stone steps and inside. The silence inside gave me a small sense of familiarity. It wasn’t often I was in a church during the daytime, enjoying how the colours from the stained glass windows filled the space with the different colours.

It was nice to be out of the sun, though it was still cool, I think my lack of sleep had made the heat hit me harder; the headache was still there, pressure behind my eye.

Finding a pew towards the back, I lowered myself to the wooden seat, folding my hands in my lap and taking a deep breath.

I realised as I was sitting there that I didn’t know what to do. I never tried this before, and I wasn’t about to start talking to myself. I fidgeted, pulling a face as I wondered why I came in.

Taking another deep breath, I imagined Dimitri and thought of what he would do. 

I pictured him sitting in the pew, watching the priest as he spoke, completely absorbed in what he was saying. His expression was exquisite. The way he focused was so additive to watch; how his emotions that he would often keep concealed would show on his face.

I wanted to reach out and touch him, thinking of the warm smile he would give me; yet that wasn’t what happened.

The pressure in my head built again.

The image I had in my head shifted. Dimitri was no longer sitting beside me but standing and staring at me with a look that made my blood run cold. Like I was something strange and bad.

“Rose. Please Stop. Please stay away.”

I felt my heart squeeze painfully as I dropped my head to my hands. This wasn’t my imagination—this was a memory.

Painful emotions churned inside me as more of the memory returned. I didn’t understand what I was recalling. None of it was making sense.

And then I swore my heart stopped, the pain becoming agony as his words rang through my head and pierced my heart and my soul.

“I’ve given up on you. Love fades. Mine has.”

Chapter Text

Dimitri POV

The screen on my phone was dark, my finger tapping against the tabletop beside it, hoping it would light up. Growing impatient, I unlocked the screen only to frown that there were still no notifications.

No missed calls. No messages.

Nothing.

“Dimitri?” Christian asked with raised eyebrows, glancing at me, his empty plate in front of him though mine was barely touched. It was a habit we started to eat together a couple of nights a week after my shift had finished. Neither of us would strictly admit it, but we missed Lissa and Rose and wanted some company.

I winced internally at being caught, quickly tucking my phone back into the pocket of my pants. “Sorry,” I apologised sheepishly. It was bad enough that I was constantly checking my phone but now Christian was aware.

I had been attempting to disguise the concerns that were filling my mind; with each day that passed, it changed to anxiety and now fear.

After I left Rose four days ago, everything appeared fine, she was still upset but I thought she would be okay. Now, I seriously doubted that. When I called after returning to Court she sounded distant, ending the call quickly because they were in the city.

I wrote it off as her still needing time to work through the guilt that the memory brought. Then, the next day I called she was the same, with short answers and an even shorter call. I had grown accustomed to receiving messages throughout the night that I would read upon waking or even ones to look forward to after my shift was finished; I hadn’t received any in days.

Something was wrong with Rose and I didn’t know how to get through to her.

When I asked she would explain it away as being distracted. There were times I felt like she would tell me, hearing her breathing picking up in pace, a sentence started but then abandoned and then she would say goodnight and hang up.

I didn’t know what to do and I was finding it hard to focus on much else when I wasn’t on shift. It was only a couple of days until she would be back at Court with Lissa, but I didn’t know if I could wait that long to get to the bottom of whatever had caused this distance between us.

“What’s up with you?” Christian asked, angling his body to face me.

I ran my hand down my face, “It’s Rose.”

He scoffed, “Figured that much out.”

“She’s been different lately and won’t talk to me. I’m worried.”

Christian pursed his lips, fiddling with his cutlery. “Lissa mentioned she was acting weird lately. Apparently, if she isn’t on shift she spends all her time in the basement or her room.”

That information just made me feel worse. Something must have happened, some memory must have returned and Rose didn’t want to talk about it. My stomach dropped at the possibility of which memory it may have been.

I clenched my jaw, curling my fist in frustration that I had to wait for the weekend.

“Let's go surprise them.”

My eyes snapped to Christian in confusion, “What do you mean?”

He gave me a look, “What do you think I mean? Let’s go to Bethlehem. You can find out what’s up with Rose and I can spend time with Lissa.” He stood from the table with a nod. I watched in stunned silence as he crossed to the kitchen counter and picked up his phone.

“You have meetings the rest of the week,” I reminded him. We couldn’t just up and leave. I was letting my personal emotions interfere with my work; despite how the fear clawed at me that something was wrong, there was part of me that was disappointed that I was allowing myself to be distracted from my duty.

I was met with rolled eyes, “What’s the point in dating the Queen if I can’t do what I want sometimes,” Christian pointed out, pressing dial and holding the phone to his ear. “Just accept we are going, okay.”

It was mid-morning when we left, after Christian told his secretary at the palace that he was going to Bethlehem for a couple of days and that, no, they can’t change his mind, we arranged a car and began our drive. I was in the back seat with him, with two other guardians in the front. While he wasn’t technically King, we were all aware of his importance to Lissa and his standing in the Moroi society, he needed to be heavily guarded.

I was surprised that he hadn’t fallen asleep as expected. Guardians were used to running on little sleep, but Moroi weren’t; after being up all day, I assumed he would take this time to rest. Instead, he sat beside me fiddling with something in his hands.

He caught me watching him; a slight flush on his cheeks and ears, and scowled, “Shut up.”

I was used to his temperament now, simply raising an eyebrow in question. I knew he would explain what was on his mind if you waited patiently; something Rose had yet to figure out.

He grimaced before holding his hand out to reveal a small box. “I was going to give it to her over her Spring Break but then the accident happened and she was worried about Rose… it never felt like the right time.”

Not needing to open it, I could already guess what was inside. “Is this why you offered to go visit them?” I asked with an amused smile.

“Part of it—I’m worried about Rose, too—I just can’t keep holding on to it. So, I figure while you take care of your stuff maybe I can work up the courage or something.”

I couldn’t help but ask, “Wouldn't it have been easier to ask at Court?”

He shook his head, glancing back down at the box, “Everyone is always watching us there and we can’t be ourselves. At least at the house, I can do it and not worry about what the others will think.”

A smile pulled at the corners of my lips, nodding in understanding. I rested my hand on his shoulder, “Good luck.”

xXx

Rose POV

The pen spun between my fingers, a habit I had developed in these classes over the years apparently. When I first did it, I wasn’t even thinking about what I was doing, but Lissa’s face lit up at the familiar action. Her eyes were on me now but it wasn’t because she was excited.

I had been distant since I relived my heart breaking. I couldn’t talk to her about it and I didn’t want to talk to Dimitri about it either. I should, I knew that, but I was just so angry and hurt that I couldn’t get the words out past all the emotions that would come to the surface each time.

They hid it from me—Dimitri kept it from me.

I understood that they wanted my memories to return on their own, but surely he should have mentioned this one.

It was hard to move past it; like when my other memories returned, I was reliving the pain all over again. I felt every bit of the rejection and hurt from hearing those four words. Dimitri almost destroyed me, and I think it was on purpose.

How could the man I loved with all of my heart do such a thing to me?

And what was worse was I didn’t know when he did it.

I wanted to believe that it was a long time ago and we had obviously moved past it. 

Dimitri loved me now. Right?

But then why didn’t he tell me?

“Would you look at that,” Caleb smirked, “she’s wearing her Dimitri face again.”

I raised my eyebrows at him, a small frown working its way onto my face that caused him and Lissa to share a look. I shook my head, turning away to scan our surroundings.

Lissa’s hand tentatively covered mine, “How is Dimitri?”

I shrugged, shoulders hunching as I became defensive. She must have known about what he did, there’s no way that she didn’t; if Dimitri broke up with me I would have told her. I had a hazy recollection of bits and pieces, moments where I felt jealousy towards her, along with more anger.

I kept seeing us in a garden—the one Dimitri took me to at Court—and her warning me to leave him alone.

I should ask but I was scared that I would find out Dimitri didn’t want me and that he and my best friend had been hiding that from me.

I pulled my hand from hers, muttering, “I don’t know.”

I couldn’t avoid this forever; we would be back at Court this weekend and I would have to face Dimitri. 

Until then, I was going to silently seethe and nurse my wounds. Then once I was ready, I would confront them about it.

Blinking rapidly against the bright sunlight, I scanned the area for threats. Staying in guardian mode was the only way to prevent me from becoming lost in my thoughts of Dimitri. 

Classes were finally over for the day and we would be returning home. Lissa had some business to take care of for the Council so I could look forward to a relaxed afternoon of standing watch as she worked and not having to answer her questions.

“Hey, Rose! Wait up!”

I quickly placed my body between Lissa and the student racing toward us. I recognised him from our other classes; Caleb pointed him out once and mentioned that he had a crush on me. The only time he had approached me after the crash, his eyes were focused on my scar the whole time.

Making small talk was not what I wanted to do right now. As he approached, another student from our class asked Lissa a question and so I was stuck.

“Man, I swear you guys always walk so fast,” the guy commented once he reached us. My eyes flicked to Lissa, making sure she was okay; Caleb was keeping a close eye on her. Looking back at the guy, I struggled to remember his name.

I pressed my lips together in a forced smile; dreading that I had to maintain the appearance of being a normal college student. I couldn’t cause any scenes here. “What’s up?” I asked, hoping it was a question I could just bullshit an answer for.

“I’m going to the bar tonight, Wednesday is half price shots. Want to come?” His eyes shone with hope, then darkened with blatant lust as his eyes dragged down to my chest.

A sudden laugh escaped me that he thought he had a chance with me; then regretted it when an excited look passed over his face. I opened my mouth to turn him down when Lissa suddenly screamed beside me.

Forgetting him, I spun ready to protect Lissa from danger but she had disappeared from her spot beside Caleb; I was about to yell for her when I realised none of the guardians were concerned. My eyes tracked her in time to see her throwing herself into Christian’s arms.

I relaxed for a moment, only to stiffen when I realised if Christian was here then so was.. .

Looking just past his shoulder, brown eyes met mine. Dimitri.  

I was so used to the giddy feeling I would get whenever I saw him, and yet this time, my stomach twisted painfully and a weight settled on my chest that made it hard to breathe. 

Love fades. Mine has.

It felt like a gut punch. The words hit me again and my heart clenched. My anger burned within as I stared at him, but I kept all of the emotions off my face. If I was wrong, and he had rejected me recently, then I had been an idiot this whole time. I’d been telling him how much I loved him all while he was just playing a part.

Dimitri’s steps faltered at my reaction, the hopeful expression on his face falling when I didn’t move to him; remaining at Caleb’s side as we watched Lissa’s back.

“Wow, she’s happy to see him,” the guy I was speaking to commented, still beside me. His body was angled towards me, trying to gain my attention back.

“He’s her boyfriend,” I replied in an impassive tone. I cut him off from asking more, “We have to go.” I nodded at Caleb and then at the other guardians that were watching from afar. 

As we walked to join Lissa, Caleb nudged me gently with his elbow, giving me an encouraging look, “You can say hi to him, I’ve got Lissa.”

“I’m on duty,” I replied firmly and loud enough that both he and Dimitri heard me. This was not the reaction they expected and I wasn’t about to explain why.

Dimitri took the hint, his own mask coming up, stepping back to guard Christian. I could feel his eyes on me but I couldn’t look back, I knew if I did, I would want to say something and I didn’t want to cause a scene in the middle of campus.

“We should move to the cars,” I urged Lissa once she detached herself from Christian. More looks were sent my way but I ignored them all, remaining professional as we walked to the car park.

I didn’t speak the whole drive home, choosing to sit in the passenger seat beside Lev while Caleb was in the back with Lissa. Christian and Dimitri in their own car. 

I wasn’t ready to face the emotions seeing Dimitri brought, and I definitely wasn’t expecting him to just show up out of the blue. I was meant to have time to figure this out. I thought I might get lucky and some other memories would return that would explain everything. Something to tell me that I was remembering it wrong or it was just a misunderstanding.

How do I even confront him about this? I thought I finally had him back but now I may lose him again.

“You’re welcome to stay down here and take the afternoon off,” Lissa announced once inside the house, Christian’s hand in hers. Caleb thanked her with a teasing grin while I groaned internally; guarding her was my only excuse for putting off talking to Dimitri.

“Are you sure? I thought you had a lot of work to do?”

Lissa shot me a bewildered look, “It can wait until tomorrow.” She took a step towards me, giving me a soft smile as she whispered, “Maybe you two can talk. I know there’s been something on your mind. I’m sure Dimitri can help.”

I crossed my arms, noting the surprise in her eyes when I pulled away. “It’s fine.”

Lissa eyed me, a little taken aback at how cold I was being. She nodded, shooting a look behind me before disappearing up the stairs with Christian. 

The others shifted on their feet awkwardly now that we were in silence. 

Chelsy stood off to the side, eyes flicking between us. Clearing her throat she nodded at Caleb and me, “Well, I guess you two get an early afternoon. Keep your radio near just in case, the others on shift will watch the hallway.”

We all voiced our understanding; slowly the others moved past me further into the house until it was Dimitri and me. An uncomfortable tension settled between us as we stood in the hallway, Dimitri by the front door, studying me as if deciding how best to approach.

He moved towards me, “Rose–”

“I am going to check the perimeter,” I declared and spun on my heel, heading towards the back door, discarding my bag on the table and continuing outside. I couldn’t avoid the conversation with him here, but I wasn’t going to discuss it inside where everyone could hear.

I took a deep breath of fresh air, taking a second to compose myself. I hoped that he remained inside rather than following as I walked down the stairs to the grass; feeling annoyed when his footsteps sounded behind me. 

My mind was buzzing with everything I wanted to say, all of the questions that I kept asking myself, and all of the emotions that wanted to come out. Searching the grounds, I made my way over to the large oak tree. It would be far enough from everyone that they won’t hear us, and still give me a place to hide if Dimitri leaves me broken.

My jaw clenched as my hands curled into fists. I won’t let him break me; if it’s true then I won’t let him see the damage he’s caused. 

I kept my back to him, reaching out to the tree, pressing my hand against it to ground myself.

“Roza,” he whispered, the name tugging at my heart but it only made me feel worse.

Love fades.

“What’s wrong?” Dimitri asked.

Mine has.

I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing back the tears that welled up in my eyes. I’ve cried too much over this already.

I heard him take a step closer. “Did… did you remember something?”

I whipped around to face him, no longer guarding my expression. My voice was cold when I replied, “What do you think I remembered, comrade?”

Dimitri's face dropped. He knew. “I–”

I cut him off, “Were you ever going to tell me?” 

His eyes pinched as regret and guilt covered his face. “Please, let me explain,” he pleaded.

“And what bit are you explaining? The part where you lied to me? Or the part about you not loving me anymore?” I asked, my volume rising with each question, “Do the others know? Is this just some big joke you have all been laughing at? Look at Rose, she can’t remember that her boyfriend doesn’t even want to be with her!”

He stood there, mouth agape. Shaking it off he took a step towards me but I shifted back to be out of reach. Hurt flashed in his eyes but I didn’t let it break through my anger. “That’s not—Rose, that isn’t what happened.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why has this been some big secret?” I demanded.

“If you just let me explain–”

I threw my hands out, “Why didn’t you tell me, Dimitri!”

“I tried to!” he defended, then paused to take a breath. Dimitri looked up at me, eyes imploring as he explained, “I know I should have but I didn’t want to put you through that pain again. When I was restored, everything—it was overwhelming and I was tormented by everything I did to you in Siberia, everything I–” his voice broke, expression pained.

I faltered, though the rage was still simmering below the surface, “This happened after you were restored?”

“Yes,” he confirmed, his expression broken, raw emotions being displayed. “I made a mistake. I thought I couldn’t love after I was changed back—all I felt was the guilt. I thought I was protecting you when I…”

“You thought hurting me was the way to protect me?” I stared at him in disbelief, “Is that why you kept it from me all this time? Are you trying to protect me again?” I glared at him. There was part of me that knew I wasn’t being fair. I knew now this happened years ago; I could remember enough small moments that told me we have been together since then, so clearly, we worked things out.

But even as the pain of being rejected fell away, the anger of it being hidden from me took over. After watching me struggle through so many painful memories, he chose to keep this from me. They all did.

Yet when I looked at him, his expression gave me pause. It was the same expression I had seen on his face constantly these past weeks; I had always assumed it was to do with what happened when he held me captive in Siberia but it was more than that.

He had tried to tell me the truth but each time, I had encouraged him not to because I didn’t like seeing him so distressed. Now I understood the guilt wasn’t just because of what he did when turned, it was from what he did to me after.

He took a tentative step toward me, relief on his face when I didn’t move back, letting him take my hand in his. “Please, believe me, I regret pushing you away and I’m so sorry that you had to remember it this way.” His words were sincere, his shame shown clearly in his eyes. 

“You should have told me,” I repeated, my voice weaker than before as tears filled my eyes, “To remember it and feel that… I still don’t even remember it all. What happened after or—or how we got back together,” I felt myself deflating, the anger leaving me. “I couldn’t help but wonder if you even love me still.”

“Roza, of course, I do!” he defended vehemently, “I love you, I never stopped, I swear. I was just…” The pain was fresh for me, yet the strain in his voice was too raw and broken to not be something that still plagued him. “I’m sorry.”

My hand came up to cup his cheek, feeling him press into my touch and take a shaky breath as if savouring it. 

“I know you are,” I admitted to him, easing the frantic look in his eyes. “But even now that I know this happened years ago, it doesn’t feel that way to me. Each memory I get, I’m just reliving it all like it’s the first time. It’s just so difficult and confusing, and I–”

“I know,” he replied. Feeling more confident, his arms wrapped around me and pulled me close, “I should have told you from the start.”

I scoffed, “You think?” I wasn’t going to let that slide. I stepped back and gave him a hard look, “Are there any other big secrets that you haven’t told me? And don’t try to spare my feelings because it just makes everything so much worse.”

Dimitri shook his head, “No,” then paused, “Well, there are some things about when we got back together. I want to explain it all to you, and why I did what I did.” His eyes dropped to the ground between us, brows furrowing, “I was afraid to tell you the truth, foolishly thinking that if I didn’t say anything then it didn’t happen.” 

“I’m still really mad at you,” I warned him, watching his body tense, so I clarified, “but only because you didn’t tell me.”

“I know.”

“And you are going have to tell me how much you love me, often, for a while.”

The corners of his lips twitched up in a small smile, “Of course.”

“You have to tell me everything, comrade. No more protecting me from my own past,” I urged, catching his eyes so he knew I was serious.

With a nod, his head slowly dipped to press his lips to my forehead, as if he worried I would pull back again. “I love you, Roza.”

Chapter Text

I wanted to stay outside for the conversation, the warmth of the sun gave me some comfort so I sat at the base of the tree, encouraging Dimitri to do the same. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was glad to finally get answers to fill the holes in my memory.

Dimitri’s hands were clasped in his lap, brows furrowed as he thought. Finally, he turned and began to talk, “When I was restored, I was confused by everything. I didn’t know… Remembering everything I did, especially to you, I just couldn’t face you. I thought you would be better off without me and so I tried to make you stay away from me.”

A lump formed in my throat. This was going to be hard to hear, just as much as it was for Dimitri to retell it; his voice wavered and his eyes refused to meet mine.

“You were dating Adrian at the time and I thought that it was best for you—that he could make you happy. So I told you that I didn’t want you anymore,” his voice broke, weighed down by his own regret. 

“Then the best thing I can do is to stay away from you. That’s the best way to repay the debt.”

“I… I saw you in a cell,” I recalled, a hazy image of watching him behind bars playing in my mind. It wasn’t clear, each time I attempted to focus on it, it would slip away, but I could feel the emotions it brought. I bit my lip when it started to quiver.

Dimitri tilted his head to look at me, emotions filtering across his face. His hand moved to clasp mine, gently squeezing it. “Yes, somehow you found a way in. I should have known you would.”

“You didn’t want to see me.” It wasn’t a question. I knew it, the realisation of it hurt.

“No.”

We became silent, both needing a moment. 

It was a lot to take in and accept the fact that he had pushed me away, but when his hand squeezed mine again I was reminded that somehow we managed to find our way back to each other. As upsetting as this all was to learn, we had already moved past this.

That thought eased the pain in my heart.

“How did we get back together?” I asked, covering his hand, drawing his attention back to me.

Dimitri’s eyes were unfocused, blinking to escape whatever memory he had become lost in. “It… it was when we broke you out of jail.” He cleared his throat, “That was when you punched me after we kissed. You were trying to leave the hotel we were hiding in and I wouldn’t let you. When you kissed me… well, it was the start of me remembering just how much I missed you,” he finished with a small smile on his lips.

My eyes widened, surprised, but at least now that memory made sense.

“Slowly, things started to change for me and I wasn’t being consumed by my guilt and I could feel things again,” he turned to me, affection shining in his eyes, “Feel things for you again. I thought my ability to love was gone but you brought it back. You brought it all back,” Dimitri confessed, hand moving to cup my cheek. His eyes were focused on my face, wide in amazement. It was like he was in awe, taking in my features as if I weren’t real and would disappear at any moment. 

“There’s been so many times that I wished I could redo it all. That I could make it right. There was a selfish part of me that wished that, maybe, the reunion at the academy could have been what you remembered happened instead. That I went straight to you and told you I love you.” His eyes glistened with unshed tears, regret shown plainly on his face. “I would give anything to change what I did, to give you what you deserved.”

A tear slipped from my eye, his thumb caught it as it ran down my cheek. Part of me wished for that too, to not have been rejected and had my heart broken. 

A question kept pushing to the front of my mind, though I was hesitant to ask. Taking a breath before I asked, “If I was dating Adrian when you were restored,” I began, forcing the words out, “what happened between me and Adrian?”

Dimitri’s lips pressed into a thin line, “When I realised I was still in love with you, you were still with him. After what happened with Victor, I confessed my feelings for you. I–”

“That I do still love you.”

I looked up at him in surprise. “I remembered that,” I told him, “It didn’t make sense at the time, I just thought…” A memory flashed in my mind, a blush covered my face. “Oh.”

His eyebrow raised, looking at me in confusion and concern, “What is it?”

A smile worked its way onto my face. “We slept together that night,” I whispered. Then the smile dropped from my face. “We slept together when I was still with Adrian.” 

Dimitri shifted uncomfortably beside me, eyes downcast. 

“I guess that explains how I end things with him badly,” I commented with a frown. I hated the idea of hurting Adrian, that I would do such a thing to him. 

“I regret that was how it happened, but I don’t regret being with you, Roza.”

My eyes fell to my lap, feeling guilt eat at me. I never thought I would be the kind of person to do that to someone I cared about. I couldn’t blame Adrian for not being a part of my life after doing that to him, even though I missed him, I realised it was my fault.

Dimitri’s arm wrapped around my shoulder, providing me comfort as he pulled me against him. There were no words that could take that guilt away and I’m glad he didn’t try to. 

While I regretted how it happened, I knew no matter what, Dimitri would always be the one my heart would choose.

After a couple of minutes, I rolled my head back to look up at him, finding his eyes already on me.  “Are you okay?” he asked, concern making the corners of his eyes pinch.

I released a long sigh, “I think I need a break.”

Shock pulled at Dimitri’s features, eyes becoming panicked. “What?”

My words replayed in my head, sitting up to take his hands. I guess he was still worried that I was angry at him. “I mean from talking,” I clarified. A smile worked its way onto my face, “We’re okay now, comrade.” I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, lingering for a moment before pulling back to see his relief.

Both of his hands came up to frame my face, pushing my hair back behind my ears. “Are you sure everything is okay?” he asked, searching my face. I kissed him again, hoping that would ease his uncertainty. 

“It’s okay. As long as there isn’t anything else you are keeping from me.”

Dimitri shook his head, “I promise, that’s everything.”

I shrugged, “Then we are all good.” A genuine smile spread over his face, arms looping around my back to pull me onto his lap, capturing my lips again and deepening the kiss. 

“I missed you,” he whispered against me when he pulled back, pressing kisses to my cheeks and forehead. “I love you so much, Roza.” Our lips met again, moving against one another with so much passion that it took my breath away.

I greedily took everything he gave me. Part of me had been scared that I wouldn’t be able to experience this again when I believed he didn’t love me anymore. Now it was a reminder of how much he loved me, the way his hands gently cradled my face, one moving down to rest on my lower back so I was held close. There was reverence in the way he touched me, how I could feel his love for me in our kiss.

I was amazed that I ever second-guessed it.

We broke apart only when the need for air became overwhelming, foreheads resting together as we caught our breath. “I love you, Dimitri, always,” I promised in a soft voice. A giddy feeling spread through me at the bright smile on his face; it was one of his rare ones that I knew he reserved just for me.

“Always.”

I dabbed a red lip tint on my lips, grinning at myself in the mirror as I practically bounced from the excitement. After a very heated make-out session in the backyard, Dimitri offered to take me out tonight. 

I was off duty now, and with Christian staying with Lissa, Dimitri wasn’t needed to guard him. Apparently Christian had a plan for making a special dinner for Lissa, and rather than watching them being grossly in love, we were going out.

Dimitri revealed that he made me a promise of taking me to my first bar when I turned twenty-one; he didn’t get a chance to before, so now he was going to make up for it. There were no classes tomorrow and Christian wasn’t returning to Court until tomorrow afternoon, so we could spend a night out having fun.

I sent Dimitri out of my room so I could get ready, wanting to wow him. I found a box of some fancy underwear when I was exploring my room during the week, deciding tonight was a great time to show them off. The black silk underwear was concealed under my black ruched dress, with long sleeves that left my shoulders exposed. The gathered material stopped just above my knees and hugged my body. 

There is no way I would have gotten away with wearing this at the academy, but now I was enjoying the chance to dress up. The anticipation of seeing Dimitri’s face made it all more exciting.

After fluffing my hair, I pulled on some black heels and grabbed my clutch, double-checking that my stake was in it, before making my way downstairs. Dimitri was in the kitchen talking to Christian as he cooked, while Lissa, Caleb and Lev were on the bar stools.

Caleb was the first to notice me, releasing a low whistle, “Damn, Rose. You make a guy second guess,” he teased, sending me a flirtatious wink.

The others turned to look at me. Lev grinned, Lissa agreed with Caleb, and Dimitri stood silently as his eyes moved down my body and then back up to meet my eyes. 

When he didn’t say anything, I faltered a little. I brushed a hand down the front of the dress subconsciously, “Does it look okay?” 

Seeming to break out of his trance, Dimitri was across the room and in front of me in a couple of steps. His hand reached out to brush my hair behind my shoulder, trailing the back of his fingers down the bare skin. “You look perfect,” he marvelled, eyes darkening with want.

Anticipation flushed through my body, feeling my cheeks warm. The things he did to me with just a look. I swallowed thickly, reminding myself that we were going out tonight and that I shouldn’t just drag him back upstairs. “You look pretty good yourself,” I complimented, giving him a once over with my eyes.

Dimitri still wore his customary duster but was in a nice black button-up, the top two buttons left undone. With dark washed jeans that were so tight, I swear they were painted on, I knew I would be staring at his ass for most of the night.

“Ready to go?”

I blinked up at him, realising that I had been staring. He gave me a knowing grin, a look of promise in his eyes. “I’m ready.”

The bar was crowded, more so than I had expected on a Wednesday night. Though as I looked around I realised we must be at a college bar and vaguely recalled the guy asking me out today mentioning there was a deal on Wednesday.

Dimitri kept his arm around me, almost like a protective shield, as we manoeuvred our way through the bar. I had been in bars before, but it was still exciting when I got to flash my ID before entering. 

We found a free table in the corner and quickly claimed it. The music wasn’t too bad, people mingling about talking in large groups, some watching a game on the televisions above the bar. I was a bit overdressed but I didn’t care. I knew I looked hot and I was enjoying all of the attention Dimitri was giving me.

He couldn’t keep his hands off me, eyes roaming my body. Whenever I caught him he would give me a warm smile that made my stomach do flips.

“What would you like?” He asked, eyes scanning the area around us. Guardian habits were deeply ingrained even when not on duty.

I squinted at the bar trying to decide. “I’ll have what you are having as long as it isn’t the jet fuel they gave me in Baia.”

Dimitri smirked. “I doubt they even have good vodka here,” he commented before pushing away from the table and making his way to the bar. Even with all the people in here, I didn’t lose track of him as he stood over a head taller than most. 

When he returned he carried two beers in one hand and a small black box in the other. I took a beer and looked pointedly at the box, realising it was a buzzer.

“I ordered some food,” he explained. 

I grinned up at him, this man truly knew me well. 

When he sat down he frowned. Before I could ask what was wrong, he reached under the table to grab my seat and pulled it closer to him until our thighs were touching. “That’s better,” he smirked, dipping his head to kiss me. It wasn’t too over the top considering we were in public but it still made my heart skip a beat.

Chapter Text

We were both on our second beer by the time the food arrived and our third when we finished eating. Sitting in our little corner pressed together, we were in our own world. It was the closest I’ve ever come to experiencing a normal date, it was like the ones I’d seen in movies. 

It was perfect.

Dimitri had relaxed, arm slung over the back of my chair, fingers twirling the ends of my hair as my hand rested on his thigh, drawing small patterns on the material of his jeans. He told me stories about his family and some from when he and Christian were still living in the house, and then we spoke about the future.

I never thought something like this would be possible when I was at the academy. Sure, I wished it would, but it seemed so far out of reach, and then he was taken from me.

To think I brought Dimitri back from something that was always perceived as the end and gave us a second chance.

Feeling bold, I leaned forward until there were no gaps between us, enjoying the way his eyes darkened, his gaze so captivating and completely focused on me.

“Are you having fun?” he asked, voice only loud enough for me to hear. The deep rumbles made me shiver just as his lips grazed my skin, moving against the shell of my ear.

“I am, but I can think of a way to make it more fun,” I teased, fingers now playing with the opening of his shirt, slipping between the pieces of fabric to stroke his chest.

“What do you have in mind?”

If Dimitri’s voice became any huskier, I would not be held accountable for my actions. I turned my head, peppering kisses along his jaw, “Are you sure you want to know?”

I felt the vibrations of his laugh, his hand that was resting on the table had dropped to my knee and was slowly trailing up my inner thigh. “I’m sure.” 

A large grin spread over my face, “Great!” I pulled back, watching as confusion and disappointment flicked across his face when I stood from the table. “We are doing shots!” I declared.

Dimitri groaned, shifting in his chair, arms folded like a child, grumbling, “That’s not what I had in mind.”

I pouted at him, pushing his hair back, “Poor comrade. We can do that later,” I promised with a sweet smile, then quickly made my way to the bar before Dimitri could try to change my mind. 

The bar was packed, with more people joining the crowd since we arrived; I had to squeeze in between people to reach the front. Unlike Dimitri who could be easily seen, I was harder to notice. 

I took a moment to look over their menu, trying to decide if I wanted a mixed shot or something straight. While Dimitri would be able to shoot straight vodka back easily, I wanted to mess with him and make him drink the one with the weirdest name.

I could feel people brushing by me as they moved around, ignoring them until I felt a hand press against my lower back. My body tensed, already knowing that it wasn’t Dimitri.

“Rose,” a familiar voice slurred behind me, their hot breath blowing against the side of my face, the strong smell of alcohol on it. Grimacing, I stepped back to put space between me and them, turning to find the guy from my classes. “Don’t you look sexy,” he drawled, eyes blatantly checking me out.

“Hey…” I trailed off, unable to remember his name again. He smirked, shaking his head.

“Henry,” he puffed, leaning in closer again. There were so many people that it was hard to get further away.

“Mind backing up,” I asked. I didn’t want to ruin the good mood I had going by causing a scene, hoping that he would take the hint. A lustful grin spread over his face, taking another step closer and putting his arms on either side of the bar so I was trapped.

“Why,” he purred, head tilted, “would I do that?”

My hand twitched, curling into a fist. He was really ruining my night. “Move away from me before I make you.” There was no point playing nice, he was too drunk to pick up on the hint.

He threw his head back and laughed, eyeing me like he thought I was harmless. “Rose, I knew you would show up. Knew you couldn’t resist.” His breath made me cringe, feeling disgusted by the smell and his proximity. “Don’t worry, baby, I won’t hurt you.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” I retorted.

As soon as he dipped his head down, angling his lips to cover mine, my hand shot out and slapped him across his face. His head snapped to the side, the resounding smack being heard over the music and conversations at the bar.

Henry stood still, slowly blinking as he tried to comprehend what had just happened. 

Before I could push him out of my personal space he was yanked back and replaced by a pissed off Dimitri. “What the hell do you think you are doing!” He demanded, using his height to tower over Henry, his hand gripped Henry’s collar, using it to push him further away from me.

Henry stumbled, a look of aggression in his eyes as they flicked between us. It seemed that he was very drunk because he stalked up to Dimitri and shoved him back. “What the fuck is your problem!”

The patrons around us were all watching, some looking eager to see a fight break out, others irritated. I noticed the bartenders eyeing us, trying to decide what to do.

Dimitri threw his arm out protectively, hand resting on my hip, as he warned, “Stay away from Rose, she isn’t interested.”

Henry scoffed, not standing down, “She can tell me herself. Who the fuck are you anyway?” 

I pushed past Dimitri, “My boyfriend. And I’m not interested, stay the fuck away from me!” No point trying to be subtle about it, I never wanted him that close to me again. I gripped Dimitri’s hand in mine, we had definitely gained more attention than I wanted, squeezing his fingers I gestured to the door, “Let’s go.”

Dimitri gave me an apologetic look before shooting Henry another glare and leading me away. We stopped at our table to grab our things and then went outside. 

While the bar was full of people, the surrounding streets were fairly empty, only a couple of college students wandering around.

“Are you okay?”

I looked up at Dimitri, giving him a reassuring smile, “I’m okay, comrade. I am going to kick his ass if he comes near me again,” I pointed out. His brows furrowed, a stormy look swirling in his eyes.

This was not the mood I was aiming for. I was going to get us some shots and then take him back home and have my way with him, maybe not even wait that long to do so. Everything was going so well.

Dimitri’s eyes were clearer now, not under the haze of alcohol anymore while I was still feeling the buzz. Instead of being relaxed as he was before, his body was tense and posed for a fight; not that he would beat up a human, I knew he just didn’t like another guy trying to kiss me.

“Do you want to head back?” Dimitri asked with a sigh, hand rubbing at the back of his neck.

“I have a different idea.” There must have been something in my tone—that or Dimitri just knew me that well—he turned to me with a dubious look. I shook my head with a laugh as I dragged him by our clasped hands, “You need to relax again before I take you back to my place.”

A playful grin worked its way onto his face, easily giving into me as I guided him down the street, “What do you have in mind?”

A wicked grin grew on my face, “Just a little walk.”

A gasp escaped me when my back met the trunk of the tree, laughter spilling from my lips as I gazed up at Dimitri. His eyes shined with amusement and affection, even in the dim light I was so taken by them. 

His hand curled around my waist, his warm touch a stark difference from the chill in the air. I slipped my hands up his broad chest and under the material of his duster, warming my hands and being able to feel the strong muscles of his shoulders as he pulled me closer.

“You look amazing, Roza,” he whispered, head dipping to catch my lips with his, putting so much passion into it that I was left panting. 

We had managed to find a park, with the cover of darkness and the trees surrounding us, no one could see us. Not that Dimitri would be willing to actually do anything here, it was still a rush to see his more playful side. He wasn’t in guardian mode, looking for possible threats; he was completely focused on me.

“I need to take you home,” he growled, hands dropping lower.

As much fun as I was having, I wanted to do more. “Yeah,” I breathed, “we should go.”

“You aren’t going anywhere.”

We both froze. Our eyes met for a second before Dimitri released me and slowly turned, keeping his body in front of mine. I would be annoyed that he felt the need to protect me again when I could take care of myself, but I recognised what he was doing, providing me cover to retrieve my stake from my clutch.

I glimpsed over his shoulder, catching sight of the two Strigoi a few feet from us, their eyes glowing in the dim light. 

It was a male and female, I couldn’t see well enough to tell what they were before being turned or how old they might be. Either they didn’t realise we were dhampirs, or they just didn’t care. While our blood wasn’t as good as Moroi, we were better than humans.

Hoping that Dimitri blocked their view enough, I carefully slipped my feet out of my heels; the dress was going to be a bitch to fight in but it was doable.

“I want him,” the female smirked, eyes racking up and down Dimitri; the male didn’t appear disappointed when he focused on me. 

My hand went to Dimitri’s back, snaking under his duster and retrieving the stake he kept concealed. “Be careful,” I whispered under my breath. Placing the stake in his hand just as the Strigoi rushed us.

As promised, the female went straight for Dimitri, hearing her gasp in surprise when he managed to deflect her and send her tumbling to the side. She might have been caught off guard but now the male was more cautious with me.

I was right about being restricted by my dress, struggling to get any kicks in with how tightly it clung to my thighs. When the Strigoi attacked I could block his hits but I couldn’t dodge back out of reach, his punch getting through my defence and connecting with my temple. The force knocked me off my feet, landing on the hard-packed ground, the rocks cutting the skin of my legs and dirtying the dress.

For a moment, I wasn’t in the park anymore—I was in an alley, the rough cement cutting up my bare legs. Dimitri was there but he was fighting a different Strigoi; there was something different about him—something about Dimitri that felt darker, more desperate.

I was brought back to the present by a foot kicking my side, making me cry out in pain. My body was sluggish, still lost in the fog of the memory as more returned, like pieces clicking together. 

The weight of another settled over me. My body moved on its own, with enough sense to bring up my hands to try to knock the person off.

“Dimitri!” I shouted.

“Dimitri!” I yelled. “Come help me. I need you!”

I didn’t have my stake, lost somewhere on the ground. I could only struggle against the Strigoi, praying that I could hold him back.

Suddenly his weight was lifted and he was thrown to the ground beside me, Dimitri covering him. The light glinted off the stake before Dimitri slammed it down into the Strigoi’s heart. His horrible, blood-curdling scream echoed around us and sent me straight back into the memory.

Dimitri’s painful grip on the stake in his hand as he pulled it out of a Strigoi’s chest—and then stabbed again. And again.  

I had never seen that look in his eyes, my breath caught in my throat.

I jumped forward, hands wrapped around his arms, pleading, “He’s dead! Let it go. Please. He’s dead.”

A hand cupped my cheek, tilting my head back to find a bewildered expression, Dimitri’s eyes searching mine, “Roza? What are you talking about?” 

I blinked up at him, clearing my head. I wasn’t in an alley. I was in the park.

Dimitri wasn’t towering over the Strigoi anymore but by my side, fingers brushing over the bump forming on my head from the punch. “Are you okay? Do we need to go to the hospital? Roza?”

“It’s never enough, Roza,”

I squeezed my eyes closed at the onset of memories, the sorrow and desperation they brought stirring within me. There was so much pain but it wasn’t mine—it was Dimitri’s.

“Your hair.”

“My hair…” I breathed, eyes opening and locking with Dimitri’s, finding concern and confusion.

“What? Your hair is fine. It’s–”

“...it’s beautiful,” I finished. Remembering our conversation from the alley, how he was on the edge of losing himself again but I had managed to bring him back from the edge just as he had done for me many times before.

The words gave him pause, recognition crossing his face. A finger brushed a lock of my hair, “Your hair is beautiful.” There was reverence in his voice, gratitude towards me that made my heart skip a beat. After a moment, he broke the trance we had fallen into, glancing around us. “I have to call this in. Will you be okay?”

My body ached, head feeling full from both the memories and the steady thumping of pain that made me wince when I nodded. Dimitri helped me to lean against the tree that we had been making out against not long before.

After instructing me to keep my eyes open, eyeing me as if I was about to do otherwise, he pulled out his phone and called the Alchemist.

Dimitri tried to encourage me to go get checked over by a doctor, a lingering fear he held about something happening from another head injury. I waved him off, arguing that I was fine after sitting for a while. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

I doubted I had a concussion, not passing out from the hit. If I wasn’t so distracted by the memories returning I would have been able to fight off the Strigoi. 

That and if I wasn’t wearing this stupid dress that was now ruined.

Chelsy drove us back from the park, arriving when the Alchemist did; after they had finished conversing, she ushered me back to the car. She eyed me in the rear view mirror when I refused the hospital, ordering me to take the next day off and to see a doctor in the morning. With both her and Dimitri hounding me for it, it was easier to give in than to fight them.

The house was quiet when we arrived, I gingerly walked through the hallway to the stairs with Dimitri’s duster around my shoulders and my heels dangling from my fingers. I must have looked quite the sight, Caleb and Lev both lounged on the couch—looking extra snuggly—both sat upright with shocked expressions. 

“What the hell happened?” Caleb questioned, eyes flicking between Dimitri and me; Chelsy slipped away as soon as we entered.

Not feeling up to recapping everything, I shrugged and feigned disbelief, “College bars are dangerous.” I bit back my laughter as their jaws dropped. Dimitri shook his head but didn’t correct me, just placing his hand on my back.

“Let's get you cleaned up,” he insisted, encouraging me towards the stairs.

My knees hurt to bend, the torn skin stretching painfully and the fabric of my dress rubbing against them. Without a word, Dimitri’s arms went around my back and under my legs, scooping me up and continuing up the stairs. I didn’t bother complaining; I liked being in his arms too much and was too tired to say otherwise.

He carried me to my bed, gently placing me on the mattress before disappearing into my bathroom and returning with a wet cloth and the small first aid kit I had kept under the sink.

Pausing in front of me, his finger curled under my chin, tilting my head in the light. His eyes pinched as his frown deepened, “I wish you would see a doctor.”

I tried to meet his eyes, having to squint from the bright light; I might not have a concussion but I had one hell of a headache. “I’m fine. Really,” I added at his dubious expression. “I just need a pain killer and sleep.”

“Roza–”

“If it gets any worse, you can take me to the nearest hospital,” I argued.

His eyes narrowed in suspicion, “Do you promise to tell me the moment it gets worse?”

“Cross my heart, comrade.” It wasn’t the exact words he wanted but he accepted them, dropping to his knees on the carpet so he was able to work on my legs.

As he worked on cleaning the dirt and blood from my skin, I absently played with his hair. I kept thinking of the look on his face in the alley when he called my hair beautiful—the one thing he could find.

“Did you want to talk about it?” I was caught off guard by his question, zoned out. I cocked my head in question. The corner of his lips twitched, “About what you remembered. Did you want to talk about it?”

My fingers returned to his hair, caressing a lock and running down the length of it. “I think I’m okay, I remembered most of it this time.” I paused, eyes focusing on his, “Do you think that’s a good sign?”

A warm smile grew on his face as hope blossomed in his eyes, “I think so.”

Chapter Text

Sleep came easily that night. Dimitri sat beside me, latest Western in hand as he maintained a watchful eye over me, promising to wake me again in a couple of hours. After the third time he woke me and I was feeling better, he gave in and let me sleep the rest of the night.

It was almost midday when I woke up again, stretching out on my bed only to wince from my injuries. Dimitri had covered the worst of them but there were scratches going up my calves. My side and head still hurt, though it was a dull ache now compared to the night before.

The sounds of water running alerted me to where Dimitri must have disappeared to, steam seeping out from the partially opened door. He was always prone to long hot showers, standing under the spray for half an hour.

Rather than waiting for him to finish, my stomach demanded food so I climbed out of bed and made my way downstairs.

As I got closer I heard voices from the kitchen, overhearing the tail end of their conversation. 

“...I’m sure she loved it.” Lev’s voice reached me first, hearing his excitement.

“Thanks. She just keeps staring at it in the sun now,” Christian chuckled, turning the corner to see him sitting at the table with a satisfied look.

I nodded at Lev in greeting and then pulled a face at Christian, “Eww. It’s so creepy when you’re happy.”

He shot me a look, and then a grin spread over his face, “Joke all you want, you can’t piss me off today.”

“Why?” I asked, grabbing cereal and a bowl from the cupboards, “Are you trying to challenge me? Because if you are, I’m not going to back down.” 

His cheerfulness stayed strong, looking happier than I had seen him in a while. He puffed out his chest, “I’m sure Lissa would rather be the one to tell you.”

I slammed my hands on the countertop staring at him in surprise, “No way! Did you actually build up the courage and ask her?”

He looked taken aback and then a scowl pulled at his face, “Did Dimitri tell you?”

I scoffed, returning to my breakfast. “Dimitri didn’t tell me shit. I’ve been watching you pussy foot around asking her for months. I’m honestly glad for her sake that you grew a pair and finally asked.”

He made a sound that was crossed between offended and surprised. “I haven’t been–” he cut himself off when I laughed. I shot him an apologetic look but couldn’t keep the smirk off my face.

“Oh, look, people,” Caleb commented as he came to join us in the kitchen. I noted the look of affection he shared with Lev, biting my lip to not mention it. I would wait until we were alone. “What are we talking about?” he asked, taking a seat at the table with the other two.

“Well,” I started, picking up my bowl and walking around to perch on the edge of a bar stool, “I was just pointing out that I was glad Christian got his shit together and asked Lissa to marry him.” I tilted my head, “She did say yes, right? Otherwise, this is awkward.” 

“Yes, she said yes,” Christian retorted, then grumbled, “I haven’t been planning it for that long.”

Another laugh escaped me. “Please, we have both been waiting for it to happen,” I pointed out, gesturing between Caleb and me. My eyes lit up when a thought occurred, “Did you pass out?” Caleb started to laugh but then the sound was abruptly cut off and he was giving me a bewildered look. I shrugged it off, focusing on my cereal again.

The padding of feet made me look up as another person joined us. Dimitri was in a shirt and loose pants, dressed relaxed because he wasn’t on duty until later. His damp hair hung around his freshly shaven face, just staring at him made my body flush with want. We never had the chance to do anything last night and I felt the sudden need to make up for that.

His eyes met mine, doing a once over of my legs and then the bruise on my face first; a warm smile was on his face but I could tell it was strained from concern. He never used to get so worried when I would be hurt in a fight but I couldn’t blame him for doing so now.

Despite that I was relatively fine now, I had almost died in that crash, and then there was everything that happened after.

“Did you tell Rose?” Christian accused, drawing Dimitri’s attention from me. 

He cocked his head, “Tell her what?”

I groaned, placing my bowl down on the counter, “I already told you he didn’t, I figured it out. You aren’t sly fire boy!” I pointed out, returning the gesture when he flipped me off. “Besides, you told Lissa you had an important question.”

“I’m surprised you remembered that,” Caleb commented off-handed. 

“What? Of course, I remember it. It was–” I paused. How did I remember that?

The rest of the room became quiet though I wasn’t focused on them. I couldn’t remember that conversation before, and yet now, I could. I could even remember the days leading up to it.

It was strange, after so long living with just bits and pieces and a whole lot of nothing in between; now the blank spots were filled and I didn’t even notice it. There was no warning, I didn’t feel a random pressure or feel the weight of it returning; it was just there.

It was all there.

“Holy fuck,” I whispered.

I could remember my trials, cutting the ropes on the bridge. I remembered the guardians filling the cafe and Dimitri fighting them to protect me. I remembered sitting in the library beside him as we imagined all the places we could visit. I remembered Lissa assigning me to a part of her Royal Guard.

I remembered everything.

“Rose?” My eyes snapped to Dimitri’s, he was now in front of me, eyes pinched in concern but there was also something else; the smallest hint of hope. “What is it?”

My hand wrapped around his arm, my head feeling light from the realisation. “I think…” My mouth became dry. 

The words were so loaded, my chest constricted from all of the emotions running through me. These last few weeks had been a constant roller coast of events running high off so many emotions. The fear that I would never regain what I had lost was a constant pang in my heart, never releasing even when some memories did return.

It was like a weight had been lifted and I could breathe.

“I think I can remember.”

The words hung between us, sounding deafening even though I spoke softly. A thick atmosphere settled, the apprehension that it wasn’t true.

Dimitri licked his lips, body so still that I wondered if he was breathing. “You remember?”

I tried to think of something that would convince him, something I hadn’t been told about. “When we were on the run, we stayed in a tent. I remember when I woke up you were laying against me. I stopped breathing because I couldn’t believe it was actually happening, it was like a piece I had been missing returned. I wanted to kiss you so bad,” I admitted, inching closer. I watched the hope in his eyes shine brighter, his expression morphing from disbelief, to shock, and then to rapture. 

I looked at the others in the room, “I remember Christian setting fire to the kitchen when cooking, and I remember putting frogs in Caleb’s bed. And–” My words were cut off by Dimitri’s lips covering mine, so much desperation and passion in his kiss. At first, I was surprised by it but I easily relaxed against him and snaked my arms up to wrap around his neck. 

“What’s going on down here,” Lissa’s voice chimed in, breaking the moment between us. Dimitri pulled back from me, the tips of his ears red. “I thought it was meant to be my day for being really happy and grossly in love,” she teased.

“Apparently it’s her day too,” Christian replied in disbelief.

“What do you mean?”

I jumped down from the bar stool and rushed to Lissa, pulling her into a hug, “I remembered stuff!” 

Though she was confused, her arms came up to return the hug, tilting her head when I pulled back. “What do you—what happened to your face?” Her eyes widened.

“Oh.” I forgot she wasn’t up last night, my fingers brushing over the small bump on my forehead, “That doesn't matter. I remember!”

Her brows furrowed, eyes still on the bruise, “Remember what?”

“Liss, I remember.”

“Yes, but what do you–”

I could see the moment it all clicked, the realisation lighting up her eyes as a giddy smile broke on her face.

“You remember,” she breathed.

“And you’re engaged!”

Lissa paused for a moment, her mind having to process my words again; eyes darting down to her hand. Her expression changed to a love-sick look, a fondness in her eyes when she looked over at Christian. She brought her hand up so I could look at the new ring that adorned her finger. 

It was elegant but not over the top, just as Lissa liked. The gold band fit her perfectly, the metal wound together like two ropes with small diamonds embedded around the circular emerald stone that sat in the middle.

“Wow, Christian has taste,” I teased, cackling at the offended noise I heard from the table. “Guess we are matching now.” As soon as the words left my mouth I felt Dimitri freeze behind me as I had a moment of realisation. 

I’m engaged.  

Slowly, I turned on him, eyes narrowing at the guilt that covered his face.

“You.”

Dimitri cleared his throat, “I can explain.”

Eyes darting around the room, I decided I didn’t want to discuss this in front of others, I gripped his wrist and marched out of the room towards the stairs. “If you’ll excuse us, I’ve just remembered that I need to have some words with my fiancé.” 

There was a responding chuckle from the room, Christian calling out, “Good luck Belikov!” 

“She’s going to murder him!” Caleb laughed, making me snort. He wasn’t far off.

I felt his eyes on the back of my head as I dragged him upstairs, wisely knowing to wait until we reached my room to speak.

As soon as I had the door closed behind us, I punched him in the stomach. It wasn’t hard enough to do damage but Dimitri exhaled sharply from surprise. I placed my hands on my hips, scowling at him, “You said you told me everything, you dick!”

Hand rubbing his stomach, he straightened, “Roza, it was like you were 18 again, I didn’t want to overwhelm you with that. You would have panicked.”

I scoffed, “I wouldn’t have… okay fine, yes I would have.” My anger flared again, my fist striking out and connecting with his arm, “You should have told me, ass.”

“I’m sorry.”

“We’re engaged and you don’t mention it!” I demanded. It wasn’t until I saw Lissa’s that I was reminded of my own rock-star ring that I kept at Dimitri’s apartment. I was too paranoid of losing it here, deciding that it would be safer at Court. “I told you–”

“I know,” he admits, catching my hands with his, preventing any more attacks. “I know,” he repeated as he stepped closer to me, now towering over so I had to tilt my head back to see his face properly. “In my defence, you told me I wasn’t allowed to mention marriage until there was two in front of your age, and for all intents and purposes you were eighteen.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “You are not allowed to use my own words against me. You have to make it up to me now.”

“Anything, Roza.” His arms wrap around me again, pulling me up against his body, lifting my feet off the ground. His head lowered to rest in the crook of my neck, a deep sigh of relief leaving his chest. When his breath hitched I squeezed him tightly. “I’ll do anything, as long as I have you,” his voice broke, becoming shaky, “I missed you.”

My heart broke. Dimitri vowed that he would love me even if my memories didn’t return and I believed he would, yet he would have lost a part of me, just as I had. 

“I missed me, too,” I joked to try to cheer him up, feeling his breath when he huffed a laugh. 

After a couple of minutes, he lowered my feet back to the carpet, pulling back only enough to see my face. “Are you sure you remember everything?”

I caught my lip between my teeth as I contemplated his question. “I think so.” There wasn’t any way for me to really know. It felt like it was all there, I could recall different events and connect the moments between them. It wasn’t like before when there would be a memory but with no ties to it.

His warm hands cupped my face, staring at me as if we had been apart for months, “I love you so much, Roza.”

A large smile covered my face, “I love you too, comrade.” My eyes strayed to the bed behind us, then back up at him with a flirtatious look, “Want to see what else I’ve remembered?”

Returning to Court, it was like looking at everything through new eyes. While I remembered things now, I could also remember how new everything was after the accident. My confidence in my place here was renewed. After weeks of feeling so lost, it was nice to be comfortable in my own skin again. 

Once I had informed the rest of my team that my memory had returned there was a collective sigh of relief; it turned out everyone was holding the fear that it wasn’t coming back.

My parents were both ecstatic, promising to visit me soon. There was definitely going to be a talk with them in the future about how they first acted, especially how Janine spoke to Dimitri, but I could understand to an extent.

Both Dimitri and Lissa would ask small questions about an event from the past, seeming to need to double-check that I still had my memories. I indulged them both because it gave them ease of mind and it was a way to confirm to myself that it was there.

Some details were still fuzzy, confusing bits with others; but for the most part, it was all there.

The doctors at the hospital were pleasantly surprised, confirming my theory that they had low expectations for it all returning. Explaining it away as the brain was mysterious and dhampir healing genetics made anything a possibility.

Returning to Dimitri’s apartment after my appointment was a blessing. I always looked forward to coming back here when returning to Court. I didn’t work on the weekends we were here, able to spend the whole time with Dimitri living a semblance of a normal relationship with my fiancé.

“Are you hungry?” Dimitri asked, helping me out of my jacket, kissing the top of my head as he did so. His arms looped around me after hanging up my jacket and I leaned back into him, eyes closing as I breathed him in.

“Not really,” I replied. My hands travelled along his arms until reaching his fingers and intertwined mine with his. “I think I just want to lay in bed with you all day.”

He laughed, dipping his head down closer to mine, “All day?”

“Yep. All weekend even,” I turned in his arms to be facing him. His eyes locked on mine, so focused on me that I became lost in them.

Things were different between us now. There was a sense of reverence with each moment we had together, a need to not take it for granted. We were always vocal towards one another about our feelings, what happened after he was restored made sure of that, but now we were more so.

A loving smile pulled at the corners of his lips making his eyes crinkle. “That does sound good. Just you and me,” he breathed, walking me backwards towards the bedroom.

“Yep. Clothing optional,” I added.

That pulled a deep laugh, “Of course.”

My arms wrapped around his neck, lifting my legs at the same time his hands gripped the underneath of my thighs to be carrying me. “Maybe order some take-out in a couple of hours,” I offered, lips working up the exposed skin of his throat, “but otherwise, we don’t leave the bed.”

Dimitri hummed, kicking the bedroom door open with his foot and crossing the room in a few strides to reach the bed— our bed.  

There were so many small things that held so much more significance now. Things that I didn’t think twice about before but were now important to me.

Our bed, our room; the small objects that decorated the apartment that held a memory of our relationship. So many things I had forgotten that I cherished now.

Dimitri’s lips captured mine in a searing kiss, only breaking when he lowered me to the bed, “That sounds like a great plan.”

A grin spread over my face as he began to shed his clothes. “I’m known for coming up with those,” I teased. My eyes ran over his form, greedily taking in the sight before me. I rose to my knees to reach for him, fingertips dragging down the firm muscles of his stomach. 

“Should I continue making it up to you, Roza?” Dimitri purred, lowering his hands to the bed to trap me between his arms.

I was not against that plan, my body tingling with want. “And this time when we wake up,” a coy smile on my lips, “I promise to not say someone else’s name.” Dimitri’s expression dropped into a scowl as I laughed, unable to help myself from teasing him. I was suddenly pulled up against him, shifted on the bed to now be on my back as he hovered over me.

“I need to get you back for that,” he smirked, eyes holding so much promise of how he intended to do so.

My hands lifted to cup his face, thumbs stroking his cheek. There was so much love in his eyes, an endless affection for me, something that I would never doubt again. “I love you, Dimitri. Always.”

His expression softened, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips before pulling back to meet my eyes, “I love you too, Roza. Always.”