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"This isn't funny, Macaque." Wukong crossed his arms, glaring up at where the shadow monkey sat within a tree.
"On the contrary, I find this hilarious." Macaque leaned back, holding Wukong's staff in his tail, clearly pleased with himself. Wukong just glared harder.
"Do not make me come up there. You won't like what will happen if I do." He said, holding his hand out. "Staff. Now."
"...Fine." Macaque obediently tossed the staff back, and Wukong fumbled to catch it, sighing in relief once it was back within his hands.
Only for the staff to crack and split in half within his grip.
Wukong stared at the two pieces of the staff in shocked dismay, genuinely believing, for a moment, that he had somehow broken his prized weapon. That is, until he registered Macaque's laughter.
"Your face!" Macaque wheezed, leaning against the trunk of the tree he was sitting in to keep himself from falling over. Raising one hand, he snapped- and the glamour over the two pieces Wukong was holding fell away, revealing them to be nothing other than bamboo. "Get bamboozled bitch!"
Wukong took a deep breath, mentally composing himself.
And then he roundhouse kicked the tree.
There was a pause- then a crackle, and the branch Macaque was sitting on broke off of the trunk, tumbling to the ground, Macaque falling down with it, the shadow monkey letting out a high-pitched yelp as he fell. He was quick to pull himself back up off the ground, recovering far faster than any one else would, the real, shrunken version of the staff falling out of his pocket and being caught by Wukong as Macaque regained his balance.
"Do not. Pull that kinda stunt again." Wukong hissed, before turning and walking back up the mountain. Macaque blinked in bewildered shock as he watched the other walk away- before a wild smirk appeared on his face.
Oh. Oh this could be fun.
-
Just about two thousand years later, on an airship in the sky, after the arrival of two more demons onto the ship (a hot-headed one and a shadowy one specifically), Wukong dragged MK off to the side to talk.
"Listen- MK, I need you to listen to me." He said, making sure MK was paying close attention to him by placing his hands on top of his successors shoulders. "You can't trust Macaque. He's a real life bamboozler."
"...You know I was about to agree with you." MK started, "But. Monkey King, what the actual fuck does that mean."
"Just know that you can't trust him. MK promise me that you won't trust him."
"Okay, fine! I promise!"
"Good."
And that was that. Wukong patted MK on the shoulder, then turned and walked away, leaving his confused successor alone in the hallway.
...He wasn't alone for long however.
A hand reached out of the darkness behind him, grabbing onto the back of his jacket, pulling him backwards through the shadows.
He popped out in the storage room, stumbling, whirling around, readying himself to fight- Only to find Macaque calmly leaning against the wall, looking practically bored.
"Hi there kid." Macaque said, completely ignoring MK's bewilderment. "Here, catch."
MK caught what was thrown at him with one hand, looking down at it to find a small piece of bamboo.
"Feeling bamboozled yet?" Macaque snickered, and pieces of a puzzle MK hadn't even known he was looking at suddenly snapped together.
MK snorted. And then burst into laughter, Macaque's smirk going wider as he realized that MK found this specific joke just as hilarious as he did.
"Oh!" MK said, "Oh, so that's what he meant!"
"What, did he try to warn you about me being a bamboozler or something?" Macaque asked, tail wagging in amusement went MK confirmed it with a nod. "Well, in that case, he's probably already suspects that I'm up to something...Which is why you're here."
"Huh?"
"I need you to help me prank your mentor in the funniest way possible, kid." Macaque asked, before holding his hand out for a handshake. "What do you say, are you in?"
MK looked at Macaque's extended hand. Then back at the bamboo.
Well. Technically MK had promised that he wouldn't trust Macaque. He hadn't said anything about working with Macaque.
MK shook Macaque's hand.
"I'm in."
The way it worked was simple. MK would distract Wukong with a question, or some other attention grabbing thing, and Macaque would use the opportunity to swap out something beside the Monkey King with bamboo. Every time, as soon as Wukong would notice the bamboo, he'd instantly crush it in one hand, before turning to look for the shadow monkey that he knew was responsible.
He could never find him.
(MK's shadow, as it turns out, is an incredibly good hiding spot.)
Even MK himself had to admit, it was hysterical to see his mentor constantly get befuddled by finding that something around him had been replaced with bamboo. He made the same reaction of dismay, closely followed by confused anger, every. Single. Time.
Nothing beat the expression he got when Wukong saw him twirling a bamboo stick, however.
"MK. Where did you get that." The Monkey King didn't even sound angry, just completely and utterly defeated. MK hummed, faking obliviousness.
"Get what?"
"The- the bamboo stick. Where did you get it."
"Oh, this?" MK stopped twirling the stick, holding it out for inspection. "I found it."
"Found it."
"Yep!"
"...Nobody gave it to you?"
"Nope!"
Wukong didn't look like he believed him. To be honest, MK probably wouldn't have believed himself either.
Still though, Wukong seemed like he was about to back down, leave MK to his own devices (which, as it happens, was going to be hiding more pieces of bamboo in random areas around the ship) when MK's shadow shifted.
Wukong wasted no time, whipping out a flashlight (since when had he had that?) flicking it on and shining it over top of MK's shadow, a laughing Macaque almost immediately tumbling out of it. MK barely managed to dodge to the side as his mentor tackled Macaque, the two monkeys rolling around on the floor, attempting to get the upper hand.
"What's going on?"
MK jumped as Sandy, attracted to the scene by the noise, appeared behind him.
"Ah- it's just a little fight over something stupid." MK said, and Sandy hummed, contemplating, before walking over to the two wrestling monkeys, grabbing each of them by the back of their clothes, and holding them up so that they were dangling off the ground, separated from each other. Macaque pretty much instantly went limp, like a new born kitten, while Wukong continued struggling, trying to reach over to kick or scratch Macaque.
"I hate you! You got my successor into bamboozlement- I'm going to kill you!"
"Like, how would you kill me?" Macaque asked, looking far too proud of himself with his arms crossed. Wukong hissed, trying harder to reach him- probably, no, definitely with murderous intent. Sandy held them a little further apart.
"Hey now, there's not going to be any killing on the ship." Sandy said, voice more calm than it should be considering he was holding an incredibly angry immortal monkey in one hand. "That was rule number one, remember? Nobody dies on this journey."
Wukong slumped, some of the fight leaving him.
He still glared at Macaque however.
"Can't I just kill him a little bit?" He asked, sounding hopeful.
"Not even a little bit."
"Dang it."
-
Wukong let out an aggravated sigh, falling back onto the forest floor. There'd been a slight bout of turbulence, and, unfortunately, he'd ended up getting knocked off. And without his cloud, he had no way of getting back to the ship. So, he had to wait for the others to find him.
Wukong hated waiting.
What made it even worse was that he wasn't alone.
"You know, I bet if we made some kind of giant commotion, the others would find us sooner." Macaque said, from where he was leaning up against a tree. "It's such a shame that I can't change into my smoke monster form because of the Lady taking that portion of my soul while I was captured."
"If you're trying to make me feel pity for you, it isn't working." Wukong lied, sitting back up and faking an angered expression. Macaque held his hands up in self defense.
"I'm just saying, a giant smoke monster would definitely help them find us way faster." Macaque leaned forwards, a smirk appearing on his face. "Or, y'know, a light monster would also work just as well."
This time Wukong's glare was real.
"I don't use that form anymore Macaque." He said, crossing his arms stubbornly. "I'm sure they'll find us eventually."
"Hm. If you say so." Macaque leaned back, the perfect figure of relaxation.
And then he pulled a piece of bamboo out of the shadows, lightly tossing it up and down. Wukong's eye twitched.
Without saying a word, he stomped over, catching the bamboo while it was in mid-air from Macaque's throw, and destroyed it. In response, Macaque pulled another piece of bamboo out, holding it in his other hand.
Wukong grabbed it and turned, throwing it into the woods.
By the time he spun back around, Macaque had a piece of bamboo in both hands, as well as one being held by his tail.
Wukong's eyes had turned red.
"Where. Are you getting the bamboo from."
"What? Does my endless source of bamboo bamboozle your mind?" Macaque asked, watching patiently as Wukong's fur bristled, sparks of light starting to appear.
"Macaque." Wukong hissed, "Where are you getting the bamboo from."
Macaque stood up, standing in front of Wukong.
"As long as anger rests within your tormented soul. Infinite amount of bamboo I shall hold." He said-
And then hit Wukong over the head with one of the pieces of bamboo.
Something in Wukong's mind seemed to snap.
Macaque shielded his eyes as there was a bright flash of light. When he opened them again, Wukong was in his giant light monster form, growling.
"What the fuck does that even mean?!" He picked Macaque up in one giant hand, the grip almost bone crushingly tight.
Macaque belatedly had to admit. Maybe this hadn't been the best idea.
Still though, he was already in too deep to back out now.
"It means what it means." He said, "In this world, nothing is without meaning, and the meaning that bamboo holds is incredibly clear."
"Please stop speaking in riddles I can't do this-" Wukong sounded almost on the verge of angry tears. Macaque couldn't help but feel a little bit bad form him.
Not nearly bad enough to stop though.
"Why? Is the bamboozlement too much for your pebble of a brain to comprehend?" Macaque asked- immediately closing his eyes as Wukong outright roared in frustration.
At this point, he expected Wukong to throw him. He could handle it, he'd had worse falls.
What he wasn't expecting was to be set on the ground, the slam of a cage the size of a prison cell landing on top of him, trapping him. Bewildered, he stood up, before inspecting his makeshift prison's bars.
He snorted.
"Isn't this kinda hypocritical?" He asked, tapping on the bamboo bars.
"R E L E N T!"
-
MK and the others did manage to find them in about 10 minutes. Surprisingly enough, Wukong being in his light monster form did help. They'd been searching in the complete wrong direction, and had only turned back around when they'd seen the make shift light show.
That didn't mean Wukong wasn't any less pissed however.
Red Son felt a chill go down his spine as Wukong placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Red Son. Dearest Nephew." Wukong said, an evil smirk on his face. "I need you to help me with something."
"...Yes?"
"I need you to find Macaque's bamboo stash." Wukong's eyes glinted red in the light of the ship. "And burn it to the ground."
From where he sat within Mei's room, Macaque's ear twitched.
"What's up?" Mei asked, not even looking up from the game she and MK were playing.
"He's trying to wrap Red Son into burning down my supply." Macaque said, "Not that he'll ever find it anyways."
"Why not?" Mei asked, she had been watching the whole bamboozlement saga take place, but hadn't really gotten any of the behind the scenes info until now. MK let out a little laugh, already knowing the truth.
"That's because it doesn't exist." He said.
"Wait- what do you mean it doesn't exist?" Mei glanced back and forth between the both of them, confused.
"Well, you see..." Macaque said, "The truth is, I stopped using real bamboo ages ago."
"What?"
"I mean sure, I throw the real thing in every now and again just for the fun of it, but as it stands, all the bamboo I use are just bits of magic paper that looks and feels like the real thing." Macaque pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, crumpling it up, before lightly blowing on it, the paper transforming to look perfectly like bamboo. He tossed it to Mei, who looked it over, trying to find any flaws, only to find none. "Honestly, I'm shocked he hasn't realized it by now."
"...Still though." Mei said, setting the fake bamboo down on the floor. "Even if it's fake, Red Son will still be able to find and burn all the paper you use to make it right?"
"Well..."
Almost as if on cue, Red Son burst into the room, slamming the door shut behind him, before flopping onto Mei's bed.
And immediately bursting into laughter.
"I can't- oh he's going to be so pissed when he finds out I'm the one supplying you with that magic paper." The fire demon said, completely oblivious to how Mei was staring at him, shocked.
"You- Am I the only one that hasn't been fully in on this operation?!" Mei asked, sounding genuinely offended.
"...Maybe." MK said, sheepishly looking down. Mei fixed them all with a glare as they avoided her gaze- and then her eyes softened, a wild smirk appearing on her face.
"Well, from now on, you can count me in."
In the kitchen, carefully pouring tea into a cup, Wukong shuddered. Pigsy looked over at the Monkey King in concern.
"You alright?"
"Just-" Wukong started, then cut himself off, contemplating.
An evil smirk grew on his face.
"I'm just peachy, actually."
-
Macaque woke up the next morning to find a singular peach set outside his door.
Warily, he picked it up, turning it over.
A single sticky note, with a drawing of Wukong's smirking face on it, greeted him-
And then a bucket of cold water fell down on his head.
Macaque sputtered, regathering his bearings as his body grew accustomed to the temperature shock. Faintly, he could hear the Monkey King's cheeky laughter.
Oh.
Oh no.
This meant war.