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“So it really is the end, huh?” I asked, as I attempted to wriggle out of my chair. The Immortal Snail had gotten its henchmen to capture me, after years of us playing an everlasting game of cat and mouse. “Mop,” the slimy fellow responded. “Oh c’mon, I know you can talk normally. You’ve been chasing me for two million years, and you think I don’t even know that you can talk? Gee, pathetic..” I remarked. The Snail groaned at me, before trudging over to me with a photograph in-hand. It was our first year together, taken from afar. The Snail had snuck up on me as I was having icecream by myself. I didn’t have anyone else. My family had kicked me out. I had no chance of getting a partner. My only friend was an icecream server named Evan, who I did business with whenever I felt like a sugary treat. Even though I was running for my life, I felt a tad less lonely. As the years went on, I gained a friend. “Ahem,” said the Snail as it cleared its throat. “It’s been a good two million years, hasn’t it? With each generation that passed by, a new one arose in its place. The universe is kind of repetitive, in a sense. Ever since the creation of humanity, people have been fluctuating in and out of this planet. Everyone lives, everyone dies. No one makes a lasting impression on the planet, a reputation that they can constantly uphold..” the Snail looked into my eyes with a loving expression I hadn’t recognized. “..Besides you, that is. Your Name, you’ve been there for me since 2021. Whenever I needed an exercise, you were on the move. Whenever I needed someone to observe, you were doing who knows what. If I'm being honest, I even caught you looking at some pretty gnarly rule 34. Even if you have some odd preferences, you’re honestly pretty adorable. With your investing eyes. Your dazzling hair. Your almost non-existent pores. Your Name, I can’t tell if I envy you or if I love you.”
I felt my face heat up, my eyes wide as I processed what the Snail was saying. After all this time, do they really love me back?! “Snail.. Are you saying what I think you’re saying?!” I asked, shaking in my chair with excitement. Although as I felt a security laser burn into my skin, I calmed myself down. Even if I’ve felt that pain a thousand times before, it was still so intolerable. “Your Name.. As much as I love you, I can’t let this get intrude on my duties. Once you finish burning in the fiery pits of Hell, just say my name. I’ll be here, waiting for you.” said the Snail. “Snail, wa–” before I could finish my sentence, the snail locked lips with me. Their tongue tasted like pure bliss, something I haven’t tasted in awhile. These two million years of pain, suffering, and loneliness all led up to this moment. As I felt flames burning into my skin, I knew it was my time. It was worth it, though. I got to kiss my beloved Snail, even if it hadn’t lasted long. “We’ll finish this, I know we will. I just have to stay strong and endure the pain,” I thought to myself as I felt the sensitive, tender feeling of a first-degree burn mark my skin. You’re mine, Snail. You always will be.