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From the moment of their first eye contact, Renjun already felt a tingling feeling inside his stomach. Down the staircase of the oldest building in their university, their first conversation happened. The talk revolved around the class attendance and something about pairing up for homework, but all Renjun could feel were the silly butterflies tickling his insides. He did not understand a word Jaemin said, but he gave him his number so they could talk more about the assignment.
The exchange of messages went from the discussion of the project to their favorite singers, assessing their compatibility through zodiac signs and MBTI personality, finding out their similarities, and where they differ. It went to conversations about their family and how they cope with their daily life struggles. They began messing up with their sleep schedule just so they could talk more. First crushes, first love, first kiss which they both have never experienced, they talked about all sorts of things.
It was the first spark of romance; at least the first one Renjun had ever experienced. Na Jaemin, to him, was perfection. The warmth that a quilt provides on a freezing night. The first peek of the sun during the dusk, and the orange tinge of it at dawn. The song that he plays on repeat because it keeps ringing inside his head. The first sip of coffee in the morning mixed with the sweet smell of pancakes wafting from his mom’s kitchen.
Renjun began hanging out with him a lot. From the exchange of good mornings in the corridors, the lunch breaks in the cafeteria, and the walks home in the afternoon, he shared with Jaemin. On weekends, they would meet for a coffee “date,” or a walk downtown to window shop. It would consist of playful banters, tickles on their sides, laughters brought upon by the silly inside jokes, unconscious arm linking, and lying down on each other’s laps.
They spend every day in their own little world, ignoring all the stares and teases that they would get from their friends who have no idea what was going on between them. It was just Renjun and Jaemin, Jaemin and Renjun. It was crazy how two juvenile minds relate to each other on some type of level. Even the most trivial things could be considered as essential information when it comes to someone you are infatuated with.
Renjun finds himself taking notes of Jaemin’s favorite things: breakfast food, perfume scent, hobbies, and colors. Jaemin, on the other hand, would study Renjun secretly, observing him from his peripheral vision, making a mental list of everything that Renjun likes. Jaemin would find himself smiling like a fool when he catches the older one staring at him, or during the night when he replays their conversations inside his head.
As time passed, the linking of arms turned into hand-holding, fingers intertwined, while walks turned into movie dates and amusement park rides. They have learned the comfort that a hug can bring, and the bloodrush that happens when one leans in for a kiss, although both of them would stop before it could actually happen. Breathing in each other’s scent, looking deeply into each other’s eyes, they slowly fell through a free fall, without them realizing how their worlds revolve and hearts were beating only for each other.
It was maddening how they both tried to keep their feelings to themselves by laughing it off when they were caught slipping up, or playing their sweet nothings off as a joke when they actually meant every word that they said. Like when Renjun almost kissed Jaemin who was napping in the library, but pretended to blow on his nose instead when he suddenly opened his eyes. Or when Jaemin snapped when he caught some guy trying to get Renjun’s number one day at the cafeteria.
A confession of love happened at midnight while on a drive to the nearest convenience store. It involved coffee and donuts on the hood of Jaemin’s car while love songs from the radio were playing from inside through the open windows. The moonlight on Jaemin’s face highlighted all his features that Renjun deemed to be perfect.
Renjun’s thoughts were spiralling and his racing heartbeat was not helping at all in trying to keep his feelings at bay. His eyes were glued on the most beautiful person in the world, who was currently licking sugar powder off his own lips and staring at the rising full moon. He swore that every time he looked into Jaemin’s eyes, he could see the whole universe in them.
Jaemin met Renjun’s eyes at one point, letting the stare linger, before unconsciously closing in the distance between them. Renjun held his own breath as Jaemin’s hand caressed his cheek, eyelids almost closing, lips slightly agape.
Jaemin scanned Renjun’s face, looking for any hint of doubt and uncertainty. But Renjun's eyes were just focused on Jaemin's, pupils fully dilated, already willing to give in. Jaemin's thumb ghosted over Renjun’s lower lip which Renjun responded with a strange breathy sound. The corners of Jaemin’s lips twitched upwards upon the sight.
It was now or never, and all Renjun could think of is getting closer to Jaemin. So he did and pulled the younger’s hand, dived in, and let their lips touch. It was light and careful at first, getting used to the new kind of feeling both on their mouths and inside their chests.
It was like a delusion as they felt their head spinning, or like a shower of pixie dust now that they could not even feel their feet. Jaemin began to experiment and started to move his lips around, Renjun following the former, savoring the sweet sensation and letting himself melt in the younger’s arms.
It was magical, passionate, and nerve wracking for some reason. No words were uttered as they pulled away, Foreheads were touching as they both tried catching their breaths. Their eyes met again, but with the intensity like never before. They exchanged smiles and giggles, leaned in again, and let their hearts speak instead.