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Shutting the door to his bedroom behind him Street felt the smile slip from his face as he forced back the sigh that wanted to escape. He was already acting odd recently. The last thing he wanted was for Luca to overhear him and try to get him to talk about what was bothering him. After the looks he had been getting throughout the day he knew he was on thin ice.
Except it hadn't just been throughout the day. It had been going on for a little over a week and no matter how hard he tried to get himself together he couldn't. Something that wasn't going to change until he got the image of his friend laying on the ground gasping for breath while blood pooled under him.
Luca was fine. It had been a through and through in the shoulder. After getting stitches he had been able to leave the hospital and go back to work even. He wasn't able to go out in the field just yet, but that wasn't going to last for much longer. He really was perfectly fine. Nothing to worry about at all. Something Street had told himself over and over.
If it had been anyone else on the team than he would have been able to shrug it off already. It would have sucked that a teammate had gotten injured, but it wasn't major and they would recover quickly. That was the best news that any of them could ask for given one of them had gotten hurt. It was always best to look at the bright side in situations like that.
It wasn't just anyone though. It was Luca. There were a lot of words that he could use to describe his friend. Most of which he would never say out loud. No one needed to know how he really felt about the older man. That would only end badly for everyone involved. It was better if he just kept his mouth shut and kept going like nothing was wrong. It wasn't as if he hadn't been doing that practically since he met the man.
That was the first time he had ever truly seen his friend hurt though. That split second of pure terror that filled him was a feeling that he was never going to forget. It didn't matter that everything turned out okay in the end. Not when he had been so sure that he was going to lose the most important person in his life.
Ever since then he had been getting looks from Chris, Tan, and Luca. Like they knew that there was something off, but were waiting for him to say something to them. It was a song and dance he knew all too well. One that he honestly failed at more often than not. It sucked and he hated it, but that was what happened when people cared.
Still he had been glad to finally have a day off. Away from the team and away from those looks. He would finally be able to get his act together and stop worrying the team about something that he was never going to tell any of them. It might not be the best plan, but it was the only one he had so it worked for him.
At least that had been the plan. Then he got the message from Hondo saying that Deacon and his family were going to have a barbecue. As soon as he had read that text he had known that he couldn't go. It was one thing to get those looks at work, no one could really question him there, but at the barbecue there was no telling what would happen. So he decided to beg out.
He had never been the most social person, something the team was fully aware of, and it had been the first day off any of them had in awhile. It wouldn't be completely out of character for him to decide to not go. Especially since their last day off had turned into a team get together as well. No one would have questioned him.
At least that had been the plan. A peaceful day alone to read a book or watch tv or anything that involved not being around people. A much needed day of recharge. The team would understand if he needed sometime alone. Sometimes that was the only thing that any of them needed. All they had to do was say the words and they could have a few hours or days alone.
That was until he saw the look on Luca's face. The older man was one of the most extroverted people that he had ever met. He loved being around people. In fact, he had never met a person that liked being around people as much as his friend. That went triple when it came to spending time with the people he loved. He was always the first person to agree when it came to team meetups.
So when he saw that happy look on the mans face he knew that there was no way he could say no. Not after the way he had been acting. Not that he was really able to say no to Luca any other time. A fact that he really hoped no one ever found out about. He had already done enough things he didn't want to all because the other man asked. Not that he thought the man would try to abuse that power.
In fact he didn't think of it at all. Or he tried his best to never think about it. He did not need anymore heartache over the whole thing. Knowing that he was never going to get what he wanted was more than enough already. Which he told himself that over and over again whenever the thoughts and dreams and desires got to be too much.
The risk that came with everything he was feeling was too high. A thought he rarely had. He loved taking risks. It had gotten him into more trouble than he liked to admit, but that feeling of jumping feet first into a situation without knowing what was going to come of it was something he knew he could never live without. It was why it had been so easy for Buck to convince him to try for SWAT.
No matter what happened the risk was always worth it to him. Even if he failed doing what he wanted the knowledge that he had tried kept him going. Except when it came to Luca. The idea of losing the older man scared him too much to even contemplate what would happen if he told anyone about his crush. He had finally met a risk that was too high for him. And there was nothing that he could do about it.
Throughout his life Street had a few crushes on people that he either couldn't have or didn't want him. It was just a fact of life. Sometimes people didn't want you the way you wanted them. The only thing you could do was be an adult and deal with your feelings on your own. It felt shitty at first, but he was always able to push those thoughts and feelings away and move on. All in all he was fairly good at letting go and finding someone to occupy his time and sometimes his bed.
He couldn't do that this time. Not with Luca. Despite the fact that they weren't together, would never be together, it felt like he was betraying him. It was stupid and he was fully aware. That didn't change the way he felt whenever someone hit on him.
It was Luca though. A man that he saw every day. A man that he lived with. A man that had been right next to him throughout the last few years making him feel as if he could actually have the life that he always refused to let himself dream about. A man that loved to tell him how much he cared about him and treasured his friendship.
It had actually become a bit of a staple in their friendship. Luca loved to remind him how loved and cared for he was. It was as if he was trying to get him to believe he was worth those words. He could never tell if the man was lying or if he truly believed them. All he knew was every single time them it felt as if his heart was both breaking and healing at the same time.
Street knew that his friend was only doing it because he knew how much those words meant to him. How he had spent all of his life hoping that at least one person would say them and actually mean it. For anyone to love him the way that he so desperately wanted. Just to feel that lightness and hope once in his life. Just once.
A sigh fell from Street as he thought about that and everything that had happened since he met the older man. Something he probably shouldn't be thinking about but he was already well into the rabbit hole. He wasn't going to be able to get out anytime soon. With any luck he'd be able to spend a little extra time tomorrow in his bed putting his heart back together before he saw the other man.
Which, thinking about it, was probably the worst plan that he could come up with. The last thing he should be doing was spending time thinking about his friend in not very friendly ways. He should be thinking about the team as a whole and how he was going to convince them that the was fine.
It was a little easier with Deacon and Hondo. Even when they knew that something was wrong they were more likely to give him time to figure it out on his own before pushing. Tan, Chris, and Luca, on the other hand, were the type to push. They didn't do it in a mean or overbearing way. They just knew how likely it was for him to talk about the things that were bothering him.
It was weird to think about it. After all the time that he spent alone bouncing from foster homes and friends never finding a place that felt like home he finally knew he was where he belonged. He had people that wanted him to be around. That helped him figure out who he was and what he wanted from the life. It felt like a dream. That was the thing that he should be focusing on.
Yet every time he thought about the life that he was able to lead thanks to them and their support all he could do was focus on the older man and what he felt for him. He couldn't stop. No matter what he told himself he couldn't stop the desire and heartache that he felt every single time that he saw the man.
If he was honest he wasn't sure that he supposed to do. It was hard to explain but every single time he looked at the man he felt alive. Like he could finally breathe for the first time. Almost as if everything was falling into place and he was finally going to have all the things that he refused to let himself dream about. That feeling scared him more than anything.
He was never going to have Luca in his life the way that he wanted. The only place he had for him in his life was as a friend, a roommate, a partner. That was all they were ever going to be. The sooner his heart and his brain got on the same page with that information the better it would be for everyone involved.
Letting out a soft groan Street made his way to his bed and fell face first on it. Maybe if he was lucky he'd be able to just fall asleep and forget that anything was going on. A good nights sleep wouldn't fix everything, but at least he'd get a few hours of not thinking about Luca. Hopefully not thinking about Luca.
As soon as he was down though he was cursing at himself. How he had forgotten that he was still fully dressed he had no idea, but he was going to blame it on how exhausted as he was. Still, he knew that he wasn't going to be able to get up again. Not if he didn't have to at least. And he was hoping that nothing was going to try.
With that in mind Street rolled onto his back and kicked off his shoes with the last of the energy he had. He might be sleeping in his clothes but he wasn't sleeping in his shoes. There had to be a line somewhere. Shoes on the sheets had to be that line. It felt like a good line to have. Though he really hoped falling asleep in his clothes didn't become a habit.
Moving up the bed Street laid his head on his pillow counting his blessings that he had turned the light off before he laid down. The moon was full and bright so he hadn't thought he needed it. Now he was glad that he had done that. It would have been far worse if the light was on and he was so very tired and all he wanted to do was…
Just as he felt himself start to fade in to sleep he felt something start to buzz and jerk against his thigh. Jerking up Street scrambled to reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. He had been so close to falling asleep and finally being done for the day. It took a moment longer than normal for him to fiddle with it before he finally pulled up the screen up and saw he had a text from Chris. Rubbing at his eyes he sat up knowing he wasn't sleeping anytime soon.
Please tell me you're awake.
Am now. What's up?
Can you meet me?
Yeah. Just tell me where.
Before he even got a location from Chris he was out of bed and pulling on his shoes. It didn't matter how tired he was anymore. There was nothing he couldn't do if his friend needed him. That was one of two things that would actually get him out of bed no matter what he was feeling. He was going to get answers as soon as he found out if his friend was okay though. With a shake of his head Street grabbed his phone and keys before heading out of his room.
"Hey," a voice suddenly greeted as he shut his door, "Thought you went to bed."
"Luca," Street replied trying to keep his heart from pounding out of his chest, "I didn't see you there."
"It is pretty dark. Why are you still dressed? Are you going somewhere?"
"I'm just going to pick Chris up."
"She okay?"
"Her car broke down. She's fine. Just needs a ride. It won't take long. I'll try not to wake you up when I get back."
"Thanks. You sure you're okay? You sound a little off."
"Yeah, phone woke me up is all. I'll be back soon."
Before the older man could say anything else Street made his way out of the house sparing a pat on Duke's head as he left. For the second time that day Street cursed himself. He was supposed to be doing everything he could to convince his friends that he was okay. That conversation with Luca did not make it seem like he was okay. Not only that but he had gotten called out for it.
With a shake of his head Street started up his bike and quickly made his way to where Chris said she was a pit forming in his stomach. Something told him that what was about to happen wasn't going to be good for him. He couldn't believe he hadn't realized what was going on when he first got the message from her. The signs were right in front of them.
A part of him hoped that he was just being paranoid, but as he pulled up to an empty park he knew that he was right. The place was too far away from Chris' or any bars that she might have gone to. The only reason she had called him there was because it was empty and close to his place. Exactly what she'd want if she thought they needed to talk.
It would have been all too easy to just start his bike up again and drive away. Except for the fact that both Luca and Chris knew where he was going. If he just didn't show up they'd end up worrying and possibly calling the rest of the team and that would end with him having to have a conversation with everyone and not just with Chris.
Shaking his head at the situation he had been forced into Street climbed off his bike and started towards the lone shadow sitting at the edge of the table. Hopefully he'd be able to get it over with quickly and get back to pretending that everything was fine. It wasn't as if anything was going to change if he told his friend what was going on. It was just more him getting it off his chest than anything else.
"Chris," he said coming to a stop by the table.
"Hey," the woman replied sending him a soft smile.
"I'm guessing you don't just need a ride somewhere."
"No, I don't."
"Alright. Let's get this over with then."
A soft sigh fell from the woman as she patted the table next to her. With a shake of his head Street sat down. He knew that he was being a little dramatic about the whole situations, but he had done pretty good so far not telling anyone what was going on with him. It might not change anything telling Chris, but it wasn't something he really wanted to do either.
"Chris," Street shook his head looking over at her, "Please."
"Come on, Street," Chris shot back softly, "You can't keep doing this and you know it. It's not healthy."
"It's better than the alternative."
"Really?"
Looking down at the ground Street did his best not to look too guilty. He had figured that he wasn't going to get out of the conversation easily, but still had to try. Anything to get him out of talking about his feelings. Given the look on Chris' face he knew that she had been expecting that. He really was predictable in some cases.
A buzz started to itch under his skin at the look his friend was giving him. Shaking his head quickly he stood up and started to pace. Chris already knew that something was wrong. There was no point in trying to hide it from her now.
Anyway, maybe it was a good thing. He was tired of the weight that constantly pushed down on him. Every second of every day it felt as if he was being dragged to the floor by his crush and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. Maybe it would help if he said the words out loud for once in his life. Just once.
With that thought in mind Street quickly spun around knowing that if he thought anymore on it he would talk himself out of it. It was just Chris. She was one of his best friends. If anyone would understand what was going on in his head it would be her. Maybe she could even help him figure out a way to get over his crush.
All the things he wanted to say though died on his lips when he saw Luca standing a little ways behind the table. Feeling his heart drop to his stomach Street found himself taking a step back before he realized what he was doing. He watched a wounded look come to the older mans face as he made his way to the table and sat next to Chris.
Street opened his mouth wanting to say that he was hadn't heard Luca and was just startled to see him, but he couldn't bring himself to say that. Even if it was the truth he knew that wasn't why he did it. At the moment he felt raw and broken and seeing the man that was at the center of all his feelings made him want to run in the opposite direction. It was a childish response, but it was better than whatever came next. That didn't help with the worried and almost betrayed looks he was getting from his friends though. There was nothing he could say that would make the situation better.
"Hey," Street greeted hating how shaky his voice sounded, "What-What are you doing here?"
"I was worried about you," Luca offered his voice soft like it was when he talked to victims, "We were worried about you."
Looking over at Chris he caught the guilty look in her eyes as they dropped to the ground. He couldn't help laughing brokenly at that. He had known going in that the whole thing had just been a ploy by her to get him to talk, but now it was clear that it had been set up between the two of them. It was one thing when he thought that it was just Chris, but knowing that they had worked together hurt in a way he couldn't explain.
"I'm sorry, Street," Chris sighed filling the silence, "I know this feels extreme, but we really were worried about you. Luca was supposed to stay at home and let me handle it."
"I'm sorry," Luca cut in waving his hand towards him, "He was acting really weird when he left. I couldn't just sit at home and wait!"
Hearing the mans words take and almost desperate tone Street looked at the ground trying to stop himself from telling them what was wrong. It was one thing when he just knew that his friends were worried about him. It was something totally different to have them right in front of him and see how much he was hurting them. The last thing he had wanted was for them to be so worried about him.
Actually, if he was honest when he had first been considering joining SWAT he hadn't wanted for them to like him at all. It had been Buck that pushed the idea of the team being a family whenever they talked about it. He had brushed off that idea as soon as he heard it. For him the appeal of the job hadn't been the team. He hadn't wanted to have a 'team'.
That had been very different when he was younger. All he had wanted back then was to find a place where he felt like he belonged. He would have done practically anything just to find that one place he could call home. He had done some things he wasn't proud of because of that delusion. By the time the team came around he had become jaded to the whole idea of family.
Then he met them and his views had shifted. He hadn't expected that to happen. Despite everything that Buck had said it didn't seem real. There was no way that a group of strangers that were forced to work together would grow to becoming a family like that. The whole idea was like something out of a book. It wasn't real. At least it wasn't real for him.
Anyway, the other members of the team had known each other for years. It made sense for them to be close. Even if they had been strangers at first they had more than enough time to grow close. Them wanting him was laughable. It had already been proven that people just didn't want him.
That was the attitude that he had started his first day with. Although he made a point of not showing it. He was going to be around them too often for him to act like he didn't want to get close to anyone there. The last thing he wanted was for them to question whether he should be there because of something so stupid.
Then he actually got to spend time with them. No matter how he had felt going in meeting them and having real conversations had changed his mind. It didn't matter how he had planned on feeling he found himself wanting to be a real part of their lives after that. It was terrifying and he loved it.
At first he fought those feelings not knowing how he was supposed to handle them. He had never had to deal with them before. Was he supposed to enjoy it? Open his arms and heart to all of that? Or did he do what he always did and walk away acting as if he was unmoved? Question after question rolled in his head whenever he had enough time to stop and actually think.
Then he was around his team once more and all of the fears and worries were thrown out the window like they didn't exist in the first place. Honestly sometimes it felt as if all of his self-preservation left him completely when they were around.
"Street?" Luca questioned pulling him from his thoughts, "You okay?"
"Yeah," he replied with a shake of his head, "I'm fine."
"Are you? Really?"
"Yeah, I don't know why you're so worried about me."
"Street."
A shiver ran down his spine hearing the almost disappointed tone in the older mans voice. It felt as if he was letting them down and he hated that. It was one thing when they were pretending as if everything was okay. It was something else when they were actively calling him out. There was no hiding from that. Not that he wasn't going to try.
Although maybe it would be better if he hadn't. If he hadn't fight it or if he laughed it off maybe he'd have been able to get out of it. It was already too late for that though. He had made it clear to his friends that there was something wrong. The more he fought and denied it the easier it was for them to see that. He was too far in to do anything else.
"Street," Chris started standing up, "We don't want-"
"Stop," he cut her off turning to face them, "Just stop."
"You know we can't just stop. Not when you're like this."
"I'm fine."
"No, you're not," Luca cut in jumping to his feet, "You're not okay. You're not even close to being okay. Please stop lying and let us help you."
"You can't!"
Hearing his words echo in the painfully silent might Street turned from his friend and started to walk away. He could feel the wall he had built around himself becoming more and more unstable with every second he spent with the two of them. The cracks that had been forming since he saw Luca get hurt were raw and bleeding and it was just getting worse.
He couldn't handle it anymore. He needed to get away from everyone for a little while and get his head on straight. At the moment in time he didn't care about how he looked or anything like that. He needed to get away. He had no plan or real thought process as he kept walking. Nothing else mattered to him but getting away from people.
"Street!" Chris yelled after him her hand coming out to wrap around his shoulder, "Stop!"
"Let me go," he practically begged though he didn't pull away from her touch.
"No, you're not running from this. I'm not letting you run from this."
"Chris."
"It's not happening. This had gone on long enough. You've been acting strange for weeks and I'm tired of it. You're one of my best friends. I can tell when something is hurting you and whatever is going on is practically killing you. Please. Talk to us."
There was a desperation in Chris' tone that just didn't belong. That was not the type of person that she was. She didn't ask or plead for someone to give her crumbs. She knew what she wanted and if the person that she was with wasn't willing to give it to her than she was perfectly capable of walking away and moving on with her life. She didn't beg for anything.
Yet that was exactly what she was doing. All because of him and his stupid crush on Luca. What was hell was wrong with him? He was in a good place for the first time in his life and he was throwing all of that way because he liked someone? How did any of that make any sense?
Shaking his head he pulled his arm away and started to walk away once more. Maybe it was just putting off the inevitable but he didn't care. After he was able to think again he'd come up with a lie that made all of it go away. Or at least made it feel less like he was lying and betraying his friends. It was a Hail Mary, but he was willing to try anything.
"Street," Luca tried coming to walk beside him, "Don't run from us."
"I'm not running from you," Street denied instantly though he knew it was a lie.
"But you are running from something. You can't lie about that."
"It doesn't matter. Just give me a few days and I'll be fine. I promise."
"That's not how this works and you know it. Hiding your feelings away won't stop them from being any less true. You're just hurting yourself."
Clenching his eyes shut Street tried to ignore the urge to give in and tell him what was going on. Luca was right there and asking if he would tell him what was going on. He just kept pushing and pushing. With each question it was harder from him to remember why exactly he shouldn't tell him how he felt.
"Street!" Luca called out to him once more wrapping a hand around his arm and pulling him back.
Feeling something inside of himself snap Street spun around and grabbed the sides of the mans head pulling him into a desperate kiss. For a split second all he could feel was happiness at finally feeling the mans lips on his. After dreaming about it for so long he couldn't believe it was happening. He was finally kissing the man that he had fallen in love with. That was until he realized the man was frozen.
Pulling away slowly he stared into the blue eyes for a moment as the weight of his actions hit him. Feeling mortified he stumbled a few steps back his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find a way to explain away what he had just done. No words came to mind though. There was no other explanation for what he just did than the truth.
Shaking his head Street pushed past a still frozen Luca and dodged Chris to get to his bike. He had no idea where he was going to go but he knew that he had to get out of there before they snapped out of it and tried to get him to talk. He had already revealed too much. Hell, he had placed all of his cards on the table. There wasn't much more for him to hide.
Still, that didn't mean that he was ready to talk. He wanted to put as much distance between himself and that conversation as he could. Not that it could be all that much. Even if he didn't go home he still worked with Luca. There was only so long he could go without having to see him and talk about what happened.
Those thoughts plagued him as he started up the bike and sped off. Scenario after scenario raced through his head so quickly everything started to sound like static. He almost couldn't believe what he had done. After so long hiding how he felt one moment of weakness had thrown away everything that he had come to love.
Swallowing back the tears he felt pricking at his eyes Street turned another corner trying his best to force all those thoughts from his mind and focus solely on the road. Throughout his life he had found peace just driving around on his bike thinking about nothing. That was one of the reasons he had fallen in love with motorcycles in the first place. There was a freedom there. That freedom and peace had saved him on more than one occasion.
In his pocket he could feel his phone buzzing over and over. If it was any other time he'd pull over and answer it, but he knew that it was probably Chris or Luca trying to get a hold of him. At least that's who he hoped. There was a small chance that they had contacted the rest of the team and that thought terrified him.
It was bad enough that Chris had seen him make a fool of himself. The last thing he needed was the rest of the team to know as well. That thought made his stomach twist painfully. He was the newbie on the team still. If anyone was going to be forced to leave it was going to be him. He really could lose everything that he had.
There was a small part of him that wondered if it wouldn't just be better for him to leave now and avoid all the messy conversations that were bound to happen. He worked with good people. They'd all try their best to make sure that everything stayed the same, but it would fall through eventually until there was no choice but for him to leave anyway. Maybe it would be better if he just cut out the middle man.
He couldn't do that though. He couldn't just walk away. The team was the first place he had actually felt like he belonged. He had a home with them. If there was the smallest chance of keeping that he couldn't just run away from it all. No matter how much heartbreak that would save him in the future.
The buzzing in his pocket had finally stopped and for the first time since he started driving he felt himself relax. Maybe it was silly, but he felt like he could breathe now that it was gone. He was finally alone.
Forcing himself to take a shaky breath Street found himself looking at the streets around him. The sun was just starting to come up and he could see people leaving their homes for work while others got home from dancing all night long. It was so normal and mundane and exactly what he needed to push away his thoughts and let himself just drive around.
He had no idea how long he was driving around for before he felt he cell buzzing once more. Panic shot through him as he slowly pulled into a parking lot and pulled it out. The sun was fully up now so he knew it had been a few hours since the whole thing had happened. There was a chance that it had nothing to do with the kiss.
As he read the message from Hicks calling them in Street couldn't help but laugh. He knew that they were always on-call, but he had really hoped he'd have at least one day before he had to face Luca and what had happened. He didn't even have a full night. As bad as it sounded the only hope he had was for the case to be bad enough that they couldn't focus on anything else.
Still his heart sped up painfully as he pulled in and saw Lucas truck was already there. The idea that the whole thing had just been a lie to get him to come so the man could confront him popped into his mind, but he quickly brushed it away. The last thing any of them would do was pretend to have a case just to talk about something personal.
That wasn't to say that they couldn't talk before they got into the building. If he got there too early and they were waiting for the others to show up they'd have at least a little time to talk about everything that was going on. He knew Luca well enough to know that the man would take any free time to pull him aside and get him to talk. He couldn't let himself be caught. He had to get into work. That was the only safety that he was going to get for the next few weeks. He hoped.
"Hey, Street," a voice greeted from behind him as he shut his bike off.
He knew that it was Deacon talking almost instantly yet he still found himself tensing up painfully, like it was too late for him. That all too familiar feeling of wanting to run came crashing over him. Given the look of worry on the older mans face he knew that it was easy to read on his face that something was wrong. He should have guessed he was going to end up making everyone worried about him. Just what he wanted.
"You okay?" Deacon questioned moving to stand in front of him.
"Yeah," he reassured though even he could hear the lie in his words, "Just didn't get any sleep."
"Okay."
Street had always prided himself on never wearing his emotions on his sleeve. He knew that if people were trying to figure out what your motives were they were too busy to pay attention to anything else you were doing. It gave you the upper hand in any situation. It had also saved him more times than he could count.
At the moment all of that was thrown out the window. Standing in front of Deacon he felt raw and exposed and knew that the older man could see just how broken he felt. There was no hiding from that. All he could do was hope that he wouldn't be called out too much. He wasn't sure his ability to lie was going to get better anytime soon.
"I guess that explains why you look like you've been crying," Deacon offered sounding more like he was talking to a victim than a teammate, "You sure you're okay to come in?"
Hearing Deacon question him Chris forced himself off his bike. All he wanted to do was assure the man that he was perfectly capable of doing his job. As he stood up though and opened his mouth he felt his knees buckle under him. If it wasn't for Deacon grabbing him he would have ended up on the pavement.
Around him the world spun dangerously and he didn't even try fighting as he was slowly lowered to the ground with the older mans help. He hadn't realized how bad he felt until he finally stopped moving. How long had he on that bike to feel like he couldn't walk?
"Woah," Deacon said kneeling before him his hand moving to his forehead to check his temperature, "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Tired," he muttered closing his eyes trying not to lean into the warmth of the mans hand.
"I'm getting Luca to take you home."
"I don't-"
"Yeah, this wasn't up for discussion. You're going home."
"No Luca. I'll go home. I'll do whatever you want. Just don't get Luca. Please."
Deacon stared at him for a moment before slowly nodding his head the concern clear in his eyes. Street knew that he had thrown the older man through a loop, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Everything was already falling apart around him. What was the point in trying to hide away from that anymore? It wasn't like it changed anything.
"Okay," Deacon agreed sounding more confused than anything as he helped him to his feet, "Let's get you to my truck and I'll call Hondo to tell him what's going on."
"I'm sorry," Street offered as they walked, "I didn't think I was this bad."
"It's okay. It happens sometimes. Just rest."
Nodding his head he fell into the passengers' seat and closed the door. A sigh escaped him as he closed his eyes and rested his head on the slightly sun warmed glass. He wanted to listen to what the older man say and relax, but his mind was still running too quickly trying to figure out what his next step was going to be.
He couldn't see a next step though. He couldn't see anything at all when he thought about the future. A part of him was aware that he was being dramatic and that he wasn't going to lose everything because he kissed Luca, but with his mind the way it was he truly had no idea what was going to happen next.
In the background he heard Deacon talking to someone and knew that it wasn't going to be long before he was left alone with his thoughts once more. As much as he hated to admit it that scared him. He had already worked himself up when he was on his bike. Being at home alone… He wasn't sure where his thoughts were going to go.
"Street?" Deacon called out shaking his slightly out of his thoughts, "We're here."
Blinking open his eyes he found himself staring at Deacons place. The sight forced a laugh out of him. He should have known that the man wouldn't leave him alone with his thoughts. There was a reason they all joked that Deacon was the team father and it wasn't just because he was the only one with kids. The man just knew what he was doing to make everyone feel safe and protected. It made sense he'd take him to his place.
"Deacon," Street tried to start though he didn't know what to say.
"Annie's already waiting for you inside," Deacon interrupted with a little smile, "You shouldn't keep her waiting. I also talked to Hondo. He knows that you're not coming in."
"Thank you, Deacon."
"Anytime, kid. Go."
With one last smile Street climbed out of the truck and started towards the front door. If he was honest he knew if it was anyone else he would have fought them to be taken home. When he was almost at the door though it opened revealing Annie and he knew why he hadn't. It was impossible to fight the couple when they were working together.
So he continued to walk towards her letting his eyes do a quick once over. She had four kids that she was taking care of. The last thing he wanted to do was make her life harder when she was already feeling down. Even if all he wanted to do was fall in her arms and let himself get lost in everything he was feeling. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or not to see she looked perfectly fine.
"I thought David was exaggerating," Annie joked weakly in lieu of greeting him, "You look horrible."
"I know," Street responded as the door closed behind them.
"Oh, honey."
Hearing that tone Street felt the tears that had been threatening to escape finally spill over. He had no idea how she was able to get to him the way that she did, but with two words she had broken down what little composer he had left. A soft, hurt noise fell from Annie as she wrapped her arms around him and held tightly. Burying his face in her shoulder he let himself give into all the things he had been holding in. He felt bad for forcing her to hold him up but he couldn't stop himself now that he had started.
He had no idea how long they had been standing there before he was calm enough for her to lead him to the couch and force him to sit down. As soon as he was sitting though he felt the weight of not sleeping taking over him. Slowly he pulled away from her and moved so he was leaning on the arm rest instead of her.
"You ready to tell me what's going on?" Annie asked gently running her hand over his arm.
"I kissed Luca," he answered not even thinking of lying to her.
"Oh. Okay. I was not expecting that one."
A broken laugh fell from his lips as he leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. Despite the fact that he wasn't around Annie as much as the others he knew that everyone would think that way. He had hidden his feelings for the older man well. If he just hadn't gotten injured that day none of this would be happening.
"How long have you liked him?" Annie questioned pulling him from his thoughts.
"Since the beginning," Street admitted turning his head to face her, "I tried to hide it from him, from everyone, but he got hurt recently and I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep hiding no matter how hard I tried. They saw through every wall that I had put up. They called me out and I broke."
"I understand that. The first time I told David I loved him he had just been shot. It was nothing more than a graze, but he came into the little apartment that we shared with the sleeve of his shirt ripped and specks of blood seeping through gauze and I was terrified. It was the first time I realized how dangerous this job was. I told him I loved him right then and there. I haven't stopped since."
A smile came to his lips as he thought about the relationship that Annie and Deacon had. He had known from the first time he saw them together that what they had from the special. The kind of relationship that made people believe in love. He had always loved hearing about them and seeing them interact was beautiful.
"I don't know what to do," Street confessed after a moment, "I can't…"
"What do you think is going to happen?" Annie asked when he trailed off, "What do you think Luca is going to do?"
"I have no idea what he's going to do. It can't be good though."
"Street, I know you're scared and confused but this is Luca we're talking about. He's not the type of guy to let this ruin your friendship and you know it. If he doesn't feel the same way then he doesn't. He's going to be your best friend and teammate no matter what though. It's just who he is. Even if it gets awkward between the two of you for awhile he's going to fight as hard as he can to make sure that you two get back the friendship you have."
Shaking his head Street looked away from the woman not wanting to hear anymore. He knew that she was probably right and that he wouldn't know what would happen until he talked to the man but he wasn't ready for that. The last thing he felt like he could handle was seeing the man before he got his head back on straight. If that ever happened.
"Why don't you lay down for a bit and try to get some sleep?" Annie offered standing up, "I'll grab your a blanket."
"Thank you, Annie," Street replied giving her a sad smile.
"It's no problem, honey. I'm going to do some grocery shopping while the kids are at school. Make yourself at home."
Kicking off his shoes he laid on the couch pulling the blanket Annie had got him over his body. Despite the fact that his brain was racing as he rested his head on the plump armrest he felt himself start to sink into sleep fast. A sigh fell from his lips as he finally was able to relax.
"Lila, don't wake him up," a soft voice commanded dragging him out of the fog.
"But it's dinner time," came the reply closer to his face, "And he's been sleeping all day. He has to be hungry!"
"Lila."
"It's okay," he interrupted his voice low and gruff as he opened his eyes, "Hello, Lila."
"Hello, Jim! Do you feel better? Daddy said you had a bad day."
"I do feel better. How are you?"
"Hungry. Mommy made chicken pot pie. It's my favorite!"
"Lila, help Mom set the table please," Deacon requested walked up to them.
Nodding her head quickly Lila bounced away as he sat up fully. Cracking his neck he looked up at Deacon as the man moved to sit on the edge of the table in front of him. For a moment he couldn't help wondering if that feeling of almost protectiveness he felt coming off of the older man was a father thing. He couldn't figure out if it was bad or not.
"Do you really feel better?" Deacon questioned softly.
"Yeah," Street nodded his head, "I really do. Thank you for what you and Annie did for me."
"It's no problem, Street. You're welcome to stay for dinner if you'd like."
"That sounds nice, but I need to talk to Luca before I talk myself out of it."
"If you're sure. Your bike's parked outside. Be safe."
"Thanks. I'll talk to you later."
Standing up Street slowly made his way out of the house stopping to say goodbye to everyone and get one last hug from Annie before leaving. If he was honest with himself he knew that it felt almost like he was running away from them. The truth was the opposite though. He knew that if he stayed there any longer he was going to end up just staying the night there completely and putting it off even more than he already had.
As he climbed on the bike he felt his heart start to speed up once more. He knew that he had to talk to Luca about everything that was going on but that didn't make him any less afraid. The idea of losing the friendship he had with Luca terrified him. He had quickly become one of the most important people in Street's life.
With one last sigh he started to make his way home. His mind tried to figure out what he wanted to say but everything he came up with sounded wrong. Fake. Like he was trying to pretend that he didn't care about the man as much as he did. He couldn't do that anymore. The cat was out of the bag and there was no going back anymore.
As he pulled up to his home he still had no idea what he was going to say. All of those thoughts and worries fell away as the front door opened and Luca rushed out to him. He had barely climbed off the bike before the older mans strong arms were wrapping around him holding on tightly. For a moment he felt like he couldn't breathe. Then Luca pulled away.
"You have no idea how scared I was," Luca said his hands gripping his shoulders as his eyes darted over him.
"I'm sorry," he apologized softly trying to ignore the way his heart fluttered.
"It's fine. Doesn't matter. You're here now. Deacon said you spent the day with Annie."
"I spent the day sleeping. I was exhausted. I just woke up."
"Oh. Do you want to go back to sleep? Or eat something? I could order-"
"We need to talk, Luca. Maybe we should go inside."
Nodding his head Luca finally let go of him and started inside. Despite the fact he had gone there with the specific idea of talking to the older man Street found himself looking back at his bike wondering if it was too late to just get back on and put it off until another day. It wasn't as if that was going to change what was going to be said. Probably.
Those thoughts came to a halt as he found himself in the living room of their home the door closed behind him. Feeling his heart drop to his stomach Street slowly turned his head so he was looking at Luca once more. He didn't know what he was expecting to see, but the mans eyes dancing over him like he was expecting to find out he was hurt wast not it.
Suddenly it occurred to him everything that had happened last night. He had been so focused on what he had done he hadn't thought about the fact he had basically disappeared for an entire night after having a bit of a breakdown. No wonder Luca was worried.
"I'm sorry," Street apologized though he wasn't sure what part he was apologizing for.
"I'm just glad to know you're safe," Luca replied crossing his arms over his chest, "I got it when you didn't answer me and Chris last night, but then you didn't show up for work."
"I did get there, but Deacon found me and I almost collapsed getting off my bike."
"Did you take a break at all last night?"
"No. I don't even know how long I was driving around for."
"A little over four hours."
There was something in the way the older man answered instantly that made the guilt he felt all the worse. He hadn't thought about what his friends must have been feeling after he ran off. All that mattered to him was getting away from them as quickly as possible. No wonder Luca had hugged him when he saw him.
"I didn't…" Luca tried to start before trailing off, "I didn't know you liked me like that."
"I didn't want you to," Street replied hating how broken his voice sounded, "I didn't want anyone to. Your friendship means more to me than anything. I didn't want to lose you because of a stupid crush."
A soft hum fell from Luca as he moved so he was standing right in front of him. It took all of his self-control not to step back and put some distance between them. While he felt more sure that he wasn't about to be punched he still wasn't sure what the man was going to do. Then a hand came to rest on the side of his face.
Feeling like the air had been punched out of him Street stared at Luca as the mans eyes flickered down to his lips before locking with his own. For a moment it felt as if the world had froze before his head was being tilted to the side as the older man leaned forward and gently brushed their lips together.
In that moment he couldn't help wondering if he was still asleep on Deacon's couch. It seemed like the only explanation as Luca slowly pulled away from the kiss though he didn't move away from him. It had been nothing more than a peck, but after all the worry he had felt before that peck was the most wonderful thing he had ever felt.
"Luca?" Street questioned his voice so soft he barely heard it himself.
"I was so scared when you ran away," Luca confessed his thumb ghosting over Streets bottom lip drawing a shaky breath from him, "I spent all night calling you. Driving around the city trying to find you."
"You did?"
"Of course I did. What did you think I would do?"
"I don't know."
"Street, you're my best friend. I don't care that you kissed me. I mean, I wasn't expecting it to happen, but I'm not going to suddenly not be your friend because of it."
Despite everything that had already happened between them it wasn't until Luca said those words that Street felt himself relax. It made no sense really. The older man had just kissed him and he had still felt as if he was close to losing everything. Hearing him referring to him as his best friend though chased away the last of the fear he felt.
That was when it really sunk in what Luca had just done. Luca had just kissed him himself. That wasn't the move a person did if they just wanted to stay friends. A thought that was echoed by the hand that was still gently caressing the side of his face. Friends didn't touch each other like that. That could only mean that…
Letting out a shaky breath Street found himself leaning forward. He had no idea what he was expecting to happen when their lips touched once more but Luca sighing into the kiss and gripping the back of his head to keep him close was not it. It was such and innocent kiss, but better than any dream that he had ever had.
"Jim," Luca muttered pulling back from the kiss to stare at him.
"Dom," he replied just as softly not wanting to break the spell they were under.
"I never felt as bad as I did last night when you ran away from me. It was like you were afraid of me. Afraid of what I would do to you."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not. I had brushed off my crush on you a long time ago. I didn't think it mattered. You were my best friend and I thought that was all we were ever going to be. Having a crush on you would just hurt too much. It never occurred to me that you might feel the same way I did."
"I…"
"But then you kissed me and I froze. It felt like I was dreaming. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I had given up on that a long time ago."
Listening to the older man confess Street found himself shaking. Everything that he had dreamt of was right in front of him, waiting for him, and he was blank. It felt too good to be true, but at the same time it felt so right that he knew it was no dream. The two of them really had confessed their feelings for each other.
"So had I," Street finally said after a pregnant pause, "I had done everything I could to forget about it, but then you got hurt and I just… I thought I was going to lose you."
"I'm not going anywhere," Luca answered instantly moving forward so they were pressed against each other.
"Where does that leave us then?"
Blinking a few times Luca let the smile tug at his lips as he wrapped his arms around Street once more and held him tightly. A shaky breath left the younger man as he sunk into the hold feeling lighter than he had in months. He hadn't realized just how weighed down he was keeping his crush a secret from the man.
"I don't know," Luca offered his lips brushing against the side of his head, "I just know that we're home and together. Nothing else matters to me right now."