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“What do you mean, you’re not coming tonight?” Bellamy’s voice came through the phone, cutting over the sounds of people talking and laughing in the background.
Clarke sighed, closing her eyes as she sank deeper into her couch. “I just don’t feel like it. I’m sorry, I’m exhausted from midterms, and I just want to stay home and crash on the couch tonight.”
It was a plausible excuse, and covered the truth that prickled under her skin. That it felt like the people she used to consider friends didn’t need her anymore, that they didn’t want her around, and wouldn’t even notice if she never showed up to the party. Ever since her double semester abroad last year, it felt like she’d been written out of her friends' lives.
All of them, except for Bellamy. He’d been the only one to invite her out with the group lately. Which was why she gave him the courtesy of the call.
“But it’s Halloween,” he reasoned.
Clarke sighed loudly, pulling a fleece blanket over her lap, not bothering to argue.
“If that’s what you want,” Bellamy said after a moment of quiet, disappointment heavy in his tone. “We’ll miss seeing you, and what you decided on for your costume. And there’s plenty of Mars bars here.”
Ooh . That alone was tempting, as she heard the muffled sounds of Bellamy rifling through the multiple bowls of Halloween candy that must be set up along Murphy’s counter. He knew mention of her favourite chocolate might just be enough to tempt her. But Clarke was resolute in her decision.
“Save one for me,” she countered.
“Just one?”
She bit her lip, grinning. “Fine, save me ten.”
“That’s what I thought,” he replied lightly, and she could picture his matching grin.
“I’ll see you later, then,” Bellamy said finally as he ended the call.
Clarke pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose and took another deep breath. It felt okay to not care about ditching the people she used to call friends, but it hurt to disappoint Bellamy.
But she’d made her choice.
And now she was alone.
Just as she’d chosen to be.
Just as she’d planned.
But she hadn’t expected to feel so lonely.
Burying the weight that had settled in her stomach, Clarke rose from the couch to light the last few candles along her windowsill.
She had the perfect chill movie night planned for a quiet night alone in her apartment—a Harry Potter movie marathon queued up on tv, multiple cozy blankets and pillows on her couch, and a giant bowl of Halloween candy on her coffee table. After making a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and alcohol, Clarke curled back up on the couch and started the first movie.
It was already dark outside, and the rain tapped against her windows, causing her to burrow deeper into her nest of blankets. Staying inside where it was warm and cozy was definitely the right choice, even if she’d already eaten all of the Mars bars from her own stash of candy.
Lost in the magical world of Hogwarts, and the sugar high of far too many mini chocolate bars, Clarke didn’t recognize the knocking noise right away. She was invested in watching Harry, Ron, and Hermione get past the three-headed dog, until the knocking grew louder and caught her attention.
Reluctantly she paused the movie, and stood up, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders as she trudged to the front door. She opened the door to find Bellamy standing there, thumbs hooked through the straps of his backpack.
“Bellamy?” she asked, surprised to see him. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you at Murphy's party?"
"You said you'd rather stay home,” he replied, shrugging slightly and rocking back on his heels.
Clarke tilted her head at him. "Yeah, I said I'd stay in... but you could still go. Go on, go have fun with your friends." She moved to close the door again, waving him away, urging him to not let his night be ruined by her antisocial tendencies.
But Bellamy caught the door in his strong grip. "They're your friends too.”
Clarke blew out a breath, "It doesn't always feel like that anymore.”
His expression softened, and Clarke’s defenses cracked, letting a small piece of vulnerability slip out.
“They didn’t even invite me to the party tonight.”
“But I did,” Bellamy corrected gently. “I wanted to hang out with you tonight, so if you’re watching movies, then we’re watching movies.”
His words made her chest tighten with feelings that felt like butterflies in her stomach. Without a word, she stepped back from the door, and he followed her inside, kicking off his shoes as if he really planned to stay a while.
"What about Bree? Won't she be disappointed?" Clarke asked, squaring her shoulders.
"Bree?" Bellamy wrinkled his brow. "It's a party, I’m sure she'll have plenty of fun whether I’m there or not. Why?"
Clarke sighed, playing with the end of her braid as she moved back to her spot on the couch. "Ugh, never mind.” It wasn’t worth bringing up the fact that she might have a crush on her best friend, even after she tried to move on during her year abroad. It wasn’t worth mentioning the fact that she felt sick to her stomach with jealousy every time Bree flirted with Bellamy.
“So a Harry Potter marathon?” Bellamy asked, glancing at the paused screen as he sat down next to her. “Classic Clarke.”
“They’re my favourite, you know that. My dad and I—” she began in defense, before realizing he was teasing her on purpose. “You really want to watch these with me?”
“Yeah, of course, they’re your favourites,” Bellamy answered with a wink, stealing a handful of candy from the bowl and settling comfortably into his seat on the couch. “Even though the books are totally better.”
“Ugh,” Clarke gasped, exaggerating her disagreement even though way deep down she knew he was right. But arguing with Bellamy was too much fun to pass up. She elbowed him, “Nerd. Just for that, we're watching all the movies in order, and no fast-forwarding."
"But the spiders—" he began, his eyebrows drawing together in genuine concern.
"No skipping scenes," Clarke reiterated, curling back under her blankets as she hit play.
They sat side by side on the couch, like they’d done a million times before. It was comfortable, after years of friendship. It was the way Bellamy offered his shoulder for her to lean against, because she was still cold despite the extra blankets and he was always warm. It was the way she knew to pass him a throw pillow halfway through the second movie when Harry and Ron followed the spiders into the forest.
“Why spiders,” Bellamy whined as he quoted along with Ron, hiding his face in the pillow. “Why couldn’t it be ‘follow the butterflies’?”
Clarke hid her grin as she leaned against his shoulder, her cheek brushing the soft flannel he wore.
It was the way she gently let him know when the giant spider scene was done so he could safely watch again. It was the way he somehow moved closer to her when thunder rumbled in the distance, knowing the storms made her nervous. And it was the way he riffled through the candy bowl, and somehow Clarke knew he was looking for a single Mars bar to give her.
"You'll have to settle for the lesser chocolates," Clarke teased, elbowing his side. "I already ate all of the Mars bars."
"I wouldn't have expected any different," he winked. "Ooh, I almost forgot. I brought you these." He reached into his backpack and pulled out an extra-large ziploc bag full of tiny Mars bars.
"Shut up," Clarke whispered reverently, as he passed her the heavy bag. She cradled the treasure in her lap. "You didn't have to do this. Why did you do this? How?"
Bellamy shrugged. "I was helping Murphy put out the candy at the party, and may have picked out all the Mars bars for you. I know they're your favourite."
"You didn't." She shook her head slowly, staring at him in awe. She was blown away by his thoughtfulness, and every little he did made her love him more.
Bellamy scratched the back of his head awkwardly, trying to deflect the attention. "It was nothing."
Clarke shook her head again, and opened the bag. She took a chocolate out, unwrapped it, and popped it in her mouth. "Mhmm," she moaned happily. Bumping her shoulder against his, she attempted to say "thank you", though her words were muffled by caramel and chocolate.
From the corner of her eye, she caught his grin, making her feel warm on the inside. Happily, she leaned into his side again, cuddling closer when he lifted his arm over her shoulders as they finished off the second movie and started the third.
Over the familiar melody of the magical music, the rain began to pound louder against the windows. And the thunder moved closer, with bright flashes of lightning illuminating the dark sky.
As Clarke and Bellamy watched Aunt Marge begin to bloat and hover in the air, suddenly three things happened. First, an enormous crack of thunder shook the entire apartment building. Second, a bright flash of lightning erupted in the night sky, practically blinding them. Third, with an electric crack and sudden rush of quiet, the power went out.
Clarke gasped audibly, and reflexively jumped toward Bellamy—only to end up practically sitting on his lap, arms wrapped around his neck.
Embarrassed, she giggled, trying to laugh it off. Only for goosebumps to cover her arms because she could feel his own laughter on her face, as they sat, foreheads nearly touching.
"Bellamy?" she asked, tentatively. His name was the question, the rest of her words unspoken because she didn't have the words to ask him what was racing through her mind. Is this okay? Do you like me? Like I like you? As more than a friend? Can I kiss you? Would you hate me if I ruined our friendship? Are you going to break my heart?
"Clarke?" he asked back, his voice a broken whisper as he stared into her eyes in the dim light from the flickering candles. His hand came up to cradle her face, keeping her close to him, anchoring her on his lap.
She inhaled quickly, an audible intake of breath as she stared back, holding his gaze.
They both moved at once. Though, since they were so close, they barely moved at all, instantly crashing together. And then they were kissing—lips touching softly, lingering, careful as they tested the waters.
Clarke melted into his touch, altogether thrilled that Bellamy was kissing her back, and wholly terrified that this was all a dream.
Breaking away from his lips, Clarke sat back, both to catch her breath and his gaze. “Is this, is this happening? Is this okay? Is this—”
Interrupting her with a kiss, Bellamy grinned back at her. “You think too much.”
“Hey—“ Clarke tried to argue, but was interrupted by his lips once again.
“It’s okay,” Bellam said fondly, as his thumb caressed her cheek. “It’s one of the things I love about you.”
That sent butterflies dancing in her stomach once again.
“Love?” Her question was a breathless whisper.
He blinked back at her, his thumb still caressing her cheek. And then he nodded. “Yeah, Clarke. I love you. I’m so in love with—”
Without letting him finish, Clarke leaned forward, stealing his lips with a kiss, and another, and another. His arms held her steady while her hands explored his shoulders, his back, and his hair—sighing happily as she finally allowed herself to know what it was like to run her fingers through his magnificent hair.
With a pop, the power came back on—startling them both as they were covered in the bright blue light of a blank tv screen.
Breathing heavily, they pulled apart. And Clarke couldn’t help but giggle again.
Bellamy grinned, ducking his head. “Wow,” he exhaled softly, still holding her close.
Feeling bold, Clarke used her hand to lift his chin, letting her gaze meet his.
“In case it wasn’t clear, I love you too, Bell.”
His smile was contagious, as he pulled her into a tight hug, lips pressing against her hair lightly.
“Well, now I can definitely say I made the right choice tonight, staying in and watching movies with you.”
Clarke smiled up at him, the butterflies still dancing in her stomach—but this time with excitement, not nerves or worry.
“So do you want to finish the movies, or keep making out?” he teased, raising his eyebrow as his fingers tickled her side.
“Why not both?” she winked back, tucking herself even closer in his arms.
Bellamy chuckled, “I like the way you think.” He picked up the tv remote and restarted the movie.
“Like? I thought you loved the way I think?” she teased, tickling him back.
Groaning, Bellamy rubbed his forehead. “Fine, you win.” He kissed her cheek as he reached forward for her bag of candy, passing her a handful of Mars bars. “Eat your candy, woman, and let me watch the movie, damnit.”
Giggling at his words, Clarke popped a Mars bar into her mouth and smiled up at Bellamy, watching him watch their favourite movies.
Cuddled up to her best friend—now her boyfriend—Clarke silently vowed that she wouldn’t let the admission of feelings come between them or ruin their friendship. Instead they’d simply make it better, adding a physical, romantic level to their relationship. Bellamy would still tease her for being the basic white girl and loving all things fall, but would make sure she never ran out of pumpkin spiced candles or Mars bars. She'd still tease him about his fear of spiders, but would always be the one to escort the creature outside, and would always pass him a pillow to shield his eyes from the scary scenes.
Because Bellamy was her best friend, and being here, tucked up in his arms watching their favourite movies together, was simply magical.