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Sokka stands on the edge of the pier at the South Pole, snow falling gracefully around him as he collects himself. Only several moments earlier, he had snapped at Katara, telling her off over something or other that didn't really matter, which led to a fight. Shouting matches had been common between the two of them since before the war ended, but this one was different. Fighting led to shouting led to insults led to pushing buttons to the point of no return. What Sokka had said-- and what Katara had replied... at that point, they were saying things to purposefully hurt the other. There was no "going back."
The threat of tears come with a tightening of his throat and a short intake of breath as Sokka looks past the docks, watching the sun set over the crashing waves of the icy water. He was angry-- not at Katara, (well, maybe a little,) but angry at the world, at everyone, at no one, at himself. He didn't know why... perhaps because the war was long over, but he still wasn't happy. He thought that maybe, just maybe, once the war was over, he could finally get to be a normal kid: go penguin-sledding and hang out with his friends and fall in love and dance and be carefree. But, alas, it's not like The Universe to let Sokka have what he wants. So, here he was: twenty years old, confused, hurt, angry, and feeling utterly alone in this time of agonizing peace.
Sokka's mind wanders to his good friend Zuko, who has felt like this his entire life. Zuko, whose relationship with his sister makes Sokka and Katara's relationship look perfect in comparison. How lonely he must've felt after his mother left, all alone in the Palace with a father and sister who detested him-- How lonely he must feel now, all by himself in a grand palace, having to lead the nation that, up until a few years ago, was led by a man who was against everything Zuko stood for. He thinks, that no matter how bad he feels now, that if Zuko could come back from years of anger and abuse, and can find inner peace, Sokka could surely come back from whatever this was.
Hakoda comes up from behind him and places a gentle hand on Sokka's shoulder. "Are you alright?" he asks, voice soft and comforting. "That was rough in there, Sokka."
"I know," Sokka mutters, bowing his head in regret. "I'll apologize to Katara in a minute."
"I didn't ask you to apologize," Hakoda says, turning towards his son. "I asked if you're alright."
"I... I don't know, dad." Sokka turns his head away, only to have Hakoda to gently grab his chin and pull it back to face him.
"Hey. You can talk to me. A problem shared is a problem halved."
"I... I thought that I would be happy by now," Sokka says, the release of tears no longer a threat. Sokka wipes his face with his gloved hands and looks his father in the eyes. "I thought that the war ending would be a good thing, but I feel so... empty? It's been years, dad-- years of numbness."
Hakoda is silent for a moment, wrapping his arms around Sokka. "I felt the same way, once the war ended," He says finally as he breaks the hug. "And it's awful, because once the war was over, I had all the time in the world to spend with you kids and Gran Gran, but I felt... useless, and angry, and sad, all at the same time. It's like a part of myself was missing... All of this grief and pushed down emotions from my time overseas came crashing together and it was just too much. I shut out Bato, I shut out you and your sister and Gran... And to this day that is one of my biggest regrets."
"So what should I do?" Sokka asks. "How did you get over it?"
"I talked to someone I love. I finally talked to Bato, told him everything I was feeling and all that was happening. He just held me and told me it was going to be alright as I let out all of the emotions that had built up inside me. It took some time, but eventually, I came back to myself."
Sokka sniffled and wiped his tears, which had slowed to the point that they started to freeze while still on his cheeks, rather than on his jacket and gloves. "That's... oogie," He said, attempting at a joke to lift his own spirits.
Hakoda chuckled and embraced Sokka again. "It will get better, Sokka. I promise you that. Your grief won't lessen, but you will grow, and eventually, once you've grown enough, it won't feel as big and overwhelming anymore."
Sokka smiles softly and hugs his father. "Thanks dad," he says. Sokka and Hakoda walk back home in silence, and when they enter, they see Katara sitting on the couch, eyes wet with old tears. He apologizes, and as she hugs him, he starts to feel himself grow around his grief.
Dear Ambassador Sokka,
I have a week free of Royal duties coming up due to a stomach bug that's been spreading between members of the Royal Staff. The Fire Sages believe that it is best if I spend time away from the Palace until it is clear of illness. I have decided that I should spend my time in the South Pole, and was hoping that I could stay with you in your home. Please respond as soon as possible, as I am set to leave the Fire Nation tomorrow morning,
Fire Lord Zuko
Zuko,
"Ambassador Sokka?" Really? This isn't really official business, if it's a vacation "free of royal duties," I don't think we need to use our official titles.
Anyways, yes, you can come stay with me, but I warn you, our home is not as big as the Royal Palace of the Fire Nation. Also, I still live with my Father and his boyfriend and Katara, so be prepared to be coddled the whole time you're here.
See you soon,
Sokka
Sokka waits at the Harbour for the arrival of Zuko's boat the next night. He can tell it's coming when black smoke curls up on the horizon and he winces, remembering the raids that took place on his home when he was a kid. He takes a moment to remember his mother, who was murdered during one of those very raids, and wonders if allowing Zuko to visit was such a great idea. For his tribe, whose members knew nothing but pain at the hands of the Fire Nation, it may seem too soon, but as soon as Zuko gets off of the ship in the biggest Parka Sokka's ever seen, he knows that it was a wonderful idea.
Some children of the tribe, those too young to remember the war, run up to Zuko and hug his legs, and Zuko's face lights up. When he catches Sokka's eyes, his cheeks grow crimson, and he smiles. Sokka laughs and his heart melts a little as he makes his way to his friend, who has kneeled down and is now talking to the children and is promising to go penguin-sledding with them later. When Sokka hugs Zuko, the children look at him in distaste and run away, laughing about something or other. Whatever it is, Sokka frankly doesn't care. All he cares about is that Zuko's here, and, for some reason: how does he smell so good for someone who's been travelling for the past eight hours?
"I missed you so much, Sokka. It's been too long."
"What, no 'Ambassador Sokka?'"
"Ha ha," Zuko deadpans. "You're never going to let that go, will you?"
"Nope," Sokka grins, wrapping an arm around Zuko's shoulders as they make their way back home.
"I thought not," Zuko sighs. "Any chance your family didn't read the letter and won't make fun of me the whole time I'm here?"
"Also negative, Fire Lord Zuko." Zuko mumbles something unintelligible under his breath and Sokka laughs. "Don't worry, it means they like you. Actually, Gran Gran can't wait to meet you."
"Really? I don't have the greatest track record with grandparents."
"And how many of your friends' grandparents have you met? Because, let's face it, Zuko: you don't have very many friends."
"I've got friends!" Zuko says defensively, before adding: "And I've met Mai's grandparents... they like Azula better."
"Yes, but you've never met any grandparents like Gran Gran. You'll love her. She's even making five-flavour soup for your arrival!"
"...What are the five flavours?" Zuko asks nervously.
"Nobody knows for sure!" Sokka says excitedly. "But don't worry, it's always delicious!"
"Alright, I trust you," Zuko says with a smile.
They can hear Sokka's family before they see them. When they enter the home, however, the sight before them is something that Sokka can only describe as "my family." Hakoda and Gran Gran are arguing as she tries to force a sweater over his head, and Katara's shouting over them, trying to intervene as Bato laughs from the corner of the room, already in a hand-knitted sweater that matched the one that's halfway over Hakoda's head.
Katara's the first to notice them, and greets them with a shriek of delight as she tackles Zuko into a massive gopher-bear hug. Hakoda and Gran Gran stop arguing for a moment and turn to face Sokka and Zuko, and Kanna uses Hakoda's moment of distraction to force the rest of the sweater over his head, laughing victoriously. Hakoda, who doesn't bother to pull the sweater over his trunk and arms, makes his way towards Zuko and Sokka.
"Hello, Head Chieftain Hakoda," Zuko says, bowing respectfully. Hakoda pulls Zuko into a hug; "It's good to see you again, son."
"Zuko, meet Gran Gran. Gran Gran, this is Zuko, my, uh, friend. Who also happens to be the Fire Lord," Sokka says, adding in the last part quickly.
"Hello, Zuko. Welcome to the South Pole. The Southern Water Tribe is happy to welcome you back," Kanna says, referencing to Zuko's first visit to the South Pole, where he rendered Sokka unconscious and kidnapped Aang.
"I would like to apologize for my behaviour the last time I was here," Zuko says. "It was fueled by rage and hate, and it was completely unacceptable." Zuko bows deeper than his position would ever have him do on a normal basis.
"Please, dear boy, do stand up. I can tell that my grandchildren love you. I trust their judgement." Kanna smiles and Zuko stands up, sighing in relief as she traps him in one of her famously long and loving hugs.
For the rest of the night, Kanna gushes over how handsome Zuko is, and continues to make Sokka blush whenever she brings up that he and Zuko would make "such a lovely couple." More than once Sokka looked towards Zuko, who would look away from him immediately after making eye contact, making a tiny blossom of doubt sprout in Sokka's stomach. At the end of the night, when the time comes to bid Gran Gran a goodnight, Kanna pulled Zuko in last for a hug and says something into his ear that made him look at Sokka and flush a deep crimson, then leaves before Sokka can ask her what she said.
Later, after Katara, Hakoda, and Bato have all long gone to bed, when Sokka and Zuko are laying in Sokka's bed, desperately trying to fall asleep. Sokka turns onto his side to face Zuko. He sleepily asks "What did Gran Gran tell you before she left?"
Zuko turns his head and hummed lethargically. "I knew you were going to ask," he said, his voice quavering as he rubs his eyes.
"What? How?"
"Just the way you were standing when I looked over. You've got a certain posture when you want to know something. Your shoulders slant a little, y'know? And your, uh, head, it tilts."
"I don't do that!" Sokka is whispering in a tone that suggests that he is angry, although he actually finds it quite endearing that Zuko knows his mannerisms, even if they are apart for most of the year.
Zuko cackles in that way a child does when they're at a sleepover and their best friend whispers something nonsensical into their ear at some unearthly late time of the night. "You definitely do," he says in between deep intakes of breath.
Sokka's about to make a quippy retort when there's a rustling coming from outside his bedroom as Katara's head pokes into his room, rubbing her eyes and looking confused. "Would you two shut up? I have to teach a healing lesson early tomorrow," she groans.
"Sorry, Katara," Sokka whispers as Zuko wheezes silently from beside him, covering his face as words mildly resembling "Healing lessons," and "early" come out between his fits of laughter. Katara stares at him with disapproval and Zuko immediately stops, breathing shakily. "I'm going to sleep," Sokka grumbles, turning his back to Zuko as he recommences his wheezing.
Eventually, after a few minutes, Zuko's laughter is replaced with light snores, and Sokka lays awake, listening to his best friend sleeping, unable to slow down his racing mind.
Three days pass, and Sokka hasn't been able to stop thinking about how Zuko knows his mannerisms since he mentioned it. The thought alone makes Sokka want to share every part of himself with Zuko, good and bad. That is partially why, after dinner on Zuko's fourth night in the South Pole, they are at Sokka's favourite snow hill, just outside the village. Zuko, looking adorable in his overly sized Parka, is participating in a snowball fight with the local kids as Sokka lays propped against the bottom of the hill, staring at the grey evening sky above him. Zuko, apparently done with the snowball fight, rolls down the hill, laughing, until he reaches the bottom, then adjusts himself and lays down next to Sokka as the children run back to the village. They stare at the sky in comfortable silence, the toes of Sokka's left boot touching the right of Zuko's, and that little touch, layers deep, sends a jolting sensation throughout Sokka's entire nervous system.
When it feels like hours have passed, Sokka sits up, silently holding out a hand to help Zuko up. As they stand, snow starts to fall gracefully around them. Zuko, completely enamored, holds out his hands in front of him and catches falling snowflakes in his palms. "It's beautiful," he gasps, looking at Sokka with a soft expression.
"Yeah," Sokka says, staring into Zuko's eyes. "It really is."
Zuko twirls around, sticking his arms out to his sides, and laughs. "I've seen snow before," he explains, "But never quite like this. It's so... gentle... and peaceful. Not harsh or unforgiving like the storm at the North Pole."
Sokka smiles. "There's this thing Katara and I used to do, when we were kids," he starts. "We would stick out our tongues and try to catch snowflakes on our tongues. Of course she would cheat and use her bending to catch more than me."
"I bet I can catch more than you!" Zuko exclaims, sticking out his tongue.
"Yeah right!" Sokka retorts. "All the snowflakes probably melt before they can even touch you!" He sticks out his tongue as well, making a "Aha!" every time he catches a snowflake in his mouth.
They stumble around with their faces to the sky, mouths open and tongues out, unable to see where they're going until they bump into one another. They're sent tumbling to the ground, and suddenly Sokka is overtop of Zuko, propped up by his hands on either side of Zuko's face. Sokka opens, then shuts his mouth, unsure of what to say, internally panicking and unable to move. He's brought back to his senses when a snowflake lands on Zuko's cheek and he flinches at the cold touch. Sokka pulls his hand out of his glove and wipes it away with his thumb, and Zuko smiles gently. "Thanks," he says breathlessly. Sokka' can feel his heartbeat in his throat as he gives a soft "mhm," unable to form words due to the fact that Zuko's face is now only inches away from his. A gravitational force tries to act upon Sokka, pulling his lips towards Zuko's, and he's about to let it when the clearing of a throat jolts him out of his wits.
Sokka lifts his head and is greeted by the sight of Bato grinning at him with Katara, looking unimpressed, standing behind him. "You two okay?" Bato asks with a knowing smile.
Zuko, flushing a crimson red, coughs from underneath him and Sokka feels his face heat up as he rolls off of his friend. "Yep, we're, uh, we're okay," Sokka sputters as they stand up and brush the snow off of their coats. Katara pulls Zuko away and starts enthusiastically discussing something with him, waving her arms in the air the way she does when she's emotional. As Sokka tries to join them, but Bato holds him back. "You've got a good eye, kid. That one's a keeper," he says, placing a hand on Sokka's shoulder.
"What?! Uh, no, Bato, it's not like that... like... at all. He's just... my homie...?" Sokka sighs, he's not fooling anybody.
"Homie? Oh my, you've got it bad," Bato laughs. "You know your dad called me 'pal' for months before confessing his feelings for me? It was excruciating! I just wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him while screaming 'I love you, you idiot!'"
"How did you know he was the one?" Sokka asks.
Bato sighs as the two of them started walking back home, Katara and Zuko far in the distance, but not out of sight. "It wasn't sudden, if that's what you're asking. There wasn't an exact moment that I can recall where I just looked at him and went 'I want this one,' like everyone else in this village claims they did. Because it isn't just one thing about him-- it's everything-- the good, the bad, and the stinky," he laughs as if he cracked some amazing joke, and Sokka smiles. "I think our connection was always there, ever since we were kids, but over time, it grew and evolved, just as we did. It's sort of like a flower, in that way: it rooted itself into our soil, it just needed the right conditions to sprout and bloom."
"Thanks, Bato," Sokka says. "That kind of makes sense. It's nice to have you around. I know you were around a lot before, but still-- it's just nice to have you around."
Bato laughs. "Thanks, kid," He says, wrapping his arm around Sokka's shoulders. "To be honest with you, I thought that you and Zuko were already dating."
"What?! Why-- why would you think that?" Sokka sputters.
"I mean... we all kinda got that impression when he followed you out of your room the first morning shirtless," Bato chuckles. "But that could just be him expressing himself, and that's okay too. It just kinda implied that you two... y'know..." Bato wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Sokka groaned, covering his face in embarrassment. "Nooo... Bato... Please stop. Please, stop," Sokka whined, much to Bato's amusement. "All I'm saying," he says, in all seriousness, "Is that that kid likes you back, and that you should definitely go for it. I mean... even Kanna likes him, which is a hard feat to come by."
"Gran Gran almost married Pakku! How the hell is it a 'hard feat' to get her to like you?!"
"Listen kid," Bato says, pointing in front of him to nothing in particular, "The key word of that sentence was 'almost.' Kanna would never marry someone in the likes of Pakku, no matter how many times he travels across the world to propose." Sokka and Bato laugh as they approach the house. Zuko stands alone in the kitchen, his luggage packed and by the front door, and Bato ducks into his and Hakoda's bedroom, leaving the two of them alone.
"The Fire Sages say that it's safe for me to come back," Zuko says, his face gloomy. "I leave in the morning."
"Oh," Sokka says wistfully. "That's good, I guess."
"Yeah." Zuko's voice is raspy. "I guess so."
"Is there anything you want to do before you go? You've pretty much seen everything there is to see here now. All I really had planned for us to do for the rest of your visit was 'Go get blubbered seal jerky from Auntie Ashuna' and 'read the newspaper like old people.'
"Honestly, I'm tired out from that snowball fight with the kids. Is it okay if I just go to bed?" Zuko asks, yawning for effect.
"No, yeah, that's totally fine, Zuko. I'm probably gonna stay up for a bit. I'll see you in the morning, though?" Sokka asks.
"Sure," he says, nodding glumly. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Sokka wakes up to someone shaking his shoulders very forcefully. "Huh? Wha... Katara?" He asks from the couch, where he had fallen asleep last night.
"Sokka, you have to get up!"
"Just one minu..." Sokka yawns, rolling away from her so he can go back to sleep.
"Wake up you idiot! Zuko's gone!"
"Hm? Oh man, did I miss him?" Sokka's heart is pounding, and no matter how much he pretends that it's okay that Zuko's gone and didn't say goodbye, it actually pains him unbearably, and if he doesn't close his eyes, he thinks that he might cry.
"Yes! He left you a note, and you need to read it!" Katara rustles a paper in front of his face. Sokka snatches the parchment eagerly and opens it up.
Sokka,
I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye, I didn't want to wake you.
I was planning on telling you this last night, but you never came to bed, and once I had racked up enough courage to leave the room, you had already fallen asleep on the couch.
The truth is, I think about you every single day. Whether we're together or apart, you're constantly on my mind. Sometimes I'll hear an awful joke (truly awful), and I'll think: "Sokka would like this." I often wonder what you would think of topics brought up in governmental meetings or even just in my discussions with the gardeners, whether you would pick the same Fire Lily as I would for the annual Blossom Festival.
Yesterday, when we were standing on that hill and it started snowing, I looked at you and I realized something, and then again when you were on top of me, snow in your hair and your cheeks red from the cold. I wish we could stay in that moment forever, your eyes soft as you wipe the snowflake from my cheek--
I want you I need you I wish there was a way that
You are an incredible person, and it's taken me years to realize this, but I love you, Sokka, and I hope think hope you love me back, and this has been eating at me for days because I've wanted to tell you the entire time I was here, but I was scared that you didn't feel the same way. Then, Katara "smacked some sense into me" on our way home, and made it very clear that if I didn't make the first move that we would never 'fall in love and swoon over each other 24/7.' (Her words, not mine. Though I wouldn't mind it. Like at all.)
I'm sorry, this letter is droning on and on, but there are just so many things I wanted to say to you. Mainly that I love you. But also that you're amazing and intelligent and incredibly handsome and there are so many things that I love and admire about you, and that I'm sorry for leaving early and that I wish I were staying and was in your arms for the rest of the week instead of going back to the Fire Nation. (Don't tell anyone I said that, they could have me impeached for treason).
With Love,
Zuko
"Zuko you fucking idiot I love you too!" Sokka shouts as he reaches the end of the letter. "Why the fuck would you write this and then leave?!" Katara doesn't answer, she's scrambling around, throwing his boots and coat at him while pulling on her own. "Where are you going?! I'm having a love-life crisis here!"
"Shut up and put on your shit! We're going to catch Zuko before his boat leaves! I will freeze the water to stop the boat if I need to, just get ready!"
Sokka pulls on his boots and fastens them up as quickly as possible, then pulls on his parka and gloves. "Come on, let's go!" He shouts, running to the door. Hakoda comes out of his room in a tired daze, rubbing his eyes. "Where are you two going so early?"
"Sokka's going to profess his love to Zuko!" Katara shouts as she leaves the house.
Hakoda turns Sokka and gives him a thumbs up. "Good luck, son."
"Thanks dad."
Sokka follows Katara outside, and together, they run to the pier, dodging tribe members who enjoy lengthy conversations, and running straight past Auntie Ashuna, who has a handful of blubbered seal jerky that she offers Sokka (This is incredibly difficult for him to deny, but Zuko is way better than some jerky that's incredibly hard to chew, he thinks). As they approach the harbour, Sokka's heart drops into his stomach. All of the boats have already departed-- no Royal Fire Nation Naval Services ship in sight.
"He's gone," Sokka says, defeated. "It's over."
"Not quite," Katara says, pointing to the distance. Sokka follows the path of her finger and sees a grey and red speck. From it, black smoke curls up into the sky. "Hold onto me," Katara says, grabbing Sokka by arm and jumping into the water.
One time, when Sokka was a child, he fell through a thin patch of ice, plummeting into the water. It knocked the air out of his lungs, paralyzing him on impact. Sokka's expecting the same thing to happen this time, but they never break through the surface of the water. Instead, Katara creates a piece of thick ice beneath their feet, then uses her bending to propel them towards the boat, creating an icy cold mist that only seems to touch Sokka as it sprays around them. He sighs in relief: icy mist, no matter how cold or how much there is, is much better than full-body submersion in below-freezing temperature waters. As the boat came into reach, Katara looked at Sokka, who was clutching onto them with all of his might, desperately trying not to fall into the freezing abyss below.
"Let go of me," Katara orders, and Sokka hesitantly obliges. "Do NOT move. I'm going to catapult you onto the boat," Katara says.
Sokka has no time to refuse, he only makes an expression of sheer terror before he's flying through the air, then free falling over the Fire Nation ship, wailing. He lands with a thump! onto something both solid and squishy. He realizes, after it makes a groaning noise, and three Kyoshi warriors are pulling him off and restraining him, that he had landed directly on top of Zuko. As Zuko stands up, Sokka thrashes around, still screaming. "What the fuck, Zuko!" He's trying to wave around the note, but the Kyoshi Warriors have an iron grip.
"Let him go," Zuko says worriedly, rushing towards Sokka as he stumbles out of their grasp. "Are you alright?"
"No I'm not fucking alright!" Sokka very-nearly shouts. "How could you write this and then just leave me? Did you ever stop to think that I actually fucking love you back and that I want to be with you?" Zuko says nothing, only staring at Sokka, beaming, with a flushed face. "Fuck, Zuko! I fucking love you so fucking much! Now would you please come over here and fucking kiss me already?!"
Zuko takes a step towards Sokka and grabs him by the face, pulling it towards his own. Sokka's breathless as their lips brush lightly, sending jolts of electricity through his entire body. He deepens the kiss, desperate to feel Zuko's mouth on his. When they pull apart, Zuko clutches on to him by the fabric on his shoulders. "Hey," he says breathlessly. "Watch your mouth. You're speaking to the Fire Lord."
Now it's Sokka's turn to deadpan. "Ha ha," he says, trying (and failing) to suppress his grin.
"I fucking love you, Zuko."
"I fucking love you too, Sokka."