Work Text:
“Let’s break up”
Sicheng blankly stares at his boyfriend as he finishes his sentence out of his breath.
Yuta looked at him emptied, it seemed like his boyfriend’s sentences dried his throat up. No thoughts, no words coming out, just a blank stare to him who’s eyes seem to be so done with everything that they went through the whole month.
Summing up their whole month was tragically unfortunate,Sicheng who’s staying in the review center for his board exam was bombarded with tragic news that his Tito Lolo died who’s been his weakness ever since. But in that span of month of course there’s a sprinkle of happiness, Sicheng’s Tito Lolo gifted them his old house and unquote “Start a new life, ‘yung pang habang buhay'' The couple gladly accepted it and do what their Tito Lolo said. Couple of weeks were a good start, sharing happy thoughts and planning for the future. Not until Yuta lost his job, that went very alarming for a fresh grad couple in one house who’s both financially unstable, Insert stress from each family side. Sicheng’s little brother was in hospital that time because of an accident while Yuta’s toxic family were dragging him out of the Philippines for a new life, they said.
And now, they are on the verge of breaking up. Yuta after staring at him blankly for five solid minutes finally found his words.
“Paano yung birthdays natin?”
That's the only thing that jumps out on his thoughts, because all of their life both were always celebrating their birthday together. Sicheng chuckles in disbelief and wipes his unknowingly tears.
“Let’s just celebrate it alone this time, and for life”
Yuta was still silent, and didn't know what to do and to say to defend his love and their relationship from sinking. Giving up, he again looked at Sicheng’s eyes for his last hope.
Only to see the pain in his eyes, eyes that seem to be desperate to find happiness again. Eyes that seem to be saying to let him go. Eyes that seem to be begging for freedom. Eyes that seem to be longing for happiness. Wiping his tears, he gathered his courage and asked him for the last time.
“Will it make you happy if i’ll let you go?”
Sicheng burst into tears and nodded. “Yes, Mahal. Pakawalan mo na ako please”
And just like a cue, despite the weakened knee, Yuta stood up and took the things that went his way and left.
4 years later.
“Kuya sige na, jan lang ‘yon sa SM north samahan mo na ako”
“Sino ba kasing pupuntahan mo don?” Sicheng irritatedly asks and slides down his phone.
“Paulit-ulit naman ‘to yung asawa nga ng prof namin sa major, nandun daw kasi yung banda non!” Chenle again reasons out too busy to bulk his ticket for their said event.
“Bakit ba kasi napaka invested mo sa asawa ng prof mo?!”
“Halatang hindi ka talaga nakikinig kuya! Kasi nga sabi ng prof namin papayag lang siya mag pa interview kapag pumayag asawa niya ok? Dadali naman kasi talaga ‘tong project na ‘to kung gusto mong mag pa interview e, kaso diba ayaw mo?” chenle lets it out in all frustration.
The interview is for their research, where these kids want to know the effect of the one that got away from their present relationstionship of present self. A very broad topic to engage in but they choose to study it because it is the only thing that is easier (they thought) and more interesting than the other given topics.
In Sicheng’s “self” defense he wants to keep it taboo as much as possible rather than to trigger an old wound that he might regret opening up again. So losing the argument here they are, standing outside sk/y dome under the heat of sun together with teenagers who seem to be so much excited about finally seeing their idols. It was really mysterious, because unlike the other concert that he went to there's no huge banner of artists, only their band’s name which sounds pretty mysterious too. Alab.
“Bakit walang picture? Pangit siguro asawa ng Prof mo” Sicheng butt in while sipping his frappe.
Chenle only chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. “Hindi ko alam to be honest, kasi ang na research ko lang about Alab was they don’t really want to show their faces or something kasi gusto lang nila mahalin sila ng fans nila through their music lang soo; Pero we’ll see, tsaka feel ko nga gwapo eh, kasi base sa itsura ng Prof ko na mukhang mama mary mataas ang standard niya”
Sicheng gags at his brother’s pun and ups his hands for a high five.
Half an hour had passed, and finally they were able to enter the concert hall. Sicheng sighs in relief as his skin finally touches the cool surface of the hall’s aircon. But before he can finally enjoy the air conditioner his brother grabbed his arm and dragged him to a seemingly private area of the hall.
“Sir Doyoung!!”
“Sir Doyoung!!”
“Sir Doyoung!!”
Three calls and finally the person “Sir Doyoung!!” He assumed Chenle's Prof finally looked at their direction and smiled, Sicheng feeling moved although he didn't know the Prof. He also gave them a warm smile for welcoming his presence.
“O, Chenle. I didn’t know you’ll take my offer seriously” The professor said, scratching his back.
“Sir, alam mo namang si Mr. Nakamoto nalang last straw ko”
After hearing Yuta’s last name, Sicheng felt nauseous. He doesn't know what to do or to react, everything feels numb. He was frozen, staring blankly to the man in front of him who he presumed to be Yuta--his ex boyfriend’s Husband. Knees weakening, He held his brother’s arm to support himself from falling, the professor noticed it and held his other arm.
“Are you ok? We can go to my husband’s waiting room na, you look pale are you sick? Kumain ba kayo bago?” Cutting his own words, Doyoung drags the siblings away from the crowd and enters a dark hallway filled with black curtains.
Not knowing what to do, Sicheng just let himself drag. His whole body’s weak, he lost it.
That’s the only word that pops up on his head when his body feels the electricity, when a familiar person’s gaze at him, worried.
“Mahal, please call your manager. This is Chenle and this is his Brother. Hindi ko alam gagawin mahal please” Doyoung cries in panic, as Sicheng looks like an over cooked vegetable in pale and colds.
Yuta held Doyoung’s cheeks “Hey, Love. breathe ok--” and that’s the only conversation Sicheng heard when he suddenly collapsed, luckily Yuta’s manager was about to open the door and was able to catch Sicheng. They hurried him to the couch and called the paramedics.
As everyone settles down, Chenle looks at his brother and sighs. “Hey, please breathe too. Baka ikaw naman ang mahimatay. I don’t think your professor can still take it” Yuta was the one who broke the intense worried look of Chenle to Sicheng. Doyoung on the other hand is sitting on the couch where Sicheng lays, brushing the younger’s hair and making sure that no one’s interrupting Sicheng’s rest. Meanwhile Yuta patted Chenle’s back to comfort him. “Ikaw kasi, hindi mo ata pinakain” he jokes that makes the younger at ease and crack a small smile.
“Sige na, pwede mo na ako i-interview. Your brother’s just resting, take the time here kasi hindi ko alam kung i’ll be available after con” Yuta started and gave Chenle a small smile,taking advantage of the said free time, Chenle despite feeling the shutdown of his excitement due to what happened opens his bag and pulled out his questionnaire.
They were about to start when two other guys suddenly walked into Yuta’s room.
“Oh…” Johnny--Yuta’s bandmate reacts as he saw a familiar face, yuta looked at Chenle as a sign to his best friend which Johnny immediately understood, Taeil on the other hand is confuse so he looked at Johnny for an answer but only got a “Dun na lang siguro tayo sa waiting room natin, baka magalit si Doyoung may nag papahinga” like a cue, the band mates left Yuta’s room.
And that’s where Chenle started the interview, asking psychological co-related questions about his TOTGA--Sicheng to support their Thesis statement.
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“Okay Sir. Nakamoto for the last question. Do you regret leaving your EX or your TOTGA?”
“No”
“Solid no po ba Or may karugtong? Chenle teases and looks at Doyoung who just playfully rolls his eyes. Yuta cracks a cheeky smile and mouthed his husband i love you where Doyoung teasingly ignored it.
“Solid no talaga, kasi the night we broke up. I asked him if he’ll be happy without me and he said yes, so who am I to forbid that happiness for him kung hindi na siya masaya sakin diba?”
Chenle who’s taking notes was moved by Yuta’s answer so here he is coming up with a follow up question “Sir. if you don’t mind me asking, did you write a song about that certain person?”
“Yes and Doyoung knows about that, have you heard of Hiling? That's the song for him, i wrote that like a week after our break up and our producer loves it so... I yea hahahha”
Chenle grins to his Prof and makes a peace sign. “For Sir Doyoung naman, naiinis ka ba na sinulatan ni Sir. Yuta yung totga niya?”
“Sometimes hahahhaha” he jokes and sssh himself.
“I’m kidding, no actually. Kasi that's where their band booms. Tsaka hello, it’s all about me now” he again cracks a joke, Yuta on the other hand laughs and gives Doyoung an approved sign.
“Plus, I'd always be thankful to that person for making Yuta the man he is right now--” Doyoung wasn't able to finish his sentence when Sicheng immediately stood up and bowed.
“Pasensya sa abala”
Bowed
“Chenle, call me nalang pag tapos na i’ll wait outside”
He says rushing over to the room’s door to exit himself despite being weak and legs wiggling. Everyone looked at each other on a sudden walk out, then Chenle bowed too.
“I’m sorry for what happened and from my Kuya’s behavior”
Meanwhile, without location in mind Sicheng found himself crying outside the venue sitting on the edge of the hall while hugging his knees, with heavy sobs he kept asking himself.
“Bakit parang wala lang sakanya?
“Bakit ako nandito padin? Naghihilom?
“Maghihilom pa ba? “Bakit?”
He asks in between sobs. Chanting in mind his whys, suddenly his phone buzzed multiple times
Messages from: Chenle
“Nasan ka ba?”
“What’s with you today?”
“Sobrang daming araw ngayon pa talaga?”
“Please be safe, i’ll wait sa parking lot.”
Wiping his tears he let out a big sigh and pulled out an old film.
Am I too selfish for believing in our love that you’d stay that night?
Am I too selfish for expecting you to stay that night?
Am I too selfish for expecting you to understand that I'm just tired that night?
Tangina, Nakamoto. Napagod din ako, pero ni minsan ba iniwan kita?