Work Text:
Daisy rushed out of the library after her discussion with the Dowager about William and headed back down to the kitchens. Once she got downstairs, she put away the bucket and shovel that she used to deal with the upstairs fires and went into the kitchen to start prep for the upstairs dinner.
"Daisy!" Mrs. Patmore shouted in her standard way, though more concerned than usual, "Whatever's the matter?"
"Nothing Mrs. Patmore!" Daisy said with a squeak
Mrs. Patmore looked at Daisy sadly before nodding at her, "Alright then," she said, not believing her but not wanting to push Daisy before she'd willingly tell her. Mrs. Patmore sat down at the little table with a cup of tea as Daisy started pulling out the vegetables that would be needed for the meal. As she was peeling a carrot somebody bumped into the piano that was in the servant's hall and a few notes were heard through the downstairs. When Daisy heard the piano for the first time since William had left for the war it felt like she had been stabbed in the gut and she started to cry.
"Daisy?" Mrs. Patmore asked when she noticed the state that her kitchen-maid was in.
"Mrs. Patmore," Daisy said after she took a few deep breaths, "Can I walk down to the village?"
"What? Right now?"
"Yes, please? I'll be back before we have to start on the upstairs supper!"
Mrs. Patmore sighed, but something about the state of the girl made her give in, "Oh, alright, but be back in two hours!"
"Yes, Mrs. Patmore!" Daisy shouted as she ran upstairs. She didn't bother to change her dress; she was in such a hurry she grabbed her hat and coat and raced back downstairs and left before anyone could stop her.
As she made her way into the village she thought more about her conversation with the Dowager and the phrase 'it sounds as if you loved him a great deal' was going around in her head like a never-ending carousel. She knew she didn't know what real love was, she thought what she felt for Thomas was love but she had never been so wrong in her life. Her parents never showed her any love and tossed her out the minute she could earn, and the only affection they showed each other was to yell at each other than make a lot of noise at night when they wouldn't be wearing any clothes. William had cared for her even when she had been awful to him, even on his death bed his main concern was that she'd be looked after, she'd never had that from anyone before.
When she reached the village, she hesitated for a moment before walking to the churchyard. She stopped when she reached the gates and noticing that she was alone she slowly walked over to where there was a small row of white crosses sticking out of the ground and stopped in front of one. In the indifferent black script, it said:
Private William Mason
North Riding Volunteers
July 26, 1918, Age 24
Daisy stared down at the white cross for a moment, unsure what to do, and then she spotted a wildflower sticking out of the ground and she smiled thinking how much William preferred wildflowers to the perfect ones that were on display upstairs at the Abbey. Remembering how he would care for the horses in the stable and how he would perk up when he'd get a letter from homemade her gather her courage and she started to speak to the white cross.
"I'm sorry William," Daisy said sadly, "I didn't love you properly, not the way you loved me, but I think I do, maybe always did. No one's ever cared for me the way you did before, and I hope you know that I appreciate it. I wasn't good to you, I know that, if I could go back and change it I would. You were so sweet and so kind, and you agreed to be my friend even after everything with Thomas. I wish we could've had more time together, for us to court properly and for me to realize I loved you while you were still here, for me to meet your dad in a nicer way." She stopped and swallowed quickly before continuing on, "He invited me to the farm, he wants me to see where you grew up. I wasn't going to go but I think I will now. I was worried I'd be false to him like I thought I'd been to you, though I think it'll make him feel better, at least I hope it will, to know that someone else misses you as much as he does." She sighed then continued speaking, "I'll never forget you; William and I hope that I make you proud." Daisy suddenly remembered the loose wildflowers that were growing nearby, and she picked up a few to make a small bouquet and tied it together with a loose ribbon from her hat. She gently placed the small bouquet at the base of the gravestone, when she stood up, she looked down at the stone and gently said, "Goodbye William."
When she turned around to leave, after another few minutes of just looking at the stone, she realized she felt as if a great weight had been lifted off her chest and that she hadn't felt that calm since before William was shipped off to France. And as she made her way back to the Abbey, she felt calm and assured in the knowledge of what she was going to do next.
When Daisy got back to the Abbey, Mrs. Patmore noticed that Daisy looked considerably better than she had when she left, "Feeling better, Daisy?" Mrs. Patmore asked the girl.
"Yes, Mrs. Patmore, much better," Daisy said calmly.
Mrs. Patmore raised her eyebrow at the girl in confusion, "Alright, then get back to work."
"Right away Mrs. Patmore!" Daisy yelped then quickly got to mixing the batter for the pudding that night, and Mrs. Patmore knew that tonight it would not be salty.