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“You’re coming later right?” Kun asks Ten with evident worry in his voice. He had just invited the younger for a fancy dinner tonight, that’s what couples do, right? “Yes, I will,” Ten replied before he hung the phone, leaving Kun confused.
It has been weird the past few weeks for Kun, both of them have been busy with their jobs but whenever they come home it is not like what it used to be or what it's supposed to be. They used to run into each other’s arms once one of them came home and enjoy a simple dinner while talking about their long day, finding comfort within one another and forgetting the stress that was caused by their busy workplace.
But it has been different lately, Kun would come home and Ten already finished eating his meal. While he is eating his dinner and attempts a conversation with him the latter replied shortly and busies himself. When it was time to sleep Ten always puts a pillow in between them but Kun removes it. He hugs Ten expecting him to return the hug back (like he used to) , instead it ends up with Kun back hugging him.
It was time for their dinner at “The Vision” restaurant. This is where they first met, where they spent their special third date (they became boyfriends that day) and this is where they celebrated some of their achievements together, being happy with how far they have come.
Kun was sitting there at their spot, the staff already knew the couple so when he called to reserve they already knew where they would sit. It was a little corner, a bit private and away from the other tables, they felt like they had their own booth or space so the both of them loved it so much. The restaurant was pretty crowded but the ambience was comfortable.
A few more minutes and there he was, entering the restaurant with one of the waiters guiding him to their table.
“Hi” Kun said with a large smile on his lips, he stood up to hug Ten and give him a kiss on the cheek. “Hello” Ten responded to his lover with a small smile. They both sat again and started to pick up the menus. Kun had his usual seafood pasta while Ten had a little change with his order, he ordered a vegetable salad with some grilled chickens.
“So what's the occasion?” Ten asked while playing with his fingers.
“Nothing, I just wanted to see you, I know we see each other everyday back home but I just really missed you” Kun replied then gave him a warm smile. Ten just stared at him blankly and right on time, their food had been served. Ten averted his attention to his salad and Kun just stared at him, smile dropping.
“So, how was work today?” Kun asked, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable silence that surrounded them
“It was okay, not that exhausting today” Ten replied, not making any eye contact with Kun
“That’s nice! But you should still take care of yourself, you know sometimes when you choreograph it could be difficult....” Kun started rambling on how Ten should always take care of himself until Ten cut him off by putting a hand on Kun’s shoulders across the table and replied, “I know, I have always been taking care of myself so don’t worry” then he gave Kun a small smile before picking up his fork again and eating his salad. “How about you, how are you?” Ten asked.
Kun was surprised, he was so happy in those short seconds where it felt like everything was normal again, he started to talk about his day until he saw Ten nodding while looking down. He stopped talking because he knew that the younger’s mind was on something else and he wasn’t listening. Kun sighs.
“Ten” he called and the younger only replied with a hum. “Ten please look at me” Kun pleaded. Ten heard the sad tone that was evident in his voice so he looked up and met Kun’s eyes, both of them already knew. Both of their eyes started to water. It was suddenly silent again, a silence that felt heavy.
Ten exhales and starts the conversation he has been trying to avoid. It was hard for him but he had to, he needed to and he knew it would be good for both of them and Kun could see it, the way the younger fiddled with his fingers and the way his body talks, he knew it was coming and he didn't want to hear it.
“Kun I’m sorry” Ten said while biting his lip trying to stop the tears that might come down from his eyes.
“I love you” Kun replied, trying to run away from what Ten was going to say. He knew that it was time, he wasn’t stupid. He knew why everything between them changed the past few weeks. Ten’s tears started to roll down while shaking his head no while Kun wanted to stand up and run to his car but no he waited until Ten spoke again.
“Kun, I’m sorry. I really am, I love you too but please let me go.” Ten said while crying. “Did I do anything wrong?” Kun asked, still trying to fight his tears from falling down.
“No, no” Ten said while shaking his head, “That’s the thing Kun it hurts how you did not even do anything but I, I feel tired and I just want to give you all the love I don’t think I have that love to give you anymore. I want us to continue but I can’t because I feel so empty and drained. I know this sounds corny and cliché but I want to find myself. I don’t want to hurt you anymore just because I can’t give you everything you deserve and I don't want you to wait for me” Ten continued, crying harder when he met Kun’s eyes.
Kun didn’t say anything for a while, he just smiled with watery eyes. He thought it was silly, this was Ten breaking up with him, yet all he could think about is how much he loved and adores the other. Ten felt his heart shatter. He saw how Kun was still looking at him with fondness, he loves Kun, he still does but he felt exhausted. He wasn’t exhausted because of Kun, he didn't know why he felt exhausted but he knows it is not because of him, Kun did nothing but love and care for him endlessly.
Maybe it was himself, he started losing his passion for art lately and hasn’t been dancing much. He doesn’t know, that is why he wants Kun to let him go. He wants to find out, he doesn’t want to depend on Kun anymore. Maybe someday they will find their way back to each other. “Come on, Let’s go. I already paid for it earlier” Kun said while standing up. Ten was knocked out of his thoughts and was flustered, he didn’t know what to do so he just followed Kun out of the restaurant.
They ended up at the park which is just across the restaurant, it was late already and they both stared at the stars while sitting on a bench, with a tall dim lamp beside it. It felt like a scene from a movie, just the two of them next to each other, both were silent and the tears had stopped, both were calmer and the silence was more comfortable than the one in the restaurant.
“Ten I respect your decision, I understand you, I always do” Kun started “I will let you go but remember that I will always be here for you. I really really really love you” Kun exaggerating the “really” and it made both of them chuckle. “I hope you find yourself and when you do, my arms are still open, ready to welcome you back” Kun finally stops looking at the stars and looks at the person beside him, the one he loves. Ten also looks at him and smiles “Thank you, I love you too” he replies while both of them are staring at each other’s eyes, Kun nodded and smiled back.
The two parted ways, Kun decided to sleep at his friends’ house since they offered. They knew something was wrong and he already got scolded by them when he didn't open up while Ten goes to their house and packs his things, he is moving tomorrow, going back home to Thailand. He took a hiatus from his job and thankfully they let him take the time he needs. When Ten finds himself again, he will definitely come back to Kun’s arms again.