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During one snowy winter night at the Avengers compound, two of the team’s members receive a rather cryptic and strange message from one of their teammates on the little group chat that they have. Although weird and unprompted, it’s not that uncommon an occurrence in their day-to-day lives.
Stranger things have been known to happen to the group of superheroes.
But that, in turn, only serves to worry them a little bit since, being used to the other’s shenanigans, they know to expect “the worst”. Still, nothing can ever prepare them for whatever is happening that could prompt Tony Stark to summon his friends and colleagues at a moment’s notice. At least, that’s what Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanov have come to learn after years of being friends with the engineer.
While Steve is concerned about what could probably spur his friend to text him something like that, not only requesting his presence but that of anyone he encounters on his way out, Natasha is already suspicious of the older man’s motives behind the impromptu assembly nowhere else than the open backyard covered in snow and during a chilly night. In their minds, nothing good could come out of a situation like that. Yet their curiosity ‒and reasonable preoccupation‒ is enough to make the both of them comply with Tony’s demands.
When the Cap and the Widow finally make it outside with Sam, Scott, Wanda, Vision, and Rhodey in tow, they’re met with a sadly hilarious –yet slightly disturbing– image. Sitting on a bench, amidst all the white and untouched snow covering the soil around them, are Bucky and Clint. The former is wearing an expression of utter regret, wallowing in his latest life decision, while the latter looks completely embarrassed.
The curious thing about the scene, and presumably the reason why Tony –who’s standing aside while holding his phone in front of his face, barely containing the laughter dying to leave his mouth–, is the kind of compromising position the two men find themselves in: Clint has his tongue stuck to Bucky’s metal arm.
And as soon as those newly arrived realize what’s going on, half of them also pull out their phones and start either snapping pictures or taking videos. In response, Bucky can do no more than hide his frustrated face behind his flesh hand, muttering about “curiosity killing the cat”.
“How did this even happen?” Steve asks in bewilderment, being the only one that can compose himself quickly enough to interrogate his two teammates on how they ended up like that.
The Captain couldn’t help the initially surprised chuckle that left his mouth. But now that the shock has worn off, he is more concerned about the wellbeing of his friends. Both mentally and physically.
“More importantly: how did you allow this to happen in the first place?”
Natasha inquires next, using an accusing tone of voice while she looks first at Barnes and then at his best friend, waiting for answers that she knows the other two are unwilling to give.
“And whose idea was it anyway?” She continues after a few seconds of silence go by.
Still, no answer from neither of the involved parties. In the end, she just decides that it was most likely Clint’s idiotic idea.
“I’m filming this and posting it to Twitter right away,” pipes in Sam with sadistic glee, enjoying the two men’s suffering and embarrassment.
In reality, Wilson isn’t really considering doing something as crass as that, but threatening to do so serves to humiliate the others that much more.
“My biggest concern is how we are going to detach them from each other without injury,” comments Vision, evident worry dripping from his otherwise monotone, English-accented drawl of a voice.
The synthezoid is already analyzing ways to solve the little problem, pretty much ignoring most of his teammates’ behavior and antics regarding the incident.
“Why did you think that this was a good idea?” Wonders Wanda out loud, question directed more towards Barton than Barnes, being as aware as Romanov that the archer must’ve been the mastermind behind the whole fiasco.
However, she can’t understand how the older man could really consider that to be a good plan to execute.
“Can’t you regulate your arm’s heat? Couldn’t you just have melted the frozen spit before he even got stuck?”
Rhodey is the next member to question, being one of the only voices of reason out of the entire group gathered outside the compound, standing in the freezing weather around the two idiots.
The Colonel finds their predicament pretty funny, but ‒in his own words‒ he isn’t as much of an asshole as his best friend.
“His arm can do that sort of thing?” Scott asks Rhodey, getting no answer from the older man since it was a rhetorical question anyway.
“Damn, dude, that’s so cool,” he then tells Bucky, turning in the direction of the poor man stranded on the metal bench.
As always, Lang’s attention span and priorities are different from those of his peers.
“The temperature regulation system is busted. I’ve been meaning to get it fixed for a while now,” explains a tired Bucky, sighing in resignation at being made fun of just because he indulged Clint in one of his stupid ideas.
The Sergeant is already regretting not only agreeing to Barton’s proposal but also not making sure to remain undetected by the others until he could solve the issue on his own. Although, that would’ve probably been really tough to accomplish anyway.
“Good thing you didn’t do it yet, though. This is pure gold,” says an amused Tony, who continues to take pictures from different angles, wanting to document the occurrence for future use. Especially, in order to show Peter.
“Now, now, don’t glare like that. Give us a big ol’ smile, champ,” admonishes Stark, wanting to mockingly encourage the younger (older) man.
Nevertheless, the only reaction he gets is an even deadlier glare thrown his way. That doesn’t deter him from making more jokes and jabs at the expense of the two withering men, though.
“Khaan sondwan phleath helph meh?!” Clint pleads with barely understandable words, having trouble talking with his tongue still glued solidly to Bucky’s arm.
Out of the two men involved, he’s the one having the worst time, considering his position is the most compromised one.
“Yes, please,” agrees Barnes, defeatedly asking his teammates for help.
And at the two idiots’ pleas, Rogers and Romanov move in unison, helping them to get back inside and away from the cold and the other Avengers, who don’t fail to trail behind them. After all, they are eager to see how this whole shitshow ends.
After the proper safety precautions are taken, in order to keep Clint from being hurt, the team manages to diligently detach the two appendages from one another, effectively freeing the two men. The conclusion is a little anti-climatic, but it still has everyone more or less happy with the favorable outcome. And once the “excitement” blows over, Bucky is finally willing to explain (only to Steve and Natasha) what actually happened and how he and Clint came to be in such an uncomfortable position.
Turns out that Barnes was always curious about his arm and the metal property to freeze saliva when cold. He, of course, couldn’t do it for decades, and even after being free from Hydra, he didn’t dare to test out his theory. At least not until Clint approached him with the same wonder and proposed that they try it out since Bucky didn’t know if it would work or not. And because Barton was volunteering to be the test subject, Barnes decided to give it a go. That’s how they ended up out in the cold, waiting for his arm to get frosty enough.
“And that’s what happened,” ends Bucky with one last frustrated sigh, letting all his pent-up weariness and exhaustion go with that single breath expulsion.
The man’s about ready to collapse on top of his bed and let sleep wash away all the bitterness of the humiliation endured earlier.
“You two are such big idiots,” concludes Natasha, scoffing and snorting at what she just heard.
The former Russian spy can’t believe that two of his best friend, such cunning and resourceful men could be so moronic to even stoop that low. But then again, she can’t honestly say that she’s surprised.
“Sorry, Buck, but I have to agree with Nat on this one,” adds Steve, grimacing at having to side with the woman over his best friend.
It pains him a little to see the other male scold unapprovingly at him, yet he smiles apologetically in return, hoping to be able to get in Bucky’s good graces soon enough.
“Whatever, I’m going to sleep now,” mutters Barnes, annoyed at the continued teasing from his best friends.
If he could, he would go to sleep and not wake up until the whole thing has been long forgotten, but he knows life isn’t that kind. At least not to him.
And exactly because of that, Buck had asked Steve and Tasha to talk to them in private since he didn’t want Stark to find out about the embarrassing back story to the even more humiliating scene.
Unfortunately, little did he know that Tony had F.R.I.D.A.Y. streaming the entire conversation right into his lab, thus finding out how the whole thing went down and planning to use it someday to mess up with both Hawkeye and the former Winter Soldier. Truly, life isn’t kind to anyone.