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The clock kept ticking and the fan in his room kept turning, with no consideration for Junwan's barely beating heart. He was looking up at the ceiling of his room, completely still. His breaths were short and shallow and his heart felt like it was about to burst out of his prone and naked chest.
The room felt cold despite the heating doing its best and Junwan wanted to bury himself further in the blankets below him, hoping they would be able to quell the dread that was starting to creep up his arms.
One breath.
Two breaths.
Happy thoughts.
Why are you so fucking sad all the time, he wanted to scream at himself. Why him ?
His breaths quickened as his hoarse coughs grew wetter. Goddammit. As if being a depressed lump of misery at 2 in the morning wasn’t enough, he was going to have to start crying too. The elastics over his chest tightened as he looked for something to distract him.
Ringgggg.
Junwan snapped his head to the direction from where the sound was coming from. Just beside his face, laid his phone, now glowing with Ikjun’s call id. At this time ? Wasn’t he supposed to be at the hospital, Junwan contemplated, his earlier panic forgotten over the peculiar phone call.
He shifted his body, wincing at the creaking of his bones at the movement. He clicked the accept button and laid down in his earlier position once more and stared at the ceiling, trying to collect himself to the best of his abilities.
“Junwan ?”, Ikjun’s voice rang out.
Junwan replied, “Yea ?”, his voice hoarse with the tears that had started to collect under his lash line.
“You okay ?”, his voice sounded heavy with an emotion Junwan couldn’t quite place. For a moment Junwan’s voice choked up even more. How was he ever supposed to answer that ?
He paused for a few seconds, letting him collect himself, before speaking, “ Why do you ask ?”
“Why are you avoiding my question ?”, the voice was shaky on the other end, confusing Junwan even further.
“I’m fine, are you happy ?”, Junwan snapped, his annoyance growing with his childhood friend.
The line was quiet for a minute or two, Junwan couldn’t really tell.
“I love you”, the words were so soft that Junwan would have missed them if it weren’t so quiet in his room. He took in a sharp breath and his eyes widened in absolute surprise as he snapped his head towards his phone.
“I don’t think I tell you that enough”, Ikjun continued despite that silence on Junwan’s end, “I’ve been watching you for the past week”
Creep, Junwan wanted to say, but his voice just wouldn’t work. Words stopped at his tongue as he waited for him to speak.
“You’re trying to hide it, I know. But Junwan, are you okay ?”, Ikjun was pleading now, “Please be honest with me”
Junwan’s voice stuttered audibly and Ikjun could hear him now, he was sure. “I’m there for you, always even when I don’t say it.”
This time Junwan gasped even louder as his stubborn tears finally left his tear ducts, pouring down his face haphazardly. He grasped at his chest, hoping it would quell some of the pain that had started to resurface.
Ikjun continued, through the ugly coughs and cries wracking Junwan’s chest, “I love you. I love you so much ,please don’t forget that”.
What Junwan didn’t know was that Ikjun was crying on the other end as well, grasping at straws on how to help him. How to help his friend who was hurting so so much. He knew he’d do anything for Junwan, so how could calling him cost him anything ?
Despite the way that his entire body pained at the call, he was glad. Glad that he called Junwan, just so he could help share some of the burden that clung to Junwan’s tired soul.
With no one there to judge the way that their hearts broke in each other's hands, they wept at two in the morning.
And there had never been anything more comforting.