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Cullen stared at the ceiling not really taking in the wooden beams or the leaves of the aspen that poked through the hole in the corner of the roof. Instead his mind was replaying the events of the evening while his left hand lazily traced circles on Evelyn’s bare shoulder. Occasionally, he would press a gentle kiss to the top of her head which was cradled on his chest, his sword arm holding her tight. The smell of her permeated the room - gardenias, Andraste’s grace, and of course, licorice. He couldn’t remember a time he had felt so at peace, so whole as he did right then. Evelyn for her part was fast asleep, nearly motionless except for cuddling closer to him when his grip on her relaxed at all. This night was perfect - as much proof of the Maker’s love and provision as he would ever need.
The day itself had been very long. He admitted as much when Evelyn appeared in his office that night. He hadn’t even noticed her slip in the door as he handed out directives to his lieutenants. Then he looked up and saw her standing beside the door with her hair down and her back pressed against the wall. She looked pensive and was fiddling with his lucky coin - holding it near her lips while she turned it over slowly in her fingers. The effect was mesmerizing. He quickly dismissed his men, saw them out the door, and shut it firmly.
His thoughts had been a jumbled mess most of the day. He kept trying to find the right way to tell her how much he needed her - not just physically although Maker knew he wanted her desperately. He needed reassurance that she wanted more than just what they had shared to that point. Yes, he wanted to have sex with her, but he also craved intimacy and a sense that their relationship could be something lasting, long term.
It was a lot to try to put into words, and he had fumbled through the whole thing when he tried to tell her in person. Even if his words were halting and unsure, he could tell that she understood his intent. Those moments between the words leaving his lips and her responding were some of the longest of his life. He remembered being so nervous that he turned from her and began to play with papers on his desk. Then she’d said, “Do you really have to ask?” as if her love, commitment, and desire should have been self evident.
She was sitting on the edge of his desk, and he had to be closer to her - needed to kiss her, touch her, show her how much he loved her. As he leaned in, she shifted her position knocking over a vial of headache remedy. Something inside him broke as the vial shattered on the floor. He was done second guessing himself and cleared the entirety of the desk with a swipe of his arm. Papers, a half-filled wine bottle, an ink well, and Maker knows what else went flying across the room. He began kissing her hard as he encouraged her to lay back on the desk.
It might have been a grand romantic gesture to most women, but his Evelyn was not most women. Her body was tense beneath him and although he could tell she wanted him, she was not with him fully. He stopped and pulled back from her. She hid her face in her hands and said, “I’m sorry. I’m trying, but I just can’t...” He shushed her and said that he could wait which made her angry. “No, I want to, but you’ve just made this enormous mess. All I can think about is that the papers are going to be wrinkled, and one of us is sure to cut a foot on all that glass in the floor. Can I just... just clean it up? Then I’m yours... I promise.”
He stifled a laugh and said, “Alright, I’ll help.” She smiled broadly.
“It’ll go faster if I use my magic.” she offered making sure it wouldn’t bother him.
He gestured for her to go ahead and was amazed at her power and control. First, she made a lifting motion with her hands while staring at the glass littering the floor. The vials and bottles which had shattered into tiny pieces reconstituted themselves without even the tiniest of cracks visible. She set them aside then began to use force magic drawing all the liquids into a single puddle. Then she somehow levitated the mixture, spun it into disc form, and froze it mid-air. She grabbed the frozen disc, opened a door, and tossed it off the battlements. Cullen stood in awe as she worked. He had been around many mages but had never seen one with such precise control of their gifts. Given his general distrust of magic, he found it odd that the entire display was amazingly arousing to him. But life with her was always full of surprises.
She then stooped down and began to collect the papers by hand.
“No magic for paperwork?” he questioned.
“You said you’d help pick up. I’m giving you a chance.” she said teasingly.
They had made quick work of stacking the papers, and then she sat back on his desk beckoning him to come closer. He had started to kiss her in earnest when a door flew open and a courier came in with a giant birdcage. Cullen’s office had three doors, and in his ardor he had only locked one.
The moment was awkward, but not nearly as much as it could have been if Evelyn had resisted the urge to clean just a few minutes earlier. The messenger - who for once was not “Bad Timing Jim”- explained that Sister Leliana was gifting the raven to the Commander. Leliana hoped he wouldn’t feel the need to “borrow” any more of her birds now that he had one of his own. He told the page to thank the spymaster and then locked all the doors to his office once she left.
At that point, Evelyn proposed a strategic withdrawal to his bedroom. He readily agreed as the reality of desk sex was not living up to the fantasy of it. He held back as she climbed up the ladder to his room enjoying watching her rear sway as she moved up the rungs.
Once they were both in his bedroom, she put her hand up as he moved in to kiss her. “Cullen, just one request. Go slowly - okay? This isn’t my first time, but it is the first time in my life I’ve had an opportunity to enjoy this.” He must have looked confused because she had continued. “You were a Templar. You have to know what it is like for mages in a Circle. Sex is something punishable, forbidden. Whatever you have is fast, feral - and there is the constant threat that you’ll be caught. I want to feel safe and loved. Can you do that?”
“Absolutely.” he had said. And he had spent the better part of the night fulfilling her request. Their first time was hesitant, passionate, awkward, sweet, and intense. As his eyes began to grow heavy with sleep, Cullen thought how he looked forward to spending the rest of his days cherishing and guarding this treasure of a woman asleep in his arms.
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Evelyn woke up before Cullen, and to her amazement she felt well rested. She had slept soundly without the aid of alcohol or sleeping draughts. Insomnia and nightmares left her irritable and exhausted most mornings. The scant hours of sleep she typically claimed came near dawn and were ordinarily interrupted by someone encouraging her to “not sleep the day away.” But last night she had slept hard - waking in a tiny puddle of drool on her pillow. It was glorious.
Stretching out her limbs, Evelyn looked over at Cullen. He had kicked off all his covers and was snoring lightly. Evelyn considered rousing him for morning sex, but she thought better of it knowing how much she hated being woken up. She felt antsy, so she pulled the covers back over Cullen and then slid out of bed. Not quite sure what to do she set about collecting her clothes and getting dressed.
She was lacing her boots and planning a trip to the kitchens to get them breakfast when Cullen began to stir and moan. It was obvious he was having a nightmare - a bad one if his rapid breath and jerking limbs were any indicator. She reached out to comfort him, and he woke with a start. She jumped a bit out of surprise and then reached out for him again.
“Bad dreams?” she asked knowing the answer.
“They always are. It is worse without the lyrium.” he said with a pained look. His expression changed again to one of concern, “I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“You can let me worry about you a little.” she answered wishing he understood that her need to care for him was as great as his was to protect her. Leaning forward and putting her forehead flush with his, Evelyn whispered, “I love you, you know.”
“I love you, too.” he said and sunk back into the pillows with a satisfied smile. Part of her wanted to join him, but she knew that all of Skyhold would be awake soon and demanding both of their attentions. “I thought I’d get us something to eat. Any requests?”
He sat up and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Just one... stay.”
Gladly. she thought as she let him pull her down on top of him.