Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The rickety woodwork of the solitary dock betrays its age, darkened and damp by the lakeside water. It seems well worn, edges uneven, perhaps nipped by the tide and the cold. Miko's feet dangles off the edge, feeling the caress of the cool autumn wind on her knees with the water kissing her toes. She wiggles them, watching the water ripple with every movement she makes. Her barely used fishing rod lay discarded next to her.

Sunset has come. Around her the leaves dance and twirl their descent in a festival of autumn colors, gliding with the wind. Her eyes follow some of them as they fall onto the water, floating and ebbing along.

Her mind, however, wanders off far beyond the view in front of her – farther than the little pocket of serenity on this corner of the countryside. It lands somewhere, on a particular someone. She envisions the figure as she closes her eyes: a gloved hand firmly grasping at the mic, beautiful blue irises sharp with focus, singing songs in a voice that makes Miko’s chest hurt and feel alive at the same time. She loves that voice more than she lets on, really.

Whenever Miko thinks of Suisei, she always seems to picture her in a studio or on a stage. Her radiance rivaling the blinding lights and fixtures all around her. Her beauty unmatched even amongst the scenic magnificence in front of Miko’s eyes. Yearning seems too deep of a word for Miko to consider, but it’s quite possibly what’s squeezing her heart right now.

Miko sighs, kicking the water with more intensity this time. She took three days off from work to gather her thoughts – which were spiraling into advanced stages of disarray that even she wasn’t acquainted with – opting to spend time with her family. She’s capping off this first day of vacation with a relaxing lounge after attempting to fish with her grandfather. She had to quit halfway through the boat ride, feeling extreme motion sickness from even the slightest pitch and yaw of the dinghy, unaware that her constant panicked movements exacerbated the rowboat’s instability. She threw up, felt like she was going to pass out, and still had no fish to show for it.

She lost again.

Her grandfather laughed, ruffled her hair, and deposited her back onto the docks, promptly sailing away once more to resume his fishing. The dizziness in Miko’s head remained for a few hours, but as the remnants of it subsides, she kind of misses it. At least, when her brain was tumbling around the confines of her skull, she wasn’t thinking of Suisei.

It’s not like she doesn’t want to think about Suisei. It’s just that—

She drops her head in her hands, wanting to shout or scream or release all this pent-up frustration inside of her. Instead, she lets out a weak, infant-like grunt of frustration. It’s the next best thing.

Thoughts are fine, she tells herself. They’re pretty normal, even. Her mind is no stranger to Suichan’s visitations, which has steadily increased over the past few years or so. But what is less-than-fine is the… implication behind it. Something that she isn’t really ready to face yet. Something she isn’t even sure of yet.

She buries her face deeper into her palms. Please, she begs, urges, downright scolds herself for what may be the thousandth time,

Stop it, Miko.

I can see myself falling for you

Two days later…

Miko notices a few things as she stirs awake. Consciousness comes in a series of waves: the awareness of something heavy occupying her left arm, the tuft of hair tickling her nose, and the warmth from an exposed waist her right arm is draped over.

What comes last is the realization that it’s Suisei who’s lying beside her, the girl’s forehead inches away from Miko’s lips.

Wait, Suichan ?

Miko’s brain is still muddled with sleep, operating at half-capacity. She pulls away a few inches, wanting to get a good look at her companion’s sleeping face. But as she moves her leg, which is trapped between Suisei’s thighs, she feels the girl in front of her shift.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Suisei’s voice comes gently, without a hint of sleepiness or exhaustion in her tone.

Pretty blue eyes look up at Miko. She can only look back for a few seconds before casting her gaze elsewhere.

“N– no, it’s fine,” she responds, traces of grogginess still evident in her voice. “You haven’t slept yet?”

Suisei hums in affirmation, burrowing her face in Miko’s neck. “Nope. I missed you,” She says, arms wrapping around the shrine maiden, holding her close in a tight hug.

A chuckle bubbles up from Miko, “So you break into my apartment, Hoshimachi?” She smooths out the hiked-up hem of Suisei’s shirt downward to cover the exposed skin of the girl’s waist, her thumb caressing the now hidden area over the fabric, absentmindedly trying to warm her up. “Aren’t you freezing?” she adds, almost like a whisper.

“Hug me so I don’t feel cold, then. Also, I didn’t break in,” She can feel Suisei huff against her neck. Miko giggles. “I know where you keep your spare key.”

“Wow, that’s terrifying. Good thing I hid all the knives.” Miko murmurs teasingly as she buries her nose in the mess of Suisei’s hair. She obligingly returns the embrace, bringing the comet closer to her until the space between them diminishes into nothingness.

“Shut up,” Suisei laughs.

The faint blue glow of the twilight surrounds the bedroom, clashing in a space usually bathed in pink. Underneath the early morning mist is the faint mechanical whirr of the AC. Being back home is comforting. Three days and two nights staying elsewhere wasn’t long by any means, but it was long enough for her to miss the familiarity of her own apartment. She tries not think about how that still pales in comparison to how much she missed the person she’s holding now.

Miko can feel Suisei steadily breathing against her neck. She glances at the clock to distract herself, noticing it’s 5:23AM.

“Suichan,”

“Hm?”

Miko stops to think for a moment. She could ask why Suisei practically broke into her apartment and plopped down next to her while she was unconscious, but is it really something she wouldn’t expect from Suichan of all people?

Has it happened before? Well, yes. Did she almost get a heart attack, fall off the bed, pull several muscles and sprain several ligaments when Suisei sneaked in Santa-style for the first time a few months ago? Of course, but that’s besides the point.

Miko decides to settle on a more reasonable question. For her safety. “What time did you arrive?”

“Around… two hours ago? Something like that. I finished up late with work and headed here. Subaru told me when you’d be returning home, but she had no idea what time you’d be here, so I figured you’d already be in your apartment by the time I arrived.”

Miko hears Suisei emit a tsk. It tickles her skin, causing goosebumps to rise, ones which she hopes goes unnoticed. “Also, a certain someone didn’t answer my messages,” Suisei continues, something akin to frustration in her tone. “And whenever I tried to call, the line was dead.”

“I have a reasonable explanation for that.”

“Oh yeah, Sakura?” Suisei moves away from her position underneath Miko’s chin to look at her, eyes aglint with mild annoyance. She’s accustomed to this look, one that teeters the line between serious exasperation and playful frustration. It’s almost always the latter, but the tone this time indicates the former more than anything else. “Let’s hear it then. Because you didn’t even tell me you were going away.”

Miko smiles sheepishly, “I… tweeted?”

Suisei rolls her eyes. “Yeah, that you were taking a break, no details or anything. You know, if we had a pillow right now, I’d hit you with it. You don’t even have a blanket that I can strangle you with.” She mutters, ending it with an adorable pout, seemingly disappointed she can’t asphyxiate Miko with her pink, cat-printed comforter.

“Suichan is scary.” Miko laughs.

“You should be scared,” Suisei mutters, returning to her rightful place – nuzzling Miko’s neck. “I worried about you so much, you know.”

For a brief second, Miko wrestles with the idea of telling Suichan everything. But what would she tell her, anyway? Hey, Suichan, I’ve been obsessively picturing your smile before I sleep each night and keep checking my phone for any messages you might’ve sent me the instant I wake up. I’m practically going crazy!

Doesn’t seem to be a good idea.

“There wasn’t any reception up there,” Miko explains. It’s the truth anyway. “I also forgot to charge my phone on the way home. I just… I guess I have a lot of things on my mind. I felt like I needed a break.”

“Want to tell me what’s been on my business partner’s mind lately?” Suichan’s voice is filled with care and gentleness. It makes Miko want to do things decidedly unbecoming of a shrine maiden.

She mentally slaps herself to halt that line of thought.

“Uh… it’s nothing big. I just got overwhelmed with my thoughts, maybe.” That was a filthy lie.

“Hmm,” Suisei’s nose tickles the underside of her chin. “Well, that’s to be expected. Thinking isn’t your strong suit.”

Miko mocks an indignant tone. “Hey! What are you saying, huh!”

“Did it help?” Suichan suddenly interrupts, a serious edge in her voice. “Are you okay now?”

No, not at all. In fact, it’s pretty much worsening at an unprecedented rate.

But she can’t exactly say that, lest she worries Suichan further. “Yes, yes I am.” She runs her fingers in between light-blue strands, belatedly noting how longer Suisei’s hair has gotten. “I’m elite, after all.”

There is a bit of silence. Outside, the sky is starting to brighten.

“Don’t disappear on me again, okay?” Suisei says, too quiet to fill out the four corners of the bedroom, but loud enough for the ghost of adoration to ease its way further into Miko’s heart.

Disappear. She ruminates over that. Truth be told, it’s something she has considered. Hell, the trial run of it was her 3-day vacation that did nothing to alleviate the Suisei shaped thoughts continuing to tangle in her mind, forming even deeper knots that will take a lifetime to untie. It was a mental skirmish that clearly had no intention of resolving anytime soon, and Miko doesn’t want Suisei to be a casualty of the warfare in her mind. She doesn’t want to hurt her – god , that was the last thing she wants to do.

Miko knows that she isn’t exactly the brightest bulb in the box, but she’s aware of how a doomed, one-sided crush can turn out – not only for her, but for the object of her affection, as well.

Seeing no other option, she decides to bury her feelings deep. If she can’t run away, then she’ll hide it away. For Suisei’s sake.

Miko kisses Suisei’s forehead, allowing herself this moment of weakness; this tiny reprieve. “Okay.”

Three things are certain in this cold, harsh world – death, taxes and every photo taken by Mikochi being so blurred beyond recognition, it qualifies as a surrealist abstract piece of art. Suisei frowns, flicking through the gallery on Miko’s phone to check for pictures that are, at the very least, comprehensible by the human eye and without a stray finger blocking a corner of the screen.

Suisei reaches the end of the roll. No such luck, unfortunately.

“Wow, Mikochi. Was there an earthquake or something? It’s like you took a pic of me during the splitting of Pangea.”

Miko rolls her eyes and snatches her phone from Suisei’s grasp. “It’s really cold! C’mon, I’ll retake it.”

Suisei chuckles. “Okay~”

She hops back towards the statue and she poses as she did before – squatting very un-idol-like and throwing not one, but two peace signs with her arms crossed. A very schoolgirl delinquent type of pose, perhaps with a little flavor of bosozoku since Suichan is trying very hard to contort her face into something more menacing.

It intentionally borders on absolute dorkiness. Miko tries to restrain her laughter, her cheeks puffing, attempting in vain to hold it in so she can take a stable shot. Suisei changes her pose, opting to make it more awkward. Miko loses it. “Why are you like this…”

“Take the photo, Mikochi!”

“Pose like a normal person first!”

Suisei sighs loudly – exaggerating it as much as she can, the drama queen – and stands up. Miko steadies herself and angles the phone to get a better shot, but then the object of her undying affection, the girl literally of her dreams, proceeds to do a very competent reenactment of Yellow Ranger’s iconic post-henshin pose from Super Sentai.

The laugh that escapes from Miko is a loud one and it echoes, bouncing against the fragile looking porcelain walls of the hall. Her whole being is shaken by the hilarity. “Suichan, I can’t! You’re making me laugh, you idiot, I can’t take the photo!”

Suichan raises her eyebrows, trying to look innocent. “What? This pose is very high fashion, you know. I see models do it.”

“More like otakus in a convention.”

“Eh? What did you say?” Suichan playfully threatens, taking a step forward with her hands balled into a fist in front of her, like she’s ready to throw hands.

Miko smiles, thumb hovering over the shutter icon. Perfect. “Dorkymachi, say cheese!” She snaps the photo without warning, the flash catching Suisei off guard as she pauses mid-step.

Suisei blinks away the phantom light from her vision and then she dashes forward, trying to snatch the phone. She shouts, saying she wasn’t ready that time and Miko, in typical toddler fashion, teakettle-wheezes at her in response, running away. “Oi, Sakura! Get back here!”

The two of them are in a place they themselves wouldn’t expect to be in – a very ostentatious museum heralding works of art from around the world. The walls and floors are polished bright, accentuating the sterile and cold atmosphere often associated with huge, metropolitan museums. The wing they’re in is dominated by towering marble figures with each groove and edge of slate-white stones sculpted to utmost perfection – the kind of attention-to-detail born out of a labor of love and mastery of a skill only a few possess.

And here’s Hoshimachi pointing at a shriveled private part of a naked statue and pulling at Miko’s arm to try and stop herself from howling with laughter. Miko isn’t any better. She’s hunched over, tearing up and almost dying. They’re struck with how juvenile they’re being at the moment and they laugh even harder.

“Want me to take pictures of you? You can do normie poses. I’ll only make fun a little bit.” Suisei extends her index finger and thumb, putting as much distance as she can between them, emphasizing her definition of a little bit . Miko snorts. “No, It’s okay.”

They’re walking at a leisurely pace – backtracking now – trying to retrace their steps to find the exit. It’s not like they’re lost or anything. But if someone were to approach them and ask what corner of the museum they’re in, they would most likely shrug their shoulders and say they don’t know.

Definitely not lost.

“Come on! I don’t have a picture of you.” She stops and grabs Miko by the shoulders, shaking her gently. “You have a ton of pictures of my beautiful face on your phone. I barely have any of yours.” The shrine maiden goes limp and lets herself be jostled like a ragdoll. “Suichan, no~”

Suisei lets go of Miko and gives her a pout, eyes doing their best to imitate a sad puppy’s. “Mikochi… please…”

“I sent you a lot of selfies!”

“Two hardly counts as a lot, dummy. And one was a picture of you when you got your haircut and it didn’t even have your face. Just the forehead upwards.” Suisei flicks her own blue bangs and swipes up, elaborating the coverage area of the photo in question.

“The other one had my face in it!”

“Yeah, but it was blurred as hell.”

Miko kinda wants to agree with Suichan on that. But her own pride tells her it was one of the more stable pictures she’s taken. Blurred, but halfway decent, damn it.

“How about we take a selfie together?” Suisei suggests, posing it as a question. Miko, however, knows her well enough to pick up on the demand hidden beneath it. She sighs and slumps her shoulders, feigning exasperation at her great defeat. She can’t hide the small smile growing on her face, though. She isn’t going to say no to Suichan, whatever her demands may be, but she’d rather get hit by a truck than let the other girl know that, of course. “Can’t be helped. Sure, Suichan.”

Suisei bounces excitedly, clapping her hands. “Nice, nice! Let’s take a picture together by that dumb painting.”

Miko smiles, “You sure do love art.”

“Don’t sound too jealous.” Suisei teases.

While the few around them sunk themselves deep into the atmosphere of high art and reveled at the displays of great human craftsmanship – finger to their chin, brows furrowed in deep concentration – the two idols strained their stomachs from laughing at the comically strangled expressions of the marble figures and the muted dots and single brushstroke paintings that Suichan said – quite loudly – was probably done by a four-year-old. Miko thinks there’s a good chance that both of them are just uncultured dumbasses roaming around somewhere they both didn’t quite appreciate or understand yet, but that isn’t going to stop them from having fun. And clowning in a museum is quite fun.

And it’s not that Miko finds any of the art ugly or boring or unimpressive, really. It’s just that the only beautiful art she would ever be interested in is right next to her already.

“Where to, next?” Suisei asks.

They had done a variety of things today – clothes-shopping earlier in the morning, eating at a yakiniku place for lunch, strolling the strip mall mid-day, and then landing in the city’s museum during the waning hours of the afternoon. Suisei seemed to have enjoyed everything that Miko had planned thus far, her boundless energy never seeming to tap out despite all of the walking they’ve done.

It makes Miko fall even harder, if that’s possible. She double checks her pulse and concludes, yes, it very much is.

Miko had organized the whole excursion (she calls it an excursion because she doesn’t want to punish herself by labelling it as a date), only texting Suichan the night before that she wants to take her out somewhere – purposefully neglecting to reveal any details – and then spiriting her off to a painstakingly well-planned itinerary that Miko had hoped Suichan would enjoy.

She would be hard-pressed to not feel smug right now, judging by the way Suisei’s hand finds hers and holds it tight, as if trying to excitedly coax out details from Miko about the next part of their not-date .

“Well,” Miko glances at her watch and decides enough time has passed; only fifteen minutes ‘til the main event. “I think the show’s about to start, so we really should find that exit.”

“Show? Are we watching a movie? Do we have enough time?! Mikochi, the nearest cinema is like 30 minutes away!” Suisei says in a slightly panicked voice, considering they aren’t anywhere near the exit yet and they’re getting progressively lost by the minute.

Miko laughs, entwining their fingers together and pulling her into a run. “We better get going, then!”

“ Mou , if we can’t find the exit I’m going to break a window to escape this glorified marble maze, I swear to god.”

–

“Wow, just the two of us?”

The awe in Suisei’s voice alone is worth the whole trip. She’s visibly amazed, her words coming out in a kind of whisper that only manifests itself when she’s encountered something breathtaking. Her blue eyes roam the wide, dome-shaped ceiling; various celestial bodies and distant images of deep space projected onto its surface.

Miko herself is in awe. Not at their private sky showcasing the magnificence of the universe. No, it’s the way the spectral colors of space cast neon shadows upon Suichan’s face with their violets and greens, making the aquatic hues of Suisei’s eyes glow in impossible bursts of colors.

“Mikochi?”

“Y– yeah?” She blinks, finding herself grounded once more. The two of them are standing in the aisle of the planetarium theatre. The fluorescent lights are off – cut a few minutes after they entered the room – and the only thing illuminating the both of them are the stellar scenery above their heads.

Suisei vaguely gestures around them – at the empty seats and the absence of people, save for the two staff members standing idly by near the entrance. “It’s just the two of us?”

Miko nods, “Uh huh. I booked the whole place for this slot.”

“You’re kidding me. Really? How’d you score this?”

“Because I’m elite.” She smiles at Suichan and wiggles the pamphlet, drawing attention to it. “Also, I checked their site and the FAQs stated that they do accept renting out the place. I managed to book a great timeslot for us weeks in advance. Probably because not many people do this, weirdly enough.”

“It’s pronounced F-A-Qs not fuck yous.” Mikochi reddens, flushed with embarrassment as Suisei continues like she didn’t just make Miko question her whole vocabulary. “Also, I’d imagine it’s because it’s easier to get flowers or, you know, give a plushie to someone.”

Mikochi gives her a soft smile, “Why would I give you a small gift when I can give you the universe?”

Oh, shit. Mikochi wants to smack herself in the face. Suisei’s expression suddenly becomes unreadable as she falls silent. It’s something that Miko hasn’t encountered before and that fact alone makes her feel a tiny bit terrified. She definitely stepped out of line and made everything weird, didn’t she? It’s not her fault, her stupid mouth just shot off that line by its own volition!

Before Miko can apologize and slink down to her knees to dogeza , Suichan responds with a soft smile of her own, shaking her head and looking up at the dome. “Mikochi, that was cheesy as hell.”

Miko’s heart calms as she laughs, relieved. She makes her way to a seat somewhere in the backrow – the most optimal seat, according to her research – with Suichan following suit. The show starts once Miko gives the staff the signal – which is mostly just her waving her hand and making a thumbs-up sign – and then the ethereal orchestral music swells in, followed by the slow emergence of the starfield gracing the view overhead.

Constellations upon constellations greet their eyes, zooming towards each as if they were spacefarers in search of a new home. Mikochi reads off some of their names. Or, well, attempts to, "Canes... Ve- vene- venatici. Cassi.. Cassiopea? Cassiopea. Ca... me... lo... Camela... Camelopar–"

Suisei lays her hand atop Miko’s, which were gripping the arm rest. "Mikochi, maybe you should stop before the staff thinks you're having a stroke."

“Hey!”

They both laugh as the dome travels to stars both familiar and unfamiliar.

“Suichan?”

“Hm?”

Miko glances at her, noting how engrossed Suisei is with the space show. “Do you have a favorite constellation? A favorite star?”

Suisei’s gaze doesn’t leave the screen but she hums in thought. “I don’t think so? They’re all so beautiful. I think each one of them is magnificent in their own right. And there are so many of them. It’s like… It’s impossible to choose. How about you? Do you have a favorite one, Mikochi?”

Miko’s gaze doesn’t leave Suichan’s face. “I… I do.”

This time, Suisei does look at her. Perhaps because Miko hasn’t elaborated on an answer. “Which one?”

“The brightest one.” She stares into those blue eyes. It’s not a lie. She does love one bright star in particular.

Suichan raises her eyebrows, looking back up at the dome and pointing a finger at a random bright star. “That one?” Miko doesn’t need to look to know Suisei’s got it wrong.

“Nope.”

“That one?”

“Wrong.”

“Oh, definitely that one?”

“ Buu-buu . Wrong again, Hoshimachi.”

Suisei huffs and Miko laughs. They fall back into silence after that, letting the celestial ballet envelop their senses.

At about the halfway mark, Suisei rests her head on Miko’s shoulder. “This must’ve cost a lot. You didn’t have to do this, you know.” Miko lets her cheek press softly against the top of Suichan’s hair. “I wanted to.”

–

When they leave the planetarium, they are greeted with an orange sky bursting in the crepuscular rays of a dwindling sun, slowly making its retreat towards the horizon. Next to her, Suichan stretches her arms upwards. “That was awesome.”

“You liked it?”

“ Liked it ?” Suichan snorts, looking at Miko incredulously like she just announced herself as the pope. “I loved it, dummy. It’s been a while since I went to a planetarium show. The last time was probably during an elementary fieldtrip.”

“Eh? You went to a planetarium as your elementary fieldtrip? That’s totally unfair!”

“Why, where’d you go?”

Miko gazes at the sky, trying her best to recall. “Um…” She comes up with a blank memory. “I don’t remember. All I can recall is falling asleep on the bus.”

Suichan chuckles and lightly bumps her shoulder against Miko. “ Ponkotsu !”

The shrine maiden pretends to bounce off a bit farther than Newton’s law intended. She laughs as Suisei reaches for her arm and pulls her back next to her side. “I really did enjoy it. I had fun the whole day.” She says in a strangely quieter voice. Maybe a bit too shy to let anyone else hear her gratitude. Suichan was never really good at being sweet. Not verbally , anyway.

“As expected. I’m a genius planner, after all.” Miko crosses her arms and tilts her chin up in pride. “Guess you have quite a bit of work to do to one-up me, Suichan.”

Suisei shrugs, “I’ll admit you have a knack for planning things. But proclaiming yourself to be a genius? I wonder…”

“Oi, oi.”

They walk along the boardwalk, talking about a lot of things and nothing in particular. Suisei breaks out into a song – an anime opening – and Miko joins her in singing the lyrics in carelessly strung together melodies, both of them high from the happiness brought about by today’s events. Their fingers would brush against each other from time to time and Miko wants to convince herself that its just Suichan seeking warmth from the cold weather.

“What did you do during your vacation?” Miko notices Suichan’s foggy breath as she speaks. The late fall season is almost transitioning into winter, and the people around them reflect the change. Most of the passersby are bunched up in thicker coats than last month, their hands hidden inside pockets or mittens or another person’s hold.

She wants to hold Suichan’s hand, too. But she dispels the thought.

“Fishing, sleeping, eating,” Suichan laughs as Miko recounts the ‘exciting’ adventures she partook in. “Oh, I also went camping!”

“Alone?”

Miko shakes her head. “No, I’d probably die if I went alone. Mom went with me.” She rubs her hands together, warming them up.

“Is it a good idea to camp during autumn ? Wasn’t it cold?”

“It was cold, but it was worth it just to see the sunset.”

Suisei’s eyes look past the edges of the boardwalk, searching for something far away. Her gaze, perhaps, as distant as the thoughts running through her mind. Mikochi’s not sure. “I want to go camping with you…” Suichan trails off.

Miko’s heart skips a beat. “But you don’t like bugs, Suichan.”

“You’re right. I don’t like bugs.” she suddenly deadpans.

They both laugh.

The blues of the sky is almost ravaged by the orange of the falling sun, and Miko is reminded of that camping trip she took with her mother. It’s the same feeling, the same biting cold, the same warmth in her heart. She didn’t know she could adore sunsets like this. But somehow, this one’s more special. More meaningful. All because she’s witnessing it with Suichan.

Miko turns and makes her way towards the railing, leaning into it, facing the ocean. Suisei leans as well, right beside her.

“Why’d you stop?”

She gives Suichan a warm smile, one that she hopes is as warm as the sunset in front of them; one that she hopes is as gentle as the butterflies that Suisei’s been giving Mikochi for the past few weeks, months, maybe even years.

“I wanted to see the sunset with you.” she says, as simply as she can, burying a thousand meanings behind it and hoping none of them show.

The vast expanse of the sea frames the tender moment – the sunset seemingly engulfing the ocean in hues of gentle flames. With fingers curled around the rusted metal bar, waves echoing in the desolate beachside, sunset framing Suisei’s face in perfect shades of tangerine, Miko realizes for the first time just how far she’s fallen for her friend.

As she grips the bar tighter, attempting to quell the disquiet in her heart and the shivers reverberating in her limbs, she can freely admit to herself now that she loves Suisei – loves her more than she’s loved anything else in her entire life. What comes hand-in-hand with this realization is the fear of losing her. Simply imagining it is giving her chest the dull murmurs of grief and pain, nudging her to reach a decision she’s been turning around in her mind for quite some time.

Being by Suisei’s side even as a friend is more than enough, she concludes. Confessing her feelings is just not an option, not when it risks losing the one person she’s grown hopelessly in love with.

As the sun says its farewell of the day, leaving them in darkness – so to does Miko’s hopes, leaving behind a dull ache in its wake.

Okay, so Miko swore to hide her feelings away, and she promises that she’s been good at keeping it under wraps for some time now. Probably a month and a half to be exact. She tries her best to act the same as she did before – before Suisei started to look less like a person she could grab a bite to eat with, talk for a few hours and forget about for the rest of the day, and more like a person she wants to lie down on a couch with and talk for hours on end, remembering every single mundane detail of their time together at the end of each day.

She swears she’s been doing good as she tips back another glass of liquor down her throat, scrunching her face as it settles into her stomach, warm and heavy. Her head, in contrast, is feeling lighter by the minute. And the self-imposed Suisei restraint she’s been keeping herself in is slowly bursting at the seams.

She looks around the room, finding the brownish-yellow light a bit of a nuisance. The izakaya they’re in is a quaint one, nonetheless. Small and intimate, it was chosen at the behest of their magnificent mischievous maritime misfit Marine Senchou. Subaru tagged along, presumably to keep an eye on them and to make sure they’re safe. She’s the only one with working braincells between the three of them, after all. Cluttered on the table in front of Miko are liquor bottles of varying types, all pretty heavy in their alcohol content.

“I feel like I’m going to be sick,” Miko says to no one in particular, trying to divert the topic at hand.

Subaru looks at her incredulously. “This is just our second glass, Mikochi.”

Marine smirks, driving her palm hard against Miko’s back. The pat almost collapses Miko’s lungs and she swears she saw a bright light just now. “C’mon, answer the question!”

“What’s there to answer?! And that hurt by the way!”

“If there’s anyone you like, senpai!” Marine settles into rubbing comforting circles on the area she had hit too forcefully. Miko isn’t placated. She shrugs her shoulders, trying to remove herself from Senchou’s touch.

This back and forth had been going on long before they even arrived at the establishment. It started during their off-collaboration stream earlier at Marine’s apartment. Subaru had caught Mikochi smiling at something on her phone and she made an offhanded, innocent remark of “Ne, Mikochi~ I wonder who’s got you smiling like that?”

Unfortunately, Marine was within earshot of this exchange and it snowballed from there. Subaru threw Miko an apologetic look not long afterwards, maybe during the fiftieth time Marine asked who Miko’s special someone is.

Frankly speaking, Marine’s doing a really good job of breaking her down. She feels like she’s about to blurt out Suisei’s name any second now, the liquid courage coursing through her veins egging her on. She isn’t much of a drinker – no, that’s an understatement – she isn’t a drinker, period. She wanted to hang out with her friends, to sit back and relax in a quiet corner. She didn’t realize they were going to purge their organs with alcohol that would knock out the entirety of a continent.

Wait, was this Marine’s plan all along? Invite them here to drink, all so Miko would spill something other than her breakfast?

“ Mou , I’m telling you! There’s… there’s no one.” She says rather weakly, her infant inflection slurring.

“Really?” Marine doesn’t seem to buy it. She raises her hand, getting the attention of both Miko and Subaru. She then proceeds to list off possible girls Miko is interested in, counting them off with her fingers. “Let’s see. We have… Ame-chan? Sora-senpai? Haachama? …Haato?”

Marine leans in, looking closely at Miko, and finding nothing out of place with her reaction upon hearing those names. And why would she? Sure, she finds all of them cute, attractive, and admirable, but she doesn’t actually talk to them except for maybe Sora. But her utmost reverence for Sora is far different from her feelings for Suisei. Marine slumps in her seat, disappointed by the lack of response from the shrine maiden other than a look of mild inebriation with more blinking than usual.

“You know, maybe Mikochi was just looking at a meme.” Subaru cuts in from across the table, attempting to deflect Marine’s onslaught for Miko’s sake. It doesn’t work, much to no one’s surprise. Marine is tethered to this topic and come hell or high water she isn’t backing down. Miko wants nothing more than to pass out.

Marine rubs her chin in an attempt to look contemplative. “That’s a possibility. But I caught a glimpse of Miko senpai’s phone earlier and it definitely wasn’t a meme. Also she’s a terrible liar.”

Miko pours herself another drink, filling it to the brim. Subaru’s eyes bug out at this. “Oi, that’s too much, you know?”

“It’s gonna be a long night,” she mutters, readying herself to down the glass in one go. Death by alcohol poisoning is a better prospect than the mess she’s in right now.

“I have a gut feeling it’s someone we know.” Marine says to herself, still racking her brain for possible candidates.

Subaru takes a sip from her glass. “Someone we know? How can you be so sure? Again, it’s probably just a funny post she saw.”

“Subaru, listen to me. Mikochi here is always off to the corner playing games on her phone. But this time, I saw a glimpse of her screen earlier and she was definitely messaging someone on Discord with a stupid smile on her face.”

“Eh… Discord? Is that why you think it’s someone we know?”

Marine nods, enthused that Subaru is following her logic. “Exactly. Also, it can’t just be a friend because Mikochi has been shaking like a damn leaf every time I ask her about it.”

“Hey, you two! You both know I’m still here, right?!” Miko slams her hands on the table. “That’s so disrespectful to me – your senpai! I’m a senpai, you know!” She pouts, looking more like a baby who was denied her toy. Marine’s eyebrows wiggle at her. “A senpai who’s down bad for someone.”

“Hah?!”

Subaru quacks, trying to calm them down. “Senchou! I think we should just drop this, it’s probably nothing…”

“You aren’t innocent here as well, Subaru senpai! I know about you and Luna!” Marine says, an accusing finger already pointing at Subaru.

“W– what the hell, Marine?! What’s there to know?!” Subaru stands up, clearly shocked at Marine’s abrupt shift.

Even Miko is dumbfounded by the sudden turn.

“Whatever there is to know!” Marine’s eyes somehow grow even crazier. But perhaps its just Miko’s inebriation imagining things. It’s really a tossup when it comes to Senchou, honestly.

“Oh, yeah?! Well, I know about you and– and… and…”

“ And who ?” The pirate challenges.

Subaru throws her hands up, frustration getting the best of her. “IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOU GO AROUND A LOT LIKE A HUMAN CAROUSELL THAT I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH WHO YOU’RE WITH!”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!”

“Marine, Subaru! Both of you, shut the hell up!” Mikochi’s uncharacteristically commanding voice conquers the room, making the two fall silent. Miko is just about to congratulate herself for a job well done of being a senpai when Marine suddenly lands a hard fist against the table, making the utensils clatter. “No! You WILL tell us, Miko senpai, or we won’t let you leave until morning!”

Subaru sits back down and looks at the little sign next to the light switch on the wall. “It says here the closing time is midnight.”

“We won’t let you leave until midnight!”

Miko finds herself in a hopeless position. And what does one do when backed up into a corner? In Miko’s alcohol-soaked brain, she decides to try for a lie, “Senchou, there isn’t–”

But like a cruel, twisted joke, Mikochi’s phone rings right on cue. It vibrates against the table, capturing everyone’s attention. What’s worse, Miko laid her phone screen-up, which meant the caller ID is painfully visible for all to see.

Suichan ☄

The three of them freeze.

It would’ve been fine if Mikochi didn’t immediately reach for the phone and fumble with the damn thing in a hurried, drunken panic, trying to turn if off and hiding it behind her back. But she did, and now Marine’s looking at her, realization dawning on her face in real-time.

“Ah,” Senchou covers her mouth with her hand, the shock making her pause for a second. “So… wait, it’s Suichan?”

“What?” Subaru leans in, eyes widening, clearly not expecting Suisei’s name to even be on the list. Marine’s eyes sparkle , absolutely ecstatic at the fact that everything is falling into place. “Shit, that makes sense,” she trails off like her brain is working overtime to complete the puzzle, finding it all perfectly aligning in their slots.

Marine concludes in a whisper, “So that’s why you look at her that way sometimes...”

“Wait a minute, Marine–” Miko tries for a final attempt at a feeble escape but Marine is having none of it.

“You’re down bad for Suichan, Mikochi! I can’t believe I didn’t see it! I heard you two hang out a lot but I thought, you know, it’s something like with Pekora but I was so blind . Are you two dating? Wait, no, don’t answer that. I don’t think you’re dating yet. You have that lovesick, lost puppy look that only happens when someone has an unrequited crush. I think you have an unrequited crush. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if you have a spare account dedicated to sending superchats to Suichan. I’m sure there’s a ton of pictures of her in your phone’s gallery, too, eh? You probably have multiple copies of her albums in your apartment. So what is it, Mikochi? Am I right?” Marine interrupts her with a barrage of accusations and questions, very much on a roll with her teasing tone. Miko reddens, realizing she isn’t exactly in a position to refute them because she’s simply… unable to. What Marine said is one-hundred percent true on all accounts. Also she is, in fact, a terrible liar so denying it will only cause her to dig her grave even deeper than it already is. Damn it, the alcohol is just making her more dumb!

She lets her head fall face-first into the table, an audible slam ringing out. Subaru jumps in her seat, shock coloring her voice, “Oi, Mikoti! Are you alive!”

Miko half-groans, wailing in a language only privy to infants. Marine laughs. “Miko senpai! Relax, I was only joking about the superchat thing! Wait– don’t tell me…”

She can hear Marine and Subaru gasp simultaneously. “Wait, wait, wait , you actually have a dedicated Suisei fan account? Holy shit?” Marine sounds genuinely surprised. Miko groans louder at that. She wouldn’t really call it dedicated. Sometimes she makes the mistake of commenting on Suichan’s livestream using her main account and it garners attention, unsurprisingly, which she’s embarrassed about— but wait, that’s not the point here.

She raises her head, an angry red mark stamped on her forehead. She gives her friends a good, measured glare. The best glare she can muster in her half-drunk addled brain. She wants to lie, say something that would place her far, far, far away from being presumed as being even mildly interested in Suisei. But she’s just so drunk and words can’t help but tumble out.

Looking away, Miko stutters out a weak “I… I do like Suichan.”

Subaru’s jaw drops. She quacks a distressed What? at the realization of where this conversation is heading. “Mikoti… Does this mean you like like Suichan? Like… honestly like her? Not just – you know – as business friends?” she inquires, awkwardly navigating through her question and trying to handle it as delicately as she possibly can.

Which is a futile attempt considering who they’re with. Marine is already looking like she wants to pull out a card and yell out Uno; a triumphant look plastered on her face upon solving Mikochi’s mystery.

Miko doesn’t see the point in denying it anymore when she’s already halfway through confessing. “Uh… Well,” She hesitates. Instead of continuing, she suddenly grabs the glass in front of her, surprising both Marine and Subaru with the act, and gulps all of its contents in one swift move. A move she calls: fueling up on more liquid courage.

“How did this even happen? When did it start?”

“Yeah, she’s like, different from your type.”

“Does she know? Have you told her?”

“It’s really Suichan? Mikoti, I did not expect this at all.”

Miko shrugs at their comments, trying her very best to decipher and decide which questions to answer first, not even knowing which inquiry belongs to who.

“I’m– I guess…” Mikochi slaps her own cheeks lightly. “I’m in love with Suichan”

The two look at her, wide-eyed, urging her to continue.

“I don’t know exactly how it started. I think, one day, I just realized that I loved her more than a friend. But… but it’s always been there, I think.” She supposes. And it might be true, in a way. Her affection for Suisei was akin to drips of water through a filter – subtle, quiet and unnoticeable. Overtime, it accumulated into a massive pool. And one day it just simply overflowed and burst.

She sighs, running a hand through her pink hair. “I noticed it when I started to want things. I wanted to hug her every time I saw her. I wanted to make her laugh, every chance I get…” She closes her eyes, conjuring up images of Suisei’s smiling face. “I wanted to make her happy… I wanted to hold her hand and be the reason her eyes light up and her heart races. Because mine always does when she walks in the room.”

Mikochi places a hand against her own heart, feeling it beat significantly faster as thoughts of her dazzling shooting star enter her mind. She can’t stop the smile that’s curving her lips. She can’t stop that sunset-colored warmth from entering her heart.

“She’s… she’s so cool. She’s amazing. She’s talented and capable and so passionate at what she does. She gives it her all and I love her for that. I love Suichan so much.” Her voice tapers off to a mere whisper. She sounds at peace with this – as if this particular realization has been cemented, and acceptance towards this overwhelming feeling has been met.

When Miko opens her eyes, she sees two pairs of teary gazes peering at her. “Mikochi~” Marine wails, enveloping her in the tightest, drunkest of hugs. “My Mikochi’s all grown up!”

Subaru swipes a finger at a corner of her own eye. “Ne, Mikoti… this is big. When are you going to tell Suichan? Are you even going to tell her?”

“Of course she is! Right, Miko senpai?” Marine pats Miko’s back, this time much more gentler than she usually would.

Miko sighs, shaking her head. “No. I don’t want to lose her.” She says resolutely, finishing it with a humorless laugh. “I don’t deserve her, anyway. She’s… she’s way out of my league.”

Marine’s fingers drum against the table. “Yeah, that’s kind of true.” At this, Subaru throws a crumpled up wrapper at Marine’s forehead, jolting the pirate in her seat. “Hey! I was joking , obviously! Jeez.”

“Mikoti, don’t worry about that, okay? You’re amazing. You’re elite, right?”

“That’s right, you’re wonderful Miko senpai and you’re cute and you’re… uh…” Marine rubs the back of her head, pretending to think of more things to compliment Miko.

“Marine! Don’t mess with me!”

The three of them laugh – the tense atmosphere from before dissipating into one of lightheartedness. She can always count on Subaru and Marine to consistently turn a situation into a better one. And while she never imagined letting anyone else know about her unrequited love for her close friend, her chest feels a little lighter somehow and her mind much more quieter. She’s thankful. Having all of this pent up inside her was difficult, to say the least, but it was an action born out of necessity.

Marine’s invasive insistence was of use, after all.

“If I ever do confess… do you guys think I have a chance?” Miko shyly asks, hesitance coloring her voice.

Subaru and Marine pause to look at each other. It takes a few seconds to pass before Subaru speaks, electing to go first. “Mikochi, I don’t know, exactly… It’s hard to say for sure. But..” Subaru shrugs and gives her trademark, energizing smile, “..trying is always better than giving up.”

Marine nods solemnly, looking decidedly un-Senchou-like with her serious demeanor. “While nothing is certain, Miko senpai, you know Suichan better than any of us. Go with your gut feeling on this. And I agree with Subaru senpai, it’s always worth a shot. At least you’ll know for sure whether or not she feels the same way – no regrets and unanswered questions.” Marine looks at her softly and Miko feels the thread of self-doubt start to unravel. “But if there’s one thing I do know about Suichan, it’s that she always sticks by her friends. She won’t leave once you confess, that I can be sure of.”

The phone rings again before she can process the wisdom imparted on her by a lewd pirate and a duck.

She stares at her phone, at the name flashing on the screen, quietly grasping how it came to mean so much to her. How one person can pervade her thoughts to such an extent that it almost dominates the entirety of her consciousness.

Marine nudges her shoulder. “Pick it up, Mikochi.”

She takes a swig out of Marine’s glass before she answers. She’s already ignored about five messages and one missed-call from Suichan – all because she was trying to hide the device from Senchou’s view – and while, yes, she does love Suichan, that doesn’t negate fearing her, specially in moments like this.

A voice that makes her heart jump suddenly slip out from the ear-speaker, sharp and fast. “Mikochi! I’ve been trying to reach you, god. I’ve sent thousands of texts already. Are you okay? Where are you? Are you still at Marine’s place?”

Mikochi stutters out a pathetic, “N– no. We’re at…” she pulls the phone slightly away from her ear and gestures at Marine. Marine mouths izakaya near my apartment and thankfully, Mikochi understands and repeats it to Suichan. “We’re almost done.” she adds.

She hears a crackle from the other end, presumably from Suisei breathing a sigh of relief directly at her phone’s receiver. “Good, you’re okay.” There’s an audible, pretty laugh. Mikochi smiles at that. “I’m done with work and I’ve been trying to reach you. I wanted to ask if you want to go home together. I’m near Marine’s apartment. If you’re not staying, we can ride home together.”

There’s a faint trickle of traffic noise behind Suichan’s voice. “Where are you?”

“Me? Walking to Marine’s apartment. I told you. I’m near.”

Miko attempts to stand up too fast, hitting her knee against the low table and making the whole room ring with the slam. The poor table, a victim to many of their beatings tonight, wobbles a bit. “Ow, ow. Okay, wait. Give me a moment I’m gonna run there right now!”

Suichan laughs even harder, “Okay~ Take your time. Meet you outside Senchou’s apartment building.”

Click . Suichan ends the call unceremoniously.

Miko stands up properly this time and shoves the phone into her pocket. She grabs her coat and pulls it on. “I have to go.” She tells Subaru and Marine, her voice a coming out in a hurried huff due to the whiplash of events tonight. The two of them smile, raising their glass to her. “Go get her!”

–

It takes a moment for Miko to gather her bearings. She breathes out and breathes in, bent over with her hands on her legs for support. She isn’t much of a runner. Or much of anything, to be honest. The run – arguably, a light drunken jog – took too much out of her that she’d be embarrassed if the situation allowed for it. Instead, she’s flushed with relief when she catches sight of Suisei, arms crossed staring blankly at a spot on the opposite street’s lamp post.

Miko opts to walk the remaining distance, feeling her heart thunder – not too sure if it’s from the exhaustion or the elation she feels when she sees Suichan’s delicate face. She finds her incredibly pretty right now and maybe that’s because she hasn’t seen Suichan for a week or maybe it’s the alcohol intensifying everything she’s feeling. It doesn’t matter.

“Suichan,”

Suisei turns and her eyes light up. “Mikochi– woah, you look red. Are you okay?” she places both hands on Miko’s pink cheeks, rolling them around her palms. Miko flinches at the feel of Suisei’s cold hands.

“I had a few drinks. Your hands are freezing, Suichan.”

“It’s cold!” She pouts, wrapping her arms around herself and shivering.

While the season is, in fact, very cold, Miko thinks this one’s on Suisei for being severely underdressed for the weather. “You forgot your jacket again, Suichan? Ah… you dummy.”

Miko shakes her own jacket off, pulling at it haphazardly and almost falling to the ground. She catches her balance and slides the coat off as if nothing happened. Suichan laughs at the display of absolute idiocy transpiring before her. Mikochi gives her a wonky smile and wraps the coat around Suisei’s shoulders gently, hands sliding down the girl’s arms to smooth out the creases but really just finding an excuse to touch Suichan a lot longer than necessary. She ends up holding Suisei’s hands and she lets them stay there, warming up delicate, freezing fingers.

“There’s my toasty Suichan.”

Suisei beams at her.

They walk along the sidewalk, towards the nearest convenience store, their hands still linked between them. Suichan squints at her phone, “Uber will be here in a few.”

It takes only a minute before they arrive at the store – a glowing beacon against the dark backdrop of the sleepy, city streets. It’s safer here with all the lights and the people roaming about inside. And this way, they can see their Uber ride much more visibly. Suisei suggested they wait here – which is smart, Miko thinks. And also considerate, since there are seats lined up right outside the store, suited for a buzzed shrine maiden such as her.

Miko plops down ungracefully on the plastic seating, grateful that her legs can rest a bit. Suisei stands in front of her, looking worried. Miko decides to placate her by leaning her own head against Suichan’s middle. The latter threads gentle fingers through Miko’s pink hair, pulling her in further, letting her lay her head firmly against Suisei’s stomach. Miko hums in satisfaction, the scent of the other girl filling her senses.

She knows Suisei’s grinning without having to look up, she feels it in her tone. “You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“Very.”

The comet laughs, then she clears her throat and pitches her voice a bit higher, “It's your shooting star, your diamond in the rough, idol VTuber Hoshimachi Suisei! Suichan is…”

Miko tilts her head a bit to peek up at Suisei. She squeaks, “…cute today, too!”

Suisei laughs. “Yep, super drunk. Can’t even tease me or lie, huh? After all, I do look pretty cute today.”

“It’s hard to think of lies when I’m sober.” Miko rubs her face against the fabric of Suisei’s clothing, like a cat. “And when I’m drunk it’s harder to think… in general.”

“So you don’t need to think to find me cute, eh?”

“Eyes are all I need to see that you’re cute everyday.” she mumbles, her face still pressed against Suisei, too afraid to check for a reaction. She feels Suisei envelop her tighter.

“Drunk Mikochi sure is smooth…” Her arm reaches down and rubs Miko’s back. “… smooth-brained .”

Miko couldn’t retort in time before a car’s horn interrupts them. “Ugh,” Miko wants to vomit, feeling nauseous at the sudden noise.

“Ride’s here, Mikochi!” Suisei slaps Miko’s back, causing her to sit up in surprise. Her lungs are definitely going to collapse any moment now.

“Mou , Suichan!”

Suisei laughs as she walks towards the car, pausing for a second to throw a wink at Miko.

–

They arrive quickly enough. At this late of an hour, traffic is scarce. Mikochi shoves the money at the driver and stumbles out of the car, losing her footing and almost falling to the pavement. Suisei captures her wrist just in time and stands her upright.

Soon, the two of them find themselves standing in front of Suisei’s apartment door.

“Are you going to be okay walking alone by yourself?” Suisei says, playing with the buttons of Miko’s coat. Miko thinks it suits her. If she thinks too hard, she’d know that she considers any item of clothing suitable for Suichan and she’s biased as hell. But she isn’t in a position to think right now so she merely nods in response to the question.

Miko notices through the windows that the lights inside Suisei’s apartment is on. Even in her intoxicated state, she knows Anemachi is awake, perhaps waiting for her little sister. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” She urges, tilting her head towards Suisei’s door. “Anemachi’s probably waiting.”

“I can walk you home,” Suisei offers. Miko shakes her head and says, “I’m only a couple of minutes away, Suichan. You really don’t have to worry.”

“It’s still a block away, Mikochi.”

“Still near.” Miko sticks her tongue out, proving her point has more merit. Suichan rolls her eyes but her smile hasn’t left. “Alright, alright. Are you sure you’re okay? You aren’t cold? Your jacket–”

“The alcohol… it’s– it’s keeping me warm enough. Don’t worry.”

They stare at each other, not really knowing what to say. Miko looks down at her feet, shuffles them, getting ready to break the silence. Maybe a farewell? No, she isn’t ready to leave yet. There’s still something that she wants to say. Not exactly a confession. She doesn’t think she can do that right now. But there’s something still in the air that’s left unsaid tonight between the two of them.

“You look like you’re going to give me a parting kiss.” Suisei suddenly interrupts.

Emerald eyes widen. “I wouldn’t…” Miko trails off.

Suisei leans in slowly, commanding every ounce of Miko’s attention at the act. Too close, too close. “You wouldn’t?” Her voice is low, the kind of low that makes Miko’s brain a functional white-noise machine.

Miko’s eyes drift down from blue irises, landing on delicate, impeccable lips. They look soft. She swallows, feeling her mouth impossibly dry.

“I… I would.”

Those lips curve into a smile. And for a moment, Miko’s life flashes before her eyes before feeling something break inside her brain. Oh god, she’s going to go full senile.

“Thought so.” Suisei laughs. She backs away, looking absolutely smug.

Miko wants to retaliate. Wants to wipe that smugness off of Suichan’s face. Preferably by kissing her. Yeah, that’d show her.

But she doesn’t. Instead, she reaches out her hand and trails a thumb down the smooth skin of Suisei’s cheek, ending on her chin and holding it gently, as if she’s holding the most precious thing in the world. Suisei leans into the touch, an action too subtle, too quiet that she doesn’t realize it until they’re already at eye-level. Miko tips her head forward, resting her forehead against Suisei’s own. Their noses – red from the cold – lightly brush against the other.

She stays like that and Suisei lets her. Because of course she does . Suisei lets her get away with so many things. She can close the distance between their lips and she knows Suisei would let her. And in this drunken state, Miko is finding less and less rational thoughts prohibiting her from doing so. One small movement is all it takes and she gets to make her dreams a reality.

But at the end of the day, that isn’t true. It wouldn’t mean anything because Suisei doesn’t feel the same way. In fact, it would be so much worse, because it would mean taking advantage of Suisei’s kindness. The thought overwhelms her and she pulls away, a sudden jolt of sobriety piercing through her.

“Good night, Suichan.”

She turns and walks away, using every ounce of her dwindling sanity to keep herself from looking back at Suisei a second longer. She knows it only takes a second – maybe half of it – to let go and do something that will ruin their friendship forever. A half-second mistake for a lifetime’s worth of loss. Miko can be selfish, but for Suichan, she will never be.

She doesn’t hear a reply to her goodbye. Maybe there isn’t. She figures that’s for the best.

Chapter Text

The first day

It’s gotten to the point that Suisei can accurately mimic the automated voice message perfectly – tone, diction, pause, timing, everything, really. She even impressed herself at one point when she flawlessly repeated along with the robotic voice telling her that Miko’s phone is unavailable right now, please try your call later.

She lets out a tsk, ending the call and scrolling back to Miko’s Twitter profile. No updates. Just the same last tweet notifying everyone of an abrupt (but totally not serious!!) three-day break.

Yes, even that tweet is something she can recite unprompted, word for word. She can even draw the exact kaomoji used if she were given a paper and pen. It’s practically burned into her retina by now. From the moment she read that tweet since early this morning (not that early, she woke up pretty late), she’s been trying to contact Miko, refreshing her Twitter page, and asking others where the girl went off to.

No one knew.

There was a brief moment of relief when she heard that – at least she wasn’t the only one who was in the dark. Everyone was. But that relief was quickly pushed aside; a dash of worry and a small pinch of confusion growing in its place. Why didn’t Miko tell her?

She pockets her phone and shrugs off her knapsack, dropping it on the leather couch in the lounging area of the recording studio. With the back of her sleeve, she wipes a sheen of sweat off her forehead and she sighs deeply, sure that the onset of dizziness clamoring its way to her head is a result of worrying over a certain shrine maiden rather than the generally uncomfortable surrounding. See, the room is as stuffy and hot as it was yesterday and the days before that, and Suisei had done well enough to brave through their overpowered turbo-heater during those times. She’s been a staple of this place for the past week that she’s sure her skin had already acclimated to their free-trial-to-hell HVAC. Except for the first day. That first day, she made the mistake of wearing her coat and she almost passed out from a heatstroke. A heatstroke in the middle of October. Incredible.

She shakes her head, plopping down unceremoniously onto the couch, right next to her bag. Against her better judgment, Suisei pulls out her phone again and opens up Miko’s Twitter. No updates.

Refresh.

Still no updates.

She turns off the phone and tosses the device onto the coffee table, letting it slide as far away from her as possible. She’ll wear down the damn power button if she keeps this up, that’s for sure. It’s better, she thinks, if she lets her mind focus on work this time. Avoid any and all thoughts of Miko to prevent her brain from overthinking and overheating. So she does – she tries her best to think about work. To think about the upcoming recordings and practices and performances lined up the following days, weeks, months–

As if on cue, she feels some phantom tension grip her shoulders. She breathes in and arches her back, trying to relieve some of the tightness curling against her muscles. A tension brought about by stress or exhaustion or even a hybrid of the two.

It’s a busy season for her, so it’s not a mystery that her body’s acting up. In fact, it’s more accurate to say that it’s been a busy year. She can barely remember if she ever had more than a day’s worth of rest. But it’s not like she hates it. She thrives on it. She’d go as far as to say she loves it, even. It’s just that sometimes—

She lets her head fall back on the backrest of the sofa, grunting at the absence of cushioning and hearing a thonk reverberate around her skull.

She utters a small ow and continues her interrupted thought: —It’s just that sometimes, well, she hopes there would be days she can afford to spend. Spend with someone. Someone she likes. Okay, she’ll stop skirting around it – she wants to spend time with Miko. There. She can let herself think about Miko during this tiny fraction of a second.

“Hoshimachi-san, everything’s ready. You can come in now.”

She stands up a bit too abruptly, her already dazed head spinning even more now. “Ah, t– thank you.”

The staffer nods and returns back to the control room, leaving her alone once again with her thoughts that are disavowing her executive decision of avoiding anything related about Sakura. She wants to worry later. She knows herself too well – if she doesn’t stop, Miko would just monopolize her focus even during work. And that’s no good, right?

But, damn it, her hand is already itching to check her phone.

Lunch break comes and she just can’t help herself. She jumps at the first opportunity to pull out her mobile device, swiping it open and scanning the contents with quick precision. Her heart stops – literally stops – when she finds a notification from Discord.

It promptly starts up again in utter, absolute, unmitigated disappointment once she sees it isn’t from Miko. Her frown, the one she didn’t know she was holding, deepens further. She opens the bird app and already expects the absence of an update. Her expectation is correct.

Suisei sighs, feeling a sense of sadness. It’s already been half a day since Miko’s I’m taking a three-day break, guys! tweet and she’s feeling kinda perturbed by it. Has Miko spoiled her with attention too much, to the point that even a few hours without it is putting Suisei in the throes of mild discontentment?

She shuts off the device and lets it bounce around in her hand, passing it to her left hand then to her right, weighing it, juggling it, preventing herself from flinging it far away. She bites her lip as her mind inquires to no one in particular, Mikochi, where are you?

But wait— she opens the phone again (holy hell, she’s really going to wear the power button out) and checks the unread Discord notif she had received. Messages from Subaru!

Suichan! I messaged Mikoti right after she put up the tweet. She replied but she didn’t say where she was going to

Suisei’s heart drops. She reads the next line.

But she did mention that she’s fine and she’s going to return the day after tomorrow, around evening. She didn’t manage to reply after that ww

Well… that’s still news. Running a hand through her hair, she types out a quick thanks, grateful that she was given even just a morsel of information. It’s really out of character for Mikochi to just up and disappear with little to no explanation, but knowing that she’s okay did settle that worried voice at the back of Suichan’s mind a little bit. Subaru’s message comforted her to a degree, but she still can’t shake that uneasy feeling.

A good day’s work leads her in the brink of passing out, head leaning against the backseat window of a turtle-slow taxi. The traffic is… grotesque. They’ve spent too much time in this corner of the street – gridlocked with no signs of movement – that she’s almost at peace with the fact that she’d grow old here and die. The sea of tail-lights glowing red and the flickering halos of the streetlamps illuminate the evening, mundanely hypnotizing.

She feels for her phone in her pocket.

There’s nothing to do and she’d be a few hours here, anyway. And work is done, so it’s fine if she jumpstarts her thoughts about Mikochi again, right?

She wants to laugh at herself. Who is she kidding? Traces of Miko still pushed through her mind during her recording sessions earlier. She’s really got to get a hold of herself next time.

Next time.

But this time? She’s going to try to call again.

Bathed and tuckered out, she lets her body collapse onto her bed. She feels for her phone under the mess of pillows and checks it. Nothing.

Instead of continuing her routine of calling and refreshing, she opens up her gallery and peruses the photos of Miko she had saved. There were two that Miko herself had sent before – both really stupid to be called a proper selfie. Thankfully, she has a few decent ones that the dork didn’t know about. She had asked Flare and Polka to steal some when the three were hanging out without Suisei during one of her most busiest days.

She smiles when she stops at one image in particular. Her favorite one. The picture was of Miko, looking up unassumingly at the camera while mid-slurp with her ramen. Noodles hung from her mouth, the other end still submerged in the bowl. Her cheeks were puffed full and her eyebrows were raised in surprise.

Moments before disaster, captioned Flare when she’d sent it to Suisei. She loved this picture a lot. Whenever she felt too tired from practice or too overwhelmed before a performance, she would pull it up and just let herself smile. Sometimes she’d laugh. God, she’s already probably intimately familiar with every pixel of the photo. It just perfectly encapsulates that cute, childish idiot that took her heart and ran.

It’s always the green of Miko’s eyes that gets to her when she looks at it. It’s striking the way that it would shift into shades of chartreuse.

She places the phone to her chest and closes her eyes, letting exhaustion overtake her consciousness.

Her dreams that night were peaceful – pink and filled with squeaky laughter.

The second day

One might ask how Suichan has come to this. At exactly what point did she become this way when it came to Miko?

She really can’t remember.

When she closes her eyes and tries her hardest to turn back time within the confines of her memories, she is met with a brick wall. She can only recall bits and pieces of her first encounter with Miko: the slow upward turn of the girl’s shy smile, the awkward silence after uttering formalities, the way Suisei swept her nerves under the rug to strike up a conversation. The strange, unique feeling of knowing each other’s existence but only seeing each other for the first time outside of a screen.

She only has a handful of puzzle pieces left from that moment, having lost most of them to time. But still, one thing remained the same – her heart never did find its rhythm whenever Miko was around.

The first time she met Miko, she chalked it up to nerves. The second or third time, still nerves. But the seventh, twelfth, thirty-fourth time it happened, she couldn’t blame it on the old shakes anymore. Maybe heart arrhythmia, but the specificity of its occurrence was suspicious, to say the least. Also, she’s young. Cardiovascular problems shouldn’t be a problem at her age, right?

She’s been in front of a crowd of thousands, been interviewed in major television programs, appeared alongside significant personalities, yet the nervousness she felt with Miko was something else entirely.

There was something strange going on. And, to her credit, she caught onto it real quick.

A crush – the result of a years-worth of admiration and adoration for a girl who’s as hard-working as she is hard-headed. What started out as respect for Miko had turned into something that made Suisei’s heart skip beats like a scratched, antique vinyl.

It happened so often enough – so consistently, even – that she thought it had disappeared, akin to how the choral clicking of the cicadas outside would blend into the dusk’s quiet melody.

It felt like it disappeared. But the cicadas never did stop singing.

And so that feeling – that particular kind of nervousness that would hold her heart in a vice-like grip – didn’t vanish, exactly. It only became familiar; a comfortable strangeness that always hummed in her chest whenever Miko would smile her wonky smile, or laugh her tea-kettle laugh, or do something incredibly pon that it further pushes Suisei’s adoration for Miko into something much more, causing her feelings to grow from a sapling to a full blown forest.

So to answer the question of when – There wasn’t a certain day or a specific moment to pinpoint, exactly. After all, when would one realize the beginnings of a cicada’s melody?

All Suisei knows is that Miko makes her happy with her presence alone.

But her absence? Suisei is starting to learn that she doesn’t like it. In fact, she’s starting to outright detest it. She knows its the thrum of irritation pulsing at the back of her neck when she turns off her phone – an action she’s repeated for what felt like a thousand times in the span of two days. On, off. On, off. On, off. Ad infinitum.

Her agitation’s gotten to the point of noticeability. Her choreographer gives her a pointed look and nods towards the phone that Suisei’s gripping with force. “Something happened?”

She shakes her head and shoves the phone back to her pocket, feeling like it would hide her anxiousness if she hid the source of it. She excuses herself and walks back to position at the center of the floor to continue practicing, ending her five-minute break abruptly.

Suisei is stubborn and she knows this about herself. She wants to break in— Wait, no, it’s not breaking in. She’s using a key. A spare key. Without the owner’s knowledge? Well, yes. But the owner knows her and she isn’t going to steal anything or burn down the apartment. She just wants to check for, you know, any clues or maybe to see if Miko’s there? She nods to herself, satisfied with her line of reasoning.

She stares at Miko’s apartment door.

…What the hell is she doing?! How did she think this is a good idea? Her feet – by its own volition, promise! – traced the path towards Miko’s apartment building and before she knew it, she was right in front of Miko’s door, itching to open it. She probably looks weird right now and if someone were to pass by— and yes, wow, right on cue, a woman and her child awkwardly maneuver behind her, giving her a strange look and walking faster when Suisei returns their gaze.

Suisei decides to book it out of there before she gets blacklisted by the apartment complex.

The third day

“You sure are distracted.”

Toko slides in the remark while Suisei is packing up her belongings. She’s been peppering comments like that the whole day, taking note of Suisei’s uneasy and restless behavior throughout the show.

The late night is winding down to a calm hum. Tokomachi radio wrapped up moments earlier and the studio is no longer abuzz with its usual on-air energy. Suisei feels the tension from the past few days dissipate a bit at the comfort and familiarity this segment affords. After all, doing the radio show with Toko is one of the rare moments of work where Suisei feels most at home in. Mostly because she treats these types of things less like actual work and more like sitting back and just hanging out with one of her best friends. Maybe that’s why it’s special to her and she feels at ease – a contrast to her chaotic and stressful schedule filled mostly with recording sessions and dance practices and stuffy meetings.

But apparently, her anxiousness still broke through. Her friend is attuned to her too well and reads Suisei like the back of her hand, asking, “Is it Miko?”

Suisei stops shoving her belongings into her backpack and sighs, dropping her head. “Am I that obvious?”

Humu, humu, Toko softly says, the corner of her lips turning into a teasing smile. “Kind of? I don’t think there’s an Ensta event or an episode of your favorite Anime airing tonight. But you’re…” She makes a vague gesture with her hand, “…rushing.” She throws a look at Suichan’s bouncing feet, up-down, up-down, as if prepping for a run.

How in the world did Toko know it’s about Miko?

“I saw Miko’s tweet.” Toko elaborates, answering the unspoken question. Suichan mouths an oh of understanding. Knowing her friend, she guesses Toko has probably pieced together what’s bothering her and is just confirming things.

“Three days is up now, right? She should be back today.” she continues in a prodding tone and Suichan recognizes this as Toko’s attempt at getting her to open up.

But she doesn’t really want to talk about it right now. Instead, she shrugs her shoulders, lifting the bag and slinging it on one arm. “I don’t know. Probably?” she attempts to feign disinterest, trying to hide the excitement in her high-pitched tone but her voice cracks. Toko picks up on it fast. “Is that why you’re rushing to get out of here?”

“Am not!” Suisei says, weakly defending herself as she exits the room noticeably quicker than usual and making her way towards the elevator lobby.

Toko catches up and bumps Suisei lightly by the shoulder, urging her. “Come on, I know you miss your crush. You’re probably dying to see Miko right now.”

While that is true, Suisei groans to keep up appearances. Gotta make sure not to look too eager, after all. “I can’t believe you’re teasing me about this.” she says, half-meaning it.

“Eh… It’s your fault for telling me.”

“Remind me to never tell you things.”

Toko scoffs, “Oh, please. You tell me everything and you don’t regret it. It was surprising though that you actually found someone appealing that isn’t in the realm of 2D–” Toko earns a playful slap on the shoulder for that quip. “–But you’ve been acting incredibly worked up today and you seem kinda out of it. I get that you’re excited to see her, but there’s something else, isn’t there?”

The elevator is taking too long arrive, Suisei thinks. She taps the button again, despite having pressed it about ten times already. The indicator tells them that the elevator is still stuck on the ground floor which means that she’s cornered by the question until it arrives.

Exhaustion and the general desire to get out of here is causing her brain to procrastinate on ways she can turn this conversation away from the topic of Miko, so she just answers it directly.

“Kind of? I guess I’m pretty anxious. Miko hasn’t messaged me since her break.” Suisei tries to laugh it off, maybe for her own benefit to soften the hurt. “It’s not even Halloween yet and she’s ghosting me.” She jokes. Toko doesn’t laugh, though. Instead, she looks concerned.

“Really? Have you tried calling?”

Suisei nods. “I did but her phone’s always out of reach. It’s like she’s in the middle of the sea or something. Where on earth do you manage to not get a reception?”

“The Sahara Desert?” Toko suggests, getting a tired laugh from Suichan as a response.

“I’m just worried about her, I guess. I’m also kind of bothered that she didn’t let me know she’s going away. And I’m frustrated at myself, mostly, for feeling like I’m… entitled to it.”

She feels Toko nod beside her. “I can tell…”

“Is that weird?”

“No, it’s not weird.”

Silence. The elevator reaches their floor and it opens up mercifully to an empty cab.

“But,” Toko starts and Suisei looks at her as they enter. “I think you should definitely reconsider the whole crush thing.”

“The whole crush thing?” Her brows bunch up in confusion.

“Yeah, the whole crush thing.”

Suisei shakes her head, “I don’t understand.”

Toko rolls her eyes, seemingly peeved that she has to state the obvious. “You’ve pretty much graduated from crushing on her to falling in love with her, so just make her your girlfriend. That way, you won’t feel bad for feeling entitled.”

That’s… not how it works, she wants to say. But explaining the semantics of it to Toko inside an elevator on what she assumes to be a one-and-a-half-minute descent isn’t ideal, so she settles with, “That’s easier said than done.”

“How so? Doesn’t Miko like you too?”

“She likes me. Pretty sure the idiot’s got a crush on me. But I don’t know,” Suisei crosses her arms. “I think there’s something holding her back. And besides, liking someone and wanting to date them are two very different things.”

When the elevator finally opens and they step out to the main lobby, Toko bunches up her coat tighter around herself and sighs. “Then figure out what’s holding her back.”

Suisei can feel the invasion of the autumn breeze all at once, noticing how the opened doors of the entranceway struggles against the relentless wind. She almost curses herself for her growing propensity of leaving her coat at home.

“It’s terrifying to find out.” She manages to mutter under her breath, hugging herself from the freezing cold.

Toko laughs, “You’re not one to back out of anything, Suichan. I believe in you.”

Chapter Text

To Suisei’s credit, she did knock before considering to use the spare key. She knocked exactly three times and received no response. In her boundless generosity, she tries for another – this time louder – and the sound echoes along the corridor of the apartment building, interrupting the dead silence of the late, late, extremely late evening. It’s almost 3AM. Hell, It’s technically morning already, all things considered.

If she keeps this up, she’s going to wake up the whole complex. So, steadying her stance, breathing in and quickly surveying the surrounding area for any bystander who might implicate her in a crime, she makes a well thought-out and agreeable decision: no one’s answering and she supposes that Miko’s asleep already, so she uses the hidden spare key. Propriety be damned.

When she turns the key and opens the door, the first thing she notices are the clumsily discarded pair of shoes lying decidedly far apart in the genkan. She shakes her head, already picturing a wobbly Mikochi pulling off a shoe, stumbling a bit onto the opposite wall, then pulling off the other. By some strange reflex, Suisei leans down and arranges it properly, leaving it to the side.

Miko must’ve been exhausted, she guesses. While it may not seem like it, her elite “business partner” is unexpectedly tidy and organized. Not a neat-freak by any means, but she isn’t the type to leave her shoes haphazardly thrown on the floor. The trip back home must’ve tuckered out Mikochi and this thought alone makes Suichan traverse across the living room faster, her socked-feet padding quick across the cool wooden floor towards Miko’s bedroom.

When she spots the owner of the apartment herself – in the flesh, lying face down like a plank, unmoving – Suisei’s heart absolutely drops and she rushes in before she could even think, almost tripping over herself. She flips Miko on her back, groaning when she sees that the drooling, supine girl is perfectly fine and just unnaturally knocked out.

God damn it, Mikochi.

She’s tempted to shake the girl awake just for giving her a premature cardiac arrest, but her attention is caught elsewhere – to the little clues around the room that tells quite a bit about how Mikochi arrived to this… comatose state.

It’s the way the bed is completely devoid of any pillows or blankets, or the way Miko’s unzipped luggage is left half-bursting in clothes with a few articles strewn on the floor. It seems that Miko stopped putting back her belongings halfway and neglected to make the bed entirely in favor of passing out. Which is understandable, Suisei can relate to that.

Suisei doesn’t even think about the tug of exhaustion on her own body – she’s too hyper-focused on Miko’s fatigued shape. The girl bouncing around in her mind for the past few days is next to her, so deep into her slumber that she’s probably beyond the point of waking up. There isn’t the slightest bit of hesitation in Suisei’s mind when she reaches out and combs gentle fingers through pink hair, tiding away stray strands.

“Mikochi?”

No response, not even a stir.

The room is quiet. It should feel lonely and yet Suisei feels the complete opposite of it. It’s strange how she feels settled now that she’s sitting on the edge of Miko’s bed, so much so that she sighs in relief, pleasantly surprised by the heavy pressure expelling along with it. It’s as if the worry she’s been holding in for the last three days has finally disappeared and she feels a considerable weight lift off of her shoulders.

There is not a single speck of anxiety gripping her this time when she opens her phone. There isn’t an itch to check for notifications or messages and no urge to open up Twitter and refresh Miko’s profile multiple times per second. Instead, she glances at her phone’s clock – 3:12AM – and turns it off, feeling satisfied.

She turns her gaze back to Miko and feels her heart swell, almost as if it’s become too big for her chest to contain. There’s no desire to be annoyed or to wake her up and reprimand her – which she’s still not entitled to do, frustratingly so – all there is when she takes in Miko’s sleeping face is the susurration of relief and the overflow of affection. There is only the quiet, happy hum in her chest, ebbing away the worries and anxieties from her mind. All there is right now is Miko, right here, with her.

It pulls her into a lull of tranquility and she decides to lie down, head lightly landing on Miko’s outstretched arm.

There aren’t any pillows, so this will have to suffice.

Once she turns to her side, her eyes can’t help but follow the outline of Miko’s profile, committing it to memory. Blue irises map a cautious path from Miko’s long eyelashes, rising along with her adorable nose, and dipping into the curves of her slightly-parted lips. She looks so soft, so achingly beautiful, it almost breaks Suisei’s heart.

“Mikochi,” Her voice is unfiltered adoration contained in a whisper.

“Mikochi, I love you.”

Not even a single flinch from Miko.

Suisei inches closer, pushing her privilege over Mikochi’s motionless disposition. She moves a hesitant arm around Miko’s middle, fully committing to the act once she’s halfway wrapped around the girl, reveling in the cherry-blossom scented warmth radiating from her as she snuggles more firmly.

Still no movement.

She sighs, “I missed you, dummy.”

A snore.

“You know, you’re an idiot.”

Still knocked out.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to not hear anything from you? For several days?”

Miko probably doesn’t know. She’s asleep.

“I can’t believe I’m in love with a dumbass,” Suisei sighs, her palm moving flat against Miko’s back in comforting motions, trying to steal every sensation she can from the sleeping girl. Consider it as payback for physically depriving Suisei of her presence for days. It’s not an overreaction, okay? Suisei just really misses her too much.

She isn’t expecting a reply. She doesn’t even need one, to be honest. She merely whispers Mikochi’s name in a hushed tone, hoping it would carry on to Miko’s dreams.

As she gets lost in her own thoughts, sinking deeper into the peaceful, serene comfort afforded by Miko’s company, a gentle, unconscious embrace suddenly engulfs her. Miko’s arms wrap around her frame and before she knows it, she’s being pulled further in – into Miko’s hold and just barely under her chin. Suisei closes her eyes and lets herself drown, wrapping her own arms around the girl tighter and pulling her closer until it’s impossible to tell where she began and where Miko ended.

She tilts her head slightly to fit better into the hollow of Miko’s neck and she inhales – the rush of a scent that she knows she’s missed floods her senses and it’s akin to being shot with pure serotonin. It feels so unbelievably good, Suisei almost considers it illegal.

And she stays like this with her heart worn on her sleeves, clinging to Miko as if she’s a steady anchor amidst treacherous tides. It almost amuses her how much of a vulnerable mess she’s become over someone she once thought of as a stranger. She’s realizing now just how deep Miko has gotten into her very being, affecting each and every part of her. Almost tearing her to pieces with her absence.

To think, someone she once respected from afar can turn into someone she’d adore in captivated silence.

How wonderfully cliché. How incredibly terrifying.

She doesn’t realize the two hours that have passed until Miko shifts, stirring into the preludes of clarity.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Suisei asks as she looks up at Miko, feeling the latter breathe unevenly as the flutters of consciousness nudge her into wakefulness.

“N– no, it’s fine. You haven’t slept yet?”

Suisei smiles at the sound of Miko’s morning voice and she tries to hide it by nuzzling further into Miko’s neck.

“Nope. I missed you.”

–

When Suisei wakes up, she finds herself under a heap of soft blankets, surrounded by a sea of large, fluffy pillows. The sun casts a warm glow over the room, framing Miko in a golden hue as she sits on the side of the bed, giving Suisei the softest look she has ever received in her entire life. She smiles as Miko’s fingers thread their way through the blue mess of her unkempt morning hair, feather-light touches gently massaging her scalp.

“Hi,” comes Mikochi’s voice, all gentle and fragile.

“Mngghrng, Good morning.” Suisei yawns, not bothering to be comprehensible this early in the morning. With Miko’s ministrations on her hair, she’s tempted to shut her eyes and fall back to sleep once more.

Miko laughs, a pleasant windchime tune. “Good afternoon, Hoshimachi.” she corrects.

Morning. Afternoon. It doesn’t matter much to Suichan. She stretches under the pile of pleasant-smelling covers and shifts underneath it, pushing it down a bit off of her to ward off the over abundance of warmth. “It’s so hot,” she whines, “Did you trap me into a cocoon of your comforter while I was asleep, Mikochi?”

It’s only when she looks back up at Miko – who is blatantly staring at her barely covered chest over her spaghetti strap top – does she remember discarding her pullover and skirt some time during her cuddling session with Miko last night.

“You… you were, uh, shivering while you slept. Because, you know, you’re wearing…”

Basically nothing.

“S-so, well, I tucked you in and turned on the, um, heating…” Miko manages to finish despite being a stuttering mess.

Suisei thinks it’s sweet. But she says, “You’re a gigantic pervert,” instead and pulls the blanket back up to her neck, throwing Mikochi a playful glare.

Miko quickly turns her head away, decidedly occupying her periphery with something other than Suichan and mumbling something along the lines of I wasn’t the one who took your clothes off, idiot, under her breath. For Suisei’s part, she finds it greatly amusing, of course. Specially when she sees Miko’s cheeks turn a delightful tomato-shade of red. Nothing beats a good morning teasing. Or afternoon. God, she really has no concept of time sometimes.

Miko clears her throat, “I made food for you, by the way.”

“Hmm, is that so?”

Miko looks at her – eyes forcefully trained on Suisei’s face now, instead of anywhere below her neck – and nods. She’s still red as hell but she’s managed to regain her composure. “Yep. Come on before it gets cold.”

“You’re really trying to make it up to me, huh?”

“Shut up,” Miko laughs and Suisei has no choice but to smile. It’s pretty much reflex at this point. “Want me to help you up?” Miko adds, offering her hand.

Suisei’s body is already protesting, vehemently refusing the option Miko’s given her. The cotton fortress Miko’s built for her is much too heavenly and she has no intention of rising from the bed or moving her limbs in general. She switches her gaze from Miko’s eyes, to her hand, then back to her eyes.

It takes barely a second – with absolutely no hint of hesitation – before Suisei decides to pull Miko by the wrist. She watches Miko easily tip and fall over her lap, her natural absence of balance foiling her. She fumbles a bit over the sheets as if it’s quicksand and she drags her body atop Suichan, grunting and making a show of it like a soldier bellycrawling between trenches, and finally propping herself up with wobbly arms on either side of Suisei’s head.

There she is, that adorable, precious face right above her, pink hair graciously falling in cascades like a cherry-blossom waterfall. There are a thousand variations of this exact position in Suisei’s mind that she’d dreamed of before, all ending in scenarios ranging from PG13 to R.

Miko huffs and Suisei knows she isn’t going to last long in this position – it’s a glorified push-up and Miko’s bound to fall on top of her at any second. But she isn’t going to let this moment pass. It’s intimate, it’s so close and it’s Miko. Suichan is not one to miss an opportunity.

She circles her arms around the girl’s neck and pulls her closer, mindful of being gentle. Miko gives in with ease and lands cheek first onto the space next to Suisei’s head rather ungracefully with a muffled grunt. Save for her face which is now buried against the pillow, everything else belonging to Miko is pressed firmly against Suisei’s frame. Suisei’s small mercy is that the comforter separating them is thick, or else she wouldn’t have had the confidence to be this reckless.

“Can’t you bring the food here, instead?” Suisei reasons, pouting. She lets her hands roam over Miko’s back, soothing her, making her complacent under her touch.

The muffled, disbelieving retort from Miko is expected. “Hah?!”

“Come on~ You abandoned me for days. Feed me. Here.” She turns her head, whispering in Miko’s ear and tightening her embrace. “In bed.”

“Suichan~!” The tiny girl whines in her arms. It should sound convincing, but Suisei knows Miko well enough to gauge that the infant cries are merely a front. She tightens her hold, resting her chin on Miko’s shoulder.

“Mikochi~” She responds teasingly, saying the name slowly, dragging it with a softness that always accompanies Miko’s name whenever it escapes Suisei’s lips.

Suisei feels only the tiniest of resistance – a half-hearted squirm against her hold. When Miko turns her head to face her, she finds green eyes glinting with mischief

“You know, if you don’t let me go, Suichan, I’m going to sing.”

Suisei raises a brow and chuckles under her breath. “How is that a threat?”

Miko grins. “Do you really want to find out?”

“Eh?”

She can feel Miko gather a deep, lungful of air and then promptly expelling a loud, resounding, operatic, “だ〜＾あtっテぼおぅくは＾ほˇお~しだああからあぁaaぁaあ！！！”

“Oh no…”

Miko furrows her eyebrows and closes her eyes, filled to the brim with determination. “すぅてら すてら！！”

“Oh, Jesus.” Suichan giggles trying to push her away. Miko only makes herself heavier and traps Suisei beneath her.

“どん！！！”

Suisei wiggles her legs and arms, attempting to break free. It’s no use. Miko’s wrapped herself around her like a koala and is singing the percussions at the top of her lungs.

“BANNNNNG!”

“Wait– Wait!” Suisei laughs, trying to utter her protests. It’s quickly forgotten when Miko’s fingers find her sides, tickling her.

“No more! No more, Mikochi!”

She is almost in tears and shaking from laughter when Miko rests her forehead against Suisei’s own, gracing her with those wonderful, playful emerald eyes that she fell in love with. She supposes that it should take her breath away but, as it stands, she’s all tapped out with how much she’s wheezing.

“Get ready for the first verse, Suichan!” The brilliant smile Miko gives her is gorgeous, but absolutely terrifying because of what’s about to come.

"Okay! Okay, Mikochi! You've made a very convincing argument. I concede!" She continues trying to squirm away from the onslaught of tickles.

“What’s that? I couldn’t hear you? You want me to sing the rest?”

“Mikochi~!”

Miko laughs, ceasing her reign of terror and shifting her arms to nudge herself further upward, aiming a soft, quick kiss to Suisei’s forehead. It’s a light flutter, a touch of a petal.

Despite the butterflies violently thrashing around her stomach from the… whatever it is that they’re doing on the bed right now, Suisei forces herself to look annoyed. "God, I should be flattered that it's your favorite song, you know. Not terrified." She sinks further into the bed, her limbs limp from the exhaustion caused by the combination of Miko’s impromptu karaoke and her fingers working over her body. Well, that sounds wrong but it’s not exactly incorrect.

“Mhm.” Mikochi looks smug with her cute smile and her chin tilted upward, literally looking down at her.

Suisei frowns, the slight irritation stemming from the fact that she can’t just make out with Mikochi right this instant. That smug look would disappear in a flash, she bets. "Maybe I'll sing Sakura Kaze as revenge." She mutters as a half-meant threat.

"Is it really revenge if I love hearing you sing it, though?"

Suisei blows on Miko's rogue cowlick, watching it sway. "I hate that you have a point."

Miko pushes herself off of the bed.

“I do love it when you sing my songs, though.” Suisei says, looking at Miko with easy affection as the latter sits on the side of the bed, preparing to stand.

A careful hand captures her own and she notices Miko’s hold is soft. “I know that, dummy.”

“How about that breakfast in bed, then?” Suisei says, smirking, anticipating a snappy retort or a haughty protest from Mikochi.

Instead, the warmth of Miko’s smile catches her off guard. “Anything for you, Suichan.” She says in the most careful, gentlest of tones; a tone so delicate, Suisei considers it as gospel.

Miko finally leaves the room without another word, leaving Suisei absolutely breathless.

“I’m so hungry.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Suisei sees the barrage of comments barreling in quick, almost unreadable with the chat’s rapid-fire response. They’re all saying things along the lines of: then go eat first. Take a break. Continue it another day.

“Don’t want to. I guess you guys are stuck with me ‘til we finish this.” Suisei says jokingly, with just the slightest hint of a firmness to her tone. It’s no secret she’s treating her stream challenge like a sacred oath. Ten consecutive first-places in Tetris seems like an impossible task, but to Suisei, it’s not a question of how, but more of a question of how long. She has enough confidence in her capability to know she’s going to achieve it, but it will certainly take time. Which is true – it’s been well over three hours already.

She can feel the chat admonishing her but also losing their collective minds over the sheer prowess and skill she possesses over the game.

This is her sixth first-place streak, after all. Four more. Just four more and she’s done.

She tries not to get too distracted by the rumbling protests of her stomach.

–

“See? I told you guys I’d succeed. ” Her smugness is insurmountable even through her mic. The chat spams 天才 emojis almost a thousand times a second, her stream lagging for a second from the outpouring of support.

She smiles to herself, incredibly proud. Of course she can do it. Sure, it took her, what, like – she checks the time on the bottom right corner of her screen and cringes for a bit – five hours? That’s nothing. The important thing is she finished it and she can give herself a pat on the back and maybe pass out now from the hunger almost eating the lining of her stomach.

It grumbles loud, complaining, making itself known as if it’s pleading with Suisei to eat something already. At this point, she’d eat sushi, even.

She shakes her head, reconsidering it immediately. No, she isn’t that desperate yet.

“Well, that’s a wrap. Thank you, everyone! See you again, have a nice day. Otsumachi~”

Only a few seconds after ending the stream completely, the doorbell rings. She hasn’t even gotten her butt off of her chair, yet. Her body feels too weak and shaky, and for a moment, in her hunger-driven delirium, she imagines that it might be the Uber Eats she ordered, waiting for her right outside her door. This is enough to spur her to her feet, a bit unsteadily. Then she remembers she hasn’t actually ordered anything or even touched the app yet, she had just spent a long time planning and thinking about it in her head while she was fitting falling blocks together for almost a fifth of a whole day.

Frustration briefly makes its way to her features, frowning as she pulls the door open.

“Pin pon, Suichan.” Miko’s smiling face greets her, all bundled up in her brown coat, neck hugged in a cozy looking maroon scarf with her face almost the same shade because of the cold 2AM wind.

“Mikochi?” Suisei blinks, unsure if what she’s seeing is real.

Miko’s reply is a fast nod, bright with enthusiasm. She raises the convenience store plastic bag in her hand. Suisei’s eyes follow the gesture. “Mikozon here! I got a package for uh…” She makes a show of double checking her phone, “Hoshimachi, Suisei? Is that right? That can’t be right. I’m seeing a cute girl right in front of me instead of a terrifying psychopath.”

Suisei can’t help but tilt her head. “Eh?”

Mikochi laughs, “I’m joking! I heard a certain comet was hungry~”

Sheer confusion causes Suichan to raise her brows, her brain stalling like a broken down car on a freeway. “H-huh…? How…?”

Miko shows Suisei her phone. A video’s open, playing the ending card of Suisei’s recently wrapped-up stream. Very recent. Like, a-few-seconds-ago kind of recent. Suisei squints at it for a few seconds, not really understanding what Mikochi means.

“You said you were hungry, dummy. Now let me in.”

Suisei isn’t budging yet, still trying to make sense of it all despite the starvation-induced fog clouding her mind. “Eh…? Did I…?”

Wait a minute.

“Hold on, Mikochi. I said that hours ago… you… waited ‘til I ended the stream?” Her own statement brings a slow smirk to her face.

It seems Miko has picked up on the teasing tone there. Suichan was right on the nose. “S-so? What’s it to you? Now move so I can come in.” she mumbles, her resolve chipped away a bit by embarrassment. Suisei finds it endearing, so she moves to the side and leads Miko in with her hand placed on the girl’s back, gently urging her.

Suichan doesn’t even need to give Miko directions. The latter navigates ahead with natural ease, her relaxed gait making its way towards the dining area, already naturally familiar with the layout of the apartment as though she’s been residing in it for years. It makes Suisei feel warm and she can’t help but imagine what it would be like to live together with Mikochi, welcoming her home like this and simply watching her in a space they both share.

The hunger pangs are momentarily forgotten in favor of the fondness gripping her chest. Double it when she sees Miko’s dumb smile while pulling out food items from the plastic bag, laying it all on the old oak table.

“I figured Anemachi isn’t home since you haven’t eaten yet. Is she okay?”

Suisei nods, pulling up a chair. “Yeah, she’s taken a liking to working overtime. Guess why.”

The grin that Mikochi gives her is a knowing one. “She wants to expand her BL manga collection?”

“Bingo.”

They both laugh.

“How about you, Suichan? Are you okay? You streamed for hours.”

“Nn, it only took longer because of some sniping. Nothing I couldn’t handle, though.”

“You were still amazing. But I really got worried though,” Miko’s voice goes quieter. Suisei unconsciously leans over the table, trying to catch every word. “You didn’t stop to take a break or anything. Didn’t eat, even. You know, when you said you were hungry mid-game, I really wanted to rush over and bring the food immediately but…” she runs a hand through her hair. “But you were streaming. I guess I didn’t want to impose.”

“Mikochi…”

Suisei does everything in her power to stop herself from standing up, grabbing Mikochi by the collar across the table and simply kissing her outright.

“But anyway, the important thing is that you’re okay and the elite is here to feed you! So, here is Suichan’s mentaiko~” Miko sing-songs and Suisei’s not sure if she’s purposefully botching the melody, but it’s adorable nonetheless.

A large carton of a particular beverage is the last to be fished out. “And some orange juice!” Mikochi announces proudly, her hands making a show of swiping over the spread she’s prepared for Suichan, fingers celebratory in their wiggling. “Tada~”

Suisei smirks, crossing her arms. “Not apple?”

The smugness from Miko rivals Suisei’s own moments earlier after her victorious Tetris challenge. She proudly tips her chin up. Her tone is arrogant – confident, even – as she says, “When it comes to Suichan, I’m an expert.”

Suisei’s heart skips. It’s a wonder, really, how it’s able to take such a beating right now. She feels like she’s about to keel over and drop dead from the show of affection she’s being bombarded with. Of course Mikochi would know what she prefers. She’s accumulated, stored and taken to heart so many small, benign, incredibly mundane tidbits about Suisei that even a random toddler on the street can point out that Mikochi is sporting a big fat crush on her.

And while Suisei enjoyed it at first and was incredibly elated, now it feels like a certain kind of torture – like dangling something she wants just inches from of her face and keeping it constantly out of reach, no matter how fast she runs.

“You okay, Suichan?” Miko asks, dropping all pretense of pomposity and returning to her normal self, her green eyes gazing at Suisei with familiar intensity, shaded by genuine concern and tacit endearment. Suisei wants to say, stop that.

She shakes her head instead and shows a clipped smile. Miko tilts hers, questioning, gesturing to elaborate. At this point in their relationship – friendship – they already know each other well enough.

“Was just thinking,” Suisei says in a half-mumbling, half-cautious tone. She’s unsure yet of what to say, really, so she nods towards the mini feast laid out on the table. “You love me too much.”

“H-huh?! It’s just konbini food... it’s– it’s nothing.” Miko’s tone raises, a look of slight embarrassment crossing her face at the accusation.

Suisei raises a brow. “There’s cod roe in the convenience store?”

“Well… n-no. That’s from the stock in my fridg– ah…” Miko stumbles, caught off guard.

“From your fridge? You eat cod roe, Mikochi? Or do you have a regular visitor in your house who loves mentaiko so much, you keep some stored, just in case?”

Miko rolls her eyes, “Fine!” She relents. “I do keep some in my fridge… for you.”

Suisei bites her lip, clamping down on the giddiness rising up in her chest. “That wasn’t so hard to admit, now was it?”

“Mou… I should’ve let you starve.” Miko shakes her head, smiling fondly.

Suisei was fine enough believing that the food delivery incident was a one-off type of thing. Mikochi is caring, of course, but they’re still just friends. Which is why when Suisei found Miko on her doorstep in the late hours of the evening – bordering on morning – carrying a bag of food again, it took her by surprise.

It happened a bit more often after that. The surprised reaction she gets lessened, but the way her heart would do impossible acrobatic feats against her chest, jumping at even the hint of a pink hair through the intercom camera, only heightened thereafter.

“Your internal clock is broken beyond repair, Suichan. It’s practically not working anymore. Restaurants are closed by the time you’re hungry.” Miko had admonished once while busying herself in the kitchen prepping something edible that’s suited to Suichan’s palate. It was during one of her late night runs to Suichan’s place, fussing over the blue-haired idol after another bout of late night streams coinciding with Anemachi’s overtime at work.

Suisei had given her a smile, “What am I gonna do without you?”

“Probably die?”

The face Miko had given her when she brought up the fact that there are a ton of tenants around her who’s hearts are fat enough to keep her hibernated over several winter seasons was priceless.

She lets that memory float around in her mind as she leans against the foot of the couch, legs crossed on the carpeted floor of her apartment’s living room. She stares at the cute girl sleeping soundly on the sofa, watching her delicate face and soft sleeping expression bask in the peaceful, quiet murmurs of the evening.

Miko had dropped off a ramen earlier for Suichan – another one of her Mikozon delivery shenanigans – and Suisei managed to coax the girl into staying with her to watch a movie. Mikochi agreed despite having just got off of a relatively hectic day of work and meetings. Instead of heading straight to her place to rest, Miko opted to feed and look after Suisei first. So, it’s not really a mystery why she’d pass out fifteen minutes into the film.

Still, Miko opting to head straight to Suisei’s place first after such a tiring day makes Suichan feel… loved.

The days they have are mostly blocked off and occupied with work. But the nights – these kinds of late nights – are made for them. Meant only for them.

Suisei forces out a laugh, not sufficiently armed for this type of situation. Aside from her sister, she isn’t used to being doted on by other people. And this whole ordeal isn’t isolated to late night food deliveries, either. After Miko got back from her vacation, she’s been visiting Suisei often, calling her almost everyday.

Suisei sighs, wanting to pass out on the floor. There are too many thoughts running through her mind; mostly trying to piece together Miko’s feelings for her. Of course Miko loves her. That much is apparent.

But… why does it all feel so restrained?

She sighs, coming up with no discernable answers. Instead of dwelling on it any further, she leans in close and brushes her lips gently on Miko’s cheek. A quick kiss. A ghost of affection.

She pokes the spot she kissed with her index finger. “Oi, take responsibility, Mikochi.”

Suichan, wanna go out?

The coughing fit that follows after reading the text is longer than expected. Anemachi squints at her from where she’s sitting on the couch, almost standing up when Suichan hunches over, seemingly attempting to cough up an entire lung.

“You okay there? Did you almost choke on the bathwater?”

Suisei raises a palm, signaling she’s okay. After gathering her bearings, she shakes her head and pretends to wipe an imaginary droplet of water on the side of her forehead with the rolled towel hung around her neck, but really just attempting to hide the faint pink tint making its way towards her cheeks.

“I’m okay. Just… gargled… the wrong way… while brushing my teeth.”

Anemachi nods slowly, pressing herself further against the sofa’s cushions, crossing her arms. Suisei knows her sister doesn’t buy it.

“Are you sure it has nothing to do with whatever’s on your phone? You’ve been staring at it weirdly since you exited the bathroom.”

Yep, her sister doesn’t buy the excuse at all. Not even just a tiny bit.

Suisei looks down at her phone and sees another message slide in.

Don’t ask where or what we’re doing. It’s a surprise! (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ ━━━★

“I think I have a date tomorrow.”

Anemachi perks up. “You’ve finally made Mikochi your girlfriend?” She reaches for the remote and mutes the television, lending all her focus on her sister.

Suisei reconsiders the amount of transparency she shows towards her sister and her best friend about anything related to Miko. It’s almost as if they share the same braincell when it comes to their opinions about Suisei’s dating life – or lack thereof.

“I really shouldn’t talk about any of this to you or Toko anymore. You both think it’s too easy.” She says, throwing an arm out in exasperation and plopping down on a vacant spot on the couch.

“Why can’t it be easy?”

“Because!” She leans against her sister and sighs, frustrated. Not towards her Anemachi, but towards the general situation – of how murky everything is and how unclear her position is in Miko’s life.

Because that’s the question. Why the hell can’t it be easy?

“Why not just confess your feelings? Mikochi adores you. I’m sure she reciprocates.”

“That’s the problem. I’m certain she likes me. I feel like she might be in love with me but…”

Suisei groans and Anemachi wraps an arm around her sister, hugging her tighter, feeling how peeved she’s become. Anemachi has always had a handle on things – things that Suisei would find out of her control. She’s always there to lean on or fall back to when things get too overwhelming. But for this whole Mikochi conundrum, she doesn’t think Anemachi can solve it for her. Hell, she doesn’t even think she can solve it herself.

“Mikochi just kind of pulls back. It’s… it’s confusing.” She lets out a humorless laugh.

“What if it’s because she’s afraid you don’t feel the same way? Fear is a pretty good reason to hesitate. She might be afraid of losing you or your friendship, right?”

Suisei nods. “That’s a good point but something tells me there’s more to it. I’m worried that if I confess or do anything, I don’t know if I’d be helping or become a detriment to whatever it is she’s dealing with.”

Anemachi pats her head and gives her a soft smile. “My baby sister’s pretty mature. I’m proud of you.”

Suisei pouts, muttering, “This isn’t like the romance mangas I’ve read and I resent that.” and earning a laugh from her older sister.

“Why can’t Mikochi just be a billionaire CEO and confess her love to my superstar idol baby sister over an expensive candlelit dinner in an exotic, secluded island?”

“Maybe you need to slow down on the BLs, ane.” Suisei jokes, rising up from the sofa.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Anyway, give my thanks to Mikochi for constantly taking care of my beloved sister while I’m away~ Enjoy and don’t stay out too late tomorrow!”

“Any reason why you wanted to take me out?”

“That sounds menacing.” Miko says, chuckling at the wording Suisei used.

The sleek, high-fashion boutique they’re in is one of those intimidating ones – ones that have sparse staffing and low, ambient lighting that makes it hard to see how much money is being spent on a single piece of clothing. The few that are staffed are probably trained to look at customers with a sneer of judgement meant to deter window-shoppers or those that don’t meet the wealth requirement to even entertain the thought of touching their overpriced fabric.

Mikochi raises the admittedly cute dress she’s holding by the hanger and frames it in front of Suichan, closing one eye and tilting her head in different angles to align it with the comet’s figure. Then she nods, satisfied, and proceeds to drape the item over her arm. Suisei notes how there are already two articles of clothing there underneath the new addition.

“You look like you needed a break. And being the older, more mature one–”

Suisei scoffs, flicking a coat on display and sifting through some of the items next to it, not really paying attention.

“Hey I heard that! Anyway, being your senior, I need to ensure you’re getting some fun once in a while.”

“Mikochi, you’re seventeen days older than me. What do you mean seniority? Also, why are you buying me dresses? Dresses. Plural!” She points towards Miko’s forearm accusingly, the one supporting three (surprisingly fashionable) clothes Miko had snatched from the display rack that had no Sale sign. Hell, the whole store has shelves and racks absent of price tags, stickers or indicators at all. Suisei briefly wonders if that is even legal.

“No I’m not, what do you mean?” She denies less than pathetically, turning away to hide the clothes from Suisei’s view. Miko’s horrendous at lying.

“Mikochiii,” Suisei laughs, reaching out and grabbing Miko’s hand to face her. “You just asked me earlier what my size was. And you’ve been checking me out ever since we got here.”

“Well, it’s ‘cause you have a great body, Suichan.”

Suisei blinks, guffawing, “W–what?”

“What? N–no! I mean for.. for r-reference! You have a great body for reference!” Mikochi turns bright red quickly, a speed worthy of a world record.

It takes only a few steps before she’s standing only inches away from Miko, leaning down to match their gaze and poking her cheek. “I know you’re lying, you know. Your mouth makes that cute caret shape like the one you have on right now.”

“I dunno what you’re talking about. What carrot?”

Suisei can’t help but laugh. She can see Miko’s pupils dilate from how close their faces are right now. “Caret, Mikochi~”

A staff’s cough interrupts them. Suisei snaps upright and Miko almost falls over backwards, startled. “Hi! Is there anything you ladies need helping with?”

Her stern gaze darts back and forth between them like a teacher catching two misbehaving students midway through a prank.

“Why yes, a dictionary for my friend here would be lovely.” Suisei pleasantly responds, clapping her hands together and giving the lady a polite smile.

“Oi, shut up, Suichan!”

–

The whole thing has the makings of a proper date. The only thing missing is putting a name to it, Suisei thinks.

Everything is planned by Miko, every minute detail. It’s as though they’re following a well prepared itinerary drawn up weeks in advance. She can tell without much in-depth analyzation and overthinking (which is usually the case for her when it comes to Mikochi) that an impressive amount of effort was put into today.

Again, she finds herself sinking deeper into the quicksand of affection she has for the shrine maiden. She isn’t to blame for this, right? It’s getting harder and harder not to fall in love with the dork with how much she puts her all into supporting and caring for Suisei, with this ‘date’ being the epitome of it all.

Miko is across from her, blissfully unaware of the inner turmoil transpiring within Suisei’s mind. She’s perusing the menu over their small table in a quietly tucked away cafe, contrasting the noisy, bright stores and popups in the large, sprawling mall. The barely audible jazz music filters through the speakers wired somewhere in the well-decorated bistro. Vines – which Suisei couldn’t be bothered to discern the authenticity of – is tastefully hung about, framing most of the oil paintings and tapestries positioned on the wall, which itself is covered in floor-to-ceiling phthalo green wainscoting.

The only other patrons of this quaint little place is a couple sipping what Suisei assumes to be tea.

They’re obviously on a date.

So, what about her and Miko? Is this a date? Is she the one who has to define this as such? But then again, Miko was the one who planned this whole ordeal. She’s the one who should be categorizing what they’re doing right now, right?

Miko puts down the menu and grins up at her. “Have you decided?”

“U–uh? What?”

“Food, Suichan.” Miko looks at the menu Suisei’s gripping with her hands. “Find anything you like?”

Suisei blinks and shakes her head, laughing, albeit forcefully. “Not yet! Not yet, gimme a sec.”

Miko wrings her hands, looking at Suisei with something she recognizes as nervousness. “If there’s nothing here that you like, we can totally find another place.”

“Hey, hey.” Suisei holds Miko’s hand, urging her fist to uncurl, and rubbing her thumb over Miko’s exposed palm to calm her down. “Don’t worry, okay? I like this place. Just got distracted, that’s all.” She says softly, reassuringly. She knows that it worked because Miko gives a nod and leans back on her chair, watching the motions Suisei does on her hand.

Most of the items on the menu are dominated by savory food, which Suisei finds is extremely in her favor. Cafes and tea houses usually offer an abundance of sweets, with only a few edible items being in any other category. But Mikochi somehow managed to find the one rare cafe that offers a variety of food that suits Suisei’s appetite just fine.

She settles on a few dishes she likes and decides to pair it up with fresh apple juice. She feels more than sees the eagerness vibrating off of Miko once she relays her order to her. It’s as if Miko’s happiness increases tenfold whenever she does something for Suichan.

That’s been happening a lot throughout the day. In fact, it’s been happening a lot throughout these past few weeks.

Miko stands up, pausing as if considering something, and proceeds to do something unexpected.

Suisei can feel Miko's lips, always ever so gentle, kiss the top of her forehead, the part where thin curlicues of her blue baby hairs reside. She feels so much in that brief, ghost of a kiss. She feels the careful and hesitant love Miko has for her, how methodical it feels whenever Mikochi touches her – step one: lean in fast, step two: pull away just as quickly.

Miko smiles down at her, giving her one of those smiles she loves the most – the dumb one. Her pleasant scent permeates around Suisei, treating her senses to a delicious dance of cherry blossom. “I’ll be right back. Wait for me, okay?” she turns and makes her way towards the counter to order, all the while Suisei’s eyes on her doesn’t falter. Rarely does it ever, to be honest.

It's painful, sometimes. The part where Suisei has to force herself into inaction – to be patient and let Miko bide her time, to inch slowly towards her, never to force her, rush her or to act on Miko's behalf. Be patient, Suisei tells herself. Be patient and let her come to you in her own time. In her own pace.

Nevermind the question of when. Until when will she wait? Will that moment ever come? Questions she constantly avoids, seeing as how the answers are as blurred as the lines between their friendship.

Suisei supposes she can wait for a while.

But, truth be told, that’s greatly underselling it. She can wait for as long as needed, even if the universe collapsed onto itself and the stars dotting the sky blink out of existence, until the dark ink of nothingness succumb the entirety of existence – she'd wait.

Still, she hopes that Miko would just hurry the hell up.

–

The whole ‘date’ can be surmised as Miko’s grand gesture of giving Suichan a free-trial to a relationship with her. She enjoys it, of course, but Jesus does it feel like a special kind of hell. Because when will she get the real thing? Like, the part where this becomes the norm.

Another Sunday date with my girlfriend Mikochi, Suisei entertains the thought.

Miko’s been incredibly attentive, generous and just absolutely fun to be with. And how much she’s fussing over Suichan and making her feel incredibly special is so endearing, Suisei is going to melt.

That’s not even including the fact that Miko’s been buying things for Suichan. She isn’t saying it’s for Suisei, per se, but Miko isn’t good at hiding things, specially since everything she’s bought so far is directly aligned with Suisei’s hobbies, tastes or interests.

Cute Ritsu Sakuma limited edition keychain? A cool streetwear style jacket that Suisei expressed interest in before? Incredibly fashionable shoes that goes well with most skirts Suisei has in her wardrobe?

She isn’t one to assume things but it’s hard to deny those aren’t for her, even if Mikochi isn’t budging. She hasn’t even gotten the chance to pull out her credit card yet – everything is being paid for by Miko.

God damn, this is a date, right? Is she going crazy?

“I got this, Suichan. Don’t worry.” Miko says, rushing to fish out her card from her pocket before Suisei even has a chance to react.

She knows countering or convincing Miko to let her pay this time won’t work. She’s been offering every time and each time Miko just keeps refusing, telling her it’s fine, reasoning with Suisei that Miko’s the older one or that it’s a treat for Suisei’s hard work, and sometimes ending her argument with a wink. That unjustifiably heart-stopping, adorable wink is hard to argue with.

So she just shrugs this time, knowing better. “Well then, I’m in your care, Mikochi.”

Miko gives her a brilliant smile, her cheeks turning slightly pink, evidently overjoyed by what Suichan said.

And it continues throughout the day. She offers to carry everything Suisei might be holding. She goes out of her way to ask if Suisei wants to stop and rest for a bit. She takes every opportunity to take pictures of Suisei almost everywhere.

“It’s okay, the Elite’s got this, Suichan! Don’t worry.” Miko winks, rendering Suisei unable to resist.

“Suichan~ I’ll take care of it!” Miko smiles, taking the shopping bag Suisei’s holding and replacing it with her own, vacant hand.

“I got it!” Miko says when Suisei realizes the waiter forgot her drink.

“I wanted to.” Miko whispers softly, a reply to Suisei’s insistence that she didn’t have to do all of this, considering the cost.

She wanted to.

Suisei holds on to that statement.

–

“You’ve done a lot for me.”

They’re leaning against the cold metal bar off the side of the boardwalk, overlooking a gorgeous sunset in its final moments, making way for the night’s arrival.

“Feels like it’s not enough, Suichan.”

The crowd bustling around them is thinning and Suisei can’t recall how long they’ve been staring at this particular view of the beachside. The waves are hypnotizing with how they loop, crashing towards the shore and retreating back to its home beyond the sea. They push and pull in a steady rhythm.

This moment is too fragile. Suisei feels Miko is more open and honest right now; any pretense of a façade or a barrier momentarily forgotten. Next to her is Miko in her most vulnerable. Suisei takes advantage of this moment to ask, “When do you think it’ll be enough, Mikochi?”

“When you can rely on me more.”

And in that confined moment of sudden clarity, with that single particular answer, it all clicks.

“Mikochi,”

The late night ‘til early morning calls, the midnight doorstep food delivery appearances, the care and courtesy she’s been giving Suisei this whole ‘date’. All of those gestures, that effort, the sudden increase of attentiveness and reliability Miko’s affording her after her vacation is all falling into place.

“I think I’ve figured it out.”

Miko turns to face her. “Figured out what?”

She searches inquisitive, emerald eyes, finding herself in a situation that she isn’t sure how to proceed. She should hold on to this revelation. It makes more sense than ever to just wait.

“Nothing, Mikochi. Just a puzzle I’m having trouble with. I think… maybe I’ve solved it.”

Stressed and feeling down due to less and less time with Miko for the past month or so, Suisei finds herself scrolling through her favorite picture of Mikochi after work while waiting in a cramped, stifling elevator.

She should be excited that she’s going home, having had back-to-back sessions and a live performance all in the span of a single day. The possibility of collapsing right where she’s standing seems scarily high, so she rolls her shoulders to ease off the tension built up and tries her best to stay awake.

When she exits the building, the regret of purposefully leaving her coat isn’t something she expected to come. But here she is now. The evening is freezing, possibly the coldest one yet this year.

Unlocking her phone, she finds Miko’s smile greeting her – the selfie they took together at the museum.

Miko’s with Subaru and Marine right about now, not too far from here. It doesn’t take even a second thought to type out a quick message asking if Mikochi wants to go home together.

When Miko doesn’t answer her missed call and hundreds of her messages (though it’s only five) remain unread, she begins to worry. She’s hit with a flashback of that time Miko went on an impromptu, out-of-town vacation a month ago and she feels her hands tremble.

Miko picks up after the second call and Suisei is able to expel a sigh of relief after hearing Miko’s voice.

–

She stands stock still, hands paused as if it were stapled into Miko's clothes – clutching it with uncertainty like the thoughts running through her mind.

Should she? Should she grip the fabric, pull, tilt her head and touch the lips she's longed to kiss for what felt like an eternity?

Would Miko forgive her for rushing?

The air is tense with electricity yet her mind is in pure blackout, devoid of any other thoughts than the feeling of wanting. The night is so dim. There aren’t any reservations left anymore, she leans down into the touch, pressing her own forehead against Miko’s, and clutching at the girl’s cardigan, bunching it in her fists.

Come on, Mikochi, she pleads in her mind, fucking kiss me, damn it.

Miko closes her eyes and Suisei feels her breathe out. They’re so close, she can almost taste the alcohol Miko drank earlier.

So, so close.

Then, Miko pulls back. All too quickly, as if nothing happened. Suisei’s hands fall to her sides, perfectly in sync with how her heart is dropping in disappointment.

“Good night, Suichan.” Miko says quietly with uneven breaths, as if she couldn’t believe herself either.

Suisei doesn’t know what else to say merely watching Miko’s back grow smaller and smaller, until she’s just a tiny speck against the cityscape’s horizon.

They never speak of that incident. It’s not a surprise. It hurts but, again, not a surprise.

Miko proceeds on as normal, and Suisei has no choice but to follow suit. They fall back into their usual banter with ease. It’s not hard when their natural chemistry and general comfortability with each other aids greatly with how well they mesh.

Despite that almost kiss, they seem to be doing okay. Their relationship seems to be unscathed, like their friendship didn’t almost do a 180 on a particular cold winter evening.

They laugh, they bicker as usual with Flare and Polka whenever they all go out together, they still hold hands platonically and hug each other platonically and fucking cuddle platonically(?!). Nothing fundamentally changed but everything just isn’t the same, at least for Suisei.

She hates it. Hates how they defaulted back to friendship when they were so close to going somewhere further. Having something more.

But she isn’t giving up. She isn’t a quitter.

Suisei will wait, even if she feels like the chances of their feelings intersecting is slowly slipping through her fingers.

She waits.

“Knock, knock.”

Mikochi arrives at the studio, a rolled up paperbag of Suisei’s favorite sandwich in her hand. Tokomachi radio has just finished up for the day. Suisei had been swiveling in her chair, kicking Toko’s chair far back while playing around when Mikochi’s head suddenly popped up from the doorway, smiling with her green eyes twinkling.

“Mikochi!” Toko stands up and hugs the smaller girl, almost lifting her up. Her chair had swiveled nearer to the exit where Miko’s standing, which is a very fortunate thing for Toko since she also happens to like the brand of sandwich Miko has brought.

“For me?”

Miko smiles, handing her the payload. “Of course!”

“Hey, that sandwich is for me, hands off!” Suisei says, still spinning around in her chair.

Toko laughs, sticking her tongue out. “Got here first. That’s what you get for kicking my chair around. Bye loser.”

She throws a goodbye wave behind her and winks at Miko, “Take care of my bully of a best friend, Mikochi. I’ll be going ahead now~”

“Take care, Toko-chan.” Miko says as she watches Toko leaving the room with haste.

“Oi, get back here and give me my food!”

Miko steps closer to Suichan and helps her stop her centrifugal adventure. She greets Miko with a playful, pretend pout after the spinning stops. “Can’t believe she ran away with my food.” Suisei says, sniffling exaggeratingly.

Miko laughs, and pulls out another paper bag from her tote. “Suichan, this is yours.”

Opening the bag, Suisei finds that its her favorite sandwich. She almost drools. “Oh god, you’re the best. Thank you, Mikochi. I’m so hungry. Toko and I both haven’t eaten anything yet since this morning.” Suisei unwraps the paper and takes a generous bite, almost moaning at how delicious it is.

“It’s my elite senses. I knew you two would be starving.” Miko proudly says, her cowlick bouncing as she nods to herself, affirming her eliteness.

Suisei snickers in between bites. “Dork.”

“Hah? What did you just say, Hoshimachi?”

She swallows down the last of her sandwich and smiles up at Miko, batting her eyelashes innocently but looking so comical, it causes Miko to laugh. “I said you’re really sweet for surprising me at work and picking me up. Again.”

“It’s nothing. Come on,” Miko stretches her hand out and Suisei grabs onto it. “We have one stop to make before we go home.”

–

They find themselves on a bench, overlooking a familiar receding beach side with waves upon waves of the ocean erasing the grains of sand struggling to remain.

It’s near the boardwalk, the one they visited before. Suisei can simply close her eyes and conjure up the exact same sunset she shared with Miko on that ‘date’. The memory of which is burned into her brain with how much she kept going back to that moment in time. It’s beyond precious to her. One of the many moments with Miko that she holds dear to her heart.

“How did you find this place, by the way? This is one of my favorite places we went to after we… went out... that one time.” Suisei makes a face – wanting to facepalm herself in embarrassment for almost saying the word ‘date’– and takes a bite off a sandwich Miko is holding in front of her. Miko had bought one for herself but is generously sharing it with Suichan without so much as a complaint. She’s probably worried that Suisei is still hungry. And Mikochi would be right about that.

“I passed by here one time when I visited you.” Miko says, taking a bite in the same place. Suisei fights to keep the color of her face neutral. “I thought that it would be nice if I took you here. And, well, it worked out.” Miko laughs shakily. Suisei isn’t sure if its out of nervousness or the cold snaking its way inside their clothes.

Suisei looks up and takes in the view. The seas are dark that it blends into the evening sky, molding into one large blanket enveloping them both in their own little world. She takes in a deep breath, inhaling a lung-full of fresh and salty air. When she closes her eyes, the only difference is that the stars blink out of existence.

She doesn’t feel Miko staring at her. But she does feel the warmth of the Miko’s hand when it envelops her own. Suisei doesn’t open her eyes, but she interlocks Miko’s fingers with her own.

“Mikochi, why are you so good to me?”

She chances a glance at Miko and finds the latter staring up towards the sky, as if searching for an answer.

Asking what nye means, more likely.

“If you say it’s because we’re business partners, I’m going to beat you up.” Suisei says, laughing. She finds her tone shaky as well. The cause maybe part nerves, part cold.

Miko meets her eyes. She smiles, her gaze turning playful. Mischievous. “It’s because we’re business partners.”

Suisei gives a small smile, trying to cover her disappointment. “Knew it. Can’t expect a serious answer from Sakura Miko. Knew. It.” She throws her vacant arm faux-dramatically, causing Miko to laugh.

“Oh yeah? How about you, Suichan? Why are you so sweet to me, huh?”

The comet’s eyes twinkle as she tilts her head adorably, “Eh? I’m sweet? Mikochi says I’m sweet, huh.” She says in the highest pitch she can muster.

“Of course you’re sweet. When you’re asleep.”

Suisei scoffs at that. “Hey! Take that back or I’m going to revoke your hand holding privileges!”

“Hah? That sounds way too business-y, Hoshimachi! Are you really sure you weren’t looking for a business answer?”

They both burst into laughter.

After a few minutes, the silence passes between them again.

Miko lays her head on Suisei’s shoulder and sighs, their hands still remaining linked between them. “When you said you were tired, I thought it’d be a good idea to surprise you with food and take you home.”

Suisei looks down at the tips of her shoes buried in the sand. That isn’t the answer she’s looking for. Rather, that’s not the right question Miko’s answering. But it’s not like she’s going to outright ask Miko if she’s in love with her. Asking such a fragile question would mean she’ll be making Miko confront her feelings for Suisei. It would mean rushing her. Her patience would be all for naught if she ruined it by rushing. So she nods slowly in response, instead. Pretending to be satisfied with the answer.

“And It’s because I like you. No, I love you.” Miko adds softly, almost inaudibly. “I love you, Suichan.”

There is a tightness in Suisei’s chest at Miko’s declaration. Maybe her heart is skipping a beat. Maybe several beats. Maybe she’s going into full blown cardiac arrest.

Miko sits up straight, serious but palpably nervous. Is it happening? Is it finally happening? Suisei gulps, her throat painfully dry.

“I’ve been trying my hardest to feel worthy of you.” Miko’s hand comes up to caress the side of her face carefully. She revels in Miko’s warm hold, but the anticipation of Miko’s words makes her unable to do anything other than anxiously hold her breath.

“Loving you comes easy, Suichan.” Miko’s voice is shaky, almost wet, as she tries to laugh. “When you sing, I fall in love a little more each time. But when you laugh, I feel like I want to hear that for the rest of my life.”

Despite the almost pitch black night, Suisei can see the tears forming in the corners of Miko’s eyes.

“I was scared. I didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t want to lose you.”

Suisei nods.

“A big part of that fear is that I was worried that I’m not someone you could rely on. That you’d reject me or leave me for not being good enough. There are times where I wanted to give up and bury my feelings for you. But I… I love you so much, Suichan. So I strived to be a better version of myself. I strived to be someone that could take care of you. Someone strong enough to support you. A person you can rely on.”

There it is. The puzzle that Suisei had managed to solve before – the reason why Miko kept going above and beyond for her.

For Suisei, it’s a silly thought. Of course she loves Miko just the way she is. But she didn’t want to dictate how Miko should feel or to minimize Miko’s worries. Even if Suisei were to reassure her that she’s more than enough, at the end of the day, Miko would only be convinced if she feels that about herself.

“I feel at ease now, confessing to you. I’m–” Miko pauses, taking a deep breath, trying to hold back her tears. Suisei squeezes her hand, doing everything she can to make Miko feel reassured. “I’m ready now because I know I’m doing my best to finally feel like I deserve your love. And if you don’t feel the same, I know I can accept it without any regrets, because I did my best. I’ll still be here, supporting you and taking care of you, no matter what happens. That will never change as long as you let me. As long as you’re comfortable. More than anything, you will never lose me as a friend, Suichan.”

“Mikochi…”

“You mean the world to me, you know? I’m in love with you.”

She’s waiting for the punch line, the business cherry on top of their beyond-platonic-but-unspoken-romantic cake of affection. The dance they do when they cross the line and then step back into the safety of their walls.

There is no punch line.

No cherry on top.

No dance.

Sakura Miko’s walls, once thought impenetrable, crumbling right before Hoshimachi Suisei’s very eyes.

Miko’s thumb rubs soothing circles on the back of Suisei’s hand, willing away the nerves, the hesitations. Despite the one being on the verge of crying, Miko is still taking care of her. That thought alone makes Suisei teary eyed as well.

“I love you, Suichan.” Miko repeats. And it’s a broken record Suisei wouldn’t mind repeating forever.

“Yes,” Suisei says, breathless. Finally, finally! She presses her forehead against Miko’s and whispers under her breath, “Please do.”

She feels Miko’s tender lips pressing against hers, soft and careful. She tilts her head, trying to catch more of the sensation, sliding her lips between Miko’s, feeling the unique sensation with a burning, passionate longing she’s been holding back for what felt like a millennia. Then, as fast as it came, it ends just as quickly, almost like it barely happened.

Suisei is having none of that. She grabs Miko by any fabric of her clothing she can get a hold of and pulls her in for one more. She swallows Miko’s startled noise and feels her smile into the kiss, folding her arms around Suisei’s neck, obliging, deepening it.

Miko pulls back, peppering her cheeks with kisses instead, kissing the corner of her upturned mouth, leaving small, playful pecks along her jaw.

“Mikochi~”

“Give me a sec, I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time you know.” Miko mumbles, kissing the spot behind her ear.

Suisei groans. “I’ve been waiting for it longer. Now, make out with me.”

“Wait, wait. Hold on.” Miko pulls away and looks at her, uncharacteristically nervous seeing as how she was basically attacking her neck just seconds before.

Miko’s still not answering. Suisei blinks, all red from the cold and the kissing, impatiently asking, “What?”

What could be so important that it interrupts an impending make out session?

“Do you love me back… or….?”

It takes a moment for the question to sink in. Suisei rolls her eyes and tilts her head back in disbelief. “You’re an idiot. You’re such a big idiot. Of course I love you! Also, I kinda knew you were in love with me too.”

“Really? How were you so sure?”

“Come on, Mikochi.” She leans in to give Mikochi a quick kiss. “Who wouldn’t fall in love with me?”

When Miko groans at that, Suisei laughs and pats herself on the back, incredibly satisfied.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took so long for me to feel like I was good enough for you.” Miko looks down, voice going quiet.

Suisei pulls Miko into a tight embrace. She can’t will away the troubles and anxieties that plagued Mikochi with that thought. It hurts her to hear that Miko had ever entertained the notion of herself as not being good enough. But it fills Suisei with a wondrous sense of joy that Miko’s starting to feel like she is. She was always amazing in Suisei’s eyes. But seeing her believe that about herself makes Suisei unbelievably happy.

“You’re more than enough for me. I loved you then, I love you now. And I’d wait even longer if it meant you were ready to be with me.”

“What if you waited for nothing?”

Suisei pulls back to give Miko a soft kiss on the forehead. “It’s not nothing if it’s for you, Mikochi.” She answers, as clear as the ocean water, the depth of those words rivaling even the deepest trenches of the sea.

They stayed up until the skies bloomed into foggy shades of vermillion and indigo, talking about everything and nothing. When Suisei talked – and, oh, did she do most of the talking – Miko looked at her like she was the brightest star in the whole universe. She hung on to every word, every pause, every hitch, every laugh, diligently following Suisei’s train of thoughts; an explorer following Polaris through the dawn of a brand new day.

Perhaps if infinity existed, Suisei would choose this moment as her home. She could live in this moment forever.

Bonus

“I’d like to return a ring, please.” Suisei says rather chirpily.

The lady behind the counter looks at her, obviously taken aback. “W– wha– pardon?”

Suisei smiles, not understanding the fear and confusion that crosses the saleslady’s face when she fishes the engagement box from out of her purse.

“This ring. I have the receipt right here. I think I bought this a few months ago but, well, here we are.” Suisei chuckles.

The lady tries to chuckle back but isn’t too sure if it’s appropriate. A customer returning an engagement ring (that isn’t for resizing) can only mean one thing – and usually they aren’t this chipper.

“I’m sorry to hear that… you certainly deserve better, I’m sure.”

Suisei’s eyes widen. “What? Oh, no, no!” She laughs. Too loudly. The few people in the jewelry store turn their heads toward her, looking at her like she’s got a few screws loose.

“No, see, my girlfriend proposed first. I’d like to refund this ring so I can treat her to Disneyland instead. Brilliant idea, right?” She asks, waving the velvet textured, crimson colored engagement ring box to emphasize her point.

The lady behind the counter focuses her gaze on the impressive diamond ring on Suisei’s finger. It sparkles almost blindingly against the indoor fluorescent lights. “Disney… land…?”

Suisei nods. “Yeah, Disneyland.” She lets out a Mickey Mouse laugh to demonstrate.

This doesn’t help her case to prove herself as a mentally sane and capable human being.

The lady merely nods, absolutely lost in this stream of events and giving up on understanding it at all. “O…kay. That can be arranged, ma’am.”

“Great! Mikochi’s gonna be so happy. I’m going to finally one-up her for that time she took me out on a not-date date before we started officially dating years ago.”

The lady’s brain has officially crashed. Suisei can almost hear the Windows XP shutdown sound. “…please, can I have the receipt and the product, ma’am?”

"Sure thing!" Suisei lays the box on the glass counter and opens it, showing the lady that the ring is perfectly safe and fine and in tact. Not even used.

Before the lady goes to the backroom, she looks at the sparkling diamond on Suisei's ring finger and says, "Congratulations on your engagement."

Suisei beams. "Thank you."