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The words Yoko Junior High School are written on a plaque in front of your middle school. The plaque is still unfamiliar, as are the people. The flowers of Hyogo have bloomed and dropped since your family came to live in this prefecture. But even time hasn't made this place home.
From your lonely window seat you peered longingly at the tip of the new buffet restaurant in your town. Your cousin, Mai, said she’ll take you there once her first set of exams are over.
When we move, you soon won’t miss home, because this will be your new home.
Now that Mai and her family moved here too, school was going to be a bit less lonely. You just needed to count down the minutes until lunch.
You are sitting in class now, fumbling with your new pastel highlighters. In the background is the quiet cheeriness of friendly conversation, just low enough that the teacher doesn’t mind. But, you’re not a part of it.
Every time you have a group task, you either clumsily turn to the people next to you and they half involve you, or you just do it all alone because it really doesn’t make much of a difference.
Atsumu reads out loud what is currently written on the board and turns to work with Osamu.
As usual, you are left out.
Unfortunately, this is not just any group task. Your heart speeds up in worry and you gulp. This group task is out of a lot more marks than a usual assignment. You can’t do it all alone.
The teacher is more observant than usual today, and she looks right at you.
‘Y/N, are you in any group yet?’
You shake your head.
She looks around, ‘Give me one moment to see who I can put you with.’ She narrows her eyes at the back of the classroom.
'I am becoming as good as you at being a setter, Samu. You're better as spiker. Then I will be setter.'
You peeked over in their direction. Osamu was trying to look anywhere but at Atsumu. He shifted away from him to avoid the incessant taps on his shoulder.
She frowns at the boys, ‘ATSUMU! Stop annoying Osamu! That’s it, you're not going to be in the same group!’
Osamu doesn’t care, but Atsumu's mouth is open like a goldfish.
‘Also, your group is too large. Kita and Ojiro, please take Atsumu with you to that side of the class. Y/N, please come join Osamu and Suna here.’
Osamu has not even looked at you yet, but your heart is racing. It is going so fast that you are sure everybody can hear your heart thrumming against your ribcage.
It’s so scary to be around popular boys.
The two boys are quiet. You think to yourself that at least they should talk since they know each other well so would be able to do the assignment well.
Osamu turns to Suna and says bluntly, ‘Swap with Aran, you never do any work.’
‘No way will I be in a group alone with just Kita and Atsumu. Kita is scary and Atsumu is even dumber than you.’
Osamu lets out a long breath.
Now that they stop fighting, Osamu reads the assignment tasks out loud.
‘Okay, we’ll just tell the teacher if you don’t do your parts, Suna.’
Finally, Osamu turns towards you. His beautiful stormy eyes look softly onto yours.
‘Maybe we should give each other our phone numbers to talk about this later. Suna, I’m making a group chat and you better be active in it! I’m serious.’
The bell rings, but all you hear is the same old silence as they leave you behind.
Then, like water dripping from a leaf onto still water, Osamu has sent you a text.
A single drop, but it’s startling enough.
You hurry out to the courtyard before he can look up to see you.
-
'Y/N, you’re in his group?’ Your cousin Mai is excited for you to be close with a popular person that you like, ‘Use this as a chance to get to know each other.' Mai ruffles your hair.
When the bell rings she slips back into the high school section of the building.
Two raindrops form a more noticeable ripple.
-
Osamu glares at Suna who you thought was supposed to be his friend, but are now starting to question it, ‘We can only meet on Wednesday afternoons. Both of us have volleyball training on every other day.’
‘We can ask to be allowed out of volleyball training on another day, and do it on that day,’ said Suna.
‘Why not record your show and watch it later?’ you say, not yet wary enough of the situation around you.
‘You’re so dumb Y/N, you’re so dumb,’ said Suna slamming his head into the pillow on his lap.
‘Recording shows exists and it is useful technology, so it’s you who is the dumb one, Suna!’ shrieks Osamu, and pulls Suna’s hair ‘you called her dumb five times, why are you so rude?’
Suna shrieked.
‘Okay fine, I’ll come Wednesday!’ said Suna and walked out of the room.
The three of you are seated the next meeting, and going around reading out your drafts.
It's your turn to read your draft.
You look up to see both boys leaning forward.
‘I didn’t hear that. Your voice is very soft, Y/N,’ explained Osamu.
‘Like an ant,’ muttered Suna.
The next week you prepare yourself before the meet up. You now know your voice needs to be louder. You regret not saying your ideas for the assignment last time, and decide you will bring them up this time for sure.
‘What did everyone prepare since last week?’ asked Osamu.
‘I didn’t prepare anything, because I’m really not happy about what we chose last week,' Suna said.
‘Which topic do you want?’ asked Osamu.
Suna answers,
‘Instead, let’s talk about modern history. I don’t know much about animals and welfare because I don’t have any so it’s not fair, and also everyone is doing that so let’s be different. And history is much easier.'
You bite your tongue and tears creep towards your eyes, like how it is when the teacher asks you a difficult question.
‘I don’t mind either choice,’ Osamu's voice is distant, ‘Let’s do that if you really want to, I guess.’
You've been unable to get a word in, but now it's certain that a border of glass has solidified around you. And you're the one on display.
‘I don’t know anything about history,’ you whisper.
‘What about history don’t you understand?’ asks Suna.
You're on display, and you wonder if you're allowed to speak.
‘I’ll explain it to you,’ says Osamu looking proud of his ability to help. Not knowing that teachers have tried to help you and you still blanked out, all the knowledge draining away at once.
You shake your head.
‘Would you rather we keep doing the animals subject?’ asked Osamu.
‘Nooo,’ scowled Suna, ‘I disagree.’
‘Yes?’ asked Osamu, ignoring Suna.
‘Look, I’ll explain exactly what I plan for us to do so we do the history topic well. I’ll show you my ideas and Y/N will show her ideas, then we can decide better,’ Suna says.
Suna explained some history, his hand gesturing wildly like he could see it all clearly, like there was a world around him. But it was just like it was in the classroom, except this time you're also on display in glass. Glass that hands couldn't reach in or out of.
Suna huffs and becomes quiet. It's your turn to speak.
‘We can use my cats as an example and include them in the research,’ you say, ‘There are various reasons animals need to be protected, not just because they are pets, but also because they are good for the ecosystem.’
‘Ecosystem…’ Suna looks like he’s trying to remember what that word means. It's the only word he's caught onto. You're struggling to decipher if that's a sign of his approval. His usual deadpan expression is betrayed by his eyes flickering like he wants to say something. He tells you silently that even though there's glass between the two of you, that he'll try reaching forward.
‘Actually, you do know a lot about this topic,’ Suna admits, ‘You can be our team leader because you know a lot.’
‘Are you all done yet?’ Atsumu knocked at the door, 'Why is your assignment taking forever?’
‘Y/N was explaining the ecosystem to us.’
‘Don’t you already know what that word means?’ asked Atsumu.
‘She was explaining it in detail, just like a teacher does.’
‘Well, dinner is nearly ready.’
Osamu’s face lights up, ‘We’re having maki. Yay yay yay.’
Osamu looks at you, ‘Do you want to join us?’
Atsumu looks at you, ‘You have to go home, your dad is at the front door asking for you.’
‘Oh…’ said Osamu, ‘I’ll save you some for you, Y/N!’
Atsumu teased him, 'You're probably going to eat them all, fatty.'
Three more drops of vibrant rain, dropped at once, will cause even more of a ripple. You wonder why he's offering to save you food. You wonder what friends are.
You don’t see Osamu for the rest of the week. But the day of the next promised meeting arrives, and Atsumu watches you coming to his house. His eyes are so fierce they could burn.
Osamu leads you to a study room. His voice is a whisper, ‘did Tsumu say anything mean to you?’
You shake your head.
‘Okay, good. Because he threw a tantrum and keeps snapping at everyone.’
Osamu’s eyes look red, like he cried.
‘Let’s do our assignment. Suna isn’t coming today because of a stup- no, because he has a reason but it’s not a good enough reason. Oh no! I planned to get you maki, but I completely forgot!’
‘It’s okay,’ you mumble. A promise is like friendship, except a promise has an expiry date. You wish you were real friends.
‘Urgh, now Tsumu will tease me and call me a fatty.’
You laugh at that despite yourself.
‘Luckily I know how to make meals,’ he said, ‘let’s go to the kitchen and hopefully Tsumu isn’t there.’
Osamu took out the bamboo mat and seaweed.
He emptied leftover rice from a plate and flattened the rice over the surface. He then took out containers. You pointed at five fillings you liked, and he put them on top.
He used the bamboo mat to roll it into a cylinder.
‘See, it’s easy because I’ve done it three times before.’
While you enjoy his food, he takes out a jar of pocky and munches on a stick.
Atsumu stormed into the kitchen. His head was down and his eyes glared up, looking like he’ll charge like a bull.
‘MUUUM, SAMU IS EATING THE POCKY YOU GOT FOR YOURSELF!’
Atsumu said to Osamu, ‘You’re not special, you’ll get hit too like you deserve. I got smacked for eating too much pocky,’ said Atsumu.
'You'll get smacked for screaming so loud,’ said Osamu.
Atsumu’s eyes brimmed with tears which he blinked back when one tear trailed down.
‘I hope you get smacked!’ wailed Atsumu.
‘I hope you stop talking forever,’ said Osamu, bored look in his eyes.
‘You’re supposed to be doing your assignment! I hope you fail it! You’re both stupid, and you have a girl in your group so that makes it even worse!’
Atsumu storms off.
‘Hey…Y/N…don’t be upset. We won’t fail the assignment,’ Osamu consoles you.
You know you look like a weakling but you can’t help but cry. Osamu takes you to the toilet and you just cry at the sink.
You don't know why you can't stop crying. Emotions flow from you like a waterfall. It's the only thing that ever does, the only thing that makes a sound. Out of all times, this is when you want to be the least noticeable.
You're on display, in glass, and there's a field of flowers and in the field are people like Osamu who are so flawlessly secure. You'll never be like him.
‘I’ll call your parents,’ said Osamu.
You tried to tell them what happened but you just can’t. So, Osamu talks for you and tries to interpret what you’re trying to say through your sobs.
You become calmer once you’re in your bed and drink lots of water.
-
'Do you feel better today?’
Surprisingly, it is Suna asking you this time.
‘Don’t worry about Atsumu. He’s mean to everyone when he gets upset. Nobody talks to him then.’
‘I feel a bit better, thanks for asking.’
Osamu follows you after class to check on you.
‘He wasn’t angry at you, so don’t worry about it. He was already so angry about lots of things from before that. Tsumu has a, hmm, an attitude problem. My mum smacks him all the time because of it.'
You are relieved to know that Atsumu isn’t after you and that you did nothing wrong.
Osamu sighed, ‘That idiot better apologise to you.’
You giggle.
-
‘Mai? Why are you picking me up?’
‘I promised to take you to the buffet when exams are over. Are you done with your assignment for now?’
‘I am, I can do the rest at home!’ you say loudly.
‘Hi Y/N’s friend! Do you want to come too?’
Osamu’s mouth dropped, ‘Yes please!’
Osamu’s mum comes out, ‘I don’t want to make you spend your money,’ she said concerned.
‘Kids are free on Wednesdays so don’t mind that. Are they okay with me if I promise to look after them well?’
‘In that case, that’s fine.’
‘I want to come too,’ said Suna.
He called his parents and they let him.
Osamu and Atsumu sang food nursery rhymes all the way to the restaurant. You are glad that Atsumu is in a cheerful mood this time.
‘Your cousin is so cool, Y/N,’ said Osamu, ‘thank you for taking us Mai-chan!’
Suna echoed him.
‘Say thank you to senpai,’ nagged Osamu to his brother.
‘Thank you,’ said Atsumu. He sank back in his seat like he wanted to disappear.
There is a cardboard that says:
“Middle School Kids and Younger Eat Free. Must Be Accompanied by an Older Person.”
‘Woahhh!’ you all exclaimed at the buffet. There were hotpot cookers and next to them raw meat, dumplings and noodles with smoke coming out in front of people who were making their own food.
There were trays and trays of food. There were salads, seafood and bread. At seeing the fatty tuna, Atsumu sang a song about tuna and filled half his plate with it.
You all filled up your stomachs until you couldn’t eat any more. That all changed when dessert came up. The four of you rushed to try the things on the new trays. There were colourful hanami dango which were rice dumplings on a skewer which all of you put on your plate.
At the end of the night the four of you kids bowed politely to Mai-chan. You hugged your cousin tightly.
The next day after school you smile at the text you receive.
Osamu: Can I sit with you in breaks from now on Y/N? That way we can get the assignment done. Do you want to sit with us too, Suna?
Osamu: Hello? Suna?
And so, the assignment grants you a friend, even a temporary one. The days run like promises as Osamu brings you maki and in turn you save for him your mum’s onigri.
Your legs dangle over the stairs next to his during breaks that feel everlasting and granting you freedom. Freedom to eat all the never-ending maki that Osamu offers. To share food from your own home and be met with his thankful smile.
Freedom to sit with a friend.
-
You are walking home alone thinking about the group assignment and how proud you are of yourself for putting in your all. Your teacher gave you just over a month to complete it in total, and it is due tomorrow.
You see Osamu behind you catching up.
‘Hello Osamu,’ you say to not be awkward. You have met him so many times so you felt a tiny bit more familiar around him, but still anxious.
‘Hello Y/N, let’s meet up in person to practice the presentation for tomorrow. Are you busy this evening or tonight?’
‘No, where should we meet? Did you tell Suna yet?’
‘I asked Suna, he said he’ll do the presentation. He has even done all his parts so now we don’t need to worry about him. To answer your first question, let’s go to your house.’
You nod.
There's something comforting about Miya Osamu. His eyes are gentle although they're dark like rainy clouds. They must hold the kind of rain you would dance in.
You realise you’ve been whipping your finger in your hair from how awkwardly shy you are. You lead Osamu to your bedroom. At home you don’t like studying where people can easily walk in on you, and you don’t have space for a table. Osamu doesn’t mind this and plops onto your bed.
Internally you are screeching as you didn’t think this far ahead. You have spent time with Osamu before, but usually it was at a library, it was the middle of the day, and Suna was with you two. This time felt very different. You can’t really pinpoint why, but Osamu makes you shyer than anyone else does.
Osamu has his phone out because he got a notification. He starts laughing loudly.
‘Bahaha look at this idiot!’ It is a video of Suna falling off a bike trying to do tricks on it. He makes you watch the video. You can’t help but giggle a little bit.
Thanks to Osamu’s friendly and funny personality, you feel more comfortable around him, even though he’s sitting on your bed. You almost forget about the proximity of you too, and love the silent vibe between you too. Your legs dangle comfortably together next to his. While smiling, you turn on your laptop.
When you watch him leave, you can’t help but wish you could talk to him more. After all, you now feel as if he’s a real friend of yours, especially since you are addicted to his cheerful attitude during meetups.
Now alone, you muffled your scream and rolled around in your bed. Just being around Osamu for a bit made you feel so happy.
-
‘Hey Y/N!’ Osamu called out your name during school. He appeared extra joyful, ‘I want to meet up this afternoon. For a special reason.'
Your group already presented the assignment, so it was confusing why Osamu still wanted to meet up with you.
‘Is it a surprise?’ You ask.
‘If you like surprises it can be.’
‘Well I don’t mind waiting. Where should we meet?’
You like surprises. You're glad you have been getting so many of them since meeting Osamu.
Osamu asks you to wear something warm because it was going to be at night time.
Atsumu was in a much better mood today. You saw him setting a volleyball to himself in front of the stairs. He nearly faceplanted when you attempted to walk past him.
'Hey,' he stared accusingly at you, 'where are you and my brother going today in the afternoon?'
You shrug, remembering how Osamu told you he's giving you a surprise.
'My mum said you're going somewhere and that I'm not allowed. Why am I not allowed?'
Osamu came next to you and held your hand, 'didn't you say you didn't care?' he said to Atsumu.
Your heart raced at speeds of lightning from the feel of Osamu palms on yours.
'Atsumu you idiot, you're blocking the way!!' Suna growled at Atsumu, rubbing his tired eyes and looking vicious.
Osamu laughed, his laugh hearty and mocking at Atsumu’s annoyed red face as he moves to the side. All the time you could only think about how he was still holding your hand, fingers clasping between yours. He's unaffected even when his twin glares at your hands with suspicion.
Your mum drives you to the location that Osamu told you about. Your mum smiles at you proudly, and you wish you asked Osamu what the occasion was.
Osamu greets you at the front of the park, then holds your hand and walks you down the grassy decline. Your mouth opens at the picnic mat that was stretched on the grass, weighed down at the corners by bags.
‘Thanks for looking after my things, Tsumu.’
Atsumu appears carefree this time, and even greets you politely at your arrival. He asks you a burst of questions, but Osamu sends him on his way with a kick on his butt. You and Osamu are finally given some privacy. You're more confident to talk when it's just you and Osamu.
Osamu gives you a deep tin that had filled up one of the corner bags. You open it and find a mix of white, milk and dark chocolate.
‘It’s because of White Day,’ he explains, ‘Did you figure it out before? I feel like you didn’t.’
‘Thank you. I love assorted chocolates.’
‘Pick the ones you like,’ he said cheerfully.
You picked out your favourite types of chocolate that you haven't eaten in some time.
‘I know you like chocolates too,’ you said, offering him the tin. Osamu gladly took some chocolates.
Osamu then opened the bento boxes he prepared. Together you ate enough food that made you stuffed. You peered at Osamu. You have never before seen him look so satisfied and angelic than right now in the twilight.
You swallow and prepare yourself. Right now felt like the right moment. Even if it was terrifying, it wasn’t going to get easier by itself.
‘Osamu?’
He looks at you. Now that you had his attention your mind was spinning fast.
‘Let’s be friends, Osamu!’
‘You can always hang out with me if you want. You don’t need to ask.’
You feel like he didn’t understand.
‘Not in that way. I mean, I really l-like you! Let’s keep doing that thing where we share food every break?'
But it wasn't a question, at least he didn't see it as one. Asking things meant you had to be ready to expect rejection. Osamu was not the type to say no to food friendships.
“Hey. I like the sound of that!’