Archive of Our Own ^beta

The world was, as far as Kiyotaka was concerned, a very weird place.

Sure, he had three centuries of knowledge on how the world worked, and its many mysteries. But two centuries was still like a baby when you’re talking about kitsunes. He knew of legendary ones that lived past nine hundred years old, like Tamamo no Mae. He aspired to become old and wise as well, but not like a nogitsune, no!

He wanted to be good. Maybe one day he could even ascend to a kiko, but he knew those in general had usually five hundred years of age, so he still had a long way to go until he could go past his current status of a chiko.

He wasn’t ashamed of his status, no! He just… there was so much on this world, so much he still wanted to see, as he traveled across Japan. He wanted to one day leave the borders of the country as well, see different places, learn about different cultures and such. There was so much to learn about medicine, astrology, physics, humanity had made such progress on things, it was fascinating! But there was also the knowledge of the soul, of the being, that he still had yet to achieve in order to ascend to a spiritual being.

It was all very fascinating to the “young” kitsune. And up until now, he managed to do a very good job of hiding his true self from humans, even if the form he usually took was described as…odd looking. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing wrong with his favored look, just because his eyebrows were a little bit thick doesn’t mean he welcomes people mocking him!

Some humans were just too rude.

But sadly, he still had one weakness that made him run away from locations.

Dogs.

It wasn’t his fault that dogs scared him. It was a common fear for his kind, and he wasn’t past that yet! Sure, he would have to get rid of said fear if he wanted to go forward on his rank, but it was so difficult! Dogs just evoked a primal instinct on him, to run away and hide in a hole…

And apparently, dogs were also a common pet for many humans.

Why? Was there some sort of appeal his instincts couldn’t perceive? Was that another kind of knowledge he was just doomed to never properly understand? What was so good about slobbery faces that insisted on barking whenever caught sight of Taka?

The barking was the worst part. It made him quiver in fear and his tails would always pop from his disguise, and so he would have to hide away. He never visited parks at the day for this very specific reason, more than often people took their dogs there for a walk.

Usually, at least, the night was safe. If he did spot a dog, there would be many places to hide, as the dark helped, but most of the time there was no dogs and no people around the night, so he could go and relax on the main park, which was what he was going to do.

Being in as much nature as the city allowed was nice, it was like taking a break from socializing and looking around things. The nature was his roots, after all, and the places he enjoyed the most where those with trees. It almost made him want to dig holes on the ground, like an actual fox, but he was above that need. Mostly.

It felt so good to be there, as he sat on a bench and closed his eyes, completely relaxed. He almost wanted to fall asleep there, even if he knew that humans usually didn’t do that. Still, the few lights were somehow soothing, and he really felt at home on the park…

Soon enough, he heard footsteps. He still didn’t open his eyes; it was probably just another human walking around. It was pretty late, though, maybe it was someone ill intentioned? Not like he had something to worry about that, considering what he was.

“Damn it…” he heard a male human voice complain, still a little bit far away, but his ears were pretty good “It’s ok, Chuck, we’re almost there… damn it, they even did a number on you… you really shouldn’t have jumped to help me, but you’re such a loyal dog…”

Wait, dog?!

Kiyotaka opened his eyes, staring at the man who was now closer, carrying a small white dog and with a small bag on one of his hands. Both the man and the dog seemed to be injured, and as the light showed him better, it was visible that the man had bruises on his face and was limping. He seemed to be in severe pain, yet was still holding the dog, Chuck, probably, very close to his chest. The dog seemed to be in pain as well, considering how still it was and how one of his paws was bent down in an odd angle.

Taka got so distracted looking at them, that he almost forgot his fear of dogs.

“What are you looking?” the man said rudely, frowning, but as his dog noticed Kiyotaka, he started barking and trying to move towards him. Oh, no! No, please, doggy! Taka trembled as he started to walk backwards, and the man held on his dog tighter “What’s wrong, boy? It’s just another guy! I’m here, it’s ok!”

The dog still barked, and soon enough, Taka could feel his spell failing and his three tails slipping from his rear.  He was still shaking, looking panicked as the man noticed the tails just hanging there as he rushed to get up and run away.

“Hey, wait! What the fuck?” the rugged-looking man called him, but Kiyotaka didn’t pay attention, simply choosing to shift to his kitsune form and ran to hide in between the trees. He didn’t want to leave the park yet, and to be honest… he was worried about that man. And even the dog.

It was probably a good sign that he was so worried, though.

The man simply looked around, trying to find the fox, but failing to do so. He sighed.

“I thought maybe the guy would like to at least help me fix this shit…” the human dragged himself towards the bench, groaning as he sat down, now petting his dog as gently as he could while placing him on the bench as well “Damn, Chuck, did you see that? Those guys beat me up so good I thought I saw a fox running away from us… maybe the guy was just a mirage…”

So, it was as Kiyotaka thought. The man had been on a fight, and it ended bad for him, at least. No way of knowing the full outcome without asking, and he wasn’t going to do that. Still, he felt bad for him. He shifted back in his human disguise, slowly walking away from his hiding spot.

“Excuse me, do you… do you need help?” he asked, still very close to his beloved tree. If needed, he could hide back there as well.

“Oh, shit, you’re real and not a mirage?” the man asked back, looking stunned as he took the contents from his bag: bandages, disinfectant, some cotton and a small towel “I mean, sure? If you really want to. Did I see that shit for real, or was that just the blow in the head making me see stuff?”

“…” Taka wasn’t sure if he should tell him that. Maybe it was for the best to keep it as much of a secret as he could, but then, he would have to approach the dog to help him… there was no way of going back at that point “Yes, but let’s not focus on that. It’s just a detail. I’ll help you then.”

And just like that, Kiyotaka slowly walked towards the man. So slowly, it made the other guy raise one eyebrow quizzically. Taka didn’t remove his eyes from the dog, who simply stared at him and eventually barked as he got too close.

Oops, there goes the tails again.

“Oh, do they pop out every time he barks? Are you afraid of him?” the man asked, petting his dog “He’s just a good boy, there’s nothing to be afraid of him! He’s so small and cute!”

“Ngh, it’s not a fear I can control! It’s very common for my kind, if you must know!” Taka felt the need to defend himself, as he finally got closer and the dog barked again, making him jump back in fear. No, he had to focus!

Slow and steady, and with a few more instances of him stopping in fear every bark, Kiyotaka finally reached the man, shaking as the dog sniffed way too close to him. At least the dog wasn’t reacting so badly, maybe because Taka was there to help? Who knew?

Finally, he reached him, and grabbed the cotton and the disinfectant. Now that he looked the man up close, he had a few open cuts that luckily wouldn’t require stitches, but definitely needed to be cleaned and the right kind of bandage needed to be used. The man apparently bought many kinds of bandages, probably because he wasn’t sure of which he should use.

“What is your name?” Kiyotaka asked, trying his best to focus on the man and not on the dog, as he put some disinfectant on the cotton and pressed it on the cut on the other guy’s temple, ignoring his hissing in pain. It was necessary.

“Mondo…Mondo Owada. Yours?” ah, a very interesting name. Not a common name, as far as Taka knew.

“Kiyotaka, but you may call me Taka. What happened to you?” he finished cleaning disinfecting the wound and placed a large, adhesive strip on it, it would be the best for such a cut.

“Some guys jumped on me as I was taking Chuck for a walk, apparently they didn’t like me walking on their turf because I used to be the leader of a biker gang” Mondo shrugged and winced as even that motion hurt “Managed to take on most of them, though. You should see their faces.”

“I would rather not, I dislike violence” Kiyotaka sighed, examining Mondo’s face again. He had very beautiful lilac eyes, they said the eyes were the windows of the soul, and Mondo’s eyes were so… gentle, in a way. Despite the eyeliner he used, to make them look rougher, he still had something soft on him. Maybe that was why he had such a tiny breed of dog? A rough guy would be expected to have one of those big dogs, and he did speak to his dog in a gentle tone.

He was getting sidetracked. No, he had to finish up taking care of the man’s wounds.

Taka went back on cleaning the few more cuts Mondo had, a few on his hands, probably from punching the other guys. Mondo sometimes hissed from the disinfectant, but otherwise remained calm and stayed still.

“You’re doing really good with this, you know. Not the first time, I assume?”

“Hah, I used to be the leader of a gang, man” Mondo laughed “It comes with the job.”

“Hmm, I don’t know much about what being the leader of such a thing entails, but if it is related to violence, I can’t say I understand the appeal.”

“It’s more about freedom, to be honest” Mondo winced as the last cut was properly fixed, he still had many bruises but those would heal anyway “Even if being a leader means you have a ton of responsibility, it’s about providing for people what the world won’t give us. Sometimes it’s freedom, sometimes it’s family. It’s going against the rules that never helped us.”

That was… an interesting take. It went against everything that Kiyotaka knew about human society, as rules were meant to help people and avoid chaos. But for people like Mondo, chaos was probably the closest thing they had of a home. It made sense in a way, since as far as Taka knew, society sometimes needed to change and adapt to make things better. Maybe it was time for another change.

Maybe he needed to change a little bit as well, to look at every place and try to understand their view.

This human was very, very weird, but at the same time, he was fascinating. His dyed hair was weird, his need to look tough was… curious, who would try to look tough and point out the damage he did in another person’s face to a kitsune? Mondo Owada would, apparently, even if there were no social points to gain.

He was clearly a troubled man. Kiyotaka felt an urge to know him more, to help him.

It was somewhat weird, to feel like that. Maybe it was another sign that he was closer to ascending to a kiko? Maybe in another hundred years, he could understand it all better…

“You know, you’re… really nice, stopping to help me” Mondo looked away from him, blushing a little bit “Usually people don’t do that, but I guess you’re not human, so… heh.”

“Indeed. I try to be a good kitsune, though. Helping people is just part of that” even so, it was still an odd feeling, to move forward and actively help while showing his own form. His tails were still out, moving a little bit. At least Chuck wasn’t trying to bite them.

“It’s nice. Wish we had more people like that” and with that, Mondo took Chuck on his lap again, and Kiyotaka moved a little back from them, getting a small chuckle from the human “I just need to check his wounds… this little man is so loyal, when they came after me, he tried to bite them… got him a few kicks, though. I really wish they didn’t hurt him…”

“Is that why people have dogs as pets? Loyalty?”

“Yep. That, and they’re cute.”

That made sense…and now that he was closer to a small one, he could sort of agree that they were cute. Still scary and their barking still freaked him out, but cute. And any animal that could be this loyal surely was good enough on his book.

“They broke the bone…I’ll have to take him to the vet, but now there isn’t one open…” Mondo sighed “I guess I should be going, anyway. Will I see you again, though?”

That was a weird question. Did it matter? But soon Taka found out that it did, in a way. He wanted to know more about this odd human, learn more from his perspective. It could be enlightening!

“Maybe. I’ll be around this park at night, if you ever want to see me again. Take care, Mondo Owada.” Taka smiled at him, watching as Mondo smiled back and got up with Chuck and his bag on his arms.

“I guess I’m going to check this park more often, then.”

And so, he did.

It was interesting, to have Mondo visiting the park the next day. His injuries weren’t fully healed, and this time he came without his dog, a very good thing for Kiyotaka as it meant he didn’t have to worry about anyone else seeing his true form slip.

“So, what sort of things can you do? I don’t know much about that kinda shit, sorry, but you got me curious. There are more of you, right?” Mondo certainly looked curious as they both were sitting down on the bench, alone at night. It was probably dangerous for the human to be there so late, but he guessed Mondo could take care of himself.

“Yes, there are more kitsunes like me. I suppose we can make this an exchange of knowledge, where I talk more about my kind, and you tell me more about yourself and how living works for you? I would love to learn more about humans, and sometimes there are things you can only find out by asking.”

“…sure, a little weird but nothing wrong with that” Mondo shrugged.

“Excellent!” Taka beamed, very satisfied with his answer “To answer your questions, I’m specifically a chiko, right now. I hope to ascend to a kiko after I complete five hundred years. I can shapeshift like most kitsunes, and I can possess people, but I usually do that only to grant blessings.”

“Yeah, you say those names, but I don’t really know much about them… I guess I’ll have to search it later” the human scratched his head, frowning at his own lack of knowledge “But possessing people sounds scary…”

“It’s not nearly as bad as it sounds, really. Even the higher ones like tenko can possess people, and they bring up good things by doing so! Anyway, I wanted to ask you about your…way of showing yourself. It’s different from most people I see. Last night, you tried to look tough to me, but I don’t see the benefit from doing so.”

“Oh, that… it’s not so much from a benefit, you know?” Mondo looked a bit embarrassed, maybe he didn’t expect to be questioned about it? “It’s just, when you’re doing that for so long… it becomes a habit, to get nervous about how people look at you. I used to do everything to be looked as a scary, big guy… these days not so much, but I still get caught doing that shit sometimes.”

“I assume it is from your past, as a biker gang leader, correct?”

“Yep. By the way, do all of your kind sound so… proper and stuff? ‘Cause wow, you sure do.”

“I don’t know, this is just how I am. We all have personalities, after all.”

It was impressive, how much their conversations could teach Kiyotaka new things. He learned of camaraderie, listening about Mondo’s tales of when he was a gang leader, had this bodyguard that was shorter than Taka but still really knew how to fight. He learned how despite his rough exterior, Mondo really was soft and actually touch starved, as the few moments Taka touched his hair out of curiosity, to see if it was as soft as it looked, Mondo leaned on the touch, only to get too embarrassed and shout at Taka for doing it.

Slowly, days after days, as the weeks went, they got closer. Mondo even invited him to his home, showing him his carpentry tools. It had been surprising to find out that the human was a carpenter, such a hard-working job that Kiyotaka admired. To even Kiyotaka’s surprise, he got emotional seeing Mondo work one day, as he realized that he had a friend, after such a long time going alone, was someone so amazing.

That was something new that Mondo taught him as well, friendship.

It was such an odd concept. The idea that in a way, he was bound to Mondo, a human. It probably wasn’t unheard of, but for Kiyotaka, someone that used to only observe humans from a distance? It was as if a new world opened up for him. A world where there was touching, hugging from the side, laughing together as they watched something on the TV.

He was even learning more about technology and entertainment!

Taka was truly astonished with how much one person could teach him. He would have to try the whole friendship thing with humans more often! But nothing could surpass his bound with Mondo, something that started out of curiosity about each other and slowly made way to a bond.

And he knew he was teaching Mondo new things as well.

Somehow, Taka was getting the role of the caretaker in their relationship. Some days Mondo felt bad, for reasons he wouldn’t tell Taka, but accepted as the kitsune cooked something for him, even if it was something simple.

It took him some time to notice that he was teaching Mondo how to receive help. It was only after Mondo admitted it himself, begrudgingly.

“To be fair… you’re really taking care of me. Don’t know how to handle that, but you do, and… it’s good. Really good” Mondo was blushing, that massive man was embarrassed about it and for some reason, Taka found it adorable.

“It’s nothing, Mondo! If anything, I’m happy to experience taking care of someone as well!” even if it was hard, sometimes, as Chuck would get caught up between his legs and he was still very, very afraid of the dog. Even if after such time together, he realized that Chuck was now friendly towards him.

It just felt natural, to take care of a man that sometimes struggled to take care of himself. He didn’t think much about it. Some days he would end up helping him clean, other days they would go to the grocery store together while talking about life in general.

The most surprising thing Mondo taught him, however, was how intimacy could be… almost maddening.

It was weird, how sometimes they would stay together, sitting next to each other, and somehow, he wanted to lay down his head on Mondo’s shoulder. It wasn’t because he was tired, it was just… because of pure affection.

Taka didn’t know how to deal with that. There was probably some hidden meaning towards his actions, his feelings, but he couldn’t decipher those at all! How was he supposed to go on, with a new thing to learn that he couldn’t fully understand?

He didn’t mention it to Mondo. No, it felt like something he had to understand on his own, instead of troubling his good friend. A journey to know himself better, in a way, was good for his spirit. And being a spirit himself, it would be extra good! He just had to be patient and enjoy the moments he had next to the human.

Maybe that was the key to everything.

It was only after a while that everything clicked.

The way he leaned towards Mondo whenever they would be side to side, the way he felt his heart beat faster whenever they got closer, the way they would sometimes just stay quiet and look at each other as the time passed and none of them noticed, or the way he did things just to see Mondo blush, like holding his hand or laying his head on his lap…

It was all romantic, wasn’t it?

Kiyotaka felt sure of it. It was… a very new experience, to feel such a way. He was never a very social one, so he never felt this way before. And it was so natural at that point, like being domestic about it was just to be expected. It was still a bit confusing, but at least he knew what he felt.

What to do about it, though? That was an entirely different story.

Taka simply decided to go on as the days passed, getting closer to Mondo as time went on. They still were very domestic, and each day meant he could learn a new thing about himself through Mondo.

Like how despite happening years ago, hearing about his troubles as a gang leader still bothered him deeply, enough that Mondo noticed.

“Shit, sorry if that bothered ya, I thought you were used to listening to violence at this point? It was really common back then…”

“No, it’s not that…” Kiyotaka sighed, uncomfortable. That was also a new feeling. How much would Mondo teach him? “It’s just… even if it is in the past, I still worry about you. I’m sorry you went through such troubling times.”

“Oh…that’s…really sweet, you know” and yet Mondo couldn’t stare at him, but then, his face was red from embarrassment, so that made sense “I don’t get why you worry so much about me, though. You just got a heart too big, I guess.”

“Of course it’s big, how else would it accommodate how much I care about you?” it was things like that that made Taka feel like he said too much, as Mondo’s eyes widened and simply stared at him.

“Man, you really don’t pull your punches…” how amazing it was to see someone to blush that hard “You’re really…caring, it’s nice. I’m not sure if I should, but I feel like you make me a better person, and… I don’t want that to stop. Ever.”

That was a new feeling as well. To understand how much he changed Mondo’s life by taking care of him, by doing something that started as a very difficult but necessary good deed on his life… to think that a human would give him so much in such a short span of time. There were even more things that didn’t meet the eye, things that Kiyotaka was only noticing thanks to Mondo.

What was three hundred years worthy of knowledge if a human could teach you so much in a few hours?

Despite his feelings, he never felt the need to do anything about them. No, if anything he was almost afraid to do something that could change their relationship. Mondo became necessary to him, someone he needed to thrive. Maybe even to ascend. Even his fear of dogs was slowly going away, as one day Mondo got home and he was curled up as a three-tailed fox, with Chuck sleeping right next to him, cuddling.

Apparently, that was the most adorable thing Mondo had ever seen, or at least that was what he said.

But even so, Taka was still very afraid to ruin everything by mentioning feelings that had no place there. Besides, Mondo was a human. He wouldn’t live past a century, even if he was very lucky to have a long human life. If Kiyotaka shed his body for a spiritual one, he would become immortal…

There was no hope for such a relationship, and he knew that well.

And yet, there was one thing he overlooked when considering humankind.

How brave they were.

“Hey, Taka… I need to tell you something” Mondo started, one day, looking very nervous and this close to shouting, but still trying to control his volume. That was just another thing Kiyotaka helped him, too “I, fuck man, this is hard, but I think… I think I really like you. You don’t have to like me back, but… I wanted you to know that. You really changed my life ever since you helped me at the park, and I’m really thankful for that.”

“Why…why are you telling me this?” Kiyotaka wanted to say more, say how much he felt, but his doubts were bigger than anything. He was so confused! “Surely you know this isn’t something guaranteed to end well, so why would you risk it? Besides, I will outlive you. I can’t say I don’t feel the same, you changed me in so many ways I will carry forever, but do you understand that I can’t give you a family, that I won’t age and you won’t be able to take me to places as a couple as you get older? There are many implications here, I just…why?”

“Because you’re worth it” it was just that, a simple sentence and a weak smile.

Kiyotaka had clearly underestimated him and his feelings. He never expected things to get to such a point… but they did.

“You said you like me, right?” Mondo continued, bashful “Then…can I kiss you? Just one kiss? It’s ok if you don’t want to! We can pretend I never said anything!”

A kiss.

It was the first time Taka ever considered kissing the other man.

“Go ahead.”

And as Mondo held his face and closed the distance between them, Taka finally understood what it meant to love.

It was a wonderful feeling, to feel Mondo’s lips touching his, to feel how much he cared about him through a gesture. It made him feel complete, as if there was something missing on him before and it just got filled thanks to the human. Maybe he was always missing Mondo, he just didn’t know yet.

His lips moved against Mondo’s, a little uncertain from not knowing how to kiss properly, but soon they found a rhythm and melted in a more passionate kiss. Soon they had to breathe, but barely moved away from each other, just enjoying the close moment between them.

“Mondo… are you sure about this? Is this what you truly want?” Kiyotaka had to ask, he had to be sure about it. He wasn’t sure of it himself, if he did want to be in a relationship with a human, but at the same time his energy was contagious, he felt like there was going to be a way to make it work without ending in suffering. He just needed a proper idea for it…

“Yeah… is this what you want, though? I understand if you don’t want to stay with someone that will live so short compared to your own life…” even so, Mondo seemed to be in pain from the idea. And Taka realized that he hated to see Mondo with such a sad expression.

So many feelings, the human was teaching him. So many feelings he thought were just possible for humans, such attachment, but there he was, feeling all of it. It made him want to stay with Mondo, watch him grow, maybe they could stay for years and years, and never get separated…

It was only then that he remembered the tale of Kuzunoha. The mother of Abe no Seimei, she was a kitsune that had a child with a human male. If she could have a child, out of all things, with another human…then maybe there was hope for him with this relationship.

“I think… it might work. I don’t know if we will stay together until the end of your human life, but… I plan to ascend to a kiko, and maybe one day might even become a tenko. When this happens, I will live on the sky… and one day your spirit will reach it as well. As long as you promise to stay together with me, I will wait for the day you join me.”

“Taka, are you serious?” Mondo looked like he was about to cry, smiling as if he didn’t believe it “That’s some real commitment there, man… I don’t know what to say…”

“I’m as serious as I can be. I wouldn’t have it any other way. You brought me so many new experiences, no one ever accepted my true form like that. You showed me kindness, your soft side, you gave me many things and I can’t wait for what else you can teach me.”

“I don’t know how exactly I taught you anything… I’m not smart.”

“You are, when it comes to living. You taught me how to live and how to enjoy life” Taka smiled, holding Mondo’s hands and squeezing them “You taught me about feelings, and I think that everyday next to you will have another thing for me to learn… I have a long way until I ascend, but having you next to me makes me think that I might actually get there. You make me feel like I can actually ascend, Mondo.”

“Do you really believe that I can get to the sky as well? Me? I’m just a guy that went through some shit, there is nothing really special about me…”

“Of course, you can! It might be difficult, but I believe in you!”

They simply stared at each other; no more words necessary as the idea sank in.

It would be really difficult; they would be talking about something that could take centuries. If they really wanted to be in a relationship, they would go with the idea of a commitment after life as well. It wasn’t just simply dating, considering the stakes. But they both appeared to accept it, and that was good for Taka.

It seemed like he still had much to learn, but it was ok. He had a lovely boyfriend to teach him the ways of living and loving, after all.