Work Text:
After she’s found out who - what - she really is, she felt as if her whole world had fallen apart. Was all of what they shared a lie? How could her feelings for him be manipulated?
What did all of it mean? She desperately needed the answer, some closure for this. They’d talk , she thought. They would, one day. But today is not that day.
She went to the kitchen and found a bottle of wine, having a glass with it did not even cross her mind. She glanced at the door and remembered the last time he was here with her. She also remembered when she asked him to stay, but he chose partying over her. Tears streamed down her face, and she sat down on the floor and leaned on the door, trying to hold back the sob that was threatening her to escape.
But, why would she? Trixie went out with Maze and she was all alone here. Sitting in the darkness that was about to pull her in too deep, she is not sure if she has enough strength to fight it.
Every gulp of wine burned inside of her, but it wasn’t worse - couldn’t be worse than the feeling she felt.
Why me? She kept asking herself the same question over and over, but there was nobody to answer, nobody to hear her cries and sobs that were escaping her lips. Not until she heard steps approaching her home, loud knocking and the man she loved, or so she thought, calling her name.
‘’Detective!’’ he said.
Hearing his voice felt even worse, somehow. She has longed for him for two months, and now when he is back she can’t have him. It was meant to be Lucifer and her , not them and that realization hurt her more like the axe so sharp that could cut through her limbs, straight to her heart.
‘’Detective, are you there?’’ she heard him speak again. ‘’I would like to make things right before,’’ he sighed, then added ‘’before i have to go home.’’
Home. The world throbbed in her ears. Did he really consider Hell as his home?
‘’I know this whole gift situation is bothering you and,’’ he took a deep shaky breath and continued. ‘’I… I was wrong. It was wrong of me trying to ignore it.’’ he admitted. More to himself than to her. She felt his pain too, she knows he’s hurt too but there is a big difference between them now. He was given a gift, and the gift in question was she. Was she even a real person? She took the bottle of wine next to her lips and took the small gulp of it and tried to silence her sobs as much as she could. She did not want him to know she’s there. So close, yet so far from him.
‘’A wise woman once said that the only way to deal with your problems is to talk about them. So, just hoping you and I might be able to do that now.’’
He stopped talking, probably waited for her to tell him something. To tell him that she is ready but she couldn’t because she was not. The bottle she had been holding in her hands was nearly empty. She despised alcohol, but since Lucifer went to Hell she gave in. When she was going out with Maze to LUX, she would always order whiskey - she felt closer to Lucifer when she drank what he had loved.
She looked up to the window she had on her doors and there wasn’t his shadow anymore. She thought he’d left but instead, she felt him closer. Just as if he was sitting on the same spot from the other side of the door.
‘’Chloe,’’ he tried, voice loud enough for her to hear it. ‘’I know you’re somewhere here, close to the door I heard your sobs.’’
She couldn’t say anything to him. She feared if she opened her mouth to speak all of the emotions she’s been holding back since he came here would escape. She didn’t want him to know she’s broken, but she is well aware that he knows her. Knows her better than she knows herself.
‘’Just listen to me, please.’’ His broken voice filled the place around them, and she was biting her hand to suppress her crying to be heard.
‘’When I found out about this, about who you really are was after our first kiss.’’ She couldn't see him, but she knew a soft smile stretched his lips when he mentioned the kiss mirroring hers.
He inhaled sharply.
‘’I felt so happy after you told me we were real, I felt invincible. I thought ‘finally, the Devil found his happiness’ , but,’’ he sighed, ‘’but my mother had other plans. She and Maze, actually. They called me in the bar where your mom and Amenadiel met and… I waited for them to tell me they were joking but they didn’t.’’
She listened to him, taking in every word he said. The pain she is feeling now was the same pain he felt, years ago. She wished he had told her that before, but if he had, would she have believed him? She didn’t believe he was the Devil, and her being a literal gift from God seemed less realistic than that.
Lucifer was silent for a moment, probably choosing the right words to say.
She wanted to say something now, she thought he was waiting for her to tell him anything but no word escaped her mouth.
‘’I also thought you knew.’’ after a minute - or more, of silence he kept talking. ‘’I wanted to accuse you of lying to me but then I saw the blood above your lips and in that moment, I didn’t care about anything but your well being.’’ the shaky breath left his lips. He was crying.
‘’Chloe, I have never been more scared in my entire existence but your poisoning. I thought I lost you forever.’’ he said the last part so silently, the vulnerability evident in his voice.
‘’If mom hadn’t pointed out that the professor was in Hell, I would’ve lost you forever. Then, we came up with the plan; Miss Lopez and Daniel would gather the ingredients, Amenadiel would bodyguard you in your hospital room while Maze and dr. Linda would do the necessary to me so I can go down to have a chat with him, and I did. I got the formula and got you back.’’
To say that Chloe felt confused, was an understatement. She always knew he saved her, but she didn’t know how and when she would ask Dan or anyone, they would tell her he never told them, and that it didn’t matter to them because whatever he did worked and she was there, alive.
‘’You know,’’ he started again, ‘’when they told me you were okay and that the antidote worked, I wanted nothing more than to go to your room, lie down next to you and hold you but I couldn’t. I thought you didn’t have the chance, that what you felt - what the day before finding this manipulation i hoped you felt wasn’t real, so I left to Vegas.’’ he exhaled.
‘’In Vegas I met Candy, she needed help and I thought we could do some sort of tit for tat. I helped her and her family with money problems, and she helped me. I asked her to pretend to be my wife, but given that I don’t lie, we really got married and all of that was because I wanted to give you your choice. But now I’m realizing I only took it away. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I wish I could go back in time and fix it, but unfortunately I can’t.’’ he sobbed.
She recalled in her memory what he told her before he sat down - ‘ before i have to go home ’ and understood better why it was important to him to let her know this. To reassure her, even. She put the bottle next to her and glanced at the watch that was on the wall - it was nearly midnight. She wished she was strong enough to get up, open the door and tell him it was okay, to hold him because she wanted to, because she missed him and because it was her choice.
‘’I feel so lost.’’ she whispered, hoping he wouldn't hear her but he did. ‘’I know, Detective, I know…’’
They sat in silence again, neither one of them knowing what to say next. Did their story really end before it had even begun? She felt tired and dizzy from tears and wine she’s drunk and it was already past her bedtime.
‘’You know, weird as it is, the moment I realized only your existence was manipulated in my life was when you chose Pierce over me. That made me realize that you always had the choice and that at least that was real and when you told me that for you , i wasn’t the Devil I knew everything between us was real. I don’t really understand why, but I just knew it, the feeling run through my body and it’s never left me since that day.’’ she felt sincere in his voice, like he really meant it and he probably did.
She heard the noise and looked up, just to see his shadow again. He was about to leave her, and she felt too powerless to stop him.
‘’I hope one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe in ten days, ten months, or ten years, you will see this like I see it too. You are a miracle, not a gift Chloe Decker. The miracle that makes me want to be a better man, not for you, but for me. You make me feel things that I have never felt before. I don’t know what they’re called, probably the talk with dr Linda might help me understand them.’’ she didn’t take her look from the glass on her doors, and then she saw him leaning and looking through it, trying to see her.
‘’I hope you’ll be happy, Detective. If anyone deserves happiness - it is you.’’ he said and walked away.
She didn't know how much time she spent sitting at the same spot and crying, nor how she got upstairs in bed when she noticed sun penetrating her room, leaving traces of light.
What she did know, though, was that she loved Lucifer. And she wasn’t sure if she would ever stop.