Work Text:
Day 8
Coughing up a lung
Pneumothorax - Exotic Illness - “definitely just a cold”
Kara feels like shit.
Correction: He feels like he’s been hit by a carriage and then tenderized by a meat cleaver... and then maybe hollowed out with a rusted spoon.
Still he has to drink. He tries his best not to taste the bitterness of the herbs, and tries to think about happy things. Good things like what he’s getting out of this and that the tea is at least warm. That the cup is almost empty anyways and it won’t last much longer. It was easier when he didn’t have to coach himself through it. Or maybe it was harder. He doesn’t really remember, and he prefers to think of those memories as good and happy. Thinking more of the company than the drink itself.
It always feels bad for a bit. Everytime. It takes a few days for his body to settle after a new dose gets started. It takes a few days, but then he acclimates just fine. He always has.
It’ll be one more night probably, one more night before his body gets used to the new dose and everything is ok again. He doesn’t know why he’s promising that to himself.
Just one more sip my child, and then you can go play with the others.
The memory feels old and sacred and in a rush he feels ashamed, like he shouldn’t be wasting it here and now. When he just needs to finish his damned cup and be done with all this.
He slams it back, trying his best not to taste it, trying not to feel. Pretending that the feeling isn’t his bones cracking under his own weight as he levers himself up, trudging to the sink to deposit his cup. It’s not. He’s just being dramatic, but he can feel all of his little aches and pains. He feels them burning with their own heartbeat. Loudly, persistently making themselves known.
Idly, he wonders what that would feel like. ‘Bones cracking under his own weight’. He’d imagined he’d come pretty damn close when the- He stops himself before he has time to go down that track. Think of the people he’s left behind.
It’s a morbid thought anyways.
But still, everything hurts and he lets himself collapse onto the sofa.
He doesn’t have the energy to tamper down the thoughts anymore. He doesn’t have the energy to do anything.
There’s a hand on his head and it’s nice. So nice, not just because of the gentle touch, but also because it’s actually cool against his heated skin.
“K-Kara.” The voice pulls him out of his musings.
He’s being indulgent, and it’s making him run slow. His reactions are slow and -Stars, he should have known right away that it was Blue. Of course it was. He feels like his brain hasn’t been working for eons.
“Blue?” Kara croaks out before he can stop himself.
His throat was feeling weird. He should have known it would make his voice sound weird. He should have stopped himself, but his head is spinning and it's all he can do to blink his eyes open and find Blue in front of him.
“Kara, you have a fever!”
And Blue’s hand is still there, still pressed lightly to his forehead and Kara’s tempted to ask him to keep it there forever.
… at least for a while.
He doesn’t have a fever. He’s just feverish. It’s not his body trying to burn something out of his system, it’s just his head triggering a physiological response. He’s not sick, he just needs to wait for it to pass. He just needs to muscle through it.
“It’s nothing to worry about, Blue.” He tries again, swallowing before he speaks so that it comes out clear. And it does, but Kara wished he didn’t also sound so tired.
“Nothing to worry about!” Kara’s not ready for the affronted cry that comes from Blue. The wide eyes as he looks down at the mage collapsed on the couch.
“It’s fine, this kinda thing happens, It’s not-” It’s not a big deal. I deal with it all the time. “I’m not sick.” he settles on eventually.
He doesn’t have the time or the brain to explain. He just wants to go to sleep, he just wants to get used to the new dose and get on with his life.
“You… you shouldn’t sleep on the couch.” Blue mumbles, but Kara feels the reproach in his words.
He’s kinda proud. Definitely happy, but he doesn’t know if that’s just some kind of delayed reaction because Blue’s still got his hand over his head. It feels so good, and Kara opens his eyes even though the ambient light in the room is going to give him a headache. He wants to see Blue. See the wonderful amazing familiar that’s changed his life so much.
He hates that it’s the first thing he sees that Blue chewing at his bottom lip.
Kara raises his hand and rolls his thumb across Blue’s bottom lip, pulling the soft skin from between Blue’s teeth. It’s so soft.
Kara does his best to fully eliminate that thought from his head. It’s unfair and so beyond anything he’s capable of right now. So he just smiles to himself. It doesn’t stop the objective fact from being true.
“You’re going to hurt yourself, don’t do that.” Kara chides gently, enjoying the soft blush that comes across Blue’s face.
He’a not entirely sure what causes the familiar to huff though.
“You should be in bed.” Blue answers back after a long moment, taking back his hand and crossing his arms over his chest.
“Ok, ok, I’ll go to bed.” Kara caves almost instantly.
There’s really nothing keeping him here. The only thing that might have was Blue’s hands, but now that that’s gone there’s really no reason to stay.
He stands and immediately regrets it. He’s instantly dizzy from the rush of blood, nauseous for a moment as the ache sets back into his muscles. It’s hard to move, but Blue’s watching him. His familiar is watching with warry eyes, one hand half-raised like he’s ready to provide help given any notice that it might be needed. It’s hard to move, but he’s not ready to admit that he needs help, so he forces one foot in front of the other,gets to the stairs and actually holds the guardrail like he’s a hundred.
It’s enough that he makes it to the room. There’s nothing left in him at that point. It’s all he can do to fall face first onto the bedspread and just breathe into the sheets.
But Blue’s there. He followed him up, watched the whole thing. Kara can feel his familiar fiddling with his laces and taking off his shoes, carefully, like anything rougher would actually disturb the mage.
Blue doesn’t stop. He shuffles about the room, putting Kara’s things away, pulling back the covers and helping Kara gain the will to roll himself under them. For a long series of moments Kara doesn’t understand why he’s tense. Why the soft shuffling sounds of Blue in the room, bustling around him, have him so on edge.
This feels weird, unfamiliar.
“You don’t have to-” Kara doesn’t even get to finish before Blue’s cutting in.
“You should get some rest.”
It’s all Kara can do to nod against the most polite shut up he’s ever gotten.
Blue tucks him in, pressing the blanket flush against Kara’s body in a way that hasn’t been done in a long time. Then Blue’s hand is pressed against Kara’s forehead again and Kara closes his eyes. Doing all he can to soak up the sensation.
The light in the room has changed and it’s only then that Kara realizes that he actually did go to sleep which surprises the hell out of him, but Blue’s still here, still seated in his desk chair that he’s pulled right up to the side of the bed and-
Oh, that smells nice.
It’s chicken soup and rice, probably with butter and salt. It’s perfect. Mild and easy to process so that he’ll have a better chance at not throwing it back up.
“Blue?” Kara pipes up and it’s only when Blue flinches that the mage realizes that the familiar must have fallen asleep clutching his hand.
Kara hadn’t meant to startle him, but it sets the mage’s mind ablaze.
Stars, how long has he been here, just sitting by my side?
“How are you feeling?” Blue’s voice is deep and raspy with sleep and Kara can’t help but smile at the sound.
He’s always loved that voice, the way Bule sounds in the mornings, still thick with sleep. It means he’s comfortable, he slept deeply because-
He stops himself before he can think ‘because he feels safe’. It’s not always equivalent, but just for now, at least in his head Kara would like to imagine that it’s so. It happens too often for it just to be a natural collapse.
“I’m… good,” Kara answers, smiling at the sleepy little blink he gets. The way his familiar’s ears twitch as he leans clumsily foreward to press a hand to Kara’s head. “I’m feeling good.” He reassures Blue as best he can.
Meaning it this time.
“You aren’t any better.” Blue pouts.
And Kara can feel him. His fingertips are still chilled, even though his hands are warmer than usual, warm where they were holding eachother.
I’m not-” Kara almost gives into the impulse to argue. Because he does feel better, more stable and present in his body if nothing else. “It hasn’t gotten any worse.”
“That’s not better.” Blue counters and Kara rolls his eyes.
“I’m fine.” He mumbles. It’s meant for himself, but Blue’s ears twitch and he looks affronted by the concept.
“You’re not!”
“I’m not sick. Blue, I swear.” and then, because it will make it easier on the familiar, “and even if i was, I mean… It's definitely just a little cold. Nothing to worry about, ok?”
Kara’s not sure what he expected. A gentle smile, a huff and a resigned admission that ‘yes, alright, i was just worried about you’, maybe some more arguing, but it’s not what he gets. Blue’s quiet and still, looking down at his own hands where he’s holding them in his lap.
“It’s not always a sickness, but you still have to be… you have to be careful with yourself.” Blue responds eventually. Twirling his fingers together like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.
Kara feels so fucking stupid as he somehow only now is conscious of the fact that Blue’s been talking back. That Kara should have been encouraging him.
“Blue…” Kara stumbles trying to find his words, but the silence drags on before he can come up with anything.
“You work too hard.” Blue says it with a solemness that Kara doesn’t understand.
“What?” It’s out of his mouth before he even considers what it sounds like, but Blue doesn't seem to pick up on his tone, doesn’t seem to mind regardless.
“You push yourself and you work too hard.” He repeats.
“Blue-” Kara has no idea what to say to that.
He’s not. Not really. He’s fine. He’s always been fine. It works itself out and sometimes it takes a little extra from him to get it done, but he’s… fine.
Except that doest sound right. Not even to himself as he looks down at Blue, at where his knuckles are a pinched white from holding himself so tightly.
“It’s dangerous. I…” Blue’s voice breaks before he can finish his words and Kara lets the silence fall between them.
Wel, not exactly silence. Blue’s not silent. He’s breathing hard and trembling and Kara's half sure that he’s crying under that veil of hair, but the boy won’t look at him. He can’t check, and there’s something, something palpable between them that keeps Kara from reaching out, from taking Blue into his arms and just trying to sooth this problem away.
Instead Kara waits for Blue to collect himself. He waits as Blue wets his lips and gathers his words.
“It’s not always about getting sick. There’s a lot of different reasons for not feeling good, for having a fever and I know one of them is working too hard. When you put that kind of stress on your body it’s dangerous.”
Blue’s definitely crying. Kara can hear the rough, dry sound of his throat. Blue still won’t look at him, is still pressing his hands together so hard his knuckles go white.
“Blue-” But the familiar doesn’t let him finish.
“Please take care of yourself.” Blue’s voice cracks somewhere in the middle there and Kara has to hold back a gasp as Blue finally looks at him.
His eyes are swollen and pink the way they always are when he cries and Kara wants to soothe them. Just pull Blue into his arms and promise to do better, that he’ll be better for him, so he never has to cry again. Kara just wants to soothe the ache but there’s something else. There’s something else going on here.
“Blue, what’s wrong?”
And just like that all the fierceness goes out of him. All the righteousness, all the emotion. Blue looks away and curls in on himself. He looks so fucking small as he presses his lips together and shakes his head. Refusing to answer.
“Blue, something’s wrong.” And Kara feels a little mean for pushing, but there’s obviously something wrong. Blue hasn’t even tried to contest that.
It doesn’t stop Kara’s heart from being smashed into a million little pieces when he hears Blue’s broken little cry as an answer.
Still he waits. Waits through Blue’s ragged little breath. Waits through the moments of silence that he’s pretty sure might just kill him. But it pays off. Because Blue gets ahold of himself and eventually there are words again.
“I-I came in and you were asleep and you wouldn’t wake up. Your head was burning and…” Blue croaks, the painful warbled sound taking his words for a long moment before he can collect himself. “Please take care of yourself.”
“Blue, come here.” Kara says with authority he doesn’t feel as he sits there with his arms open.
It hurts a little when Blue hesitates. When he just looks at Kara warily and squirms in his seat. Like he’s fighting himself.
“I’m not infectious.” Kara tries to joke.
Tries for a little smile, a chuckle, something ridiculous enough for Blue to laugh and break this terrible tension, but Still Blue hesitates. A single shiny tear falling. It’s the last of the old but it hurts. It hurts to see Blue like this.
“I’m not all that fragile either…” Kara tries, hedging his bets, but as good as he’s feeling he’s still not all better. He’s tired still and his arms are burning. He’s going to start shaking if he has to keep this up.
Blue moves before that, though none too quick. He’s hesitant, as though he really doesn’t trust Kara’s assessment of his own fragility. He shifts, settling on the bed slowly so that the mattress doesn’t bounce before moving forward with such extreme caution that Kara promises Blue will never see him like this again.
Blue slots himself into Kara's arms like he’s done a thousand times before. He fits there. perfectly, like he belongs, like he’s always belonged. Like he was made for the space.
“Thank you for taking such good care of me.” Kara whispers it, but his mouth is right above Blue’s ear, and he knows the familiar has heard him from all the twitching that comes afterwards, the tensing of Blue’s body against his.
“I didn’t-” but this time Kara doesn’t let Blue finish.
“Seriously Blue, if you weren’t here I would be going through this alone. Thank you. I’m glad you were here.”
Kara don’t tell him that he’s done it alone for most of his life before Blue. It’s not relevant and it doesn’t make anything else he’s said less true. It feels different. Going through this with Blue beside him it feels… better. In every way.
Blue’s doing his best to stay still in Kara’s arms but his tail flicks back and forth in obvious excitement. The sight has a smile coming to Kara’s lips, something he immediately presses to Blue’s hair lest the boy think he’s laughing at him.
“You have to get better.” Blue mumbles, cuddling closer into Kara’s chest and he just can’t resist giving Blue a soft peck on the top of his head.
“I’m not sick,” Kara reminds him,” but I appreciate it.”
Blue nuzzles in closer like it’s an act of rebellion, but he holds his tongue against what Kara knows Blue thinks is a lie.
So Kara pulls back and takes Blue’s hands in his. There’s always the slightest chill to them and now is no different.
“Come on,” He smiles, lifting the blanket and motioning Blue into the spot he’s opened up for him.
Blue hesitates for a moment, eyes flitting between Kara and the gap that’s been created.
“Blue, I’m overheating and you are just cool enough to be the perfect snuggle companion.” It’s meant as another joke, but Kara can see by the way Blue’s eyes widen in shock that it’s been taken seriously.
“I-” Blue, stumbles, cheeks bright red, “r-really?”
Oh, Stars.
“Blue, you are exactly what I need.”
And it hurts just a little that only Kara hears how that extends to so much more than Blue could ever know.