Archive of Our Own

'My worst habit is you'

'Loving you is like a drug. It’s addictive but soon it will destroy me'

But....

'I can't unlove you'

Simply put, Yoon Jeonghan is insane and blinded by his love for Kim Mingyu. He knows the younger will never love him back, but he still makes or better words, forces the latter to be his boyfriend, and he holds out a sliver of hope that the younger will love him back.

Everyone can see that Mingyu is unhappy with their relationship, but no one dares to say anything because Jeonghan is the son of a chaebol and one of their college sponsors. Mingyu can also be in a relationship with him because the younger's family is in debt to his family.

"Jeonghan ? Are you waiting for your driver ?"

Jeonghan was startled and looked up from his phone, his gaze meet with Jun's as the latter just walk out of the lobby behind him. He immediately smiled. "Jun! No, I'm still waiting for Mingyu."

Jun's expression changed, and his smile faltered slightly. "Oh really... Would you like me to accompany you?"

"It's all right. Mingyu say that he was already on his way here." Lied. Mingyu hasn't even responded to his chat from 30 minutes ago.

"So, then.... I'll take the leave first. If you require help, I'm one call away." Jun gave a sly grin and winked to a giggling Jeonghan.

"Okay! Jun, take care!"

"I will !" Jun excused himself and left Jeonghan alone to await the person who hadn't even read his chat.

He sighed. Its already eight months but Mingyu still cold to him. He smiled... Its hurt to be honest but he want it in the first place. He pocketed his phone and take a look at his watch.

"Maybe Mingyu will never come. I'll just wait for Joshua to go home together." He mumbled and about to walk back into the lobby to find for Joshua who he know still at college but a black car stopped abruptly in front of him, the car that he know so well who is the owner. His smile blossomed so happily and he make a small run toward the car.

"Mingyu! I thought you will never come." He stared at Mingyu with his doe eyes shining, full with love but the younger never once glanced at him and just droved the car silently.

"Your class always end at this hour and you always asked me to pick you up." Answered Mingyu without looking at Jeonghan who blushing from the so called attention Mingyu is giving him. It is the habit from 8 months in relationship not an attention. Well, for Jeonghan everything Mingyu give to him is important and as a hope that the taller will return his feelings back.

"Okay.... Hm, lets go eat first then."

"I already ate." Answered Mingyu briefly and Jeonghan's happy expression changed. He is hoping Mingyu will accompany him to eat but what he is expected from the younger? He never want to be with him in the first place.

"Its okay. Maybe next time." And the car engulfed with a silent for a whole ride.

Mingyu sighed as Jeonghan dragged him to a restaurant where their friends were already there for hanging out. Even though Jeonghan could tell the taller was in bad mood because of him, he chose to ignore it completely.

"Mingyu-ah... Smile a little. When you smile, you become more handsome." Jeonghan came to a halt in front of Mingyu, putting both of his index fingers at the corners of his mouth and pulling them upward to form a smile. Mingyu just stared at him blankly, and Jeonghan sheepishly chuckled. "Sorry... Let's go." He stepped aside and let Mingyu walk ahead of him.

"Its okay Jeonghan... You can do it. Fighting!" Jeonghan tapped his left chest multiple time and followed Mingyu who already at the front of restaurant entry.

"Our hottest couple has arrived!" Hoshi exclaimed happily, causing the others to turn around to look at him and Mingyu. He smiled and hurriedly approached their table, taking a seat beside Joshua, his twin, who was smiling sweetly at him. He take a seat beside Joshua on purpose because there is only one chair available. He is attempting to distance himself from Mingyu so that the taller can enjoy the night more without him close.

Joshua, who sensed something was wrong (well, everyone at the table can sense it), turned toward Jeonghan, who was looking at the menu. "Hannie... Are you all right with Mingyu?" He spoke in hushed tones so that only his twin could hear him.

"Why bother asking when you know the answer, Shua?" Jeonghan smiled.

Joshua sighed heavily. "We'll talk later when we're at home." He patted Jeonghan's hair gently as a comfort.

"Hmm.... By the way, I want to eat this, Shua." Jeonghan pointed toward the menu and Joshua quickly called the waiter to come closer toward their table.

"Asked Mingyu what he want to eat too."Whispered Jeonghan when Joshua finished ordering the foods for him.

"Huh ?Oh...Okay. Mingyu! What do you want to eat? " Joshua asked Mingyu who in the middle of conversations with Seungcheol.

Mingyu looked at Jeonghan for a while before he turned toward Joshua. He smiled "Bulgogi with rice for me."

Joshua nodded. He repeated it again to a waiter that standing beside Jeonghan. And he heard it clearly when Jeonghan asked more rice for Mingyu. He shakes his head, he doesn't know why Jeonghan is so stubborn in hurting himself like this. Jeonghan knows everything about Mingyu, and he has never seen Mingyu reveal any details about Jeonghan other than the latter's schedules so that he can pick him up and drive him home. With the fact that it was Jeonghan who requested it from Mingyu in the first place.

"Eohh ?" Jeonghan showed his phone that ringing toward Joshua who instantly pull him toward a toilet when he saw the caller ID.

"What wrong with them?" Asked Seungkwan when out of blue, Joshua and Jeonghan left the table in hurry.

"Maybe to answer the call. Jeonghan get a call just now." Seokmin who sit at the other side of Joshua all the time answered with a shrug.

"Who ?" Asked Seungkwan again.

"I don't know but must be important for both of them."

"Ohhhh.... Nevermind. By the way, Jeonghan is not here .... So, how is it Mingyu? You already falling for Jeonghan or not yet?" Seungkwan teasingly asked Mingyu who rolled his eyes at the questions.

"You wish. What I want now is a freedom from him." Mingyu answered while sipping a tea that Seungcheol poured for him when he is arrived.

"You're cruel man... Why not trying first? Who know you will fall in love with him. Jeonghan is a nice guy, kind, and he is handsome too." This time its Jun who speak up with a raised eyebrows.

"I'm trying and I can see the result already. Why waste my time when I can be free?" Mingyu shrugged nonchalantly.

" I don't know why Jeonghan want to be with you. You're a jerk." Woozi make an annoyed face.

"Are you forget or what ?I never want him in the first place. He forced me with his family power."

"At least try though, Min. And you can talk it out with Jeonghan."

"I don't think he will let me go if I tell him." Mingyu sighed.

"You guys relationship is more complicated than mathematics questions."

"Agree."

"Shua.... What is the highest level of love?" Jeonghan laying on his side and facing Joshua who is reading a book beside him.

Joshua closed the book he is reading and give his whole attention toward his twin who looks sad for some reason. "Why you ask that?"

"I don't know.... I'm just wondering."

"Hmm.... I know what you're thinking, Hannie."

"I heard everything, Shua." Jeonghan looked up at Joshua with his teary eyes.

"Heard what?"

"What Mingyu talking about with the guys at restaurant when you still on the phone." Jeonghan move closer toward Joshua and hide his face into his twin's stomach.

Joshua sighed. He doesn't want to ask what Mingyu said. He know if Jeonghan like this then what the taller said must be something hurtful enough for his older twin. "Then, why you asking about the highest level of love?"

"M-maybe I can do that for Mingyu...."

"Jeonghan-ah.... Listen to me...Life do not work like fairy tales. Happy ever afters do not come easily and there are so many other things to work through in life. Life can be hard and sometimes love alone is not enough for things to work out the way we would have loved it to. For me love is putting others’ needs above your own. I think both of us thinking the same thing, that the happiness of the person we love matters so much more than our own happiness. With or without us."

"You know what I mean right, Jeonghan-ah ?"

Jeonghan gave a nod. His tears flowing down his cheeks, and his twin quickly wiped them away with both of his thumbs. "Should I do it?"

"If you want to, Hannie. Think what is the best for you, okay."

"Heum... Thank you Shua."

"Anything for my sweet twinnie."

Its almost nine months for their relationship and its have been days or more than a week since Jeonghan avoiding Mingyu. He even go to college and back from it with Joshua or his family driver. He did it for a reason and he already get the end of it. He smiled. Maybe the best way is to do this.

"Lets enjoy today as long as you can with him, Jeonghan." He whispered to himself. He is in the living room waiting for Mingyu to pick him up. Last night, he chatted Mingyu to spend a day today and the latter agree. For once, he is happy that Mingyu agree to it. It is better than nothing, he thinks.

"Hannie! Mingyu is here!" Joshua who just back from his jogging routine shouted from outside.

He hurriedly walk out and smiled when his gaze meet with Mingyu's who is looking at him intently. He gave the taller a small wave. "Hi Mingyu."

"Erm... Hi."

"Why you two so awkward? Geez... Go go... Both of you give me eyesore here." Joshua pushed Jeonghan into passenger seat and making sure his twin safety by asking his slightly older twin to wear a seatbelt while whispered "Enjoy Hannie... I'll pick you up later at night."

"Okay... Bye-bye, Shua."

"Take care of my twin, Mingyu!"

"I will."

................

"Are you already eat, Mingyu-ah ?"Jeonghan asked when the car is full with silences for a few minutes. "Should we stop anywhere before we arrive at amusement park?"

"No need. I already have breakfast at home." Mingyu glanced at Jeonghan who busy looking outside the window. He frowned. Jeonghan keep on spacing out and its weird. "You already ate too, right? Or you want me to stop at nearby cafe and get you a breakfast?"

Jeonghan turned to him and smiled. He shakes his head. "No need. I already have one at home." 

"Oh okay then...." Once again the car fill with silence between both of them. One keep on looking outside the window and another one frowning because the pretty man who sitting at passenger seat usually cannot stop talking when he is with him but now its opposite of it.

"Mingyu.... Urm... Can you cook a ramen for me after we're back from amusement park ?" When they arrived at their destination, Jeonghan suddenly make Mingyu stopped walking and looked down at him who is smiling with a hope in eyes, a last hope before everything will changes.

"Sure.... My place?" Mingyu asked again after he pondering for a whole minute.

"Um... Can I? I mean can we stay at your place?" Jeonghan asked again, still not quite believe that his taller boyfriend agreed.

Mingyu nods. "Why not? You usually come to my place as many times as you want." He shrugged and start to walk again, leaving Jeonghan who chuckled by himself.

Just acts like usual today, Yoon Jeonghan. "Mingyu-ah... Wait for me!"

Mingyu stopped right in front of the amusement park entry. He turned around and wait for Jeonghan who instantly clinged to his arms with a wide smile. "Let enjoy the day shall we?"

The taller nods. "Hm..."

"What you want to ride first, Gyu?"Jeonghan asked while his pretty doe eyes excitedly looking around the amusement park that full with people. He moved closer to his taller boyfriend's side when there is a group of five to six teenagers running toward his way. He chuckled when one of the teenagers almost run into him but Mingyu pulled him aside at the right time. "Thanks Gyu."

Mingyu shakes his head. "Be careful. The park is crowded today."

"Eung." Jeonghan smiled. Mingyu is nice and caring to him today. Oh how nice if Mingyu like this to him too for past days and months. "Hey... You not answering me yet which ride you want to try first."

"Up to you. Honestly, I'm not keen with all the rides at amusement park. They are scary." Mingyu shivered when he is thinking about how high that ride will be, especially that gyro drop. That ride sure will pull out his soul from his body.

Jeonghan laughed. He nudged Mingyu teasingly. "I don't know you're scared of all this rides. Its fun!"

"For you. Not me." Mingyu make a face at still laughing Jeonghan.

"Okay....Okay... Lets just try the easy one first. I will try the scariest one by myself, you can take your time doing what you like." Without Mingyu managed to reply him, Jeonghan pulled Mingyu toward a bumper cars booth.

....................

"Mingyu! Look here!"

Snap. Jeonghan smiled at the results of the picture that he took. Mingyu looks so handsome in the photo. As they spending hours already at the amusement park trying every rides, every foods and every booths there, Jeonghan keep on asking Mingyu to pose for him. The taller not even noticed since when Jeonghan brought the camera with him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Jeonghan smiled and eating the corndogs he bought just now for him and Mingyu. "Is there something on my face?" He asked while pulling out his phone to look at the selfie camera to see his reflection.

"No. Nothing on your face. " Mingyu answered and look away from Jeonghan who hummed back at him. "Its weird...."

"Huh?" Jeonghan turned toward Mingyu with a confused look.

"Its weird... Usually, you're the one who keep asking me to take a picture of you and our selfie together." Mingyu shrugged.

Jeonghan chuckled. "Guessed we change that role today. You not even bring your camera with you today. Why not, right?"

"My camera is always in my car though."

"Seriously, you're weird today." Mingyu frowned.

"Okay!"

"Do you want a rice too?" Mingyu asked Jeonghan without looking back at him, the taller is busy cracking the eggs into the ramen pot.

"Sure... Like usual please, Mingyu-ah."

"Okay..." Mingyu then move to put two bowls of instant rice in the microwave and then proceed to prepare the table.

"Let me clean the dirty dishes after we eat!" Jeonghan exclaimed excitedly which make Mingyu raised his eyebrows at the smaller.

"Are you sure? You hate to do that." Mingyu then go to put off the stove and bring over the pot to table where Jeonghan is waiting while holding the chopstick and fork in both of his hands.

"Done. Enjoy the dinner, Yoon Jeonghan."

"Hehe... You too! Thanks for the foods, Mingyu-ah."

Both of them eating in silence with Jeonghan once for a while glancing at Mingyu and turn away when his gaze meet with Mingyu's.

"Why? You keep looking at me." Mingyu put a kimchi in Jeonghan's rice bowl and got a smile from Jeonghan as a thank you.

"Nothing... I just want to look at you. You're more handsome today. Hehe..."

Mingyu unconsciously smiled. "Thanks... I guess?"

Both of them laughed at their silly conversation.

"You want to go straight to home after the dinner?"Mingyu asked again while helping Jeonghan in arranging the dishes that the latter already clean up.

"Yes. Why?"

"Just asking.... I will drive you home then."

"No need, Mingyu-ah... Joshua is going to pick me up."

Jeonghan raised his eyebrows at Mingyu when the taller staring at him with a frown. "Wae Mingyu-ah?"

Mingyu shakes his head. "Nothing... Want to watch television while waiting for Joshua?"

"Sure." Jeonghan smiled and pulled Mingyu toward the taller living room and make himself comfortable on the double sofa there beside Mingyu.

"Joshua is already on the way here."Jeonghan said while his fingers busy dancing on his phone screen, maybe replying Joshua's chat.

"Okay...."

Then both of them sit in silence with a sounds from television in front of them accompanying them and make their surrounding a little more merrier.

"Mingyu-ah...."

"Hmm?"

"What do you want the most for now?"Jeonghan looked at Mingyu expectantly, trying to deny what he heard before at the restaurant will not be out from Mingyu's own mouth.

"Why you asking this so suddenly?" Mingyu looked back at him with a curious expression adorning his handsome sculptured face.

"Umm... I just want to know." Lied. You really want to ask that so that whatever decision you make after this will not make you regret it later.

"Oh...." Mingyu fall in silenced for a few minutes and continue to watch a television which make Jeonghan smiled a little knowing that the younger will never answer his question. The question is from him, of course it will be silly for Mingyu to answer it.

"If I said that I want freedom.... Will it be the answer for your question just now?"

Pang! Jeonghan's heart breaking into pieces. What he is scared coming to the reality. Mingyu really said it by himself.

Jeonghan smiled. A forced smile that he is trying hard to make it a honest smile. "Freedom? From what?"

Mingyu shakes his head. "Nevermind. Forget what I said. It is just a 'what if' question."

"Are you s---."

"Then, how about you? What do you want the most for now?"Mingyu asked back the same question from Jeonghan earlier. He turned to look at Jeonghan who already looking at him with a smile.

"Me? I don't want anything." Jeonghan chuckled. He looking down to his phone when he heard he received a notifications. From Joshua. His twin is here. "I just want the person I love get their happiness and I will do anything so that they can achieve it."

"Woah.... That nice of you." Mingyu ruffled his hair out of habit and that almost make Jeonghan swallow up the lump he is feeling inside his throat. Please don't do this to me, Mingyu-ah... It will be hard for me.

"By the way, Joshua is here. I guess it is about time for me to go." Jeonghan stand up from his seat and walk toward a coat hanger where his coat and sling bag along the camera were. Mingyu followed him close from behind.

"I will send you to Joshua's car."

"No need Mingyu-ah... You can rest, you must be tired as we really used all of our energy playing around at the amusement park."

"Are you sure?"

"Eum eum.... Err..."

"Why Han? You leave something behind?"Mingyu turned behind to look at his apartment.

"Ehh no no.... But can I ask a hug from you?" Jeonghan looking down playing with his fingers, his cheeks reddened. Shy and scared that Mingyu will say no.

"Sure. Why not?" Jeonghan looked up at the taller already open his arms to welcome him into the hug. The smaller smiled and without wasting time, he move to hug Mingyu no so tightly. He bit his bottom lips to stop himself from crying but his eyes become teary nonetheless when Mingyu hug him back.

"Mingyu-ah... Thank you."

"Hm? For what?"

"For everything." Jeonghan pulled away from the hug reluctantly. He looked up at Mingyu with a wide smile. "I need to go now or Joshua will strangle me in sleep."

Mingyu chuckled. "Okay. Okay."

"Annyeong Mingyu-ah."

Mingyu stared at retreating figure with weird feelings that already there since the morning. He shrugged. Maybe Jeonghan is right... It is just his feelings. He entered his apartment after he not see Jeonghan's figure anymore.