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You had been looking forward to this party for a while, it had been way too long since you did anything fun and social. When work had started again after your summer holiday, and Aleksi hadn’t been there, you were so confused. You had never been really close with him, but you had always liked him. He was always kind to you, helping you, teaching how to mix cocktails. It just felt as if there was something special between him and you, he seemed to ‘get’ you in a way no one else did. And his smile was the best thing in the whole world. Just before you went on holiday there had been a party at which you had talked with him a lot, and laughed with him a lot as well. You were convinced that this was gonna be the year for you two. The year to become best friends, or maybe even more.. But now he was nowhere to be found.
When you’d texted him to ask where he was, he told you that combining his job at the bar and his music stuff was just too much at that moment. Then he broke off the conversation wishing you good luck with work without any further explanation. You tried asking if he was planning on coming back to work, but he never replied. Never opened the message even, according to the app. You missed him a lot, he was supposed to be your buddy, your best friend. He meant the world to you even though he probably never knew that. He had a lot of friends, and his band off course, but you were never that social. You kept to a very small circle of just the people who were really important to you, and that was fine. But when Aleksi disappeared, you realized exactly how small your circle had actually gotten. The world got colder and darker as the winter came in, and you simply stayed at home a lot. It was so hard to accept that you’d have to move on without Aleksi when all you wanted was to be with him. But after a few months, you had regained some energy. You had met new people as the bar had hired some new employees and even became friends with them. You started going out again, and enjoyed your life in general. Things were finally going great for you. You even had moments where you didn’t think of Aleksi, or where you could think about him in a way that didn’t hurt as much. So when you were invited to a birthday party of one of your coworkers, you were excited to go. The day before the party you had gone shopping with your bestie Emilia, and you had bought a new dress to wear at the party. Emilia was running late, she’d texted you that she’d meet you at the party instead of walking there together. You didn’t really mind arriving alone, your other friends were already there anyway. You were looking amazing, feeling amazing, walking up the driveway to the party, and there he was.
Aleksi.
Eight months. Eight months of pure cold grief had gone by. And just when your heart had dared to start healing the tiniest little bit, there he was. And in three seconds he managed to rip all the wounds open again, tear it all up into a million little pieces. All the feelings came back. No more feeling amazing, no more happiness. Just pain. All of the pain you had felt all those months, everything you thought you had worked through and left behind. It all came back in one instant and in that instant you understood just how much he really meant to you.
How dare he do that? You turned around to leave, but he had seen you and was now calling your name so you stopped.
“Hey, where are you going?”
Why couldn’t you just leave? Even with all this pain he caused you, you’d still do anything for him. When you realized this, you got mad. Something just snapped inside of you. All of the pain turned to anger, fury rushing through you. You turned around to face him.
“Where am I going? Where am I going?” You shouted at him. “Where the hell have you been all this time? Not one single message, not even a proper goodbye. You just fucking left me without any explanation and now you have the audacity of speaking to me, of asking me where I am going?”
Aleksi’s face went white with shock.
“I am so sorry. You are right. I should have kept in touch with you.”
His voice sounded hurt, broken, and immediately you felt sorry for yelling at him. You realized that he didn't know just how much he meant to you. Omg, you must be making a complete fool of yourself, standing here yelling at him while he has no idea about your true feelings for him.
"Shit, sorry, I didn't mean that" you mumbled, looking ashamed. You tried to turn around again, but now it was Aleksi’s turn to get upset. He grabbed your arm, turning you back around, and said in a low voice:
"You fucking did mean it and you know it. Why would you get this mad at me?"
His face was really close. To close. You were drowning in his eyes, smelling his scent, and it all got to much. Suddenly you started crying.
"Why would you even care what I feel? You meant fucking everything to me and then you just left. But I get it, I’m not special to you. I'm not beautiful, you could get anyone you'd want anyway, off course I mean nothing to you. It's fine. Just leave me."
“What do you mean when you say I meant everything to you?” Aleksi asked in a small voice.
“Isn’t it obvious? Do I really have to say it?” You were pretty sure that by now you had nothing to lose with him anyway so you could just tell him. “I am in love with you. I have been in love with you ever since I met you, and I’m pretty sure I will always be in love with you, even if you leave again and never come back.”
"Why did you never say anything?" Aleksi asked quietly. "Do you really think you mean nothing to me? That I didn't keep in touch because I didn't care?"
"Well yeah, that seemed obvious" you replied.
"No! That's not it! That's not it at all, it hurt so fucking much to leave you."
Aleksi now had tears in his eyes as well.
"I just had to focus on the band, the boys kept harassing me like shit. I am the new guy after all and I still had to work on my own music as well and it all got too much. I really had to focus every day and I couldn't do that while I was seeing you, thinking you would only ever be friends with me. I love you so much, I couldn’t handle just being friends anymore. It had be all or nothing and I never believed I could have it all with you.”
You couldn't believe what he was saying. When he looked at you he saw in your eyes that he very well could have had everything with you and even more.
"So all this time.." "We were so stupid."
You started laughing. You just couldn't help yourself, all of these emotions roller-coasting through you. Aleksi laughed as well. Oh god, his smile really was the best thing in the whole world. Then he grabbed you by your waist and pulled you close to him. You had never felt so safe as in that moment. The laughing stopped while your faces moved closer, and finally your lips melted together.
He had come home to you, and you’d never let him go ever again.