Chapter Text
“So, let me get this straight - someone has been publishing a serialized romance novel about myself and the Traveler?”
His secretary, Ekaterina, replied with a sigh. “That would be correct, sir.”
Childe had only just gotten back into Lumine’s good graces. If she knew there was a romance novel starring the two of them, even if he had nothing to do with it, she'd definitely try to stab him. Again.
And as exciting as that was, he had a feeling this time it wouldn’t be nearly as fun.
“The Traveler can never find out this exists. Buy every copy and burn it. Find out who the author is and I will personally handle them.”
“But sir… It’s a literary magazine. A new chapter comes out every week, along with other stories. Buying every copy would be impossible. And even then, I’m afraid it’s a little too late to stop it. The story has gained so much traction, that storytellers are now telling their own versions of The Harbinger and the Heroine. Thankfully, spoken word versions of the story are far less raunchy than the written one.”
“R-raunchy?!” Childe felt himself turn red. He cleared his throat awkwardly, feigning composure that neither of them believed. “Why didn’t you hear about this sooner and stop it?”
“Apologies, sir. I’m afraid I’m so busy with work that I do not have free time to spend on reading popular romance stories about my boss,” the secretary sighed, fixing him with a pointed look.
Despite having zero military training, Ekaterina was the best subordinate he had, and the only one who wasn’t even a little bit afraid of him. Combine that with her penchant for brutal honesty, and she was likely the only person in the Fatui he could truly rely on, since he knew she would always shoot straight with him. She reminded Childe of his older sister - smart, reliable, and not afraid to give him shit.
Unfortunately, her brutal honesty and lack of fear also had its downsides.
"And besides, you're not exactly my type, Master Childe. The Traveler, on the other hand-"
"Ekaterina-"
"Sigh, it's just not fair! What did you do to deserve such a cute little girlfriend?"
He sputtered. "She's not my girlfriend!"
The secretary continued on as if she hadn't heard him. "But then again, she is likely the only person in the world capable of beating you to a pulp and putting you in your place, the poor thing.”
"Enough! If you worked for any other Harbinger, you would've long since been punished for all the back talk you give me.”
"Yes, but unfortunately I work for you, Master Childe. People who work under other Harbinger's only get punished when they do something wrong. I, on the other hand, am punished every day because I'm so capable that nothing gets done around here without me! I have absolutely no work-life balance! Maybe I want my own cute little adventurer girlfriend! There's one who's always hanging around below the bank, trying to recruit new members. Sigh, if only I wasn't worked so hard, I'd have time to ask her on a date-"
"Ekaterina. Hurry up and get to the point, otherwise I'm making you work over time."
"I'm already working overtime," she complained, but finally decided to stop teasing him and continued. “The author is anonymous, but goes by the pen name Xugou. I shall do my best to uncover their identity, Master Childe. In the meantime, I highly recommend you read over the current installments - the way your character is written is frighteningly accurate. It concerns me that someone with such keen observational skills has been studying you so closely. I fear this author isn’t any ordinary person.”
Childe clenched his fists. Someone had been watching him without his knowledge. For what purpose? Was it to create a profile on him, to be able to predict his moves? To find his weaknesses? And if they knew his personality so well, who was to say they didn’t know more about him? Did they know about his family? And if they were studying him so closely, why use this knowledge for the sake of a romance novel, of all things?
“I must say, though, this story is quite the page turner. I find myself excited for when next week's installment releases.” Ekaterina was definitely teasing him now. Before Childe could retaliate, Ekaterina quickly excused herself from his office.
He glanced at the stack of literary magazines on his desk and groaned. For once in his life, he wished it were paperwork instead.
Childe wasn’t one for reading. He couldn’t bring himself to sit still long enough for that. But Ekaterina had been right - the story was riveting. It contained just enough adventure and action to keep his interest. And by the time he finished the last chapter, the sun had long since set in the sky.
It was scary how accurately the author portrayed himself and Lumine. Little habits of hers that he'd picked up from interacting with her were all there, right down to the way she twirled her hair when thinking, or her penchant for petty theft. His own nervous ticks were portrayed as well. Almost every piece of dialogue was something that he could see himself saying, and vice versa with Lumine. Whoever this author was, it was clear that they had been observing the two of them quite closely, for an extended period of time. But who would go to such lengths to spy on them, just for the sake of writing a romance novel? No matter how he thought about it, he couldn't determine the author's aim.
The worst part of it all was that the story was well written. It was action packed, funny, and left the reader wanting more. The romantic scenes were... something he would rather not think about. Ever again. Childe supposes they too were well written, but...
He shook his head. He couldn't be thinking about the Traveler in that sort of way. It was just the story doing that to him. Lumine was his rival, an enemy, and possibly a friend. Not that she'd agree with that last one. The last thing Childe needed was romance in his already complicated relationship with Lumine.
She could never know about this. Ever.