Chapter Text
It's 3 am. Joel is sitting in a chair on the balcony of his apartment. It's freezing cold outside, but Joel feels so numb that he doesn't even notice it. It had been a rough day, rough couple weeks actually. This past summer had been amazing. The band had gotten so big after going to Eurovision. Even with many Covid restrictions still being up they had managed to play numerous shows and it had all been crazy. After that, they went straight to the studio and finished work on their new album. But that had been weeks ago. The other guys were all happy to finally get some rest and be able to spend time with their families. But for Joel this quiet period was hell. He needed the thrill of playing shows. He needed to stay busy, to have his mind occupied. He had not spoken to another soul in what felt like forever. At first he had been able to keep himself busy with the band’s social media's, but after a while that had become boring as well and now he really had nothing left. He needed to do something desperately, but he couldn't think of anything that he actually wanted to do. Hours went by while Joel was just sitting there, the hood of his sweater pulled over his head. He hadn't even noticed that the sun had come up. He vaguely heard a door open on the next-door balcony, but his mind didn't process this sound until he heard Joonas' voice shouting at him. "Hey, Earth to Joel! Are you okay dude? Have you been sitting there all night? You look like hell!"
"Uh, yeah, I guess, thanks," Joel responded, slowly getting out of his trance-like state. Joonas was hanging over the barrier that stood in between their balconies, and offered Joel a cigarette while lighting one himself. "Have you been taking your meds lately?" Joonas asked. Joel thought about this, but really couldn't remember if he had. "I don't even know man, I've been feeling like shit lately. Life is just so boring right now."
"I know. I'm sorry Joel, I should have been here more to support you. You know what? Tonight I'm taking you out. There's a band playing in town, I think they're cool. Johnny told me about them. He'll be there as well." Joel didn't really feel like going out at all, but he knew this might just be the kind of thing he needed, even though it didn't feel like it right now. And what else was he going to do? Sit on his balcony again? So he agreed to go with Joonas.
"Cool, I'll pick you up at six. We'll grab some dinner and then we'll go to the concert. Now go take a shower and get some breakfast please? You need it." Joonas said in a half teasing, half mandating kind of way.
Joel got up and walked to his bathroom. While the hot water was running over his body, he actually started to feel a little better. He was sort of starting to look forward to this concert, even though he didn't even know who was playing. After the shower he realised he did feel hungry, but he didn't need to look in his kitchen to know he wouldn't find any food there. So he got dressed and walked to the coffee shop across the street to get a bagel and a cup of decent coffee. Back home he worked on some music for a while, and then actually fell asleep on his couch. He woke up to the sound of his doorbell a few hours later. It turned out to be Joonas who was there to pick him up for their night out already. Joel let him in, while he grabbed his stuff.
They went to a cheap, tiny restaurant for dinner. The place was kind of shabby, but they liked going there because it was mostly quiet and the food was good. Johnny was meeting them there as well. He and Joonas were chatting all through dinner, but Joel's mind drifted off and he didn't really listen to what the other guys were saying. When they finished eating they walked over to the club. There were already a lot of people inside, and Joonas being the social guy he was, soon forgot that he was supposed to entertain Joel that evening. He and Johnny went off to talk with some other friends, leaving Joel to mend for his own. Joel didn't mind though. He was glad to be outside his apartment, surrounded by people, but he didn't really feel like actually socializing just yet.
He stood to the side of the crowd when the drummer and bassist came to the stage to start playing. They looked cool enough to Joel. The guitarist as well. But when the vocalist entered the stage something inside Joel felt like it hit him in the stomach. He couldn't really explain the feeling. The vocalist was a tiny man, completely covered in tattoos except for his face. His beautiful face. He looked like he radiated with sunshine and happiness. And he had the most beautiful, long, dark, curly hair Joel had ever seen. He didn't normally feel this way about men. Not really about women either if he was being honest. He had been with women before, and had thought to be in love even, but now he wasn't so sure about any of that. What he felt right now was so much stronger than anything he had ever felt before. So was this what love actually felt like? He was so confused, but didn't want to think about it too much. The band started playing, and Joel was hypnotised by the voice coming from the stage.
Back home Joel started looking up information on the band. 'Lost Society' they were called. He still couldn't get the image of the vocalist out of his head. Samy Elbanna. Even his name was beautiful. Joel looked up their band profile on Instagram, and found Samy's page through that. He spend hours looking at every post while playing literally all of their songs on Spotify. He explored all of the lyrics, and the messages behind those. This hyper fixation went on the next day, and the days after that. It wasn't healthy, Joel knew that, but at least his mind was occupied for now. Life went on for a while like that.
One day Joel was at the coffee shop getting breakfast when he heard a familiar voice behind him. He froze, because he knew it was Samy who was standing right there. Right behind him. He didn't know what to do. He had wanted to see Samy again ever since that night, but he still didn't know what that emotion was that he felt for this man. He was half contemplating just walking out of there without saying anything when he heard another voice that he recognised. It was Johnny, who apparently was there with Samy. Johnny had seen Joel now as well, so there was no escape. Maybe it won't be too bad, Joel thought. Maybe Samy isn't that magical unicorn that his mind had made him out to be. Maybe seeing him in real life was a good thing. Maybe he could feel normal again after this. Joel turned around to face the pair.
Shit. No. It really is that bad. He really is that magical. Joel tried to act cool while Johnny started a conversation with him, introducing Joel to Samy and telling Samy that Joel had been at the concert the other day.
"Did you like it?" Samy asked Joel. His voice sounded like the sweetest honey and Joel lost all of his pride in that instant.
"I fucking loved every second of it. I've not been able to get you out of my head ever since," he admitted. He immediately regretted saying what he said, but Samy's face lit up at the words. His smile was everything Joel needed in life, so he went on speaking, unable to control himself. "I really love your music, I relate to your lyrics so much. Do you write them yourself?" Joel asked.
"I do, together with my band," Samy answered. "I've heard some of your stuff as well, I love what you do. Maybe we could jam together sometime?"
This surprised Joel. Samy knew who he was, and even listened to his music before? Whow. He realised the tiny man was waiting for him to answer his question. Before he could even think about it he agreed to meeting Samy later that day.